NationStates Jolt Archive

I'm trying to decide if polyamory (the practice of having more than one romantic relationship) is better/worse or just as good as monogomy (the practice of loving/marrying only one person). I would like this to become a open debate, but since this is ultimately to help me come to a conclusion and I am not religious, I would appreciate if religious arguments were kept out of it. Thanks. :D

So- I'll start by asking the most basic applicable questions:

1. Are you male or female?
2. What are the benefits of a monogamous relationship?
3. What are the drawbacks of a monogamous relationship?
4. What are the benefits of polyamorous relationships?
5. What are the drawbacks of polyamorous relationships?

edit:
6. Which do you think is ultimately better (or do you think they are equally beneficial)?
7. How old are you?
8. Are you currently in one or more romantic relationships?

edit:
9. Have you ever been in a monogamous romantic relationship?
10. Have you ever been in a polyamorous romantic relationship?


I'll comment when I get the chance, but for now- I just want to know what all you people think.

1. Are you male or female?
2. What are the benefits of a monogamous relationship?
3. What are the drawbacks of a monogamous relationship?
4. What are the benefits of polyamorous relationships?
5. What are the drawbacks of polyamorous relationships?



1. Male
2. Less presents to buy
3. Having to listen to some one else
4. Never lonely
5. More presents to buy

oh, one last Q:

6. Which do you think is ultimately better (or do you think they are equally beneficial)?

Obviously this all depends on which stage of life you are at. If you are young, just looking for fun, than polyarmory makes sense. If you are searching for commitment, monogamy is best, or at least, one would think so.

1: Male
2:Focused attention from your significant other, increased "specialness" of relationship
3:Less sex, less freedom
4:Many partners, more freedom, more affection
5: Less focused affection (so its more shallow) and relationships lose meaning

6:Depends on what you're into, mate. I'm a romantic sucker, so I tend towards monogamy, but I (like most people) have my moments of wishing for a couple extra women around.

I think sex is much better with the same partner than different ones. You become aquainted with what the other person likes, dislikes and can grow and branch off from there. Theres not as much stress as there would be with a new partner or multiple partners because you 'know" that person on the inside. Its more satisfying. Its basically the same if you are talking about sex or just relationships. New isnt always better. I'd die if I had a different guy each week to go out with. ugh....no thanks. I like having one special person to share my love, my dreams, my secrets and my body with. Thats my opinion.

1. Female
2. A special closeness with one loving partner; genuine friendship, great sex because of that closeness.
3. Restricted freedom.
4. Ability to 'choose' who, if any, is more appropriate for you in the long-term.
5. Jealousy of other partners, probable lack of genuine closeness, confusion about how you feel about the different people.
6. Monogomy. In my experience at least, there is nothing better than the closeness that comes from one loving romantic relationship - and, as I said above, because of that, the sex is far better!
7. 21.
8. Yes, currently in one deeply loving relationship.
9. Currently in one, have had one other semi-serious one prior to this.
10. No; it's simply not in my nature.

Well, simply put, a big point against Polygamy is that it's a taboo (at least in the western culture, and most other cultures) because of cultural and/or religious background. Simply put - it's just not common.

Another big con is that when polygamy occurs, it's usually on rather unequal terms. Like, in Arab countries for example (highly partriarchial society), men are allowed to have up to four women, but not vice versa.

Finally, who says 'Monogamy = no fun'?!? That's a blatant lie! :p

1. Are you male or female?
2. What are the benefits of a monogamous relationship?
3. What are the drawbacks of a monogamous relationship?
4. What are the benefits of polyamorous relationships?
5. What are the drawbacks of polyamorous relationships?

1.Male.
2.You probably have a lesser risk of getting HIV
3.Less sex
4.Lots of sex
5.Women become envious and beat eachother up for you.

1. Male
2. More closeness, more intense and sincere feeling
3. Becomes routine, risk losing the exciting aspect
4. More fun, I would imagine... More diverse fun, at least
5. Shallowness
6. Monogamy, definitely

There's that extra something in a committed monogamous relationship that you would probably not be able to find otherwise. Plus, genuine love enhances the pleasure of sex, y'know (believe me ;) ). Then again, that depends what you're looking for, but for me it'll always be monogamy.

1. Are you male or female?Male

2. What are the benefits of a monogamous relationship? Exclusiveness, feeling more special, no/less jealousy

3. What are the drawbacks of a monogamous relationship? If they aren't for you, you'd better get out. Potential for more hurt.

4. What are the benefits of polyamorous relationships?Less emotionally involved with each one (eggs in different baskets)

5. What are the drawbacks of polyamorous relationships? Less emotionally involved with each one, jealously, less of a feeling of exclusiveness and uniqueness.

6. I couldn't be polyamorous, way too much jealousy and one of the big things I love about my relationship is that it is a private thing just between us two. For me, having more than one partner would mean it wouldn't feel very special with any of them.

7. 18

8. Yes, a long-term monogomous one.

9. Yes

10. No

I think sex is much better with the same partner than different ones. You become aquainted with what the other person likes, dislikes and can grow and branch off from there. Theres not as much stress as there would be with a new partner or multiple partners because you 'know" that person on the inside. Its more satisfying. Its basically the same if you are talking about sex or just relationships. New isnt always better. I'd die if I had a different guy each week to go out with. ugh....no thanks. I like having one special person to share my love, my dreams, my secrets and my body with. Thats my opinion. Great post, mirrors my own thoughts completely!

And all these people saying about less sex in a monogomy: Would you rather have sex seven times a week with someone you love or 14 times a week with a hooker?

Monogomy != Boring and slow sex life


EDIT: Did Legless Pirates accidentaly run into Peechland too fast and become this account as a result?

I think the big con is that polyamorists are nowhere near so hot as portrayed on MTV or even Springer. I mean really, you think you're signing on for a hot threeway with some polyamorist Spring Breakers and you wind up at lemonparty.

1. Are you male or female?
2. What are the benefits of a monogamous relationship?
3. What are the drawbacks of a monogamous relationship?
4. What are the benefits of polyamorous relationships?
5. What are the drawbacks of polyamorous relationships?




1 Female

2 I have a hard time answering this one.. except for not having to necessarily compete for attention. Not having to compromise sleeping, dating, alone time..
3 Lots of pressure on the primary partner to fill every need emotionally and everything else...

4 More help in raising children, More income coming in if all parties are working, less pressure to provide everything the primary partner may need emotionally and physically, when deadlocked in opinion between two it is easier to have another opnion that have everyones best interests in mind without having to 'take it to the streets'.

5 Inherent compitition for attention or physicality... not having certainty of your partners affections...


I have been in both.... and for me it all depends on the situation really... with the right people a poly relationship can work... but then so can Monogamous

I just thought of another question that probably has an affect on peoples answers:

7. How old are you?


My responses will come relatively soon, but I'm at work right now and this is one of the rare occasions when I actually have work to do :eek: ... so it won't be until later tonight. Thanks for all the responses!

8. Are you currently in one or more romantic relationships?

More questions= gooooood.

9. Have you ever been in a monogamous romantic relationship?
10. Have you ever been in a polyamorous romantic relationship?

I just thought of another question that probably has an affect on peoples answers:

7. How old are you?


My responses will come relatively soon, but I'm at work right now and this is one of the rare occasions when I actually have work to do :eek: ... so it won't be until later tonight. Thanks for all the responses!
I'm in my teenage years, and being female and not wanting stalkers, I will avoid giving my exact age.

8. Are you currently in one or more romantic relationships?
I am currently NOT in any romantic relationship as I think dating at my age is ridiculous and stupid.

Polygamy Advantages

1. More chances of passing on genetic information.
2. More freedom with sexuality.

Polygamy Disadvantages

1. Far mor complicated.
2. Greater chances of STD transmission.

Monogamy Advantages

1. Sense of loyalty/trust/connection
2. Safer

Monogamy Disadvantages

1. Less sexual freedom
2. Less chances of passing on genetic information

I am a male, and I ain't tellin' ya how old I am! :D

I think sex is much better with the same partner than different ones. You become aquainted with what the other person likes, dislikes and can grow and branch off from there. Theres not as much stress as there would be with a new partner or multiple partners because you 'know" that person on the inside. Its more satisfying. Its basically the same if you are talking about sex or just relationships. New isnt always better. I'd die if I had a different guy each week to go out with. ugh....no thanks. I like having one special person to share my love, my dreams, my secrets and my body with. Thats my opinion.
[Emphasis mine.]

This part of your post suggests to me that you're making an assumption that "Legenolia" is not making. You seem to assume that polyamory implies getting a new partner on a frequent basis. I disagree with this assumption. Consider having two or more long-term boyfriends simultaneously, a situation where you're not replacing boyfriends all the time. THe two or more boyfriends you have now are the same two or more boyfriends you have 2 years from now.

...or you can try to argue that polyamory must necessarily result in replacing partners on a regular basis. Maybe this is your opinion? I'm not sure.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

What are your answers Cog?

Legenolia, I wish you all the best of luck in your journey. :D

1. Female
2. What are the benefits of a monogamous relationship?

I assume here a long-term monogamous relationship. The benefits here are
(a) intimacy at the highest level
(b) potential soul-mate
(c) very simple "rules of conduct" within the relationship - you know that the physical aspects of intimacy are reserved for this person alone.
(d) you aren't challenging your peers, parents, children or neighbors with a "kooky lifestyle" that you will have to defend.

3. What are the drawbacks of a monogamous relationship?
(a) you can't just "walk away" from a marriage commitment
(b) you may find yourselves growing apart as you age
(c) you may outlive your partner and be very lonely later in life
(d) you may have a painful break up

4. What are the benefits of polyamorous relationships?
I am speaking here of a "committed, long-term" polyamorous relationship, in which you have a "primary" lover and one or more "seondary" lovers. Anything else is "dating," and doesn't count as polyamory

(a) you have a variety of people who can potentially meet your various needs.
(b) you (possibly) get to experience group sex (depends on your poly "contract")
(c) you have a very busy social life
(d) you get to be completely honest with yourself and your partners and explore some difficult areas in all your psyches (jealousy, fears of abandonment, etc)

5. What are the drawbacks of polyamorous relationships?
(a) You must be completely honest with yourself and your lovers and discuss things endlessly
(b) you must come up with a set of "rules of engagement" that ensures you respect the boundaries of your primary and won't insult or hurt the feelings of your secondary
(c) you (possibly) may be forced to witness your primary lover have sex with another person (or persons).
(d) You have to trust everyone involved (and this includes all the lovers of your many lovers) to remain disease-free, or be forthright about what they have and could possibly share with you.
(e) you are constantly worrying about the failure of birth control and not knowing who the child's father really is.
(f) you are constantly worrying that your primary is having a better time with his other lover(s) than he is with you.
(g) your primary or secondary is obsessed with knowing how he compares with your other lovers


6. Which do you think is ultimately better (or do you think they are equally beneficial)?
Monagamy. It's hard enough finding one person to live with compatibly, much less 3 or more.

7. How old are you?
over 40

8. Are you currently in one or more romantic relationships?
yes

9. Have you ever been in a monogamous romantic relationship?
yes
10. Have you ever been in a polyamorous romantic relationship?
yes

What are your answers Cog?
"Pending". My answers are "pending". :p

Seriously, though, I need time to think through the advantages/disadvantages questions carefully. I am a male in my mid-to-late 20s.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

Seriously, though, I need time to think through the advantages/disadvantages questions carefully.That goes against everything internet forums stand for! :p

1. Are you male or female?
2. What are the benefits of a monogamous relationship?
3. What are the drawbacks of a monogamous relationship?
4. What are the benefits of polyamorous relationships?
5. What are the drawbacks of polyamorous relationships?

edit:
6. Which do you think is ultimately better (or do you think they are equally beneficial)?
7. How old are you?
8. Are you currently in one or more romantic relationships?

edit:
9. Have you ever been in a monogamous romantic relationship?
10. Have you ever been in a polyamorous romantic relationship?





1. Male
2. No sharing of love :D No rivalry in the relationship (I'm taking this is a
nicely working relationship - it never is.) You can get married (if that's
your thing)
3. You are tied to one partner (no knowledge of better":rolleyes:" ).
4. The love never ends :D (I beleive people have never ending love capacity)
If you have good rules it probaply doesn't get old as fast as mono?!?
5. Other peoples opinion (This shouldn't matter, but you know...)
Rules have to great so there is no mishabs...

6. Mono, but it depends on the people involved... But I want all the love :p
7. 19
8. None :(

9. No :(
10. No

Cba to do all the questions, but it would seem to me to be better to be in a relationship with a single person. Although I don't deny you could be happy in a polyogomous relationship, I think you will always reach a deeper level of trust etc. etc. with just one person. There are downsides of course, like getting bloody sick of the same person.

However it seems to me the best crit. of pologamy is the fact that I reckon you could never overcome the anxiety and jelousness, and their would be constant repressed anger and tension.

Well, simply put, a big point against Polygamy is that it's a taboo (at least in the western culture, and most other cultures) because of cultural and/or religious background. Simply put - it's just not common.

Another big con is that when polygamy occurs, it's usually on rather unequal terms. Like, in Arab countries for example (highly partriarchial society), men are allowed to have up to four women, but not vice versa.

Finally, who says 'Monogamy = no fun'?!? That's a blatant lie! :p

Polyamory is NOT polygamy!

Polyamory is when neither partner in a committed relationship is exclusive sexually with the other partner. Polyamory can include so-called "group marriages" (such as described in most of Robert A Heinlein's books) that contain many men and women who are all married to each other (that's not legal anywhere that I know of in the real world at this time).

More often than not, a polyamorous relationship consists of a committed couple that have other (usually long-term) lovers who are also in a committed polyamorous relationship. The "secondary" lovers may not be long-term relationships, but it's been my experience that people who practice polyamory (rather than just "swinging") are looking for multiple long-term partners.

I suppose it's the equivalent of the "marriages of convenience" of the 19th century, where the married couple took lovers and were up front about it and people all seemed to get along.

Well, after a long day of work and other not-so-enjoyable tasks I finally have the time to sit down and take care of some business that I care about.

I'll start by simply answering my own questions.

1. Are you male or female? Male
2. What are the benefits of a monogamous relationship?There's a special feeling you get from knowing there's someone who cares about you enough to "forsake all others". It great to see the same person every day... plan each day with them... start and end each day with that one special person. You really get to know everything about this one person.
3. What are the drawbacks of a monogamous relationship?
Desires for others, even when they don't lead to any action, may leave a sense of guilt, as if you had cheated "in your heart". Daily life and sex life may becore routine or boring. It's hard for one person to completely satasfy another person.
4. What are the benefits of polyamorous relationships?
No guilt and possibly more honesty about your desires to be with other people. Knowing that there are multiple people that you can count on. More variety in life/sex, possibly more sex. It seems that other general benefits of a monogamous relationship would also be amplified or multiplied
5. What are the drawbacks of polyamorous relationships?
Jealousy between lovers. More complicated rules. Possibility of unequal feelings between two people who are "together", more danger of STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
6. Which do you think is ultimately better (or do you think they are equally beneficial)?
I think polyamorous relationships are better, because most of the benefits of a monogomous relationship are simply duplicated, and most of the drawbacks of polyamorous relationships can be (somewhat) easily and reliably controled.
7. How old are you? 21
8. Are you currently in one or more romantic relationships? yes, one
9. Have you ever been in a monogamous romantic relationship? yes
10. Have you ever been in a polyamorous romantic relationship? no

I'm trying to decide if polyamory (the practice of having more than one romantic relationship) is better/worse or just as good as monogomy (the practice of loving/marrying only one person). I would like this to become a open debate, but since this is ultimately to help me come to a conclusion and I am not religious, I would appreciate if religious arguments were kept out of it. Thanks. :D

So- I'll start by asking the most basic applicable questions:

1. Are you male or female?
2. What are the benefits of a monogamous relationship?
3. What are the drawbacks of a monogamous relationship?
4. What are the benefits of polyamorous relationships?
5. What are the drawbacks of polyamorous relationships?

edit:
6. Which do you think is ultimately better (or do you think they are equally beneficial)?
7. How old are you?
8. Are you currently in one or more romantic relationships?

edit:
9. Have you ever been in a monogamous romantic relationship?
10. Have you ever been in a polyamorous romantic relationship?


I'll comment when I get the chance, but for now- I just want to know what all you people think.1. female
2. knowing there is someone who loves you absolutely, the intensity that comes with giving oneself fully to the other
3. one must watch out for complacency, I suppose! and intensity can have its drawbacks as well - but then, there's also make-up sex!
4. having the opportunity to try a little bit of everything! having multiple teachers, and multiple students!
5. jealousy, distrust, feeling that something is missing
6. ultimately, I'd like a monogamous relationship - I think it would be more fulfilling. but for the time being, until I have met that person who would continually captivate me, I am more than happy to have fun with a few playmates!
7. 21
8. alas, no.
9. yes, but I'd rather avoid the subject.
10. not really - I've dated various people, but I would never develop an intimate relationship with more than one person at a time. it wouldn't sit well with me!