NationStates Jolt Archive

self explanatory. POST AWAY. i have several, but i will wait to delight the audience with how much of a loser i can be, because i am at work.

there was the time i went to break up some fights, and almost got shot, but i've told that before, and besides which, i wasn't that drunk.
ummm. there was the time i had entirely too much yager and beer, and almost passed out in the middle of a bout of drunken bathroom floor sex.
meditating while drunk is highly recommended.

on monday i lost my glasses. i thought i'd lost my phone too, but i just left it in the bushes outside. i threw up out of the window in my room once i got back. it wasn't pretty :(

there have been many, many more occasions - i'm a pretty heavyweight drinker normally, but i just have a certain level before which i'm ok and coherent (while others are pissed as newts), but beyond which i'm utterly irretrievable and (for want of a better word) just totally gone. sad part is i'm still not sure where that point is... so i keep crossing it :p

the worst one was at a mate's 18th birthday house party. i was dry-wretching, etc... and it was the closest i've come to having my stomach pumped in my life (yes they were thinking of calling an Ambulance :p)


edit: nothing especially funny :headbang:
though i do advise NEVER hooking a bottlebong up to a 2 litre bottle of cider... and a footpump. that was soooo stupid :D

self explanatory. POST AWAY. i have several, but i will wait to delight the audience with how much of a loser i can be, because i am at work.
Well, I'm at work too - so I just don't have the time to post anything as long as my drunken stories would have to be...

trust me though, I can give anyone a run for their money when it comes to drunken stunts... trust me.

Whether thats a good thing or a bad one you can decide. Ill predict ahead of time that its good for you, but not for me - or my physical well-being. Perhaps a part of the reason I chose to take a break from drinking after my last 'night out' three weeks ago. :p

bumped for later___________________________

No wildly hysterical stories, but I do remember one of my friends managing to laugh lager out of his nose and say 'Drunk? I'm not drunk? I am soooo sober. Look, I can walk around the room in straight lines?'

That was kinda funny at the time.

A friend and I once got so drunk that we actually returned a previously-stolen sign to its rightful owners at 4 in the morning. The police stopped us on the way, and one said in a highly sarcastic manner: 'Is that your sign then?' 'No, we're returning it!' we cried with glee. 'Look, the Yoga Centre's that way!' we said, pointing in the direction we were headed. He looked at the sign, looked at us, decided we were clearly just weird and drove off.

I did the Jesus thing. Went to a party on Friday night, went missing for three days, woke up on the shore in Mississippi - didn't know how I got there.

Me and a friend of mine were going to a party in NYC. We were both already absolutely wrecked. I had a bag of mushrooms on me and we were going to share them before the party. Two undercove cops arrived and destroyed the bag of shrooms by dumping it out and stomping them into dust. I was so angry I was walking down the street yelling about killing a cop and ended up punching a plate glass window. I didn't make it to the party because I had to stop at the hospital for stitches.

When I was in the sixth form I had this habit of wandering off for a little walk halfway through the evening. People would follow and wonder where I was going etc etc, all in good fun.

Anyhow, at our may ball, in which I did the same thing I was EXTREMELY drunk (we'd been drinking since 2pm, my walk was at about 10pm) I ended up walking out and round the place we had the ball to some gas tanks (butane not petroleum).

Anyhow, I stumbled and ended up falling into a trench, filled with nettles :(

I managed to crawl out and get back to the hall, whereupon I kinda, collapsed onto a table with a bleeding arm. The last thing I remember was looking up from my painful stupour with my head of sixth form grinning at me with a camera.

I never did get to see that picture of myself, I still wonder what he did with it.

a few years ago, after attempting to drink an entire keg at a party that never happened, me and the four guys i always hang with decided to take roofies, all of us, together. at the same time! not only do we not know what happened, we cant figure out who came up with this stupid stupid idea.

oh, and in the 11 th grade, after trying to "prove " myself by drinking straight vodka, all 115 pounds of me, decided i was HOT. so i was going to for a swim. in a flooded cranberry bog , that i thought was a pond.

a few years ago, after attempting to drink an entire keg at a party that never happened, me and the four guys i always hang with decided to take roofies, all of us, together. at the same time! not only do we not know what happened, we cant figure out who came up with this stupid stupid idea.

I am willing to bet that one of the group 'palmed' his dose.

Hahahaha. :)

drinking straight vodka isn't so bad ... just don't drink the entire bottle :D

ok the one time i got blazin was during a party me , my friend and his fiance went to got drunk there and headed back to their place with three other guys..meanwhile i'm drinking a bottle of beer and decided to smoke a cigarette, iask my friend to hold it for me, he proceeds to toss it off his 2nd floor balcony, i remeber then going to get another beer and then the last thing i remember is waking up in the field across from apartment naked and spooning with a girl...i don't remember much but it seems like i had a pretty damn good time :D

If I could remember, they wouldn't be very good stories.

How in the hell did this gem of a post get pushed down the forum.

Shame on you, shame on you all!

once upon a time my school decided it would be a good idea to offer a trip to china, so its students could partake in a foreign and ancient culture.

Me and my mates, being cultural connoisseurs we decided to go visit the culture that invited writing.

Within 20 minutes of settling into our Beijing hotel we were already scouting around the block for a bar.

And what a bar we found, the Kao Gun (i highly recommend it) its somewhere between a karoke brothel with a hint of cheers, and no one spoke English, just getting them to leave us the freaking menu took 30 minutes.

We began to drink...
Heavily
It was so undescribleably cheap, roughly 10 Yuan for a pint of beer (thank god they did it in pints) that’s less than a pound and about a dollar.

From now the story comes back to me only in frames, somewhere in this roughly 20 meters square bar where two American students, sadly i cannot remember there names, but one looked like Michel Moore and the other was quite a skinny lanky guy, just in case they might be here anyone who stayed in a ‘novatel’ hotel in Beijing last summer please recollect if you were drinking with a bunch of English Teenagers.

Any who we instantly befriended these kind yanks mainly because no one else spoke English and we had been communicating to the bar man via a hooker.
More drinking lots more drinking

The next part of the memory is me and my friends on the karaoke bar singing invisible touch by Phil Collins, with all the hookers and bar staff cheering us on and tossing us fake roses and the like.

I then came to be sitting with some sort of Chinese official, who was in the bar for a 'good time', we then managed to traverse the langue barrier through a system of cigarette exchanges and nods.

Many hours later after meeting more friendly Chinese people and several bouts of karaoke, most of my group decided to go to a massage parlour. Something of my conscious self still residing in me, made me realised that I was far to drunk to go to what for all over purposes was a whore house and risk in my intoxicated state contracting aids.

So we parted ways and I went off into the night, in the vague direction of my hotel. Some how and to this day I do not know I made it back however my geographically abilities then left me.

I made it up to my room, and got changed into my underpants to get a bit of kip. Then for some reason i left my room minus the key.

Ah a problem thought i, quickly freaking out and doubting on I was on the right floor i then began a semi naked run around the hotel, bumping into several startled Chinese people on my way, no i have no idea how much time had passed but i then managed to find a friends room, and they had returned so I ended up sleeping on there floor.

hilarious, I then woke up with the dictionary definition of a hang over, so we all just started drinking again.

a la chine

happy ending no one god aids, or addicted to opium which was lovely.
Couple of stomach ulcers though

seriously china is ....
the greatest place in the world.

There’s several more infamous drinking stories from the same trip but i shall only impart them if this thread fires them up again.

snip

From now on, this man is my god. Please, share your infinite wisdom with me, your loyal servant.

*bows*

:D

From now on, this man is my god. Please, share your infinite wisdom with me, your loyal servant.

*bows*

:D

hahaha.

1. get money
2. go to china

done.
Im taking up a job over summer to fund my next expadition

Also it really really helps to have a chinese friend, we later met up with him, and it made life a lot easier, communicating through the hooker was impossible.

I was in Dublin over Christmas visiting my Dad. So we go into this pub in Temple Bar (The Oulde Dubliner, I think) where we run into another American who turns out to live just down the road from us. He and my Dad were in the Marines at the same time as well, though they didn't know each other. This Garda friend of his, meanwhile starts hitting on me. (I'm 20. He's significantly older). I think the best part was when he started commenting on my chest WITH MY FATHER.

Then there was my friend's 21st. I remember nothing at all from that night, but apparantly I started making screwdrivers which were 99% screw. Orange juice was only for coloring. Then, I gave up on orange juice and used apple juice instead. I was holding the cup between my teeth and started talking to a friend and blamed him for it falling. I called one of my roommates 4 times in 15 minutes to ask the time... that's all they'll tell me.

Before that, I was having a party at our house. Molly and myself starting dancing on the coffee table and it broke, which ended in the two of us laying on top of eachother in the debris laughing hysterically. I decided it would be a good idea to call my other housemate at 3am to tell her I broke her table, and was laughing too hard to get it out. just "You're gonna be so mad at me tomorrow!"

Also, when I get drunk I have an obsession with other people's zippers/buttons. If your garments have either of these items, I will remove it.

Any one else ever got to the state of drunkeness in which they could not operate a public telephone, literally niether dialing nor conversation.

*hands up*

Any one else ever got to the state of drunkeness in which they could not operate a public telephone, literally niether dialing nor conversation.

*hands up*
thats right before the state of drunkeness where lying on concrete is easier than standing. and you end up lying having a stupid conversation about fish or something with the person you dont even know whos lying beside you, also unable to get up

eh, probably, never tried though

thats right before the state of drunkeness where lying on concrete is easier than standing. and you end up lying having a stupid conversation about fish or something with the person you dont even know whos lying beside you, also unable to get up
I once ended up in a bar with a bunch of germans i did not know (allthough it was a good choice as i now do), i had got overlly drunk and started shouting einen beergarden, which apprenlty attracts them like flies.

i allways hate falling over when drunk and no one picks you up, it normally means game over as you go to sleep on the spot.

What about the horisontal makes you conk out when drunk

I once ended up in a bar with a bunch of germans i dint know (allthough it was a good choice as i now do), i had got overlly drunk and started shouting einen beergarden, which apprenlty attracts them like flies.
heh

i was in switzerland and we ran into some danish people who spoke incredible english. so we went and found more danes and they told us what to say to them. (while drunk)

turns out we were complimenting them all on the size of their penises and suchlike. they, of course, found it hilarious. we couldnt get them to say stuff in english because they knew what it meant

I well I got drun and went onto NS, wait a min ? Thas now erm yeah I'm fine HICK all good :D

Edit:I'm now a Cybersheep farmer? OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, Now where's my E-tractor

meditating while drunk is highly recommended.

I've done that, during the middle of a loud party.

at the Valentines party at which i started going out with my current gf, i had half a bottle of tequila (she had the other half) and then proceeded with my two-fold quest. The first part being to handily beat several sober people in foosball. that accomplished, i spent the rest of the night on my second goal. I felt up every soul at that party. Every man, every woman. got at least one groping from me. including the dog (note, i am talking only about breasts. no reproductive organs.) much later, my mission accomplished, i sat in the hostesses bedroom while she sewed my shirt back together. it had, in fact, been torn to shreds by two drunk girls. if i remember any more, i'll add it.

I've done that, during the middle of a loud party.
I believe it is more commonly termed "passing out."

diving head first onto a beer bottle

I've done that, during the middle of a loud party.
that's where i did it. i'd jsut gotten in an argument with my lady, so i drank, then sat on a wall, closed my eyes, and got lost in my mind.

I got brought home by the cops when I fell drunk into the grass back when I was 15

Oh dang.

well....

One time, when I was 16, I went out with a friend and we tackled a gallon of vodka and a carton of orange juice. Well we ran out of orange juice, but by then, we couldnt taste anything anyway. So we just drank it straight....poured it over ice in McDonald's cups. While we were at Mc D'S -I was hungry and thought I'd try to eat a 20 piece McNugget by myself. Bad idea Kel......when she took me home, I opened the car door, fell face down on the ground in my front yard, and proceeded to throw up chicken nuggets and vodka . Now I was face down in the grass. Raise head 3 inches, puke, face plops down on the ground again...then repeat about 10 times. It was horrible. My friend came over to help me and then she got sick from the smell of the partially digested nuggets, so she threw up too......on my head. So I'm suffocating in my front yard, in my own puke, and now I have a Quarter Pounder with cheese in my hair. My mom comes out and said screw it and let us both sleep there all night. We woke up at like 12 noon, in the yard, it was about 95 degrees outside. Worst hang over ever.....

more later...

Ohhh, I don't know if I can compete with you guys, but I'll tell a few stories.

One Halloween I drank everything:hard liquor, schnapps, keg beer and Guinness, creamy drinks and citrus drinks... I know I licked eyeballs, twice, let my dog do a keg stand and tried to talk to the cops while holding a penis water-bottle. I humped a lot of people, puked in my trashcan and passed out.

About a year ago, I decided to have a "porno pajama party." I drank 12 Black & Tans in 3 hours. I flashed everyone, made out with girls and at one point (my friends tell me) was on the floor, in the fetal position, giggling uncontrollably.

On a school trip to orlando I drank 2/3 of a fifth of 99 proof apple schnapps. I did a lot of bad, bad things. I was so drunk and out of control my friends tried dunking me in this cold-ass pool. no good, they ended up taking me back to my room. on the way I couldn't walk worth shit and I had these long, loose pants on, I kept stepping on them, so my friends had to take my pants off. I puked in the room. It smelled like apples.

mostly all my other stories amount to some combo of:
laying down
laughing uncontrollably
gay behavior
overtly sexual behavior
falling down
clinging to the ground so I won't fall off
telling people stuff that I'm not supposed to in a really LOUD voice
screaming randomly

I believe it is more commonly termed "passing out."

No, it was actual meditation, closed eyes, crossed legs, deep breathing. I coulsd here the party going around me and my friends talking to me. Then I just snapped out of it and just walked downstairs nearly sober. My friends have tons of pictures of them trying to get me to react, its pretty weird.

Yay i revived this fantastic thread.

Im too tired to regale you with more stories, but if its still here tommorw, i can give you a cracker of story about a certain shanghi holiday inn.

I got pissed last night but nothing interesting happened. Last weekend I got drunk and me and my m8 met a pissed guy who, once he established what school we used to go to, claimed to be the cousin of probably the most popular teacher at my old school. According to this guy (who was a 20 year alcoholic but had been clean of drugs for 3 weeks) the teacher was a fucking ponse and he didn't like him. There are other stories, like when I got ripped on shrooms and lit my hair on fire, or when I got really drunk, really stoned, took some herbals and went to a strip club for about 4 hours.

I think the strangest thing i've managed to do whilst drunk is turn a nightclub dancefloor into a moshpit. I was out with a few friends on a friday night, lot of drink was involved (goes without saying really) to give us the courage to go dancing, and before we knew it, the darkness comes on and everyones slamming into each other and pushing everyone. A lot of us and quite a few other people fell over a number of times. I really dont know how we didnt get thrown out.

I think the strangest thing i've managed to do whilst drunk is turn a nightclub dancefloor into a moshpit. I was out with a few friends on a friday night, lot of drink was involved (goes without saying really) to give us the courage to go dancing, and before we knew it, the darkness comes on and everyones slamming into each other and pushing everyone. A lot of us and quite a few other people fell over a number of times. I really dont know how we didnt get thrown out.
Ditto i manged to turn a charity concert with ages 11-18 (who had come for a bit of light enterainment) into a full scale riot, after turning up excessively drunk.

My friends band was playing metalica mind you,


700TH POST!!!

I was drunk once when I was the best man at my Uncle's wedding.
The best man's speech was more interesting than anyone had hoped for :)

One of my friends once managed to get so pissed, he fell off his chair sideways and crawled out under a closed tent door (we were having dinner in a garden tent) and managed to run to the toilet. he trew up and hit the centre of the toilet but there was a slight problem since he forgot to open the lid. :(

anyway. having put him to bed, we went back to drink with out resident tutor (this was all at leaver's dinner at a boarding house). Later on me and a friend decide to check on the drunk guy who should still be in his bed. we couldn't find him though so having searched the whole house (it's a house for 60 people) we come back really frustrated and somehow scared since we just "lost" a guy in a locked house.
just as we were walking back into his room, he came climbing in from the window sill!!!!! he was actually out there and must have been there for quite some time. considering he couldn't even walk anymore, it was completely stupid of him to climb out there. his room is about 10m high and the floor outside is concrete. he would not have survived if he had fallen out.

we then locked him into his room. funnily, he doesn't remember any of it

one more great story:

one of my friends was drunk once and he was also really paranoid because he drank a girl's drink which tasted weird so he thought it had been spiked with drugs or something.
the next day we told him how he's been running around the house (large boarding house for about 60 people) naked trying to spank someone with a towel and lots of other weird things he did.

I think to this day, he still thinks he had some sex-rape drugs in his drink whereas in fact, he just fell asleep on his bed and we started making up stories!

Drinking + Boarding Houses = Hillarous Stories.

I once goose Steped my way compltely drunk all across my collage, into my house, past various house officals such as the resident tutor, and direclty into my room where unpon i collpased.

Fuking hillarous im told, the reprecusions were not.

drinking straight vodka isn't so bad ... just don't drink the entire bottle :D


whats the point if you dont drink the whole bottle?

During an official trip in Czech Republic last year, I got messily drunk ... now, there's no problem with that usually as I'm thick skinned when it comes to that but I suddenly felt the urge to go take a piss while I wasn't physically able to do it all by myself, so while resting against a wall, I caught 2 mates by the neck and the shirt of a female coworker (and for a good reason, you'll see) and pushed them outside while they were doing their best to carry me.
I drop one of the guys and manage to undo my trousers' zip by myself to then head toward an angle in the wall facing me to rest my head and avoid falling over. I do my thing as my mates were looking away when wall of a sudden they hear something slipping and hitting the ground followed by a moan of pain ... that was me. My head had slipped from the corner as I was about to "close the door" and I felt on my left side. The two gentlemen manage to get my arms back on their shoulders when I realize that my zip is still open.
Being a bit unsure about the two men, I ask the lady which was known in our group to be the perfect exemple of a butch lesbian, 1.90m for roughly 100 kg to shut the zipper as I was confident in her :). It took some time as none of us all were completely clear but she eventually put my trousers back on and managed to put back everything in it's normal place.
I only remember parts of this evening (I've been told the beginning bit when I grab my three mates) but the day after I knew where a deep cut in my left paw and the piss on my lower left trousers leg came from.
I proceeded to make my apologies to the lady who made her duty to help me in one of my most miserable moments and since then we're the best drinking buddies you can imagine.
The doubts concerning my two mates date back from our army time: one of them was a former sailor and the other used to serve in a Marine infantry regiment.... :)


There was also this time in french guyana quite a long time ago back when I was stationed there (and believe me, that's a long time ago now), I took back to our quarters half of my section on my back (one at a time naturally) from the brothel to their barracks and laid them on their bed, we were celebrating the arrival of a new element in our section. :)

There have been also so many bar fights between us and airborne toughies or Infantrie de Marine ... we used to win ... I still have quite a few Red and dark Blue berrets laying along with my other "souvenirs".

I think the worst for me was the time where I ended up imitating some kind of prehistorical fish dandling myself in the african horn sand while pushing cries similar to those of a whale ...

More recently, my brother asked me to look after a party organised by his daughter and if needed to act as security/body guard, héhéhé.
I ended up drinking a whole vodka bottle along with quite a few beers with some blonde italian guy discussing about how to use a blade as a self defense weapon before going outside to jump along with a bunch of retarded teenagers on top of some bushes in a public square downtown to finally end up jumping into some huge garbage truck bucket behind some supermarket ... it was a quite interesting experience, it was interesting to see that the youths get as pissed as us and do their lot of mess :)


Naturally there's the usual pee on a car tyre or the occasional instinctive oversexed behavior ... héhé.
I have way too much drinking stories... maybe I shoudl stop drinking :)

A couple mates and I had a bottle of absinthe, by the end of the night I was talking to a pink mohawked weinerdog and a midget with purple skin

whats the point if you dont drink the whole bottle?
ehm, sharing it with your mates?

and ehm, normally I would go on a rant about how some people don't drink JUST to get drunk, but try to enjoy the taste of what they're drinking as well, but with vodka that's not the case :D

When I was in Paris on the way back to the hostel, I stole the broom from a street-cleaner (doing nightshift of course). With that I cleaned every traffic-light on the way back to the hostel, since I was convinced that they were never got cleaned !!!!


WHY ???


Because I can !!! (Mad Mike, Pimp my Ride)

In a drunken moment of stupidity I drank a friends drink which she didnt want. I dont remember anything after that and I was bed ridden for the next week. :(

the moral of the story dont leave drinks unattended and dont drink anyone elses drink especially if they are a hot chick

My boss managed to get really pissed on saturday night and get run over by a taxi. He still turned up to work and told me about it on sunday evening.

It was once my habit to scare the crap out of my friends by drinking vodka mixed with whisky in a double shot. Then, unfortunately, someone catches me with the apple juice carton, my vodka and an expression like a rabbit in headlights...

Crap.

So, they drag me outside, pass me the real thing and refuse to let me back in the house until I've drunk it. There follows a period of squirming, dealing and general abeyance that leads to one of my mates putting me in a headlock until I agree to drink it.

Now my original plan was to spill the majority down my shirt. Unfortunately, by this point I had consumed a not unreasonable quantity of legitimate, neat vodka - so I end up drinking the whole lot - Smirnoff and Southern Comfort, down in one.

Apparently at this point, I gave an almost Shakespearean speech concerning how I'd fooled them all, pointed to a completely dry t-shirt as proof of my genius before deciding to head from Brent Cross to China Town for a meal. I throw up in an expensive chinese restaraunt, spend an hour in the toilet of said restaraunt and get out seconds before the waiter beats the shit out of me. My friend and his girlfriend roll me into a taxi and I head to the university halls where they both live. Fortunately, my friend is sharing a room with his girlfriend, so there is a spare bed, where they tuck me in an leave me to sleep it off.

Unfortunately, I need the bathroom. I spent at least 45 increasingly desperate minutes padding up and down identical hallways trying to find the damn toilets, followed by an increasingly anxious 45 minutes on the way back.

All in all, a remarkably pleasant night that has taught me much: Student Justice is Harsh But Fair.

I remember most of it as if it were yesterday, it was my 19th birthday and I had just finished a day of cleaning toilets at my new job. I had arranged to go to Dreamworld (a theme park with roller coasters and other exciting rides) the next day with some friends (shop-a-docket group discount).

I went to my friend Danny's place and she and I had a few drinks (Astii and then Vodka and Orange) I drank too much so i went into Danny's toilet to sit down. I was fine, sitting there for 20 minutes but Tina needed to go to the toilet so I had to get out. I was fine until I turned around to flush the toilet. The spinning in such a small room made me vomit everywhere, all over the floor, twice. So I clean up as best I can.

Shock! Horror! I run out of toilet paper! This being done I opened a box of tampons and open one and try to clean up the floor with that. I did a reasonable job too and then I vacated the toilet. Danny gave me a mop and I wiped up what I could, then Danny noticed that there was no toilet paper left. This ended in Danny yelling at me that I'd eaten all of her toilet paper and me yelling I only ate a tampon.

So I caught the train home and fel asleep on the train, woke up at the end of the line and had to walk back home. I got home, showered and changed and went out to a nightclub where I had agreed to meet Danny. When I got there she was no where to be seen. So, I did what anyone in my position would do, I picked up a cute boy.

So we get a taxi to his granny flat that is attached to his parent's house, I give the cab driver $20 and tell him to keep the change, not a bad tip for a $5 trip. So we were all over each other in the club and in the taxi, but when we get back to his place he decides to smoke a couple of cones and watch "Star Trek" (DS9, which is a great show even when not in a chemically altered state).

Alexei has a cat named Vascia (emphasis on the 'S' not the 'C') who is huge and insane. I go off to the bathroom and I'm standing there urinating when suddenly I hear the door slide open, it's Vascia, damn cat has managed to slide open the door with her mammoth paws.

It seems Vascia has not seem many men urinate in the standing position, for she jumped onto the rim of the bowl and stared at the stream into the bowl. I knew this was not good, especially when Vascia started to swipe at the urine stream, but I wasn't sure what to do.

Vascia then decided to walk in front of the urine stream which hit her square in the head. This seemed to piss her off (pun intended) so she jumped for my mid-region, something I am very protective about. Instinctivly I shoved the cat back from me and I manage to urinate on the wall, the toilet, the floor, even the kitty litter box.

IT WAS ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE!!!

It seems when shoving the cat back I had pushed it into the airspace above the toilet bowl. Due to the fundamental laws of physics and cats Vascia fell into the toilet bowl. Staggering forward I grabbed onto the water tank for support, accidentually pressing the flush button with Vascia the cat still remaining inside the toilet bowl.

Vascia tore up my sleeve ruining a new black shirt and landed on the floor behind me with an undignified SPLAT. This left me with a huge mess, a torn clothing, a urine smell, a large pissed off cat in a confined area with me and a drunk/stoned Russian who was starting to loose his grasp on the English language.

(Yes, it gets WORSE!)!

Woken by the noise, Alexie's father, a large, large, angry Russian man (who I think is named Mitya) came to see what the noise was. Mitya has no grasp of the English language at all and he bursts in to find his son passed out, a urine soaked cat tearing along the carpet between his legs and I in the bathroom in it's present state.

Mitya looked at me, I looked at Mitya. Then I used the only Russian word I know that isn't a curse, "vodka." Mitya seemed to accept this as a reasonable response and left. While complaining loudly in Russian about what I can only assume was the noise and the mess.

It's as Mitya leaves that Alexei wakes up and I get to explain what happened. "Alexei, I pissed on your pussy."

So we had sex and I went home, only to be woken two hours later by my phone, it wasn't Danny asking if I had eaten her toilet paper again. I was still drunk when I awoke. It was my friends who I was going to the theme park Dreamworld with, just making sure I was still on plan. So I got up, showered and went to Dreamworld still intoxicated. I survived all the rides, all day plus the unhealthy foods which were the only ones for sale. This was until the Gravatron (like a huge centrifuge, spins round until relative gravity is affected). The poor children.

bump- its monday, AND IT IS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I promise Ill write some tonight, just as soon as I get time to type up something that can do my stories even the slightest modicum of justice. Until then... wow Occidio... you're hot! :D

in high school- we learned about a drink from a then unheard of, but now VERY VERY famous band, that we used to hang out with, it was called "80" and its gin, and this crap called Ecto cooler that Hi-C sold back in the ghost buster days. {(BTW) ifound some at this ghetto store, and bought 11 cases of it, which i tap into occasionally.]
anyhow, after drinking copious amounts of this crap, and getting trashed, as no highschooler can, myself and a few people went to the record store. in our underwear. we bought that charles manson album, and walked back home, put the thing on full blast, and went on the roof of the garage, blowing bubbles, throwing incense and razors at one another, pretending to be hippies and listeningto my friend jeremy do a damn good manson sermon, in which he convinced us to go into the neighbors house, and steal diet coke. which we did. they werent home, or we would have been in huge trouble. the night ended after we got back on the roof, and two of my friends fell off into my moms rose bushes, prompting a much needed- "everyone go to bed!! soberup !! the paramedics are coming!!!" which they werent. we just let the two guys bleed all over my parents sheets. oh the trouble i got into...........

another night,when i lived in norway, we went to oslo for a night out. this chick was driving, and at this light, she yells "chinese firedrill!!!" and we all get , and run around the car, screaming our drunken heads off. the car next to us had these three guys in it, ( who knew my boyfriend, but i did NOT know that!) and one of them GOT OUT AND PULLED ME IN THE CAR!! and there is my bf erik, waving "bye!" and i thought i was gtting kidnapped, but was too drunk too really care, after all, the guy in the back seat was HOT!!!! and i was in norway!!! any how, they took me to an industrial club, where we danced, and i forgot erik existed, and then they drove me back to his friends apartment, where erik was waiting, cracking up. they still, apparently , talk about kidnapping the american girl, because people think it was more sinister than it was really was.

The biggest wonder for me was when i was with two friends driving around in a city and we drove into a one-way from the wrong side. Cops caught us, saw a completly wasted person (the car owner) and two people who were heavily intoxicated and stoned, but able to keep straight faces. They asked whos car it was, agreed with us that the owner couldnt drive anymore, accepted our excuse of not knowing the town (which was right and supported by the fact that our license plate didnt fit), went to their patrol car and brought us a map and showed us the way to the party we were goin to. They even drove part of the way in front of us with the "Please stop" sign as a signal how long we should follow them until they had to take a turn from our route. As i remember, they never even asked for the drivers license of my chum. ;)
Last weekend i was larping and got really wasted (the beer was for free and we liberated a good amount of Ouzo as part of the game). I held out pretty good, but i wasnt up for what the real weirdos did. They climbed on the watchtower, which was some 15 meters above ground over very old (14th century), shaky and dangerous stairs and on two sides went down the entire steep hill, which adds some 200 meters. On the platform they got naked, quaffed their beer, sang rowdy songs and all off them made it back safely. As i am afraid of heights even going up there in daylight frightened me, but the thought of doing it in near complete darkness just to drink beer naked in crowded conditions gets me shivering.

hey jester. ouzo ???? OUZO???? ugh. thats the WORST thing to drink. how can you take that???? wait. you are german. you can take anything. ;)

...well, after a raucous night with the boys, I woke up to find I'd married a beautiful Swedish Princess, who owned every female sauna in the country. Which was nice. [/Fast show]

Nah, I don't have good drunken stories. They are mostly same old same old; naked drunken dancing on tables, chasing after a dog when it was icy crying 'I love you!' until I was hoarse, building a 6ft pyramid of beer cans...normal stuff.

The primary difference between all your stories and mine is that you remember what you were doing.

lets not forget when we all went skinny dipping in the pool in this housing tract. someone stole my clothes, i saw him , and gave chase. in just a thong, i sprinted in the front door after the guy, slipped on the tile floor in the kitchen, and fellon my ass, like in a cartoon. it did not help that my friend steve, jumped on top of me, and grabbed my face and start smooching me all over, yelling in this french accent how sexy i was, and that he wanted to kiss my soul. so i couldnt get up, and every one is laughing, my cool is utterly BLOWN, so i did what any self respecting drunk,topless 17 year old girl would do- got up, on the counter, started this stripper dance, and gained my reputation back. i am so glad i would never do that as an adult. :D

The primary difference between all your stories and mine is that you remember what you were doing.
for every story i remember about a bad night of drinking- there is 5 that i cant recall in the slightest.

hey jester. ouzo ???? OUZO???? ugh. thats the WORST thing to drink.
No. The worst thing i ever drank was a russian herb liqour which looked, felt and tasted like crude oil. But it was the only thing left in the house... :D
Besides, if you have enough beer or Retsina to push it down Ouzo is ok. I found out it never leaves me with a hangover.

I'll see what I can remember this evening (or better yet, tomorrow evening, going to visit a brewery tomorrow afternoon and we get 1 hour to taste over 60 beers :D )

The primary difference between all your stories and mine is that you remember what you were doing.
Nah. I have video footage of mine. Damn my techno-friends.

got up, on the counter, started this stripper dance, and gained my reputation back. i am so glad i would never do that as an adult.
*finds video on the web*

Oh really?

Nah. I have video footage of mine. Damn my techno-friends.


*finds video on the web*

Oh really?
you wouldnt want to see it. thats when i was basically anorexic, and still had implants. not cute at all......

you wouldnt want to see it. thats when i was basically anorexic, and still had implants. not cute at all......
so, you're not Libby Hoeler...

Argh, the thought! :eek:

I was getting out of a college party with 3 friends and we where pretty drunk/stoned. We were walking down the street hungry like ogre and stopped at subway for some food. Its 3 AM and The guy behind the counter is applying every freaking compagnie policies by the book. Offering us every single guarniture one by one and repeating them just to be sure:
-Want some tomato
-hum no thanks
-OK, so no tomato, want some salad...
He was acting like he had 3 supervisor on is back

Speaking of weird thing, have you ever watch "The Price Is Rigth" will drunk or stone? Its pretty unreal.

At my graduation, me and some friend were smoking a joint waiting for the taxi to take us at the party place. We where young and not so used to pot, and as the cab arrive we were finishing the joint. We freaked up that the taxi driver would notice our strange mood. So we tough that making conversation with him would reduce is suspicion. Unfortunatly we mostly sounded like beavis and butthead

has this thread died already?

well i dont drink so i dont have any stories :P

well i dont drink so i dont have any stories :P
someday you will. and there will be stories.
Kevady- how was the brewery?

someday you will. and there will be stories.
Kevady- how was the brewery?
doubit it, unless i go even deeper into depression or something

Nothing hysterical that I've personally done, but I've seen some funny shit. When I was a kid, we went to a Brewers Game (Baseball), the last one they had $0.10 beer at, and I saw a teacher (yes, that's right, a teacher!) staggering towards the restroom balancing a stack of styrofoam cups around a meter and a half high. that was the third inning. By the time the game was done, he was passed out and had to be driven home. Other people in our group thought they had lost their car, so they waited until there were around a dozen vehicles left in the paking lot before they went looking. It was an interesting time.

doubit it, unless i go even deeper into depression or something
lets be a positive lad, and say you will be getting some help, and direction, and working out the issues in your life so you can be free to do what you like.

Nothing hysterical that I've personally done, but I've seen some funny shit. When I was a kid, we went to a Brewers Game (Baseball), the last one they had $0.10 beer at, and I saw a teacher (yes, that's right, a teacher!) staggering towards the restroom balancing a stack of styrofoam cups around a meter and a half high. that was the third inning. By the time the game was done, he was passed out and had to be driven home. Other people in our group thought they had lost their car, so they waited until there were around a dozen vehicles left in the paking lot before they went looking. It was an interesting time. pretty funny. 10 cent beer would do america in. even when you dont mind paying three bucks a beer, there is something magical about cheap beer. along the lines of- i should drink waaay more than usual!!! its an amusing syndrome.

Yup. I am also suddenly reminded that I have had one drunken wonder story. No 10 cent beer in this one, but it did involve a hot tub, friends of both genders, and someone stealing everyone's pants.

Let's hear people's best drunk stories!

A couple of years ago, I was out with my cousin and her boyfriend in Sarasota, FL (at Gilligan's if anyone knows it). We were all drunk and they decided to go home and left me there to catch a cab. Some guys tried to pick a fight with me over a girl (I think). I set my drink down while arguing with them and one of them spiked it. I walked away from them and hung out for a bit longer before I realized I'd been drugged. I wandered outside where, lo and behold, I ran into the same guys. I was could myself losing the ability to move and/or even standup so I made a big scene and managed, somehow, to talk these guys down and then I took off down the street. That's the last thing I remember from that night.

The next morning I woke up with my pants open in the passenger seat of a car a couple of miles from the bar. An old woman was banging on the window saying, "That's not your car! What are you doing in there?!?" I closed my pants, jumped out of the car and ran down the street. I still have no idea how I got in that car or why my pants were open. DC, you better not have had anything to do with it.

Let's hear people's best drunk stories!

A couple of years ago, I was out with my cousin and her boyfriend in Sarasota, FL (at Gilligan's if anyone knows it). We were all drunk and they decided to go home and left me there to catch a cab. Some guys tried to pick a fight with me over a girl (I think). I set my drink down while arguing with them and one of them spiked it. I walked away from them and hung out for a bit longer before I realized I'd been drugged. I wandered outside where, lo and behold, I ran into the same guys. I was could myself losing the ability to move and/or even standup so I made a big scene and managed, somehow, to talk these guys down and then I took off down the street. That's the last thing I remember from that night.

The next morning I woke up with my pants open in the passenger seat of a car a couple of miles from the bar. An old woman was banging on the window saying, "That's not your car! What are you doing in there?!?" I closed my pants, jumped out of the car and ran down the street. I still have no idea how I got in that car or why my pants were open. DC, you better not have had anything to do with it.
Nope, I'm innocent. Never been to Sarasota. I've been banned from Key Largo though. Me and three of my pals were staying in Key Largo for a couple of days in order to catch the halloween festival on Key West. On the last night we were there, we were drunk and high on cocaine. We made such a ruckus that the sherrif's department was called. One of my friends, the one with the drugs, borrowed my knife to cut the hotel matress open so he could stash the drugs before the cops could enter our room. My knife was confiscated, the cops didn't seem to understand my wise-ass remarks, and we were warned not to come back to Key Largo. If they ever found the drugs we didn't hear about it.

Not much of a story really, but being banned from an island has got to count for something.

Hehe, I got my now ex-boyfriends chased out of a bar, because he "beat" me...

Long story short, we went outside, and that's when those shots of whiskey and beers caught up with us. I tripped, he fell on top of me, I yelled at him to get off, cuz he's like, heavy.... and about twenty drunk guys saw this and screamed and threatened him, saying how they were going to kick his girl-beatin'ass....
Of course, I was so drunk that all I could do was agree, "I hate you, you beat me, ARgggghhhhh!!" and taking in all this sympathy from all of these people, while I'm trying so hard not to laugh.
. This succeeded in my boyfriend screaming and running away, saying "I'M A MONSTER!!!"

...we all went back to cardiff and had a few hours to kill before our bus left for london. we were walking around the cardiff waterfront, having had drunk to cure our hangovers from the night before, and noticed a sign for the 'norwegian church museum' or something like that.

we found a museum inside a long big metal tube but it turned out to be a museum about ww2 where you could smell the exihibits, honestly, each one had a little panel that it instructed you to smell.

when we got out of that we saw a big red building that looked like a catherdral

there was a sign outside sayng "welsh assembly - public welcome." we thought it must be the norwegian church, assembly usually means church in the US.

we went through two sets of doors and were met by what appeared to be airport security. I had to put my pack through a metal detector and take out a notebook because it had a "spring" in it.

a bit fazed (man those welsh love their cathedrals!@?) we went through another set of doors and found ourselves in a strange room filled with computers and stuff about wales.

In the air was suspended a large flat screen monitor where some people in suits were arguing.

It was the Welsh National Assembly

and it was in session.

Only parliament i've ever... accidentally wandered into.

I remember we played Jengga with Chevas & Vodka. Every piece we pulled out, we'll take a shot.

I can't remember how many rounds we went.. What I remember last before falling asleep on the chair, was that my friend was concentrating trying to pull out a piece from the Jengga.. he suddenly fell asleep and crashed his head through it. We all laughed at him.

Anyway, when I woke up next morning. His face was still buried in the Jengga. And some of my other friends build a house over his head with the Jengga pieces.

...we all went back to cardiff and had a few hours to kill before our bus left for london. we were walking around the cardiff waterfront, having had drunk to cure our hangovers from the night before, and noticed a sign for the 'norwegian church museum' or something like that.

we found a museum inside a long big metal tube but it turned out to be a museum about ww2 where you could smell the exihibits, honestly, each one had a little panel that it instructed you to smell.

when we got out of that we saw a big red building that looked like a catherdral

there was a sign outside sayng "welsh assembly - public welcome." we thought it must be the norwegian church, assembly usually means church in the US.

we went through two sets of doors and were met by what appeared to be airport security. I had to put my pack through a metal detector and take out a notebook because it had a "spring" in it.

a bit fazed (man those welsh love their cathedrals!@?) we went through another set of doors and found ourselves in a strange room filled with computers and stuff about wales.

In the air was suspended a large flat screen monitor where some people in suits were arguing.

It was the Welsh National Assembly

and it was in session.

Only parliament i've ever... accidentally wandered into.
:p
that big tube museum thing is fucking weird isn't it? :p

:p
that big tube museum thing is fucking weird isn't it? :p


It took all my self control not to go to the information counter at that place and say "Cardiff is the capital?.... of what?

...Wales

"Wales? Arent we in England?"

...No, you're in Wales.

"Oh I see, so wales is like a state of england? I'm from Arizona, but we're alwas in America when we're in Arizona"

....No, wales is not part of england

"Um, yeah it is I took a bus here from london, there is water in between england and ireland, besides the Prince of Wales is the next king of england"



didint though, the welsh were on the whole kind and welcoming. we messed up part of this pub and they didnt get that mad. they did unplug the jukebox though.

well, kind and welcoming but for some little-kid types that gave us dirty looks, but we were burly americans with a shady looking frenchman, and they didnt want any :)

every sorry bastard that posted on this thread is on direct violation of rule 456A, section 98-07, code 34RT, paragrap892324.

just say no to occidio copycats who dont scroll back the general forums even one page, to see that i did this thread this week, and people posted on it as of two days ago.
you have a future in store for you......

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=411237 THATS THE THREAD!! THE GENERAL FORUM EXISTS BEYOND THE FIRST PAGE. so pay attention.


all done now.

..we were burly americans with a shady looking frenchman...

That would be an awesome book title.

WE WERE BURLY AMERICANS
With a Shady Frenchman
B y : N e w G r a n a d a

just putting this back on page one, KKTHXBYEZ

every sorry bastard that posted on this thread is on direct violation of rule 456A, section 98-07, code 34RT, paragrap892324.

just say no to occidio copycats who dont scroll back the general forums even one page, to see that i did this thread this week, and people posted on it as of two days ago.
you have a future in store for you......

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=411237 THATS THE THREAD!! THE GENERAL FORUM EXISTS BEYOND THE FIRST PAGE. so pay attention.


all done now.

Sorry. I didn't see it. I'll post there.

A couple of years ago, I was out with my cousin and her boyfriend in Sarasota, FL (at Gilligan's if anyone knows it). We were all drunk and they decided to go home and left me there to catch a cab. Some guys tried to pick a fight with me over a girl (I think). I set my drink down while arguing with them and one of them spiked it. I walked away from them and hung out for a bit longer before I realized I'd been drugged. I wandered outside where, lo and behold, I ran into the same guys. I was could myself losing the ability to move and/or even standup so I made a big scene and managed, somehow, to talk these guys down and then I took off down the street. That's the last thing I remember from that night.

The next morning I woke up with my pants open in the passenger seat of a car a couple of miles from the bar. An old woman was banging on the window saying, "That's not your car! What are you doing in there?!?" I closed my pants, jumped out of the car and ran down the street. I still have no idea how I got in that car or why my pants were open. DC, you better not have had anything to do with it.

*bump*

every sorry bastard that posted on this thread is on direct violation of rule 456A, section 98-07, code 34RT, paragrap892324.

just say no to occidio copycats who dont scroll back the general forums even one page, to see that i did this thread this week, and people posted on it as of two days ago.
you have a future in store for you......

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=411237 THATS THE THREAD!! THE GENERAL FORUM EXISTS BEYOND THE FIRST PAGE. so pay attention.


all done now.

lol are you drunk OM? you're linking to this thread :p you even made poor Jocabia post his story twice :D

lol are you drunk OM? you're linking to this thread :p you even made poor Jocabia post his story twice :D

It was my fault. I should have been more careful not to induce the wrath of OM.

One time I was so drunk I was peeing on my bed...

One time I was so drunk I was peeing on my bed...

I was in the military with a dude who had a real problem with peeing in odd places when he was drunk. we always made him sleep on the bottom bunk for obvious reason. I think if he'd ever peed on my bed I'd have skinned him.