NationStates Jolt Archive


Need some advice

South Osettia
29-03-2005, 09:38
Okay, my parents have gone on holiday for the week, and left me, age 16, and my sister, age 17, alone in the house. I have been left with the responsibility of looking after everything, because my parents do not trust my sister. They left early yesterday morning, and so Monday was our first day alone. Twas all good until about 6pm, when a few of my sister's friends turned up and they started having a party in the kitchen. I was stuck in the living room until 10pm when I went to bed. I felt ill during the night and couldn't get to sleep until about 2am, because of this party. This morning, I woke up to find cans of beer, empty bottles of wine, a suspiciously sticky floor, a lot of washing up, a very full bin and lights that now do not work. I've cleared up the mess and am now sitting here waiting for my sister and her friend (who slept over) to wake up, undoubtedly suffering from hangovers.

Here is my problem. My parents said before they left that, if my sister's friend was sick in the house, they'd kick her out. This is obviousy a little more than just being sick - the kitcken was in complete disarray. Do I tell my parents, meaning the chances of her being kicked out are quite high, do I forget it, or do I do something else. Bear in mind that my sister has been the biggest burden on my parents for the past few years, and that talking to her never usually works. What should I do? Any suggestions?

EDIT: This is not one of my lateral thinking problems, so please, serious suggestions.
Robbopolis
29-03-2005, 09:42
Quite frankly, it sounds as if your sister has had this coming for a while now. Call your folks. This isn't your responsibility.
South Osettia
29-03-2005, 09:51
BTW calling them is out of the question - they're in Egypt at the moment. Anything that will happen will not happen for at least a week, when they get back, or until they call me, which will be unlikely.

Thank you Robbopolis, I will take this on board. :)
New Sancrosanctia
29-03-2005, 09:56
first of all, i think you shoudl've tried to make her clean it, if you could. it's her mess. and if she doesn't ever clean it, then it's still there when your parents get home, and the problem kind of solves itself.
JRV
29-03-2005, 09:56
Cover for her now. Ask for favors later ;)
South Osettia
29-03-2005, 09:59
first of all, i think you shoudl've tried to make her clean it, if you could. it's her mess. and if she doesn't ever clean it, then it's still there when your parents get home, and the problem kind of solves itself.

Talking rarely works.

I'm a very clean person, and I don't think I could stand living in the house if it wa sas dirty as this morning. It's some kind of compulsive thing. Anyway, there's planty of opportunity for this to happen again (woe is me), so I might try this if it happens again. Thanks.
Helioterra
29-03-2005, 10:03
I'd not tell if she doesn't do it again. (and does some favor to you because you cleaned her mess. I wouldn't have done it.) Having a party at home when your parents are away is not the worst crime in my book. I did it all the time.

and btw if your parents do not trust your sister why on earth did they leave you alone? Not very good parenting IMO.
Buben
29-03-2005, 10:05
Take pictures of the mess then as proof of her ill tidings, but still dont take the wrap for here, maybe a week or two of sleeping on friends couchs could wake here up to reality!
Concordiania
29-03-2005, 10:06
Your sister obviously dont care about you much.

If you are acting in loco parentis just act loco and kick her out.

Your sister deserves it and your parents do for leaving you in charge.
South Osettia
29-03-2005, 10:10
and btw if your parents do not trust your sister why on earth did they leave you alone? Not very good parenting IMO.

They left me at home because they think I am responsible enough to look after the house. They were counting on the fact that my sister is rarely at home anyway, and that that would not change whilst they were away. I was told every single little piece of information I needed to know, and I was left several phone numbers to ring in emergencies, and I have a neighbour who could sort things out if something drastic went wrong. My parents are the best parents I could ever have wished for, and they would definitely not have left me at home by myself if they didn't think I was mature enough to deal with it - in fact, it was me who told them to leave me and go on holiday, because they deserve it. Do not question my parents without knowing who they are; you have no right.
Adrian Barbeau-Bot
29-03-2005, 10:18
assuming your parents would believe you if you told them a few months down the line, this is what i would suggest. tell her flat out "you can clean the mess up, and i wont say anything at all, or you can let me clean it up and i'll have this whole thing that i could use against you at any point, should you ever make fuck me over like this again."

thats what i would say, you would probably get a better reaction if you used your own words.
South Osettia
29-03-2005, 10:20
I did say I've already cleared up. The binmen come today, and they don't com again until next Monday. I thought I'd get it out for today's collection.
Helioterra
29-03-2005, 10:23
They left me at home because they think I am responsible enough to look after the house. They were counting on the fact that my sister is rarely at home anyway, and that that would not change whilst they were away. I was told every single little piece of information I needed to know, and I was left several phone numbers to ring in emergencies, and I have a neighbour who could sort things out if something drastic went wrong. My parents are the best parents I could ever have wished for, and they would definitely not have left me at home by myself if they didn't think I was mature enough to deal with it - in fact, it was me who told them to leave me and go on holiday, because they deserve it. Do not question my parents without knowing who they are; you have no right.
I ment leave you BOTH alone. I believe you're mature enough but obviously your sister isn't. They should not have left her alone.

edit: I don't want to be mean but threatening to kick a 17 year old out of her home is not good parenting either.
Adrian Barbeau-Bot
29-03-2005, 10:24
I did say I've already cleared up. The binmen come today, and they don't com again until next Monday. I thought I'd get it out for today's collection.

ah, ok.. still, blackmail is always useful. she might act like she doesnt care, but she'll fear being kicked out, and she shouldnt treat you this way anymore.
See u Jimmy
29-03-2005, 10:26
To me that you have started this thread would indicate either you want to kick her out but don't want the responsibility of it, OR and I think from your posts this is more likely, you don't want her out.

if you love her and dont want her kicked out, then cover for her but, tell her you pissed off with what she did. Try not to antagonise her at the same time.
Bear in mind the saying "theres none as blind as those who won't see", If you get her would up she wont listen to what you say, It's a hard trick but it will help all through life if you can get it.

Many teenage rebels sort themselves out and become better people once they realise the pain they have caused, spending lots of time and energy trying to make up for it all. In a few years your sister will be in her own place and have to do it all herself, in the mean time, why don't you get some freinds around?

A house full of girls, could be fun if you let it.
Helennia
29-03-2005, 10:44
It sounds to me as though you don't want your sister to be kicked out.
Personally, I would have left a sign on her door saying "Clean the Kitchen When You Wake Up" in big, fluorescent letters and gone out for the day.
I'd tell your sister that you can't always cover for her, and that she has to learn to clean up after herself because that's just disgusting.
Ro-Ro
29-03-2005, 10:54
I think you should probably wait and see what happens during the rest of the time when your parents are away, seeing as you can't reach them atm. It's definitely not fair that you have to cover and clean for her - but as a little sister, I know talking to her won't achieve anything. If, by freak of nature or something, she apologises or anything like that, then you should probably consider it finished - I know you probably don't want to stir things up within your family or anything. But if not, you should tell you parents in a kind of matter-of-fact way. If you don't, they'll probably find out somehow eventually; then they'll be mad at you for not telling them, and you haven't done anything wrong. They might not kick her out (obviously I don't know your family or anything, so you know about that waaaay better than me; I don't mean to sound like I know enough to judge), but might do something serious enough to make her think twice. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out okay, and that you feel better soon.
Eichen
29-03-2005, 11:04
I'm not that much older than you (add a decade or so)...

But I wouldn't trust a kid your age with my dog.

You must be a good kid if your parents are leaving the house to you.

But your sister? It's obvious that she's more wild than you are. How are you going to control her? :)
Monkeypimp
29-03-2005, 11:12
Blackmail, Blackmail, Blackmail.
Keelar
29-03-2005, 11:13
Blackmail, Blackmail, Blackmail.

I agree completely. It seems rather cruel, but I say it's fair since she basically made you her little work monkey. Fair is fair.
Riptide Monzarc
29-03-2005, 11:19
Here is some advice: Talk to your neighbor. Don't ask for advice on an internet forum. Oh, and you shouldn't coddle your sister. It will make it much harder for her when she has to move out on her own in five or ten years. (Yes, I know she's 17)
Inebri-Nation
29-03-2005, 11:20
shes your sister! - brothers take care of their sisters - even if they are older - just get mad at her and help her clean up
Eichen
29-03-2005, 11:27
shes your sister! - brothers take care of their sisters - even if they are older - just get mad at her and help her clean up
There's an abnormally large amount of single chi8ldren on internet forums.

Do what u got to.
Harlesburg
29-03-2005, 11:44
Blackmail Et Cetera she is OWN3D!!!1! Dammit use it while you can!
Novus Arcadia
29-03-2005, 12:00
As to that house full of girls comment, there's really no realistic hope of anything happening there, seeing that they are your sister's friends and your sister will be there.

I think it is best that you be entirely honest with your parents if she is obnoxious and disrespectful -- she would be getting what she deserves for speaking obnoxiously to you. If she is not obnoxious and truly sorry, I would suggest blackmail.

So, if she's obnoxious, go ahead and rat: it'll give her valuable experience. If she's really, really sorry for what she did . . . blackmail.
Novus Arcadia
29-03-2005, 12:03
I'm sixteen as well - I promise you my ideas are always the very best you can find. ;) :D
Umlilo
29-03-2005, 16:37
Your sister didn't treat you with respect. That leaves one alternative.

BLACKMAIL

( take pictures if it happens again )
Ashmoria
29-03-2005, 17:24
you are in an utterly unfair position. i know you dont want criticism of your parents but it is unfair of them to put you in a spot where you are responsible for your sister. you cant control her and its wrong to put you in a spot where your ratting her out gets her tossed out of the house ( i assume that they told her that they would kick her out if she misbehaved so that you would have some leverage over her)

as long as it doesnt get worse, just keep it to yourself. have a talk with your sister and see if you cant get her to back off having her friends over. dont feel that you have to be the informer. if she stays away or actually manages to behave herself. just let it go.

if it gets worse you are going to have to tell your parents. remeber, its their problem not yours. you sister will be bringing it on herself.

oh and if her friends come over like that again, call your neighbor over and see if they cant be tossed out before it gets out of hand. you dont need to put up with that shit.
Legless Pirates
29-03-2005, 17:26
No one likes a rat
Carnivorous Lickers
29-03-2005, 17:31
They left me at home because they think I am responsible enough to look after the house. They were counting on the fact that my sister is rarely at home anyway, and that that would not change whilst they were away. I was told every single little piece of information I needed to know, and I was left several phone numbers to ring in emergencies, and I have a neighbour who could sort things out if something drastic went wrong. My parents are the best parents I could ever have wished for, and they would definitely not have left me at home by myself if they didn't think I was mature enough to deal with it - in fact, it was me who told them to leave me and go on holiday, because they deserve it. Do not question my parents without knowing who they are; you have no right.


Your sister is rarely home because your parents are usually there. And now that her friends know, there will be parties everyday. Your sister is putting you and your parents in a really bad position. I dont know where you live, but in the United States, your parents are assuming a tremendous liability. If something happens to an underage minor on their property, they are going to pay the price. And if there are under age minors drinking alcohol in your home, your parents could face severe problems. its not like it was 25 yrs ago when I was doing it-the legal system has changed this drastically. If one of these keds gets drunk and has an accident-everyone involved will be suing your parents and their insurance co for all they are worth.
Burgman-Allen
29-03-2005, 18:07
There's no easy answer. I live with my two sisters, and I know they respect me enough not to throw loud parties, make a mess, and not clean up. Your sister obviously doesn't care about being responsible for her actions. You're in a difficult position. Your sister knew what would happen. Throwing a party is not bad...throwing a party where everyone gets drunk and trashes the house is something completely different. I know you're younger than she is; she's probably not used to you taking a stand...you have to draw the line somewhere. You can't go around picking up after her. Talk to her first, that's important. She probably doesn't think you will tell on her. She's underestimating you and (in my opinion) abusing your love for her. Make sure she knows where you're coming from. If you let her know that you are not going to tolorate taking her shit, she'll have had her warning...if she does it again, you do exactly what you said you would and it's her problem... she has to face the consequences. She has to grow up some time.
South Osettia
29-03-2005, 18:12
Good news: the lights are now working (I got my neighbour to fix them), and I found the measuring jug. Turns out my sister put it in the cupboard under the hob when she washed it yesterday - it's supposed to go in the corner cupboard.
Willamena
29-03-2005, 18:18
Okay, my parents have gone on holiday for the week, and left me, age 16, and my sister, age 17, alone in the house. I have been left with the responsibility of looking after everything, because my parents do not trust my sister. They left early yesterday morning, and so Monday was our first day alone. Twas all good until about 6pm, when a few of my sister's friends turned up and they started having a party in the kitchen. I was stuck in the living room until 10pm when I went to bed. I felt ill during the night and couldn't get to sleep until about 2am, because of this party. This morning, I woke up to find cans of beer, empty bottles of wine, a suspiciously sticky floor, a lot of washing up, a very full bin and lights that now do not work. I've cleared up the mess and am now sitting here waiting for my sister and her friend (who slept over) to wake up, undoubtedly suffering from hangovers.

Here is my problem. My parents said before they left that, if my sister's friend was sick in the house, they'd kick her out. This is obviousy a little more than just being sick - the kitcken was in complete disarray. Do I tell my parents, meaning the chances of her being kicked out are quite high, do I forget it, or do I do something else. Bear in mind that my sister has been the biggest burden on my parents for the past few years, and that talking to her never usually works. What should I do? Any suggestions?

EDIT: This is not one of my lateral thinking problems, so please, serious suggestions.
I think you did everything right and should tell your parents about it. Full disclosure, that's a part of the responsibility you bear. After that, it is out of your hands.
Garthman
29-03-2005, 18:23
I ment leave you BOTH alone. I believe you're mature enough but obviously your sister isn't. They should not have left her alone.

edit: I don't want to be mean but threatening to kick a 17 year old out of her home is not good parenting either.

but some people just take it to far. 17 is old enough to get a job and a place of your own. also it isnt always the parents fault because there are a lot of unsavoury people at school's nowadays who can affect and change a person quite quickley. a sharp shock with getting kicked out for longterm will get results, either that or die.
Cogitation
29-03-2005, 18:27
Your sister is rarely home because your parents are usually there. And now that her friends know, there will be parties everyday. Your sister is putting you and your parents in a really bad position. I dont know where you live, but in the United States, your parents are assuming a tremendous liability. If something happens to an underage minor on their property, they are going to pay the price. And if there are under age minors drinking alcohol in your home, your parents could face severe problems. its not like it was 25 yrs ago when I was doing it-the legal system has changed this drastically. If one of these keds gets drunk and has an accident-everyone involved will be suing your parents and their insurance co for all they are worth.
I have to concur with "Carnivorous Lickers". You need serious help.

If you think your neighbor is trustworthy, then talk to him/her and explain your problem. Have your neighbor help you throw out your sisters friends the next time they come over. Talk to your neighbor about when you should decide to call the police.

If this happens again, then take any pictures you need as proof and show them to your parents as soon as they get back. Until your parents get back, keep the pictures in a locked box, a safe if you have one, or ask your neighbor to hold onto them for you.

I do not recommend resorting to blackmail. Theoretically speaking, blackmail is only effective if she doesn't want to risk your parents finding out. Of course, your parents will know that you blackmailed your sister if you carry out the blackmail threat weeks or months after they get back; "Why didn't you tell us about this sooner?". In any event, you know your own parents better than I do, but I don't imagine that they would take kindly to you practicing blackmail against your own sister, even given your sisters failings.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of Ambrosia
Randomea
29-03-2005, 18:34
If you're worried just leave a message at your parent's hotel, or if it's a cruise, to the tour company.
Something along the lines 'Sis drank quite a bit here last night, I cleared up, she's fine. Don't worry, just thought you should know.' If they don't get the hint from that....
Carnivorous Lickers
29-03-2005, 18:34
They left me at home because they think I am responsible enough to look after the house. They were counting on the fact that my sister is rarely at home anyway, and that that would not change whilst they were away. I was told every single little piece of information I needed to know, and I was left several phone numbers to ring in emergencies, and I have a neighbour who could sort things out if something drastic went wrong. My parents are the best parents I could ever have wished for, and they would definitely not have left me at home by myself if they didn't think I was mature enough to deal with it - in fact, it was me who told them to leave me and go on holiday, because they deserve it. Do not question my parents without knowing who they are; you have no right.

I'm also thinking that this neighbor is aware of whats going on too. 17 year old girls are generally not the most stealthy, especially when drinking beer and wine.
The Tribes Of Longton
29-03-2005, 18:42
BTW calling them is out of the question - they're in Egypt at the moment.
LOL! My parents were just in egypt for the week! :)

But seriously, about the question. Don't tell your parents, but casually inform your sister of the fact that she had a party with lots of alcohol while you were ill in bed and so UNABLE TO STOP HER, hence it is her fault and you could do nothing. Then, proceed to keep quiet about it until she does something to piss you off. Then - blackmail. I know, harsh. But between siblings, I actually think it's legal....yes, legal ;)

That's what I did to my older sis when I discovered she was getting drunk in town when she said she was 'at a friend's house'.
South Osettia
29-03-2005, 18:47
Well, my sister went out earlier and has not come back since. I don't think it will happen again, at least not tonight.

Tomorrow I am having friends over, so things should be okay. On Thursday, I am out for the night, so I really couldn't care. Friday-Sunday should be fine. On the whole I think the crisis has been overted, and it's now just a case of what I tell my parents when they finally get home.