NationStates Jolt Archive

I'll start

A postman was putting the finishing touches to his driveway. The cement was drying out when a dog ran across it!

The Postman fixed it, when the same dog did it again! By now the Postman had had enough, and threw his trowel at the dog, and went to kick it. However the kick landed on the dog owner's wife. In the resulting struggle, both fell in the cement.

The Owner of the dog came out to see what was happening, and was also dragged into the cement.

A neighbour, seeing the fight, ran to a phone box to call the police. However, the wife of the dog owner tried to do the same. They struggled with each other, and fell back into the cement.

The postman's mother, who was 85 and had a bad hip, came out to join in and ended up in the cement.

When the police did arrive, they were all arrested for 'Breach of the peace'. That is all except the dog - Who started it all!

These always turn into myth-buster threads.

New Zealand were the first to conquer German territory in WW1, when they took Western Samoa without firing a shot right at the start of the war.

well since i have a different fascinating fact as my screenie on msn every day, i shall share my incredible knowledge with you guys, so far i've had...


Marylin Monroe had 6 toes
Camels can't cough
Horses don't have collar bones

and I can't remember further back thn 3 days but more will be coming soon

There is a species of antelope that can actually SLEEP underwater.

Joe Ramirez, 19 years of age, drove to the court house in a New York suburb to face a traffic charge. As his case was about to be called he realised that his parking meter was running out, so he asked the judge for time to feed it. His request was granted

Joe raced out and was starting across the street when a policeman grabbed him for Jay-walking. He gave Joe a ticket - and a long lecture. The length of this lecture allowed a traffic warden to get his car first and give him another ticket.

When he got back to court, he found that the Judge had goen to lunch. He had to top up the meter until he returned. When he did, Joe was fined $5,as he expected. however, his parking fines and meter costs meant he only had $2. The Judge accepted this, as long as the remaining $3 would be forthcoming. Joe, now broke, walked home.

When he arrived at his house, he found a letter on the mat. It read, 'Please report for induction into US Army...'

The Strange & Amazing Coincidences of Presidents John F. Kennedy & Abraham Lincoln
These events took place a century apart, but the facts speak for themselves:

- Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

- Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

- The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

- Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

- Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House.

- Both presidents were shot on a Friday. Both were shot in the head.

- Both were shot in the presence of their wives.

- The secretary of each president warned them not to go to the theatre and to Dallas, respectively.

- Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

- Both were assassinated by southerners. Both were succeeded by southerners. Both successors were named Johnson.

- Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

- John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

- Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

- Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names have 15 letters.

- Booth ran from the theatre and was captured in a warehouse.

- Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theatre.

- Lincoln was shot outside a Kennedy theatre, Kennedy was shot inside a Lincoln automobile

That is strange...

TOKYO (AP) The recent craze for hydrogen beer is at the heart of a three-way lawsuit between unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar and the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr. Otoma is suing the bar and the brewery for selling toxic substances and is claiming damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss of his job. The bar is counter suing for defamation and loss of customers.

The Asaka Beer Corporation brews "Suiso" brand beer, where the carbon dioxide normally used to add fizz has been replaced by the more environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. A side effect of this has made the beer extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and discotheques.

Hydrogen, like helium, is a gas lighter than air. Because hydrogen molecules are lighter than air, sound waves are transmitted more rapidly; individuals whose lungs are filled with the non-toxic gas can speak with an uncharacteristically high voice. Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic urbanites can now sing soprano parts on karaoke sing-along machines after consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.

The flammable nature of hydrogen has also become another selling point, even though Asaka has not acknowledged that this was a deliberate marketing ploy.
It has inspired a new fashion of blowing flames from one's mouth using a cigarette as an ignition source. Many new karaoke videos feature singers shooting blue flames in slow motion, while flame contests take place in pubs everywhere.

"Mr. Otoma has no-one to blame but himself. If he had not become drunk and disorderly, none of this would have happened. Our security guards undergo the most careful screening and training before they are allowed to deal with customers," said Mr. Takashi Nomura, manager of the Tike-Take bar.

"Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer in order to maximize the size of the flames he could belch during the contest. He catapulted balls of fire across the room that Gojira would be proud of, but this was not enough to win him first prize since the judgement is made on the quality of the flames and that of the singing, and after fifteen bottles of lager he was badly out of tune."

"He took exception to the result and hurled blue fireballs at the judge, singeing the front of Mrs. Mifune's hair, entirely removing her eyebrows and lashes, and ruining the clothes of two nearby customers. None of these people have returned to my bar. When our security staff approached he turned his attentions to them, making it almost impossible to approach him. Our head bouncer had no choice but to hurl himself at Mr. Otoma's knees, knocking his legs from under him."

"The laws of physics are not to be disobeyed, and the force that propelled Mr. Otoma's legs backwards also pivoted around his centre of gravity and moved his upper body forward with equal velocity. It was his own fault he had his mouth open for the next belch, his own fault he held a lighted cigarette in front of it and it is own fault he swallowed that cigarette."

"The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the subsequent internal combustion, rupture of his stomach lining, nor the third degree burns to his esophageus, larynx and sinuses as the exploding gases forced their way out of his body. His consequential muteness and loss of employment are his own fault."

Mr. Otoma was unavailable for comment.

Very good!

During World War one, Britain decided to build a new type of giant submarine – a sort of underwater battleship. The new ships were labelled K-boats

Te first two prototypes were ready by 1917. These 325-foot steam-powered monsters of the deep proved to be unmanoeuvrable on the surface, slow and clumsy whilst diving, and very difficult to surface again. They built up this lamentable track record.

Fire broke out aboard K-2 on its first test dive. K-3 inexplicably dived to the seabed on its first test – with the Prince of Wales onboard. The boat eventually resurfaced, and the crew were saved.

Later, K-3 was rammed and sunk by K-6. K-4 ran aground. K-5 sank and its crew died. K-6 got stuck on the see bed. K-7 ran down K-17, putting itself out of action for good!

K-14 sprang a leak before it had even got out of port on its first trail. Later on exercise, it was run down and sunk by K-22. K-17 went out of control and sunk after colliding with cruiser and with k-7. K-22 was damaged beyond repair after colliding with a different cruiser.

The K boat project was scrapped in 1918 after claiming 250 British lives, and not 1 German.

<snip>

sounds like british sailors cant be trusted to drive a boat without crashing :p

The Strange & Amazing Coincidences of Presidents John F. Kennedy & Abraham Lincoln
These events took place a century apart, but the facts speak for themselves:

- Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

- Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

- The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

- Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

- Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House.

- Both presidents were shot on a Friday. Both were shot in the head.

- Both were shot in the presence of their wives.

- The secretary of each president warned them not to go to the theatre and to Dallas, respectively.

- Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

- Both were assassinated by southerners. Both were succeeded by southerners. Both successors were named Johnson.

- Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

- John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

- Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

- Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names have 15 letters.

- Booth ran from the theatre and was captured in a warehouse.

- Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theatre.

- Lincoln was shot outside a Kennedy theatre, Kennedy was shot inside a Lincoln automobile

Indeed, that IS a strange coincidence.
I've looked it up and everything seems to be true, except this:

John Wilkes Booth was born in 1838, not 1839.
The Theatre outside which Lincoln was shot was named the Ford Theatre, not the Kennedy Theatre.

But still, it's really strange. :eek:

A big-selling vodka firm decided to drop its advertising line, which went 'I thought the Karma Sutra was an indian restaurant until i discovered Smirnoff.'

An executive of the firm said: 'We conducted a survey and discovered that 60% of people did think it was an Indian Restaurant.'

The following are all replies that have been included on Child SupportAgency forms in the section for listing father's details:

• Regarding the identity of the father of my twins child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.
• I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
• I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.
• I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
• I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.
• I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by my country. Please advise.
• I do not know who the father of my child was as all squadies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.
• [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
• From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
• So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a TV program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given] mine might have remained unfertilised.

and from OR reports:

INNER SKELETON
A 63yr old widow was admitted to the hospital Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.

FEMALE SOFA
A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

PRICKLY PAIR
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was revealed
that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE?
A 20yr old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, and then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed, along with a ping-pong ball.

BLIND DRUNK
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.

(OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!)
A couple hobbled into a Washington (state) emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in he head until she let go.

The Reverend Edgar Dodson of Camden, Arkansas, chose for a Sermon the theme 'Thou shalt not steal'. While he was preaching, someone stole his car...

The Strange & Amazing Coincidences of Presidents John F. Kennedy & Abraham Lincoln
These events took place a century apart, but the facts speak for themselves:

- Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

- Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

- The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

- Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

- Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House.

- Both presidents were shot on a Friday. Both were shot in the head.

- Both were shot in the presence of their wives.

- The secretary of each president warned them not to go to the theatre and to Dallas, respectively.

- Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

- Both were assassinated by southerners. Both were succeeded by southerners. Both successors were named Johnson.

- Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

- John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

- Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

- Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names have 15 letters.

- Booth ran from the theatre and was captured in a warehouse.

- Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theatre.

- Lincoln was shot outside a Kennedy theatre, Kennedy was shot inside a Lincoln automobile
WTF? :eek:

When ad-men for pepsi-cola had their slogan, 'Come alive with Pepsi' translated into Mandarin chinese, the translation turned out to mean, 'Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave.'

All American car horns, excluding novelty ones, beep in the tone of F.

Now that's useless!

Ladybird books were surprised to recieve an order from the ministery of Defence asking them for books for their staff, that taught them how to use a computer.

When Ladybird books wrote back, pointing out that the books were for children 9 and up, the minstery replied confirming the order.

- You are never more than six feet in any direction from a Rat.

- Adolf Hitler, according to Soviet medical records, only had one testicle.

- Saddam Hussein has a tiny Penis, says an ex-lover.

- The Iran-Iraq War lasted from 1979 until 1989, and was the the longest conventional war of the 20th century. 1 million soldiers from both sides died.

-BBC's Animal Hospital programme reported of a case of neglect involving Two dogs in England that had been left abandoned in a flat to starve and die. One of the dogs died, and the surviving dog ate the dead dog until there was little of it left, at which point it was rescued, and lived happily ever after.

-The longest ruling leader of a country aty present is Fidel Castro, of Cuba.

-180,000 people have died in Sudan's Darfur region from starvation and illness alone, excluding those killed by hostile fire, or murdered.

-800,000 people were murdered in the Rwanda Massacre.

well since i have a different fascinating fact as my screenie on msn every day, i shall share my incredible knowledge with you guys, so far i've had...


Marylin Monroe had 6 toes
Camels can't cough
Horses don't have collar bones

and I can't remember further back thn 3 days but more will be coming soon
I hate to be pedantic....no wait, I don't, I love being pedantic...but Marilyn Monroe had 11 toes, six on one foot, 5 on the other.

You know what Tink meant.

One of my inorganic chemistry lecturers once lived in an apartment that was once inhabited by Linus Pauling's undergraduate lab partner!

Well, I think that's pretty great.

Elly's facinating fact of the day: Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise

hehe cheers Tink :D

TOKYO (AP) The recent craze for hydrogen beer ...

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/hydrbeer.htm
Sorry :P

and from OR reports:

INNER SKELETON
A 63yr old widow was admitted to the hospital Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.

FEMALE SOFA
A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

PRICKLY PAIR
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was revealed
that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE?
A 20yr old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, and then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed, along with a ping-pong ball.

BLIND DRUNK
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.

(OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!)
A couple hobbled into a Washington (state) emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in he head until she let go.


Each of the people in these stroies has the right to bear children and vote.

I hate to be pedantic....no wait, I don't, I love being pedantic...but Marilyn Monroe had 11 toes, six on one foot, 5 on the other.
oh hush you!

I hate to be pedantic....no wait, I don't, I love being pedantic...but Marilyn Monroe had 11 toes, six on one foot, 5 on the other.

Except she didn't. She had 10 toes: the one photo in which it very much looks like she has 6 toes on one foot is takenon a beach and a line of sand has formed across the side of her little toe making it look very much like she has six toes on one foot, but this is not the case.

well since i have a different fascinating fact as my screenie on msn every day, i shall share my incredible knowledge with you guys, so far i've had...


Marylin Monroe had 6 toes
Camels can't cough
Horses don't have collar bones

and I can't remember further back thn 3 days but more will be coming soon


do you mean she had 6 toes total or 6 on one foot instead of five? ;)

BWO wins

- You are never more than six feet in any direction from a Rat.

Tell that to skydivers.

Each of the people in these stroies has the right to bear children and vote.
That's nothing, you have it too!

do you mean she had 6 toes total or 6 on one foot instead of five? ;)
I don't know! i stole ot off my friend!!

When ad-men for pepsi-cola had their slogan, 'Come alive with Pepsi' translated into Mandarin chinese, the translation turned out to mean, 'Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave.'


In truth, Pepsi just gives me syrupy indigestion. I prefer Coke.

The UK is the only country to patent an intestinal gas collector.

Elly's facinating fact of the day: Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise

hehe cheers Tink :D
lol, no problem, i stole it off someone else anyway

BWO wins


Ah, here we go...

http://marilynmonroepages.com/6toes.html

Livestock excrete 130 times as much waste as people.
Now that's bullshit!

The UK is the only country to patent an intestinal gas collector.

Is that just a fancy name for a balloon?

When ad-men for pepsi-cola had their slogan, 'Come alive with Pepsi' translated into Mandarin chinese, the translation turned out to mean, 'Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave.'

Incorrect: the story is attached to Coca-Cola and their 'Coke Adds Life' slogan.

Tell that to skydivers.

...As they're having their parachute pull strings gnawed.

...As they're having their parachute pull strings gnawed.

Banksy reveals the only possible solution for this one:

http://www.banksy.co.uk/pops/outdoors/rats/images/rat-parachute.jpg

Is that just a fancy name for a balloon?
No, here it is...
http://v3.espacenet.com/textdoc?CY=ep&LG=en&IDX=GB2289222

Incorrect: the story is attached to Coca-Cola and their 'Coke Adds Life' slogan.

Perhaps we are both right...

The Strange & Amazing Coincidences of Presidents John F. Kennedy & Abraham Lincoln
These events took place a century apart, but the facts speak for themselves:

- Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

- Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

- The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

- Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

- Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House.

- Both presidents were shot on a Friday. Both were shot in the head.

- Both were shot in the presence of their wives.

- The secretary of each president warned them not to go to the theatre and to Dallas, respectively.

- Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

- Both were assassinated by southerners. Both were succeeded by southerners. Both successors were named Johnson.

- Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

- John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

- Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

- Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names have 15 letters.

- Booth ran from the theatre and was captured in a warehouse.

- Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theatre.

- Lincoln was shot outside a Kennedy theatre, Kennedy was shot inside a Lincoln automobile

That's fucking scary! :eek:

Perhaps we are both right...

Ok. I concede I was in error in claiming your version was incorrect: the truth of the Pepsi slogan being mistranslated remains a grey issue, and the story is also attached to the coke slogan... as is the 'bite the wax tadpole' story.

I read in a book. Blame them!

What do ya think of some of the other stuff?

-The longest ruling leader of a country aty present is Fidel Castro, of Cuba.

What about King Bhumibol Adulyadej?

What about King Bhumibol Adulyadej?

Depending on how exactly you define 'ruling leader of a country' Queen Elizabeth II also outdoes Castro.

Office space in London is now so expensive, that it would cost £50 a week to rent the space taken up by the average waste paper basket.

Depending on how exactly you define 'ruling leader of a country' Queen Elizabeth II also outdoes Castro.

How long has she been Queen?

How long has she been Queen?

Since 1952... that makes it almost 53 years, not as long as your candidate, but longer than Castro.

Office space in London is now so expensive, that it would cost £50 a week to rent the space taken up by the average waste paper basket.

Quick Google...


http://www.dga.co.uk/customer/publicdo.nsf/Public/officelet

"Lease for a second floor office (approx 1000 square feet) until August 2007 at approx £20,000 per year"

So that gives us a figure of £20 per square foot per year. Dividing that by a round figure of 50, for the weeks of the year, gives us 40 pence per square foot per week. Assuming that an average waste paper basket takes up a square foot, it seems like your figures are out of whack by two orders of magnitude...

Maybe there's a discount on it....

I don't know...

It's an old book...

Fish never sleep.

Maybe there's a discount on it....

I don't know...

It's an old book...

While we're on the subject of property transactions, can I interest you in buying a bridge?

King Bhumibol Adulyadej and Queen Elizabeth are the longest ruling Monarchs presently, not leaders.

What? London bridge?

That's in Arizona (Sp?) isn't it?

The whale is not a fish, it is in fact an insect.

Banksy reveals the only possible solution for this one:

http://www.banksy.co.uk/pops/outdoors/rats/images/rat-parachute.jpg

heh

The whale is not a fish, it is in fact an insect.


Mammal actually. Try swatting a Whale with a fly swatter.

Mammal actually. Try swatting a Whale with a fly swatter.

No, technically they are arthropods - like millipedes - a blue whale can grow up to seventy or eighty feet which it uses to walk along the seabed.

The bananna is in fact a herb

The Strange & Amazing Coincidences of Presidents John F. Kennedy & Abraham Lincoln
These events took place a century apart, but the facts speak for themselves:
- Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
- Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
- The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
- Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
- Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House.
- Both presidents were shot on a Friday. Both were shot in the head.
- Both were shot in the presence of their wives.
- The secretary of each president warned them not to go to the theatre and to Dallas, respectively.
- Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
- Both were assassinated by southerners. Both were succeeded by southerners. Both successors were named Johnson.
- Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
- John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
- Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
- Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names have 15 letters.
- Booth ran from the theatre and was captured in a warehouse.
- Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theatre.
- Lincoln was shot outside a Kennedy theatre, Kennedy was shot inside a Lincoln automobile
You forgot the most important tidbit:
The week before he was assasinated, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland.
The week before Kennedy was assasinated, he was in Marilyn Munroe.

The bananna is in fact a herb

Banana convicted of sodomy (http://www.ilga.info/Information/Legal_survey/africa/supporting%20files/zimbabwe_banana.htm)

The whale is not a fish, it is in fact an insect.
It's a cow, not an insect.

No, technically they are arthropods - like millipedes - a blue whale can grow up to seventy or eighty feet which it uses to walk along the seabed.
is that true? http://67.18.37.16/html/emoticons/unsure.gif

Banana convicted of sodomy

MY homo-internet security doesn't let me see that.

is that true? http://67.18.37.16/html/emoticons/unsure.gif

Hey, if everyone else is going to post badly researched spurious claims I should get my chance as well... so, how about this one - whales evolved from bear like land animals that returned to the seas - true or false?

Hey, if everyone else is going to post badly researched spurious claims I should get my chance as well... so, how about this one - whales evolved from bear like land animals that returned to the seas - true or false?

False...

My weren't badly researched..

Just out of date.

MY homo-internet security doesn't let me see that.

Oooh. Fancy - computerised gaydar! Vada at you.

How about this one from the BBC:

Banana sentenced for gay assault (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/257189.stm)

Hey, if everyone else is going to post badly researched spurious claims I should get my chance as well... so, how about this one - whales evolved from bear like land animals that returned to the seas - true or false?
oh ok, I didn't think it was true................honestly..................http://67.18.37.16/html/emoticons/unsure.gif now I feel really stupid

That one works.

False...


True.

http://darla.neoucom.edu/DEPTS/ANAT/whaleorigins.htm

That link works as well...

Fish never sleep.

Some of them do, but sharks don't. Sharks don't have a what-do-you-call-it, so they have to swim constantly; if they stop even for a second, they're dead.

You forgot the most important tidbit:
The week before he was assasinated, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland.
The week before Kennedy was assasinated, he was in Marilyn Munroe.

ROFL

Some of them do, but sharks don't. Sharks don't have a what-do-you-call-it, so they have to swim constantly; if they stop even for a second, they're dead.


Aqualung?

its illegal to walk backwards on the sidewalks of New York City while eating peanuts when theres a concert in session, also in my state (washington) its illegal to have sex in any position except missionary

Some of them do, but sharks don't. Sharks don't have a what-do-you-call-it, so they have to swim constantly; if they stop even for a second, they're dead.
Speaking of sharks, they have two rows of teeth, can smell a drop in a swimming pool and the're only three kinds or so dangerous.

Speaking of sharks, they have two rows of teeth, can smell a drop in a swimming pool and the're only three kinds or so dangerous.
im not sure what you ment but if you ment theres only three kind of sharks that are dangerous then your absolutly wrong, great white, tiger sharks, white tips, bull sharks, theres 4 right there

The Strange & Amazing Coincidences of Presidents John F. Kennedy & Abraham Lincoln
These events took place a century apart, but the facts speak for themselves:

- Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

- Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

- The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

- Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

- Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House.

- Both presidents were shot on a Friday. Both were shot in the head.

- Both were shot in the presence of their wives.

- The secretary of each president warned them not to go to the theatre and to Dallas, respectively.

- Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

- Both were assassinated by southerners. Both were succeeded by southerners. Both successors were named Johnson.

- Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

- John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

- Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

- Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names have 15 letters.

- Booth ran from the theatre and was captured in a warehouse.

- Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theatre.

- Lincoln was shot outside a Kennedy theatre, Kennedy was shot inside a Lincoln automobile

All either superficially coincidental, a twist of facts, or patently false.
http://www.snopes.com/history/american/linckenn.htm

Roach-Busters, it's not scary, just stupid.

Demented Hamsters' addition is a nice salacious addition, marred only by the fact that if it were so, JFK was one sick bastard. Marilyn Monroe had been dead for more than a year by the time of the assassination. I'm pretty sure he wasn't a necrophiliac...

Speaking of sharks, they have two rows of teeth, can smell a drop in a swimming pool and the're only three kinds or so dangerous.
They have more than two rows of teeth...

*looks in shark jaw on top of PC*

This one has loads, all folding in. Something to do with sharks continuously producing teeth to replace lost older ones (they come off alot in the struggle).

My random pointless fact - my dad once helped set up for the Beatles (when they were just becoming famous)

When shooting star wars, the guy playing vaders' body wasnt told the script because it was so top secret! He was just making it up as he went along......

TOKYO (AP) The recent craze for hydrogen beer is at the heart of a three-way lawsuit between unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar and the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr. Otoma is suing the bar and the brewery for selling toxic substances and is claiming damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss of his job. The bar is counter suing for defamation and loss of customers.

The Asaka Beer Corporation brews "Suiso" brand beer, where the carbon dioxide normally used to add fizz has been replaced by the more environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. A side effect of this has made the beer extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and discotheques.

Hydrogen, like helium, is a gas lighter than air. Because hydrogen molecules are lighter than air, sound waves are transmitted more rapidly; individuals whose lungs are filled with the non-toxic gas can speak with an uncharacteristically high voice. Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic urbanites can now sing soprano parts on karaoke sing-along machines after consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.

The flammable nature of hydrogen has also become another selling point, even though Asaka has not acknowledged that this was a deliberate marketing ploy.
It has inspired a new fashion of blowing flames from one's mouth using a cigarette as an ignition source. Many new karaoke videos feature singers shooting blue flames in slow motion, while flame contests take place in pubs everywhere.

"Mr. Otoma has no-one to blame but himself. If he had not become drunk and disorderly, none of this would have happened. Our security guards undergo the most careful screening and training before they are allowed to deal with customers," said Mr. Takashi Nomura, manager of the Tike-Take bar.

"Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer in order to maximize the size of the flames he could belch during the contest. He catapulted balls of fire across the room that Gojira would be proud of, but this was not enough to win him first prize since the judgement is made on the quality of the flames and that of the singing, and after fifteen bottles of lager he was badly out of tune."

"He took exception to the result and hurled blue fireballs at the judge, singeing the front of Mrs. Mifune's hair, entirely removing her eyebrows and lashes, and ruining the clothes of two nearby customers. None of these people have returned to my bar. When our security staff approached he turned his attentions to them, making it almost impossible to approach him. Our head bouncer had no choice but to hurl himself at Mr. Otoma's knees, knocking his legs from under him."

"The laws of physics are not to be disobeyed, and the force that propelled Mr. Otoma's legs backwards also pivoted around his centre of gravity and moved his upper body forward with equal velocity. It was his own fault he had his mouth open for the next belch, his own fault he held a lighted cigarette in front of it and it is own fault he swallowed that cigarette."

"The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the subsequent internal combustion, rupture of his stomach lining, nor the third degree burns to his esophageus, larynx and sinuses as the exploding gases forced their way out of his body. His consequential muteness and loss of employment are his own fault."

Mr. Otoma was unavailable for comment.


Easy to bust. There is no Asaka Beer Corporation or "Suiso" beer. Trust me, as a big beer drinker living in Japan for 14 years, I'd know for sure if there were. Actually, don't trust me. A google search (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Asaka+Beer+Corporation&btnG=Google+Search) brings up only the UL.
Additionally, Takashi Nomura and Toshiro Mifune are both actors in classic Japanese film, and Otoma comes from Katsuhiro Otomo, a modern director.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/hydrbeer.htm

I'd also add that Tike-Take is almost certainly a name made up by someone who doesn't speak Japanese.

True.

http://darla.neoucom.edu/DEPTS/ANAT/whaleorigins.htm
From your link:
most paleontologists thought that cetaceans were most closely related to mesonychians, Mesonychians are an extinct (Paleocene-Oligocene) group of hoofed mammals from the Northern Hemisphere. They varied in size from that of a weasel to a grizzly bear, and may have eaten carrion or meat.
Scientists studying DNA were of a different opinion, they consider hippopotamids as the closest relatives to cetaceans. Hippopotamids (including the recent Hippo and the Pygmy Hippo) are included in a group of mammals called even-toed ungulates or artiodactyls. Other artiodactyls are: pigs, peccaries, camels, llamas, giraffes, deer, goats, sheep, cattle, and antelopes.
size, not like. It was the size of a bear, not related to a bear.

http://www.sciencenews.org/articles/20010922/fob1.asp
Recent fossil finds from Pakistan overturn the picture of whale evolution long championed by paleontologists, bringing them closer to agreement with an alternative view proposed by molecular biologists. The discoveries establish a close evolutionary link between cetaceans, which include whales, dolphins, and porpoises, and a group of mammals known as artiodactyls. These hoofed animals with an even number of toes include cows, sheep, goats, pigs, deer, and hippopotamuses.

See? Told you so! Whales are cows!

From your link:

size, not like. It was the size of a bear, not related to a bear.


Explain to me how being the same size as a bear is not being...

bear like

If I had wanted to establish a firm connection between actual bears and whales I would have used the term ursine.

When ad-men for pepsi-cola had their slogan, 'Come alive with Pepsi' translated into Mandarin chinese, the translation turned out to mean, 'Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave.'

Unlikely, but Snopes has it as undecided: http://www.snopes.com/business/misxlate/ancestor.asp

And whoever said it was Coke has their ULs confused. You're thinking of the certainly false UL regarding "Bite the wax tadpole".
http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/tadpole.asp

And whoever said it was Coke has their ULs confused. You're thinking of the certainly false UL regarding "Bite the wax tadpole".
http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/tadpole.asp

Yes, but the urban legend does also circulate in a form attached to Coke and 'Coke adds life'.... quick google... frex: http://www.deepchip.com/items/snug99-22.html

When shooting star wars, the guy playing vaders' body wasnt told the script because it was so top secret! He was just making it up as he went along......I know the "guy who plays Darth Vader." Mr. Prouse knew the script... he even said the lines. in the first movie, he wasn't told that his voice would be dubbed over by James Earl Jones. so imagine his surprise when he went to see the completed film...

I know the "guy who plays Darth Vader." Mr. Prouse knew the script... he even said the lines. in the first movie, he wasn't told that his voice would be dubbed over by James Earl Jones. so imagine his surprise when he went to see the completed film...

I still think it a shame that we didn't have Prowse's broad west country accent actually used.

Aqualung?

It's called the something-bladder, I think. I can't remember. :headbang:

I know the "guy who plays Darth Vader." Mr. Prouse knew the script... he even said the lines. in the first movie, he wasn't told that his voice would be dubbed over by James Earl Jones. so imagine his surprise when he went to see the completed film...

He HAD to have known the script, otherwise it would have been absurd.
"I shall choke this guy....NOW!"

It's called the something-bladder, I think. I can't remember. :headbang:
It's called a swim bladder in fish like pike...

It's called a swim bladder in fish like pike...

Swim bladder!!! YES!!!! I knew it, it was right on the tip of my tongue! :headbang:

*throws The Tribes of Longton several hundred uber-cookies*

Swim bladder!!! YES!!!! I knew it, it was right on the tip of my tongue! :headbang:

*throws The Tribes of Longton several hundred uber-cookies*
*eats über cookies*

*gets very very ill*

I got a pointless fact. The hormone which acts on stomach cells to make them produce HCl and pepsin (Gastrin) is produced in the same cells as the products, but has to travel through the circulatory system before it acts on the cells. Utterly pointless.

*eats über cookies*

*gets very very ill*

I got a pointless fact. The hormone which acts on stomach cells to make them produce HCl and pepsin (Gastrin) is produced in the same cells as the products, but has to travel through the circulatory system before it acts on the cells. Utterly pointless.

Can we universalise this statement to include the year which apprentices traditionally spent travelling as journeymen as 'utterly pointless'?

Can we universalise this statement to include the year which apprentices traditionally spent travelling as journeymen as 'utterly pointless'?
I don't see why not!

I don't see why, either, but there you go :p

I know the "guy who plays Darth Vader." Mr. Prouse knew the script... he even said the lines. in the first movie, he wasn't told that his voice would be dubbed over by James Earl Jones. so imagine his surprise when he went to see the completed film...

Well he's under the impression that he didnt know the script, either that or he lied on national radio!......

No, technically they are arthropods - like millipedes - a blue whale can grow up to seventy or eighty feet which it uses to walk along the seabed.

By your train of thought then, a bat is a bird because it has wings, and a bird is an insect because it has wings.

Pass the Dutchie!

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

Horses don't have collar bones



Niether do cats, that's why they're colapsable.

Speaking of cats, do you know they really have six senses? There's a gland in their mouth that tests substances for toxic compounds.