NationStates Jolt Archive

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

11. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways make
you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

18. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

22. You have enough clothes.

23. You have too many shoes.

24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

I have the New Zealand-ised (or at least not americanised) version of that somewhere around :D

hehe...

Rule #1 should be:

You never mess with a man's car.


Of course that's not necessarily a male to female rule, it's just the big rule for guys in general.

I have the New Zealand-ised (or at least not americanised) version of that somewhere around :D

You mean the sheep can read it? :eek: :D

Rule #1 should be:

You never mess with a man's car.


Of course that's not necessarily a male to female rule, it's just the big rule for guys in general.
Or to paraphrase an infamous redneck saying: "My wife, definitely. My dog, maybe. My pickup truck, never!" :D

You mean the sheep can read it? :eek: :D
Ut oh! [ hides ]

You mean the sheep can read it? :eek: :D

:p

Now that I've looked at it, they're not all that different. The version I have is a combination off all of those lists that I've seen:


1.. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up,put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You
don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2.. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. Just get your arse down to the gym.

3.. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is
always more attractive than short hair. It causes
unnecessary arguments when we dare to comment on
it.

4.. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are
not quests to see if we can find the perfect
present yet again! - Valentines no longer counts
when you're married.

5.. If you ask a question you don't want an
answer to, expect an answer you don't want to
hear. (really really listen to this one)

6.. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live
with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about
unless you are prepared to discuss such topics
as navel lint, Rugby Lineouts, or 4WD trucks.

7.. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

8.. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never
going to think of it that way.

9.. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine. Really.

10.. You have enough clothes. You have too many
shoes.

11.. Crying is blackmail.

12.. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on
this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints
don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just
say it!

13.. No, we don't know what day it is. We never
will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

14.. Peeing standing up is more difficult than
peeing from point blank range. We're bound to
miss sometimes.

15.. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing
which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
that particular dress?

16.. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every question.

17.. Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is
what your girlfriends are for.

18.. A headache that lasts for more than a month
is a problem. See a doctor.

19.. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
(Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it
doesn't really matter what the hell they're
saying
anyway...)

20.. Check your oil. It is an essential part of
car maintenance.

21.. Your mum doesn't have to be our best friend.

22.. It is neither in your best interest nor ours
to take a quiz together. No, it doesn't matter
which quiz.

23.. Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. All comments become
null and void after 7 days.

24.. If something we said can be interpreted two
ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.

25.. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway;
it's genetic.

26.. You can either tell us to do something OR
tell us how to do something but not both.

27.. It's not the dress that makes you look fat.
It's all that bloody chocolate you eat!!!.

28.. Whenever possible, please say whatever you
have to say during commercials.

29.. ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach is a
fruit, not a colour.

30.. If it itches, it will be scratched.

31.. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are
for you.

32.. If we ask what's wrong and you say nothing,
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're
lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

33.. When we are in bed and look tired, this
means that we are tired. It most definitely does
not mean that we want to discuss the
relationship.

34.. If you want some dessert after a meal - have
some. You don't HAVE to finish it. You can just
taste it if you like. But don't say "No, I
couldn't/ shouldn't / don't want any" and then
eat half of mine.

35.. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.

36.. If you're on a diet. it doesn't mean that my
meals should be rabbit food as well.

37.. A man's four essential food groups are:
White meat, Red meat, Potatoes and Cold Beer.
Please ensure that all meals contain a good
balance of the above in acceptable quantities -
everything else falls under the category
'garnish'

38.. NEVER question our sense of direction.

39.. If you can learn all of the above, then man
and woman can co-exist on a level based on love
and mutual respect.

LOL too funny

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

11. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways make
you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

18. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

22. You have enough clothes.

23. You have too many shoes.

24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Very good! especially #25. LMAO!!!

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.
I just expect the cover and everything to be down... nobody wants to look at an open toilet!

2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.
I have my Sunday sports - The New York Times' Week in Review. Yay, politics!

3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.
You're right, it's not a sport. But it can be good exercise (particularly when you live in the city!), and it's awfully fun. :D

4. Crying is blackmail.
Agreed - when it's done on purpose. I can't cry on command, and I've never particularly wanted to.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Yup, I learned this one the hard way. But once you learn it, you never forget! (Whoa - asking really does work! Who'da thunk?)

6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Yes... and No.

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Okay, I'll agree to that stipulation - if the guy doesn't expect ME to sympathize either.

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Oh dear - I pity you! :p

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.
As in question 7 - as long as both parties agree to this, fine with me.

10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.
Um, and if I do dress like the Victoria's Secret girls? Don't promise what you won't deliver!

11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
I've never asked a guy if I'm fat. And my boyfriend just confirmed that fact.

12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways make you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
As in my responses to 7 and 9 - as long as this rule goes both ways, fine with me.

13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
I think I've learned this one. Maybe.

14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
To my boyfriend: Are you reading this? Huh?!
To Eutrusca: Good rule.

15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
If by "need" you mean the way you need air, then yes, you might be right. ;)

16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.
Hey Peeches - what do you think of this?
And Eutrusca - what are the 16 colors? Where does skin color fall in? (PS - Are you saying computers are more evolved than you? Because my Windows default setting is well over 16 colors!)

17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
Fine with me. I'm just a little concerned if your crotch itches a lot - and may not want to have sex with you.

18. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Agreed. So don't bug me when I say "nothing," okay? I either don't want to talk about it, don't really know what's wrong, or actually think that nothing is wrong.

19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.
Fair enough.

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.
To your mom's, even? I thought not.

21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Good to know.

22. You have enough clothes.
Yeah, but you probably have enough money, too! Doesn't mean you don't want more. ;)

23. You have too many shoes.
Sez who?!?

24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
I have nothing to say to this - except that heart is a shape too, but that doesn't mean I want my boyfriend to have a cloven head.

25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Enjoy camping forever, then! I quite like having a bed to myself. :D

haha :p

Rule #1 should be:

You never mess with a man's car.


Of course that's not necessarily a male to female rule, it's just the big rule for guys in general.

That's a discussion dh and I have from time to time. You know those TV shows where they take your car, detail it, soup up the engine and add killer electronics? Hubby says that if anyone ever touches his car, for any reason, without his permission, he will be pissed. If anyone is going to "overhaul" his vehicle, he must have input on all changes, because no one knows his car like he does.

From my POV, if I havea car that I really like - no, I wouldn't want anyone to mess with it. If I drive a POS car (which I do), just about anything you do to it (at no cost to me) will be greatly appreciated, because I won't stick money into a '91 Honda, but just about anything anyone does to it would be an improvement.

Now, conversely, when I got my POS car (excellent deal from a friend, and since I hardly drive, very worth it), hubby has taken it upon himself to add things to his liking, but he never drives my car! I bought a fuzzy steering wheel cover, because it wanted something goofy and it keeps my hands warm in the winter, and cool in the summer. He banned it from MY car, saying it was stupid. He took out a perfectly good stereo and put in one of his used ones (in which the tape player didn't work) because he liked the brand better. He installed wiring for a radar detector. I have no idea how to use a radar detector and I just don't speed, so I don't need one.

In the meantime, my car is covered in rust, the taillight housing leaks, so water gets in and my brake lights stop working, and the interior dome light needs rewiring. Why couldn't he do something about THOSE things instead.

BTW, I love this list and agree with MOST of it (actually more than I agree with any list of women's rules).

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.


Actually I don't think I do know those! Does anyone have a link?

Actually I don't think I do know those! Does anyone have a link?

Here are more Men's Rules for Women: http://www.yodaddy.com/rules.htm

Women's rules for men: one version:
http://www.laughnet.net/archive/gender/mensrule.htm

I'd like to add a rule.... don't dish it out if you can't take it.

That goes for men and women.

That's a discussion dh and I have from time to time. You know those TV shows where they take your car, detail it, soup up the engine and add killer electronics? Hubby says that if anyone ever touches his car, for any reason, without his permission, he will be pissed. If anyone is going to "overhaul" his vehicle, he must have input on all changes, because no one knows his car like he does.

Emphasis in bold.

It's kind of emmasculating in a sense to have someone tell you that your car is a POS in it's current form (which you, the male have been in command of for however long) and that it absolutely must be made better. It's also the engineer in me that says "if it's not broke, don't fix it" but then there's "Wow, I wonder how many things I can rig into the wiring before the fuses pop" but that's another topic altogether. Well, the engineer way of thinking is that "if someone's going to jack up this car, it's going to be me, not someone else"

That's pretty applicable to guys in general, even if not all of us have the cognitive capacity to be engineers ;)

Now as for your car, that's kind of backwards of him. Whenever my girlfriend's car breaks, it's my own personal jihad to make sure that whatever is broken gets fixed.

Here are more Men's Rules for Women: http://www.yodaddy.com/rules.htm

Women's rules for men: one version:
http://www.laughnet.net/archive/gender/mensrule.htm

Cheers!

I've never met a man who didn't like poking fires with a stick, preferably with a beer in one hand. I wish I had a beer, and I fire to poke with a stick!!!

There is better ones i've seen on the net but i cant find them right now

http://www.lotsofjokes.com/cat_393.htm

There is better ones i've seen on the net but i cant find them right now

http://www.lotsofjokes.com/cat_393.htm

http://www.tealdragon.net/humor/rules/4women.htm

http://home.online.no/~warnckew/jokes/women-rules.html

http://www.jamesshuggins.com/h/hum1/rules_for_women.htm

http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/6174/w_rul_m.htm

http://www.demnos.com/quotes/whatmenwant.htm

http://groups.msn.com/supersize/womensrules.msnw

http://www.bezem.com/chistes/ch_womenrules.htm

http://www.qis.net/~jimjr/wom17.htm

http://www.robertwade.com/funnies/womensrules.shtml

http://www.tasgreetings.com/womansrulz.htm

http://www.tasgreetings.com/Mensrulz.htm

http://wallofjokes.shacknet.nu/Men_Women/Women_Rules.html



NOTE: I have a search engine and I'm not afraid to use it! :p

NOTE: I have a search engine and I'm not afraid to use it! :p

I tried googling a few things, but I didn't get anything even vaguely close!!!

Now as for your car, that's kind of backwards of him. Whenever my girlfriend's car breaks, it's my own personal jihad to make sure that whatever is broken gets fixed.

Ever since I got the car and there were teeny, tiny rust spots on it, he has commented that it would be really easy to get rid of the rust, so I asked him to show me how. He never has. Last year I took a class and learned welding and machining. I REALLY love making sparks! I told him my next class was going to be auto body, because I think it would be fun, and then I could fix my rust spots.

So, a month ago, totally out of the blue, he says "You know, I could probably teach you how to fix those rust spots, if you're interested", just as if we had never discussed it before!

Anyway, I think he finally got the message about trying to personalize my car to his tastes. I told him that the next thing he added without my permission meant that I had the right to make seat covers embroidered with roses and permanently attach them to his car seats. ;)

I tried googling a few things, but I didn't get anything even vaguely close!!!

I love using Dogpile. I have tried Google and Dogpile still beats it.

Okay, I am going to shut up now. I didn't mean to hijack this topic. Sorry...

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways make
you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

18. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.



I'm a girl and those 2 are comforting :) i hate it when people bug me about what's wrong

I have the New Zealand-ised (or at least not americanised) version of that somewhere around :D

And I have the French version (http://v.tomeno2.free.fr/blagues/manifeste.htm), for those of you who speak French.

Aren't they all supposed to be rule #1 ?

Some rules i 'uploaded' to my missus:

1. I go out with my mates. Me. U can go out with your own mates. I have no intention of tagging along with your lot so leave me alone with mine. Im pretty sure you don't want to sit around various boozers talking about tits & arse. (exception to rule: Couples Nights)

2. Don't ring me between 8.0pm and 10.00 tuesday nights as this is Stargate time. (in season only)

3. Please give me sensible suggestions....... 'Lady Poppy Doris' is not a suitable name for my pet scorpion.

4. Dvd's go back into the cases luv', not on the floor.

5. There is a fan in the bathroom for a reason.

6. I need at least 2hrs of Xbox time every other day.

7. If you're gonna (attempt) to drink that amount of guinness then yes it will be that colour.... you're not ill. Leave 10pints of the black stuff to the blokes.

8. It's a home cinema system darlin' and thus is supposed to be used loud.

9. Rammstein IS proper music.... thats why i own all their albums and go to see them in concert..... accept it.

10. Stop 'suggesting' that i stop getting tattoo work done! It's a work in progress that was completely mapped out before we met.

Don't get me wrong, im a puppy dog, who's so laid back it's unreal, but my missus can be somewhat..... :headbang:

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

11. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways make
you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

18. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

22. You have enough clothes.

23. You have too many shoes.

24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

*Applause*

Eutrusca, you screwed up. All of the lists that I've seen have the rules all listed as #1. There's a reason for this.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

11. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways make
you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

18. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

22. You have enough clothes.

23. You have too many shoes.

24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Very true!

I'm a guy, and I don't watch any sports. Ever.

I do have an additional rule, but it goes for everyone I know:

1. No one touches The Rifle except me.