NationStates Jolt Archive

As a parent, we are charged with the task of not only teaching our children their ABC's, but also about life and what it may throw at them. I wanted to see what my fellow NSers had to say about this topic.

How would you teach/explain the following topics to your children and at what age do you think is appropriate to address the subject? Comments from parents and non-parents alike are welcome. Also, if you are of the younger generation, tell us how your parents discussed these matters with you and if you thought they provided enough information, and if not, how could they have explained it better. Please also include the age at which they discussed these matters with you. You may comment on as many or as few of these topics as you like. :)

How would you explain/teach a child about the following and at what age:

Sex
Drugs and Alcohol
God/Religion
Divorce
Death
Homosexuality

Thank you!

I dont know about the others, probally at 13-15 when they can actually apreciate it. But as for god relgion, not a word ever, ill let them make their own mind up just like my parents did me.

I dont know about the others, probally at 13-15 when they can actually apreciate it. But as for god relgion, not a word ever, ill let them make their own mind up just like my parents did me.


what would you do if say your 5 year old came home asking about God and who he is, where he is, wheres heaven...all that stuff?

Not a parent myself, but this is how and when I got taught about life.

Sex
I think I was 10 when an older cousin showed me and my brothers porn. Including my little (6 at that time) brother, who told in class what he had seen. My parents had a long talk with us after that. Several years later I got it taught in biology class (well more about STD's and pregnancy and stuff)

Drugs and Alcohol
Not much talk about this. Just figuring is out with trial and error. And obviously we got taught about drugs in school. I don't think there's a need for a parent to teach his/her children about it unless the kid is doing the wrong things with it)

God/Religion
As my parents were quasi-catholics (and so was I) we learned what was in the bible, but we were not to act like it.

Divorce
Never had anything to do with it

Death
Never got taught about death.

Sex

From the moment they're curious. Usually, around 5-7, kids start asking how babies get there. Don't be overly medical about it, but also don't make it too "cutesy".


Drugs and Alcohol

As soon as they're old enough to understand that certain chemicals have certain effects on the body. I'd say start that around 10-12. Best lessons on this one is through example - ie. if you're drunk around your kids a lot, they're going to figure it's an ok thing to do no matter what you say.


God/Religion

Same with sex. From the moment they're curious. That usually begins around 5-7 when they start making friends who go to this strange place called "church" on Sundays. Just answer questions honestly and from your own beliefs. Don't do that "Some people believe A and some people believe B" and blah blah blah. You are that child's world. They want to know *your* belief, not random strangers that they've never heard of.


Divorce

Hopefully I will never have to teach this topic to my kids except as a "Sometimes mommies and daddies figure it's best to not live together anymore."


Death

Most of the time, this is best dealt with when a family pet dies. They will see the finality of it all. Of course, most parents tend to just go get another pet, but I find that abhorrent. If you can't replace grandpa, then you shouldn't be able to replace fluffy.


Homosexuality

Basic indifference. People love who they love why they love them. Ours is not to question why, but to be glad for our fellow person that they found someone they can be happy with.

How would you explain/teach a child about the following and at what age:

Sex

Ask your mother.
Drugs and Alcohol
Ask your aunt.
God/Religion
Ask your mother
Divorce
Ask Your motherDeath
Ask your mother


Seriously though I don't know. With Sex, Death and Religion it depends on the childs maturity, extra ordinary circumstances permitting. With divorce I'll use how I was introduced in it if I am in a culture like mine, let society teach. Not 'cos I'm lazy, I cannot remember never knowing about it. If it was me and the child's mother it would be different though. Drugs and Alcohol, I would be frank and not bullshit them like I was bullshitted to. The age will depend on what society is like then.

There is no age at which anything "should" be discussed. There are times. These are when the child asks. I have an eight year old and he receives as honest an answer as we can give to any question he asks.
Of these:
Sex
Drugs and Alcohol
God/Religion
Divorce
Death

we have had to deal with four of them so far. He has not asked about drugs and alcohol yet.

One of the critical things, as we have experienced it, is to watch television with your children as it is one of the primary sources of these questions. If we are there he asks us what this or that meant. If not, then he does not come with the question later.

How to answer. Our view is that it is best to be open and honest. As I am an athiest, for example, questions about religion are answered by giving a range of possible thoughts. Is there a God? Is not the usual question. More common are questions like Does God live in the sky? This we respond to by saying that some people believe something like that, not exactly in the sky, but they believe that God can see all that happens. From these responses further questions arise such as Do you believe in God? Why not? Why do others believe in God? etc.

more please :)

As a parent, we are charged with the task of not only teaching our children their ABC's, but also about life and what it may throw at them. I wanted to see what my fellow NSers had to say about this topic.

How would you teach/explain the following topics to your children and at what age do you think is appropriate to address the subject? Comments from parents and non-parents alike are welcome. Also, if you are of the younger generation, tell us how your parents discussed these matters with you and if you thought they provided enough information, and if not, how could they have explained it better. Please also include the age at which they discussed these matters with you. You may comment on as many or as few of these topics as you like. :)

How would you explain/teach a child about the following and at what age:

Sex
Drugs and Alcohol
God/Religion
Divorce
Death

Thank you!
1 Sex-- Unfortunately it's probably good to start talking about this subject at 12. That's way too young for the conversation to be comfortable, but probably necessary due to the large number of young kids who think they know all about sex and are eager to spread their ignorance. At this age the conversation should cover the basics about pregnancy and birth, and the consequences of sex at too young an age.

2 Drugs-- Age 12 seems about right for this one too. The talk should be frank and honest. Not geared to lies and scare tactics. Kids know that marijuanna isn't going to turn them into crack whores, but they need to know that the parents won't approve, and that there will be severe disciplinary consequences to drug use. They also need to know the dangers of harder drugs.

3 God-- When the kid starts taking interest in religion or others religious beleifs it's a good time to set him/her straight. In the end though, it's his or her descision whether to follow a religion and which one.

4 Divorce-- Hopefully you won't have to discuss this one, but it should be discussed with the kid as soon as the parents have made the descision. It's important not to drag the kid into the middle and make him/her a pawn in the game. Just keep things as normal as possible for the child throughout the whole process and encourage a good relationship with both parents (unless one is abusive)

5 Death-- Buy the kid a pet that won't live long. Like a goldfish. Then talk him/her through the inevitability of death. Stress that both his parents, all his friends, and eventually he will die. The sooner a person confronts mortality the healthier he will be in my opinion.

How would you explain/teach a child about the following and at what age:

Sex
Most likely at 12+ Tell them straight off the bat. And usually more to come around 14-15 when their curious. 12, their mostly still think it's a 'mommy daddy' thing.

Drugs and Alcohol
12+ I guess, but I always believe drugs and alcohol in large doses is bad, and I'm against any form casual drugs & even smoking.

God/Religion
Dunno.. maybe 3? 5? I am Christian, it would be normal for a parent to teach their children about their religion. It also teaches them good morals etc etc. Ex: Jesus feeds the 5 thousand, great story about sharing and being thankful for food.

Divorce
Hopefully never, or until their old enough to understand.

Death
When a death happeneds in the family.. Grandmother, dog whatever. Like I said I am Christian, so I believe in an existence of heaven. Kinda easen things out.

Overall, it still bores down to the maturity of the child as well. And also the phases in life he is going through.

I was never told about these things. It was assumed I would pick them up on my own, and show a little independance and decide for myself.

I think it was the best way to do it.

What would you say if the child asked "why are those two women kissing?" not want to start a flame war or anything buit i'm bord

What would you say if the child asked "why are those two women kissing?" not want to start a flame war or anything buit i'm bord
Male child-- Don't question why, just enjoy it while it lasts.

Female child-- Because they're lesbians, unlike you.

Male child-- Don't question why, just enjoy it while it lasts.

Female child-- Because they're lesbians, unlike you.

Perfect answers. You score 10 points in parent-O-meter.

What would you say if the child asked "why are those two women kissing?" not want to start a flame war or anything buit i'm bord


ohhh I forgot to add that to the list!! thanks!!

Male child-- Don't question why, just enjoy it while it lasts.

Female child-- Because they're lesbians, unlike you.

lol

There is no specific time in which you should tell a child. They are all different.

When they ask, if it's time, you'll know it is and you tell them. If it isn't, just blush and say "I'll tell you when you are older."

Besides, if you sit them on your lap, and say, "Son/Daughter/Offspring, there's something I need to explain to you [or whatever]" They probably replied, "Is this about sex? Cos I just did Sex Ed. at school."

What would you say if the child asked "why are those two women kissing?" not want to start a flame war or anything buit i'm bord
because they love each other

because they love each other


Ash, I think thats an excellent answer, but let me ask you this....and I'm asking becuase I'm interested in your opinion-not being argumentative at all :) .....

I have a 6 year old daughter and she is very loving. She write notes that say "I love you" to her class mates and takes them to them sometimes. If she were to ask me about the two women/or men kissing, and I told her that its because they love each other, what if she wants to kiss one of her female class mates, on the lips, and what if the parents of that child are freaked out? What if she says "Why cant I kiss girls?" Or even have a "Girlfriend" at the ages between say 5 and 12 years old?

you start talking to kids about these things from the time they start understanding words. there is no magical age at which these topics suddenly become relevant or understandable.

sure you dont need to talk to a 2 year old about safe sex practices but you might mention (if they notice or its someone you know) that that woman isnt fat, she is pregnant.

you dont have philosophical discussions about the intrinsic nature of life and death but you do have to tell him that his goldfish DIED, it didnt go back home to its mother.

if you have alcohol or drugs in your house you MUST talk to your child about it as soon as he is old enough to get into things on his own. you dont want to find your 4 year old dead of a drug overdose.

if you go to church, how can you NOT talk to your child about religion as soon as they are old enough for words? otherwise you talk to them about it as soon as they ask, and it will amost certainly be before age 5. better have some good responses all thought up.

you talk about divorce when it affects his life. "grandma and grandpa have decided they dont want to be married anymore but they will still be your grandparents"

you talk about homosexualy in terms of LOVE not sex. there are some men who fall in love with other men. there are some women who fall in love with other women. by the time they are old enough to wonder about the sexual aspects they are probably too embarrassed to ask you about it anyway.

you dont wait "until they are old enough" for ANY topic. you start when they are very young and put it in terms that they can understand. that way when they are old enough for the big questions they are used to talking to you about it. if you think your child can be kept in the dark about any of these topics until age 12, you are NUTZ. by that time they will already have their heads full of nonsense if you havent been teaching them about it their whole lives.

Ash, I think thats an excellent answer, but let me ask you this....and I'm asking becuase I'm interested in your opinion-not being argumentative at all :) .....

I have a 6 year old daughter and she is very loving. She write notes that say "I love you" to her class mates and takes them to them sometimes. If she were to ask me about the two women/or men kissing, and I told her that its because they love each other, what if she wants to kiss one of her female class mates, on the lips, and what if the parents of that child are freaked out? What if she says "Why cant I kiss girls?" Or even have a "Girlfriend" at the ages between say 5 and 12 years old?
you can tell her shes not old enough for THAT kind of kissing. i would use the same standard that i would use for girl/boy relationships. its just not allowed before a certain age. (even though she will have a "boyfriend" before too long. its harmless) as long as she's not "playing house" with other girls (or boys) and kissing them pretending to be an adult married couple, i wouldnt worry about it. its just innocent affection.

its sad that anyone should have to worry that another parent would freak out at having a 6 year old girl kiss their 6 year old daughter. (yeah you might have to worry about it) it used to be common for girls to hold hands up into their teen years. dont worry HER about it until it happens and then tell the other parents to lighten up and get their minds out of the gutter. the suppression of innocent affection is just WRONG. (then you explain that other families have different standards of good/bad touching and while its not wrong to YOUR family, the other girls family feels that kissing on the lips is wrong)

My daughter is 6 and we have talked about several subjects...in detail. Some people think I am maybe too honest with her, but I believe I am building a foundation of trust by answering her questions honestly. I dont believe in telling her that babies come from the stork or stuff like that. Her dad and I divorced when she was 2 so she was a bit too young to know what was going on. But when she asked me one day "mommie, why doesnt dady live with us?" I explained to her that sometimes people decide they are better off as friends. That her dad and I decided not to be married to each other, but we both love her and she can ask either of us anything. We had a very amicable divorce.
My dad died last year, so she has experienced that. He was very sick and was partially paralyzed, both legs amputated, blind and several other things. I told her that papa was very sick due to a disease called Diabetes, and that he may die one day. She accepted that and when he died...she said she missed him but knew that everyone dies. I dont sugar coat things for her. She is pretty tough for a child her age and I hope I can answer her questions to the best of my abilities. The only subject I'm not sure about how to fully explain is the homosexuality. I have gay friends and even family members. What I am concerned about is when I explain to her that those men or women are kissing because they love each other, what if she wants to start kissing girls on the lips and holding hands because she "loves" them? I'm not saying my 6 year old would be a lesbian, but she loves everyone and would most likely show her affections to her girl friends in that manner. So the parents of the other children are probably going to flip if my daughter goes around saying I'm going to marry Kaylee because I love her. You see what I mean? How do you handle something like that?

you can tell her shes not old enough for THAT kind of kissing. i would use the same standard that i would use for girl/boy relationships. its just not allowed before a certain age. (even though she will have a "boyfriend" before too long. its harmless) as long as she's not "playing house" with other girls (or boys) and kissing them pretending to be an adult married couple, i wouldnt worry about it. its just innocent affection.

its sad that anyone should have to worry that another parent would freak out at having a 6 year old girl kiss their 6 year old daughter. (yeah you might have to worry about it) it used to be common for girls to hold hands up into their teen years. dont worry HER about it until it happens and then tell the other parents to lighten up and get their minds out of the gutter. the suppression of innocent affection is just WRONG. (then you explain that other families have different standards of good/bad touching and while its not wrong to YOUR family, the other girls family feels that kissing on the lips is wrong)

Thanks Ash, I posted the next post before I was able to see this one. It is indeed sad. I live in a small town in GA under the Bible belt where homosexuality is frowned upon :rolleyes: . And I am not one to really care what others think, I just dont want other children to be mean to my daughter is she is genuinely expressing an innocent affection to one of her girl classmates, because they have narrow minded parents who say "thats wrong and you need to stay away from that little girl" . ugh...people.

it is best to be that honest with your daughter
you are the bedrock on which her whole universe rests, she needs to be able to trust that everything you tell her is true. (even though you will from time to time be WRONG, but thats a lesson in itself)

Sex
My parents did it when I wouldn't remember and whenever something happens on TV, they make sure I know not to do it till after I'm married.

As for drugs and alchohol, don't know if they ever did teach me that. They do the same as with the sex talks I guess.

Don't know anything about divorce (Luckily)

As for the gay topic, they didn't need to. I always found it gross.

How would you explain/teach a child about the following and at what age:

Divorce
Death
Homosexuality

Thank you!

Not a parent, but as someone who dated single dads, lived with one or two of them and has many friends who are single parents, I do have an opinion. :)

Divorce:

Obviously, if you are going through a divorce, you need to talk to your child at that time. Otherwise, as he or she brings the subject up. I think there are so many forms of families out there, that having friends with divorced parents might seem normal, but if your child has a good friend whose parents are getting divorced, you may need to have an in-depth discussion to ease your child's mind.

The best explanation I have heard (especially for young children) is to say that sometimes grownups fall in love and get married, but later on, things change and they don't love each other any more, so they get divorced. Then go on to explain that while grownups can stop loving each other, a parent never stops loving his or her child, so they don't have to worry; Mom and Dad still love them very much. Also assure them that it was nothing they did or didn't do to cause this. This the kind of assurance kids of all ages need to hear.

If the subject of divorce comes up because your child is curious, and you have strong feelings that divorce is wrong, I would let know how you feel, but avoid being too judgemental towards any divorced parties. Kids have a hard time understanding that a person can do something that is bad (in your opinion), and not be a bad person, so if it's a friend's parent or other adult they know, it can cause them to feel guilty for still liking that person.

Oh, and never, ever (please don't) say things to your child like "We are getting a divorce because your mom is a whore and cheated on me", or "your dad is a drunken deadbeat and I can't take it anymore". Sounds silly, I know, but there are people who can't keep their anger controlled and it only confuses and hurts the child. If your child is older, you can let them know that there are specific problems that caused the divorce, but remember that your child loves both of you, anyway.

Death

This is a toughie. Different ages require different approaches, and your religious beliefs or lack of them will play into this. Whether or not you believe in heaven, letting your child know that someone they love has gone to "a better place" may provide some comfort, but obviously, if you later retract that statement and say there is no heaven, this can cause more trauma. I think it's necessary to explain to young children that death is forever, and while it's sad for us that the person (or pet, or whatever) is no longer with us, it's just the way things go. New people are born all the time, and some people die. Everyone will die eventually, but hopefully not for a long, long time.

The big thing is to let them know that it's okay to be sad, and cry and that you will never forget the person who died, but someday the sadness will start to go away. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of promising heaven or any kind of afterlife, you can be honest and say you don't know what happens when a person dies, but that they will always be alive in your memories.

Homosexuality

Warning! Warning! Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! :eek: Sorry...had to do it.
A very loaded topic and one that will elicit different responses in lots of people. For me, the explanation that makes the most sense to present is that people fall in love for different reasons, and they love different people. So some may love people who are funny, or tall, or who play sports, but it's okay, because it means there is somebody for everybody. Tell them that most of the time, boys fall in love with girls and girls fall in love with boys, but sometimes, girls love girls and boys love boys, and that's okay- because we are all different and we don't all have to agree.

So that's my opinionated spiel. YMMV.

Very nice Alena :)

Sex
Whenever they ask, be honest with them. Differing levels of complexity depending on how much they can understand. I'd be tempted to leave it brief and let school teach them the details, that's what happened for me (and a couple of books i read along the way) and i'm glad i didn't have to endure a long cringe-worthy talk with my parents.

Drugs and Alcohol
I'd liek to say the same as above: let school sort most of it out. But I hate the way schools teach about drugs (most of 'the facts' but deliberately weighted to be very anti-drugs) and it didn't stop me starting reasonably early.
I'd try and tell them what they wanted to know (maybe not exactly how to prepare crack cocaine for ingesting or something like that :p) and make it clear that ultimately it's their choice, but that i'd really hope they waited until they're properly mature before experimenting. Not dropping E at 15 for a laugh.

God/Religion
It's generally easier to let kids believe in God when they're young, and i see no massive reason to stand in the way of that until they start to get curious. When they do, i see no reason not to tell them everything i know - that i know nothing. Let them decide in their hearts what they believe.

Divorce
Simply "sometimes mommies and daddies realise they dont love each other as much as they thought"

Death
Tricky one, and being agnostic doesn't really help in this situation. As with God, i think i'd let them believe in heaven (or some sort of 'other place') as a comforter, until they're old enough to start questioning that for themselves.

Homosexuality
"Sometimes Mommies like other Mommies more than Daddies" or visa versa. Love is Love, no matter who the people are.

Personally i believe in protecting a child's "inncence" as long as possible, while at the same time making sure they're safe. So that means being honest about sex and drugs if they ever ask (but not saying much if they don't ask, not until they're 14/15 at least), but letting them believe whatever they want on the religion/philosophy side.

... I don't know about some teens... but most of the stuff I know I first learned on... a school bus.... when I should have learned it at home. I think it really is important for moms to be honest wiht their kids. My mom and I are just now beginnning to be close... but it only happened recently.

The answer is, when they are ready.

When a five year old asks about where babies come from, the answer, of necessity, will be much simpler than when a 12 year old broaches the same subject.

As for God and religion, I was lucky: though my family is Catholic, I was given the opportunity to decide for myself what I believed in. I skipped going to church for probably 20-25 years; now I go not because someone tells me I must, but because I feel that it fulfills me spiritually. I believe not because that is what I was told, but because it makes sense to me. I'd give any child of mine the same freedom, because honestly, forcing a child to go to church, forcing him or her to accept religion because 'I said so,' is either going to drive them further from your value system out of rebellion or create the kind of person who never questions and simply swallows whatever is told to them.

Independence and reasoning are wonderful things.

Member of the younger generation, so I'll throw my bit out there.

Sex

I was pretty ignorant about this sort of thing until late 12 early 13 ish. I was told that children were the result of two people (a man and a woman) coming together, which wasn't all that innacurate.

Everything else was from education at school. It was kind of a "so THAT's what it's for!" experience.

Religion

I was rather interested about religion early in life, mostly the idea of "heaven". I was enroled into a religious-education program (NOT a school), where I learned alot about Catholism. I was a little bit wierded out at first to be honest! :p

My upbringing as a Catholic has been rather liberal. I've been discribed as a "grocery-store" Catholic. I think it's been for the best.

My mom promised herself that she would raise me and my brothers as Catholics, but has promised me that she would accept any path I take religiously after my Confirmation. She doesn't want me to be a priest though...scandal kinda upset her.

Drugs, Alcohol and Tobacco

I've been stressed so much at school that drugs and alcohol are not something to be taken lightly that honestly, my parents didn't need to worry about it.

Tobacco on the other hand, I learned from my grandma after lung cancer killed her.

Death

My grandmother's death has so far been the only experience I've had with it. I was still pretty young but I know that she loved me.

I think that I took her death well for an eight year old. I understood that everyone dies at some point, and it helped to know that she was going to a better place. I have yet to face another death in the family. I know I'll be able to accept it...but being older I probably will like it less knowing the people more.

Divorse

Gah! Such a pain! My parents divorsed when I was eight years old. To be perfectly honest, I think I was shortchanged at this point. I was lied to on both sides. The divorse was rather messy too. I was "explained" to about a year later what "divorse" was all about.

I'm older now and can understand why the divorse was necessary...but I still resent that I was lied to.

What really sucks is, though he tries, I very rarely see my dad.

Homosexuality

Tee hee! Oh what fun!

Well, I was never taught, per se, about homosexuality, but I got fed the crap from the school bullies. Y'know, the kind of guy that calls anything he doesn't like "gay" or "faggot" etc. Thus, I associated "gay" with "bad". Still didn't know what "gay" was though until a wise friend explained it to me.

Yeah, I went through the whole "ikky" phase! But...I accepted it as how a person is. Nothing I can do about it, it's their lives. I'm straight, but I'm a huge advocate of gay rights...and a closet yaoi fan!

...Not closet anymore... :D

How would you explain/teach a child about the following and at what age:

Sex

i would begin answering questions as soon as the kid was asking, and possibly earlier if a situation made it necessary (like if i had a 5 year old who wanted to go out in public nude, and i needed to explain why certain parts must be covered in our society). i would use all the correct terminology, no "wee-wee" and "hoo-hoo" nonsense, and i would answer any and all questions as honestly and completely as i am able.

Drugs and Alcohol

i would never lie to a child about my own experience, which has been that winners do sometimes use drugs. i have not only my personal experience to draw on, but also my knowledge of chemistry and human neuroscience, so i feel qualified to give detailed information about what drugs do what to which parts of the brain.

i would strongly discourage a young child from using drugs of any kind, because the developing brain and body may suffer much more serious long term impacts from drug use; an adult can have a glass of wine every day with no ill effects, but a 7 year old who does so may suffer long term negative consequences. when the kid got older (say, 14-15) i would be more open to them experimenting, provided they weren't monkeying around with things like PCP or heroine.


God/Religion

i would explain how people believe in God the same way i would explain how the ancient Greeks believed in Zeus. i wouldn't try to hide my opinion of religion or superstition, but i also would make it very clear that i would not be angry or disappointed if the kid decided to disagree with me...everybody's got to make those choices for themselves, and i would never try to force or pressure a kid to agree with my beliefs.


Divorce
in some situations, divorce is the responsible and loving choice. don't know what specifically i would need to explain to the kid, but i'd answer any and all questions honestly and completely.


Death

i've long since lost any fear i might have had of death, so i don't mind talking about it. i would try to help the child become comfortable with their own mortality, and help them to not be afraid of the fact that they will one day cease to exist, but i wouldn't dwell on it or bring up the topic if it wasn't necessary.


Homosexuality

same as heterosexuality. i would teach a child that love isn't about what a person's got between their legs.


Thank you!
welcome!

I have a 6 year old daughter and she is very loving. She write notes that say "I love you" to her class mates and takes them to them sometimes. If she were to ask me about the two women/or men kissing, and I told her that its because they love each other, what if she wants to kiss one of her female class mates, on the lips, and what if the parents of that child are freaked out? What if she says "Why cant I kiss girls?" Or even have a "Girlfriend" at the ages between say 5 and 12 years old?

Meh ... having a girlfriend at that age is like having a boyfriend at that age. It's really in name only and just a play thing. My 6 (7 on Saturday!) year old daughter has a girlfriend. It's not like there's hot lesbian action goin' on.

They watch movies together. Ooooooh. Sinful.

Sex - either when they ask or about 10
Drugs and Alcohol - probably 12
God/Religion - whenever they ask
Divorce - when their first experience of divorce occurs
Death - ditto above
Homosexuality - probably 12

"inncence"

What, may I ask, is "inncence"? It's pronounced like "incense". Oh well.

Children get curious, and (if you are a good parent), the first [person they ask should be you. If you don't satisfy their curiosity, they will find other places to learn it from, like other kids. If my child asked a question about any one of those things, I would answer it truthfully and as in-depth as they want. Even if they are too young to understand at the time, when they are, they will probably either remember and fill in the blanks, or ask you to help them do that. What harm does it do to tell your child what drugs do, no matter what the age, so long as you make it perfectly clear the harm they cause. Same thing with sex. Make sure the child hears it from YOU first, and make sure they hear it right.

Granted, I'm not a parent yet, but here's my take on it.

God/Religion: Birth onward, as much as they can understand at the time.
Death: Probably around 7 or 8, as that is when they can start to comprehend it.
Divorce: About 7 or 8 again, as they can start to understand it, and they will probably encounter someone who has been through it.

Sex, Drugs and Alcohol, Homosexuality: About 10 to 12, as those sorts of things start cropping up shortly thereafter.

Meh ... having a girlfriend at that age is like having a boyfriend at that age. It's really in name only and just a play thing. My 6 (7 on Saturday!) year old daughter has a girlfriend. It's not like there's hot lesbian action goin' on.

They watch movies together. Ooooooh. Sinful.


all true Keru. On another post I explained how it is where I live. Its like homosexuality is forbidden to even speak of almost. When a child expresses an innocent affection, like kissing another little girl and saying I love you....some people freak out. I mean they are children for goodness sakes. Whats the problem?We were at McDonalds play land once and one of my daughters class mates showed up. They began playing together, and the mother and I were engaged in conversation, when the little girls mother overheard her daughter say "I love you too Reagan....now we should kiss!" Her mom stood up and yelled "NO! You do not kiss girls!!" I was shocked at how angry she was. Both girls looked at the woman in fear. I stepped in and said,"I dont think they are going to elope or anything, and its not necessary to yell." Thats what I'm talking about. Those little girls had done nothing wrong and shouldnt have been made to feel as if they had. The whole situation opened up the conversation of "mom, can I marry a girl if I want to?" "can I marry someone with brown skin?" "can I marry someone in a wheelchair?"
On and on and on........


back later....gone to get a needle stuck in my eye. :(

back later....gone to get a needle stuck in my eye. :(
WTF? :(

I'd send em to public school. They'll find out by the time they're 10 on the playground.

As a parent, we are charged with the task of not only teaching our children their ABC's, but also about life and what it may throw at them. I wanted to see what my fellow NSers had to say about this topic.

How would you teach/explain the following topics to your children and at what age do you think is appropriate to address the subject? Comments from parents and non-parents alike are welcome. Also, if you are of the younger generation, tell us how your parents discussed these matters with you and if you thought they provided enough information, and if not, how could they have explained it better. Please also include the age at which they discussed these matters with you. You may comment on as many or as few of these topics as you like. :)

How would you explain/teach a child about the following and at what age:

Sex
Drugs and Alcohol
God/Religion
Divorce
Death
Homosexuality

Thank you!

I have already explained all that stuff to my little goofball and he isn't even a year old yet. After listening carefully, staring at his daddy with rapt attention and wide eyes, he did exactly what I did when I was taught these things; He pooped. :D

Hello-
I'm new to NationStates,(my son introduced me to the concept), but I am a mom who also homeschools. My son is nine and mature for his age and rather smart, so the way I have explained things to him may not work for other children maturing at different rates.

Sex I have always been honest about the differences between men and women, and have used age appropriate books and conversation to illustrate the answers to questions.


Drugs and Alcohol At this age, he is aware that alcohol is a moderation only substance, that some people cannot handle alcohol and that he has people in his own family that have that problem. He understands what addiction is, and that some illegal substances actually have positive uses, but not all.

God/Religion We have discussed all major forms or spiritual concepts, have offered church services and answered all question he has had. I have also began to bring up philosophy in conversation.

Divorce at five, he understood divorce, media and family divorces sped that one along.

Death at five, we lost several family members, and I began to discuss the different things that happen after the body id dead. It is his choice that he believes in reincarnation.

Homosexuality we have friends that are both trangender and others that are gay. I have always raised my son to believe that love is love-not what nether region one holds between their legs.

great topic! Great Site!

Tache

My two cents:

Sex- whenever the kids start asking. And I'd buy 'em a biology textbook so they've got the facts right.

Drugs and Alcohol- my dad told me he'd forgive anything I did (including genocide- I know because I asked him) as long as I didn't take drugs, and I have to say, I think that's pretty wise. Other people can think what they want, but I'd really try to discourage my kids from damaging themselves like that, from the very first moment they started asking about it.

Having said that, I'm now going to prove myself an utter hypocrite by saying that I'd teach my children alcohol is fine in small amounts.

God/Religion- I wouldn't impose religion on them; I'd leave them until they were old enough to choose for themselves. And if they asked about heaven and god and stuff, I'd just explain to them that some people believe that, and they can if they like, but I don't.

Divorce- Why would I need to tell them about that? Probably half their friends' parents would be divorced by the time they were ten, so it would be pretty pointless.

Death- Tricky one. Again, I'd probably wait until the subject came up.

Homosexuality- As soon as the subject came up. I'd explain that sometimes men love men and women love women, but that it didn't really make a difference to anything. :D


P.S Bolol- Yay for yaoi! ^_^

As a parent, we are charged with the task of not only teaching our children their ABC's, but also about life and what it may throw at them. I wanted to see what my fellow NSers had to say about this topic.

How would you teach/explain the following topics to your children and at what age do you think is appropriate to address the subject? Comments from parents and non-parents alike are welcome. Also, if you are of the younger generation, tell us how your parents discussed these matters with you and if you thought they provided enough information, and if not, how could they have explained it better. Please also include the age at which they discussed these matters with you. You may comment on as many or as few of these topics as you like. :)

How would you explain/teach a child about the following and at what age:

Sex
Drugs and Alcohol
God/Religion
Divorce
Death
Homosexuality

Thank you!

Sex: With my little girl - discussing this has kind of been ongoing since she was old enough to speak. She knows about anatomy, she knows where babies come from, and how they get out. She knows that it takes two people to 'make' a baby. At age 6, that is currently enough for her.

When her questions become more in-depth, so will the answers.

Drugs and Alcohol: Due to family details, my little girl has already seen the negative effects of some drug usage... and has had it explained to her that ANY drug (including medicines) has good and bad effects. She has been told about the reasons why she might not want to 'mess with drugs'... legal reasons, and biological reasons. She has also been told about alcohol... that, like anything else, it probably won't do you any harm in controlled amounts, but that it has the potential to cause harm in larger quantities.

God/Religion: My little girl has a Southern Baptist family, and that, in conjunction with her school and church, has definitely had some effect on her. I have approached religion in the same way as all other matters... she gets questions answered to the best of my ability. Sometimes, that has meant explaining why a certain thing happens in the bible (explaining it in biblical terms)... and sometimes it has been entirely outside of the bible.

She has a knowledge of other religions, and their beliefs, and knows that situations CAN have more than one explanation. But, the DECISIONS will be hers, I will just be a provider of (as unbiased as possible) information.

Her questions started at about 3 or 4, when she found that Grandma (who is christian), didn't like the fact that 'daddy' isn't... but I have chosen to JUST provide information, and not try to do the same thing in reverse.

Divorce: My little girl knows that sometimes people decide they cannot stay together, because they are unhappier together than when they are apart. She also knows, that those issues are between those two people, and are not a reflection on any other persons, including any children they might have.

These questions started early, because 'mommy' was married before, so she was raised having 'two daddies'. The secret is to just answer whatever question as honestly (and FAIRLY) as possible.

Death: This question ties in with the religion one. My little girl knows that my father is dead, and that I think that means he is 'gone'... and that there is no coming back. This question came up about a year ago, when a family member became very sick. I think 'death' is one of those issues that you can ONLY really approach when it becomes relevent... otherwise, there is no frame of reference.

Homosexuality: My little girl has been raised in proximity (sometimes) to homosexuality. Back in the mother country, I had a couple of quite close friends, who were lesbians. When asked about that interesting situation, I explained to her that some grown-ups chose to live with their own sex, and some chose to live with the other sex.

She HAS asked (at age 5) why she shouldn't have a girlfriend (in response, I think, to comments she may have heard from family). I have told her that, as long as SHE is happy, that is all that matters to me.

Oh - but at her age... as Keru said, their 'boyfriends/girlfriends' are not the same sort of thing as they will be in their teenage years...