NationStates Jolt Archive

The next Pope needs to be a uniter, not a divider. He needs to represent diversity and the complex gamut of humanity. The next Pope should definately be Black or Hispanic and should take a name that truly leaves no group behind. I suggest Pope Muhamed W. Goldstein I. Now wouldn't that send a message of tolerance and goodwill?

I think the next Pope should also be a Vegan. Jesus was supposed to be our last sacrifice, you know? He should also be an N.R.A. member. Got to reach out to those Hestonites! After all, he did play Moses! Perhaps the next Pope should be just a smidge Gay. Not full blown: "Tra La La, does my ass look fat in these jeans?" Gay, but just enough to know what it's like to walk lightly a mile in another man's loafers.

I also believe the next Pope should submit to periodic steroid testing. I know that JP2 was the "Greatest Pope Ever!" but there will always be lingering doubts that he was juiced-up because he was never tested. Let's make sure that the next Pope doesn't end up with an asterisk next to his record.

Well... I think that just about covers my criteria for the next Pope, does anybody else have some constructive suggestions?

I think the next Pope should be a Muslim. As-salaamu laikum, and a happy new year.

Next pope should be an atheist and should use the wealth and political power of the vatican to destroy all religion worldwide.

I think the next Pope should be a Muslim. As-salaamu laikum, and a happy new year.
Walaikum As-Salam and I agree :D

Yea, lets just throw out the little nasty thing about teaching the church's doctrine and promoting peace, lets just get a Pope so liberal, he makes John Kerry look like Dick Cheney. I hope the next Pope will be EXACTLY LIKE Pope John Paul the II. Pope John Paul the II did a GREAT job as Pope. As for a gay Pope, yea keep dreaming. Us Catholic would put a woman on the Pope's throne before we put a homosexual on there.

I think the next Pope should be a Muslim. As-salaamu laikum, and a happy new year.
Great. Just trade one form of religious extremism (no condoms, no birth control whatsoever) for another (oppression of women and gays, death penalty for apostacy)

Yea, lets just throw out the little nasty thing about teaching the church's doctrine and promoting peace, lets just get a Pope so liberal, he makes John Kerry look like Dick Cheney. I hope the next Pope will be EXACTLY LIKE Pope John Paul the II. Pope John Paul the II did a GREAT job as Pope. As for a gay Pope, yea keep dreaming. Us Catholic would put a woman on the Pope's throne before we put a homosexual on there.

Remember what the Vatican says:

Always follow a fat pope with a skinny one.

Also, It's "we" Catholics.

Great. Just trade one form of religious extremism (no condoms, no birth control whatsoever) for another (oppression of women and gays, death penalty for apostacy)

What?

Those are lies!

You are thinking of Saudi Arabian Islam, my friend. Not actual Islam.

What?

Those are lies!

You are thinking of Saudi Arabian Islam, my friend. Not actual Islam.
Then why do Pakistani muslims who convert to other religions often face beatings and death threats, some of which are carried out?

Pope on the Dope :) It will be very influential

Then why do Pakistani muslims who convert to other religions often face beatings and death threats, some of which are carried out?

Because Extremists do it.

In a truly Islamic society(I.E. one that is peaceful, has equal rights, and is very religious) thos people would not be killed. They would be shuned and treated as a disgrace, for sure, but no one would kill them.

Oh, and those Death Threats usually happen in rural areas. As does most form of religiously extreme activites.

Yea, lets just throw out the little nasty thing about teaching the church's doctrine and promoting peace, lets just get a Pope so liberal, he makes John Kerry look like Dick Cheney. I hope the next Pope will be EXACTLY LIKE Pope John Paul the II. Pope John Paul the II did a GREAT job as Pope. As for a gay Pope, yea keep dreaming. Us Catholic would put a woman on the Pope's throne before we put a homosexual on there.
Methinks you let your anger get to your head and missed the fact that this thread is humour.

Yea, lets just throw out the little nasty thing about teaching the church's doctrine and promoting peace, lets just get a Pope so liberal, he makes John Kerry look like Dick Cheney. I hope the next Pope will be EXACTLY LIKE Pope John Paul the II. Pope John Paul the II did a GREAT job as Pope. As for a gay Pope, yea keep dreaming. Us Catholic would put a woman on the Pope's throne before we put a homosexual on there.

http://www.the-gateway.net/fun/flamebait.jpg

Methinks you let your anger get to your head and missed the fact that this thread is humour.

Very, very sick humor. :mad:

Very, very sick humor. :mad:
Well, some people have a differing sense of humour than yourself.

Very, very sick humor. :mad:

Pearls before swine.... oh well.

I don't understand how people who are not Catholic, do not understand the church teachings, the church history, nor the traditions and the way things are run in the church. Think that they have authority on what the next Pope should be like. A liberal Pope will be the death of the Roman Catholic Church. A liberal Pope would makes reforms that are WAY too radical for the Churchs. Honestly, I think people who say they want a liberal Pope because they want the church to be more "popular". Well I'm sorry, I don't think we should elect a Pope that would make the church more "Popular". I say we should elect a Pope that would stay true to Jesus teaching, and the ways of the Church. Also, to me, titles shouldn't matter. Catholic priest and Catholic nuns basically do the same job. They help out in the community, spread the word of Jesus, and consult fellow Catholics. I reject that the church supress women. We have many women saints and Mother Theresa is one of the most celebrated person within the church. She is also slated to become a saint. Like I said before, We need a Pope that will pick up where Pope John Paul the II left off.

I don't understand how people who are not Catholic, do not understand the church teachings, the church history, nor the traditions and the way things are run in the church. Think that they have authority on what the next Pope should be like. A liberal Pope will be the death of the Roman Catholic Church. A liberal Pope would makes reforms that are WAY too radical for the Churchs. Honestly, I think people who say they want a liberal Pope because they want the church to be more "popular". Well I'm sorry, I don't think we should elect a Pope that would make the church more "Popular". I say we should elect a Pope that would stay true to Jesus teaching, and the ways of the Church. Also, to me, titles shouldn't matter. Catholic priest and Catholic nuns basically do the same job. They help out in the community, spread the word of Jesus, and consult fellow Catholics. I reject that the church supress women. We have many women saints and Mother Theresa is one of the most celebrated person within the church. She is also slated to become a saint. Like I said before, We need a Pope that will pick up where Pope John Paul the II left off.

I don't understand how people who are not funny, do not understand the comedic teachings, the comedic history, nor the traditions and the way things are run in the joke. Think that they have authority on what the next joke should be like.

I don't understand how people who are not funny, do not understand the comedic teachings, the comedic history, nor the traditions and the way things are run in the joke. Think that they have authority on what the next joke should be like.

Well it was a piss poor joke.

The next pope should have all the charisma and goodness of Joh Paul II but none of the lousy anti-condom anti-science stuff.

Well it was a piss poor joke.

It's a fair cop. Don't be mad! Jesus wouldn't.

I don't understand how people who are not funny, do not understand the comedic teachings, the comedic history, nor the traditions and the way things are run in the joke. Think that they have authority on what the next joke should be like.


Good taste aside, it was a rather pathetic attempt at humor. More likely a deliberate attempt to anger people who admired and respected the Pope and what he stood for.

My paper had a column on possible new popes. All five of them were described as hardline anti-gay, anti-condom, social conservatives, like John Paul II.

One of them (from Brazil) was quoted as blaming America for its liberal views on abortion and homosexuality. Blame America for everything... :p

The column also said the chance of an American pope was about 0%, even though the US is second to Italy on the number of voting cardinals we have. Meh.

Honestly, I don't think the Catholic Church will ever get out of the middle ages. At least not the Vatican.

Honestly, I don't think the Catholic Church will ever get out of the middle ages. At least not the Vatican.As long as you never cross the subject of sex, most Catholics could pass for Liberal. Or, at least, for the dictionary definition of it.

When you do get into sex, though, the most advanced things they'll accept are occasionally giving the idea of and not-disagreeing with women purposefully infecting themselves with STDs and then sleeping with troublesome political leaders. Don't know if that's happened since the Borgia Popes, but it's the only acceptance of sex for fun/profit I've ever heard out of them.

Good taste aside, it was a rather pathetic attempt at humor. More likely a deliberate attempt to anger people who admired and respected the Pope and what he stood for.

To Everyone here in the Forum,

I am deeply sorry for this thread.

And to all the people who thought I was serious when I said the next Pope should be a little Gay and regulary tested for steroids, I apologize sincerely. It was meant to be a joke. I see now that the joke was both pathetic and piss-poor.

With Profound Regrets,

Gartref

My paper had a column on possible new popes. All five of them were described as hardline anti-gay, anti-condom, social conservatives, like John Paul II.

One of them (from Brazil) was quoted as blaming America for its liberal views on abortion and homosexuality. Blame America for everything... :p

The column also said the chance of an American pope was about 0%, even though the US is second to Italy on the number of voting cardinals we have. Meh.

Honestly, I don't think the Catholic Church will ever get out of the middle ages. At least not the Vatican.

Just curiosity. Who else is Cardinal Hummes supposed to blame for Americas liberal (from the Catholic church's doctrinal point of view) ideas on abortion and homosexuality. Canada?

The next pope should have all the charisma and goodness of Joh Paul II but none of the lousy anti-condom anti-science stuff.

Lest we forget, the Catholic church has concluded that the Bible's teachings, if applied to birth control, consider it a mortal sin. Should the pope let a little thing like the Bible stand in the way of liberalization of the church?

I don't know if the pope was, or if the next should be, anti-science, but it seems as though if the church were to pull a John Kerry and flip-flop on issues that it has had a firm stance on in the past then it'd be defeating the purpose of the church: to worship God in the way that God wishes and to spread the gospel so that people know how to live thier lives in the way that God wishes. Regardless of whether or not you think that it is the way that God wants to be worshiped or if there even is a god you have to admit that it would destroy the credibility of the Catholic religion.

This isn't a matter of the church 'being in the middle ages'. It's a matter of teachings. If the church suddenly disregards a teaching or radically reinterprets a teaching then, when you know that a teaching can only have one true meaning, something has been abandoned. That's not the way to get to heaven. You can be making excuses when you had the Bible sitting right in front of you your entire life.

Just curiosity. Who else is Cardinal Hummes supposed to blame for Americas liberal (from the Catholic church's doctrinal point of view) ideas on abortion and homosexuality. Canada?

I think he used the wrong word. The Cardinal wasn't placing the responsibility for Americans having liberal views on Americans. That would be redundent. He was criticizing our liberal views. That would have been the better word to use.

Lest we forget, the Catholic church has concluded that the Bible's teachings, if applied to birth control, consider it a mortal sin. Should the pope let a little thing like the Bible stand in the way of liberalization of the church?

I don't know if the pope was, or if the next should be, anti-science, but it seems as though if the church were to pull a John Kerry and flip-flop on issues that it has had a firm stance on in the past then it'd be defeating the purpose of the church: to worship God in the way that God wishes and to spread the gospel so that people know how to live thier lives in the way that God wishes. Regardless of whether or not you think that it is the way that God wants to be worshiped or if there even is a god you have to admit that it would destroy the credibility of the Catholic religion.

This isn't a matter of the church 'being in the middle ages'. It's a matter of teachings. If the church suddenly disregards a teaching or radically reinterprets a teaching then, when you know that a teaching can only have one true meaning, something has been abandoned. That's not the way to get to heaven. You can be making excuses when you had the Bible sitting right in front of you your entire life.


AMEN!

Lest we forget, the Catholic church has concluded that the Bible's teachings, if applied to birth control, consider it a mortal sin. Should the pope let a little thing like the Bible stand in the way of liberalization of the church?

I don't know if the pope was, or if the next should be, anti-science, but it seems as though if the church were to pull a John Kerry and flip-flop on issues that it has had a firm stance on in the past then it'd be defeating the purpose of the church: to worship God in the way that God wishes and to spread the gospel so that people know how to live thier lives in the way that God wishes. Regardless of whether or not you think that it is the way that God wants to be worshiped or if there even is a god you have to admit that it would destroy the credibility of the Catholic religion.

This isn't a matter of the church 'being in the middle ages'. It's a matter of teachings. If the church suddenly disregards a teaching or radically reinterprets a teaching then, when you know that a teaching can only have one true meaning, something has been abandoned. That's not the way to get to heaven. You can be making excuses when you had the Bible sitting right in front of you your entire life.

Well, since you guys have hijacked my humor thread... let me ask you a question.. I'm just curious...

When the Church pulled a John Kerry and "flip-flopped" on it's postion on the heliocentric solar system, did it:

defeat the purpose of the church

destroy the credibility of the Catholic religion

By changing their mind did the:

church suddenly disregards a teaching or radically reinterprets a teaching then, when you know that a teaching can only have one true meaning, something has been abandoned. That's not the way to get to heaven.

The Catholic Church has been continuously tweaking it's stand on a great many issues throughout it's entire history. Who are you to say this is wrong!