NationStates Jolt Archive

This is something that I have been, sadly, considering.

I'm really getting sick of men. Well, not men as friends or men as people, men in relationships.

I think I want to either go without entirely or just casually date. I've never actually managed to do that. I'm jelous of those who can. I really don't know how people manage it. I usually start off wanting to date casually, enjoy the person's company and before I know it, I'm in a commited and inevitably long term relationship.

It's not like I want to sleep around or anything, I just want to not have to worry about stepping on someone's toes and maintaining long distance relationships (that seems to be what the end up being as well) Plus the first part of a relationship is really fun. It's all carefree and emotions aren't really at stake in a huge way yet.

*sigh*

I probably shouldn't be feeling like this, seeing as I'm currently in a relationship, should I?

Hmm join the club!

When it comes to long distance relationships, I can appreciate how difficult they can be. I've recently left a 5 1/2 year long distance relationship with much heartache.

From what you're saying however, it seems to me that what you're more worried about is commitment to a long term relationship as much as a long distance one. I realise that in certain ways, these might seem pretty unfulfilling as you don't actually get to see the person you're with. I think however that propper communication is much easier in long distance relationships as you're actually forced to communicate with each other much more than you perhaps would otherwise.

If it's the thrill of new relationships you want however, maybe you'd be better breaking off the relationship you're in - especially if your partner takes it seriously, and have experiences with other people. At the end of the day, if you carry on with your relationship as you have it, you must realise how much more damage you will do your partner if you change your mind about how you feel about him after things have cemented even more.

I hope that helps...

Sounds like you're just getting with the wrong people. You should never have to turn to celibacy...

I'm a 16 yr-old male and I'm surrounded by many of the most shallow of women. Who think I'm gay because I don't want to date them. Feh, take a number you ditzes!

Celibacy/abstinence affects the dynamic of the man-woman relationship drastically. You should consider the consequences - both good and bad - of such a philosophy. Myself, I'm waiting for love.

I would also note that NS isn't exactly filled with people who can counsel you on matters of love.

I don't get why people seem to think otherwise.

definitely sounds like you need to be single and celebate for a little while. if you're feeling that negative about relationships then it's best to take a break so that you can work through it without hurting anybody else's feelings.

I'm a 16 yr-old male and I'm surrounded by many of the most shallow of women. Who think I'm gay because I don't want to date them. Feh, take a number you ditzes!

im only 12 but man i can agree with you
but the only girl i like thinks im a show off and immiture but i am nether most people agree with me

well too bad sometimes life just sucks
:headbang:

hmm... it could be the commitment. I've never really felt ready for it. I just get pushed into it it seems. I seem to pick people who only want exclusive, long term relationships and I never want to hurt anyone...

Plus I don't really have any experience just dating someone like, twice and then not liking them enough to continue on with it. Hell, I've never like, had a date with one person one day and a different person the next or later in the week... I mean, it always ends up that a single date seems to be a commitment for a long term thing...

I love my current bf, but he's often rather controlling and always wants more attention and I can't give it to him. I have to work and I have to go to school... I've already gone down to visit him a number of times when I really shouldn't have (i.e. I had a midterm the next day I should have studied for or homework that needed doing)

It may just be because we've been fighting so much lately (everything gets crammed into the end of the year it seems) and I've got my exams spaced in such a way that I need to work on them solidly for nearly two weeks... so I don't see anything improving until after then...

I'm 20 years old, non-religious, and have been celibate by choice my entire life. I still date, but dates don't always have to lead to sex. I could drop my celibacy any day, and I wouldn't feel bad about it, but as of now I've never met a girl who I really wanted to have sex with, there's just too many problems that can come up if you just sleep with just anyone; unwanted children, STD's, stupid drama, and a lot more.

Basically I'm really picky. =)

definitely sounds like you need to be single and celebate for a little while. if you're feeling that negative about relationships then it's best to take a break so that you can work through it without hurting anybody else's feelings.
Except that it would end up hurting someone else's feelings.

Though I'm honestly not sure right now if he's pretty much dumped me at the moment. I don't have a long distance phone service and he's not on the computer. He was talking like he had all the things I gave him packed up and was going to return them to my house.

I really don't know what he expected me to do though. I can't come home this weekend, nor can I for the next little while, I can't afford to fail my exams to see him. It's not that he's not important to me, he is... It's just that I can't always do what I want.

If he doesn't understand that, then I'd really question being with him. Ironically a similar situation.

If you are in a relationship with this guy surely he understands that you passing your exams benefits and secures both of your futures?

Uh how bout not dating needy guys?

Except that it would end up hurting someone else's feelings.

Though I'm honestly not sure right now if he's pretty much dumped me at the moment. I don't have a long distance phone service and he's not on the computer. He was talking like he had all the things I gave him packed up and was going to return them to my house.

I really don't know what he expected me to do though. I can't come home this weekend, nor can I for the next little while, I can't afford to fail my exams to see him. It's not that he's not important to me, he is... It's just that I can't always do what I want.
*shrug*

wish i could give you some advice, but i never had patience with that kind of drama. it sounds like you and i are polar opposites when it comes to relationships; the majority of my lovers have been "friends with benefits," people who i cared about and respected but was not romantically involved with. my current lover and i have often been told we don't act like we're a couple, we just act like best friends who have the hots for each other...we skip most of the relationship junk so we can spend more time playing videogames and shagging.

Well, he understands that I need to write my exams.
He just gets bothered by my inability to do much else during that time.

Yeah, I think I need to develop a "needy guy detector" so I can avoid such situations in the first place.

I'll be off for a while, so don't expect an immediate response to anything, you guys have been helpful though.

I'm a 16 yr-old male and I'm surrounded by many of the most shallow of women. Who think I'm gay because I don't want to date them. Feh, take a number you ditzes!

I suggest you get as much tail as you can, because when you're an old man you're gonna wish you tapped all that ass. Well, that and these people sound really dumb and you might be able to get them to buy you shit too.

Here's my advice (for what it's worth):

Stop with the long distance relationships. You're simply making extra work for yourself.

Learn that it's okay to be without a boyfriend sometimes. Concentrate your energies on your schoolwork, rather than on some guy you probably won't even be talking to in a year anyway.

Buy yourself a pocket rocket to ease the... ahem... discomfort of being without a steady sex partner.

I'm really getting sick of men. Well, not men as friends or men as people, men in relationships.

Ah, so 'freinds with benefits' aren't out of the picture? It would be an intermediate state of relationship that you might be content with until you figure out exactly what you're looking for in a relationship, if in fact you really want a relationship at all. Given that you're disposed to forming deeper relationships I'm not sure if this is a reasonable option, but it'd be a nice middle ground. You'd be getting some and you'd have time to yourself to figure out exactly what you're looking for in a loving relationship, if you really want one at all.

Of course some people are turned off by the idea of a non-loving sexual relationship alone. I don't think it really counts as 'sleeping around' if it's just one person, but that's just me. It's just a thought.

I've never been in a long distance relationship so I don't know what that's all like, but it sounds to me as though they simply won't work for you. If that's what your relationships have consistently become, and if you consistently are dissatisfied with these relationships, then that could be a cause of your troubles. In your post it sounded like this was a big cause of your unhappiness. Another problem could be that you're just not ready to settle down yet. Have you given any thought to getting away from it all for a while?

it always ends up that a single date seems to be a commitment for a long term thing... This lady is not a good candidate for the whole "friends with benefits" route.

Dakini, no offence, but you whine alot ;).

Back to the topic at hand, however.

If you want to be celebate, go ahead, be my guest. I couldn't care less about what you choose. However, I must say, try not having a long-distance relationship. That might fix your problems :).

Here's my advice (for what it's worth):

Stop with the long distance relationships. You're simply making extra work for yourself.

Learn that it's okay to be without a boyfriend sometimes. Concentrate your energies on your schoolwork, rather than on some guy you probably won't even be talking to in a year anyway.

Buy yourself a pocket rocket to ease the... ahem... discomfort of being without a steady sex partner.
lol.

I know I don't need a bf. I actually enjoy single life, I would enjoy it more if I could date casually, but it never works out and when I do date it never ends up casual.

And yeah, no more long distance relationships. At least not until I get a car or unless he has one.