NationStates Jolt Archive


Intergenerational relationships.

New Fuglies
03-04-2005, 13:42
I've recently found out from a friend someone has a bit of a crush on me. Actually it seems more of an obsession but anyhoo, the main problem is... I am 37 and my suitor is... 17. :eek: I am literally old enough to be this individual's parent!

When I found all this out I thought 'wow' and it isn't the first time someone much younger took interest in me. I'm pretty choosy when it comes to age, preferrrably closer to my own, but I'm open minded enough to know age isn't everything. In this case I regret the age spread is way too much and not only that we are in very different life stages. I can just imagine how a date might go where I feigned interest in the person's choices for high school subjects while I babbled on about my RRSP's or something.

I have kept my language gender-neutral as I wanted to dodge evident biases for intergenerational (not pedophilic!) relationships in comparing heterosexual relationships to homosexual. What I *am* interested in is people's thought's regarding such relationships. What I am *not* interested in is turning this into a fricking gay thread. :mad:
JuNii
03-04-2005, 13:53
I've recently found out from a friend someone has a bit of a crush on me. Actually it seems more of an obsession but anyhoo, the main problem is... I am 37 and my suitor is... 17. :eek: I am literally old enough to be this individual's parent!
{snip}
To me, age is not a factor. if you two are in love (and I say If) then go for it... I would however wait till he's 18, or whatever the age of consent is.

all over people of varying age groups are getting together. you will get stares... but if you're both honest with each other... then who's to say nay.
LazyHippies
03-04-2005, 13:56
I dont see any problem with it for the short term. But it would never work long term.
Preebles
03-04-2005, 13:57
To me, age is not a factor. if you two are in love (and I say If) then go for it... I would however wait till he's 18, or whatever the age of consent is.

all over people of varying age groups are getting together. you will get stares... but if you're both honest with each other... then who's to say nay.
I agree. Although how would you have things in common? I suppose if you do it's alll good!
Kusarii
03-04-2005, 13:59
I don't think age is that much of an issue in a relationship.

What IS an issue, and should always be a big issue is the maturity of the younger party when there is a large age gap. If you start a relationship with a younger person and start to invest in it, there is a good chance (if they are immature) that they'll lose interest after some time and just move on. I myself was guilty of this a few years ago as the younger party in a relationship with a, then, 32 year old woman. We're still friends, and I know that I really hurt her, but at the end of the day, you shouldn't really be in a relationship with someone that you don't love.
Eutrusca
03-04-2005, 14:02
I've recently found out from a friend someone has a bit of a crush on me. Actually it seems more of an obsession but anyhoo, the main problem is... I am 37 and my suitor is... 17. :eek: I am literally old enough to be this individual's parent!

When I found all this out I thought 'wow' and it isn't the first time someone much younger took interest in me. I'm pretty choosy when it comes to age, preferrrably closer to my own, but I'm open minded enough to know age isn't everything. In this case I regret the age spread is way too much and not only that we are in very different life stages. I can just imagine how a date might go where I feigned interest in the person's choices for high school subjects while I babbled on about my RRSP's or something.

I have kept my language gender-neutral as I wanted to dodge evident biases for intergenerational (not pedophilic!) relationships in comparing heterosexual relationships to homosexual. What I *am* interested in is people's thought's regarding such relationships. What I am *not* interested in is turning this into a fricking gay thread. :mad:
I have often thought people make entirely too much of "couples with an age difference." When I was 53 I dated a young woman who was 23. Despite the rather significant age difference, we had a great deal in common. I remember very clearly some of the looks we use to get. I'm sure some of it was motivated by simple curiosity, but I'm equally sure some of it indicated disapproval. None of it bothered either of us. As a matter of fact we took a certain rebellious pride in breaking out of the norm.
Murderous maniacs
03-04-2005, 14:10
look, a relationship is not about the differences between you two, it's about the similarities between you and how you make each other feel. in other words, whatever turns you on. it's probably not that simple but then hey, what does an eighteen year old engineering student know?
just stating what i personally think about things like this
Dogburg
03-04-2005, 14:22
Go for it. Don't let social taboos stand in the way of your love life.
Jello Biafra
03-04-2005, 14:28
I've recently found out from a friend someone has a bit of a crush on me. Actually it seems more of an obsession but anyhoo, the main problem is... I am 37 and my suitor is... 17. :eek: I am literally old enough to be this individual's parent!

When I found all this out I thought 'wow' and it isn't the first time someone much younger took interest in me. I'm pretty choosy when it comes to age, preferrrably closer to my own, but I'm open minded enough to know age isn't everything. In this case I regret the age spread is way too much and not only that we are in very different life stages. I can just imagine how a date might go where I feigned interest in the person's choices for high school subjects while I babbled on about my RRSP's or something.

I have kept my language gender-neutral as I wanted to dodge evident biases for intergenerational (not pedophilic!) relationships in comparing heterosexual relationships to homosexual. What I *am* interested in is people's thought's regarding such relationships. What I am *not* interested in is turning this into a fricking gay thread. :mad:
While I can see how a huge age gap could be a factor in rejecting a potential suito, I can't see it being a dealbreaker in and of itself. If 17 is legal where you live, and you're interested, you should would have a talk with your suitor. You should decide what type of relationship you want (short term, long term, purely sexual) and if you think your suitor is capable of having the type of relationship that you want. If so, I say go for it.
Chrana
03-04-2005, 14:30
I would also have said go for it, but (as it was hinted at already) 17 is not really a very stable age for a human being. Unless the person is very, very mature, I'd strongly advise against pursuing a relationship with him/her.
Fahrsburg
03-04-2005, 14:38
37 to 17 age difference does seem a bit much. I'm 39, my better half is in her early twenties (she can legally drink, barely.) What makes our relationship work is she is exceptionally mature for her age and we have a ton of shared interests.

Don't worry about the age after 18. Worry about maturity, wants, needs, interests, goals and the like. Depending on where you live, however, that age of 17 is a six-ten year jail sentance. My advice: tell the person you are flattered, but it can't be just yet. Specifically tell them you'd like to stay out of jail in order to let them down gently. Then hide from them after the 18th birthday. :)