NationStates Jolt Archive

I am. I've got incense, magic tomes (damn those tomes, they're impossible to get) and a carefully drawn magic circle. Wish me luck!

... And no, there was no sarcasm there. I am genuinely going to do this.

let us know how it goes....

-good luck

Is this supposed to be "cult Satanic demons" or "Crowley chaos magick demons"?
Or are you pulling out something more substantial?

Hmmm... Well, I've read the Malleus Mallificarum and other medieval manuscripts, and am summoning a proper demon, not some pansy Crowley or church of Satan demon.

Do you have safeguards in place? Assuming this one works, summoning demons without proper wards and precautions is asking for you ass to be pwned in a not very nice way, assuming you don't die horribly.

Hmmm... Well, I've read the Malleus Mallificarum and other medieval manuscripts, and am summoning a proper demon, not some pansy Crowley or church of Satan demon.
Ah, good, no puttering about with weak stuff, I see.

Never summon anything bigger than your head. *nod*

I am. I've got incense, magic tomes (damn those tomes, they're impossible to get) and a carefully drawn magic circle. Wish me luck!

... And no, there was no sarcasm there. I am genuinely going to do this.


Good luck.

Hope you survive.

let us know how it goes....

-good luck

I second that sentiment. :)

Good luck, have fun, and try not to be too disappointed when your new guest arrives and demands something really off-the wall from you.

This will likely go under the Darwin Awards X Files Division.

Did you really think you could summon the devil, then ask him to behave?
~ Fox Mulder:

Hmmm... Well, I've read the Malleus Mallificarum and other medieval manuscripts, and am summoning a proper demon, not some pansy Crowley or church of Satan demon.

The church of satan sucks because the rules were written in san francisco in the hippie 60's, 40 years ago to be exact.
Actually, I'd like to be an independant satanist, I'd just not do any of that magik crap.

Ha. Ha ha ha ha. This is hillarious. It ain't gonna happen mate, and if you believe it will happen, then your an idiot.

I'm sceptical... cause if it was easy to summon demons, you would think we would have heard about it... say fire and blood raining from the sky and super powered children running around...

I am. I've got incense, magic tomes (damn those tomes, they're impossible to get) and a carefully drawn magic circle. Wish me luck!

... And no, there was no sarcasm there. I am genuinely going to do this.

Just remember, don't regret what you have done. Or else the spell will back fire.

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

If you need an exorcism later, give me a call.

Demons are some of the most dangerous things to summon, regardless of what you do. Unless you -really- know what yer doing, yer prolly gonna get royally screwed ((perhaps a rather large understatement..)). I'd recommend something less... deadly. Summoning demons isn't something you do just to show off or sound "cool" or "evil" or whatever the hell ((excuse the pun)) you want to sound like.

Are you serious man? If you are really summoning a demon..that means you believe in a supernatural, right? If you are summoning a demon that means you believe you can come in touch with the supernatural, right? If you are summoning a demon that means you believe in good and bad; evil and rightousness, right? So if you are summoning a demon, why would you want to summon a badass evil being that only wants to take your soul?

The church of satan sucks because the rules were written in san francisco in the hippie 60's, 40 years ago to be exact.
Actually, I'd like to be an independant satanist, I'd just not do any of that magik crap.

The "Church of Satan" doesn't suck it still stands today, but if you don't want to go there. There is "The First Church of Satan", "The Satanic Church", and "The Satanic Church of America" all over the country. My personal favorite is the "Church of Satan" the first one to start it all in the first place.

Just remember, you don't have to do any magic bulls**t or worship Satan as a being to be a Satanist. You just have to agree with our philosophy and agree to study and find the truth for yourself. "Satan demands study not worship!" I personally don't believe in magic, but I can still perform it for others that do believe in that stuff.

If your truly interested I can give you some info, links, or anwser some common questions, but I don't wish to waste my time with someone that's not interested in it. Just remember another thing when looking up info about Satanism. The Christian version of Satanism is not the same as true Satanism.

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

whats the christian version of satanism?

Lmao

Just because it's a demon doesn't mean it's evil. That's just what the Christian faith believes in.

"Supposedly most people think, demons are malevolent spirits with attributes conducive to the deterioration of the people or events that they touch upon. The Greek word "demon" meant a guardian spirit or source of inspiration." (Passage 10-7 from the "Satanic Bible".)

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

demons are malevolent spirits with attributes conducive to the deterioration of the people or events that they touch upon.

if the satanic bible said it...

whats the christian version of satanism?

The christians believe we sacrifice people, pray to Satan, kill babys, having orgys, kill people in the name of Satan, etc. Stuff like that, which is OPPOSITE of what we do.

If someone studys Satanism from a Christian point of view, they would only study lies that would keep them from studying true Satanism. That is why I said "Christian version of Satanism".

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

demons are malevolent spirits with attributes conducive to the deterioration of the people or events that they touch upon.

if the satanic bible said it...

The author was saying that is what most of the world thinks of demons, which isn't always true.

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

The christians believe we sacrifice people, pray to Satan, kill babys, having orgys, kill people in the name of Satan, etc. Stuff like that, which is OPPOSITE of what we do.

If someone studys Satanism from a Christian point of view, they would only study lies that would keep them from studying true Satanism. That is why I said "Christian version of Satanism".

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

I can speak for all of my friends that are christians: no, they do not believe any of that other than "pray to satan".

I believe that the "Mass Orgy Drug Injecting Sacrifice" Cult is that of (Traditional?) Luciferianism, and furthermore only a very small subsection of that. I know that there are groups such as the Order of the Black Rose, but I don't think that any of them advocate "Manson-esque" behavior.

As an aside, Marilyn Manson isn't a good example of a Satanist. He relies on shock value to sell music, and although I personally feel that some of his music is good enough on its own, the rumors that surround him appear to boost sales.

Satanism is just another religious belief, like Taoism, Shinto, Judaism, or such. Its worshippers aren't explicitly "evil"; they just believe different things.

To the original poster of this thread: if you really want to do this, make sure you have fun with it. Good luck. :D

Satanism is just another religious belief, like Taoism, Shinto, Judaism, or such. Its worshippers aren't explicitly "evil"; they just believe different things.
I disagree here.. In my view, satanism certainly isn't a religion. In my case: I loath every religion (not their values, the 'religion' on its own), and I don't worship anything, because that would be a sign that I see myself inferior to some other person, or even worse, something that doesn't even exist except in the minds of certain people..

As for the summoning of demons, I find it bullshit, nevertheless, good luck..

I have the inescapable feeling that we are all being set up for a large shaggy dog story here...

I don't know about you but I've never heard of a demon actually being summoned, maybe they're secretive little things? Like me! :D

keep a gun loaded with blessed silver bullets handy

I disagree here.. In my view, satanism certainly isn't a religion. In my case: I loath every religion (not their values, the 'religion' on its own), and I don't worship anything, because that would be a sign that I see myself inferior to some other person, or even worse, something that doesn't even exist except in the minds of certain people..

As for the summoning of demons, I find it bullshit, nevertheless, good luck..

As I said earlier in this thread, Satanism isn't about worshiping Satan, Satanism is a philosophy of truth and reason. Also in Satanism we believe that everyone is his/her own god. We are all equal, even to other gods.

Also in Satanism, we do not pray to Satan. We shunned the words "pray" and "hope" because those words get nothing done, and those who do worship Satan as a God, don't ask for help (aka pray) from Satan or forgiveness. I shall say it again, worshiping Satan or by any other name is not require for any part of Satanism.

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

I am. I've got incense, magic tomes (damn those tomes, they're impossible to get) and a carefully drawn magic circle. Wish me luck!

... And no, there was no sarcasm there. I am genuinely going to do this.

Ouch. Do you believe in elves, fairies and kobolds, too? :rolleyes:

Ouch. Do you believe in elves, fairies and kobolds, too? :rolleyes:

MmmmmKobolds. Tasty with salt and tomato sauce (but then, isn't everything?)

MmmmmKobolds. Tasty with salt and tomato sauce (but then, isn't everything?)

>.> Isn't that dog-meat? Eww.

>.> Isn't that dog-meat? Eww.

Whatever it is, I'll only eat it if a lot of people are watching.

Ouch. Do you believe in elves, fairies and kobolds, too? :rolleyes:

And why won't you ever admit the possibility of there being an afterlife?

Good luck, Germachina!

>.> Isn't that dog-meat? Eww.

If I get the amount of salt-and-tomato-sauce right, does it really matter?

If I get the amount of salt-and-tomato-sauce right, does it really matter?

Salt? SALT ON MEAT?

*head explodes*

May I ask why? As a Christian, I don't like the idea of it, but I know I can't stop you. Even from the point of view of several religions (Paganism and witchcraft rather than satanism per se), summoning things that puport to be demons is dodgy, as they aren't always controllable. Regardless of their evil nature or not, if they want something they tend to know how to get it once they have the chance.

I just pray you come out in one recognisable piece. Either that or you foul up and it fizzles.

And can we please clarify what we mean by Satanism? There is devil-worship or merely an enemy of the church (a term derived from Arabic, if I remember rightly), more recently associated with the Illuminati (thanks, more than anything, to Dan Brown). Can you state which kind you mean when you post, please?

If I get the amount of salt-and-tomato-sauce right, does it really matter?

Yes.

http://hometown.aol.co.uk/bruatchristmas/images/cute%20dog%20animated%20from%20fastgranny..gif

I'd never try anything like that, but I would like to hear how it goes. Please have a digital camera ready. Audio and video would be great. Good luck and be careful.

The church of satan sucks because the rules were written in san francisco in the hippie 60's, 40 years ago to be exact.
Actually, I'd like to be an independant satanist, I'd just not do any of that magik crap.

Well to be exact it was 36 years ago...

And you obviously didn't get the 'magik crap'. Satanic magic is simply psychological role play to rid yourself of emotional baggage, only instead of "summoning your spirit guide" or "rip a demon outta hell to kick some ass".

And I have to say, froma demonologists point of view this time, this guy is using a rather pissant tome. You might as well be using "Summoning Spirits" because nothing is going to happen. Personally I'd use the trappings of a C.O.S. ritual and create my own ritual from a number of tomes. If a sdingle book worked on it's own, we'd all be soming demons. No single tome can account for all the variables.

May I ask why? As a Christian, I don't like the idea of it, but I know I can't stop you. Even from the point of view of several religions (Paganism and witchcraft rather than satanism per se), summoning things that puport to be demons is dodgy, as they aren't always controllable. Regardless of their evil nature or not, if they want something they tend to know how to get it once they have the chance.

I just pray you come out in one recognisable piece. Either that or you foul up and it fizzles.

And can we please clarify what we mean by Satanism? There is devil-worship or merely an enemy of the church (a term derived from Arabic, if I remember rightly), more recently associated with the Illuminati (thanks, more than anything, to Dan Brown). Can you state which kind you mean when you post, please?

As I said again and again in this very thread, Satanism is just a religion, a philosophy of truth and reason.

Devil-worshipers are not Satanists!

Devil-worshipers worship the Christian version of the Devil only because they hate Christian Church and they don't know any better. They are fools if they call themselfs Satanists.

Satanists don't worship the Devil, and those that do worship the Devil believe the Devil is a good guy, not the Christian version that the Devil is the bad guy. I might as well say this again, Devil worship by any name is not required for any part of Satanism.

Does that answer your question?

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

When I was in my suicidal phase I often thought about letting a demon posess me. But then I decided agony isn't fun. So I abandoned that plan. Plus I don't think demons like being summoned... :eek:

Far be it for me to tell anyone that what they believe is a load of crap, but, most of the time, I do it anyway.

Im a bastard like that.

Summoning a demon eh?

Right.

You know anyone whos actually done this before?
If you say yes, then I ahve to ask, did anyone see this supposed demon, or was it just a figment of an over active imagination?

Did you actually SEE a manifestation of this being, or did you just want to believe that you did actually summon one, so that the creaks of the house, or the wind made strange noises, and you convinced yourself that it was the work of demonic entities?

Its crap.

Its all the product of an over active mind.
You scared yourself into believeing that you actually did something "magical" and your adrenaline starting working overtime, and you made yourself believe something that didnt happen.

Its like kids playing with Ouija Boards.

You wanted to see something, so you did, simple as that.

The good news is that Christianity is no different.
They want to believe in a God, so they invented one.

Neither truly exist.

Exactly! Unless it can be proven.

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

Exactly! Unless it can be proven.

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh


I also think that many people would find that if they knew what most Satanists believe, they would agree with much of what it stands for.

<--Not a satanist, but I do tend to agree with much of it.

*Does funny dance*

#I feel like Demon tonight, Like Demon tonight! DEMON TONIGHT!#

I was just about to say that, what you (BackwoodsSquatches) said earlier is what Satanism is all about. Believing only the facts and nothing else until proven with real proof.

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

*Does funny dance*

#I feel like Demon tonight, Like Demon tonight! DEMON TONIGHT!#

They stopped selling chicken tonight :( I think I was their only customer.

hmmm... There are many Satanic religions, not just one... Summoning a demon? I'm sure if it was possible, it would have been done before.

However, I have a demon that has turned my home into a money pit. After one thing falls apart, then another, and another. It gets off by seeing construction workers here weekly. Try to summon this one... I'm sick of him/it and you can have him/it...

Dont forget to take large amounts of halluzinogenic drugs or else nothing will happen. Demon, eh? Might as well summon the easter bunny, at least its proper season now.

They stopped selling chicken tonight :( I think I was their only customer.

They still sell it where I live, in the UK.

Dont forget to take large amounts of halluzinogenic drugs or else nothing will happen. Demon, eh? Might as well summon the easter bunny, at least its proper season now.

I'd like to see the Easter Bunny!

My point before is that everyone seems to think they know what "true" satanism is, (ie: the Temple of Set, whatever... I suppose there are a ton of Satanic religions as there are a ton of Christian religions...)

I don't think you're going to get a demon however, and if you do, hope it's not a home damaging one! :p

... can't believe the number of people who are taking this seriously.

They still sell it where I live, in the UK.

Yeah.. They used to sell it here. :( I only get to eat it when I go to Singapore or Melbourne for a holiday. :(

:eek:

I just can't get a handle on whether or not half the posts in this thread are sarcasm or serious... including the original... which makes this either one of the funniest threads I've read or one of the most disturbing commentaries on the gullibility of human beings I've ever encountered.

I am. I've got incense, magic tomes (damn those tomes, they're impossible to get) and a carefully drawn magic circle. Wish me luck!

... And no, there was no sarcasm there. I am genuinely going to do this.

You're too late. Some other idiot did this and those Demons ended up running for office during the US election 2000.

I am. I've got incense, magic tomes (damn those tomes, they're impossible to get) and a carefully drawn magic circle. Wish me luck!

... And no, there was no sarcasm there. I am genuinely going to do this.
Have fun. What kind of demon?

Yes.

http://hometown.aol.co.uk/bruatchristmas/images/cute%20dog%20animated%20from%20fastgranny..gif

http://www.heller.co.nz/images/Sausages-BBQ.jpg

Have fun. What kind of demon?
Its gonna be a sausage demon!

I just can't get a handle on whether or not half the posts in this thread are sarcasm or serious... including the original... which makes this either one of the funniest threads I've read or one of the most disturbing commentaries on the gullibility of human beings I've ever encountered.

Gullibility? What iron proof do you have against the existence of spirits?

Gullibility? What iron proof do you have against the existence of spirits?

The same iron proof you have against the invisible magical gremlin who lives in my back pocket and controls your dreams... :eek:

The same iron proof you have against the invisible magical gremlin who lives in my back pocket and controls your dreams... :eek:

So that's where the fucker's hiding! Give him a smack on the head for me for not enough "me with two lesbians" action :p

So that's where the fucker's hiding! Give him a smack on the head for me for not enough "me with two lesbians" action :p

He's too busy getting off on giving that "naked in front of a crowd at school/work/whatever" dream to people... for some reason that one just kills him every time...

I think he needs therapy personally, but I never tell him that... I'm getting the hot threesome action in my dreams in exchange for room and board back there, so I don't want him getting all offended and moving out.

He's too busy getting off on giving that "naked in front of a crowd at school/work/whatever" dream to people... for some reason that one just kills him every time...

I think he needs therapy personally, but I never tell him that... I'm getting the hot threesome action in my dreams in exchange for room and board back there, so I don't want him getting all offended and moving out.

How did you lure him there? I tried everything, but all I got was a terrible visit from the Verruca Gnome :(

How did you lure him there? I tried everything, but all I got was a terrible visit from the Verruca Gnome :(

It's all about getting the right real-estate agent... these guys really know how to sell a space:

http://www.chortler.com/1567reala.shtml

You should have seen the listing they came up with for me... a work of art I tell you...

It won't work. Superstituos children in this thread. *cackles

Why do you want to summon a demon? Are you seeking some kind of personal gain?

Kind of stupid in my opinion, but good luck anyway.

keep a gun loaded with blessed silver bullets handy
Hellsing much?
Or would it be Chrono Crusade...
:summons Shader:
:does naughty things to Catgirl Demon:

Have fun, foo!

The same iron proof you have against the invisible magical gremlin who lives in my back pocket and controls your dreams... :eek:
So that's where that bastard has been hiding.

I don't know about this. It seems to me that delving into the mystical, which is not as logical or as well documented as most other phenomena, to summon a creature from another plane of existence, which may or may not exist (but I'm inclined to believe in Heaven and God, which also acknowledges the existence of the Devil and Hell). Also adding that said creature's abilities may or may not be accurately documented in such eldrich tomes, which may contain either real and very frighting abilities or pure balderdash...

Be that all as it may, doesn't it seem a tad bit reckless to mess with other planes of existence, disturbing the deziens therein whom may or may not appreciate your intrusion, and whom may or may not take actions that may prove your precautions, chants, protections, etc, to be woefully inadequate?

I'm just saying that maybe it isn't such a good idea to be messing with demons. If they do exist, and I believe that in some way shape or form that they do, they sound like a nasty bunch and I wouldn't want to have anything to do with them. But, you're the man with the magics. What do I know?

Oh, to the original poster, stick to imps, anything bigger than that will tear you to shreads
Remember, to demons, we taste like baby.

Also, read 'Faust' before you try anything.

Also, read 'Faust' before you try anything.
Okay, side tracking a bit, there's this comic, "SandLand" in which one of the pages has Lucifer sitting in a giant throne reading Faust, I laughed for 5 minutes.

This guy has gone awfully quiet...

Well, just want to say be careful when dealing with the paranormal. You never know what'll happen.

I'm a little worried that he isn't psting though...

Which method are you going to use? My favorite is the old "aim a videocamera at the television to open up the infinity vortex" technique. I think this was mentioned in another thread.

Another Hint from Heloise: Get a nice cutting board and be sure it has a good, deep juice groove. Henckels makes a couple suitable varieties. The juice groove comes in very handy when sacrificing virgins or animals on the board. It channels the blood and runoff in a tidy manner and opens a portal without you getting your hands dirty. Unfortunately, because of the size of the board, only very small demons will fit through.

I am. I've got incense, magic tomes (damn those tomes, they're impossible to get) and a carefully drawn magic circle. Wish me luck!

... And no, there was no sarcasm there. I am genuinely going to do this.

Good luck with that. I'll just have my BFG ready in case all hell breaks loose. ;)

I am. I've got incense, magic tomes (damn those tomes, they're impossible to get) and a carefully drawn magic circle. Wish me luck!

... And no, there was no sarcasm there. I am genuinely going to do this.
Why waste your time?

Okay, side tracking a bit, there's this comic, "SandLand" in which one of the pages has Lucifer sitting in a giant throne reading Faust, I laughed for 5 minutes.
That's not a bad mental picture there. :)

I am. I've got incense, magic tomes (damn those tomes, they're impossible to get) and a carefully drawn magic circle. Wish me luck!

... And no, there was no sarcasm there. I am genuinely going to do this.


Isnt it funny how many people dont believe in God or Jesus or the teachings in the Bible, but are so quick to discuss 'angels' 'psychics' 'mediums' or summoning Demons. How interesting.

Obviously if they are a spiritual force, a few magic words will make it all ok then? A few bits of things hung about the place will stop them? Of course that's right, if you summon them then they will listen to you ha? Ahh so you're totally in control? I mean you have all authority over them do you because you've got a magical book some words and a few things hung about. How interesting. You'll learn

I am. I've got incense, magic tomes (damn those tomes, they're impossible to get) and a carefully drawn magic circle. Wish me luck!

... And no, there was no sarcasm there. I am genuinely going to do this.


If you get a Succubus be sure to send her my way!

kthxbye

:D

Isnt it funny how many people dont believe in God or Jesus or the teachings in the Bible, but are so quick to discuss 'angels' 'psychics' 'mediums' or summoning Demons. How interesting.

Christianity is not the only religion, you know.

NOTHING HAPPENED! Well, so much for that. I wrote my name on a piece of virgin parchment (in my own blood,) and having copied down the words of the Tetragramaton around me in the form of a circle, I beset Satan, Lucifer, and Astaroth to command Azrael appear. I was wearing slippers with the Name of God upon the soles (sacriligeosly,) was burning a considerable amount of incense from a burner supported by bronze goat's legs. When I called out the invocation of Azael, nothing happened. I continued to torture him with words from the Tetragramaton- still nothing.

Well, I have now proved, in one sitting, that the Malleus Mallificarum, The Ring and Key of Sulliman, and The Discoverie of Witchcraft to all be BS.

...Of course, I didn't expect it to work.

...Of course, I didn't expect it to work.
Sure you didn't. :rolleyes:

NOTHING HAPPENED! Well, so much for that. I wrote my name on a piece of virgin parchment (in my own blood,) and having copied down the words of the Tetragramaton around me in the form of a circle, I beset Satan, Lucifer, and Astaroth to command Azrael appear. I was wearing slippers with the Name of God upon the soles (sacriligeosly,) was burning a considerable amount of incense from a burner supported by bronze goat's legs. When I called out the invocation of Azael, nothing happened. I continued to torture him with words from the Tetragramaton- still nothing.

Well, I have now proved, in one sitting, that the Malleus Mallificarum, The Ring and Key of Sulliman, and The Discoverie of Witchcraft to all be BS.

...Of course, I didn't expect it to work.

I think your problem was that you used the second edition monster manual instead of the third.

NOTHING HAPPENED! Well, so much for that. I wrote my name on a piece of virgin parchment (in my own blood,) and having copied down the words of the Tetragramaton around me in the form of a circle, I beset Satan, Lucifer, and Astaroth to command Azrael appear. I was wearing slippers with the Name of God upon the soles (sacriligeosly,) was burning a considerable amount of incense from a burner supported by bronze goat's legs. When I called out the invocation of Azael, nothing happened. I continued to torture him with words from the Tetragramaton- still nothing.

Ahh, i believe that spell requires a male virgin's blood (try finding one of them these days) and the power of three. Wait for the next Ep of charmed and try again. :D

Ahh, i believe that spell requires a male virgin's blood (try finding one of them these days) and the power of three. Wait for the next Ep of charmed and try again. :D

Technical virgins or virgin virgins?

*snickers* :D

Never summon anything bigger than your head. *nod*
Isn't that akin to the monkey in the bar with the cue ball?
;)

Ahh, i believe that spell requires a male virgin's blood (try finding one of them these days) and the power of three. Wait for the next Ep of charmed and try again. :D
Didn't this get explained in "Four Rooms" with Madonna and that Roth feller?

I'm sceptical... cause if it was easy to summon demons, you would think we would have heard about it... say fire and blood raining from the sky and super powered children running around...
Nah, nah, those kinds of things happen all the time! If you're one of us "saved" fellers then god puts on the good ol' "Blinders 'o' Ignorance" and all the worlds problems don't make any kinda psychological dent on ya! Saved, hallelujah!

NOTHING HAPPENED! Well, so much for that. I wrote my name on a piece of virgin parchment (in my own blood,) and having copied down the words of the Tetragramaton around me in the form of a circle, I beset Satan, Lucifer, and Astaroth to command Azrael appear. I was wearing slippers with the Name of God upon the soles (sacriligeosly,) was burning a considerable amount of incense from a burner supported by bronze goat's legs. When I called out the invocation of Azael, nothing happened. I continued to torture him with words from the Tetragramaton- still nothing.

Well, I have now proved, in one sitting, that the Malleus Mallificarum, The Ring and Key of Sulliman, and The Discoverie of Witchcraft to all be BS.

...Of course, I didn't expect it to work.


well, i got the summon at about the time i was opening this thread, so when another summon came at about the same time, i decided that it would be easier to just explain it to you here and go see what the other guy wanted.

1) had i gone to you, there would be no way to explain and i could have lost a really ardent supporter.

2) i knew what you wanted, and the other guy could have given me some orders or something, and i was looking forwards to eating his soul for daring to speak to me like that.



the guy was a satanist from oregon who wanted to prove some christian freinds wrong.

i took the excuse to eat their souls and leave the bodies in the family washing machine.

altho, i don't think he was really expecting me to come, cause he pretty much crapped his pants when i showed up and started kicking some ass, so i ate his soul, too. i didn't do too much to the body. he was a satanist, after all, and you gotta show a little class to the people who support you.

oh shit, got another call.

cya later

hmmm... There are many Satanic religions, not just one... Summoning a demon? I'm sure if it was possible, it would have been done before.

However, I have a demon that has turned my home into a money pit. After one thing falls apart, then another, and another. It gets off by seeing construction workers here weekly. Try to summon this one... I'm sick of him/it and you can have him/it...
Is that demon a relative? I've got a brother in law that follows the same characteristics you're describing ... except that he doesn't get off looking at construction workers. Yet. But that might be some weird repression on his part, he has actually sat outside my door while his sister and i were slathering on the old body oils and doing the horizontal watusi.

Why waste your time?
To be fair, why bother reading any of these posts? On any thread? ;)
So, for you to be reborn ... were you summoned?:gundge:
:confused:

...Of course, I didn't expect it to work.

That's probably why it didn't work.

Psht. Demon summoning? Are you kidding? Now if you were summoning a greater elemental, or perhaps a lesser divine, sure, I might be a bit impressed, but a demon? Hell, my grandma can call two demons with a metamagic enanced quick spell AND maximize spell without batting an eye. Me, I prefer lesser dragons - less power, sure, and a low level summon, but have you ever ridden one?

NOTHING HAPPENED! Well, so much for that. I wrote my name on a piece of virgin parchment (in my own blood,) and having copied down the words of the Tetragramaton around me in the form of a circle, I beset Satan, Lucifer, and Astaroth to command Azrael appear. I was wearing slippers with the Name of God upon the soles (sacriligeosly,) was burning a considerable amount of incense from a burner supported by bronze goat's legs. When I called out the invocation of Azael, nothing happened. I continued to torture him with words from the Tetragramaton- still nothing.

Well, I have now proved, in one sitting, that the Malleus Mallificarum, The Ring and Key of Sulliman, and The Discoverie of Witchcraft to all be BS.

...Of course, I didn't expect it to work.

Tetragramaton? Wait a minute, methinks this one has seen Equilibrium one too many times ;). Just FYI, the Malleus Mallifacarum was basically the witch-hunter's handbook back in the days when such things were in vogue.

Hmmm... Well, I've read the Malleus Mallificarum and other medieval manuscripts, and am summoning a proper demon, not some pansy Crowley or church of Satan demon.


Am I the first one to catch that the malleus mallificarum was a book written by christians about how to catch witches.

Am I the first one to catch that the malleus mallificarum was a book written by christians about how to catch witches.

Nope. Look at the post right above yours :D

NOTHING HAPPENED! Well, so much for that. I wrote my name on a piece of virgin parchment (in my own blood,) and having copied down the words of the Tetragramaton around me in the form of a circle, I beset Satan, Lucifer, and Astaroth to command Azrael appear. I was wearing slippers with the Name of God upon the soles (sacriligeosly,) was burning a considerable amount of incense from a burner supported by bronze goat's legs. When I called out the invocation of Azael, nothing happened. I continued to torture him with words from the Tetragramaton- still nothing.

Well, I have now proved, in one sitting, that the Malleus Mallificarum, The Ring and Key of Sulliman, and The Discoverie of Witchcraft to all be BS.

...Of course, I didn't expect it to work.

You forgot to say "I'm a Christian, come get me".

are you using the right portal... if you are using portal 98 then be warned it is very unstable can will crash a lot... losing any demonds that you have not saved.. i'd recomend portal XP this one has it own barrier to stop the bad demonds comming through.

well, i got the summon at about the time i was opening this thread, so when another summon came at about the same time, .........

.....
oh shit, got another call.

cya later
You should get yourself an answering service. There's a tidy amount of money to be made on call waiting charges ....

"Thank you for calling the Pit of Fire and Eternal Torment. Your summoning is very important to us. All our demons are busy right now, but if you hold, one will be put through to you as soon as they become available."

*Cue selection from Vivaldi's 'Four Seasons', and repeat ad infinitum.*

You should get yourself an answering service. There's a tidy amount of money to be made on call waiting charges ....

"Thank you for calling the Pit of Fire and Eternal Torment. Your summoning is very important to us. All our demons are busy right now, but if you hold, one will be put through to you as soon as they become available."

*Cue selection from Vivaldi's 'Four Seasons', and repeat ad infinitum.*

" please choose what type of demons you want to summion. press #1 for random destruction, #2 for possestion of your body, #3 for your own horriable death, #4 for a controlable killing machine, #5 for something that can be killed by buffy, #6 for a demon to pull you into hell and #7 for a demond that is stopped by the hero as it emerges from the portal.... if you don't know what demon you want please hold and a advisor will help you as soon as possiable"

I think that tonight I'm going to dig out my copy of the Necrotelecomnicon and invoke the spirit of Thora Hird. Any thoughts on what I should do with her when she manifests herself?

I think that tonight I'm going to dig out my copy of the Necrotelecomnicon and invoke the spirit of Thora Hird. Any thoughts on what I should do with her when she manifests herself?
See if you can sell her a stanner stair lift???

Without reading through the whole thread...........did it work?

You should get yourself an answering service. There's a tidy amount of money to be made on call waiting charges ....

"Thank you for calling the Pit of Fire and Eternal Torment. Your summoning is very important to us. All our demons are busy right now, but if you hold, one will be put through to you as soon as they become available."

*Cue selection from Vivaldi's 'Four Seasons', and repeat ad infinitum.*

" please choose what type of demons you want to summion. press #1 for random destruction, #2 for possestion of your body, #3 for your own horriable death, #4 for a controlable killing machine, #5 for something that can be killed by buffy, #6 for a demon to pull you into hell and #7 for a demond that is stopped by the hero as it emerges from the portal.... if you don't know what demon you want please hold and a advisor will help you as soon as possiable"

Sorry Davo... I didn't know how to put two quotes in here, so I copied and pasted yours...

ROTF!!! :D

*alternate music--- O Fortuna* heheheheh!!!! :D

I think that tonight I'm going to dig out my copy of the Necrotelecomnicon and invoke the spirit of Thora Hird. Any thoughts on what I should do with her when she manifests herself?

Have her come over and clean my house... :cool:

Wow. This thread is pretty silly. Saying "ive read so and so, and I tried it, and it didn't work, so it's BS." sounds akin to saying "I read guchinin funakoshi's 'karate-do', and then got beat up by the school bully, so karate is all crap."

These things take time and practice. By the time you can wallop someone with karate, you almost certainly will not need to. Summoning ANYTHING is similar, really. Ive been a shotokan enthusiast (sometimes 20 hours a week) for almost ten years and I would NEVER try to use karate in a bar brawl; I've been a ritualist for about 7 years (we wont talk about hours per week, thanks) and frankly, im not interested in summoning anything, oh lets say, bigger than my head.

look at the meaning of sophmore. And that would be AFTER a year.

Wow. This thread is pretty silly. Saying "ive read so and so, and I tried it, and it didn't work, so it's BS." sounds akin to saying "I read guchinin funakoshi's 'karate-do', and then got beat up by the school bully, so karate is all crap."

These things take time and practice. By the time you can wallop someone with karate, you almost certainly will not need to. Summoning ANYTHING is similar, really. Ive been a shotokan enthusiast (sometimes 20 hours a week) for almost ten years and I would NEVER try to use karate in a bar brawl; I've been a ritualist for about 7 years (we wont talk about hours per week, thanks) and frankly, im not interested in summoning anything, oh lets say, bigger than my head.

look at the meaning of sophmore. And that would be AFTER a year.

Exactly. Remember, don't try to summon a demon to help you in battle unless you are well practiced; say level 4 or 5 at least.

Start small, don't go summoning that huge dragon until you can summon the useless furry creature that heals status effects a few times; you gotta work your way up into the big leagues.

Never invoke anything bigger than your head; trust me on this one. Also, if your religious idol starts emmitting light, CLOSE YOUR EYES. More cultists are lost this way...Nazi's too.

Oh, if you are a Japanese Schoolgirl, don't summon demons. Just don't. We all know it will end up being some kinda tentacle monster. Bad things will happen. Some pervert will video tape it. Another La Blue Girl movie will be made.

Good luck summoning that demon; remember that it must pay your price for releasing it from the underworld. At least ask for a case of beer and 20 bucks. The beer will be domestic, so be warned.

" please choose what type of demons you want to summion. press #1 for random destruction, #2 for possestion of your body, #3 for your own horriable death, #4 for a controlable killing machine, #5 for something that can be killed by buffy, #6 for a demon to pull you into hell and #7 for a demond that is stopped by the hero as it emerges from the portal.... if you don't know what demon you want please hold and a advisor will help you as soon as possiable"
whatever you do...for Gods sake DO NOT press #69