NationStates Jolt Archive

A friend of mine put this up on a private board and it cracked me up so I thought I'd bring it here. I had the same reaction as my friend-I had no idea whatsoever that I was goth, but according to this...

Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone
astray from the Lord. Gothic (or Goth) is a very obscure and often
dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The
gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of
evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through
counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's
temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewellery or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord.
Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dresses acts or speaks eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible,
prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult,
witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a
Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His
love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health
centre.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak
to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a
few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe
this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be
stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your
local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) 1
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the Internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases:
"I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a Goth".
-Claims to be a Goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately.
The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of
these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health centre.

St. Mary's Catholic Church

The Count Chokula thing is fantastic.

Half of that stuff is done by most every teen out there. I would probably be classifed a goth by that list, too.

*stabs pencil into ear*

Must...make...brain...stop...hurting....

Goths dance by stepping about rapidly and looking at their feet while taking a drag from their cigarette every three seconds.

Don't any of you watch South Park!? Jeez Louise!

Now, just out of curiousity, how would a good Catholic who buys into that load of BS enough to publish it find out that much about Goth culture anyway? Whoops, did the writer just reveal him/herself to be an idiot?

lmao

i stopped counting after about 12 checks... good to know that philosophy is a dangerous cult

Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

This one never ceases to amuse me.

Woot! I scored 17! :D

This is bloody hilarious. I hope there's no one that would actually believe this as truth. Of course Buddhism and Satanism are equivalent!

dear fools,

those who didn't notice that the list was a joke deserve the following:

:sniper:

followed by :mp5:

and :gundge:

I will then make love to your carcass :fluffle:

dear fools,

those who didn't notice that the list was a joke deserve the following:

:sniper:

followed by :mp5:

and :gundge:

I will then make love to your carcass :fluffle:

Oh don't worry, I think the poor spelling and bad grammer gave it away long before the BS content did.

Silly noobs with their guns.

dear fools,

those who didn't notice that the list was a joke deserve the following:

aww.. you ruin the fun!!

I was all for the rising up of the Gothic Nationstates army (those that use the internet..)

Frequently wears black clothing.
Complains of boredom.
Sleeps too excessively or too little.
Spends large amounts of time alone. (not my fault I don't have friends:()
Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (*sigh* Damn that Simpsons!:p)
Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. (damn you NS!)
Uses the Internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

There you go, 7 just by skimming through! GOTHIC AND PROUD!

Well, I guess by that list you can count me into the goth culture.

Count Chocula? Philosophy? Scientology? wtf? I know, how about we bring back witch trials and the inquisition? Oh wait, never mind, then I'd have to hide.

Damn Goths tell them to go back to the Visi-goths and Hunnic leagues. :mp5:
Burn their architecture. ;)

Terrible, I feel so stereotyped now, and I'm just borderline goth. You know, the ones who really dig goth culture, but still blend in perfectly with "normal" society.

:headbang: Dammit I'm thick at the moment

I think I hit 14 of them, but then again this is me:

http://www.gulfcoastvillas.com/thecure/gallery/robert/robert10.jpg

And not only do I eat Count Chocula, I also substitute blood for milk! :eek:

Somehow I get the feeling this list was amended and updated from some previous histrionic pamphlet about uhhh, metalheads or punks or glam rockers or hippies or beatniks or jitterbuggers or something...

Somehow I get the feeling this list was amended and updated from some previous histrionic pamphlet about uhhh, metalheads or punks or glam rockers or hippies or beatniks or jitterbuggers or something...

Jitterbuggers? Man it's been awhile since I've heard that one. I am so labeling myself a jitterbugger now. Mostly because it has the word bugger in it, which is pretty close to booger.

Bolded items apply to me.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewellery or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord.
Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dresses acts or speaks eccentrically
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible,
prayer, church or sports. -
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult,
witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a
Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His
love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health
centre.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a
few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. -
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be
stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your
local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the Internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases:
"I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a Goth".
-Claims to be a Goth.
_________________________________________________________________
YAY!!! A 23!!! It looks like I'm on by way to being an Uber-Goth :D

If you go to the St. Mary website (which to be fair, I couldn't find this anywhere-but a lot of sites had the list making fun of it, so...) there is this bit of slight irony:
Our Gothic church is located in the Historic District of Annapolis and is attended by the Redemptorists and School Sisters of Notre Dame.

Jitterbuggers? Man it's been awhile since I've heard that one. I am so labeling myself a jitterbugger now. Mostly because it has the word bugger in it, which is pretty close to booger.

I love listening to Cab Calloway, who was recording songs about smoking reefer, prostitution, and opium dens in Chicago back in the twenties and thirties. You hear the music, and at first it just seems quaint, old - but then you realize just how insane it all must have seemed to people at the time, how uproarious and chaotic the music really is - not to mention the scandalousness of the subject matter...and then it dawns on you that all those old decrepit people that people tend to treat like porcelain dolls were all just as much into partying down as you are right now...and then you know for sure that you MUST be a jitterbug.

"Reefer Man"
"Minnie the Moocher"
"Jitterbug"

All very worthwhile .mp3s to listen to - and kinda historical now, too. Discover your grandparents (or I guess great-grandparents) weren't a bunch of uptight prudes like you thought they were.

I love listening to Cab Calloway, who was recording songs about smoking reefer, prostitution, and opium dens in Chicago back in the twenties and thirties. You hear the music, and at first it just seems quaint, old - but then you realize just how insane it all must have seemed to people at the time, how uproarious and chaotic the music really is - not to mention the scandalousness of the subject matter...and then it dawns on you that all those old decrepit people that people tend to treat like porcelain dolls were all just as much into partying down as you are right now...and then you know for sure that you MUST be a jitterbug.

"Reefer Man"
"Minnie the Moocher"
"Jitterbug"

All very worthwhile .mp3s to listen to - and kinda historical now, too. Discover your grandparents (or I guess great-grandparents) weren't a bunch of uptight prudes like you thought they were.
If he said he swam to china, and he sell you south carolina
Then you know you're talkin' to that reefer man...

I think I hit 14 of them, but then again this is me: -snip-

I have a friend who actually does look like Robert Smith, but he also has no idea who he is. :p

token 'old' comment (that people have come to expect of me)

-Associates with other people that dresses acts or speaks eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible,
prayer, church or sports
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak
to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a
few examples of this.
Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your
local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) 1
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the Internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism

guess im a goth
*Hisssssssssssss*