NationStates Jolt Archive

Taken from the "Young Ones" episode "BOMB". In this episode a stray US bomber drops a bomb in the students' flat. One member of the flat Mike tries to sell it but fails when he can't find Colonel Gaddafi in the telephone book. Another, Rick tries to hold the country hostage and free "the kids" , a bit 80's I know, and the hippy NEIL builds a shelter using a coffee table and cloth painted white. Vivyen, the Punk tries to blow it up. In the end it a minuture aeroplane hatches from the bomb (I bought the DVD last week). Anyway, the very real question, if you found a bomb in your flat, what would you do?

Sell it to the highest bidder.

*evil smile*

I'm sure the makers of snatch would be proud of you

being the gentle, hippie type (like Niel :) ) i think i'd make something out of lentils, scrape it off the walls and hide in my shelter. then go sit on 'the rickety chair'... man i love the Young Ones :p

nah i'd probably just shit myself and go tell the police (let them deal with it). would probably have to take a picture or two to prove it...they'd so never believe me otherwise :p

I though it was rick who always got, the rickety chair. I think I'm like rick, I caught myself wrting poetry yesterday...and Alan Bstard was played by Rik Mayall as well, aaahhhh!!!!

Although blatantly I'm not Alan bstard, but this is a poltics sim so.....

Blow up something important but isolated, blame it on "terrorists" and then get the world to unite behind me!

Bwahahahahhahhahah!!!!!!


Er. Hehe.

Wonder how it got there, and bring it back to my father's barn where all the equipment from my old hobbies seems to wind up.

It would make for an impressive suicide, and free cremation all at once

I did find a bomb once. We were cleaning up the back yard of a house the church owned and I rented. The old man who previously lived there was a pack rat and we had torn down a shed full of junk and covered with vines.

I heard the pastor say, “Where’s the detonator, where’s the detonator,” while swinging a small bomb the Air Force used for bombing practice. Being in the Air Force and recognizing it as a bomb, I carefully took it from the pastor and found the detonator was still in it. I very carefully set it on the ground, got everyone out of the yard, and called the police. It turned out to be a live smoke bomb.

Help Iraq rebuild itself by selling it to them!

Help Iraq rebuild itself by selling it to them!

MAKES SENSE TO ME

I think I'd make ita celebrity. You know, hang out with Paris, become rich, famous. That would be so cool, it could go on late night talk shows like Conan and stuff. Plus I could own all the biggest corporations. I mean Bill Gates ruthless but is he willing to gamble with a nuke? Plus, no Paparazzi, they aren't desperate enough to mess the a bomb are they? Then the bomb and I would go make a cheesy movie where its celebrity status would plummit and a few years later we would try and start a show aobut how a bomb tries to get acting gigs. We would call it Fat Bomb or something.

The only problem i see with this plan is when the bomb dies because when it dies so do half a million other people.....oh well, the funeral services will get a lot of business.

So somebody set up you the bomb!

MAKES SENSE TO ME
They wanted Nukes, so why not help 'em out?

They wanted Nukes, so why not help 'em out?

Then you can invade them with the money you made, take it back sell it again,invade them with the money you made, take it back sell it again,invade them with the money you made, take it back sell it again,invade them with the money you made, take it back sell it again,invade them with the money you made, take it back sell it again,invade them with the money you made, take it back sell it again,invade them with the money you made, take it back sell it again,invade them with the money you made, take it back sell it again and so on...

I would drop it on Baghdad, just to piss off the world.

I'd be all 'Whoa! When'd I get a flat?!' and then be all 'Whoa! Someone lost their nuke!' and then look for the triggering mechanism.

If it wasn't there, I'd turn it in and wave the ensuing publicity of being a 'good guy' (As nobody would care I couldn't do anything with it.).

It if was there, I'd take it to London and demand power be returned to the monarchy. Then I'd go to Washington, and do the same. Repeat for all nations.

I would put it on my coffee table as a conversation piece. Invite people over for BBQ's and such just so they would look at it and ask "hey, is that a Nuke"?
I would reply "yep."
when they ask why I have it I would respond: No reason, but I bet you wished you got me somethin better for my Birthday!

Look for the pieces of it. It its all intact I would load it into a truck, drive it downtown(I live in atlanta). Jack another car, Drive over to a bomb shelter a good 60 miles. Put on those special sunglasses that people wear when they are watching a nuclear blast, then detonate the bomb. I would watch the fireworks. Throw the detonator across the street. Then get the hell into the shelter before the fallout starts raining down and lock it.

Another note: I probably wouldnt be able to detonate the bomb becuase I dont have the permissive action links(PALs), without that its just a hunk of lead, uranium, and high explosive.

Look for the pieces of it. It its all intact I would load it into a truck, drive it downtown(I live in atlanta). Jack another car, Drive over to a bomb shelter a good 60 miles. Put on those special sunglasses that people wear when they are watching a nuclear blast, then detonate the bomb. I would watch the fireworks. Throw the detonator across the street. Then get the hell into the shelter before the fallout starts raining down and lock it.

Another note: I probably wouldnt be able to detonate the bomb becuase I dont have the permissive action links(PALs), without that its just a hunk of lead, uranium, and high explosive.


DAMNIT! dont ruin the make believe, we know about PALs we just wanna pretend. OKAY tell you what MR. Technical, lets say they were attached in a envelope on the bomb

i would cecede from the union, just my apartment, and become the worlds smallest nuclear power. just me, my apartment, and my nuke. and my cats. i might try to join the UN. or, just to be different, the EU. From chicago.

I'd cry. No matter what I do, anyone brown-skinned in America known to have a nuclear bomb in their house will automatically be labeled an Al Qaeda terrorist and shipped off to Guantanamo.

Depends. If it's inactive, I'd probably put it in a glass case in my room, or create some furniture from it. If it was live, I'd call the police to deal with it. If they couldn't get rid of it, I'd hire a plane and ride the bomb all the way down on to the whitehouse. For kicks. ;)

Anyway, the very real question, if you found a bomb in your flat, what would you do?
I'd call the police.

If the bomb were counting down to detonation... well....

Theoretically, a mass of nuclear material can be prevented from exploding if the material is scattered into separate pieces. Scatter the material, and it can't sustain a chain reaction. The problem with accomplishing this is that the material is likely encased in some very-difficult-to-break-open casing material and that the radiation might kill you before you got it open.

So, in short, I'd just leave the doors all open and attach notes saying "Dear Police, the nuke is inside. The doors are all open. I'm heading for the hills. This is your problem. Sincerely, Cogitation"

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

I would get together a council of evil scientists to figure out how to make it into a weapon of even more massive destruction, determine where geologically and meteorologically it would have the greatest impact and where it would cause the greatest political upheaval, then read some Tom Clancy books, cause he really knows how to do this stuff properly,

except I'm lazy, so I'd give it to the Canadian military. To boost morale.

I'd call the police.

If the bomb were counting down to detonation... well....

Theoretically, a mass of nuclear material can be prevented from exploding if the material is scattered into separate pieces. Scatter the material, and it can't sustain a chain reaction. The problem with accomplishing this is that the material is likely encased in some very-difficult-to-break-open casing material and that the radiation might kill you before you got it open.

So, in short, I'd just leave the doors all open and attach notes saying "Dear Police, the nuke is inside. The doors are all open. I'm heading for the hills. This is your problem. Sincerely, Cogitation"

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

would you really sign it cogitation?

I'd call the police.

If the bomb were counting down to detonation... well....

Theoretically, a mass of nuclear material can be prevented from exploding if the material is scattered into separate pieces. Scatter the material, and it can't sustain a chain reaction. The problem with accomplishing this is that the material is likely encased in some very-difficult-to-break-open casing material and that the radiation might kill you before you got it open.

So, in short, I'd just leave the doors all open and attach notes saying "Dear Police, the nuke is inside. The doors are all open. I'm heading for the hills. This is your problem. Sincerely, Cogitation"

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

I'd also leave a pitcher of lemonade. Disarming nukes is thirsty work. *nod*

except I'm lazy, so I'd give it to the Canadian military. To boost morale.

Nice thought, but why not give it to Iraq, or better yet, drop it on the White House?!

a nuclear bomb in my flat... oh... my reaction would be along this line...


OH SHIT!!! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
*Runs screaming from thread.*

What would I do if I found a nuclear bomb in my flat?




Nothing.

Destroy Switzerland. They'd never expect it.

Depends. If it's inactive, I'd probably put it in a glass case in my room, or create some furniture from it. If it was live, I'd call the police to deal with it. If they couldn't get rid of it, I'd hire a plane and ride the bomb all the way down on to the whitehouse. For kicks. ;)

YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAA!!!

YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAA!!!

YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAA!!!

YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAA!!!

YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAA!!!

I'd hire a plane and ride the bomb all the way down on to the whitehouse. For kicks. ;)

Ah. A scene out of "Dr. Strangeglove. Well almost as that was a B-52 over Russia. Yea, Slim Pickins.

Nice thought, but why not give it to Iraq, or better yet, drop it on the White House?!

Why not give it to Andorra or Monaco so they could become the smallest nuclear nation on earth? :D

Why not give it to Andorra or Monaco so they could become the smallest nuclear nation on earth?

No, give it to San Marino. No one could stop them then! Their population is smaller than Monaco's (28,000 to 32,000)!

hold the luxembourg bank to ransom for

£1,000,000
fnak nak nak, gwa ha ha, floo diddle iddle, gah bah cough

Why not give it to Andorra or Monaco so they could become the smallest nuclear nation on earth? :D
or i could keep it, renounce my citizenship and annex my dorm building. and become the smallest nuclear power on earth.

would you really sign it cogitation?
I'd probably sign it with my real name instead of "Cogitation".

I'd also leave a pitcher of lemonade. Disarming nukes is thirsty work. *nod*
A good idea except that I don't always keep lemonade around, and if the bomb is counting down, then I don't have time to go get lemonade. The police would be welcome to any drinks and ice in my refridgerator; it's not difficult to find.

...

By the way, for those thinking to become their own nuclear power: Remember that you need ground forces to hold territory. Nuclear power alone will not secure territory.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

or i could keep it, renounce my citizenship and annex my dorm building. and become the smallest nuclear power on earth.
I can go one better. I'll strap it to my dog and ive him a cord attached to the 'detonate' button. Voila! The first thermonuclear terrier :p

I'd hump it.

What, you don't find nuclear warheads faintly arousing?

And before anyone says anything, its the power , not the phallic shape.

I'd hump it.

What, you don't find nuclear warheads faintly arousing?

And before anyone says anything, its the power , not the phallic shape.
You'd hump it?

So, if it goes off, you die. And if it doesn't go off, you get an increased risk of some form of cancer (probably a genital one) and may die anyway. :confused:

Nuclear power alone will not secure territory.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

It will keep sane people out for a hell of a long time.

I'd hump it.

What, you don't find nuclear warheads faintly arousing?

And before anyone says anything, its the power , not the phallic shape.

I've actually sat on top of a nuclear bomb while fixing a B-52 back in the 1960's. It definitely was not an arousing or stimulating experience.

First of all, plutonium in a bomb is not only sealed, but produces alpha radiation which is harmless unless the source is literally inside you.

Secondly, it is much harder to detonate a nuclear bomb than it is to wreck the detonation mechanism. Warsaw pact bombs were detonated over their target using an altitude/timing trigger, while American designs detonated based on location. If it hasn't exploded, it ain't gonna.

Thirdly, if it did go off then it'd be the most earth shatteringly satisfactory way to go.

I think this has happened before, during the cold war. An American jet lost its bomb and it fell, undetonated into someone's backyard. I'm trying to find a link...

Oh! I loved that episode. Especially when Neil started panting himself ...

Having seen the episode, I'd do the only sensible thing, and wait for it to hatch.

My first reaction would probably be "What the f*** just hit my flat!?". Then, after I figured out it was a nuke, I'd run screaming for the nearest bomb shelter. :eek:

Seriously, after I figured out that I wasn't about to be vaporized, the government would be hearing from me about how much they should pay to keep part of the countryside from glowing green. :D

Another one? What about the one already there? When is this shit going to stop happening?

DAMNIT! dont ruin the make believe, we know about PALs we just wanna pretend. OKAY tell you what MR. Technical, lets say they were attached in a envelope on the bomb
What are PAL's?

What would I do if I found a nuclear bomb in my flat?
Hmmm.................build a nuclear capable walking battle tank to go along with it.

I'd sell it to Dennis Kucinich, for all the money he has.


If that fails, I'd sell it to a high school marching band.

I'd grab it go to France, go to the top of the Effiel Tower and and yell "FRANCE SUCKS!!!" right before detonating it.

Or I 'd take over Canada. "OMG!!! Canada sent their whole army!!!!!! 1 Tank!!! RUN!!!!"
Or I would destroy North Korea's nukes with it.

Note All of these require me and many others to die in the Coolest way possible. :D
One second I'm human, the next I'm radioactive dust.

Whip out the fondue set, and melt all the chocolate I could find. I'd then make a chocolate shell around the bomb. I saw that episode of MacGuyver!!

Let me ask you this - How would you *know* it was a nuclear bomb?

Do you expect it to have "ACME Nuke-o-matic" stamped on it?

You've been watching too many Daffy Duck cartoons....

Let me ask you this - How would you *know* it was a nuclear bomb?

Do you expect it to have "ACME Nuke-o-matic" stamped on it?

You've been watching too many Daffy Duck cartoons....

If the dog won't whizz on it... it might be a thermonuclear weapon.

If the plant next to it is turning black... it might be a thermonuclear weapon.

If you place a Swanson frozen dinner on it and it heats up... it might be a thermonuclear weapon.

If your watch stops when you walk near it... it might be a thermonuclear weapon.

If you start losing power in all your batteries and have no electric current... it might be a thermonuclear weapon.

If your cat suddenly goes bald... it might be a thermonuclear weapon.


(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy...)

Most likely, being my wimpy-ass self, I'd call the cops.

I'd take it apart, to see how to make one.

If the dog won't whizz on it... it might be a thermonuclear weapon.

If the plant next to it is turning black... it might be a thermonuclear weapon.

If you place a Swanson frozen dinner on it and it heats up... it might be a thermonuclear weapon.

If your watch stops when you walk near it... it might be a thermonuclear weapon.

If you start losing power in all your batteries and have no electric current... it might be a thermonuclear weapon.

If your cat suddenly goes bald... it might be a thermonuclear weapon.


(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy...)
Argh, I hate blue collar TV. it has like .5 good jokes per episode (1 good joke/2 episodes)

I would most likely move out. Swiftly.

I'd drop it on my ex-fiancé.

So if you ever hear I'm in posession of a nuclear bomb and live in virginia beach.

Leave :D

I'd throw it out of a window and drop heavy stuff on it.

Attach it to a raft and float it out to an oil rig in the north sea, the oil rig is abandoned. Canoe over to it claim it to be an independant island open up a lap-top, set up an oil generator, boom international tax-haven, sorry investment centre.....