NationStates Jolt Archive

Advice For NationStates Members

As a free service to all members of NationStates, Eutrusca and Zooke are starting this thread to offer advice and counsel. As two who have lived through an amazing variety of experiences over the combined period of 116 years, we will draw on this experience to offer whatever small help we can to those for whom we have developed a growing fondness. We refer to ourselves as “life coaches” because this term most closely describes what we do.

The Process:

1. Post your concerns, issues, problems, etc., to the thread. If the issue is a personal one you would rather not share with everyone, please TG either of us for a personal reply. Please avoid asking about “hypothetical issues.” Please try to keep your post concise and to the point, but without omitting relevant details.

2. We will respond as soon as possible with what we consider to be our best advice.

3. If you feel that our response does not address the actual issue about which you are concerned, feel free to explain and ask for another response.

4. There will be times when the issue or problem is beyond our level of expertise. When this happens, we will try to locate someone we feel is capable of addressing your issue. Feel free to keep us posted, since the primary reason we are doing this is out of our concern for you.

The Coaches:

1. Zooke (which is short for “Zookeeper”) turned 54 on the 27th of February, 2005. She is married for the second time and adopted four special needs children who ranged in age from 4 to 14 when adopted. Two are legally blind, one is epileptic, and the youngest is dyslexic. “My oldest is married, has 2 girls, and is an engineer for Microsoft. My daughter, Mary Beth, died 4 years ago of a brain aneurysm from a concussion she received during a seizure. Before she passed, she had taken an artistic flare and a love of baking and turned it into a successful bakery. Against the odds, she managed to have 2 children, a girl and a boy. My third and his wife adopted a little boy and little girl a few years ago. My youngest and his first wife had a little boy, and twin girls. His current wife brought a couple of kids with her so now he has a really big family. He is a fire fighter and a part-time sherriff's deputy.” Zooke now has 9 grandchildren, 5 dogs, and 2 cats.

2. Eutrusca ( Forrest ) has been a life coach for three years now, having worked with numerous clients from all walks of life. He has a masters degree in Industrial Relations and Organizational Studies. The father of 5 children (3 adopted), he now has 7 grandchildren, 1 cat and 1 dog.

Disclaimer: This service is a free service provided by the parties indicated above. It is not endorsed by or affiliated with NationStates in any way, and the advisors hereby absolve NationStates for any and all claims or disputes arising out of or relating to any proffered advice. The parties make no claims as to the efficacy of any proffered advice. Advisees are urged to contact other appropriate parties and services to verify the appropriateness of any advice proffered. Following or failing to follow any proffered advice is at the sole discretion of the advisee.

What a great idea! How generous of you two! I'm sure I will have oodles of questions for you both. So be ready...... :)

I think this thread is a great idea, you guys seem to be the best people to ask about personal or problems in general, simply because you guys have experienced a lot more than the vast majority of NS'ers.

I have a small basic question: When you guys were in your late teens and early
20's, for me it is the craziest time of my life so far,how did you guys make adjustments in that period of your lives, and any advice for those who are trying to make that transition presently?


Cheers,
P.

sweet first question! :D

Nice thread i was gonna disrespect it with a stupid question but i wont. ;)

Cool, ya'll did it.
Should be an inciteful thread. :)

Yay for Zooke and Eutrusca!

Are growing pains really this painful, or do I have some sort of malignant disease wreaking havoc with my innards?

EDIT: Hey, Monotonous! You kept my sig - yay!

Why should I listen to you old fogeys?

Cool, ya'll did it.
Should be an inciteful thread. :)
[Emphasis mine.]

I should certainly hope not.

Merriam-Webster OnLine (http://www.m-w.com)
Main Entry: in·cite
: to move to action : stir up : spur on : urge on

synonyms INCITE, INSTIGATE, ABET, FOMENT mean to spur to action. INCITE stresses a stirring up and urging on, and may or may not imply initiating <inciting a riot>. INSTIGATE definitely implies responsibility for initiating another's action and often connotes underhandedness or evil intention <instigated a conspiracy>. ABET implies both assisting and encouraging <aiding and abetting the enemy>. FOMENT implies persistence in goading <fomenting rebellion>.

--The Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester

I'm a member in the UN. I just recently joined and What does it mean that the UN has no endorsements for me? Could you send me a TG about that? I thought I was going to be voting on issues in the UN but I don't know how. :(

I'm a member in the UN. I just recently joined and What does it mean that the UN has no endorsements for me? Could you send me a TG about that? I thought I was going to be voting on issues in the UN but I don't know how. :(
You want an entirely different forum.

I'm a member in the UN. I just recently joined and What does it mean that the UN has no endorsements for me? Could you send me a TG about that? I thought I was going to be voting on issues in the UN but I don't know how. :(
This thread is intended for advice in real life. Your question pertains to NationStates itself, and should be asked here (http://www.forums.jolt.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?f=1224).

Short answer: When a proposal goes to the UN floor for a vote, you click on the "United Nations" link in the left sidebar and then read the proposal up for vote. (There is not always a proposal up for vote; sometimes the UN floor is idle). "No endorsements" means that no other UN members have endorsed you for the position of UN Delegate of your region. If you want to endorse someone else, then view their national page and click the link that says "Add your endorsement".

--The Modified Democratic States of Cogitation
NationStates Game Moderator

[Emphasis mine.]

I should certainly hope not.



--The Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester


O sorry, meant helpful.

i'd just like to say that you both sound like good people, and that you both have my respect :)

i'm sure i'm gonna be posting something here soonish...

So it would seem, Longton.

Hey Pops and Zooke, I have a question:

I'm 28 and single, by choice. I've been only engaging in lighthearted dating and casual sex for the past few years. This is becuase I'm currently trying to place my focus on my career and business.
For me, any serious relationship in the past has severely screwed with my plans.

Does this sound like a good or bad idea for you guys? Am I cheating myself out of any chance to have a meaningful relationship for something (some see as) less important?

All help would be greatly appreciated. :)

O sorry, meant helpful.

You actually meant "insightful."

Those wacky homonyms.

Hey Pops and Zooke, I have a question:

I'm 28 and single, by choice. I've been only engaging in lighthearted dating and casual sex for the past few years. This is becuase I'm currently trying to place my focus on my career and business.
For me, any serious relationship in the past has severely screwed with my plans.

Does this sound like a good or bad idea for you guys? Am I cheating myself out of any chance to have a meaningful relationship for something (some see as) less important?

All help would be greatly appreciated. :)


I know I'm biased and all, being your cyber sis, but I think youre a cruel man to deprive some lucky woman of all the wonderful things you have to offer. I'd start making a list but I have to go soon and it would take a loooong time to list all of your attributes. I respect you for being ambitious and focusing on your career though. You are sure to be successful. You just dont find many men who have the good looks, brains and passion. Be sure to hold out for a very special lady, so that she may appreciate you for who and what you are and who will love you no matter what....ok I'll hush now and wait for Poppy or Zooke to come along and give you some words of wisdom. :) much love sweetie.

Meh, thought this would be a good place to catch both Eichen and Eutrusca. Just to let you both know, Peechy adopted me earlier, so Eichen, you're my new e-uncle, and Eutrusca, my new e-grandad!

You actually meant "insightful."

Those wacky homonyms.
homophobe!

yes i know....

Chronologically I'm one of the Elders, but no one in their right mind would take life advice from me. On the other hand, there are plenty of nuts here, so I could start a thread for them. :p

Why should I listen to you old fogeys?
None whatsoever. If you don't want to listen, then don't listen. Simple, yes? :D

Meh, thought this would be a good place to catch both Eichen and Eutrusca. Just to let you both know, Peechy adopted me earlier, so Eichen, you're my new e-uncle, and Eutrusca, my new e-grandad!
LOL! Verily, our tribe increaseth! :D

Hey Pops and Zooke, I have a question:

I'm 28 and single, by choice. I've been only engaging in lighthearted dating and casual sex for the past few years. This is becuase I'm currently trying to place my focus on my career and business.

For me, any serious relationship in the past has severely screwed with my plans.

Does this sound like a good or bad idea for you guys? Am I cheating myself out of any chance to have a meaningful relationship for something (some see as) less important?

All help would be greatly appreciated. :)
You are wise to wait until your career and business are going well.

I can't add much to what Peeachy has said. Her advice for you seems very sound. One thing you might consider: the sort of maturity you're looking for in a life partner usually comes only when life has slapped one around enough to impart a bit of wisdom. Perhaps this is one of the things you should look for in a life-partner.

It's rare, at least in my experience ( Zooke may have something to add here ) that most young women prior to about 30 have sufficient life experience to know what they don't want yet.

ONE CAUTION: If you should happen upon someone who has the maturity, intellect, etc. you're looking for, don't pass up the opportunity to explore options with her. Sometimes life is what happens to us while our attention is elsewhere. :)

Chronologically I'm one of the Elders, but no one in their right mind would take life advice from me. On the other hand, there are plenty of nuts here, so I could start a thread for them. :p
True, you are a bit of a nut, but I've never known you to give other than sound advice when such was called for. ( Don't tell anyone, but Zooke and I are sorta nutty too at times! ) :D

Since NS General Forum isn't accepting any more "sticky posts," I'm probably going to be buping this rather often until everyone knows it's here. I hope the Myrth god will understand. :)

Since NS General Forum isn't accepting any more "sticky posts," I'm probably going to be buping this rather often until everyone knows it's here. I hope the Myrth god will understand. :)

He will or we will tie him up and beat him with uncooked vermacelli.


And why hasnt Eichen read our remarks? Whered he go?

So, do you guys offer advice on any subject?

So, do you guys offer advice on any subject?

Yeah Hil....ask away....they will be happy to give you advice....on pretty much anything.

So, do you guys offer advice on any subject?
Within the limits of our combined experience and training, yes.

Yeah Hil....ask away....they will be happy to give you advice....on pretty much anything.


Excellent, thanks. And please, call me Kolya.


This is gonna be long winded kinda, so I apologize. It's a girl issue, of course.

I've had basically one serious girlfriend in my life. Her name is Marina. She's Yugoslavian and I'm Russian. I met her in the US, where I go to school, in MD. She's two years older than me. Aside from my mum and sisters, she's the only woman I've ever loved. She broke up with me in May 2003. Since then, I've had no girlfriend or relationship (stunning to Oksana, I know). I still kinda pined after her and want her back. She gave a whole bunch of reasons for breaking up with me (didn't see me like that, am a great friend, sweet guy, doesn't want to lose our friendship, sees me like a brother, etc.). Anyway, it's kind of hard to tell with this girl what she feels, because she keeps her feelings quiet and to herself. The thing is, it's hard to tell what she feels. Since we broke up, we have kissed and stayed as best friends, and when we're hanging out we're usually fairly close to each other. The thing is though, it's hard to tell. She went back to Serbia for the first time in a long time this past winter and while she was there, she got me some stuff (a shirt, a heart pillow that says Najboljem Drugu, Best Friend on it, and a christmas card and a letter). The card said "Happy Holidays (I miss you a lot)" and the letter talked about realizing how I really was her closest friend and wishing I was there with her at some party cause it would be more fun and missing me and stuff like that. One time when we were talking as well, I mentioned hooking up with other girls and thinking of her, and she said "I'm glad you think of me when you're f'ing other girls". Now my friends said that sounded like jealousy, and the other stuff from over Christmas sounded like she might have some feelings. I decided to stop talking to her on Sunday or so, so I haven't talked to her all this week. What do you guys think?

Yes! Finally a god-thread! These are the questions that occupy my mind...
1. What constitutes a life that is good for a person living it?
2. What enhances individual well-being in normal cases? (in a clear case. please don't come up with a case his/hers legs are/are to be chopped off)

In short... I want to know what is good. You don't have to be normative in your answer. Any answer is appreciated.

Edit: Sorry. I din't read the disclaimer. I do not try to be an ass. :) (it comes naturally)

Whew....I just got home from work and have read through the thread. First, I want to thank all of you for your vote of confidence. Eutrusca and I will do everything we can not to disappoint and to handle each question with careful thought.

Now, if you all will give me a few minutes, I'll address each question in order. If you have tried to TG me, give me a few minutes more to get back on those.

BRB

My clothing takes a lot of abuse. They seem to always need washing and/or mending. Is there anything I can do to prolong the life expectancy of my clothing?

Excellent, thanks. And please, call me Kolya.


This is gonna be long winded kinda, so I apologize. It's a girl issue, of course.

I've had basically one serious girlfriend in my life. Her name is Marina. She's Yugoslavian and I'm Russian. I met her in the US, where I go to school, in MD. She's two years older than me. Aside from my mum and sisters, she's the only woman I've ever loved. She broke up with me in May 2003. Since then, I've had no girlfriend or relationship (stunning to Oksana, I know). I still kinda pined after her and want her back. She gave a whole bunch of reasons for breaking up with me (didn't see me like that, am a great friend, sweet guy, doesn't want to lose our friendship, sees me like a brother, etc.). Anyway, it's kind of hard to tell with this girl what she feels, because she keeps her feelings quiet and to herself. The thing is, it's hard to tell what she feels. Since we broke up, we have kissed and stayed as best friends, and when we're hanging out we're usually fairly close to each other. The thing is though, it's hard to tell. She went back to Serbia for the first time in a long time this past winter and while she was there, she got me some stuff (a shirt, a heart pillow that says Najboljem Drugu, Best Friend on it, and a christmas card and a letter). The card said "Happy Holidays (I miss you a lot)" and the letter talked about realizing how I really was her closest friend and wishing I was there with her at some party cause it would be more fun and missing me and stuff like that. One time when we were talking as well, I mentioned hooking up with other girls and thinking of her, and she said "I'm glad you think of me when you're f'ing other girls". Now my friends said that sounded like jealousy, and the other stuff from over Christmas sounded like she might have some feelings. I decided to stop talking to her on Sunday or so, so I haven't talked to her all this week. What do you guys think?
This is one of the easiest areas about which to advise someone ... and one of the hardest types of advice to take.

It should go without saying that any relationship, to succeed, must be a two-way street. Based on her behavior, it sounds as if she feels differently than you do. It also sounds as if she's not in touch with her own feelings about you.

If, as appears, you still have feelings for her, my recommendation is to stay in touch with her as a friend might stay in touch with a friend. Contact her infrequently, but always be kind and gracious. Don't speak of your feelings for her, or ask about her feelings for you. Give her a bit of time and see what transpires. If she decides she cares about you, she'll let you know. Don't try to "interpret" her actions and words, let her tell you how she feels.

Hard advice, but that's mine for what it's worth. Zooke may want to weigh in on this later.

This is one of the easiest areas about which to advise someone ... and one of the hardest types of advice to take.

It should go without saying that any relationship, to succeed, must be a two-way street. Based on her behavior, it sounds as if she feels differently than you do. It also sounds as if she's not in touch with her own feelings about you.

If, as appears, you still have feelings for her, my recommendation is to stay in touch with her as a friend might stay in touch with a friend. Contact her infrequently, but always be kind and gracious. Don't speak of your feelings for her, or ask about her feelings for you. Give her a bit of time and see what transpires. If she decides she cares about you, she'll let you know. Don't try to "interpret" her actions and words, let her tell you how she feels.

Hard advice, but that's mine for what it's worth. Zooke may want to weigh in on this later.

Appreciate it, man. You were US Army, yeah? When did you serve, what was your MOS?

I think this thread is a great idea, you guys seem to be the best people to ask about personal or problems in general, simply because you guys have experienced a lot more than the vast majority of NS'ers.

I have a small basic question: When you guys were in your late teens and early
20's, for me it is the craziest time of my life so far,how did you guys make adjustments in that period of your lives, and any advice for those who are trying to make that transition presently?


Cheers,
P.

sweet first question! :D

I was fortunate to have great parents encouraging me all the way. I tried to stay focused on my ultimate life goals. I know that at your age Eutrusca was in the military, and I was a college student. Our evolution from youth to adult followed much different courses. I got my education then jumped right into marriage and parenthood. It was the right course for me, but not for everyone.

It is a chaotic time in life, second only to puberty. Choose your friends wisely, use your time even more wisely, and work for what you want most out of life. It's easy to give in to the temptation to cut loose, have fun, and worry about tomorrow later. That can become a habit. It's OK to enjoy this time in your life, but you will enjoy the rest of your life much more if you make a few sacrifices now.

I was fortunate to have great parents encouraging me all the way. I tried to stay focused on my ultimate life goals. I know that at your age Eutrusca was in the military, and I was a college student. Our evolution from youth to adult followed much different courses. I got my education then jumped right into marriage and parenthood. It was the right course for me, but not for everyone.

It is a chaotic time in life, second only to puberty. Choose your friends wisely, use your time even more wisely, and work for what you want most out of life. It's easy to give in to the temptation to cut loose, have fun, and worry about tomorrow later. That can become a habit. It's OK to enjoy this time in your life, but you will enjoy the rest of your life much more if you make a few sacrifices now.

Thanks a lot, i am going to save this to analyse a little bit later. btw I am 18 and i am in my first year of university.

Hey Pops and Zooke, I have a question:

I'm 28 and single, by choice. I've been only engaging in lighthearted dating and casual sex for the past few years. This is becuase I'm currently trying to place my focus on my career and business.
For me, any serious relationship in the past has severely screwed with my plans.

Does this sound like a good or bad idea for you guys? Am I cheating myself out of any chance to have a meaningful relationship for something (some see as) less important?

All help would be greatly appreciated. :)

I agree with Eutrusca. To jump into a serious relationship for the sake of itself is never wise. You never know when you'll run across someone who has similar goals. I'm also a firm believer that when the "right" one comes along, your career and business will come in second, and you will be able to view them as the way to provide a life you can enjoy with that person.

Yes! Finally a god-thread! These are the questions that occupy my mind...
1. What constitutes a life that is good for a person living it?
2. What enhances individual well-being in normal cases? (in a clear case. please don't come up with a case his/hers legs are/are to be chopped off)

In short... I want to know what is good. You don't have to be normative in your answer. Any answer is appreciated.
What is good? Why not just ask about the meaning of life??? LOL!

Hmmm. The secret to living a good life:

1. Find your "life's calling." What is it that motivates you? What drives you? What things "turn you on?" Often this will only come after you try many different things. If you don't know your life's calling, try a wide variety of things until you find that which fulfills you, then do that.

2. Learn that the most valuable things in life come to you when you give to others.

3. Learn to not want. The endless quest for material things or money satisfies only for a brief time.

4. Learn to love learning. Make it a lifelong habit.

5. Find something greater than yourself to devote yourself to. Family, community, nation, humanity, the web of life, spirituality, all have the potential of being causes to which you can devote your time and energy.

As a philosophy of life, this is a very brief one, but one that I have found satisfies in the long run.

What is good? Why not just ask about the meaning of life??? LOL!

Yes. I was being an ass. I meant 'good' in its philosophical, prudential value sense. My bad. I tried to edit my post before you answered. Good luck with this thread... and sorry.

Excellent, thanks. And please, call me Kolya.


This is gonna be long winded kinda, so I apologize. It's a girl issue, of course.

I've had basically one serious girlfriend in my life. Her name is Marina. She's Yugoslavian and I'm Russian. I met her in the US, where I go to school, in MD. She's two years older than me. Aside from my mum and sisters, she's the only woman I've ever loved. She broke up with me in May 2003. Since then, I've had no girlfriend or relationship (stunning to Oksana, I know). I still kinda pined after her and want her back. She gave a whole bunch of reasons for breaking up with me (didn't see me like that, am a great friend, sweet guy, doesn't want to lose our friendship, sees me like a brother, etc.). Anyway, it's kind of hard to tell with this girl what she feels, because she keeps her feelings quiet and to herself. The thing is, it's hard to tell what she feels. Since we broke up, we have kissed and stayed as best friends, and when we're hanging out we're usually fairly close to each other. The thing is though, it's hard to tell. She went back to Serbia for the first time in a long time this past winter and while she was there, she got me some stuff (a shirt, a heart pillow that says Najboljem Drugu, Best Friend on it, and a christmas card and a letter). The card said "Happy Holidays (I miss you a lot)" and the letter talked about realizing how I really was her closest friend and wishing I was there with her at some party cause it would be more fun and missing me and stuff like that. One time when we were talking as well, I mentioned hooking up with other girls and thinking of her, and she said "I'm glad you think of me when you're f'ing other girls". Now my friends said that sounded like jealousy, and the other stuff from over Christmas sounded like she might have some feelings. I decided to stop talking to her on Sunday or so, so I haven't talked to her all this week. What do you guys think?

Again, Eutrusca nailed it. Don't push her. Let her take her time and make her own decision. I'll add that if your partner isn't your best friend, then you're with the wrong person.

You need to realize that she may never come to feel about you as you feel about her. I figure that there has to be hundreds, maybe thousands of people in this world that we could love. If she never sees you as more than a friend, then appreciate how much better it will be when you find someone else compatible who shares your feelings.

My clothing takes a lot of abuse. They seem to always need washing and/or mending. Is there anything I can do to prolong the life expectancy of my clothing?

Only thing I can suggest is shower often. Other than that, if you find the answer, please let me know!! ;)

Yes! Finally a god-thread! These are the questions that occupy my mind...
1. What constitutes a life that is good for a person living it?
2. What enhances individual well-being in normal cases? (in a clear case. please don't come up with a case his/hers legs are/are to be chopped off)

In short... I want to know what is good. You don't have to be normative in your answer. Any answer is appreciated.

Edit: Sorry. I din't read the disclaimer. I do not try to be an ass. :) (it comes naturally)

That's OK. I'll answer you anyway. The best life is one that is full of love and compassion for others. When you can make "me" less important than "we" and treat others with respect and honest caring, the good will come back to you to enrich your life.

And again...thanks...? I'm in a wrong thread. But you are nice. I feel the warmth. Carry on.

Yes. I was being an ass. I meant 'good' in its philosophical, prudential value sense. My bad. I tried to edit my post before you answered. Good luck with this thread... and sorry.

Thanks...and please come back if you need us.

Thanks...and please come back if you need us.
Thanks, I just might. It's not that I'm a lot younger than you... Eutrusca is 60+, right...? I did some math... it doesn't mean I don't need advice though,. :D

Only thing I can suggest is shower often. Other than that, if you find the answer, please let me know!! ;)
Um ... he could always move South and join a nudist colony. That should cut down on the wear and tear on clothes. :D

Um ... he could always move South and join a nudist colony. That should cut down on the wear and tear on clothes. :D

Oh, I don't know if I wanna see that. :eek:

I can't get the NS site, can you? Yahoo time.

Oh, I don't know if I wanna see that. :eek:

I can't get the NS site, can you? Yahoo time.
Nope. I'll turn Yahoo on.

How can I get the mOds to stop hateing me?

How can I get the mOds to stop hateing me?

Follow the rules.

Follow the rules.


I don't agree with the rules.

I also don't feel they are uniformly applied.

I don't agree with the rules.

I also don't feel they are uniformly applied.

I've found they're pretty fair. If you accept the courtesy of using this site, then it's up to you to follow the rules of the site or move on.

Will the main page be resurrected in time for me to view our region:
NationStates Region 640 Members
at some point tonite or should I just crash and check it tomorrow?

BTW: We are the Coolest Brownie Loving Region
And cool music too

Peace

Will the main page be resurrected in time for me to view our region:
NationStates Region 640 Members
at some point tonite or should I just crash and check it tomorrow?

BTW: We are the Coolest Brownie Loving Region
And cool music too

Peace

We are offering personal advice, only.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8416448&postcount=12

If I was an American, how could I convince Europeans
1. not to envy me

2. that the American influence and power and capability is good

3. not to be afraid that America is finally recognizing that its influence and power are capable of changing the world

???

Couldn't stand it could you? :p We are not going to present political, moral, and religious views in this thread.

I'm going to log off for now. If you have a question, post and one of us will answer as soon as we get back online.

Please don't do this:

"Bunnyducks
This message has been deleted by Bunnyducks. Reason: just because"

I moved it to a thread you are active in. By the request of your partner here. I realised it suited poorly here. I hope you can keep this thread clean.

I moved it to a thread you are active in. By the request of your partner here. I realised it suited poorly here. I hope you can keep this thread clean.
Thanks. Me too. :)

Should I short the dollar against the Yuan? If not why not?

Should I short the dollar against the Yuan? If not why not?
Sorry, but neither Zooke nor I are qualified to advise you on international exchange rates. :)

Sorry, but neither Zooke nor I are qualified to advise you on international exchange rates. :)

Well I hope you are working on finding someone who can. As per your initial post. If not I will be sorely disappointed.

I know I'm biased and all, being your cyber sis, but I think youre a cruel man to deprive some lucky woman of all the wonderful things you have to offer. I'd start making a list but I have to go soon and it would take a loooong time to list all of your attributes. I respect you for being ambitious and focusing on your career though. You are sure to be successful. You just dont find many men who have the good looks, brains and passion. Be sure to hold out for a very special lady, so that she may appreciate you for who and what you are and who will love you no matter what....ok I'll hush now and wait for Poppy or Zooke to come along and give you some words of wisdom. :) much love sweetie.
Thank God we're only cyber! :p I actually get some offers to get more serious, but I cool down. You're right though, I'd keep hot for the right one.

Meh, thought this would be a good place to catch both Eichen and Eutrusca. Just to let you both know, Peechy adopted me earlier, so Eichen, you're my new e-uncle, and Eutrusca, my new e-grandad!
Nephew, I look forward to getting to know you better. We're some gooooood lineage for NS, trust me! :D

Nephew, I look forward to getting to know you better. We're some gooooood lineage for NS, trust me! :D
LOL! Um ... would it not be best to let others sing your praises, oh egotistical one? :D

Should I short the dollar against the Yuan? If not why not?

I am an accountant, and I manage a few dozen investments for the organization I work for, but I do not have experience in international investments. You need an investment advisor. There are any number available that are recognizable as reputable by name value.

I haven't heard from her in a little while now, and i'm worried. I cannot get through to her on her cell phone/Im or Email, and I shouldn't probably call her home phone.

What should I do?

I haven't heard from her in a little while now, and i'm worried. I cannot get through to her on her cell phone/Im or Email, and I shouldn't probably call her home phone.

What should I do?


Do you have any mutual friends that might have seen or talked to her? Is it unusual for her to go so long without calling you? Does she still live with her parents and might be grounded? Were you two arguing the last time you spoke?

Do you have any mutual friends that might have seen or talked to her? Is it unusual for her to go so long without calling you? Does she still live with her parents and might be grounded? Were you two arguing the last time you spoke?

A) Not really no.
B) Yes it is.
C) Yes she does, so I suppose it's a possibility.
D) Sort-of .. difficult to explain.

I think I might just call at home ..

A) Not really no.
B) Yes it is.
C) Yes she does, so I suppose it's a possibility.
D) Sort-of .. difficult to explain.

I think I might just call at home ..

I know that you are hesitant to cause any problems with her parents, but I see that you live in a large city. Your concern is warranted. If she's grounded or miffed, nothing is really lost by your calling. If something has happened to her, your input might be helpful. Please let me know what you find out, OK?

I know that you are hesitant to cause any problems with her parents, but I see that you live in a large city. Your concern is warranted. If she's grounded or miffed, nothing is really lost by your calling. If something has happened to her, your input might be helpful. Please let me know what you find out, OK?

Sure, thank you for your help, I really appreciate it :)

Sure, thank you for your help, I really appreciate it :)

Always glad to help if I can. Take care.

I moved it to a thread you are active in. By the request of your partner here. I realised it suited poorly here. I hope you can keep this thread clean.

I really appreciate that, Bunnyducks. My respect level for you has risen several levels. You're OK!!

Myrth, I told you I would move this thread up periodically. :p

Ok...any help I can get on this would be much appreciated...
There's a girl (ha! wonder how many problems in this thread will start like that?). We met at uni, just over a year ago, and we are now best friends. Not just that, she's the best friend I've ever had, and I truly believe the best friend I ever will have. She's had a boyfriend for the last 3 years, and...well, their relationship is far from perfect. There have been several times in the last year that she's seriously considered breaking up with him, even though she loves him and, as far as I know, he loves her. Anyway, I have told her on more than one occasion that I love her - and I do, but until recently she never believed me. The problem is this - I won't get anywhere with her while she's with her boyfriend, and it doesn't seem likely that they will split up. But I can't get over her. It's reached the point where I don't want to find someone else in case the two of them do split up. It's doing my head in, because I think about her all the time. Do you know of any way I could help myself get over her? And suggesting that I spend less time with her isn't going to work, as I'll just be miserable if I try that.
Thanks in advance.

Ok...any help I can get on this would be much appreciated...
There's a girl (ha! wonder how many problems in this thread will start like that?). We met at uni, just over a year ago, and we are now best friends. Not just that, she's the best friend I've ever had, and I truly believe the best friend I ever will have. She's had a boyfriend for the last 3 years, and...well, their relationship is far from perfect. There have been several times in the last year that she's seriously considered breaking up with him, even though she loves him and, as far as I know, he loves her. Anyway, I have told her on more than one occasion that I love her - and I do, but until recently she never believed me. The problem is this - I won't get anywhere with her while she's with her boyfriend, and it doesn't seem likely that they will split up. But I can't get over her. It's reached the point where I don't want to find someone else in case the two of them do split up. It's doing my head in, because I think about her all the time. Do you know of any way I could help myself get over her? And suggesting that I spend less time with her isn't going to work, as I'll just be miserable if I try that.
Thanks in advance.
This isn't all that unusual, I'm sure you know. It's easy to give advice on this, but very difficult to take it.

Sometimes life isn't kind or fair. It's just the way the world is designed. When you love someone and that love isn't returned, it hurts ... a lot! As you pointed out in your post, you have essentially two options:

1. You can continue with your focus on her and have no social life other than when you're with her, and continue to feel miserable because she's going with someone else.

2. You can bite the bullet and start seeing other girls in the hope that one of them will click with you, in the meantime being miserable because you're not with her.

Either way, as you pointed out, there's a degree of misery involved. It helps a little to understand that pain, particularly emotional pain, is temporary and will fade with time.

Basically you have to decide which brand of misery you want to endure. At least with the second option, you'll be putting the time to good use and may just find someone else who appreciates you for who and what you are and who isn't hung up on the "but we're just friends" syndrome.

I know. Not very comforting, but then sound advice often isn't. Let me know what you decide and how things work out. Just keep telling yourself that this misery is only temporary, that time heals almost everything, and that there's someone out there for you who will truly appreciate you.

Eut', I dunno if you've checked already or whatever, but if you haven't, you got a telegram.



(should I feel like an attention seeker?)

Eut', I dunno if you've checked already or whatever, but if you haven't, you got a telegram.
I just sent you a TG. :)

Ok, boys and girls ...

... time ...

... for ...

... a ...

... BUMP!

Please don't give me my first warning Myrth. I take great comfort in being a goody-two-shoes.

Bump!

Oh look!! I'm not a PIMP anymore!! Thank you thank you thank you!!

What does ZX81 H4x0r0r mean? Should I be offended?

Oh look!! I'm not a PIMP anymore!! Thank you thank you thank you!!

What does ZX81 H4x0r0r mean? Should I be offended?
Means ZX81 Hacker (I think). Dates from the early days of 1337.

Means ZX81 Hacker (I think). Dates from the early days of 1337.

OK...I can deal with that a lot better than pimp. Thanks!

OK...I can deal with that a lot better than pimp. Thanks!
LOL! Well, unless I miss my guess, you would be the wrong sex to be a "pimp" anyway, yes? :D

LOL! Well, unless I miss my guess, you would be the wrong sex to be a "pimp" anyway, yes? :D


A Pimpstress.

A Pimpstress.
LOL! Well, I suppose that would be the correct term, but if you knew Zooke better, you might prefer to think of her as a retired "temptress" rather than a "pimptress!" Hehehe! [ Note to Zooke: gottcha! ] :D

LOL! Well, I suppose that would be the correct term, but if you knew Zooke better, you might prefer to think of her as a retired "temptress" rather than a "pimptress!" Hehehe! [ Note to Zooke: gottcha! ] :D

No fair!! I wasn't here to defend my reputation!! Don't believe him guys. I've always been a granny. :rolleyes:

Just wanna say.

I got in touch with her today, and she is ok, she has been hospitalised for a few days.

She is fine though, and i'm bloody happy to hear it.

Thank guys :)

No fair!! I wasn't here to defend my reputation!! Don't believe him guys. I've always been a granny. :rolleyes:
Uh huh. Right! Suuuure you have! Hehehe! :D

NOTICE TO MODS: I'm bumping this and you can't stop me! Mwahahahaha! :D

Here, I'll help you bump your thread.

Although I don't know why you believe age equals wisdom? I've seen a lot of wise 16 year olds and a lot of stupid 50 year olds. But whatever. :rolleyes:

Not quite sure why your age makes you think you have any more wisdom than any one else on the forum. Age is relative.

Here, I'll help you bump your thread.

Although I don't know why you believe age equals wisdom? I've seen a lot of wise 16 year olds and a lot of stupid 50 year olds. But whatever. :rolleyes:

Not quite sure why your age makes you think you have any more wisdom than any one else on the forum. Age is relative.
If you had read a few more of my posts you would know that I agree with you. Wisdom is no respector of age, social position, educational attainment, gender, race, religion, or virtually anything else so many people put great stock by. One of the keys to having wisdom yourself is to have sufficient humility to understand that wisdom is where you find it. :)

Well, I can't in honesty say I've seen Zooke around a huge amount, but I'm still rather new here, so I've probably just missed her =D On the other hand, what I've seen of Eutrusca has garnered a fair amount of respect for him in a short length of time.

Personally, I like to think I'm fairly wise and sensible, but then again, I'm sitting here at 3am eating candy and posting on the internet, so there's probably room for flexibility in this. Nonetheless, I do have a question that your enlightened selves might be able to advise me with.

It's about a girl. xDDD

My girl, specifically. Now, I love her very much and she's the number one thing in my life. And I fully believe her when she says that she loves me. We're both still young; I'm 19 and she's 17 and it's not that easy because of my living in England and her living in Missouri - but we get by. (Just so you know, I spend a couple of months a year over there with her, so it is long-distance rather than internet.)

The problem though, is that we sometimes have difficulty just discussing things we disagree on. I know I'm fairly forthright with my opinions, and although I try and respect her's I can understand why she would prefer to avoid such a discussion. On the other hand, if it's something she's simply disinterested it, she will change the subject, even if she knows it's something important to me. I know she's not as well-read and not as erudite as I am, but she's got this odd perception which usually lets her see things in ways I can't. Even when I disagree, it's very interesting.

So, do you think I'm intimidating her, through either force of opinion or presentation of opinion? (I usually just use whatever words and references come to mind, so sometimes it can be very technical) Do you know how I might interest her in philosophical issues? She's pretty happy just to drift along without worrying too much.

Anyways, thank you in advance. And I would like to say that it is indeed a noble thing to have adopted so many children between you! Well, even one. But still! I can't even begin to convey the gratitude and love that must be there, but I can say you are both very good people.

I have two roommates, one who totally pisses me off and the other is a really nice guy. The problem is that they are twins who have never lived apart and are attached at the hip. I think living with someone has been good for me and I'd rather not go back to living alone. Even the one that pisses me off has his good points. We're talking about getting a larger apartment (we're currently sharing a one bedroom, I sleep in the livingroom) Do you think we'll get along better at that point? I really don't want to end up in a place I can't afford by myself, but things might run more smoothly if I had a private place to retreat to. What are your thoughts?

Well, I can't in honesty say I've seen Zooke around a huge amount, but I'm still rather new here, so I've probably just missed her =D On the other hand, what I've seen of Eutrusca has garnered a fair amount of respect for him in a short length of time.

Personally, I like to think I'm fairly wise and sensible, but then again, I'm sitting here at 3am eating candy and posting on the internet, so there's probably room for flexibility in this. Nonetheless, I do have a question that your enlightened selves might be able to advise me with.

It's about a girl. xDDD

My girl, specifically. Now, I love her very much and she's the number one thing in my life. And I fully believe her when she says that she loves me. We're both still young; I'm 19 and she's 17 and it's not that easy because of my living in England and her living in Missouri - but we get by. (Just so you know, I spend a couple of months a year over there with her, so it is long-distance rather than internet.)

The problem though, is that we sometimes have difficulty just discussing things we disagree on. I know I'm fairly forthright with my opinions, and although I try and respect her's I can understand why she would prefer to avoid such a discussion. On the other hand, if it's something she's simply disinterested it, she will change the subject, even if she knows it's something important to me. I know she's not as well-read and not as erudite as I am, but she's got this odd perception which usually lets her see things in ways I can't. Even when I disagree, it's very interesting.

So, do you think I'm intimidating her, through either force of opinion or presentation of opinion? (I usually just use whatever words and references come to mind, so sometimes it can be very technical) Do you know how I might interest her in philosophical issues? She's pretty happy just to drift along without worrying too much.

Anyways, thank you in advance. And I would like to say that it is indeed a noble thing to have adopted so many children between you! Well, even one. But still! I can't even begin to convey the gratitude and love that must be there, but I can say you are both very good people.
You're both very young yet. It usually takes a considerable amount of time before most people form a "philosophical position," much longer be able to defend it. Your g/f may not even know what she believes yet. At her age, most people still have whatever "philosophy" their parents have. She might feel as though you're wrong about some things, but have no idea how to present her own position.

Another thing at work here is that many women will avoid arguing about things ( particularly what they see as "inconsequential things" ) for fear of damaging the relationship. Many men, on the other hand, will not only do their best to present their argument, but fully expect others ( including women ) to do the same, usually without a thought of the possibility of damaging the relationship.

My recommendation is that you train yourself to pause before pressing her to "open up" on the philosophical issues and think about things from her viewpoint, particularly her viewpoint on not wanting to risk damaging the relationship.

I have two roommates, one who totally pisses me off and the other is a really nice guy. The problem is that they are twins who have never lived apart and are attached at the hip. I think living with someone has been good for me and I'd rather not go back to living alone. Even the one that pisses me off has his good points. We're talking about getting a larger apartment (we're currently sharing a one bedroom, I sleep in the livingroom) Do you think we'll get along better at that point? I really don't want to end up in a place I can't afford by myself, but things might run more smoothly if I had a private place to retreat to. What are your thoughts?
I really need to know more. what about the one twin "pisses you off?" Are they men of their word? Have you broached the subject of a larger place with both of them?

I really need to know more. what about the one twin "pisses you off?" Are they men of their word? Have you broached the subject of a larger place with both of them?

The one that pisses me off is the older one. He's always dominated his brother and has some real issues taking direction from anyone. I have a very dominate personality (surprise!) and we clash a lot. Plus they are both slobs. I'm not exactly a clean freak but they think my stabdards are too high. I hate housework, but avoided doing it by making sure I rarely made any messes. They scatter crap everywhere, and the sink is always full of dishes. But at least the younger one will do something if I bug him about it. The older one gets pissed off. He has gotten physical with me once, but I think calling the cops cured that. I told him next time I'd press charges and he'd be homeless. As it was he spent the night outside freezing his ass off.

I feel bad because they lost the only family they had last year, except for an older brother who will have nothing to do with them. They've known my brothers for years, so my mother and I are the closest thing they have to family. They both suffer from severe depression, but the older one has been very uncooperative about getting help. He generally has a pissy attitude if you criticise him about anything. Basically he's a 6'5" 300 pound ten year old.

We have talked about a larger place. They both seem to think it will fix everything. They intend to be men of their words, but don't seem to manage it. Too many adult things seem to confuse them.

I have one, about a girl. If you want some background on me, and a tiny bit on her here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8432747&postcount=45) and this one(short, but pertinent to me and only me) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8432775&postcount=47)

I met her six months ago, We got along really well, but were still very closed about our lives. About two months ago, we started being more open about our lives to each other. I asked her out around that time and she said that she didn't really care about most people and she didn't want to hurt me. More recently we have been talking and she says that I have been only the person she has been open with about her life for a similar amount of time as I have. Now she acts really different around me, kind of like how someone acts around someone they really like, and she had something really big happening this weekend that I wasn't able to attend because I had already taken a weekend off of work for her Birthday the week before, and she was really dissapointed that I couldn't go. I guess I'm just really asking for any advice you, or anyone, has to my situation.

I'm in second year university, and am completely unmotivated. I'm smart, write well, can argue any position, and have never really had to work for marks except in grade 11 and 12 where I took twice the recomended course load. Unfortunately, I can't bring myself to care enough about university to actually do any work, let alone attend lectures. I've passed all my semesters so far by last minute cramming (and didn't get terrible marks either, but that will change), but I was very ill for the first week this semester and didn't attend class... and the habit stuck. At the same time, I was in my school play, was involved in improv, and was on the Model United Nations executive... these activities don't actually take that much time, and I've spent most of the semester reading... but not school related materials.

Do you have any advice to offer me other than what I have to offer myself? 'Shut up, sit down, and work!'

The one that pisses me off is the older one. He's always dominated his brother and has some real issues taking direction from anyone. I have a very dominate personality (surprise!) and we clash a lot. Plus they are both slobs. I'm not exactly a clean freak but they think my stabdards are too high. I hate housework, but avoided doing it by making sure I rarely made any messes. They scatter crap everywhere, and the sink is always full of dishes. But at least the younger one will do something if I bug him about it. The older one gets pissed off. He has gotten physical with me once, but I think calling the cops cured that. I told him next time I'd press charges and he'd be homeless. As it was he spent the night outside freezing his ass off.

I feel bad because they lost the only family they had last year, except for an older brother who will have nothing to do with them. They've known my brothers for years, so my mother and I are the closest thing they have to family. They both suffer from severe depression, but the older one has been very uncooperative about getting help. He generally has a pissy attitude if you criticise him about anything. Basically he's a 6'5" 300 pound ten year old.

We have talked about a larger place. They both seem to think it will fix everything. They intend to be men of their words, but don't seem to manage it. Too many adult things seem to confuse them.
I do not recommend that you make any plans involving these two. If what you say is accurate, they are far too immature compared to you and would leave you holding the bag.

I have one, about a girl. If you want some background on me, and a tiny bit on her here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8432747&postcount=45) and this one(short, but pertinent to me and only me) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8432775&postcount=47)

I met her six months ago, We got along really well, but were still very closed about our lives. About two months ago, we started being more open about our lives to each other. I asked her out around that time and she said that she didn't really care about most people and she didn't want to hurt me. More recently we have been talking and she says that I have been only the person she has been open with about her life for a similar amount of time as I have. Now she acts really different around me, kind of like how someone acts around someone they really like, and she had something really big happening this weekend that I wasn't able to attend because I had already taken a weekend off of work for her Birthday the week before, and she was really dissapointed that I couldn't go. I guess I'm just really asking for any advice you, or anyone, has to my situation.
That's a good description, but it leaves me unclear as to what sort of "advice" you want. Are you asking what you should do next? Are you asking if we can see a problem? Please be a bit more specific. If you're asking for an assessment, it sounds as if she's falling for you, but I'm not sure that's what you were asking.

I'm in second year university, and am completely unmotivated. I'm smart, write well, can argue any position, and have never really had to work for marks except in grade 11 and 12 where I took twice the recomended course load. Unfortunately, I can't bring myself to care enough about university to actually do any work, let alone attend lectures. I've passed all my semesters so far by last minute cramming (and didn't get terrible marks either, but that will change), but I was very ill for the first week this semester and didn't attend class... and the habit stuck. At the same time, I was in my school play, was involved in improv, and was on the Model United Nations executive... these activities don't actually take that much time, and I've spent most of the semester reading... but not school related materials.

Do you have any advice to offer me other than what I have to offer myself? 'Shut up, sit down, and work!'
If your course of instructino bores you, as appears to be the case, there are basically two options available to you:

1. Investigate other courses available to see what might interest you.

2. Take a break from university to work or travel to give yourself time to think about what it is you truly want out of life.

What you're experiencing is pretty normal. Since you have ( apparently ) very little "real world" experience against which to measure your plans and goals, there's a disconnect between what you think you might want and what you actually feel like working on. One of the options above ( or even both of them ) should give you a bit more insight into what motivates you.

I'm moving across the country this year and I wanted to know if you had any advice for making the transition easier for my 6 year old daughter? She is excited about moving, but it means new friends, new school, new everything.

I'm moving across the country this year and I wanted to know if you had any advice for making the transition easier for my 6 year old daughter? She is excited about moving, but it means new friends, new school, new everything.
This can a very difficult thing for a child. If visiting the area where you will live isn't an option, see if you can find someone who has lived there and let your child talk to them. You might also call the area's local Chamber of Commerce and have them send you brochures and information about the area, which you can share with your child.

It would help tremendously if you knew some other parents in the area. Consider contacting the PTA of the school where your child will be attending to see if they can give you a couple of names of parents whose children will be in the same grade as your daughter. Contact one or more of these parents and arrange to have your children talk and get to know one another either online or on the phone or both.

Use that active imagination of yours to see things from her perspective. Keep in mind that most children feel rather unnecessary during this sort of transition. Find ways she can be actively involved in the process. Have her sort though her own things and decide what should go and what should be donated to Goodwill. Have her select items she wants to take with her in the car. Make sure she knows that you need her help packing, especially packing the things from her room.

When you move, make sure your daughter has some personal things in the car. Until she gets integrated into her new community and school, you are going to be her lifeline even moreso than before. During moving, which can be traumatic for all involved, parents are often preoccupied with other things and not as aware of their child's moods and emotional state. Take some sticky notes, write "Remember" on them, and place them where you will be sure to see them ... car dashboard, inside of the front door of first your old house and then the new one. This will key your attention to recall you may have a rather confused and somewhat frightened little person who depends on you to explain things and comfort her. :)

There are lots and lots of other things you can do to help relieve her anxieties and apprehension, but that will get you started.

I hope this helps, hon. :)

That's a good description, but it leaves me unclear as to what sort of "advice" you want. Are you asking what you should do next? Are you asking if we can see a problem? Please be a bit more specific. If you're asking for an assessment, it sounds as if she's falling for you, but I'm not sure that's what you were asking.
I guess I'm asking what I should do next

Thank you Poppy :fluffle:

I guess I'm asking what I should do next
Concentrate on being the best "you" you can be. Find fun things the two of you can do together ( they don't have to involve lots of coin ). Be attentive to her moods and especially her need to have you just listen to her without feeling compelled to "solve" whatever problems she might discuss. Be there for her ... make yourself available to her if she wants to talk and let her know that you're going to be there for her.

Is that the sort of thing you were looking for? :)

Concentrate on being the best "you" you can be. Find fun things the two of you can do together ( they don't have to involve lots of coin ). Be attentive to her moods and especially her need to have you just listen to her without feeling compelled to "solve" whatever problems she might discuss. Be there for her ... make yourself available to her if she wants to talk and let her know that you're going to be there for her.

Is that the sort of thing you were looking for? :)
yes, thank you very much

yes, thank you very much
You're very welcome.

Something that's rather difficult for many people to understand is that the very best way to make yourself more attractive to those of the opposite sex ( or to anyone, for that matter ), is to concentrate on making yourself into the best "you" it's possible to be. This is called "playing to your strengths."

If you're good at writing, practice it often until you have your own personal style. If you have a good sense of humor, concentrate on adapting that to whomever your "audience" is at the time. Everyone has strengths. The key is discovering them and building on them until it's obvious to anyone that those are what make you "you."

Some people will protest that the person they're interested in doesn't appreciate their particular strengths. My question in response to this is, "Then why are you wasting your time trying to attract someone who can't appreciate you for who you are?" Think about this ... are you sure you really want to be in a relationship with someone who can't appreciate you???

I'm not suggesting this is the case with you in particular, it just needed saying. :)

Hey Myrth! It's baaaacck! Mwahahaha! :D

How come people want something more, even when they know they can't have it?

How come people want something more, even when they know they can't have it?
It appears that we were designed with a minimum set of needs, but no maximum limit to wants. Individuals can learn to not want, but it takes some considerable effort.

I do not recommend that you make any plans involving these two. If what you say is accurate, they are far too immature compared to you and would leave you holding the bag.

Actually I was afraid you'd say that. I guess I'm just looking for an easier way out, even though I know what I should do. Thanks.

Actually I was afraid you'd say that. I guess I'm just looking for an easier way out, even though I know what I should do. Thanks.
That's ok. Don't feel badly about taking the easy way out. We all do it from time to time. Me included. Sigh. :(

How can I get my boyfriend to want to have a baby? And how can I get him to marry me? We have lived together for two years now. Don't just say that he has to find out for himself. There must be something that can be done to influence him... cajole him... manipulate, trick or lure him... something. ;)

How can I get my boyfriend to want to have a baby? And how can I get him to marry me? We have lived together for two years now. Don't just say that he has to find out for himself. There must be something that can be done to influence him... cajole him... manipulate, trick or lure him... something. ;)

The only answer to this, whether you like it or not, is that he has to come to the realization himself. If you have a baby or otherwise try to manipulate or trick him into marriage, you are doing both of you a disservice. He wouldn't be happy in a marriage that was forced on him, and that marriage would most likely fail. By bringing a child into it, you could be damaging not just two lives, but three. Love is something to be given freely...marriage is the vow of that love and committment. To succeed it must be given willingly, freely, and openly by both parties. Children are the product of that love. To use them as a tool to influence another, is grossly unfair to them.

So, like it or not, the only logical option is to wait until the time is right for both of you. Then you can welcome a child (or children) into your family.

Aaargh... I knew you were going to say that :( ...but we already have two children, what's wrong with just one more? Just a very small one? ;)

Aaargh... I knew you were going to say that :( ...but we already have two children, what's wrong with just one more? Just a very small one? ;)

Let me ask you a question. Do you want another child for its own sake, or do you think another child will make your boyfriend more likely to marry you?

Let me ask you a question. Do you want another child for its own sake, or do you think another child will make your boyfriend more likely to marry you?
I suspect your leg is being gently tugged, Zooke. :)

I suspect your leg is being gently tugged, Zooke. :)

I know. But, what if it isn't? I want to help her see the solemnity and grace of marriage and to appreciate the gift of children. If it is just a joke.....?

I know. But, what if it isn't? I want to help her see the solemnity and grace of marriage and to appreciate the gift of children. If it is just a joke.....?

It is not a joke at all. Primarily I want both, but he doesn't want to... then that's it then, I suppose... :rolleyes: The thing is, he used to want them too, but now he seems to have some kind of midlife crisis or something. I suppose maybe you can answer this: Is there such a thing as a midlife crisis? And how long does it last? :confused:

It is not a joke at all. Primarily I want both, but he doesn't want to... then that's it then, I suppose... :rolleyes: The thing is, he used to want them too, but now he seems to have some kind of midlife crisis or something. I suppose maybe you can answer this: Is there such a thing as a midlife crisis? And how long does it last? :confused:
Many people, especially males for some reason, seem to go through periodic reasessments of their lives. Sometimes it's the loss of a job or career which prompts such re-evluations. Sometimes it's the realization that time is catching up with them and they haven't been able to do all the things they wanted to do. Sometimes it's nothing more than a generalized feeling of unease.

Some people seem to go through this sort of thing on an alarmingly regular basis. It may be genetic or it may reflect an inability to set and work toward ambitious but achievable goals. Some few are seemingly blessed with a placitidy of character that allows them to avoid any sort of life crisis, whether "mid-life" or not.

There is no set length to this sort of reasessment that I know of, but those which last longer than a few years ( two to five, generally ) are usually indicative of some deep-seated inability to adapt to life in general.

You don't say how old he is or why the two of you haven't married, so it's difficult for me to be more specific.

He seems to be going through a phase (at least I hope it's a phase :) )where he's often unsure about things... one day it's his job, another day he doesn't know which country he wants to live in! :confused: He's 41, and I'm 39, so I don't have time for this...! My daughter just had a baby, why can't I have one? ;) How late is it advisable to have a baby?

The latest that has happened without defects I believe is forty eight

You're both very young yet. It usually takes a considerable amount of time before most people form a "philosophical position," much longer be able to defend it. Your g/f may not even know what she believes yet. At her age, most people still have whatever "philosophy" their parents have. She might feel as though you're wrong about some things, but have no idea how to present her own position.

Another thing at work here is that many women will avoid arguing about things ( particularly what they see as "inconsequential things" ) for fear of damaging the relationship. Many men, on the other hand, will not only do their best to present their argument, but fully expect others ( including women ) to do the same, usually without a thought of the possibility of damaging the relationship.

My recommendation is that you train yourself to pause before pressing her to "open up" on the philosophical issues and think about things from her viewpoint, particularly her viewpoint on not wanting to risk damaging the relationship.

That... that makes so much sense it's unreal! :eek: Thank you! Because I know that if something is really important she'll stand up for her beliefs no matter what, so I couldn't figure out why she would be so reluctant to talk about other stuff. But yeah, this fits into place now... Thank you once again! :cool: :D

The latest that has happened without defects I believe is forty eight

Didn't a woman in her 60s have a normal baby in recent months? She had fertility treatments. As I understand it, there is a higher possibility of health risks for the mother and the baby when she reaches her 40s. Downs Syndrome is the first thing that comes to mind, as well as blood sugar, blood pressure, and various other problems that arise from aging.

That... that makes so much sense it's unreal! :eek: Thank you! Because I know that if something is really important she'll stand up for her beliefs no matter what, so I couldn't figure out why she would be so reluctant to talk about other stuff. But yeah, this fits into place now... Thank you once again! :cool: :D
You're very welcome. Let me know if you have further questions on this. I'll do my best to answer. :)

Didn't a woman in her 60s have a normal baby in recent months? She had fertility treatments. As I understand it, there is a higher possibility of health risks for the mother and the baby when she reaches her 40s. Downs Syndrome is the first thing that comes to mind, as well as blood sugar, blood pressure, and various other problems that arise from aging.
From both a health standpoint and from the standpoint of the parent/child relationship, I wouldn't recommend anyone to consider having children after about 36 or 37. It's certainly their choice, but it can be hard on both the child and the parent. It's especially hard on the child to watch their father or mother die before the child is mature.

My clothing takes a lot of abuse. They seem to always need washing and/or mending. Is there anything I can do to prolong the life expectancy of my clothing?
two words, duct tape.

From both a health standpoint and from the standpoint of the parent/child relationship, I wouldn't recommend anyone to consider having children after about 36 or 37. It's certainly their choice, but it can be hard on both the child and the parent. It's especially hard on the child to watch their father or mother die before the child is mature.

I can vouch for that. I was a change of life surprise baby (Mom 41, Dad 51) and both were gone by the time I was 24. They were wonderful parents, and involved in everything I did, but I'm sure it was tougher on them than it would be a younger couple.

I can vouch for that. I was a change of life surprise baby (Mom 41, Dad 51) and both were gone by the time I was 24. They were wonderful parents, and involved in everything I did, but I'm sure it was tougher on them than it would be a younger couple.
My point exactly. As I've mentioned, my grandparents raised me until I was 12. They died when I was about 15.

My father adopted a child a few years ago. Dad will be 76 by time the boy graduates high school. IMO that's just insane.

My father adopted a child a few years ago. Dad will be 76 by time the boy graduates high school. IMO that's just insane.
I would wonder whether he helped him more by adopting him, or whether he stands a good chance of hurting him more because he adopted him at such an advanced age. Perhaps the former ... at least the child would have had a few years with someone who loved him.

I would wonder whether he helped him more by adopting him, or whether he stands a good chance of hurting him more because he adopted him at such an advanced age. Perhaps the former ... at least the child would have had a few years with someone who loved him.

My folks, though older, were both physically active until they died. My Mom was a surgical nurse and my Dad was a cattle rancher. He died while working on a corn planter to get it ready for spring. Both were active supporters of all of my activities, basketball, softball, volleyball, band, choir, cheerleading, 4H, horse shows, etc. I probably ran them ragged as I was into everything. They always had time to help me whenever I needed it and took a positive role in shaping my moral character. I was encouraged and assisted in academics and music. I was reading The Wizard of Oz and knew my multiplication tables when I started school...I thought the other kids in my class were "mentally challenged". :p My Dad taught me how to ride a horse as soon as I started walking. I was a rodeo kid at 4, showing gaited horses at 7, and green breaking horses (for my college savings) at 13. Our house was where all of my friends wanted to hang out. If I could remake my parents in any way, I don't think I would change a thing. Even though I regret that they didn't get to enjoy watching their grandchildren grow, I always tried to consider what Mama and Daddy would have done while raising my kids. Nope...I was the luckiest kid in the whole world!!

My folks, though older, were both physically active until they died. My Mom was a surgical nurse and my Dad was a cattle rancher. He died while working on a corn planter to get it ready for spring. Both were active supporters of all of my activities, basketball, softball, volleyball, band, choir, cheerleading, 4H, horse shows, etc. I probably ran them ragged as I was into everything. They always had time to help me whenever I needed it and took a positive role in shaping my moral character. I was encouraged and assisted in academics and music. I was reading The Wizard of Oz and knew my multiplication tables when I started school...I thought the other kids in my class were "mentally challenged". :p My Dad taught me how to ride a horse as soon as I started walking. I was a rodeo kid at 4, showing gaited horses at 7, and green breaking horses (for my college savings) at 13. Our house was where all of my friends wanted to hang out. If I could remake my parents in any way, I don't think I would change a thing. Even though I regret that they didn't get to enjoy watching their grandchildren grow, I always tried to consider what Mama and Daddy would have done while raising my kids. Nope...I was the luckiest kid in the whole world!!
You were indeed a very fortunate child. I could say many of the same things about my grandparents, who raised me. In retrospect, they could have exercised a bit more discipline ( they raised a wild-child! Heh! ), but very little else. :p

I married my wife (shock) 7 years ago.
She thinks I need to move on. I think the main reason behind this is that she has decided that she doesn't want children, but doesn't want to stop me having them. We both agree that sometimes the other can be a pain. We both agree that we still love each other. We both work shifts and get tired so we don't visit friends as much as we want to. Plus my friends are all some distance away.
She wants more space, but I more time with her, a few hours an evening with her tired aren't quality time.
I married her because she is the one I want. Children would have been a bonus but I can live without them (I have 9 nephews and nieces).
Do you have any idea what I need to do to keep her. :(

I married my wife (shock) 7 years ago.
She thinks I need to move on. I think the main reason behind this is that she has decided that she doesn't want children, but doesn't want to stop me having them. We both agree that sometimes the other can be a pain. We both agree that we still love each other. We both work shifts and get tired so we don't visit friends as much as we want to. Plus my friends are all some distance away.
She wants more space, but I more time with her, a few hours an evening with her tired aren't quality time.
I married her because she is the one I want. Children would have been a bonus but I can live without them (I have 9 nephews and nieces).
Do you have any idea what I need to do to keep her. :(

You say that you can live without children and that your life is adequately enriched with nieces and nephews. If that is a sacrifice you are willing to make in order to have a continuing life with your wife, then you must love her a great deal. Make sure that she knows that you do love her in this way.

From what I gathered from your post, you both work long hours and your time together isn't especially special. Most of us go through the same routine of going home after work to do chores, eat a bite, shower, and try to relax a little before preparing to go to work again. Maybe she needs a little more time to herself to recuperate from all the demands and routine of her life. Could you schedule a little time for her to just "get away from it all"? Shopping with friends or a girl's night? While she is doing things off on her own, you can use the time to spend with your nieces and nephews. You can be the coolest uncle ever!!

For quality time with her, you could greet her with a nice hot perfumed bubble bath, soothing music, and a glass of wine, then shut the door and let her enjoy the time to herself. While she is soaking away you could fix dinner (or bring in carry out if you're not much of a cook), set a beautiful table with candles, music, and, you guessed it, more wine. After that, you two can probably figure out what you want to do next.

It's so easy to make our jobs and our responsibilities our chief concerns and forget what is really our priority...the people with love. Make the time to do fun things together...visiting with friends, garage sales, hiking, movies, whatever you two like to do together. If you both work at putting more fun into your time together, perhaps she won't feel the need for more space.

You say that you can live without children and that your life is adequately enriched with nieces and nephews. If that is a sacrifice you are willing to make in order to have a continuing life with your wife, then you must love her a great deal. Make sure that she knows that you do love her in this way.

From what I gathered from your post, you both work long hours and your time together isn't especially special. Most of us go through the same routine of going home after work to do chores, eat a bite, shower, and try to relax a little before preparing to go to work again. Maybe she needs a little more time to herself to recuperate from all the demands and routine of her life. Could you schedule a little time for her to just "get away from it all"? Shopping with friends or a girl's night? While she is doing things off on her own, you can use the time to spend with your nieces and nephews. You can be the coolest uncle ever!!

For quality time with her, you could greet her with a nice hot perfumed bubble bath, soothing music, and a glass of wine, then shut the door and let her enjoy the time to herself. While she is soaking away you could fix dinner (or bring in carry out if you're not much of a cook), set a beautiful table with candles, music, and, you guessed it, more wine. After that, you two can probably figure out what you want to do next.

It's so easy to make our jobs and our responsibilities our chief concerns and forget what is really our priority...the people with love. Make the time to do fun things together...visiting with friends, garage sales, hiking, movies, whatever you two like to do together. If you both work at putting more fun into your time together, perhaps she won't feel the need for more space.


Thanks, It kinda what I was thinking anyway.
The only thing that puts me off is that, if my wife comes home and she is not in the mood for whatever, she really doesn't hold back to let me know. She'll apologise later, but it does kill the drive.
But as you say I need to make the effort. It will be appreciated, even if it is later on.

Thanks again.

Thanks, It kinda what I was thinking anyway.
The only thing that puts me off is that, if my wife comes home and she is not in the mood for whatever, she really doesn't hold back to let me know. She'll apologise later, but it does kill the drive.
But as you say I need to make the effort. It will be appreciated, even if it is later on.

Thanks again.
Self-control is a good thing to have, grasshopper. :)

Thanks, It kinda what I was thinking anyway.
The only thing that puts me off is that, if my wife comes home and she is not in the mood for whatever, she really doesn't hold back to let me know. She'll apologise later, but it does kill the drive.
But as you say I need to make the effort. It will be appreciated, even if it is later on.

Thanks again.

Women are made up differently than men...a lot!! Provide her with a calm, soothing atmosphere, let her relax and get in a good mood, and she'll come up with some ideas of her own. ;) Make sure you don't push her or make her feel pressured as that's a major turn off.

Women are made up differently than men...a lot!!
Oh, Zooke! Say it isn't so! And here all these years I've been living under the delusion that women and men were alike! Oh the horror! The horror! :p

Oh, Zooke! Say it isn't so! And here all these years I've been living under the delusion that women and men were alike! Oh the horror! The horror! :p

So now we finally discover the basic source of all your problems!! You're a typical male!

Billy connoly once said something similar to the following and it couldnt be more true:-

*thick scots accent*
"women need to be loved and caressed and made a fuss of. Men just need a place"

Billy connoly once said something similar to the following and it couldnt be more true:-

*thick scots accent*
"women need to be loved and caressed and made a fuss of. Men just need a place"

Exactly!!

So now we finally discover the basic source of all your problems!! You're a typical male!
Well, hardly! Even my ex says I'm anything but "typical!" :)

FYI My wife called me yesterday and suggested we go for long weekend away together. So Good news (I hope)

I would wonder whether he helped him more by adopting him, or whether he stands a good chance of hurting him more because he adopted him at such an advanced age. Perhaps the former ... at least the child would have had a few years with someone who loved him.

My dad's 66 but pretty healthy. He breaks his own horses and coaches the pee-wee football team. He's a lot more involved in Flynn's life than he was with us older kids, but he has the advantage of being retired now. I just hope he's also mellowed some.

My dad's 66 but pretty healthy. He breaks his own horses and coaches the pee-wee football team. He's a lot more involved in Flynn's life than he was with us older kids, but he has the advantage of being retired now. I just hope he's also mellowed some.

Good for your Dad. I'm not retired yet, but I look forward to having a lot more time with my family when I do. By then I should have a crop of great grandkids, and I hope to be able to spend part of every day with them. That, and I want to be a greeter at Walmart and stick smilies on the little kids. :D Mellowing comes with age and lessening of responsibilities. Now that I don't have to see to the daily care of my family, I can relax and enjoy and appreciate them more. Juggling the responsibilities of a job, home, and family can be pretty overwhelming at times. When this happens we have the tendancy to take it our on those closest to us. Enjoy your Dad's relationship with your little brother, and get involved, too. A little guy in the house can be a breath of fresh air and awakening for everyone.

Good for your Dad. I'm not retired yet, but I look forward to having a lot more time with my family when I do. By then I should have a crop of great grandkids, and I hope to be able to spend part of every day with them. That, and I want to be a greeter at Walmart and stick smilies on the little kids. :D Mellowing comes with age and lessening of responsibilities. Now that I don't have to see to the daily care of my family, I can relax and enjoy and appreciate them more. Juggling the responsibilities of a job, home, and family can be pretty overwhelming at times. When this happens we have the tendancy to take it our on those closest to us. Enjoy your Dad's relationship with your little brother, and get involved, too. A little guy in the house can be a breath of fresh air and awakening for everyone.

We live a few hundred miles apart, so I barely know my youngest brother. He's very different from we older ones. So much quieter and shyer. I don't know if that's genetics or the different enviroment. It's freaky that I'm 32 years older than him.

FYI My wife called me yesterday and suggested we go for long weekend away together. So Good news (I hope)

;) I know you'll make it special!!

I have a large collection of small white bumps all over my penis, and also hairs appearing along way down my shaft. Its quite rough to the touch. What should i do?

I have a large collection of small white bumps all over my penis, and also hairs appearing along way down my shaft. Its quite rough to the touch. What should i do?

Quick- cut it off before it spreads! :p

We live a few hundred miles apart, so I barely know my youngest brother. He's very different from we older ones. So much quieter and shyer. I don't know if that's genetics or the different enviroment. It's freaky that I'm 32 years older than him.
LOL! I've had girlfriends who were that much younger than me! ;)

LOL! I've had girlfriends who were that much younger than me! ;)

Tsk!! You sound like my ex!!

I have a large collection of small white bumps all over my penis, and also hairs appearing along way down my shaft. Its quite rough to the touch. What should i do?
See a doctor.

bump mu ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaa :sniper:

Here's a question for whomever wants to tackle it:

How far should loyalty extend? This came up on one of the threads about the Kerri Schiavo question. If you're married to soneone, and they wind up an invalid, or have Alzheimer's, what is your responsibility? Where does it end? When does it end?

Here's a question for whomever wants to tackle it:

How far should loyalty extend? This came up on one of the threads about the Kerri Schiavo question. If you're married to soneone, and they wind up an invalid, or have Alzheimer's, what is your responsibility? Where does it end? When does it end?
It sounds more like a question of love than of loyalty, in which case you have to ask what choice best shows how much you love a person. Love knows no fences, and it knows no seasons - it haunts the soul eternally.

It sounds more like a question of love than of loyalty, in which case you have to ask what choice best shows how much you love a person. Love knows no fences, and it knows no seasons - it haunts the soul eternally.
So if I love someone, particularly if I'm married to them, and they develop say, Alzheimer's, how long should I stay with them?

So if I love someone, particularly if I'm married to them, and they develop say, Alzheimer's, how long should I stay with them?
Well, the point Eutrusca, is that if you love someone - this is not a question you should be asking me, its a question you need to ask yourself. There are a slew of complicated variables which need to be adressed... but ultimately, the only 'responsibility' you carry, is to your love of this person. Its a situation where you have to ask yourself, 'if I love this person, what I do should be for them, and not for me shouldnt it?' Isnt that true love Eutrusca? Sacrificing everything? I can only hope one day to find something that pure... life is short, and made all the shorter for not have found in someone the ability to proclaim three simple words. ;)

Well, the point Eutrusca, is that if you love someone - this is not a question you should be asking me, its a question you need to ask yourself. There are a slew of complicated variables which need to be adressed... but ultimately, the only 'responsibility' you carry, is to your love of this person. Its a situation where you have to ask yourself, 'if I love this person, what I do should be for them, and not for me shouldnt it?' Isnt that true love Eutrusca? Sacrificing everything? I can only hope one day to find something that pure... life is short, and made all the shorter for not have found in someone the ability to proclaim three simple words. ;)
Well, I agree in part. At a personal level, even though my wife and I have been separated for over five years now, if God forbid, she wound up with Alzheimer's for example, I would take care of her for as long as I was able. I married her, I still love her, and I see it as my personal responsibility to care for her in any way I can.

Well, I agree in part. At a personal level, even though my wife and I have been separated for over five years now, if God forbid, she wound up with Alzheimer's for example, I would take care of her for as long as I was able. I married her, I still love her, and I see it as my personal responsibility to care for her in any way I can.

After reading your exchanges, I am truly humbled and hopeful that such people are still around. I've seen egotistical individuals putting their needs and wants above their partner and... well, thank you both.

After reading your exchanges, I am truly humbled and hopeful that such people are still around. I've seen egotistical individuals putting their needs and wants above their partner and... well, thank you both.
Contrary to popular belief, honor is not an outmoded virtue.

So if I love someone, particularly if I'm married to them, and they develop say, Alzheimer's, how long should I stay with them?
Continue to stay in an exclusive relationship with them, maybe not. If they don't even know who I am, not much use for either of us. Continue to take care of them, yes. The love is still there, even if in a different form.

This is such a complicated and undeniably subjective issue though. I would like to think that if I loved a person to that extent - that I couldn't leave them. It should not be a question of situation, rather I think it should be a question of the duration of sentiments. I am not the type of person who beleives that if you love someone that you cannot fall out of love - but in a situation as given here... there is no proven way of knowing that the other party does not still have the capacity for love. I would like to think that an ailment such as this is not stronger than the ultimate human emotion. It takes a lot to break the bond of love - a lot more than this.

My great grandmother Hope Delano, was married to a man named John. I got to know her in my youth, and all I can ever recall is of her talking about her husband as if he had only died the day before we came to call. Her husband, in actual fact, died of liver complications pushing cattle across the Montana plains - and died when he was only (to the best of my knowledge) thirty-two years of age. She always said he was the kindest man she had ever met.

Of slight stature, he stood much shorter than the average man - but to her he was ten feet tall. She always said no one could fill his shoes - and he had little feet. To find a love like that - so strong that it could keep her comforted through the lonely nights, raising children alone in a cold hard world... thats the duration of true sentiment... that, is love. My great grandmother died a few years ago, and had spent many years without her husband, in actual fact, far more than she had spent with him. I would like to think, that in spite of all that - she was never apart from him even for a moments notice. I said it before and Ill say it again; love knows no fences, it knows no seasons - it haunts the soul eternally.

Continue to stay in an exclusive relationship with them, maybe not. If they don't even know who I am, not much use for either of us. Continue to take care of them, yes. The love is still there, even if in a different form.
I tend to agree with you, although taking care of someone with advanced Alzheimer's ( to continue the example ) is a fulltime job. But this person is the mother of my five children, is helping raise our grandchildren, worked full time, washed my dirty laundry, cooked for me, helped me when I was sick and injured. I cannot and will not turn my back when and if she needs me. Call me a dinosaur, but I couldn't live with myself if I did less than everything I could if she needed me.

This is such a complicated and undeniably subjective issue though. I would like to think that if I loved a person to that extent - that I couldn't leave them. It should not be a question of situation, rather I think it should be a question of the duration of sentiments. I am not the type of person who beleives that if you love someone that you cannot fall out of love - but in a situation as given here... there is no proven way of knowing that the other party does not still have the capacity for love. I would like to think that an ailment such as this is not stronger than the ultimate human emotion. It takes a lot to break the bond of love - a lot more than this.

My great grandmother Hope Delano, was married to a man named John. I got to know her in my youth, and all I can ever recall is of her talking about her husband as if he had only died the day before we came to call. Her husband, in actual fact, died of liver complications pushing cattle across the Montana plains - and died when he was only (to the best of my knowledge) thirty-two years of age. She always said he was the kindest man she had ever met.

Of slight stature, he stood much shorter than the average man - but to her he was ten feet tall. She always said no one could fill his shoes - and he had little feet. To find a love like that - so strong that it could keep her comforted through the lonely nights, raising children alone in a cold hard world... thats the duration of true sentiment... that, is love. My great grandmother died a few years ago, and had spent many years without her husband, in actual fact, far more than she had spent with him. I would like to think, that in spite of all that - she was never apart from him even for a moments notice. I said it before and Ill say it again; love knows no fences, it knows no seasons - it haunts the soul eternally.

You are blessed to have seen that kind of love, and experienced it at a certain level. As am I. But looking around, I am saddened to see that most people I know have a very different definition for love. Then again, maybe I just need to change circles.

To answer Eutrusca's initial question, I've learnt that once I truly commit to loving an individual, whether familiy, friend or partner, I am in it for the long haul. I was in that kind of relationship and would have stayed, were it not for my spouse. He decided I was paying a price that was too high and left. Years have passed, our love is now platonic, but I would still be there in a heartbeat for him.

More importantly I want to do that again.

I saw that kind of love between my Mom and Dad. My Dad died suddenly right after their 45th wedding anniversary. Mom said that she wanted to see me married and happy then she would go to be with Daddy. 2 years later I married my first husband and within six months Mom died. Minutes before she passed she told my husband "Take care of our girl. I'm going to Glenn now." She closed her eyes...and she was gone.

My first husband, and I were married for 25 years. In my heart, I knew I had that same kind of love for him. As it turned out, he didn't have the same depth of feelings for me. He surprised me with a divorce so that he could marry a woman 26 years his junior. Their marriage lasted less than a year and now he is alone.

His health has been failing the last few years and he has had a couple of close calls. I worry about him, and keep in constant contact. The last time he fell ill he was in a coma for a month. I spent the month at his bedside. I still love him, that hasn't changed and it never will. If and when he needs care, I'll be there to help him.

My current husband is one of the kindest, gentles, most caring people I have ever met. He was there as a friend and helped me deal with my first husband's betrayal. He was and is my best friend. We seem to think with one mind on most everything. I love him in a different way, but just as much as my first husband. Just as he has always been there in my times of need, I will always be there for him.

So, I guess I have been doubly blessed to have loved two men in my life more than I love myself.

I saw that kind of love between my Mom and Dad. My Dad died suddenly right after their 45th wedding anniversary. Mom said that she wanted to see me married and happy then she would go to be with Daddy. 2 years later I married my first husband and within six months Mom died. Minutes before she passed she told my husband "Take care of our girl. I'm going to Glenn now." She closed her eyes...and she was gone.

My first husband, and I were married for 25 years. In my heart, I knew I had that same kind of love for him. As it turned out, he didn't have the same depth of feelings for me. He surprised me with a divorce so that he could marry a woman 26 years his junior. Their marriage lasted less than a year and now he is alone.

His health has been failing the last few years and he has had a couple of close calls. I worry about him, and keep in constant contact. The last time he fell ill he was in a coma for a month. I spent the month at his bedside. I still love him, that hasn't changed and it never will. If and when he needs care, I'll be there to help him.

My current husband is one of the kindest, gentles, most caring people I have ever met. He was there as a friend and helped me deal with my first husband's betrayal. He was and is my best friend. We seem to think with one mind on most everything. I love him in a different way, but just as much as my first husband. Just as he has always been there in my times of need, I will always be there for him.

So, I guess I have been doubly blessed to have loved to men in my life more than I love myself.

Thank you for sharing your story, Zooke. I've said it before on this thread, and I'll say it again, I am hopeful, humbled and honored to have shared in the stories.

Thank you for sharing your story, Zooke. I've said it before on this thread, and I'll say it again, I am hopeful, humbled and honored to have shared in the stories.
Don't "settle." Too many people "settle" for less than what they would really like in a significant other. No, I don't mean what you want physicially. Find someone who matches your other criteria for personality, kindness, compassion, sense of humor, general outlook on life, etc ... then look for looks. Try it. You'll be glad you did. :)

Don't "settle." Too many people "settle" for less than what they would really like in a significant other. No, I don't mean what you want physicially. Find someone who matches your other criteria for personality, kindness, compassion, sense of humor, general outlook on life, etc ... then look for looks. Try it. You'll be glad you did. :)

:) After reading my posts, I guess I get off sounding hopeless. I am not. That's why I'm single now, because I know my worth, want I want and I won't settle for anything less. I just wish he'd get here already :)

But that is the impatience of... me (was going to say youth, but that may not apply *grins)

:) After reading my posts, I guess I get off sounding hopeless. I am not. That's why I'm single now, because I know my worth, want I want and I won't settle for anything less. I just wish he'd get here already :)

But that is the impatience of... me (was going to say youth, but that may not apply *grins)
Go ahead and use it ... you're obviously younger than me. :D

Sounds like you know who you are and what you want. That puts you miles ahead of most others your age ( whatever that age may be! ). :)

Hello Eutrusca. And you too Zooke. I thought I'd say good morning to some of my favorite people before I go to bed. :)

Hello Eutrusca. And you too Zooke. I thought I'd say good morning to some of my favorite people before I go to bed. :)
Good morning to you too, nice lady! I hope you sleep soundly, dream well, and wake refreshed! :)

Hello Eutrusca. And you too Zooke. I thought I'd say good morning to some of my favorite people before I go to bed. :)

Thank you. You are one of the nicest people I've met here on NS, and it was a pleasure to read your message. Maybe I'll see you on here when you wake up.

Thank you. You are one of the nicest people I've met here on NS, and it was a pleasure to read your message. Maybe I'll see you on here when you wake up.
Yo ... Zooke! Where are you???

Should I buy a dress shirt with a button-down collar, or without it?
What about one with an embroidered crest on the breast pocket?

Should I buy a dress shirt with a button-down collar, or without it?
What about one with an embroidered crest on the breast pocket?
Hmmm. Button-downs are easier to manage, but not very stylish. I suggest you wear whatever makes you feel confident and happy and to hell with everything else. :)

What??? No one needs any advice? Or maybe you don't like the advice we give? Or maybe, just maybe, you don't like the advisors! :eek:

I'd like some advise, but I'm unsure what I should ask advice about ... could you advise me a topic?

I'd like some advise, but I'm unsure what I should ask advice about ... could you advise me a topic?
Ummm ....

Hi, long time reader, first time poster on this thread. I need some advice. I am socially inept. When I meet someone we greet each other, then I tend to say 'sooo' thinking while these sounds are emitting from my mouth I will have time to think of something to add on after 'so,' however when that syllable is over I often find my mind blank. A long pause usually follows, then if I am lucky they will ask a question, such as 'how are you?' I will answer with, 'fine, you?'

Basically I give a larconic answer and then repeat the question to them, never actually adding anything of value to the conversation. I have had conversations with people for an hour and by the end of it they know nothing about me of any substance.

Alternativly, when I am talkative I tend to dribble on about either the most mundane rubbish or something totally socially inappropiate.

I am unable to understand the most basic implication unless it is directly explained, I totally cannot read people's body language, facial expression or emotions. I probably have a low E.Q. too.

My partner has just been promoted to supervisor at a new site and we have been invited to a social function next week where we will meet all the new staff. Please tell me how not to make a total arse of myself as I normally do! Please also include some suggestions on things to say, topics that would be appropiate and any other advice you can give.

Thankyou!:)

From both a health standpoint and from the standpoint of the parent/child relationship, I wouldn't recommend anyone to consider having children after about 36 or 37. It's certainly their choice, but it can be hard on both the child and the parent. It's especially hard on the child to watch their father or mother die before the child is mature.

My grandmother had all her children after 37... the youngest, my uncle, when she was 43. People in my family tend to live into their 90's if allowed to die natural deaths. But thank you for your advice anyway. :) I would like some more, please, if you don't mind - I need lots, and I'm going to ask you two about all my problems from now on, since you're so kind as to offer advice. ;)

So, here's the next on the list, an urgent problem: Things beings as they are, we need a contraceptive. I've recently had to have my coil removed because of extensive pain and bleeding, and I don't ever want to have one again. At the moment we are using condoms, since my boyfriend, as you know, doesn't want babies, and he suspects I wouldn't have an abortion if I got pregnant now (he is right about that ;) ). But we don't really like the condoms. I tried using the pill many years ago, but they took my sex drive away, which of course makes them rather effective, but ruins the fun somewhat. So what can we do? Is there something he can use, some pill or injection or something? I'm a bit sick of having to be the one to mess with my body all the time, with bleeding and hormone changes and so on. What do you recommend?

What??? No one needs any advice? Or maybe you don't like the advice we give? Or maybe, just maybe, you don't like the advisors! :eek:

As I said, I need lots! I have all sorts of problems. So hurry up and answer my last question! :) The last time I looked, I couldn't find the thread, though. Maybe somebody can make it a sticky?

Hi, long time reader, first time poster on this thread. I need some advice. I am socially inept. When I meet someone we greet each other, then I tend to say 'sooo' thinking while these sounds are emitting from my mouth I will have time to think of something to add on after 'so,' however when that syllable is over I often find my mind blank. A long pause usually follows, then if I am lucky they will ask a question, such as 'how are you?' I will answer with, 'fine, you?'

Basically I give a larconic answer and then repeat the question to them, never actually adding anything of value to the conversation. I have had conversations with people for an hour and by the end of it they know nothing about me of any substance.

Alternativly, when I am talkative I tend to dribble on about either the most mundane rubbish or something totally socially inappropiate.

I am unable to understand the most basic implication unless it is directly explained, I totally cannot read people's body language, facial expression or emotions. I probably have a low E.Q. too.

My partner has just been promoted to supervisor at a new site and we have been invited to a social function next week where we will meet all the new staff. Please tell me how not to make a total arse of myself as I normally do! Please also include some suggestions on things to say, topics that would be appropiate and any other advice you can give.

Thankyou!:)
I was much the same as you when I was in HS and college. I had to discover the hard way that it's best to learn by doing. Screw up your courage and immerse yourself in every social situation you can. Watch others and try to imitate those to whom people seem to respond well. Read the newspapers and watch news programs to discover topics which seem to be of general interest, then expriment with bringing some of the more interesting ones up in conversation.

One of the things which happens to us when we repeatedly seem to "fail" at doing a particular thing is that we tend to avoid the circumstances which require us to do that particular thing. This is exactly the wrong approach. One of the primary reasons I volunteered for airborne training in the military is that I had always been afraid of heights. I realized that, although I might still be afraid of heights, I could overcome that fear. That's a very valuable lesson.

The old adage about "practice makes perfect" definitely applies in social situations. Learn by doing ... repeatedly! Courage, my friend. :)

My grandmother had all her children after 37... the youngest, my uncle, when she was 43. People in my family tend to live into their 90's if allowed to die natural deaths. But thank you for your advice anyway. :) I would like some more, please, if you don't mind - I need lots, and I'm going to ask you two about all my problems from now on, since you're so kind as to offer advice. ;)

So, here's the next on the list, an urgent problem: Things beings as they are, we need a contraceptive. I've recently had to have my coil removed because of extensive pain and bleeding, and I don't ever want to have one again. At the moment we are using condoms, since my boyfriend, as you know, doesn't want babies, and he suspects I wouldn't have an abortion if I got pregnant now (he is right about that ;) ). But we don't really like the condoms. I tried using the pill many years ago, but they took my sex drive away, which of course makes them rather effective, but ruins the fun somewhat. So what can we do? Is there something he can use, some pill or injection or something? I'm a bit sick of having to be the one to mess with my body all the time, with bleeding and hormone changes and so on. What do you recommend?
My personal recommendation would be to pay a visit to your local OB/GYN practitioner, specifically a female one.

I would prefer that Zooke jump in here with her ideas on this, since I'm not very well qualified in this area. My younger son was concieved in spite of an IUD, so my "advice" here may not be the best! :)

As I said, I need lots! I have all sorts of problems. So hurry up and answer my last question! :) The last time I looked, I couldn't find the thread, though. Maybe somebody can make it a sticky?
I wish we could make this thread a sticky, but the Mod-powers have decreed "No more stickies!" Sigh.

See my response to your last, specific question above. :)

What's the best way to suppress your sex drive? :D

What's the best way to suppress your sex drive? :D
Damned if I know! Radical castration? Excessive cigarette smoking?

Damned if I know! Radical castration? Excessive cigarette smoking?
:eek: Sorry I asked.

I would prefer that Zooke jump in here with her ideas on this, since I'm not very well qualified in this area. My younger son was concieved in spite of an IUD, so my "advice" here may not be the best! :)
Yes, Zooke! Go ahead and jump in, please!

Nothing is 100 %, is it... My granddaughter and one of my nieces were both conceived despite the pill. :) What about "safe periods"? How safe are they? I think I remember reading somewhere that you can get some little paper strips that you can pee on to see if you can get pregnant or not, but I think they are usually used by people who want to get pregnant?

Yes, Zooke! Go ahead and jump in, please!

Nothing is 100 %, is it... My granddaughter and one of my nieces were both conceived despite the pill. :) What about "safe periods"? How safe are they? I think I remember reading somewhere that you can get some little paper strips that you can pee on to see if you can get pregnant or not, but I think they are usually used by people who want to get pregnant?
Trying different things to prevent pregnancy is like trying different weapons to kill someone ... the consequences of experimenting to find what works can be quite dire! :)

Zooke is washing windows right now, but she'll probably check in here later.

Yes, Zooke! Go ahead and jump in, please!

Nothing is 100 %, is it... My granddaughter and one of my nieces were both conceived despite the pill. :) What about "safe periods"? How safe are they? I think I remember reading somewhere that you can get some little paper strips that you can pee on to see if you can get pregnant or not, but I think they are usually used by people who want to get pregnant?

That's odd. If using the pill correctly it should be 100%. The companies say 99% because if something somehow did happen, they wouldn't get sued. Being on it regularly for 3 months before any activity is a must and not skipping any days is a must.

:eek: Sorry I asked.
LOL! Well, you have to keep in mind that the human body's natural propensity toward sex is hardwired into every aspect of our makeup. Preventing this can be problematic for your health. :)

LOL! Well, you have to keep in mind that the human body's natural propensity toward sex is hardwired into every aspect of our makeup. Preventing this can be problematic for your health. :)
It can get unbearable. No masturbation and no sex so sex drive is nuts.

It can get unbearable. No masturbation and no sex so sex drive is nuts.
That's a matter of your choice, is it not?

Zooke's windows must be impeccably clean by now! :) Or they must have been really dirty before... Or... oh no! Hope she hasn't fallen out through one of them! :eek:

That's a matter of your choice, is it not?
Religion. Besides, I find masturbation to be icky and not ready for sex anyway.

Zooke's windows must be impeccably clean by now! :) Or they must have been really dirty before... Or... oh no! Hope she hasn't fallen out through one of them! :eek:

Yes, dearheart, my windows are clean now...on the inside at least. We have a lot of floor to ceiling windows and all 3 of our exterior doors are sliding glass doors, so window cleaning around here is a major job. We live in a heavily wooded area so our house has a lot of glass to maximize light. Phew!!

On your question on contraceptives, the pill is NOT 100% fool proof. I have a set of twin granddaughters that are proof of that. They were born 14 1/2 months after their big brother. I tell my son that it was God's way of getting even with him for being such a little turd when he was small. :p

Another means of contraceptive that seems to be effective, but has some nasty side effects in some people, are the rods, or Norplants. One of my daughter-in-laws tried these and went through 5 years of terrible cramps and heavy periods. I understand that there is testing being done on a rod implant for men. I haven't heard recently how it is coming along, and if it is close to being marketed.

If the two of you don't want any more children in the future, your partner may consider a vasectomy. It is an outpatient procedure, sometimes done in the urologist's office, causes minimal discomfort for just a few days, and is almost 100% effective. Though it can be reversed in some, it should be viewed as permanent.

As for the muss and fuss of women's cycles, I can relate to that!! Those periods were a misery that I was only too glad to be rid of when I had a hysterectomy. In my view, a hysterectomy should be elective surgery. I can't stress enough, however, the importance of a gynecological exam as recommended by your family doctor or your OB/GYN. They can spot potential problems before you have a clue anything is wrong. DO IT!! Then go out with the girls and have a wine (whine) party.

Following is a link to a site that can give you some very good advice on birth control and good health for women.

http://www.4woman.gov/faq/birthcont.htm

I noticed that you mentioned a grandchild. For myself, as much as I love my kids, my grandchildren are the best invention since chocolate. You can have all the fun with little of the responsibility. Maybe, instead of having another baby, you can focus all those maternal instincts on a grandbaby.

Feel free to ask anything you like. We'll help when we can and refer you to a better source when we can't. :D

Religion. Besides, I find masturbation to be icky and not ready for sex anyway.

My religion forbids it, too. I admire you for holding to your faith. As for the sex drive... Most of your sex drive originates in your brain. The best thing for this is to stay busy. Focus on work, education, hobbies, special interests. Strenuous physical activity also helps. A tired body is better able to relax and the extra oxygen to your brain reduces stress. Not to mention the positive effect that exercise has on your overall physical fitness.

I don't know how old you are, but if you are in your late teens or early twenties, you're hormone level is at its lifetime peak. Take heart that it will get better. Until then or until you find that special person, stay busy and active, pursue interests, and exercise your brain. If all of that doesn't help...cold showers!! ;)

Another means of contraceptive that seems to be effective, but has some nasty side effects in some people, are the rods, or Norplants. One of my daughter-in-laws tried these and went through 5 years of terrible cramps and heavy periods. I understand that there is testing being done on a rod implant for men. I haven't heard recently how it is coming along, and if it is close to being marketed.

If the two of you don't want any more children in the future, your partner may consider a vasectomy. It is an outpatient procedure, sometimes done in the urologist's office, causes minimal discomfort for just a few days, and is almost 100% effective. Though it can be reversed in some, it should be viewed as permanent.

As for the muss and fuss of women's cycles, I can relate to that!! Those periods were a misery that I was only too glad to be rid of when I had a hysterectomy. In my view, a hysterectomy should be elective surgery.


A vasectomy or hysterectomy sounds a little drastic... especially since I wouldn't mind having another baby at all! ;) It's my boyfriend who doesn't want one. My "women's cycles" don't really bother me at all after I got rid of the coil. Somebody should invent some effective contraception that men can use. Everything I can use just seems to have so many sideeffects! What do people do, really...? :confused:
And, yes, my granddaughter is much better than chocolate (which I don't really like). :) Maybe you can answer this question: Is it more socially acceptable to brag about your grandchild than to brag about your child? I think it probably is. At least I do it a lot.

A vasectomy or hysterectomy sounds a little drastic... especially since I wouldn't mind having another baby at all! ;) It's my boyfriend who doesn't want one. My "women's cycles" don't really bother me at all after I got rid of the coil. Somebody should invent some effective contraception that men can use. Everything I can use just seems to have so many sideeffects! What do people do, really...? :confused:
And, yes, my granddaughter is much better than chocolate (which I don't really like). :) Maybe you can answer this question: Is it more socially acceptable to brag about your grandchild than to brag about your child? I think it probably is. At least I do it a lot.

In my opinion, who gives a rip? My kids and my grandkids are the greatest human beings to ever walk this earth. No brag...just fact. If someone gets tired of my babbling about them they are free to leave. :p I probably brag about my grandkids more because they are still children and do more interesting and funny things. My kids are all grown up, they work, they raise their families...they're boring like me.

As for a contraceptive...what is best for you has to be determined by you, your boyfriend, and your doctor. No one method is effective for everyone. Discuss other methods, probability of more children, sensibility of having more children, and compare life priorities.

You know, I didn't know that doctors still inserted IUDs. There were quite a few cases of babies being born with maiming injuries from IUDs. Huh...

And, yes, my granddaughter is much better than chocolate (which I don't really like). :)

You don't like chocolate?? :eek: You definitely need to see a doctor!! :D

You don't like chocolate?? :eek: You definitely need to see a doctor!! :D
neither do I

HB...been doing a little research and look at what I found. This sounds interesting. Have you heard of it?

http://www.mirena-us.com/howmirenaworks.html

Bump
I thought I'd make it easy to find since you'll both be up soon. :D

Bump
I thought I'd make it easy to find since you'll both be up soon. :D

Thank you! I've been up for a couple of hours. No one needs me though. :(

But we do need you, both of you...

I just don't have anything to ask at the moment...

But we do need you, both of you...

I just don't have anything to ask at the moment...

*big hug* :fluffle:

And I hope you never have a problem you can't solve on your own. In the meantime, I'm off to Mass. Maybe Eutrusca will drag his old butt out of bed soon. :p

I don't know how old you are, but if you are in your late teens or early twenties, you're hormone level is at its lifetime peak. Take heart that it will get better. Until then or until you find that special person, stay busy and active, pursue interests, and exercise your brain. If all of that doesn't help...cold showers!! ;)

17. I guess that counts as almost late teens so yeah, hormone levels are sky rocketing and it's difficult to control but I'll try to keep myself busy. Thankies.

As for the chocolate dislikers (notice how I didn't use the word HATE) - What the hell is wrong with you people? This issue now supercedes anything that has been previously discussed on this forum. Unless you're lactose intolerant, then I understand.

*big hug* :fluffle:

And I hope you never have a problem you can't solve on your own. In the meantime, I'm off to Mass. Maybe Eutrusca will drag his old butt out of bed soon. :p
Excuse me?? I'll have you know I've been up since before 9 AM! :p

Excuse me?? I'll have you know I've been up since before 9 AM! :p

That's unnatural... I got up at 5pm.... But then I'm trying to get whatever sleep I can at the moment. I'm not meant to survive on 2 hours a night... It's driving me nuts!

That's unnatural... I got up at 5pm.... But then I'm trying to get whatever sleep I can at the moment. I'm not meant to survive on 2 hours a night... It's driving me nuts!
Um ... so may I ask why you're trying to survive on two hours' worth of sleep per night???

Not trying to, being forced to. Part viscious cycle, part frustration, part complete insomnia.

Basically, since I'm taking medication that keeps you awake at the moment, I have to take it early in the morning to avoid it trying to keep me awake at night. Since I regularly get up at 4-5pm, that works against me straight away. Secondly, my mind is absolutely full at the moment, to breaking. I'm frustrated out of my mind at nothing happening and everything seeming just so damned stagnant, but yet there's little I can do about it at the moment. So I spend hours and hours and hours thinking about it at night, and since I STILL have to share a room with my little brother, by the time I manage to get to sleep (5am) he's getting ready to be loud and very active at 7am. Two hours sleep. Generally, after that, I spend til about 5pm trying to up that to something more like 4-6 hours sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Today is a day that it hasn't worked. But aside from that, I just can't sleep at the moment also. It's all working against me.

Not trying to, being forced to. Part viscious cycle, part frustration, part complete insomnia.

Basically, since I'm taking medication that keeps you awake at the moment, I have to take it early in the morning to avoid it trying to keep me awake at night. Since I regularly get up at 4-5pm, that works against me straight away. Secondly, my mind is absolutely full at the moment, to breaking. I'm frustrated out of my mind at nothing happening and everything seeming just so damned stagnant, but yet there's little I can do about it at the moment. So I spend hours and hours and hours thinking about it at night, and since I STILL have to share a room with my little brother, by the time I manage to get to sleep (5am) he's getting ready to be loud and very active at 7am. Two hours sleep. Generally, after that, I spend til about 5pm trying to up that to something more like 4-6 hours sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Today is a day that it hasn't worked. But aside from that, I just can't sleep at the moment also. It's all working against me.
Sounds to me as if you need to cultivate your attitude of "I don't give a shit!" :)

I use to worry about things too, even when i couldn't do anything about them. Finally, I decided that I would think things through to the point where it became obvious that there was nothing I could do at the moment to change them, then say ( in effect ) "To hell with worring about this! There's nothing I can do about it right now. What are they going to do, repossess my children?" It's always worked for me. :)

How do I let my wife know how much everyone including me loves her and needs her? She's feeling pretty useless right now and she needs perking up. Maybe a big hug and kiss from Ricky, Joe, Joey, Haley, Harley, Jess, John, Gloria, Mandy, Kassie, Morgan, Sean, Jim, Haley II, and josh?

:fluffle:

How do I let my wife know how much everyone including me loves her and needs her? She's feeling pretty useless right now and she needs perking up. Maybe a big hug and kiss from Ricky, Joe, Joey, Haley, Harley, Jess, John, Gloria, Mandy, Kassie, Morgan, Sean, Jim, Haley II, and josh?

:fluffle:
Where is she right now? Tell her she best not make me come over there! ;)

Where is she right now? Tell her she best not make me come over there! ;)

She's due back from church any time now. Bunch of her family are here waiting for her and the rest are sitting by their phones waiting to talk to her. Her 1st husband just got here and the whole family is going to turn this into a day of celebration for the two of them. Come on over and join the gang. Lot of food cooking aorund here.

She's due back from church any time now. Bunch of her family are here waiting for her and the rest are sitting by their phones waiting to talk to her. Her 1st husband just got here and the whole family is going to turn this into a day of celebration for the two of them. Come on over and join the gang. Lot of food cooking aorund here.
Good! I would love to see her spirits rise. I surely do wish I could come over! I'll probably sepnd all day here by myself, since my children generally gather at my ex's place on Sunday since it's close to the church where most of them go.

I definitely need to work on that. I just need something to occupy me really, and I'll be fine during the day at least. I think it's just because absolutely nothing has changed since last time (I telegrammed you) and I'm just getting impatient for it. Afterall, I've recently been able to get something off my chest (perhaps not quite the most apt phrase in the world) that's been bothering me for 6 years, and I really need something to occupy the spare braintime. Gah.... I'll have to find a hobby now. what's the world coming to.

Good! I would love to see her spirits rise. I surely do wish I could come over! I'll probably sepnd all day here by myself, since my children generally gather at my ex's place on Sunday since it's close to the church where most of them go.

She'll love this. Let her smooch on some grandbabies and feed everyone til their about to barf, and she just glows. The queen just pulled up into the drive. Happy Easter to all from Zooke and Iwannabeacowboy (alias Pedie)

I definitely need to work on that. I just need something to occupy me really, and I'll be fine during the day at least. I think it's just because absolutely nothing has changed since last time (I telegrammed you) and I'm just getting impatient for it. Afterall, I've recently been able to get something off my chest (perhaps not quite the most apt phrase in the world) that's been bothering me for 6 years, and I really need something to occupy the spare braintime. Gah.... I'll have to find a hobby now. what's the world coming to.
Good exercise for your patience. :)

HB...been doing a little research and look at what I found. This sounds interesting. Have you heard of it?

http://www.mirena-us.com/howmirenaworks.html

Yes, I have heard of it... I don't really want anything messing with my hormones, though. They don't recommend women over 35 using the pill, I wonder if this would come in the same category since it contains the same hormone?


As for the chocolate dislikers (notice how I didn't use the word HATE) - What the hell is wrong with you people? This issue now supercedes anything that has been previously discussed on this forum. Unless you're lactose intolerant, then I understand.

I'm not lactose intolerant, I just don't think chocolate is very nice. I never understood this thing with girls and chocolate... I feel a bit left out, seeing as it is something all ather women talk about all the time. I guess I'm just weird. I don't like cakes, either, and not ice cream - I had a dream once where icecream tasted horrible , and now I think icecream smells exactly like it did in that dream. I don't like wine, either. Except for that I'm more or less OK. :)

Yes, I have heard of it... I don't really want anything messing with my hormones, though. They don't recommend women over 35 using the pill, I wonder if this would come in the same category since it contains the same hormone?



I'm not lactose intolerant, I just don't think chocolate is very nice. I never understood this thing with girls and chocolate... I feel a bit left out, seeing as it is something all ather women talk about all the time. I guess I'm just weird. I don't like cakes, either, and not ice cream - I had a dream once where icecream tasted horrible , and now I think icecream smells exactly like it did in that dream. I don't like wine, either. Except for that I'm more or less OK. :)

I don't know if Mirena carries the same health risks that conventional birth control pills do. Again, this is info your doctor can give you. The best course for any woman is to discuss the pros and cons of serveral methods with the doctor that knows you and your physiology.

I have read that chocolate stimulates the production of seretonin, a "feel good" chemical produced in the brain. They think it might have something to do with hormonal mood swings. I'm with you on the ice cream thing. I don't care for it because it's mushy. Wine is OK, but I would prefer a Diet Coke or a big glass of iced tea. :D

Why don't guys ever notice the little things (new hairstyle, new perfume, maybe even a change in personality)?

I noticed screwed up people aren't exactly rare on here, but I feel like I've got most of them beat by a mile. I've come to terms with being gay, though I'm still not perfectly comfortable about it. But the things that turn me on sexually are things I'd never do. How can you control the things you fantasize about? I know I'm a little conservative by the gay communities standards, but I'm really disturbed by my own fantasies. I'm afraid people will think I'm really warped. Does anyone else feel weirded out by their own desires? If they creep me out, what would someone else think? The idea of bringing this up to a shrink has occurred to me, but I'm not sure I could talk about it face to face with someone. Especially not if they expected me to give any details.

I noticed screwed up people aren't exactly rare on here, but I feel like I've got most of them beat by a mile. I've come to terms with being gay, though I'm still not perfectly comfortable about it. But the things that turn me on sexually are things I'd never do. How can you control the things you fantasize about? I know I'm a little conservative by the gay communities standards, but I'm really disturbed by my own fantasies. I'm afraid people will think I'm really warped. Does anyone else feel weirded out by their own desires? If they creep me out, what would someone else think? The idea of bringing this up to a shrink has occurred to me, but I'm not sure I could talk about it face to face with someone. Especially not if they expected me to give any details.
I prefer not to reveal my fantasies on a public forum. :D

snip
What's with this shrink bullcrap!? write to Dan Savage.

I noticed screwed up people aren't exactly rare on here, but I feel like I've got most of them beat by a mile. I've come to terms with being gay, though I'm still not perfectly comfortable about it. But the things that turn me on sexually are things I'd never do. How can you control the things you fantasize about? I know I'm a little conservative by the gay communities standards, but I'm really disturbed by my own fantasies. I'm afraid people will think I'm really warped. Does anyone else feel weirded out by their own desires? If they creep me out, what would someone else think? The idea of bringing this up to a shrink has occurred to me, but I'm not sure I could talk about it face to face with someone. Especially not if they expected me to give any details.

Most, if not all of us, have fantasies that would shock others. Reports show that women often imagine rape scenerios, while men love to dream about orgies. Bestiality and bondage also figure into a number of peoples' fantasies. We live in a structured and ordered society. Our imaginations allow us to act on baser instincts with uncivilized behavior in the movies on our eyelids. We can compose scenerios completely controlled by ourselves, giving us an outlet for behavior that we would never actually exhibit as "civilized" people.

If you feel that you have problems that a mental health professional could help you with, then, by all means, seek assistance. I doubt if you could shock a psychologist. They have probably heard things from other patients that would shock and scare the hell out of you. They don't judge a person on the content of what they think, but look for the source and possible ways to improve their patient's life. If your fantasies involve hurting yourself or others, and you find that you are looking for a way to indulge these fantasies in real life, then you should definitely seek help. If they are just bizarre or kinky and they disturb you, then a person trained in mental health care could help you accept your thoughts or modify them constructively. A psychologist could also help you become more comfortable with your sexual preferences.

It really doesn't matter how other people think of us as long as we accept ourselves for who we are. :D