NationStates Jolt Archive

I saw this on yahoo news and my mind was suitably boggled

http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/news/ap/20050315/111091206000.html

Will JRR Tolkien roll over in his grave?

What kind of songs will Gollum sing? Better yet, do the Ringwraiths sing in a chorus line?

Oh God, please no...

It should be called "The Ring and I" :)

Last I had heard Tan Dun was doing the music to this, who is a pretty good composer. I don't know the person listed. Can't be worse that Suesical...

:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: bad things :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

'I'm not a bad man' by Sauron

'I'm your froggy little buddy' By Gollum

'Mr Frodo!' By Sam

Aaaaaand...I'm spent

Could it include some of that "Lord of the dance" style dancing?

hobbitdance

In my opinion the movies weren't all that great, now they are making a freakin MUSICAL?!!?! Is it going to be even longer than the movies? If so somebody needs to be shot for greenlighting such a project, but hey I'd give it a chance just to see if it were good.

May this musical tank worse than any in history, and anyone involved in creating it die in a tragic taffy-puller accident (I'm talking writers and directors...the actors are just trying to make a living, they can go.)

it couldn't be any worse than Rent...

"Ding Dong Saurons dead" sung by a mob of Hobbits ... now wouldn't that be fun?

seriously though, the animated "Return of the King" from about 25 years ago included a number of songs...

including my favorite Orc song of all time...."Where there is a whip, there is a way"

Considering the books were filled with some god-awful songs and poems, I don't think this is such a move for the worse. Sure, the movies (rightly so) avoided all the damn singing, but there you go.

"Ding Dong Saurons dead" sung by a mob of Hobbits ... now wouldn't that be fun?

seriously though, the animated "Return of the King" from about 25 years ago included a number of songs...

including my favorite Orc song of all time...."Where there is a whip, there is a way"

Yes, but having the orcs singing songs just kinda sucks all the evil right out of them, and the music in the Bakshi animated version was absolutely awful, especially that warbling bard that kept interjecting throughout the flick.

Considering the books were filled with some god-awful songs and poems, I don't think this is such a move for the worse. Sure, the movies (rightly so) avoided all the damn singing, but there you go.

good point, and Tolkiens notes had even more that were mercifully not in the books (they came out after his death in various works).

How about 'Master of Puppets' sung by Sauron? :headbang: Or 'The Killer In Me' by Gollum? :headbang:

Can't wait to see the Ringwraiths do a can-can line like the Rockettes. That should be epic. Maybe Sam could lead a rousing chorus of YMCA, or maybe We Are the Champions?

I saw this last year, it's got the same producers as the film or something, I can't remember...it could be interesting, or sacriledge. On the dark side...you can get seriously evil with music. But then you could fall in love with the bad guy (Phantom).

If it includes sitting on an uncomfortable chair for over 10 hours, then just spare me the misery and pass me a review. :D

YEeeeeeeeeeeees!! Presenting, Loooooooooord of the Riiiiings: The Musical!

A rather large number of knights come to save Gondor, or Minas Tirith, or whatever.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee're...knights of Dol-Arshoogie,
We love to do the boogie.
We do routines and chorus scenes, and...shoot, it doesn't rhyme.

...

Frodo. And Sam. On Mount Doom. Lots of lava. Crash! Bang! Boom! Their life sucks.

[Sam] Aw, cheer up, mate. You know what they say...some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle...doooon't grumble, give a whistle! And this'll help this turn out for the bee-eeeeest....and....

Always look on the briiiight side of life. *whistle*
Always look on the liiiight side of life. *whistle*

...

Aragorn, with ten thousand Gondor soldiers. Bar just outside Mordor; operated by Sauron himself. A diversion.

[Arag.] Well, what you've got?
[Waiter] Well, we've got egg and bacon. Egg sausage and bacon. Egg and spam. Spam, egg, sausage and spam. Spam, spam, spam, egg, bacon, and spam. Spam, spam, spam...
[Ringwraiths]Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, Lovely SPAM! Lovely SPAM! Lovely -
[Waiter] Shut up! And a little piece of spam made in the most peculiar manner in the shape of Rohirrin SPAM!
[Gandalf] Well, have you got anything without spam in it?
[Waiter] Well, there's spam, egg, sausage and spam. That hasn't got MUCH spam in it.
[Gandalf] Eeearjha! I don't want any spam!
[Arag.] Well, why can't you have egg, bacon, and spam?
[Gandalf] That's got spam in it!
[Arag.] Well, it hasn't got as much spam in it as Spam, egg, sausage and spam, does it?
[Gandalf] EHrrrraerekjlreke!
[Waiter] What d'ya mean, ehrrrraerekjlreke?
[Gandalf] I don't want any spam!
[Arag.] Well, I'll have your spam then. Can't understand why you don't want spam. I love it. I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, and spam!
[Waiter] Baked beans are out.
[Arag.] Oh, then, can I have SPAM instead of the baked beans?
[Waiter] You mean Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, and ...
[Ringwraiths] Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, LOVELY SPAM! Lovely SPAM! Looooooooooveeel-y SPAAAAAAAAM!
[Waiter]Shut up!
[Gandalf] But I don't like SPAM!
[Arag.] Look, why can't you have just a bit of spam, eh?
They pretend to fight.
[Waiter] Yo, Boss! Help me out here!
Sauron hurries over with a great host of orcs.
[Sauron] ROAAAAAAHR! WHAT IS THE PROBLEEEEEM!?! ROAAAAAAARH!!!
Frodo, from afar, snickers and runs up Mt. Doom with alarming pace, dancing happily to the tune of Marche Officiale des Parachutistes Belges.

A forest. Lots of orcs.

Brave Sir Boromir ran away.
Bravely ran away, away!
When danger rear'd its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled..

.........

As you can tell, I haven't had much exposure to popular music. I'm all out.

Oh. My. God. That's so disgusting. They're going to ruin it! ToT :headbang:
:sniper:

Yes, but having the orcs singing songs just kinda sucks all the evil right out of them, and the music in the Bakshi animated version was absolutely awful, especially that warbling bard that kept interjecting throughout the flick.

don't forget the animated Hobbit as well.... also chock full of cheesy songs sung way to earnestly

by the way, I don't think Bakshi did the Return of the King, he just did the Lord of the Rings (and man was I pissed off when I saw it the first time in theaters a zillion years ago in High School)

the Hobbit and Return of the King were made for television... although Smaug was kinda of fun (the voice characterization).. both had a very decided Hanna Barbara feel to them

You forget:
Aragorn:
But I never wanted to be Strider, I wanted to be...
a king!
I'm a king, and I'm okay.
I fight all night and I sing all day.

Elves:
He's a king, and he's okay.
He fights all night and he sings all day.

Aragorn:
I cut down orcs. I eat my coneys.
I go through the Way of the Dead.
On Wednesdays I go shootin'
And cut off a cave troll's head.

Elves:
He cuts down orcs. He eats his coneys.
He goes through the Way of the Dead.
On Wednesdays he goes shootin'
And cuts off a cave troll's head.
He's a king, and he's okay.
He fights all night and he sings all day.

Aragorn:
I cut down orcs. I skip and dance.
I like to wear old leaves.
I put a tiara on my long hair.
And hang around in inns.

Elves:
He cuts down orcs. He skips and dances.
He likes to wear old leaves.
He puts a tiara on his long hair
And hangs around in inns?!
He's a king, and he's okay.
He fights all night and he sings all day.

Aragorn:
I cut down orcs. I wear long robes,
Necklace, and a sword.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Legolas.

Elves:
He cuts down orcs. He wears long robes,
Necklace, and a sword?!
[talking]
What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My!
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!
[singing]
He's a king, and he's okay.
He fights all night and he sings all day.
He's a king, and he's okaaaaay.
He fights all night and he sings all day.

Oh.

Hrm.

Ah! But king is only one syllable.


I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Legolas.

ROFL! :D

as unhappy as i am with the thought of the stepdancing goblin troupes, i'm pretty sure that nothing can be worse than this:

http://www.drakeshangout.com/video/view/bilbobaggins.htm

(if you don't want to sit around waiting for the buffer to finish, right click/'save target as' the link you find inside that one)

I downloaded that one by mistake, through Shareaza.
Some bugger had named it: Weezer - LOTR soundtrack - Frodo Baggins.
So, curious I downloaded it and played it.
My ears started bleeding. Oh god! The pain!
The only song I've heard worse is William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy's version of 'If I had hammer'.

Have to say - the vid is so cheesy! People in the 60's couldn't dance.

as unhappy as i am with the thought of the stepdancing goblin troupes, i'm pretty sure that nothing can be worse than this:

http://www.drakeshangout.com/video/view/bilbobaggins.htm

(if you don't want to sit around waiting for the buffer to finish, right click/'save target as' the link you find inside that one)

I think I remember that song making the VH1 top 100 worst songs list a couple of years ago... thanks for the link, I have always been curious about it....its famously bad

Better than "Waterworld on Ice".

You all seem to have missed the advanced preview:

(Takes time to load) (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/25/)