NationStates Jolt Archive

Well it looks like one of the hot-button issues of this forum has hit close to my home. My 16 year old nephew is confirming what many of us have suspected, that he is indeed gay.

This brings up all sorts of questions in my mind. At 16, is he really sure? As his Uncle, and probably the most stable male role model in his life (his parents are split, he lives with mom) what should my role be? Should I be trying to steer him away from his choice? Or supportive and accepting? An impending move by his mother and her beau to Minn. prompted his outing. He's moving with them and he figured he's making a new start in a new place, might as well start honestly. So another question is, if he visits us and brings a friend, how should I act?

And how about genetics? Are homosexual tendancies hereditary? Looking at my wifes family tree I'm thinking there may be something to that idea. Her mother has a cousin that's a flaming queen. My nephew (son of one of my wifes brothers) has always been sort of effeminate, no interest at all in sports or girls. I almost feel like warning my other brother in law (my wife has 4 brothers) who has a 3 year old who is the spitting image of his recently outed cousin, right down to the mannerisms. Should we be worried about the little guy?

So is it his parents fault? Mother to much influence, father not around enough? Or is it a foregone conclusion because of genetics?

Personally, when I think about it, he's still the same kid I've known his entire life. I don't think of him any differently. Hell, I really don't want to hear about their sexual relations, gay or straight. He's still a minor and since I'm not a parent, don't tell me about that stuff.

He's no more or less gay than he was from birth.

You ought to be completely supportive, he is courageous for not hiding who he is and should be treated accordingly.

I really don't see a problem here. His body, his choice (or lack thereof, depending on how it is).

I think it's good that you're not treating him any differently.

You summed it up best:

Personally, when I think about it, he's still the same kid I've known his entire life. I don't think of him any differently. Hell, I really don't want to hear about their sexual relations, gay or straight. He's still a minor and since I'm not a parent, don't tell me about that stuff.

The kids are the same regardless of whether they're gay or straight, and gay or straight, chances are, beign family, you don't want to know what they're doing anyways. If he brings a "friend" then treat them like you'd treat any other couple.

Also, sexuality is apparantly fixed around 5 or so.

Though you are right, it is possible that he doesn't know yet, one of my friends is 19 and he goes back and forth and still doesn't seem to know what he is... from August to Feb he was saying he was gay, and I was happy that he was sticking with this assertion as he seemed to figure himself out... and now it seems he's straight... I'm guessing he's bi since he seems to be attracted to both sexes with no problem.

In a nutshell:

Many people realize they are gay years before they come out of the closet.

Homosexuality is not hereditary.

No one knows exactly how people are determined gay, but it is not genetics, and it is not from outside influence. Not the parents' fault.

It's good that you can accept him for who he is--many people have difficulty doing that once they discover someone they know is gay.

Did you know you were straight at 16? I knew I was gay well before I was 16.

Being supportive of his choice (whether you believe it to be genetic, choice, behavior, hormones, whatever) is the best thing you can do. Too many broken families, relationships, and lives come from people who deny that homosexuality is natural. There are too many teen suicides from homosexual males that do not feel they are accepted.

As for worrying about the 3-year old, if you don't consider it a problem, don't worry about it. If you can accept him being gay as a possibility, great. Just accept it.

Sexuality is usually determined long before environmental factors have a chance to affect the child. Personally, I believe it's caused mostly by hormone levels in the womb. Quite frankly though, there are way too many factors to pin down any one as a cause, and way too many examples for any one cause to be foolproof.

Final note, just treat him as you've always treated him. Love him as you always have, and thing will turn out fine.

Did you know you were straight at 16? I knew I was gay well before I was 16.


I knew I was straight when I was 16! I'll spare ya the details. hehe.

I knew I was straight when I was 9...

...Maybe I've said too much.

Did you know you were straight at 16? I knew I was gay well before I was 16.Good point. But I know different people mature at different rates. And my nephew has always seemed to be on the backside of the curve on that, hitting puberty later than my own son by a couple of years.

But you're right, I don't think he's that far behind the curve. And even if he wavers back and worth, I don't think it's anyones place to tell him one choice or another is the one for him.

I agree with what others have posted. As for him visiting and bringing a friend, I would handle it the same as you would any 16 year old who would visit with a potential partner. If you know for sure they are dating, separate rooms (is how I would go). If you don't know if this is a friend or a "friend", I would be upfront with him and say you don't believe in underage sex, so you would be more comfortable with them in separate rooms. If he says they aren't romantically involved, I guess you have to trust your gut.

I knew I was straight when I was 16! I'll spare ya the details. hehe.
I'm thankfull for small things.:p ('ceptin' Prime Miniture J. Ho.)

i heard it had somrthing to do with Foetal Alcohol syndrome
Nope that was how people look like Elves
Perhaps its something in the water or the family tree looks like a metal Chain
()
()
()
()
()
()
()-Get the idea. ;)

Seriously your role should be to um protect him
If hes moving to a new city and declares his Gayness he might get the beat downs he probably shouldnt announce it would be a bad start.

I knew I was straight when I was 16! I'll spare ya the details. hehe.
[Emphasis mine.]

Yes, please do. :p

--The Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester

I knew I was straight when I was 9...

...Maybe I've said too much.
Incest the game the whole family can play. :p
Nah your alright

I think everyone's pretty much said everything that needs to be said. Be there for your nephew by letting him talk to you. Don't feel like you have to have all the answers. Unless you've spent a lot of time around the gay community all your life, you probably won't know all the answers, but at least show a willingness to learn what you need to learn.

The most important lesson I can impart on you or on any family member who has a relative come out to him or her is that you have just begun to process this information that your loved one has had to work through his entire life. It's going to take you time to adjust fully to everything. He's going to have to understand that and you're going to have to be patient with it.

I wish you and he much luck in the next stage of your lives.

Trolling Motors,

I commend you for keeping such an open mind during this very eye0opening time for you and your family.

First and foremost, right now your nephew is in an incredibly sensative time. He just revealed something so intrinsic about himself that he probably feels very vulnerable. He probably needs as much support and positive reactions as he can get.

Second, as you said that his being gay makes no difference to you, there is probably very little reason to speculate what "caused" him to be gay. Afterall, what "caused" you to be straight?

Third, the person that probably needs the most help in dealing with this is his mother. You could be an incredible source of support for her as this is probably an equally emotional time for her. The person whom she gave birth to, raised from that time, and has constantly poured herself into just announced that he is part of the 10% (give or take) of the population that finds no attraction to members of the opposite sex. She could possibly feel responsible or frantic about the safety of her son. You would be helpful to both your nephew and his mother to help her through this time.

Forth, we live in a very gay-unfriendly culture. From the very youngest of ages we are all told that straight is good and gay is bad. We currenty see huge backlash against gays and lesbians in the media, legislation, and word of mouth. You can help your nephew and all other gay persons by standing up for them. By not letting people around you spread false testimony about gay people (whom your nephew is one). Help to dispell rumors and sterotypes by offering your own experiences in relationships with gay persons. This will help to show people who may not know of any gay persons that they do actually exist and that they have real hopes, fears, dreams, and pains.

Again, I commend you for trying to seek out answers to questions that you have thought about. I leave you with this: continue to talk with your nephew about these questions. This will show that you still love him and are interested in his life. This will also show him that you believe him when he says he's gay. There's nothing worse than someone mustering up all the courage they have to announce to their loved ones something very personal about themselves and then to have their loved ones not even believe them. I would suggest that you treat him no differently than you do your other nephews/nieces.

Seriously your role should be to um protect him
If hes moving to a new city and declares his Gayness he might get the beat downs he probably shouldnt announce it would be a bad start.

Depends on where he's moving to. Bigger cities are generally more open towards it, whereas smaller towns can be scary in their hatred towards homosexuality.

As for declaring it right out, that's probably the better thing to do. A lot of people get scared when someone they thing is straight comes out gay. It's often better to say "Hey I'm Gay!" from the start and get the kind of friends that don't care about that sort of thing.

Incest the game the whole family can play. :p
Nah your alright

ROFL! Ah yes, Incest, a game even Grandpa can enjoy!

ROFL! Ah yes, Incest, a game even Grandpa can enjoy!

When you fucked grandpa did he tell you that he loved you?

ROFL! Ah yes, Incest, a game even Grandpa can enjoy!


Was that really necessary? I'm a free speech maniac and all, but... That's just gross.

Depends on where he's moving to. Bigger cities are generally more open towards it, whereas smaller towns can be scary in their hatred towards homosexuality.

As for declaring it right out, that's probably the better thing to do. A lot of people get scared when someone they thing is straight comes out gay. It's often better to say "Hey I'm Gay!" from the start and get the kind of friends that don't care about that sort of thing.
LAst time i checked the U.S.(Highschools) werent a very nice place for the different ones and if your not friends with a Cheerleader your Doomed!

LAst time i checked the U.S.(Highschools) werent a very nice place for the different ones and if your not friends with a Cheerleader your Doomed!


Heh, it's only like that in small town High Schools. Sometimes. Depends on what region of the US you're in.

ROFL! Ah yes, Incest, a game even Grandpa can enjoy!
Huzzah youve read Bully Basher-Scary book very scary. :(

Huzzah youve read Bully Basher-Scary book very scary. :(


...What?

LAst time i checked the U.S.(Highschools) werent a very nice place for the different ones and if your not friends with a Cheerleader your Doomed!

I went to a HS that accepted everyone, more or less. What I'm saying is based on stories I've heard from gay and lesbian friends. Most of them have lost friends and gained enemies when they came out after being assumed straight. And most of them wished they could have moved and started over.

Coming out straight from the get-go (no pun intended) is usually healthier, both mentally and physically. And any abuse should be reported to a counselor or teacher before it gets too bad, and they'll help deal with it.

Heh, it's only like that in small town High Schools. Sometimes. Depends on what region of the US you're in.
So your telling me all School's arent like Boston Public or any of the movies ive seen.-shock horror Holywood lies. :rolleyes:

Well judging from the fact that i havent been there(Thankfully) ill concede the point. ;)

[QUOTE=Trolling Motors]Well it looks like one of the hot-button issues of this forum has hit close to my home. My 16 year old nephew is confirming what many of us have suspected, that he is indeed gay.[QUOTE]
I'm sorry for your (family's) loss.

Was that really necessary? I'm a free speech maniac and all, but... That's just gross.

ROFLMAO!

My face is red from all of the laughing now! LOL!

Well it looks like one of the hot-button issues of this forum has hit close to my home. My 16 year old nephew is confirming what many of us have suspected, that he is indeed gay.
I'm sorry for your (family's) loss.

[QUOTE=Trolling Motors]Well it looks like one of the hot-button issues of this forum has hit close to my home. My 16 year old nephew is confirming what many of us have suspected, that he is indeed gay.[QUOTE]
I'm sorry for your (family's) loss.

Hey now that was uncalled for. Gays and Lesbian are people just like us. You know alot of people here are not Christian, but I think we call all agree on one thing that Jesus said.

Love your neighbor. Guess what, your neighbor is the entire world.


To the original poster. I would accept his lifestyle, and you know, just keep on treating him the way you've been treating him before he came out.

...What?
Bully Basher
Grandpa is on his death bed and tells his grandson to come closer then goes on to fondle the young lad. :(

It might be a true story-The Authour is Gay.

Hey now that was uncalled for. Gays and Lesbian are people just like us.


.


They're probably better people than their detractors.

Certainly more likely to succeed in both education and professional life.

More tolerant, more intellectual.

Third, the person that probably needs the most help in dealing with this is his mother. Actually his mother probably has been aware longer than anyone and she's OK with it. His father on the other hand........Lets just say he's not tickled about how his only son turned out.
Forth, we live in a very gay-unfriendly culture. Since we live in California, it's not an unknown or as big a negative as other locations, I'm worried more about where he's moving to. I don't think Minnesota has a large gay community........

They're probably better people than their detractors.

Certainly more likely to succeed in both education and professional life.

More tolerant, more intellectual.

Yea, your success is based on your sexual activity, religion, and sex. It has NOTHING to do with education, enviorment, and family.

Yea lets keep thinking that. :rolleyes:

I went to a HS that accepted everyone, more or less. What I'm saying is based on stories I've heard from gay and lesbian friends. Most of them have lost friends and gained enemies when they came out after being assumed straight. And most of them wished they could have moved and started over.

Coming out straight from the get-go (no pun intended) is usually healthier, both mentally and physically. And any abuse should be reported to a counselor or teacher before it gets too bad, and they'll help deal with it.
Councillors/Counselor/........... do they really do anything?
Sounds like a trip to the NArk department.
When did people respect Narks?

Yea, your success is based on your sexual activity, religion, and sex. It has NOTHING to do with education, enviorment, and family.

Yea lets keep thinking that. :rolleyes:


You're unaware that on average, homosexuals attain more education and make more money in their lives than heterosexuals?

You're unaware that on average, homosexuals attain more education and make more money in their lives than heterosexuals?

Yes I am unaware. I am unaware because while I do not doubt they are true, its most likely faulty. TO claim that just because someone is gay, they'll have better chance of success. Thats like saying just because someone is black, he'll join a gang. Its like saying just because someone is asian, he'll be good at math. Its stupid, its ingorant, and its not TRUE equality.

Bully Basher
Grandpa is on his death bed and tells his grandson to come closer then goes on to fondle the young lad. :(

It might be a true story-The Authour is Gay.


Oh. That's delightful.

Yes I am unaware. I am unaware because while I do not doubt they are true, its most likely faulty. TO claim that just because someone is gay, they'll have better chance of success. Thats like saying just because someone is black, he'll join a gang. Its like saying just because someone is asian, he'll be good at math. Its stupid, its ingorant, and its not TRUE equality.


I dont remember asserting anything but the fact that demographically, a homosexual has a greater likelihood of success in life than a heterosexual.

The only thing I'd add is something that hasn't been particularly addressed - namely the question on how sure can he be at the age of 16 that he is gay?

He might be gay, he might be bi or he could even be straight and just really confused.

Regardless of which of these three possibilities is the correct one, it won't harm his sexuality to believe that he is gay. It might harm his reputation, friendships or if he is really unlucky his health... but not his sexuality. If he is gay, then he is gay. If he is bi then perhaps he simply thinks he is gay because he is attracted to men (despite also having an attraction to women). If he is straight but really confused, then he'll realise this on his own eventually (perhaps after he attempts to consumate a gay relationship).

There is nothing, at least nothing that I'm aware of, that can take a straight person and suddenly "make" them gay - if you're worried about that at all.

If you really want to make a difference to the kid, talk to him in the open way that you posted here to us. Ask him what makes him so sure he is gay, let him define it for himself. Acknowledging that you're gay doesn't mean that he has actually been involved in a sexual relationship - I certainly knew I was straight before I had sex for the first time.

I don't think Minnesota has a large gay community........

Minneapolis does. Perhaps you, or he could go online and look up PFLAG or some other national group that supports gay people and their families. If you can contact someone near where he is moving, it might be nice to get more information, meet someone in the area that can advise him, or find out where he can go to talk and meet people in the gay community.

(Boy, it was difficult typing that, since many of the expressions I tend to use sound awfully punnish when taken in this context...)

The only thing I'd add is something that hasn't been particularly addressed - namely the question on how sure can he be at the age of 16 that he is gay?

He might be gay, he might be bi or he could even be straight and just really confused.

Regardless of which of these three possibilities is the correct one, it won't harm his sexuality to believe that he is gay. It might harm his reputation, friendships or if he is really unlucky his health... but not his sexuality. If he is gay, then he is gay. If he is bi then perhaps he simply thinks he is gay because he is attracted to men (despite also having an attraction to women). If he is straight but really confused, then he'll realise this on his own eventually (perhaps after he attempts to consumate a gay relationship).

There is nothing, at least nothing that I'm aware of, that can take a straight person and suddenly "make" them gay - if you're worried about that at all.

If you really want to make a difference to the kid, talk to him in the open way that you posted here to us. Ask him what makes him so sure he is gay, let him define it for himself. Acknowledging that you're gay doesn't mean that he has actually been involved in a sexual relationship - I certainly knew I was straight before I had sex for the first time.


This has some validity.

When I was 16, I was significantly more bisexual than I am now.
Come to think of it, my attraction to other males has almost all but left me.

This has some validity.

When I was 16, I was significantly more bisexual than I am now.
Come to think of it, my attraction to other males has almost all but left me.

More evidence to the theory that sexuality changes over time, or at least preferences do.

More evidence to the theory that sexuality changes over time, or at least preferences do.


I dont mean to imply that my case should be taken as indicative of others, just relating my experience.

The only thing I'd add is something that hasn't been particularly addressed - namely the question on how sure can he be at the age of 16 that he is gay?

He might be gay, he might be bi or he could even be straight and just really confused.

Regardless of which of these three possibilities is the correct one, it won't harm his sexuality to believe that he is gay. It might harm his reputation, friendships or if he is really unlucky his health... but not his sexuality. If he is gay, then he is gay. If he is bi then perhaps he simply thinks he is gay because he is attracted to men (despite also having an attraction to women). If he is straight but really confused, then he'll realise this on his own eventually (perhaps after he attempts to consumate a gay relationship).

There is nothing, at least nothing that I'm aware of, that can take a straight person and suddenly "make" them gay - if you're worried about that at all.

If you really want to make a difference to the kid, talk to him in the open way that you posted here to us. Ask him what makes him so sure he is gay, let him define it for himself. Acknowledging that you're gay doesn't mean that he has actually been involved in a sexual relationship - I certainly knew I was straight before I had sex for the first time.I've considered all you bring up here. I'm pretty sure he hasn't had a sexual relationship, he had a girlfriend for a number of years but it was a plutonic relationship, I think when she attempted to advance it beyond that is when he realized his orientation.

One thing that troubles me is he's apparently met someone online. They've had an online relationship for a while. This person is 19, and my nephew is still a minor. I guess that's what bothers me, not the orientation of their relationship but the age difference. But his mother has communicated with this person and this persons parents and she's OK with it, so who am I to object....

Actually his mother probably has been aware longer than anyone and she's OK with it. His father on the other hand........Lets just say he's not tickled about how his only son turned out.
Since we live in California, it's not an unknown or as big a negative as other locations, I'm worried more about where he's moving to. I don't think Minnesota has a large gay community........

Actually Minneapolis is one of the most gay friendly cities in the country. You can actually walk down the street holding hands without having to carry cold steel.

They're probably better people than their detractors.

Certainly more likely to succeed in both education and professional life.

More tolerant, more intellectual.
All hail the uber gays! What a load. Gays are superior to straights now? Have some evidence for this spurious claim?

One thing that troubles me is he's apparently met someone online. They've had an online relationship for a while. This person is 19, and my nephew is still a minor. I guess that's what bothers me, not the orientation of their relationship but the age difference. But his mother has communicated with this person and this persons parents and she's OK with it, so who am I to object....

How does the law view it? In a hetero relationship, a minor dating an adult is not against the law but sexual contact is. I don't see the problem with a 3 year difference in age, but the law says otherwise, and despite my beliefs, I must respect the law.

If you trust your sis's judgement on this one and she says it's okay, then it's okay. There is nothing wrong with you mentioning your unease - she might be able to set your mind at rest.

How does the law view it? In a hetero relationship, a minor dating an adult is not against the law but sexual contact is. I don't see the problem with a 3 year difference in age, but the law says otherwise, and despite my beliefs, I must respect the law.

If you trust your sis's judgement on this one and she says it's okay, then it's okay. There is nothing wrong with you mentioning your unease - she might be able to set your mind at rest.Well you may have hit on the source of my uneasiness, I don't trust my ex sister in laws judgement all that much. We're talkin a woman who decided she needed breast augumentation at 36 despite having a dozen things in her life I would have considered more important to spend 5 grand on. But they do the web cam thing all the time and at least he can say for sure it's not some 45 year old setting him up....

Well you may have hit on the source of my uneasiness, I don't trust my ex sister in laws judgement all that much. We're talkin a woman who decided she needed breast augumentation at 36 despite having a dozen things in her life I would have considered more important to spend 5 grand on. But they do the web cam thing all the time and at least he can say for sure it's not some 45 year old setting him up....

As a general rule I am opposed to meeting people online for an offline relationship. However, there are cases where it can work. He has to be careful though--meet in public, bring a friend or trusted adult, etc., etc. Basically the same rules apply as when a teen meets any stranger. If you can find a common person who knows both of you, its much better.

Well you may have hit on the source of my uneasiness, I don't trust my ex sister in laws judgement all that much. We're talkin a woman who decided she needed breast augumentation at 36 despite having a dozen things in her life I would have considered more important to spend 5 grand on. But they do the web cam thing all the time and at least he can say for sure it's not some 45 year old setting him up....

Setting aside the genders for a moment... if he was interested in some 19yr old girl would you be uneasy?

If he was a neice instead of a nephew and was interested in a 19yr old guy, would you be uneasy?

You can't control who you love but you can certainly exercise some amount of caution. I'm not a particular fan of people at that age dating or being in a relationship much outside of their own age bracket. I wouldn't stop it but I would definitely take the time to explain my concerns and I'd also ask them to avoid a sexual relationship (while also acknowledging that I couldn't really stop them).

Having said that, my best friend's partner is about 6 or so years younger than him. He met her when she was 18 (he was about 24 at the time) and they've been together in a loving relationship for the last 6 years...

My only real advice is again to talk openly with him, express your concerns & fears and mostly importantly explain WHY you have those concerns and fears. Keeping an open dialogue between the two of you will probably be one of the most important things you could ever do for him.

I think it is admirable that he came out at 16, and equally admirable that you are asking for advice and not responding out of fear and without thought. You must be a great guy to have as an uncle.

I don't think it is going to be in any way helpful to start with the "are you sure you're really gay" questions, you would have to be pretty certain before you came out to your family. The most important thing is to accept what he says, and continue to love and support him. As far as sex is concerned, we all thought "it will not happen to me" when we were teenagers so we didn't worry too much about diseases. Make sure he always plays safe. If you impress nothing else on him, please PLEASE drum it into his head that he has to use condoms. Always. Nobody ever thinks his boyfriend is cheating on him until he finds out he is. Pass him a box of condoms on the sly when you see him. Law or not, nobody ever waited until it was legal to fall in love.

And regarding his cousin possibly being gay, this is no reason to "worry about the little guy". It isn't a disease. They call it "gay" because we are happy people (as long as we have the acceptance and love of friends and family).

I think it is admirable that he came out at 16, and equally admirable that you are asking for advice and not responding out of fear and without thought. You must be a great guy to have as an uncle.

I don't think it is going to be in any way helpful to start with the "are you sure you're really gay" questions, you would have to be pretty certain before you came out to your family. The most important thing is to accept what he says, and continue to love and support him. As far as sex is concerned, we all thought "it will not happen to me" when we were teenagers so we didn't worry too much about diseases. Make sure he always plays safe. If you impress nothing else on him, please PLEASE drum it into his head that he has to use condoms. Always. Nobody ever thinks his boyfriend is cheating on him until he finds out he is. Pass him a box of condoms on the sly when you see him. Law or not, nobody ever waited until it was legal to fall in love.

And regarding his cousin possibly being gay, this is no reason to "worry about the little guy". It isn't a disease. They call it "gay" because we are happy people (as long as we have the acceptance and love of friends and family).

I certainly wouldn't start with "Are you really gay?"... however if that is a burning question in Trolling's mind then he is within his rights to ask it, although I'd aim for a more tactful approach.

Set the grounds for your curiosity, state that you simply don't understand and want to learn more about it. Let him know that you're not looking for a way to "convert" him back to being straight or to criticise him for it or whatever.

I frequently seek to ask dumb white/straight/male questions of the appropriate areas of my curiosity. I ask them simply out of the desire to understand and from understanding to have greater knowledge.

Yeah... sounds a bit wankery I know, it is the truth though.

And regarding his cousin possibly being gay, this is no reason to "worry about the little guy". It isn't a disease. They call it "gay" because we are happy people (as long as we have the acceptance and love of friends and family).The worry I have for the three year old is not so much that he might be gay, but rather what kind of hell he'd be in for if he was.

His father is one of those who I'm sure would be packing his kid off to a re-education center at the first hint of homosexual tendancies. If you look up "homophobe" in the dictionary, I'm pretty sure you'll find his picture.

He's also one of the few members of the family not in on the 16 year olds secret yet.

All hail the uber gays! What a load. Gays are superior to straights now? Have some evidence for this spurious claim?

Actually there is some truth to this. The brains of homosexual males are believed to be more efficient and share the traits of both sexes. Average males tend to compartmentalize their thinking process whereas females are more adept at multitasking and using each hemisphere simultaneously.

Actually his mother probably has been aware longer than anyone and she's OK with it. His father on the other hand........Lets just say he's not tickled about how his only son turned out.
........
Im an only son.
Pretty much last of a line.
Its up to me to continue the name in this country. :eek:

How does the law view it? In a hetero relationship, a minor dating an adult is not against the law but sexual contact is. I don't see the problem with a 3 year difference in age, but the law says otherwise, and despite my beliefs, I must respect the law.

If you trust your sis's judgement on this one and she says it's okay, then it's okay. There is nothing wrong with you mentioning your unease - she might be able to set your mind at rest.
Are you taking the piss out of Micheal JAckson?
Ive heard a similar story with this boy whos accusing him of fiddling.
Of course there ae some differences.

I think it is admirable that he came out at 16, and equally admirable that you are asking for advice and not responding out of fear and without thought. You must be a great guy to have as an uncle.

I don't think it is going to be in any way helpful to start with the "are you sure you're really gay" questions, you would have to be pretty certain before you came out to your family. The most important thing is to accept what he says, and continue to love and support him. As far as sex is concerned, we all thought "it will not happen to me" when we were teenagers so we didn't worry too much about diseases. Make sure he always plays safe. If you impress nothing else on him, please PLEASE drum it into his head that he has to use condoms. Always. Nobody ever thinks his boyfriend is cheating on him until he finds out he is. Pass him a box of condoms on the sly when you see him. Law or not, nobody ever waited until it was legal to fall in love.

And regarding his cousin possibly being gay, this is no reason to "worry about the little guy". It isn't a disease. They call it "gay" because we are happy people (as long as we have the acceptance and love of friends and family).

Completely agree :) I was much more bi when I was 16 than I am now, but I never considered myself a lesbian. I think he is probably rather sure that he's gay, and your doubting it will only make him feel that it is somehow a bad thing. He has shown a lot of trust and made himself very vulnerable by coming out, and he deserves only support. :)

Completely agree :) I was much more bi when I was 16 than I am now, but I never considered myself a lesbian. I think he is probably rather sure that he's gay, and your doubting it will only make him feel that it is somehow a bad thing. He has shown a lot of trust and made himself very vulnerable by coming out, and he deserves only support. :)

I had a great post that I wanted made here, but for some reason the forum wouldn't take it. Sad, because it many ways it was my magnum opus. Such is life.

But that aside, I have to agree with the above poster and the person she responded to. Just give him love and support and do whatever you are comfortable doing and try to become more comfortable to what he needs you to do. I really don't think that's a problem though--as a previous poster said, you seem like a pretty cool guy to have as an uncle. My parents and sister are pretty fabulous, but I could use some uncles like you.