NationStates Jolt Archive


Future Crap! Alternate History Through the Eyes of Me.

31
03-04-2005, 00:41
2015:

Fierce fighting continues to rage outside CNN's Atlanta office as elements of the 3rd and 27th Fox Mech. Inf. make another push to capture the headquarters. Comissar Fred Dunston, highest ranking CNN officer remained defiant, "These fascist dogs will never capture our broadcasting facilities! We will leaving them bleeding in the streets. Be sure to Catch Larry King Live tonight as he talks with Oprah about he latest book "Healthy Heart, Big Lungs."
Group Kaptain Frederick Manst, commander of the Fox 27th described this as a sweeping up operation and assured Fox viewers that the situation was well in hand.
Heiligkeit
03-04-2005, 00:42
Thank God it's well in hand. I am with CNN
31
03-04-2005, 01:01
In futher news, MSNBC guerilla elements struck again near FOX offices in Kansas city. Just after 3:15 pm a large EMP was detonated crashing the hardware of the FOX affiliated station.
"We will bring down the oppresors!" was the message left in a small, blue envelope next to the EMP.
FOX spokesman Ted Naptha, in a later broadcast beamed from Oklahoma offices stated, "Hey, these guys are evil, plain and simple. Our Fair and Balanced death squads will soon round up the offenders."
President Hillary Clinton read a message to the people of Kansas City in which she mumble about a vast rightwing conspiracy.
Kervoskia
03-04-2005, 01:03
So, MSNBC was a threat after all.
Armandian Cheese
03-04-2005, 01:06
NEWSFLASH!

Bill O'Reilly's "NO SPIN" Special Forces have assasinated Larry King, after the two engaged in a deadly verbal battle, with King's grunting and "creepy old man" demeanor finally defeated by O'Reilly's "Angry Man On Fire" style of attack.

MSNBC's Joe Scarborough has betrayed them, detonating his suicide bomber pack after screaming "Fox Ackbar!"
Gartref
03-04-2005, 01:09
Remember your comments, unbelievers. Think back to them on that cold December morning in 2031 - as the undead armies push northward out of Texas into Oklahoma and Kansas. At the head of this army, Shah Ala Ayyad (a.k.a. "The Great Worm of Allah") will wield radioactive death clouds and spread deadly disease spores along GWBush HWY(formerly interstate 35). As his horde of evil minions spread across Missouri(home of the Ashcroft Federal Detention and Re-Education Facility), millions of good Christian Americans will die in the Holocaust of Blood. Despite being extremely well-armed (by 2031 it is now illegal to not posess and carry assault rifles and grenades), the Army of Heston is defeated when The Great Worm turns all their ammo into fetal stem-cells. As the Christian Army dies, America's King George Bush III will also be defeated in the third battle of Bull Run - despite the bravery of the 3rd Haliburton Irregulars, who were forced to withdraw when their paychecks bounced. Damn that Federal debt!
Naquadria
03-04-2005, 01:09
I'm waiting until John Gibson comes in.
Heiligkeit
03-04-2005, 01:44
In futher news, MSNBC guerilla elements struck again near FOX offices in Kansas city. Just after 3:15 pm a large EMP was detonated crashing the hardware of the FOX affiliated station.
"We will bring down the oppresors!" was the message left in a small, blue envelope next to the EMP.
FOX spokesman Ted Naptha, in a later broadcast beamed from Oklahoma offices stated, "Hey, these guys are evil, plain and simple. Our Fair and Balanced death squads will soon round up the offenders."
President Hillary Clinton read a message to the people of Kansas City in which she mumble about a vast rightwing conspiracy.
Hilary Clinton is president? Ahhh
Super-power
03-04-2005, 01:53
Breaking news!
Reason Magazine declares war upon CNN and FOX. "It's time that we break free from the evil two-party spectrum which subjugates military conflicts, it's time for 3rd-parties to thrive!" declared Commander Nick Gillespie.

Subsequently, the 101st Ayn Rand Batallion made a successful attack on the left wing of CNN's main headquarters. Their success was in part to their staunch anti-gun control measures, which armed every soldier (and citizen) with enough firearms to overthrow any government.

Reason Magazine used to be the name of a libertarian news journal. But with its partial conversion to a guerilla group however, the 'Magazine' also refers to the compartment in some types of firearms, often a small detachable box, in which cartridges are held to be fed into the firing chamber.
Bolol
03-04-2005, 02:27
I'm in with CNN.
Keruvalia
03-04-2005, 02:44
Wait ... so you think Larry King will still be alive in 2015?! Now that's just nuts.
Armandian Cheese
03-04-2005, 02:46
This just in. With their defeat imminent, due to an assault by a Fox-Reason Magazine Alliance, and incessant guerilla warfare from MSNBC, CNN has decided to go nuclear.

"It was our only choice. The damned right wing jesus-loving gay bashing gun nuts had us by the throat!"
----Ted Koppel

Luckily for the Fox News-Reason Magazine Coalition, Bill O'Reilly's gigantic, bulbous head absorbed the nuclear warhead.
Trilateral Commission
03-04-2005, 02:48
Al Jazeera destroys CNN and Fox, inshallah