NationStates Jolt Archive

With the, "so you wanna be a muslim eh?" thread I thought it only fair in the spirit of equality to make my own thread about my religion! Now some of may be saying, why would I want to be a Chritian when I could join some other more fashionable or contriversial religion like, Wicca, or Hinduism. Well I'll tell ya why, if you stray from the one true light, God will curse your blasphemous soul to eternal damnation and hellfire for all of eternity; and is that what you really want? I didnt think so. Time to get down to the basics, there are many differnet types of Chritianity, Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, Protestantism, yadda yadda. But no matter which sect you chose you must always remeber GUILT. You were born with sin and if you dont get babtised you'll go straight to hell... or purgatory, though im not sure which. You may me asking me by now, "GV, this seems pretty complicated, im not quite sure I want to be a Christian". Well, like I said before if the thought of burning in a lake of molten sulfur for all of eternity sounds appealing to you then please be my guest and contiue your sinful and unholy lifestyle. But enough beating around the bush, lets get down to basics. The first thing you should do is get babtised, and buy a bible. There is no particular order for this but I advise you to get babtised first, so if you die on the way to the Christian Bookstore you wont go straight to hell. Now after this is done you'll want to start going to church on Sundays and Wednesdays, because if you dont you'll mmost assuredly burn in hell. Now supposedly Jesus has forgivien all of our sins so we'll all get into heaven as long as we follow in his footsteps, but thats fuckin wrong! Did you really expect heaven to lift up her skirt and pull down her panties for you without some damn work? Well, for the slower of you the answer is no. The life of the average Christian is a guilt ridden and wholly unpleasent affair, but like I said it beats burnign in hell. So, upon your acceptance into the church you'll have to kick all your filthy habbits like, gay sex, and your blow problem. And then theres the whole subject of the Apocalypse; see, alot of people thought it would happen on the millenium but they were fuckin wrong if you dont count GW getting elected. So who knows whe it'll come, maybe today, tomorrow or maybe a thousand years. But if you survive seeing the destruction of mankind and are fortunate to die naturally and I dont mean a heart attack in a whorehouse, the odds are 50/50 you wont burn in hell.

You know, I think people would appriciate something like this alot more if you actually tried to make it either:

A) A serious discussion on what it means to be Christian

or...

B) A satire that's actually witty. Not just the same old "do this or your going to Hell" farce that's been done to death.

Thank you. :headbang:

I like the idea of this thread. I think it would be nice to see a bunch of these pop up about various religions.

However, is it possible for you to speak of your religion without denegrating others? I mean ... I'm Muslim, my thread is about becoming Muslim, and even though we're currently the ones who it's fashionable to hate and a lot of people believe us to be monstrous ogres who hate everyone but us, I have shown that Islam can be discussed without one iota of hatred being expressed.

Can someone make a thread on Christianity and show the same thing?

Unless, of course, you're being farsical, in which case, never mind.

I like the idea of this thread. I think it would be nice to see a bunch of these pop up about various religions.

However, is it possible for you to speak of your religion without denegrating others? I mean ... I'm Muslim, my thread is about becoming Muslim, and even though we're currently the ones who it's fashionable to hate and a lot of people believe us to be monstrous ogres who hate everyone but us, I have shown that Islam can be discussed without one iota of hatred being expressed.

Can someone make a thread on Christianity and show the same thing?

Unless, of course, you're being farsical, in which case, never mind.

If you remind me to, tommorow I'll make a long, detailed thread about "So you want to join the Sumerian religion?"
Just for the fun of it.

Seriously, but you have to remind me.

I want to become a Christian(Probably Prosteant), but right now I am unable to, so is it okay to wait a few years to get babtised? Or am I gonna burn in hell anyway?

If you remind me to, tommorow I'll make a long, detailed thread about "So you want to join the Sumerian religion?"
Just for the fun of it.

Seriously, but you have to remind me.

lol ... okie dokie ... I'll remind you.

Great, now we're gonna have a smart-ass "Ya wanna be an atheist?" thread where the poster will say "Just forget everything you know that is retarded"

Ok, can we hear some non militant christians on the subject of christianity. I do grow tired of the whole "If you do not beleave in our religion, you will suffer X consequence." But I agree, These postings of religion are neat.

If you remind me to, tommorow I'll make a long, detailed thread about "So you want to join the Sumerian religion?"
Just for the fun of it.

Seriously, but you have to remind me.
I should do "So you want to be a chaos magickian?"

There are several parts of this post I'd like to get into at length, but I'll hold off on most given current time constraints and just start with a few.

1. The post acknowledges that there are several Christian sects and then, directly after, upholds the almost uniquely Catholic doctrine of original sin (referred to here as guilt). I don't believe Presbyterians/Calvinists believe in it (although that's more complicated), and Unitarians certainly don't. Additionally, in an original sin doctrine, unsaved people always go to hell (purgatory was abandoned by the Catholic Church several centuries ago).

2. The crucial assumption in the post is that if one does not accept the author's version of Jesus, then they are going to hell. Not only is there no proof of this, but it contradicts with the Catholic outlook implied by the guilt line discussed above (official Church doctrine doesn't say everyone's going to hell now).

3. Is everyone who isn't this specific type of Christian living in sin? I really don't think that's true. Take Buddhist monks, for example. They refuse to kill and spend their lives either in isolation, study, or helping others. Are they going to hell just because they weren't dunked in a certain type of water as children?

Perhaps more later, if this generates any response.
:gundge: Only because I think this smiley is hilarious.

Well I'll tell ya why, if you stray from the one true light, God will curse your blasphemous soul to eternal damnation and hellfire for all of eternity; and is that what you really want? I didnt think so.

Oh... I love it how you give me every reason in the world to believe you. :rolleyes:

This thread is a joke, people, a joke. Why are you taking it seriously?

I am an Anglican. This has many advantages:

1. There is no hell.

2. You only have to recieve communion twice a year. (Once at easter, and one other time. If you are smart about it you can double up that day). Even then, if you don't you'll probably be okay if you live a "good" life.

3. Prayer is optional, and you can do it anyway you want.

4. Even if you don't believe in God, you may still get to heaven if you are a "good" person. Indeed there is a vicar in England who has publically stated that he does not believe in God and the Bishop of the Diocese said this in no way hampers his ablity to minister.

5. Other religions are true also. (Unless you are an atheist anglican, in which case they are all wrong, but hey, it doesn't matter see 4.)

6. There are no hangups about gays.

7. Missionary work is frowned upon. (Ever since that Indian mutiny thingy).

8. No scary parochial schools with scary nuns.

9. They don't make you learn any scripture, unless you want to.

10. All anglican weddings are open to the general public, and anyone can go along and object to it if they want

11. Transvestite Ministers.

12. Choice of Church, high or low.

13. It is impossible to "lapse".

It really is the easiest religion, which is why to this day so many people in england still identify themselves as C of E, even though they never go to church.

Of course it wasn't always this way, things were different when Blighty had her Empire, but they really have modernized to fit with the times.

And yes, I actually am a confirmed anglican.

4. Even if you don't believe in God, you may still get to heaven if you are a "good" person. Indeed there is a vicar in England who has publically stated that he does not believe in God and the Bishop of the Diocese said this in no way hampers his ablity to minister.

That's hilarious!

This thread is a joke, people, a joke. Why are you taking it seriously?


This thread wasn't started by a Christian. Don't get sucked into the stereotypes. Christianity isn't a set of rules its a journey. If I was cynical I would believe this was started by someone who wants to trash Christianity.

There, I have stated the obvious for everyone.

Cheers

This thread wasn't started by a Christian. Don't get sucked into the stereotypes. Christianity isn't a set of rules its a journey. If I was cynical I would believe this was started by someone who wants to trash Christianity.

There, I have stated the obvious for everyone.

Cheers

I acutally am a Christian smart one. And it was a Joke, its called getting out of your tower long enough to see how people actually view your religion without getting all hot and bothered over it.

That's hilarious!

Doubly so because it is true. But we Anglicans have as good a sense of humor as anyone so we enjoy it too. Except for the Lord's Day Observance Society, who are sort of anglican fundamentalists insofar as that is possible. (They want to ban soccer on sunday).

I like the idea of this thread. I think it would be nice to see a bunch of these pop up about various religions.

However, is it possible for you to speak of your religion without denegrating others? I mean ... I'm Muslim, my thread is about becoming Muslim, and even though we're currently the ones who it's fashionable to hate and a lot of people believe us to be monstrous ogres who hate everyone but us, I have shown that Islam can be discussed without one iota of hatred being expressed.

Can someone make a thread on Christianity and show the same thing?

Unless, of course, you're being farsical, in which case, never mind.
The religion to hate? By whom? The liberals are in a frenzy to protect you, and the vast majority of right wingers mean no foul against moderates. So quit the victim act. Christianity is the religion that it's fashionable to hate, amongst the leftists.

Here (http://www.catholicexchange.com/css/truthtracts.asp) is a nice little Q&A that should clear up most of your questions about Catholicism.

And actually, Purgatory has never been an "abandoned" part of Catholic theology. It's still in there.

First of all, Mt-Tau, I am a very non-militant Christian. In fact, I'm one of the purportedly "endangered" Christian liberals. I go to St. Olaf College in Northfield, MN, and many of my friends are Christians and very nice about it. I live and go to church in St. Louis, and there I have found some of the nicest people I've ever met. Unfortunately, the radical right-wing Christians often dominate the airwaves. Not that their opinions should be suppressed, but the message of love and grace and forgiveness, so important to Jesus often seems lost in the flood.

Tocrowkia, I wouldn't worry about that. I mean, the physical act of "babtism" is a very important moment in a Christian's life, but I for one believe that baptism is a symbol of a much deeper, much more important, change that happens internally. The Christian day/season of Pentecost is in remembrance of a day almost 2,000 years ago, shortly after Jesus Christ's resurrection, when the Holy Spirit came and "baptized with fire" those who stood listening to Jesus' closest friends and followers. The importance of baptism (as I understand it) is that it symbolizes your desire to let the Holy Spirit work through you in your life. Hence the adult baptism in several denominations (notably the baptists), because many believe that baptism should be a conscious choice made by the individual who desires to receive the Spirit's influence in their life.

And Deleuze, I'd feel bad not responding to you, cause you put some good thought into your post. I'm really not sure what to respond to though, except for the last part. And being a typical, "guilt-infested" Lutheran, I can assure you that God isn't concerned with how "good" a person is. I'm not going to try and judge, for example, the Buddhist monks you talk about. It's not my place. But what I can say with certainty, is what Paul wrote in his letter to the Ephesians: "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God--not the result of works, so that no one may boast." Peope can do good works, and they can have great intentions, but if we can work our way into heaven on our own, then why did Jesus give himself as a sacrifice for us? None of us can be perfect, but in the words of Irenaeus, "He became what we are that we might become what He is." Not a merit-based salvation, but a faith-based one, excluding noone who believes.

Tocrowkia, I wouldn't worry about that. I mean, the physical act of "babtism" is a very important moment in a Christian's life, but I for one believe that baptism is a symbol of a much deeper, much more important, change that happens internally. The Christian day/season of Pentecost is in remembrance of a day almost 2,000 years ago, shortly after Jesus Christ's resurrection, when the Holy Spirit came and "baptized with fire" those who stood listening to Jesus' closest friends and followers. The importance of baptism (as I understand it) is that it symbolizes your desire to let the Holy Spirit work through you in your life. Hence the adult baptism in several denominations (notably the baptists), because many believe that baptism should be a conscious choice made by the individual who desires to receive the Spirit's influence in their life.
I had thought it was something like that and that baptism wasn't necessary to change internally into a true Christian, like you said, but it seems many people don't think so. I'm annoyed that many Christians have sort of bogged down the true message with ritual and pomp, and some seem to have forgotten the true message of Jesus' salvation for all believers, and simply go through the motions. That always irks me, when the message is lost in the devices used to portray it.

Wow, that turned into a little rant there.

I want to become a Christian(Probably Prosteant), but right now I am unable to, so is it okay to wait a few years to get babtised? Or am I gonna burn in hell anyway?

Although the Catholics will disagree on this one, most Protestants (incluing myself) will tell you that getting baptized isn't a pre-req for heaven. Baptism is more important as a public statement that you are going to follow Christ. Becoming a Christian is really easy. Ask Jesus to forgive you for you sins, and try to follow His example. That's about the jist of it. TG me if you have any more questions.

Thats crap, why the heck did you dis christianity? No one came up with a thread "so you wanna be muslim, eh" that dissed muslims..what the heck?

So here is how it, I will make a REAL thread about christianity very soon with the help of esteemed individuals such as Robbopolis and others...(i dunno why I said your name, maybe because we live in the same state)


On the other hand, you ment this as a complete joke so..."ha-ha!"

So here is how it, I will make a REAL thread about christianity very soon with the help of esteemed individuals such as Robbopolis and others...(i dunno why I said your name, maybe because we live in the same state)
Someone beat you to it:
http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=402289

sweety mother of tacos, ice cream, and the Hindu religion..

Thats crap, why the heck did you dis christianity? No one came up with a thread "so you wanna be muslim, eh" that dissed muslims..what the heck?

So here is how it, I will make a REAL thread about christianity very soon with the help of esteemed individuals such as Robbopolis and others...(i dunno why I said your name, maybe because we live in the same state)

On the other hand, you ment this as a complete joke so..."ha-ha!"

Granted, we got beat to it, but that's very flattering of you. Nice to know that somebody thinks that I'm not just a windbag.