NationStates Jolt Archive

Have you ever been called by a telemarketer during an inconvenient time, forgive the redundancy, and just talked to him or her, like say ," Sorry this is the city morgue." Or something like that?
Bleh.

All the time. When it's a guy I pretend to be gay and hit on him. When it's someone trying to change my long distance provider I insist I don't have a phone (you can keep them on the line for quite some time if you just keep saying stuff like "I don't know how we're talking. You called me. I don't own a phone.")

That reminds me. If there's anything that points out how small and unknown our town is, it's that we occasionally get calls from local businesses and organizations. They start out business or advertising, and a half minute later have gone to social calls. No one seems to care about this tendency. And I can recall a few occasions where I hung up with "see you later," and meant it.

Efficient? Not really. Yet, oddly enough, I don't think I've ever heard anyone local complaining about marketing.


As to what to say to really badly timed calls... Try this. "Hello, you've reached the sixth level of Hell. This is the King of Evil speaking, did you want something?"

I used to just say "whatever it is you're selling, I'm not buying", but once in a while I would act like a real retard. Literaly, I'd speak like I had Down's or something. Good times...

Of course, since I've added my number to the Swedish national "do not call" list, I haven't had a single telemarketer call me in quite a while.

I did punch a telemarketer in the face once, but in my defence that telemarketer was being a dick

I was a telemarketer for about a week and a half. I got sick of having to defend my mother's honor from jerks.

But I guess I can see where they were coming from, in retrospect, sorta. Jerks.

I used to just say "whatever it is you're selling, I'm not buying", but once in a while I would act like a real retard. Literaly, I'd speak like I had Down's or something. Good times...

That is fucking brilliant! Too bad that no telemarketers ever call my cellphone... I'd love to use some of the stuff I've learned here.

I did punch a telemarketer in the face once, but in my defence that telemarketer was being a dick

Is that a reference to this (http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2003-12-03)? Because if it is, well done!

If not, well, I think you need to be a bit of a dick to stand working as a telemarketer...

Is that a reference to this (http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2003-12-03)? Because if it is, well done!

If not, well, I think you need to be a bit of a dick to stand working as a telemarketer...

Penny Arcade fucking rules.

Penny Arcade fucking rules.

Indeed.

I realy don't have a phone. So for some reason they never call me. But I worked as a telemarketeer for a while. Fun stuff. :D

My favorite thing to tell them when they call is ask before they can say anythning if their selling something odd, like my favorite, whipped creme. That usually confuses them enough they just hang up, or stutter on for a while...

one of my favorites is to continually say "no" even when they're talking. If ou can keep up a rhythm, it's even better. :D

Next time I get a telemarketer, I'm hanging up.

I caught three calls today.

one of my favorites is to continually say "no" even when they're talking. If ou can keep up a rhythm, it's even better. :D

That would kick ass. But you know what would be funnier? Talking like Meatwad. I don't just mean the voice --- I'm talking the whole scatterbrain personality!

"Hello, sir/madame, are you satisfied with your phone service?"

*Meatwad Voice* "Well... I'm not sure, really."

"Well then, would you like to change your phone service?"

*Meatwad Voice* "Change my what?"

"Your phone service."

*Meatwad Voice* "What phone service?"

Now that's the stuff I'm talking about!

I plan on using "My mommy can't come to the phone right now", in a really soft quiet voice, as long as I can get away with it. Sometimes it's good to sound young on the phone.

Is that a reference to this (http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2003-12-03)? Because if it is, well done!

If not, well, I think you need to be a bit of a dick to stand working as a telemarketer...

actually it was, nice catch :)

Actually what I enjoy doing is going to the bathroom while they are talking to you (Only work if you have a cordless, or a telephone in the bathroom)

actually it was, nice catch :)

Nice reference! :fluffle:

My favorite is pretending that they're some close friend trying to call. I usually use random names i.e. Leon, and just be like "Come on! Leon! I know it's you, give it up!"

Actually what I enjoy doing is going to the bathroom while they are talking to you (Only work if you have a cordless, or a telephone in the bathroom)

i enjoy doing this... its especially nice if your taking a shit, because you get the noise :D Also you can answer the phone saying "Happy Valley Insane Asylum, How May I help You....)

i just tell them im mastrubating

i just tell them im mastrubating

You're not supposed to tell them the truth.

So, lemme get this straight --- Nobody liked my Meatwad idea?

Meatwad is KING to you!

I'd like to know why telemarketers always ring at dinner time?

And I hate having to try to get a word in to tell them I'm not interested in whatever they're selling...

I'd like to know why telemarketers always ring at dinner time?

And I hate having to try to get a word in to tell them I'm not interested in whatever they're selling...

They may call everybody else during dinner time, but when I had a regular phone, they always called when I was about to go to bed. I kid you not --- Sometimes even at 10:00 PM! And this one particular bastard called at 7:30 in the morning.

Tell them you're buried alive or that you see them. It'll work I gurantee it. ;)

They may call everybody else during dinner time, but when I had a regular phone, they always called when I was about to go to bed. I kid you not --- Sometimes even at 10:00 PM! And this one particular bastard called at 7:30 in the morning.
Some dickhead called me when I'd just gotten my new phone number, and obviously thinking I was someone else, tried to sell me some jewellery... I couldn't get a word in for aaaaaages and eventually managed to blurt out that I didn't actually have any money. Then I hung up.

And he rang me back and hung up when I answered the phone! :mad:

Some dickhead called me when I'd just gotten my new phone number, and obviously thinking I was someone else, tried to sell me some jewellery... I couldn't get a word in for aaaaaages and eventually managed to blurt out that I didn't actually have any money. Then I hung up.

And he rang me back and hung up when I answered the phone! :mad:

Whoa, that guy had an attitude problem! I would've Star 69'ed his ass and insulted his mother.

Some dickhead called me when I'd just gotten my new phone number, and obviously thinking I was someone else, tried to sell me some jewellery... I couldn't get a word in for aaaaaages and eventually managed to blurt out that I didn't actually have any money. Then I hung up.

And he rang me back and hung up when I answered the phone! :mad:
Next time one calls me, those fuckers always call during dinner, I'll pose as a Jehovah's Witness or a rival telemarketer.

If I can preconcieve a response to what they're trying to sell me, sarcasm is usually my modus operandi. E.g. to the telemarketer trying to sell me windows: "It's about bloody time you called! I've had huge gaping great holes in the front of my house for six weeks now; people have been looking in, it's been cold - I even had my furniture stolen last week, why didn't you phone up earlier?", at which point they promptly apologise and bid me farewell. I like to think they then realise that if people wanted new windows, they'd go out and buy them rather than wait for a telemarketer to call them.

One thing to do is start ordering a pizza while they're talking about their product :sniper:

So, lemme get this straight --- Nobody liked my Meatwad idea?

Meatwad is KING to you!
Dude, that's an awesome idea, one of my friends actually has the Meatwad personality and can imitate his voice perfectly. I might get him to talk to a telemarketer next time he's over and one calls me.

Dude, that's an awesome idea, one of my friends actually has the Meatwad personality and can imitate his voice perfectly. I might get him to talk to a telemarketer next time he's over and one calls me.

My friend has it down perfectly too
:sniper:

Dude, that's an awesome idea, one of my friends actually has the Meatwad personality and can imitate his voice perfectly. I might get him to talk to a telemarketer next time he's over and one calls me.

I've been able to do that voice since I was in 1st Grade. You have to close your throat and put just the right amount of bass in... And voila!

Has anyoneone seen the movie "fifty first dates?"
:sniper:

I asked a telemarketer if he sold electric plungers, when he said no I had an over-the-phone mental breakdown but I hung up when he asked if he should call the hospital.

Dude, that's an awesome idea, one of my friends actually has the Meatwad personality and can imitate his voice perfectly. I might get him to talk to a telemarketer next time he's over and one calls me.
"where's my whisky I want to get tore up"

if u have then u know what im talking about. use the personality of Ten-Second Tom
:sniper:

i absolutely hate telemarketers :mad: :headbang:
:sniper:

ever wish you could just gun down all telemarketers? :mp5:
:sniper:

Ever wish you could just edit a post instead of triple-posting?

i think telemarketing should be a crime.


punishible by death.


it might sound inhumane, but think about it: are they really humans?

This needs some prepping ahead of time.

Prep a list of survey questions and make em outragiouly personal... when the Telemarketer calls... let him/her know that you too have a survey and tell them that you are willing to listen to their speil if they answer your questions. tailor the questions to be very personal (sex habits, orientation, experimentation that sorta thing...) if they refuse, then tell em the deals off and hang up.

Ever wish you could just edit a post instead of triple-posting?


:eek: gee, i never thought of that....Duh! :mad:

ya know, im an incredibly angry person. :eek:
and by the way, potaria,:upyours: :mp5:


:sniper:

Have you ever been called by a telemarketer during an inconvenient time, forgive the redundancy, and just talked to him or her, like say ," Sorry this is the city morgue." Or something like that?
Bleh.

Very simple fix. When they ask for Mr. or Mrs. Just say hang on let me get them. Put down the phone and go back to whatever it was you were doing at the time. Let if off the hook for 15 minutes or so. Teachs them. Also you could put yourself on the do not call list.

i am on the do not call list,but i still get calls. i attempt phone sex witht every male that callls my house. i will make a comment, like, "oh, god. your voice is sexy." and then its on. its always pretty funny. the girls that call, i will say something like- "you have a vibrator, right? then you know what its like to be interrupted at the most inconvienent time, then." fucking priceless.

i am on the do not call list,but i still get calls. i attempt phone sex witht every male that callls my house. i will make a comment, like, "oh, god. your voice is sexy." and then its on. its always pretty funny. the girls that call, i will say something like- "you have a vibrator, right? then you know what its like to be interrupted at the most inconvienent time, then." fucking priceless.
precisely why i nominated you for the nicest ns female contest. you're so "friendly." :fluffle:

precisely why i nominated you for the nicest ns female contest. you're so "friendly." :fluffle:
oh THAT was why. i thought it was that blow job. shit, i guess i will have to swallow next time.

oh THAT was why. i thought it was that blow job. shit, i guess i will have to swallow next time.
damn straight, you lazy monkey. but hey, i already returned that favor. and then some ;)

I dont like people...:upyours:
up yours, bitches!
:sniper:

I quite like the Jerry Seinfeld method

TM: I'm calling on behalf *blah blah blah*
Jerry: Sorry, I'm a little busy now. If you could give me your home number and I'll give you a call later.
TM: I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to do that.
Jerry: I guess you don't want people ringing you up at home right?
TM: Yeah.
Jerry: Well now you know how I feel
*hangs up*

Another good thing is just to put the phone right next to the stereo and play the loudest heavy metal song you can find. Cigaro by System Of A Down works a charm.

Ok, people. I was a telemarketer for two weeks and it's no fun. Soliciting donations is a good cause, but people do treat you like shit. But for another outlook, I needed a job in order to pay for stuff, not because I wanted to be yelled at! Just treat them maybe a little nicer when you pick up the phone.

Ok, people. I was a telemarketer for two weeks and it's no fun. Soliciting donations is a good cause, but people do treat you like shit. But for another outlook, I needed a job in order to pay for stuff, not because I wanted to be yelled at! Just treat them maybe a little nicer when you pick up the phone.

Mmmmmm.... no...
:D

*I'm just messing with you*

I feel like yelling "I CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH" then hanging up on them.

I feel like yelling "I CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH" then hanging up on them.

memorize the sentence:

"Tu est un oeuf de poisson" literally: "you are the egg of a fish"

and just repeat it louder and louder every time they try to talk until they hang up.

bonus points if they actually speak french

I gotta say-I sold my soul for a short unemployed period and did the telemarketer thing and most of this stuff is done to them on a daily basis. Pretty much doesn't phase 'em. Except for a few who single out your phone number for something else. Even the putting the phone down-it doesn't take that long for them to realise that you're not coming back.

The cruelist thing you can do to them is waste thier time. Each hang up, for them, brings them one minute closer to the call that will get them a sale. Dragging them along, putzing about-fiegned intrest-complex questions that might involve asking a supervisor or looking something up (and make the outcome a deal breaker)-thats what will drive them batshit. If you've strung those guys along for 30 minutes then bailed-that's a burn that will leave a mark. Though is likely to get them take down that number for later...but if you really want to get at 'em, thats the way.

The funniest thing I heard was an old man who interupted me to say, "Hey, I'm glad you called!" Stunned. "Really?" "Yep. 'Cause I'm not changing my service." Hung up. I put him on the do not call list as my secret goal was to get as many people as possible on the 'don't call again' list before I left. My little subversion....

Is that a reference to this (http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2003-12-03)? Because if it is, well done!

If not, well, I think you need to be a bit of a dick to stand working as a telemarketer...

lol ive spent the last week reading those comics :P

I personaly dont say anthing to them.... then see how long it take for them to hang up..... i acturaly have a score board and the longest one was 4:30 minuates.... heh. i work for a help desk so i get the half-witted general public you lot are a pain in the phone socket...

My favorite one I have heard of goes a little like this

Can I interest you in some car insurance?
cactus!!!!
exuse me?
cactus!!!!!
Um... sir what are you trying to say???
cactus!!!!
uh.. sir?
cactus

the telemarketer should hang up on you some where in that time period :p

I had this guy phone up trying to sell me a conservatory - i said I'd love one, and he was well chuffed - until I asked him how they were going to fit it to my 6th floor flat. :p

I tried that too for a week, and this job SUCKS! It's the most thankless job ever. I hated it and thus I quit quickly. Better unemployed than abused on a daily basis for meager payment.

Doing phone support is something else - I'd love doing that, helping people who want something from me. But the other way around - Never again!!! :eek:

I have two main types of telemarketing calls
1) IF you could replace any of your windows or doors for free how many would you change 2-5 or 6-10?
my usual reponse is none, they then say how free it is, I say no I like them as they are, they then ask about, soffits, facias, bargeboards, conservatories, I say no to each they generally get the message after 5 minuets of me saying no, none, no I like what I have.
2) *Indian Accent* mr ? (name mispronounced badly), me; no, Mr ?? same but louder, you are a customer of BT and we can save you money, Me I'm not, I havent been for 8 years, They then hang up.

What bugs me is there is never an apology, I don't swear at them either.

One I tend to use on Door to door sales.
Me; Do you consider your customers to be stupid?
salesperson; no
Me; then why dont you leave me to contact you, as i would have done if I was interested?

My favourite Doorstepper is Jehovas Witness'. I argue with them, All of them leave but promise to be back when they have looked something up, One had to be dragged away by his freind as he wanted to fight me :eek:

Ahh, I love an argument. :D

1. Phone telemarketers: I always keep them on the line as long as possible, and then don't buy anything.
2. Jehovah's Witnesses: They ask if I've found Jesus, and I say, "I didn't know he was missing." And then I call up the stairs saying, "Jesus, are you still upstairs?" The last time I did that they ran away.
3. Mormons: I've converted three young men to being closet Pentacostals who went back to Salt Lake City. Warning: if you send Mormons to me, I will convert them.

Well, Im not going to try to defend telemarketing - much. Ive been in the call centre industry now for close on 8 years, and I love my job. It is my responsibility to construct the lists that go into the telephony systems and then dial out - basically, I decide who gets rung and when they get rung.

After reading this thread, I have come to the conclusion that I must be evil - not only do I cause people to get these annoying phone calls, but I make the poor agents make the calls, and then they get the abuse from you guys.

On the upside, all of our agents are well trained and very polite - it is policy to ensure that they apologise for interupting people and try be as nice as possible. Being a dick doesnt help selling.

All I can say is - Its my job, and I love it - and it pays a SMEG LOAD of money.

Well, Im not going to try to defend telemarketing - much. Ive been in the call centre industry now for close on 8 years, and I love my job. It is my responsibility to construct the lists that go into the telephony systems and then dial out - basically, I decide who gets rung and when they get rung.

After reading this thread, I have come to the conclusion that I must be evil - not only do I cause people to get these annoying phone calls, but I make the poor agents make the calls, and then they get the abuse from you guys.

On the upside, all of our agents are well trained and very polite - it is policy to ensure that they apologise for interupting people and try be as nice as possible. Being a dick doesnt help selling.

All I can say is - Its my job, and I love it - and it pays a SMEG LOAD of money.
:upyours::upyours::upyours:you should burn in hell... :mp5:
:sniper:

:upyours::upyours::upyours:you should burn in hell... :mp5:
:sniper:

X'D
For what, drawing a paycheck?
What's the big deal?

X'D
For what, drawing a paycheck?
What's the big deal?
Those calls get annoying. i got one at two in the fucking morning asking if i needed a phone! :mad: what the fuck is with that!?! :mad:
:sniper:

Sure they're annoying - I get the same things (tho' usually for me, it's magazines).

But if people burnt in hell for being annoying, then I think approximately 100% of these boards' members are never going to see the Pearly Gates.

Again - what's the big deal with making a living doing telemarketing calls?

Sure they're annoying - I get the same things (tho' usually for me, it's magazines).

But if people burnt in hell for being annoying, then I think approximately 100% of these boards' members are never going to see the Pearly Gates.

Again - what's the big deal with making a living doing telemarketing calls?
But at two in the morning, asking if i need a PHONE
:sniper:

Two in the morning is inexcusable.

Still.

Hellfire? ;)

Two in the morning is inexcusable.

Still.

Hellfire? ;)
Yes, HELLFIRE! The Anyone that calls at two in the morning should burn forever! :mad:
:sniper:

Well, I must say that Im impressed - I didnt expect a response that quickly.

I must say, Im sorry if you received a call at that time of the morning - A big part of my job is to find the best time to call people and to avoid upset - if I was planning the schedules and I called a reagion at 1 or 2 of the morning (local times) I would get shot the next day. We have a very strict policy of when we call any time zone - not from any moralistic point of view, but from a business one - if we call someone at a stupid time, they will be a LOT less likely to buy our product.

Again, in defence of the guys on the phone - we all have a job to do, and I did it when I was younger. They are just trying to earn themselves money. We have a lot of students/single parents working for us (we try to offer flexible hours wherever possible) and they tend to be based partially on commision. Keeping them on the phone when you have no intention of buying is childish, as is some of the abuse we get. Not a week goes by when I dont have the fun task of either consoling an upset agent or tracking down a custoemr and deleting them from our records.

We all have a job to do. The services we provide are good for some people (otherwise we wouldnt exist) although not for others.

Try doing my job for a couple of weeks:) - Step into the other persons boots as it were.

Well, I must say that Im impressed - I didnt expect a response that quickly.

I must say, Im sorry if you received a call at that time of the morning - A big part of my job is to find the best time to call people and to avoid upset - if I was planning the schedules and I called a reagion at 1 or 2 of the morning (local times) I would get shot the next day. We have a very strict policy of when we call any time zone - not from any moralistic point of view, but from a business one - if we call someone at a stupid time, they will be a LOT less likely to buy our product.

Again, in defence of the guys on the phone - we all have a job to do, and I did it when I was younger. They are just trying to earn themselves money. We have a lot of students/single parents working for us (we try to offer flexible hours wherever possible) and they tend to be based partially on commision. Keeping them on the phone when you have no intention of buying is childish, as is some of the abuse we get. Not a week goes by when I dont have the fun task of either consoling an upset agent or tracking down a custoemr and deleting them from our records.

We all have a job to do. The services we provide are good for some people (otherwise we wouldnt exist) although not for others.

Try doing my job for a couple of weeks:) - Step into the other persons boots as it were.
The time thing i can understand. But the guy asked me if I needed to buy a phone. Think about that. And if I had your job, personally, I'd blow my fucking brains out first.
:sniper:

After reading this thread, I have come to the conclusion that I must be evil - not only do I cause people to get these annoying phone calls, but I make the poor agents make the calls, and then they get the abuse from you guys.

If you're not someone I know, and you call me uninvited, that's abuse.

Since your agents are abusing me, I have every right to make the phone call last as long as possible - once up to over an hour - so that their time is completely wasted.

As for a smeg load of money, my billable rate is 240 dollars an hour. I should bill your company for every minute of time that they talk to me.

memorize the sentence:

"Tu est un oeuf de poisson" literally: "you are the egg of a fish"

and just repeat it louder and louder every time they try to talk until they hang up.

bonus points if they actually speak french

I hope that you have at least studied french if you speak english. If you try to say that sentence without knowing how to pronounce it (and pronounce it thus in an english way), no frenchman will understand you.

If you're not someone I know, and you call me uninvited, that's abuse.

Since your agents are abusing me, I have every right to make the phone call last as long as possible - once up to over an hour - so that their time is completely wasted.

As for a smeg load of money, my billable rate is 240 dollars an hour. I should bill your company for every minute of time that they talk to me.

only an hour? thats nothin'. i had a guy on the phone for three hours and still didnt buy what he was trying to sell.
:sniper:

Actually, we are legally covered as we do not "cold call" Every preson we call has agreed in one way or another to be contacted by us - the forms you get with your bills, or whenever you sign up to any deal often has those wonderful little tick boxes on them, saying "Tick here if you do not wish to be called by XXXXX or any associated company".

If you dont tick them, its legally (here at least) an invited call. However, should you indicate upon calling that you do not wish to be contacted by us again, we are happy to add you to our exclusion list which would ensure you are never called again.

So its not abuse, and as its an invited call (with your signature attached) we would be within our rights to call you.

We do not wish to upset, abuse or annoy any potential customer - we only seek to offer our services to our mutual gain.

BTW, I agree with you about cold calling - or anyone who is not following the relevant laws. In my country (UK) you can join the TPS - telephone preferance service, and once on it you would not be dialled by any direct marketing company. And I think that is fair and proper, as no one should have contact that they would deem obstructive.

We do not wish to upset, abuse or annoy any potential customer - we only seek to offer our services to our mutual gain.

BTW, I agree with you about cold calling - or anyone who is not following the relevant laws. In my country (UK) you can join the TPS - telephone preferance service, and once on it you would not be dialled by any direct marketing company. And I think that is fair and proper, as no one should have contact that they would deem obstructive.

In the US, I'm on the Do Not Call registry - and I still get cold calls. I am quite careful not to indicate on any form that I wish to be contacted.

:eek: gee, i never thought of that....Duh! :mad:

ya know, im an incredibly angry person. :eek:
and by the way, potaria,:upyours: :mp5: you should burn in hell... I dont like people...:upyours:
up yours, bitches!
:sniper:
Being an incredibly angry person does not give you license to flame on NationStates, Mister Moose. Knock it off now or find some other forum that doesn't give a damn. We do.

By the way, you'll find that while everyone has the same smileys available, most polite people don't use the "sniper" and "upyours" very often, as they are branded as rude and not worth responding to. Smiley spam is also on the list of forbidden actions here, and you're skating in that general direction. I'd advise you to stop using them in every post.

~ Frisbeeteria ~
NationStates Forum Moderator

Yes, HELLFIRE! The Anyone that calls at two in the morning should burn forever! :mad:
:sniper:
Anyone? what if it is something important

for a time we were subscribed to the LA Times and now that we have cancled the call on what seems like a daily basis (every few days really some times mutiple times a day) and I usually just ignore it or pick up the phone and then hang up :P ^_^

Just ask them to explain every single thing they advertise, how it works, how much, the advantages of buying from them etc.... then when they get started, leave the phone on the desk and go have dinner!

Whoa, that guy had an attitude problem! I would've Star 69'ed his ass and insulted his mother.
*69 doesn't work on the phone systems used by most telemarketers.

Just ask them to explain every single thing they advertise, how it works, how much, the advantages of buying from them etc.... then when they get started, leave the phone on the desk and go have dinner!

Since my last name is Korean, I pretend I have a hard time speaking English, and also pretend that I'm hard of hearing. It takes about 15 minutes just to verify that I'm the "head of household".

The hard part is not laughing while I'm doing the accent.

Being an incredibly angry person does not give you license to flame on NationStates, Mister Moose. Knock it off now or find some other forum that doesn't give a damn. We do.

By the way, you'll find that while everyone has the same smileys available, most polite people don't use the "sniper" and "upyours" very often, as they are branded as rude and not worth responding to. Smiley spam is also on the list of forbidden actions here, and you're skating in that general direction. I'd advise you to stop using them in every post.

~ Frisbeeteria ~
NationStates Forum Moderator
Sorry about that. I'll keep my anger under control. And the sniper smiley is not meant to be rude, I just use it as a signature.(Plus it's a way to honor my grandfather who was a sniper in WW2 and died)

Anyone? what if it is something important
Only if its not important