NationStates Jolt Archive

I don't want to bring back bad memories and I am sure there have already been a thread like this. I was wondering what goes through your mind right before you try this. At what point in your life do reach a point where you have no answers and you are entirely burried? I geuss what I am really trying to figure out is why? Especially if you such a happy-go-lucky and always joking character. (Im still a little upset so pardon my spelling.)









Rest In Peace Brent. We will all miss you very much and we all care about you very deeply, even if we cant see or speak to you. Good Bye Friend.

Somebody you know actually do "it"? If so... Well... I really can't say anything to help.

Somebody you know actually do "it"? If so... Well... I really can't say anything to help.
Yes, indeed one of my friends.

so no one has answers for me? I understand I geuss.

I was wondering what goes through your mind right before you try this.
For me?
Peace. The peace of knowing that I was in control, and that everything was reaching its end.
Of course that peace tends to be disturbed when you wake up later.


I don't think I can really give useful answers to your other questions.

For me?
Peace. The peace of knowing that I was in control, and that everything was reaching its end.
Of course that peace tends to be disturbed when you wake up later.


I don't think I can really give useful answers to your other questions.
That does help. Anything does at this point.

Yes, indeed one of my friends.

Well, all I can say is that you're still alive... I'm indeed very sorry about your friend doing such a thing.

Im at the point where im wondering if im trying to kill myself...
I hardly sleep or eat anymore...

Well, all I can say is that you're still alive... I'm indeed very sorry about your friend doing such a thing.
Thank you and it just worries me, beyond the point of reasoning.

A twisted mantra: "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'd be better off dead."

I would literally repeat this in my head for weeks straight. I seriously believed it, even when I talked to people. I think it turned out more like garden-variety, teenage attention-getting, but that's what a lot of suicide attempts are.

I'm sorry your friend actually succeeded. :(

Im at the point where im wondering if im trying to kill myself...
I hardly sleep or eat anymore...
Well don't. It affects everyone around you, we are all one gaint network and doing such a thing affects the entire network somehow.

Thank you and it just worries me, beyond the point of reasoning.

I'd tell you to just try and forget, but it's extremely difficult and selfish to do such a thing. There's really not much you can do other than live your life as you would have if he hadn't done this.

A twisted mantra: "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'd be better off dead."

I would literally repeat this in my head for weeks straight. I seriously believed it, even when I talked to people. I think it turned out more like garden-variety, teenage attention-getting, but that's what a lot of suicide attempts are.

I'm sorry your friend actually succeeded. :(
Yes and yes, well with a rifle aimed at your head you generaly succeed.

Sometimes people give no warning signs. Ive seen people who were depressed, moody, spoke of suicide, so I was sure to be extra aware of their emotions. Then again, I had a friend who appeared to be happy, always in a great mood, had no unusual out of character behaviors and then one night, walked into the room where we were watching movies and said "You know....I cant take it anymore"....and pulled a gun from behind their back, came and sat beside me on the sofa, stuck the gun in their mouth and pulled the trigger. I was silent and still for about 60 seconds. Probably in disbelief. There was never any mention of stress, nothing. And we were together all the time. Since that day, I have this 6th sense about people in my life. I can tell when somethings up even if they act as they always do. Its a bit scary.

But if anyone is out there thinking of killing themselves......dont. Theres no taking it back. Its permanant. And if you have someone close to you that you think might be in trouble, dont think bringing it up is a mistake. You could possibly save their life.

I was wondering what goes through your mind right before you try this

Nothing.

Rest In Peace Brent. We will all miss you very much and we all care about you very deeply, even if we cant see or speak to you. Good Bye Friend.

My heart goes out to you. Sorry about the lose (also to everyone the guy knew).

For silence. A final quiet of the insideous wisperings of my insecurities and the flashes of petty acts of violence and disgusting sex.

Safe to say i've not commited suicide, but i'm pretty much asexual now. I cant deal with my own mind, whenever i get depressed my minds always there with me just to let me know its all my fault.

It takes more courage to pull the trigger than to keep living.

Very sorry about your friend. I had a friend (not that good of friends, but it still hurt) that pulled the trigger. It hurts, man.

I want to thank you all for helping even a little. It just seems so out of character and I wish I wasnt so busy that day. Then when Brent wanted to speak to me I could have.

I dont know how, if you have had a friend that has commited suicide, you do it to yourself knowing the effects.

My heart goes out to you. Sorry about the lose (also to everyone the guy knew).
Thank you very much.

Sometimes people give no warning signs. Ive seen people who were depressed, moody, spoke of suicide, so I was sure to be extra aware of their emotions. Then again, I had a friend who appeared to be happy, always in a great mood, had no unusual out of character behaviors and then one night, walked into the room where we were watching movies and said "You know....I cant take it anymore"....and pulled a gun from behind their back, came and sat beside me on the sofa, stuck the gun in their mouth and pulled the trigger. I was silent and still for about 60 seconds. Probably in disbelief. There was never any mention of stress, nothing. And we were together all the time. Since that day, I have this 6th sense about people in my life. I can tell when somethings up even if they act as they always do. Its a bit scary.

But if anyone is out there thinking of killing themselves......dont. Theres no taking it back. Its permanant. And if you have someone close to you that you think might be in trouble, dont think bringing it up is a mistake. You could possibly save their life.
ohmygod peechland, just reading that brought tears to my eyes. i cant imagine the pain that must have caused you and how long it would take to come to grips with it.

all i can say is that when a person is in that state they dont know how much they are hurting others. they can only feel their own pain. they dont know how it will devastate you for years to come. if they could know the effect it would have on you, they would never do it.

he was your friend, he didnt know.

ohmygod peechland, just reading that brought tears to my eyes. i cant imagine the pain that must have caused you and how long it would take to come to grips with it.

all i can say is that when a person is in that state they dont know how much they are hurting others. they can only feel their own pain. they dont know how it will devastate you for years to come. if they could know the effect it would have on you, they would never do it.

he was your friend, he didnt know.


Thank you Ash.....it was like a movie flashing through my head for a long time. I could smell the gunpowder for about a year everytime I thought about it.

Someone on this thread said they felt it takes more courage to pull the trigger than to continue living. I dont know if I agree with that. If someone is living such a personal hell inside, to the point it makes them want to stop living, then it seems to me, that it would take more courage to live on and fight the battle. Living through years of pain and not knowing why or how to stop it, takes an enormous amount of courage. I think those who chose to live are the more courageous ones.

ohmygod peechland, just reading that brought tears to my eyes. i cant imagine the pain that must have caused you and how long it would take to come to grips with it.

all i can say is that when a person is in that state they dont know how much they are hurting others. they can only feel their own pain. they dont know how it will devastate you for years to come. if they could know the effect it would have on you, they would never do it.

he was your friend, he didnt know.
Thank you I think that one may have been the most comforting.

Thank you Ash.....it was like a movie flashing through my head for a long time. I could smell the gunpowder for about a year everytime I thought about it.

Someone on this thread said they felt it takes more courage to pull the trigger than to continue living. I dont know if I agree with that. If someone is living such a personal hell inside, to the point it makes them want to stop living, then it seems to me, that it would take more courage to live on and fight the battle. Living through years of pain and not knowing why or how to stop it, takes an enormous amount of courage. I think those who chose to live are the more courageous ones.
I am deeply sorry for you peechland. I am neutral on this issue. For when you have done the things that I have done you begin to wonder.

I am deeply sorry for you peechland. I am neutral on this issue. For when you have done the things that I have done you begin to wonder.
you need to at least give it a try. not to live on forever in pain, but to reach out to those who can help you make living a pleasure again. it is hard. but it can be done. it is at least worth making the effort so you dont do to others what has been done to you.

I am deeply sorry for you peechland. I am neutral on this issue. For when you have done the things that I have done you begin to wonder.


Thank you sweetheart, but I feel sorry for my friend. They must have felt something so unimaginably painful,that my mind cant comprehend.

I am still here and get to experience another day, another sunset, another laugh with someone I love. They can never have those things again. No matter what youve done, its not made right by ending your exisitence. Stick around.....please.......there are many days ahead....some could be quite beautiful. TG me if you ever need to talk.

you need to at least give it a try. not to live on forever in pain, but to reach out to those who can help you make living a pleasure again. it is hard. but it can be done. it is at least worth making the effort so you dont do to others what has been done to you.Yes I agree and would never do this to my family intentionaly.

Thank you sweetheart, but I feel sorry for my friend. They must have felt something so unimaginably painful,that my mind cant comprehend.

I am still here and get to experience another day, another sunset, another laugh with someone I love. They can never have those things again. No matter what youve done, its not made right by ending your exisitence. Stick around.....please.......there are many days ahead....some could be quite beautiful. TG me if you ever need to talk.
Hay you dont need to worry about me, I have to get out of my system. The only problem I have with myself is that I grieve for a friend commiting suicide, when I have actualy killed someone. It bothers your soul a little.

For me it was the promise that all my suffering would finaly end. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I only attempted suicide once, but I was very serious about it. I wasn't looking for attention, which is how I've heard suicide atempts described now and then. People who say thaat are just talking out of their a88holes, and have clearly never had any experience with depression.

I came to within seconds away from sucess. If my father hadn't dropped by unexpectedly, I would have died.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disoprder not long after my suicide attempt, but I have been living with it since I was 9, always having no idea why I couldn't lift my depression or stop going manic, and doing so many foolish things.

For almost 19 years, I suffered, thinking everyone else was just like me, except they were somehow able to deal with it, and I wasn't. It took a very long time for me to get to the point of wanting to kill myself. I finally made the decision because I thought there was no other way out of my own personal hell.

Its impossible to function normaly with bipolar disorder. I was written off as being lazy, reckless and irresponsible and not good for anything or anyone. I came to belive that.

If you thought no one cared if you lived or died, that no one would miss you, that you were worthless and not strong enough to deal with the challenges of life, you'd want to kill yourself too.

You have te realize that its impossible to just stop being depressed or manic when you have bipolar or depression. I couldn't do anything else to change me or the world, so I figured I might as well leave this world behind.

Just because someone is depressed it doesn't mean they have tyo be always sad, moody and glum. People will put on a false smile and pretend to be happy go lucky because they don't want anyone to know they're having problems. It doesn't help that in our culture, its not okay to be sad, or let you sadness show. If you do, people tell you to stop being so negative. So you put on a mask and never let your true feelings show.

If a person is Bipolar, it's even harder to read them, as their mania often exhibits itself as positive, friendly behaviour. At the begining of a manic phase the behaviour is within the bounds of common sense, but as it progresses, think begin to unravel, and the person exhibits a much more reckless and foolish tendency. Things begin to unravel, the behaviour becomes more and more bizarre and you get into more and more trouble for your insane actions.

Everything that goes up, must come down. When a manic phase ends, theres often a very swift plunge back to depression. Whitout diagnosis and treatment, life becomes increasingly more difficult to deal with.

Given all these facts, can you really blame someone for not wanting to live anymore?

Unsuccessfuly attempting suicide was actually one of the best things I've ever done. As result of it, I was put in the psych ward for 2 weeks, where I finaly got diagnoed and being treated for my illness. It hasn't been walk in the park since then, but the treatment is working and my life has become much more pleasant and stable. I haven't had any significant manic or depresseive episodes. When I look back on what I attempted to do, I feel just as horrifed by my sucide attempt as everyone else in my life was.

I actually like the idea of living so much that I even look forward to lving long enough to become an old geezer.

I hope people find all this helpful. I have one last thing to say:

IF YOU ARED DEPRESSED ENOUGH TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE SUICIDE, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. GET SOME HELP. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK.


peace n' respect
LengLeng of The Downmarching Void.

Hay you dont need to worry about me, I have to get out of my system. The only problem I have with myself is that I grieve for a friend commiting suicide, when I have actualy killed someone. It bothers your soul a little.


How tragic. My thoughts are with you. As I said-feel free to tg if you ever need to.

suicide is brought on by sorrow, i was angry at myself for being myself all i can say is sorry man. i couldnt pull the trigger. so im really sorry about your friend

Thank you downmarching void. your input helped me come to grips with this situation. Although I am still a upset and feel I have the right to be.

suicide is brought on by sorrow, i was angry at myself for being myself all i can say is sorry man. i couldnt pull the trigger. so im really sorry about your friend
Your condolences helped me greatly and I thank you for that.

How tragic. My thoughts are with you. As I said-feel free to tg if you ever need to.
Hay why TG if you can IM. You officialy been added to my list.

Hay why TG if you can IM. You officialy been added to my list.

even better!

I want to thank you all and now I must go to bed and tomorrow deal with more mourning and a funeral on Wednesday.