NationStates Jolt Archive

Whether your relationship is romantic, platonic, fraternal or otherwise, what issues do you have that you are not able to deal with head on with the other person in your relationship?

Example: I am really terrible about talking about money with my husband. I'm almost insanely secretive about what happens in my bank account, and I am loathe to ask for money unless the power is about to be turned off. He in turn, thinks this is ridiculous and constantly asks me about money, to which I invariably reply, "Uh, I have enough", even when I don't.


Another example: My dad is an alcoholic. Everyone in my family knows it, but we all pretend it's not true. If I bring it up, it is only at the cusp of a serious hysterical freak out, and does nothing to improve the situation. Therefore, I avoid this issue like the plague!

What things do you avoid talking about, and why?

Oh, yeah, another one: RELIGION.

Why?

Look at this forum right now. Sheesh.

Oh, yeah, another one: RELIGION.

Why?

Look at this forum right now. Sheesh.

Hmm, I usually avoid that one too. Mainly since a lot of my friends are fairly devouts Christians of different types.

It would be easier for me to avoid if I dont tell you :)

Terri Schiavo - I think we need to leave the family alone to deal with their own problems instead of turning it into an international incident. I agree its tragic but we are only making it worse

Hmm, I usually avoid that one too. Mainly since a lot of my friends are fairly devouts Christians of different types.
I can't talk about religion with my husband. It drives me snake! I'm an atheist. No belief in a higher power. He is a religion-hating agnostic. A cultural Catholic, who has been baptized, but knows less about Catholicism than even I do. He is also terribly aggressive in terms of ridiculing religious beliefs. I on the other hand, tend to avoid it, because I figure people can believe what they want as long as it doesn't harm me in some way. He wears his name-saint on a chain, but hates (hated) the Pope. Doesn't eat meat during Semana Santa, but couldn't tell you the difference between a Catholic and Protestant. Drives me INSANE!!!

Within my immediate family I try to not comment too strongly on anything religious or political, it just causes debates which we can't really compromise on, because we each have pretty strong stances on different parts.

For instance, my mother says openly that she doesn't beleive in god, yet refuses to eat meat on good friday as some sort of a social traddition thing.

That doesn't mean I can't talk about them, it just makes day to day living alot easier most of the time.

Terri Schiavo - I think we need to leave the family alone to deal with their own problems instead of turning it into an international incident. I agree its tragic but we are only making it worse
That whole case made me mad for that reason. It's none of our damn business.

That whole case made me mad for that reason. It's none of our damn business.

The case itself isn't, but its implications are because they have the possibility to affect all of us. Sorry, don't mean to hijack, I'll leave it at that :p

In NS, I don't get into any serious discussion about religion, politics or philosophy. I much prefer my discussions face to face because I need to read the body language as well as the arguments.

That aside, in RL, anything goes.

but couldn't tell you the difference between a Catholic and Protestant. Drives me INSANE!!!

Yes, but you have just described 90% of christians there, so no harm no fould on that one.

Personally, I don't think there is any subject I avoid per se. I might not want to talk about something at any given instant, but that's just because I am bored with it. Nothing is really taboo.

Within my immediate family I try to not comment too strongly on anything religious or political, it just causes debates which we can't really compromise on, because we each have pretty strong stances on different parts.

For instance, my mother says openly that she doesn't beleive in god, yet refuses to eat meat on good friday as some sort of a social traddition thing.

That doesn't mean I can't talk about them, it just makes day to day living alot easier most of the time.
I just don't get that cultural religion thing. My in-laws are terrible for it. They do these weird things because Catholics are supposed to, but they don't really know why, and they aren't religious, so why bother? Ah well, whatever, that's how they are.

I started talking politics at home again with my folks, after liberally (hahaha) exposing them to radical politics via magazine subscriptions and such. It got them thinking, and my dad in particular, who was left, but supported a right-wing party because they were populist and SEEMED left, has really come around. He doesn't listen to me, but if someone else says it to him, he can think about it and make a decision. Men. Bah.

Oh, yeah, another one: RELIGION.

Why?

Look at this forum right now. Sheesh.

I had thought you meant in discussion at home or with your family. This implies that there are religious differences in your family?

There are, or should I say were in mine, that had some significant effects on my upbringing. A little thing like my Grandfather being from one of the orthodox catholic traditions, whereas my father was a protestant. It all ended up in court to obtain permission for my parents to marry, my grandfather disinherited my mother, and religion became a taboo subject. However my Grandfather died a long while back, my parents are not particularly religious and the subject is no longer taboo.

What is taboo here at home is discussing what the best way of writing an academic paper is. (Well in fact the best way of dealing with obligations.) Should it be done a soon as possible or should it be left to the last minute. Is it a matter of a slow accumulation of data references and citation and then filling with connecting material thus constructing an argument, or should the argument be made first and the citations etc be inserted later.

All very trivial really, but it is not possible to even mention it without triggering major hissy fits all around.

The case itself isn't, but its implications are because they have the possibility to affect all of us. Sorry, don't mean to hijack, I'll leave it at that :p
Granted. I just shudder to think if that was MY family...okay, I'll stop now too.

I would like to see Max Barry stop banning people he banned my friend after they had an argument don't get me wrong he sounds like a good guy(i'm reading his book)but i really think we should leave the banning to the administrators.i know this isnt a resolution but while we'er changing things why not this

Since you seem to be asking about in reference to relationships... well. I never discuss politics or religion or anything like that with anyone I'm seeing. It's rare, if not impossible for us to be in agreement and I'd rather not hear someone's political opinion if it'll make me want to have sex with her less. (And it usually does.)

are we talking about things we avoid discussing with our families and friends or are we talking things we avoid on NS?

In NS, I usually avoid any debates to do with American politics, which tend to get a bit too heated for my liking. Plus I'm not particularly well informed about it.

In RL, I don't debate much at all. Don't really know anybody who's interested in debating.

I had thought you meant in discussion at home or with your family. This implies that there are religious differences in your family?
In any relationship.

I have some pretty religious friends. My birth-home is a haven of atheism:) (with a little bit of native spirituality mixed in for fun)

Then again, my one Grandmother is Ukranian Orthodox, and my other is Catholic, but neither of them are very serious about it, so it never really came up.

There are, or should I say were in mine, that had some significant effects on my upbringing. A little thing like my Grandfather being from one of the orthodox catholic traditions, whereas my father was a protestant. It all ended up in court to obtain permission for my parents to marry, my grandfather disinherited my mother, and religion became a taboo subject. However my Grandfather died a long while back, my parents are not particularly religious and the subject is no longer taboo.

What is taboo here at home is discussing what the best way of writing an academic paper is. (Well in fact the best way of dealing with obligations.) Should it be done a soon as possible or should it be left to the last minute. Is it a matter of a slow accumulation of data references and citation and then filling with connecting material thus constructing an argument, or should the argument be made first and the citations etc be inserted later.

All very trivial really, but it is not possible to even mention it without triggering major hissy fits all around.
Yikes...it's always the 'small' things that seem to set off the biggest battles. Can you believe that there has been a major ideological divide in my family over which way you should hand the toilet paper role? That's right...and we argue about it constantly, change it to 'our way' in each other's houses, and threaten gruesome death for doing it 'wrong'. We also have long, involved 'reasons' for the way we hang it. Scary, no?

In NS, I usually avoid any debates to do with American politics, which tend to get a bit too heated for my liking. Plus I'm not particularly well informed about it.

In RL, I don't debate much at all. Don't really know anybody who's interested in debating.

When it comes to RL debate, I think everybody's up for it in a fashion, it just requires the right circumstances, which are rare.

Since you seem to be asking about in reference to relationships... well. I never discuss politics or religion or anything like that with anyone I'm seeing. It's rare, if not impossible for us to be in agreement and I'd rather not hear someone's political opinion if it'll make me want to have sex with her less. (And it usually does.)
Could you have a long term relationship with someone and NOT talk about politics or religion? My hubby and I don't get too involved in our discussions any more, because we tend to fight (he's a staunch commie, though he doesn't really know what that means, and he frickin' supported STALIN for a while there... :mad: ). However, we are fundamentally in agreement, and we HAVE discussed it.

I guess that politics in particular are such a part of my life, I can't imagine not dicussing it with those I am most intimite with.

are we talking about things we avoid discussing with our families and friends or are we talking things we avoid on NS?
Friends and families. It just got a little sidetracked.

On NS, I try to stay away from heated political issues, such as the last US elections in 2004 and religion.

In private life religions and certain relatives have become a taboo with my parents. With hubby I won't discuss money or driving, just because he's so damn patronizing about both and I'll attack back without exception.

Friends and families. It just got a little sidetracked.
oh ok

theres one very important thing i have never discussed with any member of my family

aside from that, there are many small things i try never to mention because i know it will spark off a family argument. like my brother failed a year in school and is repeating it, so in an argument i mentioned it...now i know never to do that again

oh ok

theres one very important thing i have never discussed with any member of my family


Do you ever plan on discussing that thing with your family? Or are you fine with things the way they are?

Could you have a long term relationship with someone and NOT talk about politics or religion? My hubby and I don't get too involved in our discussions any more, because we tend to fight (he's a staunch commie, though he doesn't really know what that means, and he frickin' supported STALIN for a while there... :mad: ). However, we are fundamentally in agreement, and we HAVE discussed it.

I guess that politics in particular are such a part of my life, I can't imagine not dicussing it with those I am most intimite with.

Oh well, I'm not really into long term relationships. Those tend to be difficult to maintain and ultimately unrewarding. Kind of like fictional armies in NS!

If I were into it I'd make sure that issues like politics or religion, we could either agree or agree to disagree. I would never try a long term relationship with someone with opposing views if one or both of us felt strongly about. Just doesn't seem like a good idea to me.

Do you ever plan on discussing that thing with your family? Or are you fine with things the way they are?
as soon as i can bring myself to do it

Then again, my one Grandmother is Ukranian Orthodox

Which just goes to show that it is the individual not the religion. This being the the same orthodox church as my grandfather.

Oh, and the way you hang the toilet roll is one of the most fundamental things in life. You should know that, everyone else does. ;)

Terri Schiavo
Religion
George Bush
Gay Marriage
Abortion

i have a hard time being criticized by my gf.

Its something i've taken a close look at and what I've realized kind of concerns me.

I don't beleive that its constructive criticism. I think that she does to kind of put me in my place because I have a tendancy to insist on doing things my way. I know that's bad enough but its something I'm trying to work on. What really concerns me about my view of my GF in this instance is that it makes me wonder
Do I not trust her?
This weekend things were really bad and it has for the first time in a long time really thrown things up in the air. blecch :(

i have a hard time being criticized by my gf.

Its something i've taken a close look at and what I've realized kind of concerns me.

I don't beleive that its constructive criticism. I think that she does to kind of put me in my place because I have a tendancy to insist on doing things my way. I know that's bad enough but its something I'm trying to work on. What really concerns me about my view of my GF in this instance is that it makes me wonder
Do I not trust her?
This weekend things were really bad and it has for the first time in a long time really thrown things up in the air. blecch :(

Trust yourself. That said, all relationships end, and it's not always a bad thing.

Oh, and the way you hang the toilet roll is one of the most fundamental things in life. You should know that, everyone else does. ;)
Apparently so. It's going to take a fundamental shift in my priorities to get it 'right' I guess. I hang it 'wrong' according to the family...with the tail end against the wall instead of closest to you. I'm evil that way.