NationStates Jolt Archive

Seems like an odd question, but I am just curious. The thing is that my boyfriend shows love in a really odd, extremely confusing way... to the point where I sometimes believe he has no interest in me or just doesn't care. He doesn't show love through touching, kissing, even saying "I Love You". Instead, he teases/picks on me/jokes around. Is this normal?

As to answer my own question: I touch a lot (not pervertedly or anything), like hugging, surprise hugs, kissing, massaging. If he aches somewhere I massage it. But him food (I can't possibly affor dthe other things he wants, Lol) and give him fuschias that I grow (because they are the coolest flower ever-- though he never pays any attention to things like that that I give him).

Honestly.. I am just bummed out and confused to be frank.. It just depresses me. I have told him what I feel but he says that he is insulted that I would ever think that he doesn't love me. Can any of you relate to that? Explain this phenomenom!

Sometimes guys have a really hard time saying those three magical words. They just aren't ready to say them. Just think of it as sex, and how you know if you are ready or not. It's the same principle. He may love you but he just doesn't know how to say it so he does it in a different way. Trust me, as time goes on he'll find the courage to say it.

Seems like an odd question, but I am just curious. The thing is that my boyfriend shows love in a really odd, extremely confusing way... to the point where I sometimes believe he has no interest in me or just doesn't care. He doesn't show love through touching, kissing, even saying "I Love You". Instead, he teases/picks on me/jokes around. Is this normal?


Yes. ;)

...Trust me, as time goes on he'll find the courage to say it.

But he won't say it every day, or every week, possibly not every month either, and parhaps not while you are awake or able to hear him.

I remind my wife verbally and physically(kisses) that I love her. Not all the time. But where I think it's appropriate. I don't agree with saying "I love you" at the drop of the hat. It takes away from the statement a bit.

Yes. ;)

Very normal.
I feel your pain, hon. @ Melodiasu

Seems like an odd question, but I am just curious. The thing is that my boyfriend shows love in a really odd, extremely confusing way... to the point where I sometimes believe he has no interest in me or just doesn't care. He doesn't show love through touching, kissing, even saying "I Love You". Instead, he teases/picks on me/jokes around. Is this normal?

As to answer my own question: I touch a lot (not pervertedly or anything), like hugging, surprise hugs, kissing, massaging. If he aches somewhere I massage it. But him food (I can't possibly affor dthe other things he wants, Lol) and give him fuschias that I grow (because they are the coolest flower ever-- though he never pays any attention to things like that that I give him).

Honestly.. I am just bummed out and confused to be frank.. It just depresses me. I have told him what I feel but he says that he is insulted that I would ever think that he doesn't love me. Can any of you relate to that? Explain this phenomenom!

This is what a young man does to show affection. Alot of young women get this wrong. If he is doing this. He considers you his best bud. You reserve this for someone you feel comfortable and connected to. Everyone can be better at showing affection. Sometimes it takes time and "growing up" to show the right way to do it.

Through iron fisted discipline.

If you lived with me and my boyfriend you'd be amazed we're actually together. The abuse we both inflict upon each other on a daily basis is immense and crazy. There are multiple holes in the wall from me barely missing him while I try to punch him, my nose bleeds at random now because of the many times hes hit me in the face. I've given him four black eyes, and six nose bleeds myself. We've beaten each other up so badly that it is noticed by the general public when we go out together. Yet, we never forgot to say "I Love You".

If you lived with me and my boyfriend you'd be amazed we're actually together. The abuse we both inflict upon each other on a daily basis is immense and crazy. There are multiple holes in the wall from me barely missing him while I try to punch him, my nose bleeds at random now because of the many times hes hit me in the face. I've given him four black eyes, and six nose bleeds myself. We've beaten each other up so badly that it is noticed by the general public when we go out together. Yet, we never forgot to say "I Love You".


I don't know if you put this up here as a joke or not. But this is extremely bad advice to a young woman. A guy hits you, then you leave and never come back. I would suggest this to a man also. This isn't any way of maintaining a relationship.

Quote:
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I don't agree with saying "I love you" at the drop of the hat. It takes away from the statement a bit. "

hahaha talk about the understatement of the year.
But yeah melodia, its normal we do that sometimes, but he can still show affection....and well u should show hom to appreciate the flowers but also remember that its as if he gave you a "guy thing" every time he wanted t show you appreciation and he expected you to like it and be super happy about it. :headbang:

I don't know if you put this up here as a joke or not. But this is extremely bad advice to a young woman. A guy hits you, then you leave and never come back. I would suggest this to a man also. This isn't any way of maintaining a relationship. No jokes. And it certainly isn't a good way of maintaining a relationship. Also, I'm gay so... We're both men.

I don't know if you put this up here as a joke or not. But this is extremely bad advice to a young woman. A guy hits you, then you leave and never come back. I would suggest this to a man also. This isn't any way of maintaining a relationship.
Actually... this really is weird--but sometimes it can be a good way to just get things over and done with, whether this was a joke or not. Like, with guys. If they have a real issue, they'll beat the snot out of each other, and at the end, a lot of the time it's all worked out they get along. Girls, on the other hand, are bitchy. When they do get things out to the other person's face, it's orally. This just causes more bitchyness between the two and it gets worse. Now, in a relationship, you do have to be very careful with this sort of behavior, but for some people, it might just work out.

I really just gave him one fuschia and I did that like twice. He says I love you before going to sleep, but other than that he has said that sayign I love you is stupid.. and when I say it to him he just says "I know". Maybe I am too romantic for him or something.. it's exhausting pouring out whatever you can and not even getting I nice big hug for it. @_@

By the way, we have been dating for almost 3 years o.o

No jokes. And it certainly isn't a good way of maintaining a relationship. Also, I'm gay so... We're both men.

Either way being gay or not shouldnt matter.

I really just gave him one fuschia and I did that like twice. He says I love you before going to sleep, but other than that he has said that sayign I love you is stupid.. and when I say it to him he just says "I know". Maybe I am too romantic for him or something.. it's exhausting pouring out whatever you can and not even getting I nice big hug for it. @_@

By the way, we have been dating for almost 3 years o.o


If you don't mind can I ask how old both of you are? It does in my mind help with a solution for you.

I really just gave him one fuschia and I did that like twice. He says I love you before going to sleep, but other than that he has said that sayign I love you is stupid.. and when I say it to him he just says "I know". Maybe I am too romantic for him or something.. it's exhausting pouring out whatever you can and not even getting I nice big hug for it. @_@

By the way, we have been dating for almost 3 years o.o

Don't worry, he is a normal man who it seems is very devoted to you. If he makes jokes, picks on you, annoys you he's just trying to get your attention.

Either way being gay or not shouldnt matter.Oh most certainly shouldn't. Just saying.

Yes, this is fairly common. He should grow out of that, though.

I show affection through touch. I'm a man of very few words, and gifts do nothing for me (I've stopped participating in Christmas, and I don't tell people my birthday). However, I make it a point to find out what is meaningful to other people. For instance, I still send flowers to my ex when it's appropriate.

I am 17 and he is 19

Young I suppose, Lol

Cant open up after 3 years? ....must be the strong silent type. :p
Just outta curiosity, do u cry often over thi relationship?

OK, this is very typical for the ages you just quoted. Don't worry about this. When you are young your ideas and mannerisms change drastically in short periods of times. I would suggest just enjoying his company and what he gives you. If you find yourself yearning for more than he can give. Then maybe you should evaluate your situation and how much you want to be with him. Good luck.

My left hand gets all the love my right dosent get a look in! :eek: :p

My boyfriend and I insult each other, are fairly aggressive with each other. *shrug* So, I think it might be a sign that you are comfortable with each other.

I mean, our most affectionate names for each other are: fatass (him) and jerkbag (me).

Cant open up after 3 years? ....must be the strong silent type. :p
Just outta curiosity, do u cry often over thi relationship?


Occasionally... I grew up shy and sensitive I suppose, though. He has helped me with it quite a bit.

My left hand gets all the love my right dosent get a look in! :eek: :p

Well that might be a bit more information then we all need.

My boyfriend and I insult each other, are fairly aggressive with each other. *shrug* So, I think it might be a sign that you are comfortable with each other.

I mean, our most affectionate names for each other are: fatass (him) and jerkbag (me). hahahaha. So true. My name for him is Asshole. He calls me Faggot. :eek:

Occasionally... I grew up shy and sensitive I suppose, though. He has helped me with it quite a bit.
This is not good for ur relationship (although im sure u know that already) because sometimes hell confuse ur insecurity for ur need to express ur love to him and u HAVE to distinguish the two, everyone has their faults and maybe being oversensitive or insecure is urs...but it shouldnt stop you from being happy, which in the end is the most important thing...u said he said I love u before going to bed...i find thats not bad..in fact, im convinced u become all fuzzy inside when he does. If u force him to say it u wont have that fuzzy feelin inside anymore....hehe well sorry id say more but my GF is here..GL!

hahahaha. So true. My name for him is Asshole. He calls me Faggot. :eek:
I don't think it's at all wrong. Heck, if you know you love each other (or feel strongly) and you know you don't really mean it, it's not at all a problem.

^_^ It's nice to know we're not the only weird ones. ;)

I don't think it's at all wrong. Heck, if you know you love each other (or feel strongly) and you know you don't really mean it, it's not at all a problem.

^_^ It's nice to know we're not the only weird ones. ;) 13 years and 7 months from today. :D

IT's not that I want ot force him to do anything.. I just don't understand why he thinks it's all stupid. I talked to him about it and he said that the common ways of showing love (kissing, hugging, doing things for eachother, ect, romantic stuff) are stupid, and refuses to do them and to only show love through teasing me O_o;;;. Possibly it is because he grew up always being the "bad ass" and I am his first real girlfriend, and likewise he is my first. He also watches anime, which is cool and all, I do also occasionally. But sometimes I think that (if you ever watch it you will know what I mean) there will be those quiet bad ass super powered dudes who love some girl but always makes fun of her but then rescues her all of the time, ect ect.

God.. that last part actually does sound like him.. Lol

Actually thinking of it is making me all giggly. Lol

lmao that's kinda funny/

17 and 19 eh?
Well he should have grown out of the 'pig tail' pulling years by now!
However, what are his family like?
I have a friend who is the most loving and caring guy I know. He's thoughtful, respectful, would give you his last penny and will help out at the drop of a hat. BUT his girfriend feels the same way, he doesn't hug her rarely says that he sares for her and is often seemingly very nasty to her.
Why, because his parents are uncaring and unfeeling, they have never showed him much affection, they belittle whatever he does and I don't think he was ever hugged......
Now I am 47, I was brought up in a family who cares for each other, are demonstrative in their affection and as well as respecting and encouraging each other in what they do. He is 23, young enough to be my son, he knows that what is happening is wrong and he is determined to change, hopefully I'll be able to help and allow this fantastic lad the chance to have the pleasure of being open and relaxed about his feelings.
I was shocked other day that he gave me a hug, a PROPPER hug, not an ironing board hug!

My ex husband found it hard to say those magic words and he almost choked when he first uttered them, but he showed his affection in other ways and words aren't always better than deeds.
My new partner is a lovely man, he can read me like a book! We tell each other that we love each other aften, he hugs me and does many things for me as I do for him. We give each other little presents, nothing big, perhaps a choccy bar when or make each other their favourite food as a 'suprise'.
My young daughter is treated in the same way and she responds in kind.
His young son is also treated the same way.

Meanwhile......
Melodiasu, you do deserve more than what you are getting.
At your age you should not be preparing yourself for taking on ohter peoples hang ups.
I agree that if you were 15/16 that your boyfirend is immature and will get there in the end, but you have been together for three years and he is 19. Take the opinion of someone who has been there, done that and worn the t-shirt out, if your boyfriend does this to you in private, you have two options, accep[t it as his way of showing affection and hope that he will change, or leave him for pastures new.
If he does it in public, leave him now, you are not a door mat or some sort of whipping boy for him to score points off with his mates, you deserve much much better.

I don't think it's at all wrong. Heck, if you know you love each other (or feel strongly) and you know you don't really mean it, it's not at all a problem.

^_^ It's nice to know we're not the only weird ones. ;)

Now "Pet" names are great......
Although we show each other great affection the mount of micky taking we do is equal the the amount of care and attention we give. But again there has to be that guide line and if it is done in public when it embarrasses, it's a no-no.

I have a significant other?!

I have found that when I'm with someone I care for deeply, it's difficult for me to say what I feel. As if there is literally some kind of physical complication in my throat or brain. I have regretted not saying what was on my mind after the relationship had passed every time, though.

This is something males in Western society are characterized as possessing, and I think it's true. Check out The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld. The title is deceiving. It's a psychology and sociological look at males in Western - and specifically, American - society in the modern context.

Well that might be a bit more information then we all need.
Might id say definatly!
It is unnatural for a man to show constant affection!

17 and 19 eh?
Well he should have grown out of the 'pig tail' pulling years by now!
However, what are his family like?
I have a friend who is the most loving and caring guy I know. He's thoughtful, respectful, would give you his last penny and will help out at the drop of a hat. BUT his girfriend feels the same way, he doesn't hug her rarely says that he sares for her and is often seemingly very nasty to her.
Why, because his parents are uncaring and unfeeling, they have never showed him much affection, they belittle whatever he does and I don't think he was ever hugged......
Now I am 47, I was brought up in a family who cares for each other, are demonstrative in their affection and as well as respecting and encouraging each other in what they do. He is 23, young enough to be my son, he knows that what is happening is wrong and he is determined to change, hopefully I'll be able to help and allow this fantastic lad the chance to have the pleasure of being open and relaxed about his feelings.
I was shocked other day that he gave me a hug, a PROPPER hug, not an ironing board hug!

My ex husband found it hard to say those magic words and he almost choked when he first uttered them, but he showed his affection in other ways and words aren't always better than deeds.
My new partner is a lovely man, he can read me like a book! We tell each other that we love each other aften, he hugs me and does many things for me as I do for him. We give each other little presents, nothing big, perhaps a choccy bar when or make each other their favourite food as a 'suprise'.
My young daughter is treated in the same way and she responds in kind.
His young son is also treated the same way.

Meanwhile......
Melodiasu, you do deserve more than what you are getting.
At your age you should not be preparing yourself for taking on ohter peoples hang ups.
I agree that if you were 15/16 that your boyfirend is immature and will get there in the end, but you have been together for three years and he is 19. Take the opinion of someone who has been there, done that and worn the t-shirt out, if your boyfriend does this to you in private, you have two options, accep[t it as his way of showing affection and hope that he will change, or leave him for pastures new.
If he does it in public, leave him now, you are not a door mat or some sort of whipping boy for him to score points off with his mates, you deserve much much better.


Sometimes I think it may be because of how he was raised.. or how he wasn't raised. The deal is, he is in a family of two parents and 5 kids, him being the oldest. His mom and dad don't discipline the kids at all so a couple of them are neurotic. Jeremy isn't neurotic, but a long time ago (before I met him), he got himself to the top of the food chain per se and can boss his parents around, as well as everyone else. Everyone in the family is mean to eachother and never ever seem to hang out together [Though my boyfriend has gone places with his brother, who is my age, and everyone is nice to the baby (4 yrs old)]. I don't quite agree with the whole burden thing.. Despite this he is actually a really good person. He himself has helped me out of my own burdens, because growing up shy can be really painful. He also goes out of his way to make people laugh even if he has problems that, in rationality (everyone intrprets problems differently) are a lot more extreme than theirs. He also amazes me often because despite his often portrayed bad ass attitude, he will mention somethign baout donating to charity or how he hates it when people abuse things that can't defend themselves (babies, animals, ect). He isn't mean to me , he just jokes around only, but oftentimes he tries to make the jokes sound as real as possible, and then afterwards just leave it as that-- not telling me it's a joke.. and thus hurt feelings. Lol
I think sometimes that maybe he just doesn't know how to be affectionate though, and has to learn.

He isn't a bad person, and he's

Seems like an odd question, but I am just curious. The thing is that my boyfriend shows love in a really odd, extremely confusing way... to the point where I sometimes believe he has no interest in me or just doesn't care. He doesn't show love through touching, kissing, even saying "I Love You". Instead, he teases/picks on me/jokes around. Is this normal?

As to answer my own question: I touch a lot (not pervertedly or anything), like hugging, surprise hugs, kissing, massaging. If he aches somewhere I massage it. But him food (I can't possibly affor dthe other things he wants, Lol) and give him fuschias that I grow (because they are the coolest flower ever-- though he never pays any attention to things like that that I give him).

Honestly.. I am just bummed out and confused to be frank.. It just depresses me. I have told him what I feel but he says that he is insulted that I would ever think that he doesn't love me. Can any of you relate to that? Explain this phenomenom!
Maybe he's an asperger, like me. Google for it. See if you find more symptons. I know aspergers doesn't like to be fysical with people.

edit: some symptons.

A.Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

(1) marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction
(2) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
(3) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
(4) lack of social or emotional reciprocity

B.Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

(1) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus
(2) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
(3) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)
(4) persistent preoccupation with parts of objects

Either way being gay or not shouldnt matter.
I think it does kind of make a bit of a difference - it might just be because I'm quite traditional in roles, and also know how bad physical abuse is, and it causes alot of emotional damage. But, yeah, when I first read that post I thought "that's really bad", then when I realised it was a gay relationship, I don't know, I thought that it made more sense in that context, because alot of the time men are alot more explosive in temper than women, and sometimes it expresses itself physically - so with two men, fights might be more physical than verbal. You wouldn't end a relationship just because of verbal arguments, so I think it makes more sense. I don't mean to be so presumptuous as to say this is always the case, so don't flame if you disagree. But I grew up surrounded by boys (I have two older brothers and their friends practically lived here), so that's how I perceive it.

It's just one of those things. Men don't like to talk about feelings. It's perceived as a sign of weakness, and younger males (from about 12 - 30(maybe older, depending on the guy and his mid-life crisis)) are terrified of being seen as weak.

There's also the commitment issue. I'm a 21 year old bloke, and frankly, while I can commit to things, I don't particularly like anyone else to know about it, just in case they start expecting me to actually uphold that commitment. I will uphold it, it's just that some one else EXPECTS me to that bugs me. I don't like to feel people are imposing stuff on me.

Finally, there's the fact that men just don't think about it that much. Correct me if I'm wrong, but to women the whole 'I love you' thing is much bigger than it is to men. Let's do a simple translation of the phrase 'I love you':

Woman: I feel deeply commited to you, I want to spend a sizable portion of the rest of my life with you, and maybe bear your children into this world that we might continue the species.

Man: I want some poontang.

This is mainly because, when you're 14, that's EXACTLY what it means, and so by the time you're old enough to say it for a good reason it seems a bit hollow and tacky. Unfortunately, there's no alternative phrase, so men are kinda comfortable with just assuming you KNOW we love you, otherwise we'd have run off with the girl in HR, and can you please just let me watch the end of this film?

Men don't need to vocalise their affection to feel it. Women don't either, but they tend to because they never have this nonsense phase where 'I love you' is the best way to open a girl's legs. Men spend most of their adult lives with their legs open in one fashion or another anyway, and NEVER complain when a girl climbs in between them.

So, in brief, we DO love you. It's just we don't say it, particularly not when the other guys are around, or we're trying to do something else (like solving the secrets of existence, or putting out a small fire, or cleaning out our navels). OK?

It is not like I say I love you constantly or even bother him constantly. The thing that bothers me is that wen we are alone, absolutely no one around, he is just as passive to me as if there were a crowd around us.


EDIT: I talked to him and he is one of those blunt, honest people and he said I am not clingy so, eh.

Seems like an odd question, but I am just curious. The thing is that my boyfriend shows love in a really odd, extremely confusing way... to the point where I sometimes believe he has no interest in me or just doesn't care. He doesn't show love through touching, kissing, even saying "I Love You". Instead, he teases/picks on me/jokes around. Is this normal?
First, I need to clear up what you mean by "teases/picks on me/jokes around". I assume that he's doing this in a playful, non-denigrating way and that you respond by laughing, playfully hitting him with a pillow, or otherwise responding positively to him. This is a very important assumption. If this isn't true, then you may have a problem.

That assumption made, then yes, this is perfectly normal. He's playing with you, he's having fun with you, he's enjoying your company, and making sure that you enjoy his company.

Besides, forget about whether or not it's normal; instead, ask yourself whether or not you enjoy it. If the both of you enjoy your time with each other, then does it matter if it's normal?

Just because something isn't normal doesn't necessarily imply that it's harmful.

...and give him fuschias that I grow (because they are the coolest flower ever-- though he never pays any attention to things like that that I give him).
It's very hard to evaluate the situation based on your word alone, but my guess is that he may not be interested so much in what you give him as much as he's interested in the fact that you're giving him something because you love him. Just be sure never to use this as an excuse to give him something neither you nor he cares about.

Honestly.. I am just bummed out and confused to be frank.. It just depresses me. I have told him what I feel but he says that he is insulted that I would ever think that he doesn't love me. Can any of you relate to that? Explain this phenomenom!
He may not always tell you that he loves you, but if he's truly worth your heart, then he'll show you that he loves you.

I remind my wife verbally and physically(kisses) that I love her. Not all the time. But where I think it's appropriate. I don't agree with saying "I love you" at the drop of the hat. It takes away from the statement a bit.
Agreed. "I love you" is a statement that means less the more a guy utters it, especially if the guy overuses it.

I really just gave him one fuschia and I did that like twice. He says I love you before going to sleep, but other than that he has said that sayign I love you is stupid.. and when I say it to him he just says "I know". Maybe I am too romantic for him or something.. it's exhausting pouring out whatever you can and not even getting I nice big hug for it. @_@

By the way, we have been dating for almost 3 years o.o
To reiterate: He may prefer to show it rather than say it.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of Ambrosia

Seems like an odd question, but I am just curious.
I don't ... simply because I lack a significant other

First, I need to clear up what you mean by "teases/picks on me/jokes around". I assume that he's doing this in a playful, non-denigrating way and that you respond by laughing, playfully hitting him with a pillow, or otherwise responding positively to him. This is a very important assumption. If this isn't true, then you may have a problem.

That assumption made, then yes, this is perfectly normal. He's playing with you, he's having fun with you, he's enjoying your company, and making sure that you enjoy his company.

Besides, forget about whether or not it's normal; instead, ask yourself whether or not you enjoy it. If the both of you enjoy your time with each other, then does it matter if it's normal?

Just because something isn't normal doesn't necessarily imply that it's harmful.


It's very hard to evaluate the situation based on your word alone, but my guess is that he may not be interested so much in what you give him as much as he's interested in the fact that you're giving him something because you love him. Just be sure never to use this as an excuse to give him something neither you nor he cares about.


He may not always tell you that he loves you, but if he's truly worth your heart, then he'll show you that he loves you.


Agreed. "I love you" is a statement that means less the more a guy utters it, especially if the guy overuses it.


To reiterate: He may prefer to show it rather than say it.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of Ambrosia


Sometimes it is easy to tell when he is joking, but a lot of the times he can say something rude (meaning it as a joke) but try to make it sound real (which he is good at) and I get upset, and even then he doesn't tell me it is a joke until it bothers me so much that I like.. can't speak or something.

Saying I love you isn't that important to me. The thing is that he doesn't even show it, and from what he has told me STRIVES to not show it because he doesn't want to be like other people or something. The only reason I mentioned saying I Love You is because he thought that sayign it was stupid.

As for giving him the flower thing.. the only reason that stuck in my mind is because when I showed it to him he just looked at it and said "Hmm.." and then nothing else. I left it on a desk and when I came back a few days later it was still there but all.. withered away and stuff.. which is normal.. but I was hoping he would have at least looked at it or something.. Other than those two flower incidents, I will cook at lot at my house and bring him over food a lot of the time, since I figure that the stomahc is oen of the few ways I can make him happy and all. He refuses to say thank you (He tries to never say thank you and you're welcome.. I am not sure why but he thinks saying that is dumb also) so I just look for a smile or something =P

It is not like I say I love you constantly or even bother him constantly. The thing that bothers me is that wen we are alone, absolutely no one around, he is just as passive to me as if there were a crowd around us.

Still doesn't detract from 'I love you' being a phrase ALL MEN HATE. It verbalises the commitment you know you've made but would rather no-one else knew about. If you show someone you love them, then they know, and you know, but NOTHING HAS BEEN SAID. there is nothing to go down on the record. It just IS. This is far better, for reasons no man can quite work out. If anyone can, please tell me so I can stop doing this sort of thing.

Personally, I've never understood why it matter so much to be told that someone loves you. Apart from the fact the only cool answer you can give to it is 'I know', which really pisses your girlfriend off (garanteed!), it's just three silly little words. I think perhaps that may be it. To men, it's a small trite phrase. To women, it means all sorts of stuff. AND MEN HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT STUFF IS. We could be agreeing to sign our souls away to Satan by saying that. It just doesn't seems as important as having fun with your girlfriend, so why is she so bothered about it? What's she up to? What will she do if I say it? If I say 'I love you', will she start planning out our entire lives, right down to what the kids are going to be called, where we're gonna live, and what I'm going to have to work as to support the family?

Also, remember the poor bugger's only 19. I certainly didn't want to have to say those words when I was 19 (not desperately keen on them now, to be honest), especially since I still have no real idea why they're so powerful. Just be glad he says them before he falls asleep.

Sometimes it is easy to tell when he is joking, but a lot of the times he can say something rude (meaning it as a joke) but try to make it sound real (which he is good at) and I get upset, and even then he doesn't tell me it is a joke until it bothers me so much that I like.. can't speak or something.

Just sounds like he's a bit clumsy with his reparte. He'll grow out of this soon enough, and his timing will improve.

Saying I love you isn't that important to me. The thing is that he doesn't even show it, and from what he has told me STRIVES to not show it because he doesn't want to be like other people or something. The only reason I mentioned saying I Love You is because he thought that sayign it was stupid.

Sounds like he's terrified of showing it. This probably means it's far more likely he does love you. For some reason, it's a lot easier to be intimate with a girl you only 'kinda' fancy, rather than one you really, really like, even if you've been together for quite a while. Again, this disappears when you get to be about twenty. He's just developing a little late.

As for giving him the flower thing.. the only reason that stuck in my mind is because when I showed it to him he just looked at it and said "Hmm.." and then nothing else. I left it on a desk and when I came back a few days later it was still there but all.. withered away and stuff.. which is normal.. but I was hoping he would have at least looked at it or something.. Other than those two flower incidents, I will cook at lot at my house and bring him over food a lot of the time, since I figure that the stomahc is oen of the few ways I can make him happy and all. He refuses to say thank you (He tries to never say thank you and you're welcome.. I am not sure why but he thinks saying that is dumb also) so I just look for a smile or something =P

Does he smile? This is important. If not, then he's using you as a house slave. Does he ever seem pleased to see you? How long do you spend together most days?

Incidently, don't give guys flowers. We just don't 'get' the flower thing. It's kind of 'Oh. Plants.'. Women like them, because women like pretty things that smell nice (and also like men, for some reason.) Men like big noisy things made of metal, and videos where lots of people die very quickly (and also women.). Think of it like this: He doesn't need pretty things which smell nice, because he's got a girlfriend, and girlfriends ALWAY look pretty and smell nice to their boyfriend. For similar reasons (though diametrically opposed), you have no need of a pet rabid bear with poor personal hygiene, as you have a boyfriend.

The whole 'please', 'thank you' and 'you're welcome' thing is a phase as well. I went through it. They are, essentially, wasted words, since they exist only for the sake of politeness, and politeness is a load of nonsense. He will, however, at some stage, realise that not saying these things makes him seem like a total git.

Lol, trust me.. I have given up on the flower thing. He does smile most of the time (Following with "You dork".. which I am glad I know is a good thing). Usually he smiles or something when I walk in (Followed by "What are you doing here, you dork" which I know is a good thing, Lol). Sometimes he doesn't take much notice, but I am learning to not be serious about that, since he is probably watching something, and when he is busy I try to let him be, and I will either watch it with him or draw or something. Then there are times when he knows or even asks for me to come over but then stays onthe computer most of the itme I am there... Luckily that is getting less frequent.

Lol, trust me.. I have given up on the flower thing. He does smile most of the time (Following with "You dork".. which I am glad I know is a good thing). Usually he smiles or something when I walk in (Followed by "What are you doing here, you dork" which I know is a good thing, Lol). Sometimes he doesn't take much notice, but I am learning to not be serious about that, since he is probably watching something, and when he is busy I try to let him be, and I will either watch it with him or draw or something. Then there are times when he knows or even asks for me to come over but then stays on the computer most of the itme I am there... Luckily that is getting less frequent.

Then you're worrying about nothing. He's always happy to see you. I'll bet he's got a slightly sadistic sense of humour, hasn't he? Just bear in mind he's not serious at any point when he's being nasty, and it simply amuses him to be unpleasant to everyone. I do it. It takes a lot of work to get to do it properly, and I only really got the hang of it recently myself.

As for the computer thing.... Yeah, all men do that. It's just if you're doing something VITALLY important (including taking Exeter City to the FA cup final in Championship Manager 3, arguing with American on the NS general forum, formatting your hard drive) then it kinda consumes you for a bit. So while you're sitting there getting increasingly pissed off that the BASTARD got you to come ALL THE WAY down to his and he CAN'T BE BOTHERED getting off his STUPID COMPUTER... He's not realised it's been four hours. On behalf of all men to all women, we're very, very, very sorry. It's not our fault. We're simple folk in our way.

Just my 2 cents (well maybe 3)....It's bothering you to a point anyway, or you wouldn't be bringing it up. Only few options, one can adjust to it, or move on. Can't really expect someone to change, they only do that if they want to themselves, and it could be a long wait for that.
Maybe need someone more like you. I'm kind of a insecure snugglebug, and I finally found a lady that is the same (just took me almost half my life).
You need to do some soul searching, and come up with the answer that is right for you....best of luck :)

Usually we trade a few punches and kicks just to show each other that we love each other. Yes, that sounds weird, but we do it anyway. We like to gauge our streanth.

Other than that...A great deal of hugs.

Just to reiterate my first point...She aims low.

My left hand gets all the love my right dosent get a look in! :eek: :p
Well, sounds to me like that other hand might get in on some spooning action!
Or, maybe it needs to "trot" around back and see what the other side is missing!
Or/and maybe it needs a little traipse through the "underbrush" until it reaches the punching bags, and then a little workout with some quick flicks of the index finger to them! They're great! They expand and contract (moreso if one employs the use of IcyHot)
Maybe in the sense of yin/yang the right hand should only join at the climax, doing of course, the opposite of the other.
There's manuals on this kind of stuff!

I show my love to my significant other by exhausting them in every manner i can conceive of .... physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially.
Most of those can coincide, like when i bang pots and pans over her head at 3.30 in the morning and yelling out "Sweet Caroline" from Neil Diamond (too bad her name isn't Caroline but i don't sense her having a problem with that) and i summarily chase her over to her parents' basement where she usually smacks me with their rake and while i'm down she ties me up in electrical cords and plugs in her "stimulator" and then we have a good old time physically. It really works out 'cause her parents were always concerned about her running off to join the circus but they can usually hear us and so they know she's not going anywhere. Then i pout it out a little and she tells me we can sell some pictures down by the market square, but that gets boring so we usually try to solicit passers-by to help us out with a few things that we can't quite manage with just two people some props and/or livestock.
Good thing she's really quick with her fingers or we'd never make any money other than the pictures we sell.
I guess that about sums it up, it might be a little sad that we are usually too drunk or under the influence of something to speak coherently before we pass out, but i'm sure she tries to mutter "I love you" to me, with or without the drool.


*Seriously though, there's plenty of good-intent folk here with good advice. What works for me isn't necessarily for everyone.