NationStates Jolt Archive

Is there a minimum time that you think a couple should date before they get married?

EDIT: And feel free to share how long you, personally, would want to wait before you agreed to get married. Or how long you did wait before getting married. Or how long you WISH you would have waited ;).

A year seems reasonable to me as a minimum

There should be no minimum or maximum, time because everyone is different. Some people need a few months, some (like my mother), need eight years.

There should be no minimum or maximum, time because everyone is different. Some people need a few months, some (like my mother), need eight years.

^^^ What he said. However long they think is necessary. I don't think time is the issue with divorce rates, but rather people's idea of what marriage stands for in the first place.

Yeah, I mean, if everyone followed the same standard, there would be more problems in marriage than there are now.

Yeah, I mean, if everyone followed the same standard, there would be more problems in marriage than there are now.
oh, i wasn't implying that all couples should be together for exactly the same length of time before they marry, just trying to figure out if there is a MINIMUM that everybody probably should reach before they make that choice.

for instance, i tend to feel like it's a bit irresponsible for a couple to decide to spend their lives together after knowing each other less than a month. that doesn't mean i think everybody should consider marriage at a month +1 day, though.

hell, i'm at 5 years at this point, and marriage doesn't seem imminent. in fact, the only thing that makes it seem at all attractive is the excuse to have a huge party and get a bunch of stuff.

but then again, i'm not exactly a fan of getting permission from a non-existent diety or some stupid state to love and live with somebody. so maybe i'm a bit biased.

Me and the wife waited approximately 17 years before we got married. That might not suit everyone, some might not want to be so impetuous.

Well if I had the choice I would be asking my gf to marry me right now...but its kinda impractical as we both students and can't afford it...besides, means she gets more time to deciede how many of her clan like family she is going to invite ;) :D

I would say six years for the simple reason that you need to get seriously used to someone before you can spend an entire lifetime with them. I dont understand these speed marriage ideas, it may explain the divorce rate being so high, no one prepares seriously enough for marriage anymore.

Long enough for two things to happen:

1] For her to realise that he really won't grow out of video games or porn and that it's ok.

2] For him to hear her fart and not be freaked out.

That should be about right.

A year seems to be a good minimum. At least, if you want to know someone well enough to be married more than a few weeks.

True, the rush is a concern.

And, Bottle, I know you weren't implying that the time be used for everyone. I was just pointing out that everyone has different needs and perspectives on the whole concept.

I personally, this aside, think marriage should be buried with feudilism.

True, the rush is a concern.

And, Bottle, I know you weren't implying that the time be used for everyone. I was just pointing out that everyone has different needs and perspectives on the whole concept.

I personally, this aside, think marriage should be buried with feudilism.
lol, groovy. on all counts :).

hell, i'm at 5 years at this point, and marriage doesn't seem imminent. in fact, the only thing that makes it seem at all attractive is the excuse to have a huge party and get a bunch of stuff.

but then again, i'm not exactly a fan of getting permission from a non-existent diety or some stupid state to love and live with somebody. so maybe i'm a bit biased.

That's the problem! People keep asking permission from the non-existent God, rather than the one that exists. That's what's causing all these divorces nowadays. :)

Is there a minimum time that you think a couple should date before they get married?

EDIT: And feel free to share how long you, personally, would want to wait before you agreed to get married. Or how long you did wait before getting married. Or how long you WISH you would have waited ;).

I don't see the need for a minimum or maximum. If they make a mistake, it's only they themselves who suffer, and responsibility should take care of that. Marriage is such a basic right that we can't really "protect" anyone from their own errors there.

As for me... I have no idea, and suppose it would depend. I haven't experienced that yet. ;)

I personally, this aside, think marriage should be buried with feudilism.

and as your feudal lord, i think i shall reserve my right to arrange your marriage (or at least retain veto power over it) and my right of jus primae noctis.

Long enough for two things to happen:

1] For her to realise that he really won't grow out of video games or porn and that it's ok.

2] For him to hear her fart and not be freaked out.

That should be about right.Exactly. That is perfect.

i say a couple of years. i'm sure there's a reason for it if i could be arsed to justify my thinking

Most couples in India have never "dated" before they were married. They don't seem to have any more problems than societies that have long dating periods before marriage.

It's up to them, whatever they think is right.

And they should feel no compulsion to get married to be socially acceptable either.

It's up to them, whatever they think is right.

And they should feel no compulsion to get married to be socially acceptable either.

One of the many things we agree on. This never gets old.

Why on Earth would they want to get married?

Long enough for two things to happen:

1] For her to realise that he really won't grow out of video games or porn and that it's ok.

2] For him to hear her fart and not be freaked out.

That should be about right.
holy shit. that happened to me and sharon a while ago. sweet.

anyways, a year seems right, though i was emotionally ready to marry her well before that. we aren't financially ready to live together yet tho, and i'd like to be able to give her the wedding she wants. if i went to school in chicago, however, adn had a job out there and all that, i'd marry her in a second. the only problem is that she's crazy emotional. i got her this 100 dollar little diamond ring from kay for our first year anniversary (i sold blood plasma to afford it :p ) when i gave it to her, i asked her to marry me, and she was crying before i even go the first word out. it was hilarious. it's not like it was jsut a few tears either. it was the ugly cry. the one chicks get when they watch The Notebook. she could barely speak. huge ego boost. :D

Rather than simply having dated for a minimum time, I think it would be good for people to live together for a while before deciding to get married. If you can't stand being cooped up in the same living space as that special someone, tying the knot might not be such a good idea.

holy shit. that happened to me and sharon a while ago. sweet.

Then you're good, babe. Get married. Congratulations and I wish you all the blessings the Universe has to offer. :)

Why on Earth would they want to get married? It is going to take one hell of an amazing woman to convince me to marry her.

Two days (unles it is vegas then as long as it takes to get drunk)

Then you're good, babe. Get married. Congratulations and I wish you all the blessings the Universe has to offer. :)
I'm at that stage with my partner too! Hurray! Except we both have an eternity of university to go through. And he's getting me hooked on computer games! :eek:

I'm at that stage with my partner too! Hurray! Except we both have an eternity of university to go through. And he's getting me hooked on computer games! :eek:

Nice! Which games?

That's the problem! People keep asking permission from the non-existent God, rather than the one that exists. That's what's causing all these divorces nowadays. :)
I am assuming that you are the existing God you referenced in your post?

Nice! Which games?
Fallout 1 and 2, and Civ 3 at the moment.

Civ 3 had me addicted for months. I even made a balance mod for it, though I lost it when I had to reformat.

Sometime over a year.

I'm at that stage with my partner too! Hurray! Except we both have an eternity of university to go through. And he's getting me hooked on computer games! :eek:

No no no no ... you're supposed to come into the camp with me and Occidio and be a Queen among mortals. Hehehe

Anyway, internet fantasy aside, then you're good! Hell, he's even trying to get you hooked on something he will never grow out of!

If you don't believe me, I refer you to the Eutrusca thread where he asks for adventure games in his boredom. Even in our 60s, men love the gaming!

I think you've found the right man. You should be pleased. Marry him and get on with life. However, you must invite me to the wedding. Also, I am licensed to perform weddings in 35 US States and all of Canada, so invite me to do your wedding. :D

Civ 3 had me addicted for months. I even made a balance mod for it, though I lost it when I had to reformat.
Hah so what Civ 2 took away pretty much 3 full years of my life!

Hah so what Civ 2 took away pretty much 3 full years of my life!

You poor, poor bastard.

Also, I am licensed to perform weddings in 35 US States and all of Canada, so invite me to do your wedding. :D
I would but we're in Australia! And we're going to wait until we're working fulltime. For him that should be in a couple of years, for me it's... Lots of years. Um... *counts on fingers* 4 1/2. :(

I have no preference. I think that marriage is among the top five most important decisions a person can make in his life. My only issue with people getting married before a full year is that they may not truly know their partner. People rush into marriage too quickly and it's sad to see it end in divorce. My bias is that true soulmates are the only people to be able to "pull it off."

Me and the wife waited approximately 17 years before we got married. That might not suit everyone, some might not want to be so impetuous.

Yes it's always good to properly consider these things first, not rush in head first as you obviously did. :p

You poor, poor bastard.
Yeah kind of makes me think i want them back but then id just waste them again! :(

Definitely around a year or more. Minimum more than one year.

Is there a minimum time that you think a couple should date before they get married?

EDIT: And feel free to share how long you, personally, would want to wait before you agreed to get married. Or how long you did wait before getting married. Or how long you WISH you would have waited ;).

I think it really depends on the couple in question. I can't imagine marying someone I haven't been with for several years, but I had a friend who was engaged w/in 6 months and they are doing great.

I've been dating my guy for about 3 1/2 years now and I'm ready to get married - just waiting on him to ask =)

And he's getting me hooked on computer games! :eek:

Don't you hate it when they do that?

=)

A year is fine. If you can't figure out who you'd want to spend your life with after dating/living together for a year I fear for you.

After that its just a matter of having the money to marry and other meddling details.

In all honesty? I don't care how long people wait to do whatever. My girlfreind and I are about to have our 3 year anniversary next month, and it still seems like a short time to me.
Of course.. she lives thousands of kilometers away, and I only physicly see her once or twice a year, but that doesn't really make a difference, does it?


For her to realise that he really won't grow out of video games or porn and that it's ok.

2] For him to hear her fart and not be freaked out.

That should be about right.

Well, I'm set then.
Firstly, my girlfreind plays video games with me. Hell, she prefers to play with me (Espically Halo, and soon Halo 2, we rule together in that game >.>).
As for porn, well, she'd never let me grow out of it even if I tried.


Also, I am licensed to perform weddings in 35 US States and all of Canada, so invite me to do your wedding.

Seriously? Consider yourself hired... sometime.. in.. the.. future?

The government shouldn't sanction marriage, and people should not get married.

It is obsolete symbolism that only causes more problems than it fixes.

hell, i'm at 5 years at this point, and marriage doesn't seem imminent. in fact, the only thing that makes it seem at all attractive is the excuse to have a huge party and get a bunch of stuff.

Having just got married, I can tell you its not worth all the "stuff". The party, maybe. If the religous aspect dosnt attract you, the legal rights (insurance, generally; and some other stuff) should. I dated for about 5 years before I got married- we were engaged for 2 of those years. In many aspects that was too long, and in some not long enough. Having made some mistakes along the path of life, I agree with the idea that the length of time before marriage has little or no impact on divorce rates. You must have a clear idea in your head of what the marriage means, or you will be bound to have problems. Just look at the success arranged marriages have. Yes, there are issues in some of them, but really is not that high of a percentage. I belive the reason is the people getting into it, although they dont know eachother, they know what the relationship is about, and what certain expectations are. Thats something some people in the US dont get after even 10 years.

I don't think there's a 'minimum', though I would certainly advise at least a year or so. Personally, I want it to get to two or three years, plus whatever time there is between engagement and marriage.

I have little interest in any of the rigmarole associated with it. I'd want it to just be the two of us doing the legal thing, and then a small party kind of thing with our friends and immediate families. That's just me, though!

Well, I'm set then.
Firstly, my girlfreind plays video games with me. Hell, she prefers to play with me (Espically Halo, and soon Halo 2, we rule together in that game >.>).

Well sadly my lady isn't into FPS and RTS games, but she does like Dynasty/Samurai Warriors, and she loves RPGs and survival horro (My gf and our two best friends, also both girls, have played waaaay more Resi, Silent Hill, and Fatal Frame than I have xD). Now if I could just get her to play TimeSplitters and C&C... xD