NationStates Jolt Archive

The mood around here seems to be sombre/moderately down, so I think we should brighten it up with some good funny movie quotes. Anybody got any?

I'll start, with some classics from, in my opinion, one of the funniest filsm in recent history, 'Kung Pow: Enter The Fist'


"Ok, so here were my options. (a), quickly duck left, dodge the claw and take him out with a spinning back kick, or (b), take the claw in the face, roll on the ground and die."

*gets hit in the face with claw*

"Hmm, should have gone with (a)."


"You have helped me reach the next level, and I thought you were just a sadistic psycho-bitch!"


"Killing is wrong. And bad. There should be a new, stronger word for killing. Like.. 'badwrong', or.. 'badong'. Yes, killing is 'badong'. From this moment on, I will stand for the opposite of killing:... 'Gno-dab'."


Wimp Lo's Father-"Please, I have a mortal wound!
Master Tang-"Where, Where does it hurt?"
Wimp Lo's Father-"Oh, pretty much around the big bloody spot"


Master Tang (on the verge of death) -"Come closer...Listen, and Listen well. I really like the band NSYNC. My favorite member is Harpo. If there isn't a Harpo, there should be. I will write their next hit...A boom boom chickie chickie boom boom...boom chickie..chakka chakka choo choo!"

"When someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes. "

"I'm falling!...You're falling!....We're falling!....a whale!"

<3 Kung Pow

"I'm falling!...You're falling!....We're falling!....a whale!"

<3 Kung Pow

Great film, isn't it?

It's only waifer thin.../

Another bucket for Monsieur...

*Mr. Creosote vomits again*

...and perhaps an hose.[/french accent]

[Shaun is channel hopping]
[Channel 4 News]
Krishnan Guru-Murthy: Though no one official is prepared to comment, religious groups are calling it Judgement Day. There's...
[VH1, playing "Panic" by The Smiths]
Morrissey: - Panic on the streets of London...
[ITV News]
Newsreader: - as an increasing number of reports of...
[Football]
Commentator: - serious attacks on...
[Five News]
Newsreader: - people, who are literally being...
[Nature documentary, leopards eating a gazelle]
Narrator: - eaten alive.
[Sky News]
Jeremy Thompson: Witnesses' reports at best are sketchy, but one unifying detail seems to be that the attackers in many instances appear to be...
[T4]
Vernon Kaye: - dead excited to have with us here a sensational chart topping...

Great film, isn't it?
Fantastic

:D

"Where they go!? What happened!?"
"I don't know sir, they must have Hyperjets on that thing."
"And what do we have? A quisinart!?"
"No Sir! Prepare ship for light speed!"
"No, no. Light speed too slow."
"Light speed to slow?"
"Yes, we must go straight to... ludacris speed!"
"Ludacris speed? Sir, we've never gone that fast before, I don't know if she can take it..."
"Whats the matter Colonial Sanderz, chicken?"
"Prepare ship... ahem... Prepare ship for Ludacris speed! Close all hatches, fasten all seatbelt, close all the shopes in the mall, cancel the three ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo..."
"Give me that you petty excuse for an officer! Ludacris speed..."
Sir, I suggest you buckle up.."
Oh, buckle this. Ludacris speed... GO!
What have I done! My brains are going into my feet!
We've past them! Stop this crazy thing!"
We can't stop, we have to slow down first..."
"Bullshit, I order you, Stop!!!!"
*Pulls Emergency Stop - Never Use*

Forget what happens from there... also if its not entirely correct, I did that all from memory, which shows how I have seen Spaceballs too many times...

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room; there is no fighting in the war room

Mein Fuehrer! I can walk!

"Dude, this is like a suasage fest"
"Yeah, this is like the international house of Suasage"

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"There are some who call me... Tim"

"[A line of prisoners files past a jailer.]
Jailer: Crucifixion?
Prisoner: Yes.
Jailer: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each. [Next prisoner.] Crucifixion?
Prisoner 2: Er, no, freedom actually.
Jailer: What?
Prisoner 2: Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Jailer: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
Prisoner 2: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
Jailer: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...
Prisoner 2: Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left."

"You know the Holocaust? Picture the exact opposite of that."

Deputy Police Chief:....my officers are getting covered in glass down here...
John McClane: Glass? Glass? Who gives a shit about glass?

Also:

Deputy Police Chief: Now listen buddy, you're making a real ass of yourself up there
John McClane: Hey, I'm not the one who just got butt-fcuked on national TV!

"Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But you can't have babies.
Stan: Don't you oppress me.
Reg: I'm not oppressing you, Stan -- you haven't got a womb. Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?
[Stan starts crying.]
Judith: Here! I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans', but that he can have the *right* to have babies.
Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister, sorry."

Brian: Are you the Judean People's front?
The dude I have forgotten the name of: Fuck off! Judean People's Front. We are the People's Front of Judea!

Lori: Doug. You wouldn't shoot me, would you sweetheart? Sweetheart, after all, we're married!
[Lori goes for her gun, Quaid shoots her]
Douglas Quaid: Consider that a divorce. "

- From Total Recall

Then couple of good ones from Apocalypse Now:

[while flying in a helicopter with Air Cavalry soldiers]
Chef: Why do all you guys sit on your helmets?
Soldier: So we don't get our balls blown off.

"Disneyland. Fuck, man, this is better than Disneyland."

The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!

*couple begins to make love and camera pans to clock, 5 minutes pass, camera pans down and room looks like tornado has hit it, both of them lay panting under a sheet on the floor. The woman rolls over and says,*

Woman "You're the greatest lover I've ever known."

Man "Thanks, I practice a lot when I'm alone."

"Shut your gob, you tit. Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert!!"

"I came here for an argument!"

"Oh... This is abuse!"