NationStates Jolt Archive

Purely anecdotal...no statistics or proof...just your own experience. Who tends to cheat more in relationships? Men or women?

Children, of either sex.

I said men because frankly, most of my one night stands (as a single woman, thank you very much) were with guys who had girlfriends. Neither myself, nor any female friends I have ever cheated in a relationship, but all of us have been cheated on. (with chicks like single me:)) Again, purely anecdotal.

Children, of either sex.
Brat. I mean sexually. In relationships that are supposedly monogamous.

Semantical buzzard!

Men. All my male friends cheat like there is no tomorrow.

Men. All my male friends cheat like there is no tomorrow.
They've got a point...there may not be...

I've seen cheating in both groups. Perhaps men, but I'm not sure. Personally I think it's too close to call.

I said men because frankly, most of my one night stands (as a single woman, thank you very much) were with guys who had girlfriends. Neither myself, nor any female friends I have ever cheated in a relationship, but all of us have been cheated on. (with chicks like single me:)) Again, purely anecdotal.

Ermm.... sample bias?

Maybe you just like the one-nighter with married guys. (Or maybe you tended to have one-nighters with married guys because you knew they were far less likely to want a "relationship.")

In any event, everything I have seen and heard tends to indicate women are just as likely to be "unfaithful" as men - indeed Cosmo is always trumpeting the fact - however, women seem to be far more secretive about it.

BTW, how do you score it if both of them are married to someone else? Does that count twice, or does it cancel out?

Brat. I mean sexually. In relationships that are supposedly monogamous.

Semantical buzzard!

Sorry. I really did not think of the infidelity meaning.

In this case, men. It is sort of genetically wired into men to stray from monogamy. It is not a justification, just a historical fact.

Cheating, as a term though implies a breaking of a rule. Why is the rule of fidelity still so strong when we have effective contraceptives? (AIDS is a reason, but there was a period of at least twenty years when we had contraceptives and no AIDS).

Ermm.... sample bias? Of course it is, which is why I said it was purely anecdotal.

Maybe you just like the one-nighter with married guys. (Or maybe you tended to have one-nighters with married guys because you knew they were far less likely to want a "relationship.")
Not married...dating someone. And most of them weren't necessarily up front about that before the fun...so no, I didn't actively seek them out.

In any event, everything I have seen and heard tends to indicate women are just as likely to be "unfaithful" as men - indeed Cosmo is always trumpeting the fact - however, women seem to be far more secretive about it.
So what are the qualitative differences between how women cheat and how men cheat? Are men more likely to have one-night stand infidelities? Are women more likely to carry on more long term relationships or visa versa? And who gets a worse rap...the man who cheats or the woman who cheats?

BTW, how do you score it if both of them are married to someone else? Does that count twice, or does it cancel out?Cancels out:) Fair game!

In my personal life, I have been cheated on/had male friends cheated on by girls far more than the other way around.

Sorry. I really did not think of the infidelity meaning.

In this case, men. It is sort of genetically wired into men to stray from monogamy. It is not a justification, just a historical fact.

Cheating, as a term though implies a breaking of a rule. Why is the rule of fidelity still so strong when we have effective contraceptives? (AIDS is a reason, but there was a period of at least twenty years when we had contraceptives and no AIDS).
I think the rule of fidelity is so strong because we supposedly value it so much in our culture, believing a monogamous relationship to be the ideal. Frankly, I think it would be much less harmful and stressful if we had open polygamy/polyandry...if it was okay for both men and women to stray once in a while but still have a core relationship. Unfortunately, in societies where polygamy (rarely polyandry) is allowed, women are not given equal opportunity to have relationships outside of the core one.

INeither myself, nor any female friends I have ever cheated in a relationship, but all of us have been cheated on. (with chicks like single me:)) Again, purely anecdotal.
All of your friends have been cheated on? Really? Sounds like you're really trying to make the men look bad here.

All of your friends have been cheated on? Really? Sounds like you're really trying to make the men look bad here.
Quit seeing a feminazi conspiracy behind every door...

Yes, ALL of my female friends have been cheated on at one point in their lives. Doesn't mean they stayed with the jerk after, though. It also doesn't mean my friends represent the entire female population or that their ex-boyfriends represent the entire male population.

All of your friends have been cheated on? Really? Sounds like you're really trying to make the men look bad here.
Why's it so surprising? Everyone get's cheated on.

Quit seeing a feminazi conspiracy behind every door...

Crap, you've seen right through me. :rolleyes:

And I don't ever use that word anyway.

Also...it's not as though I haven't wanted to cheat a time or two...or three. What kept me from it was remembering how it felt to be cheated on, but also the fact that cheating would only have been a physical thing, and wouldn't have fulfilled the emotional hole that was making me WANT to cheat. I don't think (again, my opinion) that guys are out there looking for the filler for their emotional holes...just trying to be the filler themselves:). Need exciting sex? Work it out with your partner...you'd be amazed what he or she might be willing to do if they only knew you liked it...

So what are the qualitative differences between how women cheat and how men cheat? Are men more likely to have one-night stand infidelities? Are women more likely to carry on more long term relationships or visa versa?


As I understand it, women are more likely to have long term affairs, and men are more likely to go out and try and "pick-up" for casual sex. Of course, this is all third hand information relayed to me from Cosmo via a friend. And I can't honestly say I was following her explaination all that closely.

Quite likely, this is some shit that Cosmo just made up/I misheard. On a personal level, I have known both men and woman who have had affairs. But as I am massively self-absorbed, I never paid much attention to the whys and wherefores. But I would imagine at the end of the day, people pretty much behave the same way in this respect, regardless of sex. (i.e. some married women have one night stands - I know this for a fact - and some men have long term affairs, and vice versa)

And who gets a worse rap...the man who cheats or the woman who cheats?

Personally, I don't give a fuck, as that would require my cold black heart to have some kind of human feeling/empathy.

Societally, obviously the woman gets the worst rap. Slut. ;)

Crap, you've seen right through me. :rolleyes:

And I don't ever use that word anyway.
Don't you roll your eyes at me, mister!

I never said you did. I guess I forgot the tabs there.

Quite likely, this is some shit that Cosmo just made up/I misheard.

Personally, I don't give a fuck, as that would require my cold black heart to have some kind of human feeling/empathy.

Societally, obviously the woman gets the worst rap. Slut. ;)
Cosmo. The funniest magazine ever! How many times can they say orgasm in one issue and not have it be a hot mag? Seriously! Soft porn crap. :D

Purely anecdotal...no statistics or proof...just your own experience. Who tends to cheat more in relationships? Men or women?
women cheat more, but men get caught more.

Porn for chicks should be more like this: http://www.sweetactionmag.com/

I can't really vote, because I find it far too subjective. In my experience, men are more likely to cheat when it comes to one night stands... so sexually they are much worse in my opinion. But It seems to me that when women cheat, its on a much deeper level - they get involved in relationships moreso than men seem to, and so it is emotional as well as sexual cheating. I think women are less likely to cheat though, so it really becomes a question of relativity.

As far as myself, I only cheated once, and it was out of spite (I found out my girlfriend was seeing someone else). I felt so badly about it after that I confessed almost immediately, both as far as my indiscretions and to the fact that I knew of hers. Obviously it was the end of our relationship, but the honesty at least saved our friendship - I kept in touch with her for a few years until we moved apart, and we slowly grew away from each other. At least it wasn't on bad terms though, and I'm sure if I ever travel back to Alberta I'll stop and see her again. No one gains anything by screwing around in a relationship, thats why its called cheating.

women cheat more, but men get caught more.
Tell me more...about the ways women can cheat and not get caught :D

I can't really vote, because I find it far too subjective.
The thread and poll are entirely subjective, so vote based on YOUR experience.

I can't really vote, because I find it far too subjective. In my experience, men are more likely to cheat when it comes to one night stands... so sexually they are much worse in my opinion. But It seems to me that when women cheat, its on a much deeper level - they get involved in relationships moreso than men seem to, and so it is emotional as well as sexual cheating. I think women are less likely to cheat though, so it really becomes a question of relativity.

Frankly, I'd be more upset by someone having a serious relationship behind my back than a one night stand. I'd find that to be much more threatening.

The thread and poll are entirely subjective, so vote based on YOUR experience.
Didn't you read my post though? I'm stuck on the fence here.

Didn't you read my post though? I'm stuck on the fence here.
I know, I just have a bad habit of trying to shove fence sitters off and seeing which way they fall...I'm terrible, I know :p

Porn for chicks should be more like this: http://www.sweetactionmag.com/

I clicked that link. Now I feel dirty. :mad:

I think the rule of fidelity is so strong because we supposedly value it so much in our culture, believing a monogamous relationship to be the ideal. Frankly, I think it would be much less harmful and stressful if we had open polygamy/polyandry...if it was okay for both men and women to stray once in a while but still have a core relationship. Unfortunately, in societies where polygamy (rarely polyandry) is allowed, women are not given equal opportunity to have relationships outside of the core one.

I think that it *is* ok for men and women to *stray* if they so choose (I personally wouldn't want to), but only if *both* members of the core relationship agree that it is ok and all people who are "strayed" with are also aware of it.

Frankly, I'd be more upset by someone having a serious relationship behind my back than a one night stand. I'd find that to be much more threatening.
I agree on that point, I think that when women cheat its usually worse... but at the same time I find men more likely to cheat on a sexual level... I don't know how to weigh that out in order to cast a valid vote.

I know, I just have a bad habit of trying to shove fence sitters off and seeing which way they fall...I'm terrible, I know :p
Nah, you're just Sinuhue, and I wouldn't have you any other way. :)

I think that it *is* ok for men and women to *stray* if they so choose (I personally wouldn't want to), but only if *both* members of the core relationship agree that it is ok and all people who are "strayed" with are also aware of it.
Yes...but that rarely happens. It's usually secretive and not agreed upon. :(

Yes...but that rarely happens. It's usually secretive and not agreed upon. :(

...which is exactly why it is wrong.

Women. They like to spread themselves around like butter on toast. And they'll always convince themselves it's ok because all they have to do is put on that puppy-dog face and they'll get pity from some guy.

Some other guy.

Maybe if all these womyn would shut up der rebellious body organs then we men wouldnt have all these problems. Silly chicks, we men need to spread our seed, you women need to make our manly sandwhiches..

Maybe if all these womyn would shut up der rebellious body organs then we men wouldnt have all these problems. Silly chicks, we men need to spread our seed, you women need to make our manly sandwhiches..


*smacks the crap out of Jay*

Don't you roll your eyes at me, mister!

I never said you did. I guess I forgot the tabs there.
I'll roll what I want at you. :)

Where the hell is Female, Canada, anyway? ;)

Porn for chicks should be more like this: http://www.sweetactionmag.com/
Is posting links to porn sites not against the NS rules? And upon glancing at the home page, it doesn't look very pornographic/sleazy to me.

Tell me more...about the ways women can cheat and not get caught :D
it iz prolly ivnolving telep0rtashon wich waz inv3nted by teh feminzazis to contwol teh world....

[/conspiracy theorist]

I want a manly sandwich now....

Maybe if all these womyn would shut up der rebellious body organs then we men wouldnt have all these problems. Silly chicks, we men need to spread our seed, you women need to make our manly sandwhiches..
lol, that's hilarious!

Frankly, I'd be more upset by someone having a serious relationship behind my back than a one night stand. I'd find that to be much more threatening.
Yeah, same here.

There is a religion (Judaism i believe, not 100% sure) where the children take on the mothers surname, not the fathers. This seems very sensible since only maternity could be proven until recent times.

I want a manly sandwich now....
the kind of manly sandwiches i enjoy have very little to do with food.

the kind of manly sandwiches i enjoy have very little to do with food.

I wouldn't mind one of those sandwiches with you, seksay.

There is a religion (Judaism i believe, not 100% sure) where the children take on the mothers surname, not the fathers. This seems very sensible since only maternity could be proven until recent times.

I don't know about the surname thing, but there have been many societies which followed lineage through the mother, rather than the father. Egyptian societies were led by males, but lineage was traced through females (which led to plenty of pharoahs trying to have heirs through their sisters (ew!).

I wouldn't mind one of those sandwiches with you, seksay.
perhaps some kind of man-sandwich buffet is in order?

Know 3 so far ... all female :) and one my gf of the past :rolleyes: (though I dont blame her she has extenuating circumstanses)

perhaps some kind of man-sandwich buffet is in order?

I'm game.

Seriously, though, in my experience, women cheat more, but that's only because in my experience, only women have cheated on me. I'm sure a pretty even 50/50 split.

There is a religion (Judaism i believe, not 100% sure) where the children take on the mothers surname, not the fathers. This seems very sensible since only maternity could be proven until recent times.
Relevancy to the thread? I'm disappointed that you aren't coming in accusing all men of being adulterous, violent sex pigs.

Relevancy to the thread? I'm disappointed that you aren't coming in accusing all men of being adulterous, violent sex pigs.
well, it's sort of relevant...i mean, if a woman cheats and gets pregnant she still is 100% sure that she's the mommy, but a man cannot be certain about the paternity of his offspring unless he employs one of our new modern technologies. in that respect, it is far more sensible to trace lineage through the female because of the occurance of infidelity, which ties into the subject.

wow, that was kind of like playing "6 degrees of Kevin Bacon." i win!

*smacks the crap out of Jay*

LOl ahahah!

Well, in the ten specific examples that first came to mind regarding people I know and cheating...

...7 were women cheating on men, 3 were men cheating on women...

...but realistically, I'm sure the actual numbers are much more even than that.

I would agree that having a relationship behind a partner's back is about 20 times worse than some sort of one night stand, speaking from personal experience anyways... :mad:

...but whether that sort of long-term cheating is comitted more by men or women I can only speculate.

Probably men but women are better at getting away with it

In my own experience... girls cheated more. It may be that my only boyfriend cheated on me while my girlfriends stayed true to me, but...

Friends of mine cheated on their boyfriends, while the guys I know never cheated. *shrugs*

I'd say about 50% of men cheat at least once during their life and roughly about 50% of women cheat at least once during their life.

I don't know a single person who has not been cheated.

In my own experience, women (e.g. me.... I did it twice to one boyfriend but he was a shitty boyfriend in my defence... I'd never do it to my current boyfriend). However, I think for the most part men do. They want sex. Women want relationships. Generalising, I know but it's mostly true.

I said men because frankly, most of my one night stands (as a single woman, thank you very much) were with guys who had girlfriends. Neither myself, nor any female friends I have ever cheated in a relationship, but all of us have been cheated on. (with chicks like single me:)) Again, purely anecdotal.

What you don't consider being single and being the 'other woman' as cheating? Bollox. You're a cheater. You don't need to be in a relationship to be cheating, you merely have to be engaged in the act that causes the 'cheat' to happen, whether you’re single and the guy has a girlfriend or if you’ve got a boyfriend and the guy is single. So unless somehow you've managed to never know the guy you're about to fuck had a girlfriend you're guilty of cheating.

What you don't consider being single and being the 'other woman' as cheating? Bollox. You're a cheater. You don't need to be in a relationship to be cheating, you merely have to be engaged in the act that causes the 'cheat' to happen, whether you’re single and the guy has a girlfriend or if you’ve got a boyfriend and the guy is single. So unless somehow you've managed to never know the guy you're about to fuck had a girlfriend you're guilty of cheating.

...if you read her later posts, you find that she *didn't* know until after the fact.

What you don't consider being single and being the 'other woman' as cheating? Bollox. You're a cheater. You don't need to be in a relationship to be cheating, you merely have to be engaged in the act that causes the 'cheat' to happen, whether you’re single and the guy has a girlfriend or if you’ve got a boyfriend and the guy is single. So unless somehow you've managed to never know the guy you're about to fuck had a girlfriend you're guilty of cheating.
I disagree. It's morally wrong but unless you know the third person, you're not cheating anyone. If you know the third person you'd be cheating her/him (as a friend, not in sexual way). The one who's in relationship is the only true cheater.

And you make it sound like these people usually know that the other person is in a relationship. They don't. Well, I didn't.

...if you read her later posts, you find that she *didn't* know until after the fact.

I did read her posts. You apparently didn't read them well enough to note that she made the nice distinction that most weren't forthcoming. That would tend to imply that some were forthcoming.

I disagree. It's morally wrong but unless you know the third person, you're not cheating anyone. If you know the third person you'd be cheating her/him (as a friend, not in sexual way). The one who's in relationship is the only true cheater.

It takes both to make it happen. If the single person knows, they're engaging in cheating. Period. Doesn't matter if they know the person or not.

And you make it sound like these people usually know that the other person is in a relationship. They don't. Well, I didn't.

I directed it solely at Sinuhue, not 'these people', She it seems has known on occasion.

It takes both to make it happen. If the single person knows, they're engaging in cheating. Period. Doesn't matter if they know the person or not.
So we disagree about this. Don't have any other arguments, just my opinion.


I directed it solely at Sinuhue, not 'these people', She it seems has known on occasion.
I read it again and noticed it, my apologies.

I did read her posts. You apparently didn't read them well enough to note that she made the nice distinction that most weren't forthcoming. That would tend to imply that some were forthcoming.

Ok, did I also miss a post where she said "I've never cheated"?

I've know about a few men and woman cheating. However the men I know about just kissed and the woman had sex

That's a pretty big difference.

There is a religion (Judaism i believe, not 100% sure) where the children take on the mothers surname, not the fathers. This seems very sensible since only maternity could be proven until recent times.
My people (Cree Natives) were matrilineal in this way too until the Canadian government forced us to take the 'father's' name. Silly way to do things.

I'd say it's close to 50/50.

What you don't consider being single and being the 'other woman' as cheating? Bollox. You're a cheater. You don't need to be in a relationship to be cheating, you merely have to be engaged in the act that causes the 'cheat' to happen, whether you’re single and the guy has a girlfriend or if you’ve got a boyfriend and the guy is single. So unless somehow you've managed to never know the guy you're about to fuck had a girlfriend you're guilty of cheating.
I disagree. And I only knew beforehand twice...finding out about the others after the fact. I don't think the girls who my husband cheated on me with were to blame...he was. You can't cheat if you aren't in a relationship.

In order to be 'cheating' you need to be in a relationship where sex (or other foolery) with someone else would be against the mutally agreed upon rules of the relationship. If you are a single person, fooling around with someone who is single, married, dating or whatever, YOU are not cheating. THEY are.

In order to be 'cheating' you need to be in a relationship where sex (or other foolery) with someone else would be against the mutally agreed upon rules of the relationship. If you are a single person, fooling around with someone who is single, married, dating or whatever, YOU are not cheating. THEY are.

Everyone is responsible for their own actions. If someone has sex with someone they know to be in what is supposed to be a monogomous relationship, they are just as much at fault as the person cheating. You may not actually call it "cheating", but are certainly just as much at fault.

If I buy goods from someone which I know to actually be stolen from my friend down the street, am I not doing something wrong?

Everyone is responsible for their own actions. If someone has sex with someone they know to be in what is supposed to be a monogomous relationship, they are just as much at fault as the person cheating. You may not actually call it "cheating", but are certainly just as much at fault.

If I buy goods from someone which I know to actually be stolen from my friend down the street, am I not doing something wrong?
I suppose...you make a compelling argument...but I still put the onus on the person actually IN the relationship to not stray if those are the rules. It's still not cheating on the part of the single person, just as buying stolen goods is not stealing. It's...something else...

If I buy goods from someone which I know to actually be stolen from my friend down the street, am I not doing something wrong?

You'd be doing something wrong, yes, but it wouldn't be called "stealing".

You'd be doing something wrong, yes, but it wouldn't be called "stealing".

If you knew it was stolen, you would be brought up on charges equivalent to theft... I don't remember the exact term though.