NationStates Jolt Archive

Friday $100 went missing from my wallet, now I have the choice of paying rent or eating. This isn't the first time money has mysteriously disappeared. Last week $50 went, just vanished and over the last few years both my partner and I have noticed money just vanish from our wallets unaccounted for.

On Friday I counted my cash after withdrawing my pay, I did not leave the house, nor did my partner but we had a friend over. This individual was fired from his last job for stealing. He now has a new job which earns him almost twice what my partner and I earn combined. Every time money has gone missing he has been about, quite often he has been the only one about. I can see no other way to account for the missing money then him taking it, but I have no actual proof. Plus I say to myself, "Why would he take it, he earns more than us and knows we struggle?"

So what should I do? Should I call him out? Should I try and catch him in the act? Or do I have to lock away my stuff in my own house? Poll will be up soon.

You should tell him that you know what he's doing, that he needs to stop, and to give the money back.

I've had friends who've stolen things, but they're still good people. It's not like you have to "divorce" them.

If it's something silly and pathetic, I humorously call them out.

If it's something serious, though

Get my other friends with ethics together and beat the shit out of the punk.

Cut him out of your life for a while. If the money continues to go missing then you are probably dating a drug addict.

(And apologize to him profusely, if he is a decent person he will understand).

If no more money goes missing, then he is a douche nozzle, and you don't want to know him anyway.

Cut him out of your life for a while. If the money continues to go missing then you are probably dating a drug addict.

(And apologize to him profusely, if he is a decent person he will understand).

If no more money goes missing, then he is a douche nozzle, and you don't want to know him anyway.

But money has gone missing from my partner too, plus I hope I'd know after 3 years if I was dating an addict.

If you don't know for sure that it's him, the only thing to do is confront him. You'll never know unless you ask.

So what should I do? ?.
Post his phone number so we can prank call him all night. Or better yet post his address so everybody can send him magazine subscriptions he doesn't want (preferrably gay porn) checking the "bill me later box".

Why is there no fill his house with shaving cream and oranges option?

I say guilt trip/call him out/kill him/whatever

If you don't know for sure that it's him, the only thing to do is confront him. You'll never know unless you ask.

But what would I do if he denied it? He denied stealing from his last job until they showed him the security footage...

Post his phone number so we can prank call him all night. Or better yet post his address so everybody can send him magazine subscriptions he doesn't want (preferrably gay porn) checking the "bill me later box".


BRILLIANT! Cruel, but fucking brilliant.

Post his phone number so we can prank call him all night. Or better yet post his address so everybody can send him magazine subscriptions he doesn't want (preferrably gay porn) checking the "bill me later box".

Umm, he is gay so the gay porn thing, not so good an idea. Dwarfs having sex with middle aged pregnant chicks though... ;)

But what would I do if he denied it? He denied stealing from his last job until they showed him the security footage...
:eek: You didn't say that before.

If he denies it, there are only two possibilities: he is correct and telling the truth; or he is lying. Even if he tells the truth, would you believe him, with his history?

:eek: You didn't say that before.

If he denies it, there are only two possibilities: he is correct and telling the truth; or he is lying. Even if he tells the truth, would you believe him, with his history?

I mentioned in my first post that he lost his last job due to theft.

But money has gone missing from my partner too, plus I hope I'd know after 3 years if I was dating an addict.


How do you know that money has gone missing from your partner other that her ipse dixit?

I am not saying it is her, in fact probably the opposite, however if you really believe it is him then just cut him out. Then there will be no more stealing and your suspicions will be confirmed. All I am saying is keep an open mind if he really has been such a good friend to you in the past.

And if it turns out after you have cut him out of your life and the theft stops, well then he was never your friend in the first place.

(At this point I could rant about what people class as friends, but I won't. Suffice to say that the old saying 'a friend in need is a friend indeed' is widely misinterpreted.)

I also wish to add, if it is him, there is nothing you can really do about it other than cut him out of your life.

I mentioned in my first post that he lost his last job due to theft.
But you said nothing about him having a history of denying it, and you didn't answer my question.

:eek: You didn't say that before.

If he denies it, there are only two possibilities: he is correct and telling the truth; or he is lying. Even if he tells the truth, would you believe him, with his history?

I dunno, him taking it is the only explanation I can come up with which does not involve someone breaking in and leaving no trace (other options being it was abducted by aliens or time travelling historians from the future). I don't want to believe it, but there's no other explanation.

How do you know that money has gone missing from your partner other that her ipse dixit?


Because once my partner's cigarette money went missing and that was one long week (for both of us) even though I don't smoke. Plus if Jaye asked I would have handed over any ammount of money. What's Ipse Dixit BTW?

Because once my partner's cigarette money went missing and that was one long week (for both of us) even though I don't smoke. Plus if Jaye asked I would have handed over any ammount of money. What's Ipse Dixit BTW?

Her own say so.

I don't know what to tell you other than as far as you have described there are two possible suspects: Your friend and your partner.

Now I don't know how truthfull either of them are, but the very fact that you can entertain questions about her shows me that you doubt both of them. (Of course I could be totally wrong, so don't get angry with me, you may completely trust her and my specualtion about this is way off course. But the way it has been presented so far makes it a possible assumption).

All I can tell you is that addicts live for the moment. I can well believe that they would spend your,other peoples, and their own cigarette money without care for the future; and then blame the theft on others.

But as I said before, it is also entirely possible that your 'friend' is a douche-nozzle who you should never speak to again.

Wait until the evidence is in before blaming anyone. If it's not him, he will understand.

i would accuse him and tell him to own up to it,if he doesn't admit it and give the money back, i'd kick his ass and tell him not to come around anymore..sorry i had some bad experiences with people i called friends either a)stealing stuff from me or
b)stealing stuff and saying it was me who stole it :mad:

Well, if you were able to catch your "friend" in the act, you would know for sure, right? And then, do you think he would pay you back?

You could also make a big deal out of mentioning that money has been disappearing and now you are strapped for cash for rent and food. Then watch his face, or wait to see what he says. But, if he is a good liar, that won't tell you anything.

Basically, you have to ask yourself if this person is someone valuable enough in your life that you would go to the trouble of keeping them around.

This subject came up recently in another forum I participate in, only it was someone with cancer whose pain meds were disappearing. Because of the nature of the substance, doctors tightly control the distribution and if yours "disappear", you have to file a police report. (Which might be another option - you could mention to him that because of the way cash has been disappearing mysteriously, you are going to go the police and see if they can dust for prints, or whatever - just call his bluff).

Anyway, people volunteered that many of them who have pain pills or other meds with a high street value take great pains to hide them whenever any guest come over. It is just so much easier than worrying and wondering...

i would accuse him and tell him to own up to it,if he doesn't admit it and give the money back, i'd kick his ass and tell him not to come around anymore..sorry i had some bad experiences with people i called friends either a)stealing stuff from me or
b)stealing stuff and saying it was me who stole it :mad:


I love it when they say it was you who stole the money... REALLY makes me think highly of them when they do that.

That happened to me a lot in Elementary school. Finally, I just decided to take matters into my own hands and take back what was mine. And you know what? The bastards never stole from me after that.

I dunno, him taking it is the only explanation I can come up with which does not involve someone breaking in and leaving no trace (other options being it was abducted by aliens or time travelling historians from the future). I don't want to believe it, but there's no other explanation.
In that case, I am with the people who say break ties with him. If he's damned if he did, and damned if he didn't, you are both better off without the other.

PS: Don't discount the aliens so easily...

Cut him out of your life for a while. If the money continues to go missing then you are probably dating a drug addict.

(And apologize to him profusely, if he is a decent person he will understand).

If no more money goes missing, then he is a douche nozzle, and you don't want to know him anyway.
BINGO! Listen to this man Patra.

Dwarfs having sex with middle aged pregnant chicks though... ;)
DUDE! I'm eating, not cool! :mad:

:eek: You didn't say that before.

If he denies it, there are only two possibilities: he is correct and telling the truth; or he is lying. Even if he tells the truth, would you believe him, with his history?
Seriously, why would anyone hang out with someone that they KNOW is a thief and a liar? Why would that someone then wonder why their money is suddenly missing and they now have to choose between eating and paying rent. Even if he didn't do it, this is not the kind of person to hang out with. Stop being a wuss and cut him loose!

Seriously, why would anyone hang out with someone that they KNOW is a thief and a liar? Why would that someone then wonder why their money is suddenly missing and they now have to choose between eating and paying rent.
Um, to stimulate conversation in a public Internet forum?

Um, to stimulate conversation in a public Internet forum?
pehapes...*rubs chin*

Um, to stimulate conversation in a public Internet forum?
Damn good point! I concede.

DUDE! I'm eating, not cool! :mad:


Okay, how about dwarves having sex with post-menopausal pregnant chicks?

Okay, how about dwarves having sex with post-menopausal pregnant chicks?
DUDE!



At least I'm done eating though.

DAMN!

I wanted the full-on effect, you bastard!

Closest thing I had happen to me along these lines was a 'friend' thiefing my driver's licence and using it to drive. We look similar but not so alike that a cop wouldn't be able to notice the pic on the licence is not the person presenting it...at least I would've thought. He managed to get caught driving without insurance and got himself a nice hefty fine but it was applied ot my license. When it came time to renew I was informed I had a $300 fine outstanding for driving an uninsured vehicle in a town I haven't been to in my life. I was a bit suspicious so I managed to get a copy of the ticket faxed to me. The offense occurred on a date where I could account for my location and I did. I also noticed the signature on the ticket was of a very similar handwriting style though not mine. Was my friend's handwriting.

Anyhoo to make a long story short I told the police outright this fine will never be paid as the issuing officer obviously did not even look at the picture ID. I also pointed out my whereabouts, with proof, on the date of the ticket as well as the fact it wasn't my handwriting on the ticket. The police hmmm'ed and haw'ed and said there wasn't aything they could do. I replied I'd simply steal someone else's licence and use it because apparently theft and fraud is now legal. Boy that got them going! In less than an hour after they made a few calls the fine was removed.

I got back to my buddy about it and he made one excuse after another. We were very close friends before that but not anymore. We still talk now and then but I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. He knows how I feel about him and constantly makes me out to be the 'bad guy' to our mutual friends. What a goddamned loser but I have no regrets except for calling him at one time a friend.

Sounds to me like he was a fair weather friend. If he is currently talking shit about you around town, he doesn't sound like much of a friend anymore.

Sounds to me like he was a fair weather friend. If he is currently talking shit about you around town, he doesn't sound like much of a friend anymore.

Yeahup you hit the nail in the head. Fair weathered parasite. All this went down over 15 years ago and he's still pissing and moaning... "oh boohoo" he says "I was so down and out" and despite he had his own valid licence he used mine instead. He should consider himself lucky I didn't press for charges. Major sense of betrayal. :mad:

If he's your friend, you should maybe ask him if he needs some money or if there's anything you can help him with. Don't do anything about the $100. You can replace $100, but you can't replace a friend.

Him stealing from you may be an act of desperation, not aggression.

despite he had his own valid licence he used mine instead.

I know of people who would steal their older brother's or sister's DL to use as ID to get into bars. If the bouncers figured out it wasn't the same person, they would keep the DL. One of my roommates in college had an older sister who was 23 and she took her license all the time. Problem was, Jane looked about 12, not even the 18 she was. Jane's sister was a ditz and Jane kept telling her "Aw... you just must have lost it.". Finally, after Jane lost the 3rd one, her sister wised up.

Friday $100 went missing from my wallet, now I have the choice of paying rent or eating. This isn't the first time money has mysteriously disappeared. Last week $50 went, just vanished and over the last few years both my partner and I have noticed money just vanish from our wallets unaccounted for.

On Friday I counted my cash after withdrawing my pay, I did not leave the house, nor did my partner but we had a friend over. This individual was fired from his last job for stealing. He now has a new job which earns him almost twice what my partner and I earn combined. Every time money has gone missing he has been about, quite often he has been the only one about. I can see no other way to account for the missing money then him taking it, but I have no actual proof. Plus I say to myself, "Why would he take it, he earns more than us and knows we struggle?"

So what should I do? Should I call him out? Should I try and catch him in the act? Or do I have to lock away my stuff in my own house? Poll will be up soon.
Apply an asskicking and ask for your money back, the order here is up to you

Confirm it's him, then steal from him. Steal more than he's stole from you. Steal everything he owns. Then cut his hands off with a meat cleaver. Or not actually, that may be goin too far.

smash the ****

I also wish to add, if it is him, there is nothing you can really do about it other than cut him out of your life.

I agree, once a thief always a thief in my book. Since he was fired from his previous job for stealing, he should be treated as "guilty until proven innocent". In this case, the burden of proof is on him to prove he is not guilty, not on you to prove he's guilty. Cut him out of your life. If the thefts stop then you know you were right.

I would call him on it ... and if was sure he would no longer be welcome in my house

stabb him in the face...............

stabb him in the face...............
lol..yea...

My first response if this happened to me, would be to tell myself that the thief must have needed it more than I did and be more careful in the future. In this case, though, your friend "shouldn't" need it more. Shouldn't, but might have a serious need for cash or an emotional problem that you don't know about. Do you have any mutual friends, and have they had the same problem when he was around? If so, you might all confront him en masse. I don't know if this person is important enough to you as a friend to help him try to overcome his problem. If he is, then talk to him, tell him what you think, and offer your help. At the very least, he will know that you are aware of his activities and he won't be as apt to steal from you again. You might also tell him about your losses and the exteme situation it has put you in. Ask if he has some money he could "loan" you. Just keep in mind, this person may very well not really be a real friend and nothing you do or say will make a difference.

You might consider a bank account rather than carrying around cash. Use a debit card if you are worried about overdrafting with checks. That way your money is safe and you might earn a few cents interest each month.

i think what i would do in your situation is just use subtlety. Tell him indirectly that you think he may be stealing from your.

Say something like "dude, over the last 3 years money has been going missing from my wallet. i think it may be <insert partners name here>!! Or it COULD be one of my friends.... if i found out who the bastard was........man i'd kick their arse"

he will probably say something like "yeah man that sucks, i wonder who could be doing it."

then wait and it probably won't happen again. But if problem persists, please, see your doctor.

Lock up everything.. Install a camera.

first of all you need to make 100% sure it wasnt your partner. i know it seems unlikely but people do that kind of thing when they want to spend money on something the other person would disapporve of.

was this guy in your house every time money went missing?

either confront him in the hopes of him giving you back the money you really need right now then cut him out of your life or just cut him out of your life. you dont need psycho friends. you dont need friends you cant trust.

1) Mark the bills in your wallet. (I recommend magic marker, say a red and a blue line along the edge. Casinos mark money this way. If you make the lines identical on all your bills, fine.)

2) Next, take out one bill and put it somewhere else. Your pocket is a good place. This is your proof. A polaroid or digital picture is a good idea, too.

3) Leave out your wallet however you usually do.

4) A little later, (after the cash is missing, but before he's left) take out a higher bill and ask your "friend" for change. (Ie: If you had 10s in the wallet, ask him to break a 20, etc.)

If he has your bills in his wallet, you'll see 'em. Now you know.

What to do from there? Your call.

Me? Get rid of this guy if he's guilty. He's not your friend.

Friday $100 went missing from my wallet, now I have the choice of paying rent or eating. This isn't the first time money has mysteriously disappeared. Last week $50 went, just vanished and over the last few years both my partner and I have noticed money just vanish from our wallets unaccounted for.

On Friday I counted my cash after withdrawing my pay, I did not leave the house, nor did my partner but we had a friend over. This individual was fired from his last job for stealing. He now has a new job which earns him almost twice what my partner and I earn combined. Every time money has gone missing he has been about, quite often he has been the only one about. I can see no other way to account for the missing money then him taking it, but I have no actual proof. Plus I say to myself, "Why would he take it, he earns more than us and knows we struggle?"

So what should I do? Should I call him out? Should I try and catch him in the act? Or do I have to lock away my stuff in my own house? Poll will be up soon.

Um, firstly, why do you withdraw your pay? I can understand getting some petty cash, but, ALL of it?! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? Especially given the history of the person you live with. Why can't you just pay for everything by cheque or debit card, or even draw cash out only when you need to use it? It's a lot safer, and you get interest off it...

Secondly, if it's him I think you should destroy him. Or at least, pretend to. Grab a huge knife, put on a huge, insane, evil grin and tell him you're going to punish him Dark Age style -- you're going to cut his hands off. If he doesn't give you the money back right there and then, he'll be out of the door and gone forever before you can shout 'Heeeeeeere's JOHNNY!'

Friday $100 went missing from my wallet, now I have the choice of paying rent or eating. This isn't the first time money has mysteriously disappeared. Last week $50 went, just vanished and over the last few years both my partner and I have noticed money just vanish from our wallets unaccounted for.

On Friday I counted my cash after withdrawing my pay, I did not leave the house, nor did my partner but we had a friend over. This individual was fired from his last job for stealing. He now has a new job which earns him almost twice what my partner and I earn combined. Every time money has gone missing he has been about, quite often he has been the only one about. I can see no other way to account for the missing money then him taking it, but I have no actual proof. Plus I say to myself, "Why would he take it, he earns more than us and knows we struggle?"

So what should I do? Should I call him out? Should I try and catch him in the act? Or do I have to lock away my stuff in my own house? Poll will be up soon.

Sorry to hear you're being stolen from :(

Sounds like you are pretty sure it's him. If you're not certain and you wouldn't feel right asking him .. which seems like the case or you would've already, then maybe try to catch him. All depends on how close you are to him and what type of person he is and you are as to if you want to go through all that instead of just being blunt.

I'd probably just come out and ask him. If I was absolutely certain then I'd say "I know you've been taking money from me".. then from his reaction take it from there. If they lied flat to my face, looking me in the eyes. I'd end that association right there and possibly get into a fight. I'd have to atleast acknowledge it though, no way could I have them around me without confronting the issue. It would just boil in me.

A thief steals regardless if they need it or not, it's just in their nature.

It is a good idea to place money or other small valuables away from others. I never thought about it myself until a family member stole from me. I knew it was them, I immediatly confronted them, they blatenly lied. I will never trust them as far as I can throw them.

Forgive him, but be more cautious about giving him access to things you don't want stolen.

If it's something silly and pathetic, I humorously call them out.

If it's something serious, though

Get my other friends with ethics together and beat the shit out of the punk.
i vote for this one.

keel heem !!11 or u could just confron him or something to that nature O_o

Friday $100 went missing from my wallet, now I have the choice of paying rent or eating. This isn't the first time money has mysteriously disappeared. Last week $50 went, just vanished and over the last few years both my partner and I have noticed money just vanish from our wallets unaccounted for.

On Friday I counted my cash after withdrawing my pay, I did not leave the house, nor did my partner but we had a friend over. This individual was fired from his last job for stealing. He now has a new job which earns him almost twice what my partner and I earn combined. Every time money has gone missing he has been about, quite often he has been the only one about. I can see no other way to account for the missing money then him taking it, but I have no actual proof. Plus I say to myself, "Why would he take it, he earns more than us and knows we struggle?"

So what should I do? Should I call him out? Should I try and catch him in the act? Or do I have to lock away my stuff in my own house? Poll will be up soon.

Rig up a CCTV system in your house, invite him over, then get footage of him stealing from you. but don't use it, put it to one side, for use later. Then start stealing as much stuff as you can from him, he's loaded, he can afford it! if he starts to suspect you, just tell him about the footage you have of him stealing, and if he tries to do anything about it you'll involve the police!!!

Rig up a CCTV system in your house, invite him over, then get footage of him stealing from you. but don't use it, put it to one side, for use later. Then start stealing as much stuff as you can from him, he's loaded, he can afford it! if he starts to suspect you, just tell him about the footage you have of him stealing, and if he tries to do anything about it you'll involve the police!!!

My method is a bit cheaper. ;)

My method is a bit cheaper. ;)

True, but mine has higher earning potential!!! :D

This is why it's nice having friends whom you're always willing to buy stuff for, but whom only want to get your pants off.

I'd say stealing from the situation is difficult, but the girl has mickies...

:D

Seriously though, just confront them directly. Prefferably in a comfortable, non-threatening situation. In the mean time, try things like, "Have you seen my...", etc.

If he's your friend, you should maybe ask him if he needs some money or if there's anything you can help him with. Don't do anything about the $100. You can replace $100, but you can't replace a friend.

Him stealing from you may be an act of desperation, not aggression.
If you'll put up with people lying and stealing from you, then you must be desperate for friends as well as having a pretty low standard of acceptable behavior. I'm not trying to be insulting, but why put up with such behavior? I don't put up with behavior like that in my life. If anyone I know betrays me in such a way, they're gone. I'd rather have people of higher quality around me. My life is too short to spend it hanging around people who lie and steal.

I agree, once a thief always a thief in my book. Since he was fired from his previous job for stealing, he should be treated as "guilty until proven innocent". In this case, the burden of proof is on him to prove he is not guilty, not on you to prove he's guilty. Cut him out of your life. If the thefts stop then you know you were right.
People can change. What can't be changed is the level of trust, and thus the value of the friendship.

If you'll put up with people lying and stealing from you, then you must be desperate for friends as well as having a pretty low standard of acceptable behavior. I'm not trying to be insulting, but why put up with such behavior? I don't put up with behavior like that in my life. If anyone I know betrays me in such a way, they're gone. I'd rather have people of higher quality around me. My life is too short to spend it hanging around people who lie and steal.

You obviously dont know Keruvalia. So dont make assumptions. Just because "you" do not put up with such behavior in your life, doesnt mean that everyone else has to agree or live life according to Vynnland. Perhaps he is a very forgiving person and would rather find out what on earth could make a friend take something from him. Maybe they needed money for food or the light bill and were too ashamed to ask for help. My point....dont be so quick to judge people you dont know.

You obviously dont know Keruvalia. So dont make assumptions. Just because "you" do not put up with such behavior in your life, doesnt mean that everyone else has to agree or live life according to Vynnland. Perhaps he is a very forgiving person and would rather find out what on earth could make a friend take something from him. Maybe they needed money for food or the light bill and were too ashamed to ask for help. My point....dont be so quick to judge people you dont know.
Anyone who is willing to allow people who are known liars and thieves in their home are displaying that they do not think very well of themselves or their property. Use whatever words you want to appologize for it, but actions speak far louder. There are PLENTY of good people out there, so why associate with people who are not good? I can't think of one good reason.

Anyone who is willing to allow people who are known liars and thieves in their home are displaying that they do not think very well of themselves or their property. Use whatever words you want to appologize for it, but actions speak far louder. There are PLENTY of good people out there, so why associate with people who are not good? I can't think of one good reason.


Well I'm sure he doesnt have cleptomaniacs frequenting his home, so what if someone steals from you that has never done anything like that before? I'm just saying that Keruvalia is an upstanding respectable guy who is very confident and of high quality. For you to assume otherwise just because he is also a forgiving person just isnt fair.

Well I'm sure he doesnt have cleptomaniacs frequenting his home, so what if someone steals from you that has never done anything like that before? I'm just saying that Keruvalia is an upstanding respectable guy who is very confident and of high quality. For you to assume otherwise just because he is also a forgiving person just isnt fair.
I'm sure he's a high quality individual, but by associating with people who are known to be liars and thieves tells me that he doesn't think enough of himself to cut off those of low quality and not associate with them. Just him having to ask the question displays a lack of self confidence and a sense of neediness. This is very reminescent of battered wife syndrome. The individual's low sense of self worth keeps them around abusive people.

I'm sure he's a high quality individual, but by associating with people who are known to be liars and thieves tells me that he doesn't think enough of himself to cut off those of low quality and not associate with them. Just him having to ask the question displays a lack of self confidence and a sense of neediness. This is very reminescent of battered wife syndrome. The individual's low sense of self worth keeps them around abusive people.


You seem to be the authority on many many issues. You keep saying "known liars and thieves".....I said what if someone stole something from you that had never done anything like that before? No, perhaps it is not wise to put up a sign that says "Welcome Thugs!" But thats not what I'm saying and neither was Keruvalia. Anyway....he is not a needy person and he certainly doesnt lack self confidence. It is foolish for you to make such statements about people based in this one hypothetical situation.

You seem to be the authority on many many issues. You keep saying "known liars and thieves".....I said what if someone stole something from you that had never done anything like that before? No, perhaps it is not wise to put up a sign that says "Welcome Thugs!" But thats not what I'm saying and neither was Keruvalia. Anyway....he is not a needy person and he certainly doesnt lack self confidence. It is foolish for you to make such statements about people based in this one hypothetical situation.
He KNEW that this guy was fired for lying and stealing from his job, and yet still allowed him in his home. I think that says it all.

You seem to be the authority on many many issues. You keep saying "known liars and thieves".....I said what if someone stole something from you that had never done anything like that before? No, perhaps it is not wise to put up a sign that says "Welcome Thugs!" But thats not what I'm saying and neither was Keruvalia. Anyway....he is not a needy person and he certainly doesnt lack self confidence. It is foolish for you to make such statements about people based in this one hypothetical situation.

I think the problem here, is that Vynnland confuses Keru's natural disposition to forgive, and hope for the best - with a lack of confidence, or a moral weakness of some kind.

From what I know about Keruvalia - it seems more likely that he is showing a strength of character, in forgiveness... than a weakness of character, in insecurity.

Then again, in similar situations, I haven't always responded so calmly. :)

He KNEW that this guy was fired for lying and stealing from his job, and yet still allowed him in his home. I think that says it all.

Yes the thread originator did....said money had been missing for years. I am talking about your comments about Keruvalia. You must think that forgiveness signifies weakness and thats just not so. I'm defending him as a person against your inaccurate assumptions. Anything else I say to you will be redundant so I'm done...just keep your comments to yourself about Keru.

Oh yeah.. after you do install the vid camera to catch him in the act, post the video over the internet.. so we can make a 'owned' vid or something. :D

If they steal from you they are not a friend. Do not associate with them again. If they ask why, tell them.

I want advice from random people on the Internet too!

I have had the same friends since I was 3. They have always been honest and good to me, and my friends. However, the other day me and (we will call him friend A) friend A went over to friend B's house; he told us he was going to be home then. When we got there, nobody was home, and we walked inside thinking he was downstairs with the music up loud. We didn't find him in the house, and we called him. He said he would be home in a few minutes, so we didn't leave. In the meantime friend A tells me he is going to steal some money from friend B. We both went up into friend B's room and he stole 20 dollars. Friend B had 250+, unsorted, so its extremely unlikely he noticed.

My friends and me always pick on friend B, in a friendly way for the most part, and my friend A acts as if this justifies him stealing. I felt disgusted watching but I did nothing to stop it, and I didn't tell friend B what happened. I realized that friend A was a dishonest person, and I went and checked my money. Sure enough, 20 dollars was gone. Unfortunately, I am only 80 percent certain about how much I had in the first place, so I don't want to directly approach him for it. Friend A who stole it had little money at the time, but there was nothing that he needed to get, chances are he spent the 20 dollars on gambling. (Just poker among us friends)

If it weren’t for the fact that I have known him my whole life, I would kick him out of my life immediately. Unfortunately, because we are all such a close-knit group of friends, I really don't have the ability to exclude him from our activities. What do you NS posters recommend? The tentative decision I came to was to hide my money better and never trust that friend again.

Give me a B! Give me a U! Give me a M! Give me a P!
Or just give me your soul.

Give him a beating, thats what I would do.
P.S. If a "friend" steals from you he or she is not your friend.

I think the problem here, is that Vynnland confuses Keru's natural disposition to forgive, and hope for the best - with a lack of confidence, or a moral weakness of some kind.

From what I know about Keruvalia - it seems more likely that he is showing a strength of character, in forgiveness... than a weakness of character, in insecurity.

Then again, in similar situations, I haven't always responded so calmly. :)
I have no problem with forgiveness, I just don't confuse forgiveness with foolishness. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you can trust them or that they will completely reform at that point. That trust can never be completely repaired after it's been broken in such a way. I think that it is possible to become friends again with such people, but I still be wary of them and most likely always will be to at least a certain degree. I also think that if someone chooses to hang around people who take advantage of them then they must not be confident in their abilities to make friends with better people. What does the battered wife say? "I can't leave him, I'll never be able to find someone else!"

Tell him that you know that he stole it and ask for it back.
If he does nothing tell him with a friend.
If, again he does nothing, tell the officials.
Most of all get him to stop!

I want advice from random people on the Internet too!

I have had the same friends since I was 3. They have always been honest and good to me, and my friends. However, the other day me and (we will call him friend A) friend A went over to friend B's house; he told us he was going to be home then. When we got there, nobody was home, and we walked inside thinking he was downstairs with the music up loud. We didn't find him in the house, and we called him. He said he would be home in a few minutes, so we didn't leave. In the meantime friend A tells me he is going to steal some money from friend B. We both went up into friend B's room and he stole 20 dollars. Friend B had 250+, unsorted, so its extremely unlikely he noticed.

My friends and me always pick on friend B, in a friendly way for the most part, and my friend A acts as if this justifies him stealing. I felt disgusted watching but I did nothing to stop it, and I didn't tell friend B what happened. I realized that friend A was a dishonest person, and I went and checked my money. Sure enough, 20 dollars was gone. Unfortunately, I am only 80 percent certain about how much I had in the first place, so I don't want to directly approach him for it. Friend A who stole it had little money at the time, but there was nothing that he needed to get, chances are he spent the 20 dollars on gambling. (Just poker among us friends)

If it weren’t for the fact that I have known him my whole life, I would kick him out of my life immediately. Unfortunately, because we are all such a close-knit group of friends, I really don't have the ability to exclude him from our activities. What do you NS posters recommend? The tentative decision I came to was to hide my money better and never trust that friend again.
That's tough, but I don't see how you can't not face him. Grow a set of balls and just approach him and tell him what he did to friend B was messed up and if you EVER see him do anything like that, that you'll cut him off, because you can't afford to hang out with a thief. That's what I'd do anyway. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but sometimes you have to swallow your fear, grab your balls (but not too roughly) and go do what you believe to be right.

I am the president of Vynnland and I approve this message. :cool:

I want advice from random people on the Internet too!

I have had the same friends since I was 3. They have always been honest and good to me, and my friends. However, the other day me and (we will call him friend A) friend A went over to friend B's house; he told us he was going to be home then. When we got there, nobody was home, and we walked inside thinking he was downstairs with the music up loud. We didn't find him in the house, and we called him. He said he would be home in a few minutes, so we didn't leave. In the meantime friend A tells me he is going to steal some money from friend B. We both went up into friend B's room and he stole 20 dollars. Friend B had 250+, unsorted, so its extremely unlikely he noticed.

My friends and me always pick on friend B, in a friendly way for the most part, and my friend A acts as if this justifies him stealing. I felt disgusted watching but I did nothing to stop it, and I didn't tell friend B what happened. I realized that friend A was a dishonest person, and I went and checked my money. Sure enough, 20 dollars was gone. Unfortunately, I am only 80 percent certain about how much I had in the first place, so I don't want to directly approach him for it. Friend A who stole it had little money at the time, but there was nothing that he needed to get, chances are he spent the 20 dollars on gambling. (Just poker among us friends)

If it weren’t for the fact that I have known him my whole life, I would kick him out of my life immediately. Unfortunately, because we are all such a close-knit group of friends, I really don't have the ability to exclude him from our activities. What do you NS posters recommend? The tentative decision I came to was to hide my money better and never trust that friend again.

Okay, you don't know if friend A actually stole money from you since you don't know how much you had to begin with (and just for the record, how many of you walk around with large amounts of cash or keep a lot on hand? Most of the people I know - don't). So, I don't think it would be cool to accuse friend A of stealing from you. Since he knows you saw him take money from friend B, I think it would be pretty stupid of him to steal from you at the same time, but people aren't always smart.

At any rate, you need to tell friend A that what he did was not cool and while you have not said anything to friend B, it is really bothering you. If he tries to make a joke of it, let him know it is no laughing matter and it has you questioning your friendship with him.

As for your own actions, I'm sure you are not the first person to do nothing when someone else is committing a crime, but if friend B is really YOUR friend, you have to ask yourself why you just let friend A do this. Do you feel more loyalty to friend A? On the legal side, it may only have been $20, but it' still stealing, so you could be charged as an accessory. Not sure if there would be any B&E since the door was unlocked and you let him know you were there. But just think about it. What kind of a friend (friend A) not only steals from a friend, but gets another friend involved. Not a very good one in my book.

And BTW, what's up with Friend B leaving his door unlocked when he's not home and has money lying around?

Okay, you don't know if friend A actually stole money from you since you don't know how much you had to begin with (and just for the record, how many of you walk around with large amounts of cash or keep a lot on hand? Most of the people I know - don't). So, I don't think it would be cool to accuse friend A of stealing from you. Since he knows you saw him take money from friend B, I think it would be pretty stupid of him to steal from you at the same time, but people aren't always smart.
I had 250 dollars exact, somewhat hidden but friend A knew where it was, and I don't know when it was stolen. (assuming it was stolen in the first place... have to give the benefit of the doubt)
At any rate, you need to tell friend A that what he did was not cool and while you have not said anything to friend B, it is really bothering you. If he tries to make a joke of it, let him know it is no laughing matter and it has you questioning your friendship with him.
I was considering this. I probably will.

As for your own actions, I'm sure you are not the first person to do nothing when someone else is committing a crime, but if friend B is really YOUR friend, you have to ask yourself why you just let friend A do this. Do you feel more loyalty to friend A? On the legal side, it may only have been $20, but it' still stealing, so you could be charged as an accessory. Not sure if there would be any B&E since the door was unlocked and you let him know you were there. But just think about it. What kind of a friend (friend A) not only steals from a friend, but gets another friend involved. Not a very good one in my book.

And BTW, what's up with Friend B leaving his door unlocked when he's not home and has money lying around?
We both knew where he kept his money "hidden." And he only left for 30 minutes, so I assume he didn't think anyone would enter his house and steal things.

sometimes, if the person cares about your opinion of them in any way, if you know its them and are obviously dissapointed in them but just say "i forgive you this time"..theyll be too worried about breaking your trust and getting the disspointment treatment again that they wont do it again

its the sort of thing my parents did when i was younger...if i got into trouble in school or something or if i got into trouble with them, they made sure i knew they were dissapointed, but forgave me. then i didnt want to dissapoint them again because theyd been good to me

well, i know what i mean even if that all doesnt seem to make much sense

sometimes, if the person cares about your opinion of them in any way, if you know its them and are obviously dissapointed in them but just say "i forgive you this time"..theyll be too worried about breaking your trust and getting the disspointment treatment again that they wont do it again

its the sort of thing my parents did when i was younger...if i got into trouble in school or something or if i got into trouble with them, they made sure i knew they were dissapointed, but forgave me. then i didnt want to dissapoint them again because theyd been good to me

well, i know what i mean even if that all doesnt seem to make much sense
My parents do that do. Dissapointment hurts worse than anger.

Ps: Isn't that a gramatical nightmare! And I have edited my last 3 posts.

My parents do that do. Dissapointment hurts worse than anger.
youve just summed my rambling nonsencical post up, thanks :)

Ps: Isn't that a gramatical nightmare! And I have edited my last 3 posts.
English is a grammatical nightmate :p

Leave something out for him to steal. Set up a camera to tape it. Have him arrested and use tape as evidence.

Friends don't steal from friends.

Leave something out for him to steal. Set up a camera to tape it. Have him arrested and use tape as evidence.

Friends don't steal from friends.

This reminded me of a show we watched, I think on Spike TV. This guy kept having money stolen from his room when he wasn't home, so he set up a camera in a way that it was sorta hidden. In comes his roommate, who looks around and then goes to the box to steal some money.

He then saw a cord and got suspicious, so he traced the cord to the camera, and picked it up, trying to figure out how to stop the camera or erase the video. He couldn't, and instead stared right into the lens, showing a full-on shot of who he was. The theme of the show was stupid crooks.

Two words. Punch On!

Or, if you're a little more flamboyant....


Paaaaaaaanch the Caaaaaaaaant.

You forgot

[] Disown them and make their life a living hell

He would never enter my home again. If my roommate let him in after that I would insist my roommate repay me for any additional missing money.

I have no problem with forgiveness, I just don't confuse forgiveness with foolishness. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you can trust them or that they will completely reform at that point. That trust can never be completely repaired after it's been broken in such a way. I think that it is possible to become friends again with such people, but I still be wary of them and most likely always will be to at least a certain degree. I also think that if someone chooses to hang around people who take advantage of them then they must not be confident in their abilities to make friends with better people. What does the battered wife say? "I can't leave him, I'll never be able to find someone else!"

It's your opinion... YOU think it shows a lack of confidence. It could just as easily be argued the other way.

I have to admit to once threatening to throw someone from a fairly high window, over 200 pounds that they had absconded with - and the whole relationship took something of a downward turn there.

But, I think THAT was a lot of money - at a time when I really couldn't afford it... and perhaps I could have forgiven it at some other time.

If a VERY close friend stole money from me, I would be looking to get to the root of the problem - not just writing it off as 'stolen money = no friend'.

But, that is just me.

And, maybe Keruvalia.

You are welcome to your opinion on the issue - but I think you are crossing some lines in insulting people, regarding their skills with people, or confidence.

Edit: Nevermind. You obviously don't understand my position. It's also quite possible that I don't understand your position. Also, some people are investing way too much emotion and personal worth into a silly exchange. So let's just have an end to it and meet as friends on another thread another time. :cool:

Real friends don't steal, but some people aren't really friends more like *SOCIAL PARASITES* :confused: