NationStates Jolt Archive

Calling all nations!

Now is your chance to settle this age-old dispute!

In a fight to the death in an open space with no artificial weapons: who would win? The seagull or the monkey?

The monkey, but only if it could catch the gull.

That depends on what type of monkey it was.




Oh wait, I don't care.

My money has always been on the monkey. People say that the seagull would go for the monkey's eyes but I once saw a seagull take ten minutes to peck its way into a bag of crisps. As soon as the seagull gets close, the monkey would be able to catch it. What's the seagull going to do?

In a fight to the death in an open space with no artificial weapons: who would win? The seagull or the monkey?

Could the monkey attempt to lure the seagull with a bag of chips?

The monkey, in a heartbeat. The Seagull is a stupid, stupid bird.

Now a raven, on the other hand. Those are sly creatures.

I'm going to have to consider the bag of chips as an artificial weapon.

I think we have to assume that there is some bad blood between the two animals that has started the fight and that we have to assume that they both want to fight. I don't think monkeys are seagull's natural prey although I did once see a seagull attacking a lamb in a creepy taxidermy musuem (Booth musuem, Hove, England). Maybe the lamb said something about negative about Sebastian Bach.

The monkey, in a heartbeat. The Seagull is a stupid, stupid bird.

Now a raven, on the other hand. Those are sly creatures.

Quoth the raven, only this.

The seagull, those things are so bloody aggressive. I once witnessed a seagull attack an ibis at Circular Quay. It was very persistent... And the ibis ran away to scrounge filth from a bin elsewhere.

I'm going to have to consider the bag of chips as an artificial weapon.


Okay, I'll have to say the seagull. Just out of curiosity, has anyone here ever been divebombed by a seagull?

Just out of curiosity, has anyone here ever been divebombed by a seagull?
No, but I believe Helennia was divebombed by a magpie. :p

They're vicious critters too. I've been pecked by a duck...

The seagull, without a doubt. Unless the monkey has good aim while flinging poo, and can take the seagull down or blind it.

As for the seagull and the crisps, maybe he didn't want to crush them so he was being careful ;)

The seagull will go ape on the monkey

I meant to say Richard Bach. There goes that joke...

If it was only one seagull, I'd go for the monkey :).

Trouble is though, those birds tend to attack in packs. I can remember years ago, my mother, brother and I sitting on the bonnet (hood) of our car at one of South Australia's beaches, eating hot chips. A couple of seagulls arrived, but it was'nt long before 20 to 30 came in en-masse, and we were forced to take refuge in the car. They then sat all over. If anyone has seen Hitchcock's movie The Birds, then thats what it resembled :D.

:D

The monkey, of course.

No, but I believe Helennia was divebombed by a magpie. :p

Ooh, I have too. And it took a chunk out of my scalp. Ouch.

Calling all nations!

Now is your chance to settle this age-old dispute!

In a fight to the death in an open space with no artificial weapons: who would win? The seagull or the monkey?Is the monkey an evil monkey?

They're vicious critters too. I've been pecked by a duck...

Ouch, I've never been pecked! I've been chased by an enraged duck before, though. They're quite scary when they're flying along at head height, quacking at you.

Ooh, I have too. And it took a chunk out of my scalp. Ouch.
Ouch. Do you have a little bald patch? :p

Is the monkey an evil monkey?

The monkey is not "evil" per se, but the monkey is in a very bad mood. It has issues.

Ouch. Do you have a little bald patch? :p

Nah. :p

I didn't actually realise it had done damage until I got to school, and noticed that my hands were covered in blood. Poor creature, I bet I don't taste very nice. :D

Ouch, I've never been pecked! I've been chased by an enraged duck before, though. They're quite scary when they're flying along at head height, quacking at you.

You should have filmed it and won Australia's Funniest Home Videos. Actually, I have a camcorder, shall we re-enact it?:D Run.
:p

Hey Kanabia, is that really you with the bottle of JD and the paper bowl on your head?

Hey Kanabia, is that really you with the bottle of JD and the paper bowl on your head?

Yes, why? Don't believe me? :p And it's actually a ceramic bowl. :D

Yes, why? Don't believe me? :p And it's actually a ceramic bowl. :D

No, it's just that you look just like I pictured, and that's never happened before!:D Ask Colodia, he's not an Italian woman in my eyes any more! ;)

Ouch, I've never been pecked! I've been chased by an enraged duck before, though. They're quite scary when they're flying along at head height, quacking at you.
Bah, I've been attacked by a couple of swans. Of course, this was because I went near their nest, but still. They are nasty. Bigger than geese and one hell of a lot more aggressive.

You should have filmed it and won Australia's Funniest Home Videos. Actually, I have a camcorder, shall we re-enact it?:D Run.
:p

Okay, shall we get Kanabia to don a duck outfit for the purposes of re-enacting it?

Swans? You;ve been lucky, those things can break your bones with those wings.

Hey Kanabia, is that really you with the bottle of JD and the paper bowl on your head?
He wears it to hide the bald patch which I maintain he has! :p

The monkey shall fling poo at the seagull. The seagull will like it.

Both are winners. :)

Bah, I've been attacked by a couple of swans. Of course, this was because I went near their nest, but still. They are nasty. Bigger than geese and one hell of a lot more aggressive.

One word: Cassowary's. (sp?)

Okay, shall we get Kanabia to don a duck outfit for the purposes of re-enacting it?

*Dons duck outfit, complete with fluffy tail* :D

He wears it to hide the bald patch which I maintain he has! :p

Lies. >.> <.<

No, it's just that you look just like I pictured, and that's never happened before!:D Ask Colodia, he's not an Italian woman in my eyes any more! ;)

Heh! That's cool. :D

Is poo an "artificial weapon"? discuss

Is poo an "artificial weapon"? discuss
Bio Chemical :eek:

Is poo an "artificial weapon"? discuss

It's biological and chemical warfare rolled into one (EDIT-heh! no pun intended). Regardless of whether it's artificial, we can all agree that it's a perfect weapon. :D

Bah, I've been attacked by a couple of swans. Of course, this was because I went near their nest, but still. They are nasty. Bigger than geese and one hell of a lot more aggressive.

Swans are nasty. I do a bit of kayaking and I have to be very cautious when paddling around swans. It's difficult to run away when you're stuck in a kayak.

Is poo an "artificial weapon"? discuss

It depends on what you've been eating.

He wears it to hide the bald patch which I maintain he has! :p

Well, I done some investigatin, and I come up with this picture, which must have been taken in a fit of tomfoolery.

Anyway, here's the proof you need.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v639/Guo2/weird9ad.bmp

the proof in the form of a tiny picture.

I've been attacked by both a magpie and a duck, but that's nothing compared to the poor guy I saw attacked by geese at my cousins'. :eek:

Originally Posted by Summer of George
Is poo an "artificial weapon"? discuss

Yes, I'm studying microbiology at the moment, and yes. Poo is full on biological warfare. (We had to culture fake faeces...)

That said, the human mouth apparently has more bacteria than a dogs...

Well, I done some investigatin, and I come up with this picture, which must have been taken in a fit of tomfoolery.

Anyway, here's the proof you need.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v...o2/weird9ad.bmp

the proof in the form of a tiny picture.

SPRUNG!!! Don't worry, there's always toupees. ;)

One word: Cassowary's. (sp?)

If we're going for exotic and nasty ostriches definitely make the cut. What's funny is that emu's are almost completely non-aggressive.

Ah yes, the age-long battle between the primate and the ruler of the sky. I think the monkey would win with his powers to destroy other intelligent life. Wait a minute that's mankind. Well then the seagull will win for his attack is poisenous... goddamn that's sheep. Okay people it will be a draw and I can't wait until some-one opens a thread about sheep vs mankind, the eternal battle between evil and good.

Well, I done some investigatin, and I come up with this picture, which must have been taken in a fit of tomfoolery.

Anyway, here's the proof you need.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v639/Guo2/weird9ad.bmp

the proof in the form of a tiny picture.

No bald patch! RARGH!!! *kicks and punches*

If we're going for exotic and nasty ostriches definitely make the cut. What's funny is that emu's are almost completely non-aggressive.

Yeah, mostly. They still peck though.

Cassowary. (http://www.unfamiliar-image.co.uk/photos/cassowary.jpg)

I maintain that Cassowaries are the worst though. That thing on their head is pure bone, and they charge people with it. I think several people have died after being attacked by them.

Monkey, becasue they are little balls of muscle. :sniper:

Yeah, mostly. They still peck though.

Cassowary. (http://www.unfamiliar-image.co.uk/photos/cassowary.jpg)

I maintain that Cassowaries are the worst though. That thing on their head is pure bone, and they charge people with it. I think several people have died after being attacked by them.

Okay, than the monkey wielding a Cassowary would win. Unless the Cassowary is considered an artificial weapon. :p

Ah yes, the age-long battle between the primate and the ruler of the sky.

You have no idea. This debate has been going on for years. Ever since that drunken night in the Pavillion gardens and my incredulity at the mere suggestion that the seagull would win...

For a minute there, I thought you were going to bring Planet of the Apes into this. Someone mentioned The Birds earlier. I've not seen it, but I'm pretty sure the birds don't eradicate mankind and evolve into the dominant species, allowing only mute humans to survive in the wilderness while faceless mutants worhsip an atomic bomb. But I might be wrong.

The seagull. Monkeys are simple creatures whereas seagulls are vicious, nasty and have very sharp beaks. With both eyes pecked out the monkey will not be able to see gull so it will be able to pick it off at its leisure.

You have no idea. This debate has been going on for years. Ever since that drunken night in the Pavillion gardens and my incredulity at the mere suggestion that the seagull would win...

For a minute there, I thought you were going to bring Planet of the Apes into this. Someone mentioned The Birds earlier. I've not seen it, but I'm pretty sure the birds don't eradicate mankind and evolve into the dominant species, allowing only mute humans to survive in the wilderness while faceless mutants worhsip an atomic bomb. But I might be wrong.

Obviously you're not a natural history freak like me, birds used to rule the planet.

birds used to rule the planet.

Without wishing to sound rude, I think "rule" might be a slight overstatement. It seems to me that they were mostly just sitting around waiting for somebody to invent chips.

Okay, than the monkey wielding a Cassowary would win. Unless the Cassowary is considered an artificial weapon. :p

Well, the seagull could wield a gorilla to balance it out. :D

Without wishing to sound rude, I think "rule" might be a slight overstatement. It seems to me that they were mostly just sitting around waiting for somebody to invent chips.

And cars. Pooping on trees is just no substitute.

Well, the seagull could wield a gorilla to balance it out.
Nah, it's gotta be a baboon. Have you seen the fangs on them? :p And they're aggressive. They also stole my friend's jewellery when she was camping... I love having lived in South Africa. :D

Nah, it's gotta be a baboon. Have you seen the fangs on them? :p And they're aggressive. They also stole my friend's jewellery when she was camping... I love having lived in South Africa. :D

Oh yeah! And they have brightly coloured butts. That's a plus. :D

Well, the seagull could wield a gorilla to balance it out. :D
In which case the monkey would grab a Cape Buffalo. This would be the end of the matter because the Cape Buffalo would end up killing everything else including the monkey.

Oh yeah! And they have brightly coloured butts. That's a plus. :D

Always has been, always will be. :)

In which case the monkey would grab a Cape Buffalo. This would be the end of the matter because the Cape Buffalo would end up killing everything else including the monkey.

I don't know about that....brightly coloured butts on those baboons, remember? :D

Always has been, always will be. :)

:D

The Seagull. They're actually way cleverer than ravens. All ravens do is eat carrion. I saw two seagulls gang up on this fat tourist once, one flapped in his face and the other flew off with his fish and chips. See? Sly bastards...


I don't think monkeys are seagull's natural prey although I did once see a seagull attacking a lamb in a creepy taxidermy musuem (Booth musuem, Hove, England). Maybe the lamb said something about negative about Sebastian Bach.

I was just about to say that! Small world, eh?

A lot of the thoughts here are based around people who have witnessed the unexpected ferocity of a seagull attack. Now remember this is a suprise violent incident in an otherwise tame urban environment and that seagulls are always bigger than you think because in your mind's eye your deafult urban bird is a pigeon. THis is why, i believe, the significance of these reports is exagerated.

Now, take the monkey on the other hand. Furry and cute objects of humour. few of us have actually witnessed the devastating fury of a pissed-off monkey in search of your chips and woe betide you if you attempt to fight it.

Objectively, the attack of the monkey is far more devastating. I believe that people have been conditioned by their own experience to make a subjective judgement about what is, after all, a matter for learned academic debate: who whups ass the best?

You were asked: who would win in a fight between a monkey and a seagull? The results of the mass debate are now in:

Seagull- 7 votes
Monkey- 6 votes
Draw- 2 votes
Ostritch- 1 vote
Cassowary- 1 vote
Baboon- 1 vote
Monkey with a cassowary- 1 vote
Draw between monkey with a cassowary versus a seagull with a gorilla- 1 vote
Monkey with a cape buffallo verus anything- 1 vote

You're all insane, of course, but you know that already.

My first instinct was to say the monkey, but then I remembered that at my secondary school there were seagulls AS BIG AS DOGS!!! And they have really big runny poo, that would kill the monkey, plus they divebomb and squawk, and they're much more naturally agressive than monkeys - monkeys just prefer to take cars apart and eat the rubber bits. Seagulls have no rubber bits, so monkeys would have no interest in them.

Calling all nations!

Now is your chance to settle this age-old dispute!

In a fight to the death in an open space with no artificial weapons: who would win? The seagull or the monkey?
Batman

Monkey with a cape buffallo verus anything- 1 vote
No no no, that vote was that the cape buffalo would get pissed off and kill everything else.