NationStates Jolt Archive

Okay... here's the problem. I'm almost 16 and so far have only had special guy in my life... but I got hurt pretty bad... and that was 3 years ago. Ever since I've liked guys... but when they start to like me back I get scared and shy and talk myself out of trying something. For the past few months I've adapted the whole "True Love Waits" idea... but in reality I AM lonely... and I'm afraid I'm going to be afriad of love for the rest of my life.. how can I cure my problem? :(

Okay... here's the problem. I'm almost 16 and so far have only had special guy in my life... but I got hurt pretty bad... and that was 3 years ago. Ever since I've liked guys... but when they start to like me back I get scared and shy and talk myself out of trying something. For the past few months I've adapted the whole "True Love Waits" idea... but in reality I AM lonely... and I'm afraid I'm going to be afriad of love for the rest of my life.. how can I cure my problem? :(
Your best companions in love are usually your best companions in friendship. Look towards friends and you might see interest that you never noticed before.

Watch "Bridget Jones Diary" and set yourslef an example.

Good way to let love come to you. Don't be shy. Be open. Express yourself. Let guys know the way you are.

would love to help, but i haven't really had that much experience myself, tbh :(

i guess i'd advise: stay true to yourself and don't start pretending to be something you're not just to please other people or give yourself a quick fix. if you like someone and you think they like you back, let em know how you feel, but let em know you're uncomfortable, and together you'll be able to sort something out. if not, and he wants things his way or whatever, the dude was a jackass anyway


hey wow i should be an agony aunt :D

See... I've grown up with all the guys around here. There was a guy I liked a while back but when I found out he liked me I freaked out and told him it wouldn't work (way to go me!) My mom would love to set me up with my best friend... but I don't think I could stand losing him if it didn't work out. Right now my friends want me to try and like this guy in my chem class... but I just don't feel anything. And then my ex (the great guy that he is) is always there to remind me of the bad mistake i did by dating him (he's currently on trial for stealing something) so yea... i'm afraid of getting hurt.

Love hurts sometimes. We have to take risks in order to find out if the person we are with can become that someone special. Don't jump headfirst into a relationship just because you are lonely, but if a guy likes you, let him in, instead of shying away. I know it's hard if you're scared, but when you do meet that someone special, even if it's not someone you end up spending the rest of your life with, it will be worth it.

The other thing to realize is that not every 16 year old is in a relationship. Some people are too shy and need time to build up their self-esteem, and some are just too busy with their lives, and date later. Don't let all the pictures and talks of couples make you feel pressured to be in a relationship. Find an activity you enjoy and find a group to join where you can meet others who enjoy doing that. Even if you don't meet a partner, you will have a great group of friends to hang out with and you will be less lonely.

See... I've grown up with all the guys around here. There was a guy I liked a while back but when I found out he liked me I freaked out and told him it wouldn't work (way to go me!) My mom would love to set me up with my best friend... but I don't think I could stand losing him if it didn't work out. Right now my friends want me to try and like this guy in my chem class... but I just don't feel anything. And then my ex (the great guy that he is) is always there to remind me of the bad mistake i did by dating him (he's currently on trial for stealing something) so yea... i'm afraid of getting hurt.
Your ex stole something. You need better guy selection.

Your best companions in love are usually your best companions in friendship. Look towards friends and you might see interest that you never noticed before.

Good idea. My guy just sat next to me by accident and we started crushing the other for probly four months before anything happened, including saying anything past, 'Hi, I'm *****, nice to meet you.'

First off, you need to relax. I thought that when I was 16, which was only a few months ago. Anyway, I broke up with a guy about 6 months. We won't get into details, but I thought I could never be with anyone again. Now guys aren't a priority at all and I don't feel the need to have a guy in my life. With time and experience, that feeling changed for me. Often that is what most people need for a lot of things, time. So give it some time. :)

I can't really help you, but things will get lonely.

Recently i've been finding myself really lonely, everyone else seems to be moving on and i'm just not, and yeah it hurts.

But I also feel things will get better, and you gotta have the same belief. I'm a shy person, and I'm not really strong enough to overcome that, maybe you are, and if not, you should try.

So just relax, things will get better.

Don't go looking for true love at the age of 16. You won't find it. You think you will have found it, but keep in perspective that people change over time and all that stuff.

Yea... I'm trying... and every time I think i'm there something happens. Like I thought I could move on with this guy... but like I said I freaked out and he "got over me" I guess is the only way to say it. And now that he's so obviously moved on to another girl... I feel this void because we were best friends for like a year and then I started to think of him as more and I still do. *sigh* I'm trying to figure out what God wants for me... but I feel so lost right now.

First of all, you're only 16. You're still pretty young and you're not all that different from a lot of people your age and there's hope. The right guy is out there, he's just going to have to work a little harder in getting through to you. I've been hurt more times than I can count, but I always have to keep open about my options as the right girl is there for me. To close yourself up because of a failed relationship you had at 13 is robbing yourself of the rest of your life. You can rise above that

thetopper@graffiti.net

Yea... I know... i was a freshmen at the time and I'm a junior now so i guess it was really only 2 1/2 years ago... and then I had one "fling" last year that was... well the only word good is hell. And I guess I'm just afraid of making a mistake...

Okay... here's the problem. I'm almost 16 and so far have only had special guy in my life... but I got hurt pretty bad... and that was 3 years ago. Ever since I've liked guys... but when they start to like me back I get scared and shy and talk myself out of trying something. For the past few months I've adapted the whole "True Love Waits" idea... but in reality I AM lonely... and I'm afraid I'm going to be afriad of love for the rest of my life.. how can I cure my problem? :(

WTF! You're only fifteen - what's your hurry? What is missing in your life that you need to 'be in love' with anyone for? Is your self image really so empty? If you can't be happy with just you what makes you think anyone else will be?

Originally posted by Bozzy
WTF! You're only fifteen - what's your hurry? What is missing in your life that you need to 'be in love' with anyone for? Is your self image really so empty? If you can't be happy with just you what makes you think anyone else will be?

She's a 15 year-old girl. Leave her alone. That's the mindset at that age.

She's a 15 year-old girl. Leave her alone. That's the mindset at that age.
I wish it had been the teenage girl mindset around me at that age.

I wish it had been the teenage girl mindset around me at that age.
At 15, the only thing on my mind is passing high school. Now two years later, the only thing on my mind is passing CEGEP.

She's a 15 year-old girl. Leave her alone. That's the mindset at that age.
Hmm, generalization, stereotype and sexism all in one bundle. Nice!

Just because everyone else does it does not justify it - it only rationalizes it. AKA - an excuse.

At 15, the only thing on my mind is passing high school. Now two years later, the only thing on my mind is passing CEGEP.
I've basically already passed my A-levels, but still no luck. Must discover what is off-putting about me..... :confused:

Okay... here's the problem. I'm almost 16 and so far have only had special guy in my life... but I got hurt pretty bad... and that was 3 years ago. Ever since I've liked guys... but when they start to like me back I get scared and shy and talk myself out of trying something. For the past few months I've adapted the whole "True Love Waits" idea... but in reality I AM lonely... and I'm afraid I'm going to be afriad of love for the rest of my life.. how can I cure my problem? :(
You're 16!

I didnt' go on my first date until I was nearly 18. Relax, you have plenty of time to meet someone and well, I find that you always end up finding someone when you're not looking.

Stop worrying about it and someone will end up coming along. Just go abotu your life as usual, maybe join some clubs at school that you would be interested in, you'll meet someone with common interests and perhaps something will happen, if not, then well, I'm sure everyone can use more friends.

Yup, I agree with Dakini relax. Chill. Enjoy life. Hang out with friends more often.

Don't be desperate.. because there's always some bastard guys who'd love desperate girls because their easy to get into bed with. "I'll love you if you have sex" and other stupid reasons.

Originally posted by B0zzy
Hmm, generalization, stereotype and sexism all in one bundle. Nice!

Just because everyone else does it does not justify it - it only rationalizes it. AKA - an excuse.

I'm not being sexist. I was a 15 year-old girl not too long ago. You're most likely a man with no children so I suggest you take some child development classes before you have kids. Not all 15 year-old girls had their minds set on guys, but a lot of them do. Obviously, that is her mind set since she thinks she'll never be able to love again. I'm 17 and I have realized that what I thought was "love" in the past wasn't. I also realized that at 15 I didn't need to be looking for guys or even now. I'm simply saying that you shouldn't have been so condescending towards her. That is not going to make her listen to you. You cannot apply your logic to someone considerably younger than you. You have more experience, thus you can understand thing they cannot.

I just turned 19; still no boyfriend. It's no big deal, I have friends and I'm happy the way I am. I'd rather be single than be with the wrong person. Things'll happen when they're meant to.

I'm not being sexist. ..... You're most likely a man with no children...

Wow. You really should attend some sensitivity training. You seem to have significant issues with stereotyping and sexism. Maybe you'd like to comment on my race too? You advance the stereotype that men are incapable of empathy, particularly those with no children. Maybe you'd like to reconsider your preconceived notions about men, fatherhood, marriage and relationships before you start giving others advice about them.

Advice is not about being nice - it is about being honest.

Originally posted by B0zzy
Wow. You really should attend some sensitivity training. You seem to have significant issues with stereotyping and sexism. Maybe you'd like to comment on my race too? You advance the stereotype that men are incapable of empathy, particularly those with no children. Maybe you'd like to reconsider your preconceived notions about men, fatherhood, marriage and relationships before you start giving others advice about them.

Advice is not about being nice - it is about being honest.

Yeah, you're right,

Originally posted by Bozzy
WTF! You're only fifteen - what's your hurry? What is missing in your life that you need to 'be in love' with anyone for? Is your self image really so empty? If you can't be happy with just you what makes you think anyone else will be?

but how is this going to help here? Funny you talk about advice. I don't see any advice there. Criticizing her is not going to help. All you did was took a bunch of questions that entail what she asked in the first place and threw them back in here face. I remember she posted this for help. She doesn't seem to really have a grasp on why she feels like that or what she should do in the first place.

Okay... here's the problem. I'm almost 16 and so far have only had special guy in my life... but I got hurt pretty bad... and that was 3 years ago. Ever since I've liked guys... but when they start to like me back I get scared and shy and talk myself out of trying something. For the past few months I've adapted the whole "True Love Waits" idea... but in reality I AM lonely... and I'm afraid I'm going to be afriad of love for the rest of my life.. how can I cure my problem? :(

Just relax. You aren't going to be afraid of love for the rest of your life.

You have plenty of time.

Okay... here's the problem. I'm almost 16 and so far have only had special guy in my life... but I got hurt pretty bad... and that was 3 years ago. Ever since I've liked guys... but when they start to like me back I get scared and shy and talk myself out of trying something. For the past few months I've adapted the whole "True Love Waits" idea... but in reality I AM lonely... and I'm afraid I'm going to be afriad of love for the rest of my life.. how can I cure my problem? :(
You should post this on Eutrusca and Zooke's advice thread here (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=404292) ...they have years of experience and lots of wisdom.

Yeah, you're right,



but how is this going to help here? Funny you talk about advice. I don't see any advice there. Criticizing her is not going to help. All you did was took a bunch of questions that entail what she asked in the first place and threw them back in here face. I remember she posted this for help. She doesn't seem to really have a grasp on why she feels like that or what she should do in the first place.
A person is more likely understand the solution if they come up with the answer on their own rather than if they are told. My post is simply guidance towards the correct answer - you have to be able to love yourself before you can love someone else. You must first be a complete person. You cannot depend on someone else to complete you. If you do it will be a relationship built on dependance and need rather than on sharing and love. A healthy relationship requires healthy participants.

I suppose at fifteen, or even seventeen, the answer is not so apparent as i may have thought...

Okay... here's the problem. I'm almost 16 and so far have only had special guy in my life... but I got hurt pretty bad... and that was 3 years ago. Ever since I've liked guys... but when they start to like me back I get scared and shy and talk myself out of trying something. For the past few months I've adapted the whole "True Love Waits" idea... but in reality I AM lonely... and I'm afraid I'm going to be afriad of love for the rest of my life.. how can I cure my problem? :(

welcome to the club

Around 16 is the perfect age for thinking about a long relationship. My sister had, many in my class did, I.. ehm...

Originally posted by B0zzy
I suppose at fifteen, or even seventeen, the answer is not so apparent as i may have thought...


That's my point. :rolleyes:
People tend to be threatened when you're mean or criticize them before you know them. I don't care if you think I'm being insensitive, I'm just trying to direct people in the right path. Perhaps I am being stereotypical, but if the shoe fits then you've got a match! That's not being sexist. A girl is going to understand a girl better if they have similar experiences then say if they were a guy who doesn't. I don't know about your experiences, but being 20+ year-old doesn't make you better at solving the situation. Perhaps your advice is correct, which is similar to my own, but it is poorly executed. Remember when I was insensitive to you? Well you probably won't take my advice. I'd imagine she wouldn't want to take yours if she fines it insensitive as well.

So what part of WI you in? Far away from that psyco shooter I hope. My folks live in Fond Du Lac half of the year and I have family in Milwaukee. I am in FL where it is sunny and warm today... again. :cool:

I live near Madison. So, no, I don't live near where the shootings occured, but I'm not at all surprised. Wisconsin has had quite a few psychos. So, why all of a sudden are you putting your defenses down? I was shocked to see your post, but I'd rather like someone and be friendly with them then not like them. :)

Okay... here's the problem. I'm almost 16 and so far have only had special guy in my life... but I got hurt pretty bad... and that was 3 years ago. Ever since I've liked guys... but when they start to like me back I get scared and shy and talk myself out of trying something. For the past few months I've adapted the whole "True Love Waits" idea... but in reality I AM lonely... and I'm afraid I'm going to be afriad of love for the rest of my life.. how can I cure my problem? :(

Try to ease yourself into it gently (i.e. friendship first).

P.S... I'm 16 and open... ;) ^.^