NationStates Jolt Archive

Say something gross. I assume this thread will only be for strong stomachs.
WARNING: Please don't say anything that is sure to cause offence. I would give an example, but then I'd be a hypocrite.

Anyways.......

Today, my dog sicked up on the sofa. It wasn't normal sick though, he'd only just eaten so it all came up like a big solid sausage. At first I thought he'd puked up his own guts, then I thought he was shitting out of his mouth. But he wasn't.

Well, time to dig it up again:

WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death.

lmfao!!!!! I didn't think this thread was going to be this much fun!

Well, time to dig it up again:

WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death.

But it's cool for someone to attempt vaginal sex? :eek:

But it's cool for someone to attempt vaginal sex?

Apparently. I'm still not sure how you would do that though. :confused:

If you died from this, how would they list that in the obituaries?

Apparently. I'm still not sure how you would do that though. :confused:

If you died from this, how would they list that in the obituaries?
Simple:

"xxxxxxxxxxx: Loved my Dolphins. To death."

But it's cool for someone to attempt vaginal sex? :eek:

If you aren't worried about killing it, you could fuck the blowhole.

While we're on the subject of aquatic sex; in what way is a mermaid appealing? They have scales where a woman's *cough cough* should be, the mecanics of an actual love making bout are mind boggling.

If you aren't worried about killing it, you could fuck the blowhole.

"Dad, what's the blowhole for?"

Peter: "I can tell you what it's not for, son. And that's why I can never go to Seaworld again"

I just had to copy and paste this

I think I can get away with describing it. Picture a naked woman in a bathtub with her legs behind her shoulders, anus pointing up, and squirting a brownish yellow fluid up into the air and back down into her face.

I just had to copy and paste this
Is she banned? I wonder why?

If you aren't worried about killing it, you could fuck the blowhole.

You're right, it's just too dangerous. Best stick to phone sex:
*So what are you wearing right now flipper?
- Eeek ,eeeeeeeeeeek click eeeeck, eeeeeeeeek

While we're on the subject of aquatic sex; in what way is a mermaid appealing? They have scales where a woman's *cough cough* should be, the mecanics of an actual love making bout are mind boggling.

I'd assume it would involve egg laying *shudder*

"xxxxxxxxxxx: Loved my Dolphins. To death."

I'd hate to be the one who has to do that autopsy. :(

Is she banned? I wonder why?

No, I'm plainly not banned. Besides, there was a warning. It wasn't even me who said it originally. I just found it funny. Don't go on a thread that says "grotesque" if you can't handle it.

You're right, it's just too dangerous. Best stick to phone sex:
*So what are you wearing right now flipper?
- Eeek ,eeeeeeeeeeek click eeeeck, eeeeeeeeek

*is crying with laughter*

I'd assume it would involve egg laying *shudder*

I aint laying eggs for no girl, no matter how long she could hold here breath for.

Well, time to dig it up again:

WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death.


I remember some type of warning sticker the maker of my jet ski mailed to me a few years after I bought it. It was a warning about putting bodily orfices near the jet pump outlet-they wanted me to stick it on the back, in case I forgot and had an urge for a high-pressure seawater colonic.

No, I'm plainly not banned. Besides, there was a warning. It wasn't even me who said it originally. I just found it funny. Don't go on a thread that says "grotesque" if you can't handle it.
I meant the person the quote was about. The girl. In the bath. The 'Eww that is awful' thing. Sorry for not making that clear...

they wanted me to stick it on the back, in case I forgot and had an urge for a high-pressure seawater colonic.

What, you mean you never have? That's the only reason I go to the car wash!

Sorry, I'm a little touchy today. Oh well, as this is the grotesque thread... I'm waiting to start bleeding from my vagina. Anyway... erm... tubgirl never played Nationstates... as far as a I know of......

What, you mean you never have? That's the only reason I go to the car wash!
Reminds me of this guy who tried the 'vacuum blow job' thing. He got hospitalised :eek:

EDIT: Sorry, I'm a little touchy today. Oh well, as this is the grotesque thread... I'm waiting to start bleeding from my vagina. Anyway... erm... tubgirl never played Nationstates... as far as a I know of...... Again, sorry for not being clear. I meant had all mention of her been banned, as well as pics. If so, thank God.

Reminds me of this guy who tried the 'vacuum blow job' thing. He got hospitalised

That must've been hard to explain to his family.

EDIT: Again, sorry for not being clear. I meant had all mention of her been banned, as well as pics. If so, thank God.

Ah..... from the net. I'm sure you could find her somewhere!

My legs are as hairy as a man's

Ah..... from the net. I'm sure you could find her somewhere!

My legs are as hairy as a man's
:eek: :D

That must've been hard to explain to his family.
I knew him. It went something along the lines of:

HIM: Mum, dad - I put my wang in the vacuum cleaner and now it hurts like hell. Can you take me to hospital?

MUM: Oh my God!

DAD: Why couldn't you just buy a blow up sheep like all the other perverts...

Haha, on that amusing note, I'm off. Keep posting perversions!

Ah..... from the net. I'm sure you could find her somewhere!

My legs are as hairy as a man's

Mine too!
*drinks beer to hairy legs*
...
*later looks up www.tenage-bottle-nose-whores.com*

[QUOTE=The Tribes Of LongtonHIM: Mum, dad - I put my wang in the vacuum cleaner and now it hurts like hell. Can you take me to hospital?

MUM: Oh my God!

DAD: Why couldn't you just buy a blow up sheep like all the other perverts...[/QUOTE]


Just as a minor technical question:

Is this sort of thing just an urban myth?
I'm asking because I don't see how you could fit it into a standard vacuum hose.

Just as a minor technical question:

Is this sort of thing just an urban myth?
I'm asking because I don't see how you could fit it into a standard vacuum hose.
No it happened.

*goes and looks at vacuum cleaner*

Jesus man, If you can't fit in that.... :eek:

Jesus man, If you can't fit in that....

Maybe Ron Jeremy snuck on to this thread? It would explain the "whispering legs" ;)

Reminds me of this guy who tried the 'vacuum blow job' thing. He got hospitalised :eek:

EDIT: Again, sorry for not being clear. I meant had all mention of her been banned, as well as pics. If so, thank God.


One I heard of-a guy went to the hospital when he got his pecker stuck in a whiskey bottle. His mother brought him to the emergency room after her unsuccessful attempt to assist him-she broke the bottle with a hammer. Part of the bottle was still on him.
My feet are cramped from my toes curling. I am quite sure though, that if I found myself in the same situation, mom is the last person on the planet I would be getting help from. And if your pecker fits in a whiskey bottle, arent you embarrased enough already?

And if your pecker fits in a whiskey bottle, arent you embarrased enough already?
A guy at my high school claimed to have had sex with a row of CDs. Ow.

Just as a minor technical question:

Is this sort of thing just an urban myth?
I'm asking because I don't see how you could fit it into a standard vacuum hose.


I didnt do the measurements, but was visualizing and wondering too-maybe these guys were young teens?

A guy at my high school claimed to have had sex with a row of CDs. Ow.

Thats just wrong- that pencil-dicked geek violating cds !

I didnt do the measurements, but was visualizing and wondering too-maybe these guys were young teens?
All I can say is, US vacuums must be shit. I just looked at ours before, and the nozzle (without the wide attachment bit on it i.e. just a tube of metal) is about 2.5" diameter. Besides, the guy did hurt himself, so...

I didnt do the measurements, but was visualizing and wondering too-maybe these guys were young teens?

I think it depends on the model of vaccum, ours is pretty wide actually.


Thats just wrong- that pencil-dicked geek violating cds !

Yes. Yes it is.

i drink the yellow stuff that comes out of tubgirl's ass

i drink the yellow stuff that comes out of tubgirl's ass
You drink shit and mucus? I thought this was Grotesque but not TOO grotesque... :eek:

You drink shit and mucus? I thought this was Grotesque but not TOO grotesque... :eek:


I think thats on the fence between Grotesque, but not too Grotesque.

All I can say is, US vacuums must be shit. I just looked at ours before, and the nozzle (without the wide attachment bit on it i.e. just a tube of metal) is about 2.5" diameter. Besides, the guy did hurt himself, so...

Our vacuums are fine. I think its you're little pee-pee.

While we're on the subject of aquatic sex; in what way is a mermaid appealing? They have scales where a woman's *cough cough* should be, the mecanics of an actual love making bout are mind boggling.
underwater blowjobs. check and mate.

Our vacuums are fine. I think its you're little pee-pee.
Oh my god, you must have an über-dong, because you can say I have a small penis...[/sarcasm] :rolleyes:

underwater blowjobs. check and mate.

I don't know, I'd be worried about shrinkage. Still, a good idea.

Oh my god, you must have an über-dong, because you can say I have a small penis...[/sarcasm] :rolleyes:


I always figured I was average, till I found out that your vacuums suck better than ours. Its the classic "my vacuum sucks better than your vacuum" theory. And wether I am uber or average, I know my equipment wont fit in your vacuum. but that has me thinking-I have a shop-vac in the basement. *L*
And besides-dont you guys have that Dyson upright? thats not a very sexy vacuum.

I always figured I was average, till I found out that your vacuums suck better than ours. Its the classic "my vacuum sucks better than your vacuum" theory. And wether I am uber or average, I know my equipment wont fit in your vacuum. but that has me thinking-I have a shop-vac in the basement. *L*
And besides-dont you guys have that Dyson upright? thats not a very sexy vacuum.
Nah, I have a dyson one, but not an upright.

Hang on, I just got confused by that post - you know your equipment wont fit in my vacuum? Hmm, the innuendo meter is off the charts...

That must've been hard to explain to his family.
It happens from time to time. The worst is when they misjudge the distance to the impeller. It's like putting the tip in a blender. Not good. Also intake lines on swimming pools cause their share of problems. People have been found stuck by their penis to the side of a hotel swimming pool.

It happens from time to time. The worst is when they misjudge the distance to the impeller. It's like putting the tip in a blender. Not good. Also intake lines on swimming pools cause their share of problems. People have been found stuck by their penis to the side of a hotel swimming pool.


Imagine how long you sit in the same spot in a hotel swimming pool hoping to God the pump shuts off and frees you? Praying no one notices.

Nah, I have a dyson one, but not an upright.

Hang on, I just got confused by that post - you know your equipment wont fit in my vacuum? Hmm, the innuendo meter is off the charts...


I thought you measured a 2.5" diameter? I'm absolutely certain that isnt a large enough orfice for loving.
But then again, a previous post said that the hole in the center of a cd was, so there are some rather small guys wandering around out there.

so there are some rather small guys wandering around out there.

Their penis would have to be smaller than an index finger! Hell, even my pinky can't get past the 2nd knuckle on a CD hole.

I thought you measured a 2.5" diameter? I'm absolutely certain that isnt a large enough orfice for loving.
But then again, a previous post said that the hole in the center of a cd was, so there are some rather small guys wandering around out there.
The guy with the CD thing did have a small one. It was 'revealed' in front of about 300 people one sports day when he jumped up and someone ragged his shorts down. But just draw a circle with 2.5" diameter (not circumference) will you?

2.5 inches

|__________________________|


(Rough measurement, done with a tape measure on my computer screen.)

2.5 inches

|__________________________|


(Rough measurement, done with a tape measure on my computer screen.)
Ta. It might be a bit less than that - more like this:

|_______________________|

BTW, haven't seen you around much, CP.

Ta. It might be a bit less than that - more like this:

|_______________________|

BTW, haven't seen you around much, CP.

Either way, that's some scary genitalia.


Yeah, I haven't been posting much recently. I was still around, but just didn't really feel like posting.

Either way, that's some scary genitalia.


Yeah, I haven't been posting much recently. I was still around, but just didn't really feel like posting.
Fair enough. I'm all Sciavo'ed out, thanks to the 1001 threads I have read. But I still post in the Rejects thing, so...

post count goes uppity.

Although seemingly beneficial, oral, penatrative or any other kind of sex should be carried out with persons over the age of 83 because of the inhernet urinal and anal seepage this will cause. It is also very likely that the subject will have a form of yeast infection which will subsequently cause a discolouration of the penis and possibly gangreen resulting in amputation. The testicles may also begin to dissolve.

Fair enough. I'm all Sciavo'ed out, thanks to the 1001 threads I have read. But I still post in the Rejects thing, so...

post count goes uppity.

Yeah, this Sciavo business is all pretty futile. I swear, there's been more discussion about her than the upcoming election.

By the way, I've been meaning to start an NS local 8976 thread for a while. Trouble is, I'm not sure whether to start a discussion thread for the next meeting or write a criticism of how things are going.

The Rejects thread looks interesting...I think I'll get involved if I can come up with a decent title.

Yeah, this Sciavo business is all pretty futile. I swear, there's been more discussion about her than the upcoming election.

By the way, I've been meaning to start an NS local 8976 thread for a while. Trouble is, I'm not sure whether to start a discussion thread for the next meeting or write a criticism of how things are going.

The Rejects thread looks interesting...I think I'll get involved if I can come up with a decent title.
OK. With the 8976 thing, I never really got into the debating thing - for a long while it just looked like we'd reinvented beurocracy and red tape. I mean seriously, we must have spent 50 pages on one topic...

With the Rejects thing, it's all really wierd RPing alot of the time. There appears to be no meaning to it whatsoever except to be wierd and slay lots of peasants...

And, to keep on topic: 'Tossing someones salad' can lead to severe infections of the mouth, nose and throat, as bacteria from the colon - although beneficial in the colon - can be deadly in the mouth.

This is probably the most grotesque thing I've seen in a while. If your easily grossed out or somewhere public don't go clicking this link (http://diseaseoftheweek.blogspot.com/). I'm not sure where this person got their sense of humour but I'm pretty sure they were locked in a cupboard as a child.

If we're going for gross-outs here:
I give suppositories at work. These are like mini-enemas; little tube thingies full of gel stuff that one squeezes into the rectum to liquefy the contents of the bowel for easy expulsion.
Sometimes, when a client farts during 'application' of the suppository, you get an interesting blow-back effect, and because of the close proximity of one's face to the 'action,' some of the liquefied goodness can splash you in the face.
Parasites I can handle. Animal sh*t I can handle. Shoveling sheep innards after slaughter on our farm when I was a child - I can handle it all. All except for human sh*t. It just smells wrong.

Thats just wrong- that pencil-dicked geek violating cds !

You think that's sick? A friend of my housemate's saw this weird guy at a party shoving something (I can't remember what it was) with a point down his japseye. He kept saying it was the best experience he'd ever had. Unsurprisingly, everyone left him to it.