NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok here we go.

I just split from a relationship of 5 and a half years, well put more precisely, she split from me. It was sudden and unexpected, leaving me really down in the dumps. Over the last week or so I've begun to question a few things such as does the humanist state of modern society really affect the way people treat each other and hence, relationships? (Evelyn Waugh anybody?)

Is effort in relationships a minor factor when considering their future? For example, if you run into a bad patch in a relationship, do you try to talk your problem through with your other half? Or, despite promising to, attempt to hide the fact that you are unhappy so that resentment builds until the relationship is untenable? Do people just sit in a relationship unhappy until something better comes along? Or are they honest with their partner about their problems and how they feel. Does this equate to a healthy relationship even if it breaks down, or is this a sign of emotional immaturity in one or both of the parties involved?

As I said, I've basically been dumped after 5 and a half years, we were engaged to be married, yes, it was an internet relationship. Eitherway, these are some questions I've had over the past week and I was wondering what other people thought about the subject.

Thanks in advance.

From what I've seen, relationships seem to be better face to face rather than via online. As for talking, I've seen small secrets destroy people who seemed closer than ever. I guess talking, even about problems in the relationship, is better than keeping quiet, heck, it could probably solve the problem. However, small things can be handled with a little maturity, not everything is going to be perfect.

It doesnt realy matter.....someone can lie to your face just as easy as over the internet....im only 15 and im told im wise beyond my years. Wich brings me to the conclusion; human nature and instincts do not allow for love or a monogamous(sp) relationship. Love is untrue and unatainable. Then again I am just a heavily depressed teen.

In my own experiance, I was very in love wih a girl i thought loved me back....but in reality she based her feelings of appearance and what i said to her. We broke up after i found out she had cheated on me numorous times with no regard for my emotions....the worst thing was she cried when i dumped her. She cried because it was I who dumped her.

Words cannot describe, well this verse can:

Cold was my soul,
And untold was the pain,
That I faced when you left me,
A rose in the rain,
So I swore to the razor,
That never, enchained,
Would your dark nails of faith,
Be pushed through my veins again....

well i did say i was a depressed teen.....but you get the point.....

Wich brings me to the conclusion; human nature and instincts do not allow for love or a monogamous(sp) relationship. Love is untrue and unatainable. Then again I am just a heavily depressed teen. I'm afraid you are. I am 15 also, and I don't think love or monogamy are impossible. For instance, I know many people who have monogamous relationships - causa finita. And believe me, love exists. I can definitely say that to be true.

Your both wrong, and your both 15. You know about as much about love right now as I do about molecular biology. :sniper:

That being said, I'm not claiming to be an expert.

Internet relationships suck. Why? Because even though someone can lie and stab you in the back face to face (In the back... face to face? You know what I mean....) you build trust through seeing a lack of trust abuse. You don't get that in an online relationship.

I'm of the personal belief that love is a chemical. When there love chemical mixes with your love chemical in a positive manner, bam, you get Love. Sucks doesn't it? Not very magical. Wish it was, I just don't think it is.

Dude, you need some therapy. 5 and a half years of a good realtionship and then your out like a deaf kid in musical chairs? That's gotta totally stop you from trusting anyone. I just got out of a 6 month relationship (I know, it's not THAT long, but at 22, it was the longest I ever had) in which the girl got married to another guy behind my back, stole $2.5k USD from me, slept with my best friend, and lied about pretty much everything in her life. Including but not limited to: A kidney transplant, her job, and her relationship with her new husband.

this left me a shell of a human being, a husk sitting in front of the computer all day, every day. Don't let yourself become the same. Go out, take walks, even just around the block. Get some therapy, hang out, outside prefferably. Stay active. Absent minds hold terrible thoughts.

I've haven't had a g/f yet, and I am constantly "hit" on by the ditzy crowd... *sigh* I think this has only hardened my cynical nature :(

There's the chemical kind of love and the emotional kind of love, from what I understand.
Chemical love is the kind that is formed over about 30 seconds with the person, the Romeo and Juliet type of love. It's caused by endorphins and pheremones and whatnot. It can last, it can be deep, but it can't be true.
Emotional love is the kind that is built up over time, from friendship to trust (for me, it would be in that order) to love. It's the kind that sneaks up on you.

That's what I've learned from my limited experiences in life, talking with others, and Biology.
But hey, what do I know, I've never experienced the emotional kind, because I have a problem trusting people, and thus developing friendships of any type. I'm the kind of person with a few close friends and many more distanced associates/buddies. Someday, maybe I'll learn it, but until then, I'll just go on as I have.

Note: Looking back, this is probably a bunch of incoherent gibberish to the rest of you, but I'm too tired to do any better right now.

Dude, seriously, that's harsh.

I'm 22 too, well barring all but 3 weeks, and I've been with her for that long, and yeah, I'd say your right I'll ahve big problems trusting anyone again. Eitherway, what I went through was nowhere near on the scale you did. My girl jsut one day turned around and said, "I got some gut wrenching news" as bad as that might be, lying about that much shit has gotta be damaging.

Anyhow, I personally beleive that love is not attainable, at least not true love because it requires something that at least one party isn't willing to give, and that is themselves over to the relationship. I'm sure it happens, hell thats what I thought we had, but I guess not. Eitherway, to me part of the reason for this is how little stress is put on monogamy in a relationship nowadays - look at shows like sex in the city. These things practically promote cheating as somethign fun and alternative. Eitherway, to me they're wrong, although now that I am single again, lets face it, even that old kim katrall is HOT :p . Anyways, Shows like these to me promose a lack of monogamy, that coupled with kids being raised by divorced parents, not that I have anything against that in the slightest, I would say it DOES combined with the, you look after yourself nobody else attitude, make for a more humanist and generally less "caring" society. People are generally, or seem generally less caring about what happens to somoene else unless it directly affects them. Translating to this to relationships, its no wonder that many don't last.


As for you lads that are only 15 years old, although I appreciate your position, I've been there too, hell that's almost when my relationship with my former fiancé began... I can and I can't really say it applies, for the reaons of:

If it's going to applym you're the guys and gals its REALLY gonna apply too.

Also

If they do apply and you've been taught by example via the realtionships of your parents or via tv, would you notice if they are different? Additionally, you've got many many more relationships to go through before you probably reach a completely serious one. I don't mean to put you down, but that's the truth.

Sorry if I got shitty typing it's like 4:30 am and I'm pretty tired aswell as drunk and depressed :p