NationStates Jolt Archive

So I suppose that after the story is told, those of you who read it will understand what I'm trying to say, and take my advice.

My dad's health has started a sharp decline in the past few weeks. Just a little background, he has been an alcoholic since the age of 16, and he has smoked weed since then as well. His organs are beginning to fail him. The doctors say he won't be around for much longer, and that next time he gets sick, will probably be the last time.

In the 19 years that I've been here, me and my father never really had a relationship, and now that mentally, he really isn't here much...it's too late for us to establish anything that could possibly work. I've always wondered what it was like to have a father that cared. One that played football with you; one that took you to baseball games; and one you could just talk to about life.

I suppose what I'm trying to get across is that if you really do get the chance to establish some sort of relationship with anyone, esp. your family, don't miss out on it. I missed out on having a relationship with my father, the only father that I'll ever have. I'll regret that for the rest of my life.

Bump, tag, and a listening ear.

I don't know exactly what you're going through, but my dad wasn't around much because he spent all his time working when I was growing up. My parents were divorced and I lived with my dad, so I basically raised myself in almost every way except for paying the bills. Fortunately, he's not working as much, and I'm moving to be closer to him and maybe we can have the kind of relationship we've never been able to have before.

Does this make you feel like your advice has been heeded? :cool:

So I suppose that after the story is told, those of you who read it will understand what I'm trying to say, and take my advice.

My dad's health has started a sharp decline in the past few weeks. Just a little background, he has been an alcoholic since the age of 16, and he has smoked weed since then as well. His organs are beginning to fail him. The doctors say he won't be around for much longer, and that next time he gets sick, will probably be the last time.

In the 19 years that I've been here, me and my father never really had a relationship, and now that mentally, he really isn't here much...it's too late for us to establish anything that could possibly work. I've always wondered what it was like to have a father that cared. One that played football with you; one that took you to baseball games; and one you could just talk to about life.

I suppose what I'm trying to get across is that if you really do get the chance to establish some sort of relationship with anyone, esp. your family, don't miss out on it. I missed out on having a relationship with my father, the only father that I'll ever have. I'll regret that for the rest of my life.
Which is pretty much what I was trying to tell "The Macabees" at http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=403524 post 19.

So I suppose that after the story is told, those of you who read it will understand what I'm trying to say, and take my advice.

My dad's health has started a sharp decline in the past few weeks. Just a little background, he has been an alcoholic since the age of 16, and he has smoked weed since then as well. His organs are beginning to fail him. The doctors say he won't be around for much longer, and that next time he gets sick, will probably be the last time.

In the 19 years that I've been here, me and my father never really had a relationship, and now that mentally, he really isn't here much...it's too late for us to establish anything that could possibly work. I've always wondered what it was like to have a father that cared. One that played football with you; one that took you to baseball games; and one you could just talk to about life.

I suppose what I'm trying to get across is that if you really do get the chance to establish some sort of relationship with anyone, esp. your family, don't miss out on it. I missed out on having a relationship with my father, the only father that I'll ever have. I'll regret that for the rest of my life.

First off, I would like to say that it is never too late and you should try and spend all of the time you can with him while he is around.

That being said, I posted the following in another thread but it also seems very appropriate for this one...

But I am a lucky one...

I get to spend quite a bit of time with my Father now, he is having some Major problems with his Heart and I try to see him several times a week, as well as on the weekends, to make up for "lost" time.

Spending the day Fishing with your Father can truly be a very fulfilling day, and you would be surprised at the things they can continue to teach you, as well as the things you may be able to teach them...

All it takes is an open mind and an open Heart.

Regards,
Gaar

I don't know exactly what you're going through, but my dad wasn't around much because he spent all his time working when I was growing up. My parents were divorced and I lived with my dad, so I basically raised myself in almost every way except for paying the bills. Fortunately, he's not working as much, and I'm moving to be closer to him and maybe we can have the kind of relationship we've never been able to have before.

Does this make you feel like your advice has been heeded? :cool:

I certainly hope all goes well with you and your dad. :)

First off, I would like to say that it is never too late and you should try and spend all of the time you can with him while he is around.

I suppose there is the satisfaction of spending a lot of time with him before he passes, but the thing is, his memory is fading fast, and he won't even remember anything. But me putting in the effort is probably the best thing to do. You're right. At least I'll be able to say that I tried my best.

That being said, I posted the following in another thread but it also seems very appropriate for this one...

But I am a lucky one...

I get to spend quite a bit of time with my Father now, he is having some Major problems with his Heart and I try to see him several times a week, as well as on the weekends, to make up for "lost" time.

Spending the day Fishing with your Father can truly be a very fulfilling day, and you would be surprised at the things they can continue to teach you, as well as the things you may be able to teach them...

All it takes is an open mind and an open Heart.

Regards,
Gaar

Fishing is actually a good idea. My dad loves fishing. ^_^
Thanks for the advice. :)

So I suppose that after the story is told, those of you who read it will understand what I'm trying to say, and take my advice.

My dad's health has started a sharp decline in the past few weeks. Just a little background, he has been an alcoholic since the age of 16, and he has smoked weed since then as well. His organs are beginning to fail him. The doctors say he won't be around for much longer, and that next time he gets sick, will probably be the last time.

In the 19 years that I've been here, me and my father never really had a relationship, and now that mentally, he really isn't here much...it's too late for us to establish anything that could possibly work. I've always wondered what it was like to have a father that cared. One that played football with you; one that took you to baseball games; and one you could just talk to about life.

I suppose what I'm trying to get across is that if you really do get the chance to establish some sort of relationship with anyone, esp. your family, don't miss out on it. I missed out on having a relationship with my father, the only father that I'll ever have. I'll regret that for the rest of my life.

That made me really sad. *hugs*
I've been having problems with my parents for a while, due to culture clash I guess. I hope eventually they just accept who I am and realise that they can't make every decision for me. I want them in my life, I just can't live FOR the, you know?

*sigh*

Euroslavia, I'm sorry this is happening and you never got a chance to have a relationship with your father. I understand your reason for posting is to let others know not to miss out on the opportunity to form a close relationship with loved ones, but I am going to address something to you, too.

I don't know what you are going through. While my parents and I aren't close, we do get along and I have had good moments with both of them, so this is just my thoughts for you.

First of all, take time to grieve for the dad you never had and the loss of the one you do (did) have. (Does that make any sense?) Grieving takes time, and although your dad is still around, there is nothing wrong with trying to come to terms with what you missed out on.

Secondly, value your dad for what he was. That's hard to do in a situation like yours, but at least give him credit for giving you life and being around. Some people don't even have that. Your father also gave you something else very valuable, and that is an example of what not to do as a parent and an adult. I'm sure his addictions have colored your view of alcohol use and drug use. As far as what not to do as a parent, perhaps if your dad had been there for you at all times, you might have taken it for granted. By knowing what it's like to miss out, you are more likely to put more effort into being a good parent someday.

Thirdly, use this as a time to think about all the people in your life who mean something to you and have been there for you. No one can make up for the lack of an involved father, but if you think about it, I'll bet you can name people who helped you out along the way. Think about that and feel fortunate.

I hope this doesn't sound too Pollyannish. If I could, I would ensure that all children have a good childhood, but unfortunately, that is not in my power, nor seemingly, the power of anyone else. But a lot of people who face adversity as a child come out much stronger because of it. I hope that is so in your case. I am a firm believer that the tough times make us who we are and without them, we would be very boring people.

Hope that helped just a little bit...

Wow...actually that did help a lot. I never really thought things through in the ways that you suggest I should.

It's kind of sad, but I've already prepared myself for his death. I started a long time ago, maybe too early, but I am ready for it.

My dad has been there a few times, and those times have proven to be some of the best that I've ever had, that's for sure. They'll be in my mind forever.

My mom really has tried her hardest to make up for everything that I've missed, and I respect her for that...more than she'll ever know.

Again, thank you for your advice. It means a lot to me that you took all that time out just to help me out. :)

I didn't have much a relationship with my father either. First it was his drinking and then it was my doping and drinking. Later after I quit my doping and got married and had kids it was pretty good. You can't go back and regain the time that was lost, but you do the best you can with what time you have now.

For whatever reason your dad couldn't have a relationship. I think he was scared. Scared of the world and how cruel it can be. Go spend sometime with your dad. Hearing is the last sense to leave a person. Talk to him if you can.

I feel for you bro. It hurts. You can get through it all.

ps. Your dad did care the dope and boose kept him from showing it.

That made me really sad. *hugs*
I've been having problems with my parents for a while, due to culture clash I guess. I hope eventually they just accept who I am and realise that they can't make every decision for me. I want them in my life, I just can't live FOR the, you know?

*sigh*

Aww... I'm sorry it made you sad...
Yea, I'm having a culture clash with both of my parents as well because they wont accept me for who I am. It's just not fun... They need to realize that this is my life, and I need to make my own mistakes.
We should talk more often!

I have a very strong relationship with my family. So, while I sympathize with those who have serious family problems, I find it difficult to identify with them. I did have a grandfather, though, whose mind slowly deteriorated over time.

I don't know what creed you follow, Euroslavia, or even if you follow any creed, but may God be with you.

Dear Lord, I pray this evening for Euroslavias family. Bestow the peace of Your Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, upon them and guide them through this difficult time. Should Euroslavias father pass from this world, comfort those hearts that mourn in sorrow and grant that he may sleep in Christ and awaken to Your eternal glory, for you are God, forever and ever. Amen.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

I have a very strong relationship with my family. So, while I sympathize with those who have serious family problems, I find it difficult to identify with them. I did have a grandfather, though, whose mind slowly deteriorated over time.

I don't know what creed you follow, Euroslavia, or even if you follow any creed, but may God be with you.

Dear Lord, I pray this evening for Euroslavias family. Bestow the peace of Your Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, upon them and guide them through this difficult time. Should Euroslavias father pass from this world, comfort those hearts that mourn in sorrow and grant that he may sleep in Christ and awaken to Your eternal glory, for you are God, forever and ever. Amen.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

You have no idea how happy that made me feel, Cog. Thank you so much for your concern. :) I am Lutheran, and this prayer is definitely something I'll remember. Thanks again!

My father's been an alcoholic all his life (he's 71 now), and he's got cardiomyopathy as a result (and other major problems).

I tried my whole life to have a relationship with him. Hard.

But, as I later came to realize, my father died the first time he took that bottle instead of me. So, in a real sense, there's been some zombie that looks like my father hanging around since I was age six.

It's fucking hard to take.

I wish I had the words to describe the frustrated sadness I feel for you. I shared your post with my father, over lunch. He said to tell you that if ever you get up to Montreal, he'd be honored to take you out to a hockey game and a hot dog or two. Your post, and his words, help me to realize again how blessed I am to have a man like my Dad.

I don't do it often, but tonight, my prayers will be with you.

I have a very strong relationship with my family. So, while I sympathize with those who have serious family problems, I find it difficult to identify with them. I did have a grandfather, though, whose mind slowly deteriorated over time.

I don't know what creed you follow, Euroslavia, or even if you follow any creed, but may God be with you.

Dear Lord, I pray this evening for Euroslavias family. Bestow the peace of Your Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, upon them and guide them through this difficult time. Should Euroslavias father pass from this world, comfort those hearts that mourn in sorrow and grant that he may sleep in Christ and awaken to Your eternal glory, for you are God, forever and ever. Amen.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."
Just 'cause you're a good person, Cog: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

I wish I had the words to describe the frustrated sadness I feel for you. I shared your post with my father, over lunch. He said to tell you that if ever you get up to Montreal, he'd be honored to take you out to a hockey game and a hot dog or two. Your post, and his words, help me to realize again how blessed I am to have a man like my Dad.
Yes, you do. Have you told him that? It would make him so proud and happy if you did. :)

I wish I had the words to describe the frustrated sadness I feel for you. I shared your post with my father, over lunch. He said to tell you that if ever you get up to Montreal, he'd be honored to take you out to a hockey game and a hot dog or two. Your post, and his words, help me to realize again how blessed I am to have a man like my Dad.

I don't do it often, but tonight, my prayers will be with you.

I may have to take you up on that offer. I've always wanted to go to Montreal, and it isn't too far away. (Im just north of Detroit, MI) Thank you for your concern though, it really does make me feel a little better knowing that I have people who support me.

Something I've always wanted was a close family, me, my dad, and my brother going to a hockey game or something. We've never done that, and probably never will, but it's always been in the back of my mind.

Yes, you do. Have you told him that? It would make him so proud and happy if you did. :)

Every chance I get. Never had the chance to with my Mom, so I make up it for it by making sure my Dad will always know.

My father's been an alcoholic all his life (he's 71 now), and he's got cardiomyopathy as a result (and other major problems).

I tried my whole life to have a relationship with him. Hard.

But, as I later came to realize, my father died the first time he took that bottle instead of me. So, in a real sense, there's been some zombie that looks like my father hanging around since I was age six.

It's fucking hard to take.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

Does he still drink?

I can sympathize here, my Father (he is 73 now) was the same way, but had to quit drinking about a decade or so ago...

We have been re-building our Relationship ever since then, and I thank God every day that he has given me this opportunity.

Regards,
Gaar

Every chance I get. Never had the chance to with my Mom, so I make up it for it by making sure my Dad will always know.
Yayyyy! Good for you! :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

I may have to take you up on that offer. I've always wanted to go to Montreal, and it isn't too far away. (Im just north of Detroit, MI) Thank you for your concern though, it really does make me feel a little better knowing that I have people who support me.

Something I've always wanted was a close family, me, my dad, and my brother going to a hockey game or something. We've never done that, and probably never will, but it's always been in the back of my mind.
My suggestion? Tell him ... soon! And let your feelings show through ... cry if you want, be wistful, be a bit angry ... just share what your true feelings are, kinda like you did on the phone when you were so upset at him.

I don't want a relationship with my father.

You have no idea how happy that made me feel, Cog. Thank you so much for your concern. :) I am Lutheran, and this prayer is definitely something I'll remember. Thanks again!
I'm Catholic, myself. Nevertheless, may the peace of Christ be always with you.

Just 'cause you're a good person, Cog: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:
If this topic weren't so somber, I'd crack a joke about not wanting to make out.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

My suggestion? Tell him ... soon! And let your feelings show through ... cry if you want, be wistful, be a bit angry ... just share what your true feelings are, kinda like you did on the phone when you were so upset at him.


I think you have me and The Macabees confused. He called his dad and said that stuff.

But you're right, I need to tell him how I feel before its too late.

I'm Catholic, myself. Nevertheless, may the peace of Christ be always with you.


If this topic weren't so somber, I'd crack a joke about not wanting to make out.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

Feel free, I need a good laugh. ^_^