NationStates Jolt Archive

It's your funeral, it's your last party ever. You just gotta liven it up!

I want a body double in the open casket as people line up to see me for one last time. Suddenly, right before my casket is lowered underground, the double will bust out the casket doing a mad-person laugh and run away. Fake cops on the scene will pretend to kill the double, and everyone rushes to the "dead" body. After my mother weeps over her supposedly dead son, the double will jolt back to life and give her a note from me saying, "HAHA! YOU FELL FOR IT!!111".

Then my true body will arrive in the casket in the limo of Frankie Muniz (hey, by the time I die he'll be a little over my age), whom I paid $5,000 to come and cry at my funeral. My casket will have wheels and will be controlled by remote control by my best friend over to my grave, where it shall fall in.

And then a little American flag will pop out of a hole in my casket, and the Star-Spangled Banner will play (from a stereo speaker in my casket). Everyone will salute the flag. There will be tears.

And then, "It's Time to Party" by Andrew WK will play.

Funeral? By the time my body cuts out they will have perfected the technology to transfer my brain into an immortal and heavilly armed robot body.

Funeral? By the time my body cuts out they will have perfected the technology to transfer my brain into an immortal and heavilly armed robot body.
Okay, so while I sleep in 24/7 you'll be awake in a limited body.

How enlightened. :)

I want to die in battle, and proceed to be launched out to sea on a raft, shot full of flaming arrows, and have my warriors thow my weapons in the lake as an offering to Tyr.

could we expand this to what songs would you have?
funeral:
Stairway To Heaven - Led Zep
I hope you die - Bloodhound gang
Suicide is painless - forgot who did that
Bat out of hell - Meat Loaf

Cremmation
Smoke gets in your eyes
Blaze away
Fire, Water, Burn

Right thats my tasteful contribution ;)

could we expand this to what songs would you have?

Well, I'm just going to have a solitary horn playing a low, loud note as I'm launched, so I guess you could.

How you want your perfect funeral...picture this..Castro, Mandela,Walesa,the Ayatollah Arafat,(yes i know some are dead) Reagan, Che-Guebara, Clinton, Chirac,both Korean Presidents, ...they all come to pay respects to you..

I will donate my body to "Fear Factor". Contestants will see who can tear off the largest quantity of rotten, maggot infested flesh from my bones using only their teeth in a five minute period. Whatever is left over will be ground up and fed to orphans.

I will donate my body to "Fear Factor". Contestants will see who can tear off the largest quantity of rotten, maggot infested flesh from my bones using only their teeth in a five minute period. Whatever is left over will be ground up and fed to orphans.
that actually makes my contribution look tasteful :D

The perfect funeral for me is to shove my body into a cannon with a small timed fuse attached to me. Shoot me out of the cannon and time it right so it explodes right before Mary's House for the Necrophobia. :rolleyes:

My perfect funeral involves a whole bunch of family & friends drunk off their faces.

My perfect funeral involves a whole bunch of family & friends drunk off their faces.
In that case maybe you should hold the funeral an hour or two before your death then, it would be a shame to miss all the fun.

could we expand this to what songs would you have?
A Tout Le Monde by Megadeth (Dave Mustaine's suicide note as a song... nice & depressing :))
Hallowed Be Thy Name by Iron Maiden
A Question of Heaven and Watching over Me by Iced Earth
Trail Of Tears by Testament
and Don't Fear The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult :D

The perfect funeral for me is to shove my body into a cannon with a small timed fuse attached to me. Shoot me out of the cannon and time it right so it explodes right before Mary's House for the Necrophobia. :rolleyes:
http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/books/04/05/hunter.thompson.ap/index.html

A Tout Le Monde by Megadeth (Dave Mustaine's suicide note as a song... nice & depressing :))
Hallowed Be Thy Name by Iron Maiden
A Question of Heaven and Watching over Me by Iced Earth
Trail Of Tears by Testament
and Don't Fear The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult :D

DAMN I FORGOT THE THE CULT OF BLUE OYSTER'S O THE SHAME,

*repeatedly smashes head into wall* :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/books/04/05/hunter.thompson.ap/index.html

I don't want ashes, I want my body with a small fuse, small enough not to explode it into a mist and have a fire ball, but big enough to make a nice buckshot at the Necrophobias >:D

In that case maybe you should hold the funeral an hour or two before your death then, it would be a shame to miss all the fun.

I'd just depress everyone.

I don't want a damn funeral. It's a waste of money. I just want them to harvest the usable organs, donate the rest to science, and have a big party. Just think how much booze 8,000 bucks would buy. :D

I don't want a damn funeral. It's a waste of money. I just want them to harvest the usable organs, donate the rest to science, and have a big party. Just think how much booze 8,000 bucks would buy. :D

I totally thought of when Peter Griffen said he'd donate his body.

i dont plan on dieing but....
i say it should be a lot like Woodstock

I don't want a funeral...
I want to die on my feet, and hit the nuclear launch button on my way down.
Blow up the world.

One massive orgy… no family members allowed.

well, preferably i would be dead

I dunno about the funeral really. I would like to leave a notice to everyone that they're not allowed to be sad, if they're going to talk about me, it has to be happy things.

And then at the end, everyone gets a small vial with a bit of my ashes to release when they feel ready to let go, in a nice place they think I would like.

Funerals are sad. I don't want people to be sad. Therefore, I won't have one. Or if I do, I won't invite anyone in my family who's overly emotional. I'll donate my body to science. Maybe have them put my eyeballs in a jar, just cause that would be awesome. Heck, it's not like I'll miss them if I'm dead

I don't know exactly how I'd want it to go, but there are a few things that I definitely want to happen. Jokes must be told, and people must spend at least as much time laughing as crying. Someone should tell a story of something stupid I did, possibly while drunk, and everyone should laugh at how much of a dumbass I was. I can never figure out what songs I want played at it, because every time I think of one, I think, "Well, that would be kind of stupid to play that one when I'm dead anyway." I think "Mattersville" by NOFX would work pretty well, and I'm sure someone I know could pick out some other fitting ones.

It begins nice and somber, with everyone mourning for me. I am to be cremated shortly, but for now, all anyone can think of is that I look so peacefull, lying there where the pyre is to be lit. As per my will, a small box is placed on my chest - noone has opened it, and I am the only one to have known the contents, which are now to be burned. Another instruction in my will is that after the box is placed, everyone is to watch from a long distance, at least 100 yards away, and the fire is to be lit from that same distance through a remote control, or something.

As the fire licks at the box, a chemical reaction begins. People scream at the sound of an explosion, as the box blows open, revealing the large packet of fireworks within :)

I'm going to put it in my will that I want as little crying as possible at my funeral. Dying will be a good thing in my case. I'm leaving this world for a much better one, where I will see my King face to face. My funeral should bea party, not a tearfest.

Also, a friend of mine and I have agreed that whoever outlives the other will use this line: "What you see is only a shell. The nut has gone home."

Some sort of roller disco.

One week laying in state, with the population of the capital and any who come legally compelled to wear black robes outdoors (provided by the government).

Followed by two weeks of general holiday with the treasury used to furnish alcohol to anyone in the capital who asks.

A trust to be established that will give significant financial reward to any child born 9 months after the two week period and *named after me.*

Then, as per my will, an amnesty for all political prisoners and conflicting instructions for government purges.

my funeral will be attended only by close friiends, family, and an army of hookers paid to mourn. my body will not have been preserved at all. after the funeral, i will be loaded onto a plane, and flown to kenya. there, i will be chopped into pieces and fed to hyenas out of the back of a speeding jeep. driven by my 7th grade math teacher, for no particular reason.

I don't want any funeral. My body is to be cremated as soon as possible, without any kind of ceremony, and then all my close friends and relatives (and family, if I'll ever have such a thing) will get their share of the ashes to do as they wish with.