NationStates Jolt Archive

[WARINING: Contains spoilers]

Spoil a film for one and all, reveal how it ends, tell the people about a critical plot twist, suck the enjoyment out of a film that somebody hasn't seen yet.

I'll go first:

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back - Darth Vader is Luke's father.

Citizen Kane:

It's his sled! Rosebud is the name of his sled!

The Ring Two: Only mildly sucks.

The Sixth Sense/The Others:


It turns out he/they where DEAD!

Bladerunner: Deckard's a Replicant! (Don't try and deny it).

War of the Worlds
Germs kill the aliens. simple bacteria.

Armageddon: the father dies in the end.

The Usual Suspects: It was the gimp.

Cannabal Women of the Avocado Jungle of Death.

It was all a plot by the US government to destroy the Avocado Jungle and turn the women into... socialites...

Planet of The Apes (Origional) - It turns out the Planet of The Apes is actually Earth in the future.

Planet of The Apes (New version) - It turns out that the script writter was pissed when they wrote it. :D

Planet of The Apes - It turns out the Planet of The Apes is actually Earth in the future.
oi not if its tim burton planet of the apes, thats something to do with a space station and time warps and mat damon and...... (ahhh feck it makes no sense)

Bambi THE MOTHER DIES, ITS WELL GOOD (cant rember the rest)

Signs: The aliens are weak ass and can be defeated with a combination of baseball bat and cups of water.

Titanic: It sinks.

Saw: The villain is the corpse that's lying with them all the time. He can be seen in one of the hospital scenes as a dying patient the doctor is showing to his students.

Memento: He told the cop some time ago and now the cop's using him as his own private assassin.

Ray - Ray Charles plays some more piano

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert:

It turns out that not only is Tick/Mitzi married, but he also has a child and that's why they all have to go to Alice Springs. Bob and Bernadette fall in love and stay in Alice Springs, while Tick/Mitzi, his kid and Adam/Felicia take the bus back to Sydney where they all live happily ever after, doing ABBA shows.

Vanilla Sky: He ends up realizing that he had been cryogenically frozen and his whole life/experience had just been a nightmare.

Bambi THE MOTHER DIES, ITS WELL GOOD (cant rember the rest)WHAT! That's not true... she left him so that he could grow up big and strong... noooooooo!

Titanic: It sinks.

best spoiler ever!

Saving Private Ryan: Ryan grows old, wears saggy pants, and cries at gravesites.

The Game: It's all fake!

Star Wars 3: Anakin gets hurt, Luke and Leia born. EVERYBODY DIES! :gundge:

fight club: tyler durden and the narrator are the same person

oh and

Million dollar baby : she dies

I heard Darth Vader was Luke Skywalkers Father!

Saving Private Ryan: Ryan grows old, wears saggy pants, and cries at gravesites.
Yeah stands on other peoples graves too!

Stop doing that you inconsiderate Pricks!!!!

Indiana Jones: the good guys win
James Bond: the good guy wins
Heat: the good guys win
American History X: the little brother gets shot in the face

The Yearling - they kill him.

Ol' Yeller - they kill him.

Million Dollar Baby - they kill her.


The Perfect Storm - big storm comes and they all drown.
Watched this with 3 people who did not know it was based on a true story and things would go bad. They practically went into shock. Lesson: don't rent movies just b/c you think Gerry Clooney is cute.

Devil's Advocate: Pachino is Satan. Keanu is his son. Pachino wants Keanu to knock up his sister. Keanu shoots himself.

Matchstick Men- They get him good at the end. It was all a hoax.

Toy Story: The Cow Boy guy becomes best friend with Buzz and gets it on with The Sheep Lady

The Incredibles - The villian dies an appropriately funny death. Good guys win.

Scream: The murderer is... ehm... who cares anyway. :rolleyes:

The 1st Episode of the new Doctor Who series: The Earth is about to be invaded by plastic controlling aliens. The conciousness of the aliens is under the London Eye. The Doctor doesn't save the day, his new assistant does. The Alien gets lots manikins with guns in their arms to kill humans

In the movie 28 Days Later, the soldiers are sex-crazed, and such, and in the end the zombies starve to death. It's actually quite funny to see the zombies wriggling in hunger on the road.

Toy Story: The Cow Boy guy becomes best friend with Buzz and gets it on with The Sheep Lady

sheep lady?? surely you coulda said it in a less...weird way. sheep lady....ew

sheep lady?? surely you coulda said it in a less...weird way. sheep lady....ew

Im not good with names... Is it Bo Peep? I couldn've said Lady with all the Sheep.

Drumline- the black kid plays the drum.

You've got mail- Tom Hanks gets E-mail.

Saw- turns out the dead guy from the start isn't really dead, he is the weird evil guy; the person who was thought to be the weird evil guy actually wasn't and he was forced against his will to do all that stuff and the doctor cuts through his leg to escape leaving that lawyer guy to rot.

Oh yes, I have to ask, did any of you see saw... hahaha...
(by the way, if you haven't, DON'T , it's really, really disturbing)

AVP: the Alien Queen is sunk to the bottom of the Antartic ocean and the last preditor to die gives birth to a Pred-alien.

and Bishop dies... (again)

Passion of Christ - That dude comes back to life.

Passion of Christ - That dude comes back to life.

That movie sooooo should have ended with the hand popping out of the cave along with the stabbing music from Psycho.

That movie sooooo should have ended with the hand popping out of the cave along with the stabbing music from Psycho.
Yeah, I always thought someone should turn the Jesus story into a zombie movie. People would be upset but as Christian, I would laugh at that movie.

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00005NOMI.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

This boggled my mind when I saw it in HMV. They've just 'ruined' the film by putting the twist on the front.

transformers the movie

Hot rod is the only one that can open the matrix of leadership and uses it to destroy Unicron. Hot rod becomes rodimus prime and it all ends happy.

Back to the Future - Err...the title says it all.

Back to the Future II - They go to the future, then go back in time.

Back to the Future III - They finally make it back to the future.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - They decide to not stop the Bluntman and Chronic movie but get a fat movie check. They use this money to go across America and beat up the little kids who bad-mouthed them on the internet. Also, the hot chicks get thrown in jail for stealing but Jay totally gets to band Shannon Elizabeth when she gets out.

Hamlet - Everyone dies.

The Lion King - Same thing as Hamlet except not everyone dies and it was made by Disney so there are more sexual references.

Aladdin- the Genie and the monkey live happily ever after.

The Parrot and the carpet die.

Mary Poppins- Shes flys off with here umbrella

The Little Mermaid = she chooses to die by turning to sea foam and the prince marries someone else.

the badger song- there is also mushrooms and snakes

For Love of Chair: the boy eventually leaves the chair... the light goes out.

(How many people remember this story?)

the south park movie- they blame canada, thats about all i remember

"It's a Wonderful Life": Clarence gets his wings.

"Miracle on 34th Street": Kris Kringle really is Santa Claus. The USPS can't possibly be in error.

Julius Caesar - Caesar gets stabbed by his friend

Star Wars 3: Anakin turns to the dark side

The Passion of the Christ:Some hippie gets nailed to a "t"

What dreams may come: The kids die, he dies, the wife dies, the kids and husband go to heaven while the wife goes to hell for suiciding.

The daughter turns chinese
the son turns black
The teacher turns into a shrink
the guy stays normal

A head in hell thinks the guy is his son

They somehow save the wife
They get reborned

Harold and Maude: She dies, and he trashes a sweet car.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid: They die in a hail of bullets.

Love Story: She dies insipidly.

The Little Mermaid = she chooses to die by turning to sea foam and the prince marries someone else.

Definitely not the Disney version. The original story is too sad. :( Needs singing lobsters.

the fast and the furious- they go really fast

Definitely not the Disney version. The original story is too sad. :( Needs singing lobsters.that was the version I first saw... took me months to go and see the Disney Version...


Watership Down: a bunch of rabbits go to kill other rabbits but a dog kills them first. (and Borders insists that this is a kids film.)

actually I could do this one better...

Watership Down: a bunch of rabbits flee to another land to escape the encroachment of Man... when they get there, they realize that they have no Women so they invade and steal bitches from another group of Rabbits... when those Rabbits go to get their women back, a dog is set loose and it kills the invading army.

The Matrix Trilogy: Sad remake of "Coma". Don't bother.

that was the version I first saw... took me months to go and see the Disney Version...


Watership Down: a bunch of rabbits go to kill other rabbits but a dog kills them first. (and Borders insists that this is a kids film.)

actually I could do this one better...

Watership Down: a bunch of rabbits flee to another land to escape the encroachment of Man... when they get there, they realize that they have no Women so they invade and steal bitches from another group of Rabbits... when those Rabbits go to get their women back, a dog is set loose and it kills the invading army.Yeah, I read that in highschool. I can not imagine any kid reading or watching that. The movie was so violent.

Wait a moment, does the boygirl die on the ring?

And since I like short posts, but not that short and there's talk about rabbits: Can anybody who's seen the series from Lynch say an insightful sentence? :p

Titanic not worth a BJ!

Titanic: It sinks.
I read this and did one of those laughs that come back every few seconds...ha....haha.....................ha........ha ha.

Dogville-
Nicole Kidman orders everyone to die as her father is the mafia boss.

Angels In America...Everyones gay and has aids?

Dr. Strangelove: US and USSR fail to stop the lone bomber, whose nuke sets off a chain reaction killing most of the world's population.

Eyes Wide Shut- they fuck
The Matrix- its all an illusion

Gone With The Wind- Atlanta burns.

Manos: The Hands Of Fate- Husband replaces Torgo because Manos made his hand a sparkler; Wife and Daughter become Manos's wifes

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?- I don't fucking know; some flood comes and children sing. That was really fucking confusing.

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome- Totally awesome car/train chase. And these kids find Sydney and become religious wackos.

The Apprentice- That's a TV show

Life- You die

The Matrix: He dies, then saves everyone
The Matrix Reloaded: they get the keymaster... and he dies, she dies but comes back.
The Matrix Revolutions: she dies again, he dies, it gets deleted and you're get confused

Star Wars Episode 1: Queen becomes a pediophile
Star Wars Episode 2: He helps the former Queen and looses his hand but gains hers (in marriage)
Star Wars Episode 3: He becomes Darth Vader and she has Twins. Obi wan and Yoda survive the purge.
Star Wars Episode 4: Local Boy does good. And they're bother and sister... it's just plain Wrong... even if it's for 'Good Luck' or so she says.
Star Wars Episode 5: they're Bother and Sister... that's just plain wrong. oh and Vader is Luke's Father.
Star Wars Episode 6: They Now Know that they're Bother and Sister... oh and the best and finest of the Empire is beaten by Teddy Bears.

The Crying Game: The girl is really a dude.

Alice in Wonderland: She wakes up and realizes it was all a dream.

Dallas: Victoria Principal wakes up and realizes it was all a dream.

Independence Day: They change the alien's OS from Mac to Windows and their system gets a virus and crashes.

The Sixth Sense: That's where John Edward got his idea from.

Soylent Green: It's made of people.

The crying game:

Yes, the shemale is pre-op.

Fight CLub: Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are the same person!

The Matrix - It's over-indulgent shit written by two guys with minimal talent and a latex fetish.
Titanic - Also over-indulgent shit.
The Village - set in modern times. Following on from the first two, would you be surprised to hear me say it's shit? 'Cause it is.

Debby Does Dallas: Well.... she does Dallas

Deep Throat: There's some blowjobs

How Stella got her groove back: Stella got her groove back

Bowling for Columbine: Micheal Moore chokes on a Big Mac

Far. 9/11: Micheal Moore chokes on a Hot Dog

Super Size me: Got too fat for his wife to make love to him

Beauty and the Beast: I dunno, all I remember was everyone turned into normal people

Beauty and the Beast II: Same crap, with II at the end.

Luna shows her age...

Psycho: That's Norman in the dress.

Death Trap: Superman's gay, and so is Austin Powers' fazhah.

The Stepford Wives: Men are pigs.

Carrie: Carrie is Prom Queen. Everyone else dies. She's never gonna get that blood out of her dress.

Vanilla Sky: He ends up realizing that he had been cryogenically frozen and his whole life/experience had just been a nightmare.

you could also conclude that it has all been a dream....since he wakes up to the same alarm that he did at the beginning....

The Village - Creatures were people in costumes, waste of two hours that...

The Muppet Christmas Carol - The Muppets aren't real.

(I know, I couldn't believe it either.)

The Muppet Christmas Carol - The Muppets aren't real.

The muppets aren't... Real?

*breaks down crying*

Envy, the vapooriser is an enviromental hazard and bankrupts Jack Black.

The Wizard of Oz... There is no Wizard, there is no Oz... It's all a Dream!

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas... enough said!

The Machinest


It turns out that at the start of the film, when Christian Bale goes to light a fag in his car, he hits a kid (Nigel) and kills him. He then drives away scared and becomes a hit and run driver. The man Ivan is a projection of his guilty concious.


I know I totaly wussed out on this one, but since it is a brand new film and all....

The Muppet Christmas Carol - The Muppets aren't real.

(I know, I couldn't believe it either.)
LIES take it back take it back! :mp5: :mp5:

Airplane is Funny!

Dumbo- He learns to fly.

Sword in the stone- The sword gets pulled out of the stone.

Sleeping Beauty- She wakes up.

Snow White- She comes back from the dead.

Cinderella- No biggie, she has the other glass slipper in her pocket.

Finding Nemo- They find Nemo.

Aristocats- O'Malley gets adopted into the family and the cats live happily ever after.

Shrek- The princess turns into an Ogre.

Ghost- Demi Moore makes out with Whoopi Goldberg.

Pretty Woman- He falls in love with the prostitute.

Ben Hur- Jesus dies, the lepers get cured and they all live happily ever after.

Gone With the Wind- Rhett tells Scarlett he doesn't give a damn and then leaves her.

Saving Grace- Everyone gets high.

Every movie ever made: It was the butler :eek:

The Body-snatchers: We Lose

28 Days later: Most of them die, especially Doctor Who!

AvP: The woman is the only survivor, and she becomes part of the Predator clan. And it's a piss poor movie

Man on Fire: Denzel dies, but the little girl survives

Hero: The king gets spared.

Some of them are fairly new, so...

Independence Day: They change the alien's OS from Mac to Windows and their system gets a virus and crashes.It would appear alien races arn't smart enough to use Linux...

Purple Rain- turns out prince can actually play guitar

Blair Witch Project-apprently theres a witch, i guess...in some sort of wooded area...thats about it

Saw - The dead guy in the middle of the room isn't dead, and is, in actual fact, the serial killer.

Butterfly Kiss...Eunice drowns...

I love Amanda Plummer

A Fistfull of Dollars: Clint Eastwood kills everyone

Unforgiven: Ditto

Return of the King: Frodo throws the ring into Mount Doom, only two characters with speaking roles die in the final battle. There's about twenty minutes of never-ending footage that bores you to tears.

Every Movie with Arnie: Arnold kills everybody and spouts one-liners

Unbreakable: Bruce Willis is Superman and Samuel L. Jackson is some kind of supervillain, though his only power appears to be weak bones.

All Quiet on the Western Front: Everybody dies, isn't war depressing?

Cube: The autistic dude walks into some white light

Hard-Boiled: Chow-Yun Fat singlehandedly kills roughly 50% of Hong Kong's population

Enter the Dragon: Bruce Lee whips some ass

[WARINING: Contains spoilers]

Spoil a film for one and all, reveal how it ends, tell the people about a critical plot twist, suck the enjoyment out of a film that somebody hasn't seen yet.

No Way Out, it turns out Kevin Costner really WAS a Russian spy.

Jaws: big fish eats some people, eats a boat, eats a tank of compressed gas, eats lead.

The Flight of the Phoenix--the people survive and the movie dies

The Flight of the Phoenix--the people survive and the movie dies

Until the remake...

OH GOD - There it is!

Crappy Remake (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0377062/)

The Aviator- Howard Hughes designs planes and then goes insane.
Sling Blade- Carl returns to the hospital
The Core- they save the world....don't waste your money

666 posts, I'm the anti-christ :D speaking of which,
The Omen- Damien lives the others die.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail: the cops arrest everybody

Insomnia: cop kills partner, the cover-up passes to the next generation

Matrix: he's the one
Matrix Reloaded: he's not the one
Matrix Revolution: who cares? he's finally dead.

Star Trek I: Voyager probe achieves sentience and comes home
Star Trek II: Klingons kill Kirk's son. Khan dies at last. So does Spock.
Star Trek III: Wait, Spock comes back again.
Star Trek IV: Time-travelling whales save the planet.
Star Trek V: God's an alien.
Star Trek VI: Peace accord is signed, despite Vulcan chick's and human militants' best efforts.
Star Trek VII: Kirk FINALLY dies.
Star Trek VIII: The Borg attack, Cochrane flies his rocket and the Vulcans drop in for tea.
Star Trek IX: the ugly people and the pretty people are the same people
Star Trek X: Picard meets Mark Vorkosigan. Mort d'Arthur. Data dies.

I almost forgot:

Donnie Darko: The plane fell on the kid right from the start.
Enemy at the Gates: Vasily gets some, then shoots the German.
Young Frankenstein: They exchange abilities.
Spaceballs: He's a real prince marries princess Vespa.

Donnie Darko: The plane fell on the kid right from the start.nope

nope
Yes, it did. It's an Ouroubourus Worm.

Der Untergang: happy end: Hitler dies

Oh brother, where art thou: There is no treasure, he only said it so the others would help him escape! ;)

Intolerable cruelty: Love wins in the end and they get married! :)

Sense and sensibility: Willoughby turns out to be a prick, and Marianne marries the nice colonel instead! :) Hugh Grant becomes a priest and Ellinor marries him after his stupid fiancé dumps him for his brother! :)