NationStates Jolt Archive


Death has a sense of humour this week

Patra Caesar
05-04-2005, 14:20
This is not a Pope/Terri thread

What a surreal week the Grim Reaper must have had this week! Our story starts with a man who was declared dead by his credit card, goes on to another supposed dead person who it turns out lacks the one thing needed to become dead, death. You could mourn them at the internet cemetary, or adopt a baby seal. No, you can't borrow a club...

Source (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,12760367-13762,00.html)

Credit company tells man 'you're dead'
April 05, 2005

LANCE Brooks wants it known that he is not dead, despite what his credit card company thinks.

"I don't want anybody to be disappointed by that news," he said last night.

Mr Brooks, 59, first realised that he was overstaying his welcome on Earth when a debt-collection company, National Credit Risk Management, called and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of his estate.

The woman on the phone was shocked when he said: "Me."

The firm had received a certificate from American Express saying Mr Brooks was dead and his credit card was being closed.

The former education worker then received a letter saying he was dead, expressing condolences to his family.

"I told National Credit Risk Management that I was surprised at my death as I felt very much alive," he said. "The caller was a little put out.

"Apparently, I had used my credit card 10 days after dying.

"I was told the card had been used in such wild places as Nightcliff and Mataranka.

"I telephoned American to explain my position and asked for the reinstatement of my credit card.

"They said this was impossible as I was dead.

"I was referred back to National Credit Risk Management.

"A company official became agitated and told me she had taken my name from their records.

"I got the feeling that I was being punished for still being alive and for faking my death.

"Three hours later, I received a phone call from American Express.

"A plain-talking male voice apologised for the mistake and assured me that a new card would be issued within a week."

The confusion had been caused by a man with the same name dying in Adelaide.

Mr Brooks, of Ludmilla, Darwin, said the farce was a cruel irony.

He was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 1999.

"So I should be dead but I'm not," he said.

"For a brief moment, I thought that maybe I had 'crossed over' and was sitting on my bed taking phone calls in some sort of ethereal state of being."


Source (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,12758415-13762,00.html)

Man's wife comes back from the dead
From correspondents in Beijing
April 05, 2005

A MAN jailed for his wife's murder has been freed after she turned up alive with another husband.

She Xianglin's wife, Zhang Zaiyu, disappeared in 1994.

When a woman's body was found in a reservoir, he was detained on suspicion of killing her.

She, 39, was coerced into admitting her murder then sentenced to 15 years in jail.

His wife resurfaced in late March, having run away and remarried. Poor choice of words since the woman that was actually killed was drowned...

Source (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,12760701-13762,00.html)

China opens internet cemeteries
From correspondents in Beijing
April 05, 2005

A GROWING number of Chinese are using the internet to visit their ancestors' graves during traditional occasions such as the Tomb Sweeping Festival.
In a startling combination of old and new, China now has 100,000 online cemeteries and memorials, offering a place of worship for people who are too busy to leave their offices, the Xinhua news agency reported.

These religious websites allow Internet users to dedicate songs, present virtual wine and flowers, and burn candles and incense to mourn the dead during the Tomb Sweeping Festival, it said.

"Maybe the online world is closer to Heaven than the real one," said a university student surnamed Yang as he posted an online article commemorating his late grandmother.

As the Tomb Sweeping Festival has drawn closer, the number of hits at popular online memorials and cemeteries have climbed to one million a day, Xinhua reported.

Chinese web surfers can also use the facilities to pay homage to important historical figures such as former Premier Zhou Enlai or Sun Yat-sen, the founding father of modern China, it said.

The authorities actively encourage online ceremonies as virtual burning of incense does not pose the same challenge to the environment as in the real world.

Source (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,12760704-13762,00.html)

Finally, your chance to own a seal
From correspondents in Moscow
April 05, 2005

AN aquarium in Russia's far north is looking for a human foster family for a seal cub rejected by its parents because it was born grey rather than white.

Russian daily Vremia Novostei has reported applicants would need a bathtub, salt water for the cub to splash around in and 100g of fish per day, for the moment, said the Murmansk aquarium.

It also explained the adoption would be temporary as the grey seal's parents would accept it once fully grown, when grey seal cubs ordinarily turn grey from their cub colour of white.
Manethren86
05-04-2005, 14:48
The death articles were funny but the seal article didn't seem to have any relevance. If you have a reply for me , telegram my nation because I can never seem to find the same threads again.
The Return of DO
06-04-2005, 11:01
He does indeed have a sense of humour, he made Charles and Camilla wait until Saturday to get married......
Fass
06-04-2005, 11:44
You're lacking an "I can't be bothered to read more than one/X of them" option.
Kellarly
06-04-2005, 11:48
He does indeed have a sense of humour, he made Charles and Camilla wait until Saturday to get married......

*Shudders*
Keruvalia
06-04-2005, 11:51
Originally Posted by Daily Telegraph

She Xianglin

That's like one of those crazy "Who's On First" names.

She ...

I can already think of thousands of confusing and hilarious jokes.
The Return of DO
06-04-2005, 12:09
*Shudders*

What are you talking about? She's sexy......
Fass
06-04-2005, 12:10
What are you talking about? She's sexy......

Bestialicious.
The Return of DO
06-04-2005, 12:13
Oh, come on, horses are sort of close to humans......
Patra Caesar
06-04-2005, 12:57
Source (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,12772339-2,00.html)

After the Pope and Terri Death has more fun:


Prince Rainier dies, age 81
April 06, 2005

PRINCE Rainier of Monaco has died, age 81, after weeks in intensive care fighting heart, lung and kidney problems, the royal palace said.

The Prince passed away at 6:35 am (1435 AEST), a palace official said.

Rainier – who ruled the Mediterranean principality since 1949 and was the world's second longest-reigning monarch after the King of Thailand – was hospitalised on March 7 with heart and breathing difficulties.

His condition took a sudden turn for the worse nearly two weeks ago.

On Thursday, the Principality's royal council decreed the ailing monarch was no longer in a position to "exercise his duties", and said Albert – Rainier's only son by the US film star Grace Kelly – was taking over as regent.

English-speaking, Monaco-based Riviera Radio interrupted normal broadcasting to air sombre music and broadcast tributes to the leader of the Principality.

He will be known as a "builder prince" and for leaving his legacy of five decades of stability."

Rainier's life reads almost like a soap opera, due in part to his 1956 wedding to Kelly.

She died in a car crash in 1982 but the celebrity status she imported and the changes wrought on this portion of French Riviera coastline have made the statelet synonymous with easygoing wealth.

Succeeding his grandfather Prince Louis II in November 1949, Rainier ascended to power three years before Queen Elizabeth took the British throne.

His marriage to Kelly bore him three children – Prince Albert, his son and heir, and princesses Caroline and Stephanie. Prince Albert took over as regent on March 31.

Throughout his life, Rainier craved respect for the mini-state.

In 1962, he overhauled the constitution and began an ambitious construction project, raising a plethora of multi-storey buildings and reclaiming land from the sea to expand Monaco's territory by 20 per cent.

He has worked hard to promote the environment, notably on maritime issues.

Born on May 31, 1923, the son of Prince Pierre de Polignac (who had adopted the name Grimaldi on marrying into the family) and Princess Charlotte of Monaco, Rainier was educated in Britain, Switzerland and France, studying literature at Montpellier and politics in Paris.

If his marriage to Kelly put Monaco on the map figuratively, his actions over the next five decades went a long way to making the Principality a more substantial player in the world.

The constitutional changes in 1962 shared power between the prince and an elected 18-member national council and abolished the principle of the divine right of the ruler.

Skyscrapers sprouted to house the burgeoning banking and business sector.

The Fontvieille district was created on land formerly covered by the waters of the Mediterranean and earmarked for office and residential development.

In 1997, the 700th anniversary of the Grimaldi dynasty, Rainier said: "The Prince must be able to act like a company chief when necessary, but must not allow his role as company chief to diminish his prerogatives as a prince."

He has maintained friendly relations with France despite an occasional fuss over the alleged use of Monaco's financial sector for the transfer of funds deriving from criminal activities.

In 1993, the UN adopted Monaco as its 183rd member.
Harlesburg
06-04-2005, 13:32
You mean i dont always! :eek: (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v630/harlesburg/CHLOERA-AKA-Harlesburg.jpg)
Aeruillin
06-04-2005, 13:41
Source (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,12772339-2,00.html)

After the Pope and Terri Death has more fun:

That news article actually sounds like something straight from a NationStates RP thread or NSwiki. I'm reminded of the Principality of Seeland :D
Aren't mini-nations cute?
Suklaa
06-04-2005, 13:44
It always seems to amaze me how stupid companies can be when presented with the facts. You have this guy who is calling asking for HIS card to be reinstated and they tell him, "That's impossible, you're dead." Oh, where, oh, where has common sense gone?
The Lagonia States
06-04-2005, 16:45
AN aquarium in Russia's far north is looking for a human foster family for a seal cub rejected by its parents because it was born grey rather than white.

I'm wondering why the ACLU hasn't sued the seals yet.
Anikian
07-04-2005, 06:06
First one, definately :)
Evil Arch Conservative
07-04-2005, 06:58
I kid you not. When I first read the fourth article I thought it said 'gay', not 'grey'.
Patra Caesar
07-04-2005, 07:51
I kid you not. When I first read the fourth article I thought it said 'gay', not 'grey'.

LMAO Choke down on some blubber, eh? :p Talk about your freudian sluts... :p