NationStates Jolt Archive

"Who can stop forest fires?"

*Barts presses 'YOU'*

"You have pressed 'YOU', referring to me. That is incorrect. The correct answer is 'YOU'.

This seems to get me everytime. What about you guys?

Dr Nick: Don't worry, it's inflamable

TOO MANY TO COUNT

GAHHHH!!!!

*head explodes*

We are developing a new dance called the Penetrada... it makes sex look like a church.

Marge: "Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you."
Homer: "Batman?"
Marge: "No, he's a scientist."
Homer: "Batman's a scientist."
Marge: "It's NOT Batman."

Fran

Peter: Dad, I love the bible!

Peter's Dad: Oh really, what's your favorite verse?

Peter: Uhh, the one where Jesus swallows a puzzle piece and the man in the yellow hat has to take him to the hospital.

*I'm not sure if that's the EXACT wording, but it's really close.

Dr Nick: Don't worry, it's inflamable
Homer (carrying Marge out of the power plant):
Im going out to my car with the woman I love!!! ...and Im not going to be back for five minutes!!

He says it so slick! As if five minutes was some amazing feat of longevity - I crack up every time!!

Otto: They call em fingers... but Ive never seen em fing!!!

(a few moments pass by)

Whoa!!! There they go!!

(good cripes I laugh! Almost as hard as the scene from that same episode when homer is high and shaving... god what a blast!!)

Family Guy:

Chris on the diving board of a public pool when a life-guardy type guy comes over and talks to Peter who's standing nearby:

"Sir, you can't park your van on the diving board."

Peter: "That's not a van...that's my son."

Lifeguard calls to another guy off screen: "Hey...hey, its notta van! It's just a fat kid!"

family guy
when peter was at a bar with the dude in the wheel chair(i forgot his name)

peter: finally i found someone to wear this training bra, here so your budding breast have a place to relax

My favorite line is when Burns sees that Homer has painted "I am Homer Simpson" across the wall and says to Homer, "Who the devil are you?"

Ralph Wiggum:

"My cat's breath smells like cat food."

"What's a battle?"

"YEAH!!! Sleep, that's where I'm a Viking?"

There's so many good ones...

Homer makes some comment about Bart shutting up or something...

Bart: "sorry for being born"
Homer hugs bart: "i was waiting for you to say that"

Ralph Wiggum:

"My cat's breath smells like cat food."

"What's a battle?"

"YEAH!!! Sleep, that's where I'm a Viking?"

There's so many good ones...
"Hi supernintendo Chalmers"

Scene: Guy in front of Stewy on the plane muttered complaint about being by a baby.

"What was that? Hey, I'm talking to you! Oh, ignoring me, eh? OK, I was going to watch the movie, but for the next five hours you're my bitch!"
*gets back in seat, kicks guy's chair repeatedly*
"Wah! I'm a baby in need of attention! I could be hungry, I could be thirsty, but you don't know, because I'm a baby! Wah!"

Ralph Wiggum:

"My cat's breath smells like cat food."

"What's a battle?"

"YEAH!!! Sleep, that's where I'm a Viking?"

There's so many good ones...
"My doctor says I wouldnt have so many nosebleeds if I stopped putting my crayons up there!! Hes s-silly!!!

Family Guy

Doctor: Well Rudolph, we finally figured out what makes your nose red.
Rudolph: Is it pixie dust? Or, or leprechaun tails?
Doctor: No, its a tumor.
Rudolph: You mean, like a magical christmas tumor?
Doctor: No... a malignent tumor. The base of which is lodged deep within your brain.
Rudolph: Oh. [pause] Like a happy special...
Doctor: You're going to die.

and...

Guy 1: Hey, you want a piece of gum?
Guy 2: Oh, thanks.
Guy 1: Ha ha! That was joke gum.
Guy 2: What do you mean?
Guy 1: Now you're addicted to heroin. [laughs]
Guy 2: [laughs][shivers] I'm cold.

Not the exact quote, but it will do, from Krusty for Kongress

(Adressing a bunch of republicans:)
Krusty: Are you guys any good at covering up youthful and middle-aged indiscretions?
Mr. Burns: Are these indiscretions romantic, financial, or treasonous?
Krusty: Russian hooker. You tell me.

Family Guy

Doctor: Well Rudolph, we finally figured out what makes your nose red.
Rudolph: Is it pixie dust? Or, or leprechaun tails?
Doctor: No, its a tumor.
Rudolph: You mean, like a magical christmas tumor?
Doctor: No... a malignent tumor. The base of which is lodged deep within your brain.
Rudolph: Oh. [pause] Like a happy special...
Doctor: You're going to die.

and...

Guy 1: Hey, you want a piece of gum?
Guy 2: Oh, thanks.
Guy 1: Ha ha! That was joke gum.
Guy 2: What do you mean?
Guy 1: Now you're addicted to heroin. [laughs]
Guy 2: [laughs][shivers] I'm cold.
OMG!! I just about fell off my chair laughing when I seen these!! (My co-workers already think Im insane - so its ok) The scenes these are in are awesome! Rudolph just looks like such a perfect dope!

This thread rules!! :p

Mr. Burns is on a date with a younger woman and he's using Homer to help him out...they're getting along pretty good and Burn's leans over and says to Homer:
"Put my hand on her knee."

He moves his Burn's hand under the table. Burns says:
"I said 'her'...and I said 'knee'".

Doctor: Mr. Simpson, this procedure will either increase your thinking power, or kill you.

Homer: Increase my killing power?

Mr. Burns is on a date with a younger woman and he's using Homer to help him out...they're getting along pretty good and Burn's leans over and says to Homer:
"Put my hand on her knee."

He moves his Burn's hand under the table. Burns says:
"I said 'her'...and I said 'knee'".
Hah.

Chris and Stewie at Stewie's first birthday party:

Chris: Do you want any ice cream, Stewie?
Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I will kill you!

Doctors explained to Homer that he has a crayon lodged in his brain from early childhood.

Homer: There's a crayon in my brain?

Homer points to his chest. Doctor picks up his finger and correctly places it on his head.

the simpsons episode where manjula finds out that apu is cheating and wants to get a divorce. i love the scene where she's talking to the lawyer (not word-for-word but i'll try)

Lawyer: Are you sure that's ALL you want? Legally, I am allowed to hold him by the ankles and shake him to see what falls out, as established in 'Lawyers vs. Justice.' AHh, that was a glorious day for us.

Manjula: I have eight children. Will that affect the settlement?

Lawyer: *cackles diabolically* Perhaps. *jumps on desk and starts dancing*

Manjula: No offense, but you remind me of the monkey-man who slaughtered my family's chickens.

Lawyer: Yes, I get that a lot.

Manjula: I'm starting to have second thoughts... *walks away*

Lawyer: When will you humans learn that your FEELINGS, as you call them, can get in the way of BIG CASH PAYOFFS? Mwahahaha! *jumps on desk and starts dancing again*

haha priceless

*Peter is on an "island" on the show Survivor.*
Peter: How could you wash your close in our drinking water?! Now we'll die in this harsh, unforgiving land... *Runs into the set, the background falls over, Bob Barker and a person are at the wheel on the set of the Price is Right*
Bob: Alright, make sure the wheel goes all the way around.
Peter: Uhh... Oh no, cannibals, aaah...I'm fired, aren't I?

Family Guy - woman asks peter for his name

*looks around, sees something with P on it*
"er..Pe..er"
*looks around, sees something with ter on it*
"Pe...ter..."
*looks out window, a griffin flies past
"Pe...ter...Griffin. Peter Griffin! Ah, crap"

Much rofling

Doctors explained to Homer that he has a crayon lodged in his brain from early childhood.

Homer: There's a crayon in my brain?

Homer points to his chest. Doctor picks up his finger and correctly places it on his head.
Hah I just quoted that episode

And for my third quote :D :

Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running?
Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.

Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.

I *heart* Peter.

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

---------------------------------

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

---------------------------------

Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.

Doctors explained to Homer that he has a crayon lodged in his brain from early childhood.

Homer: There's a crayon in my brain?

Homer points to his chest. Doctor picks up his finger and correctly places it on his head.


Heh heh...I think whereas Peter started out incredibly dumb, Homer gets less intelligent by the season.

"You know what I haven't had in a while? (pauses) Big league Chew."

"No, Chris, it's step hip, step pivot. Are you trying to piss off the volcano?"

"Mr. Griffin, I'm sentencing you to 24 months in prison. (peter's family) Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! (Kool aid guy bursts through door) OH YEAH!"

"What is your fat ass doing here? He's my only means of conveyence. But I guess I do spoil him. Clearly you do."

"You know mother, life is like a box of chocalates, you never know what you're gonna get. But for you, life is like a box of ACTIVE GRENADES!"

You're Jewish, you do my taxes. I'm Irish, I drink beer and ban homosexuals from marching in my parades."

"Well, I didn't have gas until I was 30. (Flashback to 70's) (peter farts) What the hell was that?"

"Touche, Salesman."

"You know, I think it'd be even better if you hugged. Very good. Now, rub her back. Yeah, you like that don't ya- oh it's ok to like it. Now smell her."

"You ain't never gonna catch me, see y'all next year!"

Family Guy:

Lois: Come on Stewie, you know you can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables.
Stewie: Well, then I shall sit here until one of us expires, and you've got a good forty years on me, woman.
Lois: Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane ...
Stewie: Never! Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers.

"Flappy...good news..i've decided not to kill you!"
-Stewie, Family Guy-

"I'd love to stay and chat, but your a total bitch"
-Stewie, Family Guy-

"How dare you sully my good name by spreading your slanderous filth"
-Stewie, Family Guy-

"Here's to alcohol : The cause of ... and answer to all of life's problems"
-Homer Simpson-

"Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my alpahabits. It says 'OOOOOOO'" "Peter, those are cheerios"
-Peter and Brian, Family Guy-

"Scientists.. please.. settle down.. PI IS EXACTLY THREE!!.. im sorry it had to come to that"
-Professor Frink, Simpsons-

"This comedian couldn't make me laugh even if i was laughing my arse off and he was making me do it!!"
-Peter, Family Guy-

"Me fail English? That's umpossible."
-Ralph Wiggum

"I play Jerry 'Fireball' Mudflap; a feisty supreme court justic who's searching for his birth mother, whilst competing in a cross country firetruck race. It's.....garbage."
-Burt Reynolds in the Simpsons (No idea why, but this one cracks me and my brother up everytime!)

Anything from the episode with Hank Scorpio in it :P

Peter: "Brain, quick!"

Peter and Brian connect their rings together.

In Unison: "Wondertwin Powers Activate!"

Peter: "Form-of ... steam!"

Brian: "Peter, we got these in a box of Frankenberries."

"They have the Internet on computers now?" :D

---

*When Mr. X (aka Homer) is receiving a medal. Can't remember exact words*

Mayor Quimby: And for saving us all, Mr X will receive this medal. However, as we don't know who he is, we will give the medal, and the $10,000 prize, to the orphans.

Homer (in crowd): Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

*Runs up*

Homer: I'm Mr X!

Mayor Quimby: Oh yeah, prove it.

*Puts bag with question mark on head*

Homer: See?

---

*After Homer feels worthless because his perfect bowling game is no longer famous*

Marge: You know, sometimes it's good to talk about these things with your life partner.

Homer: You're right!

*Cuts to Moe's, with Homer talking to Moe about his problems*

Moe: Homer, as your life partner, I'm very concerned.

---

There's too many!

I have two favorites from Ralph:

"Ms. Crabapple, I ate my pencil may I have another one?"

and

"Ahhhhh, this tastes like burning!"

Simpsons

Hi, I'm Troy Maclure! You may remember me from such self help films as " Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Confident, Stupid".

Hi, I'm Troy Maclure! You may remember me from such school films as "Firecrackers, the Silent Killers" and "Lockerroom towel-fight, the Blinding of Larry Driscol"

Lionel Hutz: Your honor I wanna do one of those court thingies...
Judge:You mean object?
Hutz: Yeah, thats why your the judge and I'm the law talkin guy.
Judge: You mean lawyer?

Simpsons

Dr. Nick: Mr. Simpson, there are many options for dangerously underweight individuals such as yourself. I recommend a slow gorging process accompanied by a strict regimen of assle-horizontology.
Homer: But doctor, what can I do to speed the whole thing up?
Nick: Be creative! Instead of gum, chew bacon. Instead of bread, use Poptarts.

German Tour Guide:
You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian Griffin:
Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
Tour guide:
Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian Griffin:
Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
Tour Guide:
We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian Griffin:
You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide:
Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian Griffin:
A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland. (You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany.)
[throws his hand up in a Hitler salute]

Brian Griffin: ...uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.

Dr Nick: Don't worry, it's inflamable

Inflammable means flammable?! Oy! Vot a country!

From the Family Guy episode where Peter and Lois are trying to have another baby Brian and Peter are assembling a crib.

Brian: Now, insert rod support A into Slot B
Peter: That's what she...
Brian: If you say "that's what she said" one more time I'm gonna pop you.
------------------
Peter at a press conference: "Hey, from down there does it look like I'm talking into a bunch of robot penises?"
------------------

Homer Simpson:"Since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours"
Grandpa:"Oh this is gonna be sweet!"

Abe Simpson to that other old dude sitting a on a park bench after drinking that hallucinegenic drink looking like Beavis and Butthead: "hehe, we're so old, hehe"

riding a circus elephant...
Peter Griffin: Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change.

Stewie:[to ticket agent] Now listen to me...
[looks at agent's name tag]
Stewie Griffin: Jo-LENE. I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal AND NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.

Lois: Peter. You're bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"?


Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter Griffin: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter Griffin: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

Tom Tucker: Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined ammount of time. Of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
[they laugh]
Cameraman: You guys, we're still on in Boston.
[Tom and Diane stare in horror]

Doctor: Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine.
Peter Griffin: Now what? Are you coming on to me?
Lois Griffin: Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you you're healthy.
Doctor: ...Can't it be both?

Stewie Griffin: Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.

Peter Griffin: I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together.
Announcer: [For Homicide: Life on Sesame Street] This show contains adult content, and is brought to you by the letter H.
Bert: [Answering phone] Hello? Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.
[Gets out of bed and gets dressed]
Bert: Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.
Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED.
Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.

Bully (forgot which one) "Dude, you where kissing a girl. Thats so gay."

For a science project Lisa makes a robot that correct grammar errors.

Lise shows it to Homer:


Homer: Me like beer
Robot: I like beer
Homer: Oh, it likes beer

Not propably exactly those word, but close.

Stewie: Some say life is like a box of chocolates mother...but for you its more like a box of ACTIVE HAND GRENADES!!!

I have to admit, I had trouble picking a Family Guy quote, the funniest parts are always the non sequitors and someone beat me to "it's in my daiper and it's not a toaster."

Chris talking to a girl at a party "Oh no! Somebody peed in my pants!"
Quagmire in the Lesbian bar trying to be slick "So, either of you ladies ever been penetrated?"

Homer: Lisa, Vampires are makebelieve, like elves, dwarves and Eskimoes.

When Marge joined the Police Academy I thought it would be fun and exciting, you know? Like that move... Spaceballs. But instead it's been painful and humiliating like that movie Police Academy.

Scene: Guy in front of Stewy on the plane muttered complaint about being by a baby.

"What was that? Hey, I'm talking to you! Oh, ignoring me, eh? OK, I was going to watch the movie, but for the next five hours you're my bitch!"
*gets back in seat, kicks guy's chair repeatedly*
"Wah! I'm a baby in need of attention! I could be hungry, I could be thirsty, but you don't know, because I'm a baby! Wah!"

I haven't seen that episode, but just reading that made me laugh. I really need to see more Family Guy.

"Good morning class. A certain...agitator...for privacy's sake let's call her...Lisa S. No, that's too obvious...uuuh, let's say L. Simpson --

[Lisa slaps her forehead in a slient D'oh!]

-- has raised questions about certain school policies. So, in the interest in creating an open dialogue, sit silently and watch this film."

~Principal Skinner

Homer: It's UterUS MArge, not UterYOU.

There are more, it's just too early (it's midday! I just woke up...) for this kind of thing.

Stewie Griffin quotes:

Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle i find, i shall KILL you.

Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster

Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Oh, we're playing house.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house

You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence ... gotta get me some of that.

Can I count to three? For God's sake, I'm already shooting at a fifth grade level.

I love God. He's so deliciously evil.

Job Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in 5 years?
(you hear Peter's thoughts: Don't say doin' your wife, don't say doin your wife, don't say doin your wife)
Peter: Doin' your....son?

After congress fails to save Springfield from a comet because of red tape:
Kent Brockman:"I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Democracy just DOES NOT work!"

Excuse how foggy and vague my memories of this are. I believe Bart and Lisa got into Kidz News or something like that, and Bart has developed into a corrupt journalist.

(in deathly solemness)

"Why does it have to be this way? Why are the ducks no longer in this pond? Maybe it's the fact that this pond has dried up. Maybe it's the ducks in this other pond, two feet away. But there is just no more room...for an old man, and his ducks."

Here's a couple of my favorites
Simpsons:
Homer:I'll go to forgiving sea to live my life. Unlike those stupid mountains. I hate them SO MUCH(Shaking fist)!

Family Guy:
After plagues have come to the Griffin home because Peter calls himself god
Peter: There's gotta be a logical explanation for all this!
Brian:I'll give you an explanation, GOD(slaps Peter) IS(slaps again) PISSED(slaps again)!

Hitler: Today on Hitler we've been talking with Hollywood hunk Christian slater.
Hitler: Now, they tell me in your next movie we get to see your butt!
Slater: Yes, yes you do.
Hitler: Can, can we see it right now?
Slater: Well uhm, alright Hitler.
Hitler: Oh, oh, he's going to do it.
Hitler: If you're going to be in the Los Angeles Area und would like tickets to Hitler just call 213-DU WERDEST EINE KRANKEN-SCHWESTER BRAUCHEN!

Hitler: Today on Hitler we've been talking with Hollywood hunk Christian slater.
Hitler: Now, they tell me in your next movie we get to see your butt!
Slater: Yes, yes you do.
Hitler: Can, can we see it right now?
Slater: Well uhm, alright Hitler.
Hitler: Oh, oh, he's going to do it.
Hitler: If you're going to be in the Los Angeles Area und would like tickets to Hitler just call 213-DU WERDEST EINE KRANKEN-SCHWESTER BRAUCHEN!
hahahaha, that has to be my favourite :D :D :D

German Tour Guide:
You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian Griffin:
Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
Tour guide:
Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian Griffin:
Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
Tour Guide:
We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian Griffin:
You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide:
Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian Griffin:
A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland. (You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany.)
[throws his hand up in a Hitler salute]

Brian Griffin: ...uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.

That one has to be one of my favourites. Along with these;
[Family is trying to hide from mobsters]
Peter Griffin: Don't worry, I got it all worked out. We'll move to England, huh? Worst they got there is, you know, drive-by... arguments...
[Meanwhile, in England]
Englishman: I say, Jeremy, isn't that Reginald B. Stifworth, the young upstart chap who's been touting the merits of a united European commonwealth?
Jeremy: Why yes, I daresay it is.
Englishman: Oh, let's get him.
[They drive up]
Englishman: Oh Reginald... I disagree.
[drives off]

Stewie: "I say! The fat man made a funny! I say Lois, if you cooked any slower... well you wouldn't be cooking very fast now would you? No... that's not good at all... if you cooked any slower, you wouldn't need an egg timer, you'd need an egg calander! Thats right, I went there."

Quagmire: "Hello there, cutie. How old are you?"
Girl: "Sixteen."
Quagmire: "Eighteen? You're first."
Girl: "MOM!"
Quagmire: "I like where this is going."

Milhouse (can't remember context): It'll be like that movie, Speed 2! Except instead of a boat, it'll be a bus!

Continuing on same theme...

Homer: I once saw this movie about a bus that had to speed around a town, and if its speed ever dropped below 50, it would explode! I think it was called The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.

---

*Homer is praying, looking at the ceiling, when Marge comes in*

Marge: Homer, that isn't God, that's a waffle stuck to the ceiling.

*Knocks it off, into Homer's hands*

Homer: I know I shouldn't Lord...

*Eats waffle*

Homer: Mmmmm....sacrilicious!

Bully (forgot which one) "Dude, you where kissing a girl. Thats so gay."

Jimbo I think

Stewie:

"What are you all staring at? Its tuna fish..... and nothing else...."

"You two! Fight to the death!"

I found a new fav:

Family Guy:

Man - Well, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, what will it be? Will it be the boat? Or what's in the mystery box?
Lois - Uh, I think we'll go with the boat, right Peter?
Peter- Wait a minute, Lois. A boat's a boat, but the mystery box could be anything; it could even be a boat!

I found a new fav:

Family Guy:

Man - Well, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, what will it be? Will it be the boat? Or what's in the mystery box?
Lois - Uh, I think we'll go with the boat, right Peter?
Peter- Wait a minute, Lois. A boat's a boat, but the mystery box could be anything; it could even be a boat!
Same episode:

Peter: Lois, you're acting as if this was the first time I did something stupid. Remember that time with the boat?

Lois: Peter, that was 10 minutes ago.

Peter: Optimus Prime is jewish?

Peter: Optimus Prime is jewish?

That's Hilarious!

Dr Nick: Don't worry, it's inflamable
Yeah but thats just a stupid word!

"No MArge Trying is the first step to failure."

*Duffman gets a sticker slapped to his face*

"Duffman can't breath! Ooooh-yeah!"

------

*Barney is flying the helicopter and is distracted*

Instructor: "Power lines! POWER LINES!"

*Duffman gets a sticker slapped to his face*

"Duffman can't breath! Ooooh-yeah!"

------

*Barney is flying the helicopter and is distracted*

Instructor: "Power lines! POWER LINES!"
"Silver bullets."


Stewie:
"That was too easy ghood rthing i wasnt going for your galleyhole."
Devo guy walks in and sees Tied up Cheerleader.

Devo Guy:
Lips Legs Tits and Ass.

News Reporter:
Guess Timmy should have asked for some Blockers too."

Peter is asked for his name:
Pic of Peat pops into his head.
Peat is said
Pic of Tar pops into his head
Tar is Said
Griffen pops into his head
Griffen is said.

Peter Griffen. :eek:

Peter is asked for his name:
Pic of Peat pops into his head.
Peat is said
Pic of Tar pops into his head
Tar is Said
Griffen pops into his head
Griffen is said.

Peter Griffen. :eek:
It went like this:

He saw someone eating dinner and there was peas in their plate.

"Pea..."

He saw someone crying.

"Tear..."

A griffin flies in through the window.

"Griffin!"

"My name is Peter Griffin!"

"Silver bullets."


Stewie:
"That was too easy ghood rthing i wasnt going for your galleyhole."
Devo guy walks in and sees Tied up Cheerleader.

Devo Guy:
Lips Legs Tits and Ass.

News Reporter:
Guess Timmy should have asked for some Blockers too."

Peter is asked for his name:
Pic of Peat pops into his head.
Peat is said
Pic of Tar pops into his head
Tar is Said
Griffen pops into his head
Griffen is said.

Peter Griffen. :eek:

:D

I found this one amusing:
*Burn's monkey comes in bandaged etc. after Burns was away for a long period time*
Burns: Furious George! What've they done to you!

Attention Family Guy MOvie.
:eek:

Ive also heard American Dad is gona be a Series!

I think the Peter says his name is from the episode were gets a fatal disease namely Postramiitis(or whateva) and wishs that the TV programe wolud come back on the air.

www.imdb.com
Normally www.imdb.com
has quotes and i know ive seen them there but i just cant find them. :confused: :(

EDIT:MAn im having a bad Day i posted this link twice www.imdb.comCrickey. :confused:

I foung the Quotes its under memorable Quotes just not Quotes!

It went like this:

He saw someone eating dinner and there was peas in their plate.

"Pea..."

He saw someone crying.

"Tear..."

A griffin flies in through the window.

"Griffin!"

"My name is Peter Griffin!"
MAybe im the one that has these images flashing thru my head???
Thanks Darling. :( :fluffle:

EDIT: actually im sure it was from the Hospital but eh i havent seen it in 4 or 5 years so *Shrugs shoulders* ;)

Chris - "Oh no, it's the government! Run ET, run!"

Peter *after having ridiculously long fight scene with a giant chicken* - "Chicken..gave me a bad coupon.."


Homer - "No TV and no beer makes Homer something something.."
Marge - "Go crazy?"
Homer - "Don't mind if I do. *coes crazy*"

Fine i could bump but ill do this instead!

Tom Tucker: Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined ammount of time. Of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
[they laugh]
Cameraman: You guys, we're still on in Boston.
[Tom and Diane stare in horror]


Peter Griffin: I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together.
Announcer: [For Homicide: Life on Sesame Street] This show contains adult content, and is brought to you by the letter H.
Bert: [Answering phone] Hello? Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.
[Gets out of bed and gets dressed]
Bert: Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.
Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED.
Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.

Stewie Griffin: [to ticket agent] Now listen to me...
[looks at agent's name tag]
Stewie Griffin: Jo-LENE. I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal AND NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.

Stewie *something about cupcakes* - "..but not sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you."

Chris - "Oh no, it's the government! Run ET, run!"

Peter *after having ridiculously long fight scene with a giant chicken* - "Chicken..gave me a bad coupon.."


Homer - "No TV and no beer makes Homer something something.."
Marge - "Go crazy?"
Homer - "Don't mind if I do. *coes crazy*"
Ha ha that chicken scene was so funny might have been the 1st episode i ever saw or close to it!

My favourite Simpson's quote...Halo style....

http://files2.bungie.org/Canyonero.mov

My favourite Simpson's quote...Halo style....

http://files2.bungie.org/Canyonero.mov

I don't have permission... :(

Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie Griffin: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."

Stewie Griffin: Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.

Stewie Griffin: Damn you, vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your wretched womb.

Bart is quizzing Homer after he becomes Bart's hero:

Bart: What religion are you Dad?

Homer: You know, that one, with all the ideas, that don't pan out in real life... Christianity!

Bart: Do you wear boxers, or briefs?

Homer: Nope.



On Family Guy, Brian reminds Peter of his capabilities as a driver:

*Roadrunner comes tearing down the road, to pause at the camera. Run down at high speed by Peter.*

Cut to car, where Peter is looking worried.

Peter: Ah, Jeez, did I just hit that ostrich?
*Pans out to see Wile E. Coyote occupying the passenger seat.*

W.E.C: No

Peter: Are ya sure?

W.E.C: Yeh yeah he's fine just keep goin'.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian: You're not exactly Mr. Cold Turkey either, remember that time you tried to give up candy?

Cut to Wonka's factory:

Wonka: I'll ask you one more time, are you sure you didn't eat anything in my factory?

To Peter, who has taken the form of a giant blueberry.

Peter: (indignant) No.

Wonka: I'm just asking...

Peter: What, are you callin' me a liar?

Wonka: No, no, I'm just saying...

Peter: Hey shut up Wonka!



Man the delivery just cracks me up every time. The problem is, there are so many visual gags, particularly on Family Guy that are equally funny, just impossible to put across over text.

I like the Simpsons one where Homer gets that truckload of sugar, and he guards it in his garden and that British guy pops up and a cup of tea...
Homer: Alright buddy, where'd you get the sugar for that tea?!
Brit: I nicked it, when you let your guard down for that split second. And I'll do it again. *slurp* Goodbye.
I guess you wouldn't find it funny without the accent or my fascination with British stereotypes, but I loved it.

"You want me to wack a guy? Off a guy? Wack off a guy?"

Peter Griffin

Rod & Tod watching a bible story about sins, involving sheep.

"That's all well & good for sheep, but what are we to do?"

Stewie: You, cut my eggs.

Butler: Your eggs are cut, sir.

Stewie: Cut my milk!

Butler: I can't sir, it's a liquid-

Stewie: Imbecile! Freeze and then cut it. Any more lip from you, and I'll put you on daiper duty! And I won't make it easy!

Favorite Family Guy quote:

[at the toy store]
Chris: Ha! When I put the army man with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles my brain.
[piercing noise]
Chris: Oh...now I can't do math... :(

Close second:

[in a bar]
Peter: "Hey, aren't you Richard Simmons' best friend...Richard Simmons?

If you want to do something really cool and trippy, try watching the show backwards.

The one where Homer is chucked out for telling Marge's secrets to a succesful marriage class.
He puts a face on a flower plot.

Homer: Lisa meet your new mother. She is perfect in nearly everyway

Lisa: Dad thats a plant

Homer: Lisa, you will not talk that way in front of your new mother! Now kiss her! KISS HEEER!

[In eagerness to make plant kiss Lisa, he shoves it out of the treehouse door]

Homer: Right lets get our story straight. She fell right?

Classic

There's so many. Like that episode where Homer buys a gun and defends it with:

Homer: Without this gun, the King of England could just walk into this house and steal your bed

What a brilliant satire of the American gun owner.

Oh and that one where Burns opens a casino:

Homer: A monster has your mother. I call him Gamblore and I must wrest her from his neon claws.

And from that same episode:

Burns [wielding a model plane]: Hope in we'll take the spruce moose

Smithers: But sir

Burns [now pointing a gun at Smithers which he cocks]: I said hop in

Why is the Simpsons so great? It is one of the few comedies around that actually manages to do a brilliant satirisation of the American state and do it in a hilarious fashion. In Britain, satire is a regular form of humour (Have I got News for You, Bremner Bird and Fortune, 2D TV) but these are usually direct criticisms whereas the Simpsons manages to do it allegorically. The only allegorical satire we have ever had was Yes Minister and that was a little high brow for most (although I love it).

Family Guy
Guns lead to trouble

Peter- Yeah and when trouble comes will be able to blow off it's freakin head

*Homer is setting up an Internet Company*

Homer: We need a name that's cutting edge. Cut.co...Edge.com....Inter-Slice... :D

*After it is found out Homer prevented a meltdown by a fluke*

Kent Brockman: Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Mo. Is Homer a hero? Answer: No.

Couple of Homerisms...

"If you want something in this life you have to work for it! Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn! It's what separates us from the animals...except the weasel."

"If you're unhappy with your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way!"

may have already been said, but i love this one...(FG)

"Mayor West, you have lymphoma"
"Oh my..."
"Probably from rolling around in that toxic waste."
"Mmm"
"What in God's name did you think you were doing?"
"I was trying to get super powers."
"That's just stupid"
"Stupid, yes. Idiotic, yes."

:p

(Stewie plucking a banjo)
"Ohhhh, I feel so deliciously white-trash! Mummy! I want a mullet!"

During a scene which shows couples kissing and hugging, Mayor West looks lovingly at his hand and murmurs:
"You are a filthy whore!"

Not sure if it's been mentioned...

-Bart and Lisa at a concert-

*sniff sniff*

"Hey...It smells like Otto's jacket!"

bart and Milhouse were having a competition on the bus with racing fruit.

Ralph Wiggum: Go banana!

Peter - I don't embarass my kids
Walks out of a car naked
Peter - Hey, you're that guy who goes to school with Megan, aren't you? She's in the car right there. Yeah, that's it. Right there.

"Mmmmm, forbidden donut"

"I see the light...AND IT BURNS!"

Hey Lois....Diahorrea. Nyah.


Hey Dad, I just realised - your name's PEEter. Heh.


Now Chris, takes those bananas to the ten inches or less Aisle...I mean ten items!


Ugh I hat sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find...I will Kill you.

Brian (imitating Stewie): I'm a pompous little anti-christ who will probably abandon my plans for world domination when I grow up and fall in love with a rough trick named Jim.

Brian (imitating Stewie): I'm a pompous little anti-christ who will probably abandon my plans for world domination when I grow up and fall in love with a rough trick named Jim.
*hands Dakini a small award*

Ahh, I've forgotten all the cool Brian quotes. It's a good thing me and my friends are going to watch every one back to back over these holidays. Happy times :)

bart and lisa were fighting on the school bus

Lisa: Careful, or Otto will drive us off a cliff!

Otto: Drive off a cliff!?! That would solve EVERTHING! WHoa....

and in the episode where apu's wife finds out he was cheating on him; homer and apu are driving

Apu: I always thought karma was baloney, but now I know it's real.

Homer: Mmmmm, caremel baloney...

LOL i love that

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn! It's what separates us from the animals...except the weasel."


I haven't seen this episode, but cracked up, when I read this. Just imagining Homer saying it :D

"I see the light...AND IT BURNS!"

I'm watching that one right now. :D

the episode where homer coaches the football team:
"your cut, your cut, oh yeah your cut too"

Smoke!

Lisa asking Himer what he would say if she could cure world hunger-
Homer replies succinctly "I'd say you were a lying scumbag."

Homer -"My God, you're greasy"

Homer- "I guess I shouldnt have eaten that packet of gravy mix I found in the parking lot".

Lenny- "Ow! My doctor said I should'nt get puzzle pieces in that eye !"

All from the same, classic, Simpsons episode:


Admiral: I am a man of few words. Any questions?
Homer: Is the poop deck really what I think it is?
Admiral: Ha! I like your gig!
Homer: What's a gig?
Admiral: Haha! Promote that man!



Admiral: Homer, what do you want out of life?
Homer [reaching for bowl of peas just out of reach]: Peeeaaasssss....
Admiral: Ah, we all want Peace, but sometimes it's just out of reach.
Homer: Uh huh
Admiral: But how we get peace?
Homer [Using a knife to get to the peas]: With a knife!
Admiral: My thoughts exactly. Homer, you're like the son I never had
Homer: And you're like the father I never visit..



Crewman: We've been hit by an officer!
Captain: If that's what they want to play, we'll respond in kind!
[Crewman grabs captain]
Captain: Not me, you idiot, a torpedo!


And loads more...

From the American Dad pilot (which looks like the fourth cartoon classic after Simpsons, Family Guy and Futurama):

Be very careful, Francine, we're at Terror Level Orange today. This means that somewhere, sometime, somehow, something will happen.....


I could go on forever...

Homer: Mel Gibson is just a guy, Marge. No different from me or Lenny.
Marge: Were you or Lenny ever voted sexiest man alive?
Homer: I'm not sure about Lenny...

*In the treehouse of horror when Homer has the magic monkey's paw*

Lisa (holding paw): I wish for world peace.
Homer: Lisa stop being so selfish!

The one trillion dollar bill episode

Homer: "It must be worth a fortune"

"Ahh! Cobras! Cooobras!"

Burns: Quit cogitating steinmets...and use an open faced club...a sand wedge!

Homer: mmmmmmmmm...open faced club sandwedge *homeresque drooling*

------

Skinner: Dammit woman, you parked too close! Move your car!

Krabapple: I'm in the lines! If you've got a problem with it go tell your momma!

Skinner: Oh don't worry, she'll hear about this!

------

Oh man there are soooooooo so many! :p

Skinner: Dammit woman, you parked too close! Move your car!

Krabapple: I'm in the lines! If you've got a problem with it go tell your momma!

Skinner: Oh don't worry, she'll hear about this!

*skinner looks out of blinded window*

What's that mother? Mother, I haven't worn the sailor outfit in years! No, damnit, I won't!

also:

Don't worry Lisa, people soon forget..

*looks out of blinds*

Just like they forgot our unit in Denang. We were in that tiger cage for 18 months...

Ah, you know what I mean! :p

I don't have permission... :(
You aren't alone my denied friend :p

*Duffman gets a sticker slapped to his face*

"Duffman can't breath! Ooooh-yeah!"



"This grass needs a little H2 OOOOH!"

and Duffman goes with the negative on the "Duffman can't breath! Ooooh-no!" :p

"Duffman says a lot of things! Oooh yeah!"

Oh my God - Family Guy: The one which shows Bert and Ernie's "Darker Side". :eek: :D :D

This grass needs a little H-2-Oh Yeah

Duff-man is pointing in the direction of the problem

"Hey lois, excuse me for pointing" :D

Quagmire is the man!

"Dear diary: Jackpot"

Duffman doesn't die! Only the actors that play Duffman die, OH YEAH!

Quagmire: "Hello, 911? ... Yeah ... Yeah, this time it's stuck in a window."

Quagmire: "Hello, 911? ... Yeah ... Yeah, this time it's stuck in a window."
Actually just cracked up laughing remembering that one. Quagmire=teh win :D

"Hey baby"

(manly voice, square jaw)"Hey"

"AAH! Transsexual! Get away from me! Wait - pre-op or post op?"

"Pre-op"

"AAH! Transsexual! Get away from me!"


And, with Brian (classic combo)

"Hey, how good's that nose of yours"

*sniffs* "You had sex last night with two Philippino girls - and a philippino male"

"Nah, nah, it was three girls"

*Blank stare*

"Oh my GOD!"

Homer: Hello, operator? Give me the number for 911!

Homer: I call the big one Bitey

Homer: Ah my loving family, Marge, Lisa, Maggie and who can forget, dear ratboy.

"I bent my wookie"

*Burns meeting Simpsons when they go to the baseball*

Burns: And this must be Bart, Lisa and..eh...Expecting!
Smithers: The card's a little out of date, sir.
Homer: The baby's name isn't important...

Family Guy

Man: (Seeing Peter's sign for his fish says. "I had Sex with all these fish.") Wow. How do you do it.

Peter: First I dangle the old worm out there and they seem to go for it. So then I struggle around a bit, they fight it. And soon they lay back and accept it.

Man: How bout we get together some time.

worst. thread. ever.

nothing will ever make me laugh harder than Frying Pan Antidote did...oh my, oh my, the giggles...

worst. thread. ever.
http://larry.teamoverkill.com/pics/temp/worst_thread_ever.jpg :D

Duff-man is pointing in the direction of the problemDuff-man is thrusting in the direction of the problem.

"New feelings brewing inside Duffman. So confused! What... would... Jesus... do?" *picks up guy, spins him round over his head and chucks him over a fence*

Quagmire: "Hello, 911? ... Yeah ... Yeah, this time it's stuck in a window."

Ah! I forgot about that, it's one of my all time favorites!!!! And that's saying something. ;) That and Quagmire with the transsexual. Two of the best scenes in the entire series.