NationStates Jolt Archive

CONS: Conservative (Archconservative)

LIBL: Liberal (Leftwing Wacko)

LBRT: Libertarian (Antigovernment Libertine)

COMM: Communist (Commie Sympathizer)



1: Government's practice of stealing from the rich to give to the poor is...

CONS: a crime.

LIBL: a brave, generous and heroic deed.

LBRT: a foolish, misguided attempt at social engineering.

COMM: an inspiration to us all.



2: The most egregious example of government waste is...

CONS: the Department of the Interior's $600,000 outhouse.

LIBL: the Department of Defense's $600 toilet seat.

LBRT: the $100,000,000 in emergency funds to buy air conditioners for poor people during the blistering heat wave of 1998. Although, I'm sure there are people who honestly believe that if all those air conditioners saved just one life, then it was indeed a small price to pay.

COMM: the Department of Commerce's entire budget.



3: Why do people contribute money to political campaigns?

CONS: To get a good return on their investment.

LIBL: To buy access to corruptible legislators.

LBRT: To support candidates who have views similar to their own.

COMM: To advance the needs of The Party.



4: How do you feel about artificially created food products?

CONS: I gobble them up!

LIBL: I think they might pose a potential health risk.

LBRT: Way back in the late 19th century Congress turned its learned attention on a new food product. A huge ruckus was raised by people who eyed this new creation with a deep heartfelt suspicion.

To quell this firestorm of protest (and promote the general welfare) Congress took quick and decisive action--it taxed oleomargarine.

COMM: If Mother Nature can be improved upon, for the greater good of all, go for it.



5: What is your favorite quotation?

CONS: "The entire graduated income tax system structure was created by Karl Marx," by Ronald Reagan.

LIBL: "Taxes are the price we pay for civilization," by Oliver Wendell Holmes.

LBRT: "In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one class of citizens to give to another," by Voltaire.

COMM: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need," by Karl Marx.



There's plenty more here (http://www.geocities.com/donaldjhagen/humoroustest.html).

I would say that was written by a Libertarian.

according to the first 50 questions i'm a commie with a taint of libertrian, and a splash of liberal

I would say that was written by a Libertarian.
You're probably just thinking that becuase
A) You know my political preferences, or
B) Those answers look the most appealing to you.

They actually took just as many shots at Libertarians as they did for anyone else... sorta letting everyone hang themselves on their own ropes.
This is partly why it cracked me up (not very nice to Libertarians):

52: What is your paradigm of the ideal society?

CONS: The United States during the 1950's

LIBL: The Welfare-State democracies in Western Europe.

LBRT: The Wild West before "lawmen" ruined it for everybody.

COMM: The Soviet Union during the 1950's.



57: Our national energy policy should be...

CONS: - whatever is good for Standard Oil is good for America.

LIBL: - Ban nuclear power.

- Outlaw offshore oil exploration.

- Prohibit mining on federal lands.

- Don't build new hydroelectric dams, and demolish existing ones.

- Mandate electric cars.

- Put price caps on energy prices.

LBRT: - Abolish all government regulation of energy pricing. The law of supply and demand clearly dictates that buyers must accept the risk of fluctuating prices in exchange for stable supplies. Legislated attempts to mandate stable prices means accepting the risk of fluctuating supplies, indeed--even severe shortages.

Which ironically only increases the likelihood of a sudden pent up explosion of skyrocketing prices--the very thing that price controls are supposed to prevent in the first place.

COMM: - Nationalize all oil, gas, and utility companies.


95: What's your idea of a wild night on the town?

CONS: A wild night of reading Biblical passages.

LIBL: A wild night of eco-terrorism.

LBRT: A wild night of reliving the exploits of those famed Biblical towns of ill repute: Sodomy and Gonorrhea.

COMM: A wild night of plotting to overthrow the government.



SO what again makes you think it was written by a Libertarian? :p

LBRT: A wild night of reliving the exploits of those famed Biblical towns of ill repute: Sodomy and Gonorrhea.


What the fuck?

Biblical reference to two cities that were destroyed by god as a result of the immoral actions of their citizens: Soddom, and Gemorah.

I liked this one:
7: The Center for Public-Health Dietary Self Control releases a study that says eating just one jelly donut is as harmful to human health as smoking 10,000,000 cartons of cigarettes. Do you...

CONS: keep eating jelly donuts.

LIBL: demand that jelly donuts be removed from vending machines, and public school cafeterias.

LBRT: hoard jelly donuts before they are regulated off grocer's shelves.

COMM: hoard jelly donuts so you can sell them on the black market.
:D

Biblical reference to two cities that were destroyed by god as a result of the immoral actions of their citizens: Soddom, and Gemorah.

Yeah, I know... But still.

SO what again makes you think it was written by a Libertarian? :p

Well, having read through only the first ten, I guess I had a faulty sample. Actually, I think it was just the first three that threw me off.

I almost dismissed the whole thing, thinking it was written Donald Kagan, the neo-conservative who was a founder of the PNAC.

22: How do you feel about nude sunbathing?

CONS: Never tried it. Never will.

LIBL: Did it a lot in my college days.

LBRT: Do it so often, I no longer need sunscreen.

COMM: It repulses me. You see, for some mysterious reason, God made naked communists rather unsightly.

I just can't fit with the libertarian on this one...

46: What Tort reform measures do you support?

CONS: - Put ceilings on damage awards.

- Abolish declaring bankruptcy.

- Ban class action lawsuits against businesses, where each "victim" is awarded a coupon for a $5 discount on their next purchase of the offender's product, while the "victim's" attorneys collect millions in legal fees.

LIBL: - Recall judges who make insensitive comments from the bench.

LBRT: - Replace costly litigation with duels to the death. This will substantially reduce the number of people screaming at the top of their lungs that they have been "wronged" by another.

COMM: - Put ceilings on access to the courts. Sadly, in America's current tort system, "The People's Court" has been replaced with "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"


Libertarian is so the way to go with this one.
:p

*slaps NA with glove*

I challenge you to a duel.

16: A cup with that only contains half a cup of water is...

CONS: half full.

LIBL: half empty.

LBRT: an example of shortages caused by government control of our water supply.

COMM: an example of inequitable wealth distribution caused by the inherent social injustice in free enterprise.

That's a great one!

19: Cloning human beings...

CONS: must be outlawed. The only person who should be creating human beings is God.

LIBL: must be outlawed. The only permissible nontraditional ways to produce offspring are in vitro fertilization, hiring a surrogate mother, and wife swapping.

LBRT: is a perfectly acceptable method of reproduction, and is a wonderful source of identical twins.

COMM: may one day produce the perfect comrade.

I love the Libertarian and communist responses :)

27: Do you think cigarette smoking is addictive?

CONS: No. Although they can become habit-forming, many people quit successful, without suffering the agony of drug withdrawal, so quitting is just a matter of personal willpower.

LIBL: Yes. We have nearly 700,000 acres of American farmland being used to produce a "crop" that can't be eaten, and that has no real economic value outside of its unique pharmacological properties, which is why it is so important to shield young people from cigarette advertising.

LBRT: Yes. The mere fact that nicotine is addictive provides all the more reason to eliminate laws that prohibit minors from smoking. After all, products whose accesses are restricted to "Adults Only," only makes young rebellious teenagers want to use those products even more!!!

COMM: No. People who find themselves unexpectedly thrown into the walls of Soviet Gulags, and are who thereby forced to quit smoking Cold Turkey exhibit no obvious withdrawal symptoms–-indeed the lack of tobacco products seems to be the least of their worries!

Once more, I love the commies :)

164: The solution to traffic congestion is to...

CONS: - build more roads, and highways.

LIBL: - discourage people from driving by quadrupling the price of gasoline.

- severely limit the number of available parking spaces.

- build more busses and rail transit.

LBRT: - make traffic signals, stop signs, and speed limits mere suggestions, rather than hard and fast rules.

COMM: - give everybody a free bicycle.

Hooray for bicycles!!!

43: What would you consider a valid reason for releasing a convict from prison before he has served his entire sentence?

CONS: - He is dead.

LIBL: - He is dying.

- His sentence was cut in half for not committing any other notably heinous crimes while serving his current sentence.

- He has found God.

- A famous celebrity thinks the convict is rehabilitated.

LBRT: - He is innocent.

COMM: - He has found Lenin.

Note that only the libertarian gives a damn about his innocence or guilt :)

48: What kind of tattoo would you get?

CONS: An American flag on my heart.

LIBL: A peace sign on my left arm.

LBRT: A marijuana leaf on my butt.

COMM: A hammer and sickle on my belly.

A tattoo on your heart? Sounds painful... XD

72: Do critics of your beliefs accuse you of being a supporter of...

CONS: the politics of greed.

LIBL: the politics of envy.

LBRT: the politics of anarchy.

COMM: the politics of communism.
I could have sworn most communists DO support the politics of communism...

116: What do you fear?

CONS: - The Federal Reserve raising interest rates

- International trade wars

- Socialized medicine

- Stock market crashes

- False profits

- False prophets

- Non-judgmentalism

- Gay scoutmasters

LIBL: - Special interest groups

- Globalization

- Contaminated ground water

- Under-cooked hamburgers

- Asbestos

- The International Monetary Fund

- Heavy metals

- Buying a car that's a lemon

- Bovine Growth Hormone

- Tanked oil tanker captains

- Disenfranchisement

- West Nile Virus

- Multinational corporations

- Dioxins

- Fire Ants

- Empty calories

- Trichinosis

- Deranged assault weapon wielding snipers

- Cartels

- Housing developers

- Lyme disease

- Free Trade

- Nanotechnology

- Acrylamide

- Denuding rainforests

- Hantavirus

- Nuclear arms

- Corporate conspiracies

- Date Rape drugs

- Secondhand smoke

- Ebola

- Diesel Soot

- Strangers

- Freon

- Overpopulation

- Genital warts

- Serial killers

- Botulism

- Polychlorinated Biphenyls

- Desertification

- Road Rage

- Sexual Predators

- Acid rain

- The hidden tentacles of big business

- Lead-leaching dinnerware

- Defoliants

- Nuclear power

- Random violence

- Over fishing

- Urban sprawl

- Identity theft

- Flesh eating bacteria

- Disinformation

- Gene therapy

- Plutonium

- Carcinogens

- E. coli

- Radon gas

- The World Trade Organization

- Flurocarbons

- Legionnaire's disease

- Deforestation

- Biotechnology

- Sexual harassment

- Africanized killer bees

- Price manipulation

- Mercury

- Lobbyists

- Radioactive waste

- Schoolyard assassins

- Deceptive advertising

- The General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade

- Mutagens

- Toxic shock syndrome

- The Trilateral Commission

- Postal postal workers

- Affluenza

- Profiteering

- Non-native flora and fauna

- Disease laden kitchen sponges and dishrags

- Confusing ballots

- Spontaneous combustion

- Subliminal messages

- Cold sores

- Severe sunburns

- Irrational fears

- Bacteria

- Overuse of antibiotics

- Diphtheria, Whooping Cough, and Tetanus

- Diphtheria, Whooping Cough, and Tetanus Vaccines

- Better living through science

- Television news teasers that say, "If you don't watch our special report tonight, you just might wind up dead by morning!"

LBRT: - America becoming a nation of lily-livered wimps

- Regulatory overload

- Politically empowered technophobes

- LSD Flashbacks

COMM: - Hunger

- Homelessness
Note the crazy liberal :)

22: How do you feel about nude sunbathing?

CONS: Never tried it. Never will.

LIBL: Did it a lot in my college days.

LBRT: Do it so often, I no longer need sunscreen.

COMM: It repulses me. You see, for some mysterious reason, God made naked communists rather unsightly.

I just can't fit with the libertarian on this one...You got to admit, the communist option is a load of laughs. I also liked the one about preferred drugs and libertarian views on the side effects.

You got to admit, the communist option is a load of laughs. I also liked the one about preferred drugs and libertarian views on the side effects.
There may not be too many hot commies, but there are quite a few hot Swede pinkos! :p
http://www.tvacres.com/images/swedish_playboya.jpg

What the fuck?

The biblical reference plus the libertarian position of legalizing prostitution, with the test creaters assumption that it would increase the incidence of STDs.