NationStates Jolt Archive


It's the end of the world! Oops, a little bit off...

Neo-Anarchists
29-03-2005, 23:10
http://www.bible.ca/pre-date-setters.htm

That page is awesome. It's a collection of predictions for the end-times. Such interesting end-times predictions as these:
1982:
It was all going to end in 1982, when the planets lined up and created magnetic forces that would bring Armageddon to the earth.
http://www.bible.ca/pre-planets-line-up-1982.jpg
"Scientists are forecasting that soon our solar system will experience some unique and sobering events. This forecast concerning 1982 comes from the scientific investigations of astronomers and is in no way related to astrology and fortune telling. The news is quoted from the September 16, 1974 edition of "Newsweek" magazine, science section. These are the conclusions of John Gribbin, science editor of "Nature" magazine, and of Stephen Plagemann of NASA's Goddard Space Center in Maryland. These reputable scientists are pointing out that in the latter part of 1982 there will take place an event unique in our solar system. At that time all nine planets will be on the same side of the sun. That happens once every 179 years, but in 1982 the nine planets will not only be on the same side of the sun, but in perfect alignment. "Newsweek" referred to this situation as "An Apocalyptic Prediction:' In the book that these men have co-authored, "The Jupiter Effect", they point out that, just as the moon affects earth tides by its gravitational pull, so do the planets affect each other, and particularly Jupiter, because of its great size. This has been linked to the earthquake frequency on our planet earth. What will happen when all the planets come into one line and exert a united gravitational pull on our earth? These scientists speak of eight probable effects: 1) A disturbed magnetic activity in the sun, producing huge firestorms; 2) That the ionosphere of earth will be changed; 3) That radio and television communications will be disrupted; 4) That there will be weird lighting effects from aurora borealis; 5) There will be vast changes in wind patterns; 6) Rainfall and temperature patterns will change; 7) Earth's rotation, and the length of the days may change; 8) Many earthquakes will occur. "There will be many earthquakes, large and small... and one region where one of the greatest fault systems lies today, under great strain, long overdue for a giant leap forward, and just waiting for the necessary kick, is California." This is the frightening, apocalyptic vision of the scientists as quoted in "Newsweek." (Evangelical Tract Distributors, Edmonton, Alta., Canada)"
1988:
http://www.bible.ca/pre-666-end-1988.gif
ANNOUNCING... "ONE OF THE MOST ASTOUNDING BOOKS OF THE GENERATION." Colin Deal, Author of best-seller. Christ Returns by 1988. "When Your money fails" "This book will prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are in the last moments of time. It is a catalog of fascinating facts. This extraordinary and explosive HANDBOOK OF THE END TIME may well be the means of the preservation of you and your family." Rev. Simon Polar Cameron, Founder/ President, Now Hope Bible College (Faith Acres), Peterhead, Scotland. WORLD WIDE MONEYCARD 666 110 205 419 386 968 Your FINAL CARD and NUMBER Is Ready! Is Assigned! Date U.S. plans to insert MARK on body. The Head/Hand Scan Machines are ready! Learn how YOU and others are NOW using the -666 SYSTEM,- including MASTERCARD, VISA, SEARS, PENNEYS, BELKS, Supermarkets, U.S. Government, European Common Market, Sadat. etc. "This book offers proof that we are in the initial stages of the Final Government System.'' Colin Deal, Author of best-seller. Christ Returns by 1988. "The dollar will be rendered utterly worthless. probably within 3 years." J.F. Smith. The Coming Currency Collapse. "HANDBOOK OF THE END TIME" Rev. Simon Pelar Cameron "THE DOLLAR WILL BE CANCELLED." Willard Cantelon
Roxacola
29-03-2005, 23:24
Nothing this year? Drat. I guess I'll have to study for exams after all.
Super-power
29-03-2005, 23:26
Don't you guys know that this (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/end.php) will be the end of the world?
Ashmoria
29-03-2005, 23:28
put those books away, its ending next week sometime

i was seeing on the news recently that one of those elderly apostate morman polygamist prophets died. the guy who had supplanted him has predicted the end of the world on april 6th or 7th, i cant quite remember

so enjoy the world while it lasts and remember to repent before next wednesday.
Vetalia
29-03-2005, 23:31
Don't you guys know that this will be the end of the world?

Apparently Jesus came back last year...
AHHH MOTHERLAND!
Super-power
29-03-2005, 23:32
Apparently Jesus came back last year...
AHHH MOTHERLAND!
Actually I think the most realistic armageddon scenario would probably be a la Dr. Strangelove.
Mein Fuehrer! I can walk!
Roxacola
29-03-2005, 23:34
In that case I will begin repenting immediately.

I'm sorry I didn't mention how cool the webpage is before going for easy jokes. I knew about a few of the bigger ones, but I'd never seen a list like that.
Neo-Anarchists
29-03-2005, 23:48
put those books away, its ending next week sometime

i was seeing on the news recently that one of those elderly apostate morman polygamist prophets died. the guy who had supplanted him has predicted the end of the world on april 6th or 7th, i cant quite remember

so enjoy the world while it lasts and remember to repent before next wednesday.
April 7th, you say?
Well, we had a pretty good run.
New Genoa
29-03-2005, 23:53
End of the world will be Tuesday.

-God.
Feminist Cat Women
30-03-2005, 00:48
Whilst calculating the AD calandar the scholars missed 7 yrs out so it is now 2012. (as taught in my religious education class)

hence my scepticism of the 2000 milenium "doom" predictions. If the 2000'th anaversiry was going to be the end it would have happened in 1993.

Besides which, the anti christ is supposed to rule for 1000 yrs before god returns to earth to reclaim his good souls. Sincd my mother says i was an immaculate conception (therefor the antichrist, there are only 2 of these births), i order you all to bow down and worship your true master! :D
Roxacola
30-03-2005, 00:54
None of that is what I was taught in my religious studies: the end times class, but I would rather make light of the possible end of the world than nitpick on assorted beliefs. But if it's all the same to you, I'll keep my worshipping limited to caffeinated beverages.
New Genoa
30-03-2005, 00:56
Besides which, the anti christ is supposed to rule for 1000 yrs before god returns to earth to reclaim his good souls. Sincd my mother says i was an immaculate conception (therefor the antichrist, there are only 2 of these births), i order you all to bow down and worship your true master! :D

No.
Super-power
30-03-2005, 00:59
I order you all to bow down and worship your true master! :D
Nevah
Dementedus_Yammus
30-03-2005, 01:02
this one has got to be my favorite:

According to The Church of !BLAIR!, the human race will probably be terminated at 3:28 AM (Soho, England time) 2047, SEP. 14!. The church teaches, with tongue firmly in cheek, that if the human race does not discard their plastic conformity, then the Gods will withdraw their protection. The Gods don't want us to worship them; they don't want sacrifices or even offerings. They just want us to rid itself of our excessive "Normalcy". At that point, Astro-Lemurs (extra-terrestrials similar in shape to lemurs, but with rainbow colored bodies) will attack the entire human race and beat them to death with gigantic burritos. You have been warned. ;-)
Red Tide2
30-03-2005, 01:02
Whilst calculating the AD calandar the scholars missed 7 yrs out so it is now 2012. (as taught in my religious education class)


You know whats scary about that? The Mayans and the Bible Code also predict the end of the world in... guess when? 2012!!!! GAH! WE ARE DOOMED! And according to the bible code it will be by a giant comet! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Armed Bookworms
30-03-2005, 01:05
Not according to this guy. (http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=JPost/JPArticle/ShowFull&cid=1111980180248)


Koran scholar: US will cease to exist in 2007


A thorough analysis of the Koran reveals that the US will cease to exist in the year 2007, according to research published by Palestinian scholar Ziad Silwadi.

The study, which has caught the attention of millions of Muslims worldwide, is based on in-depth interpretations of various verses in the Koran. It predicts that the US will be hit by a tsunami larger than that which recently struck southeast Asia.

"The tsunami waves are a minor rehearsal in comparison with what awaits the US in 2007," the researcher concluded in his study. "The Holy Koran warns against the Omnipotent Allah's force. A great sin will cause a huge flood in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans."

Silwadi, who is from the village of Silwad near Ramallah – the home of Hamas leader Khaled Mashaal – is not a world-renowned scholar. He said he decided to publish the findings of his research "out of a sense of responsibility because what is about to happen is extremely shocking and frightening."
.
.
.
Silwadi said his study of the Koran showed that the US would perish mainly because of its great sins against mankind, including the Native Americans and blacks.

"As soon as the Europeans started arriving in the new world discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1492, they declared a war on the so-called Red Indians, the legitimate owners of the land," he wrote. "Then they began enslaving and humiliating Africans after kidnapping them from their countries and bringing them to America. Millions of blacks were brought to the US and treated with unprecedented harshness. Those who became ill during the journey were thrown overboard to feed the fish."

Silwadi pointed out that the US continued to commit war crimes and "ethnic cleansing" against humanity by becoming the first country to use nuclear weapons during World War II.

"International law penalizes such crimes," he said. "If these laws were not applied then, they are certainly implemented in heaven. If no one on earth is capable of punishing [the US], Allah was and remains able to do so. All these actions have been documented by Allah in a big archive called the Koran."

The irony being that the arabs started trading in african slaves first and stopped last. http://husky1.stmarys.ca/~wmills/course316/16Slave_Trades.html
Nonconformitism
30-03-2005, 01:14
Whilst calculating the AD calandar the scholars missed 7 yrs out so it is now 2012. (as taught in my religious education class)

hence my scepticism of the 2000 milenium "doom" predictions. If the 2000'th anaversiry was going to be the end it would have happened in 1993.

Besides which, the anti christ is supposed to rule for 1000 yrs before god returns to earth to reclaim his good souls. Sincd my mother says i was an immaculate conception (therefor the antichrist, there are only 2 of these births), i order you all to bow down and worship your true master! :D
anti christ only rules for seven years(an obvious reference that other religions are evil), so looks like you time is short
Feminist Cat Women
30-03-2005, 01:41
Posted by new genoa

No.

Ha! i shall smite you down you infidel! (If i can be bothered) ;)

You know whats scary about that? The Mayans and the Bible Code also predict the end of the world in... guess when? 2012!!!! GAH! WE ARE DOOMED! And according to the bible code it will be by a giant comet!

I dont much like commets. i shall save you from these until i have done with your kind. My father much perfers you in hell where you can stoke his firers (he gets cold easily)

anti christ only rules for seven years(an obvious reference that other religions are evil), so looks like you time is short

HA! So they would have you believe, little minnion of goodness! i shall always be here, i have always been here, and i shall continue to corrupt your tiny minds with my evil.

However, even the anti-christ must sleep and i'm wacked.

i shall be back to reek my havoc soon.

Bow down and prey to your she-devil! ;)