Bolol
28-02-2005, 04:06
Bolol, Computer Exorcist here today to tell you about the dangers of demonic posession in your PC.
What are the warning signs?
-Continual 404 messages, followed by an "I ownz j00!" message coming from the server.
-The speakers of your computer sending out static that, when played backwards, reads in Latin.
-Purple smoke and the smell of sulfur coming from your CD-R/CD-RW drive.
-Backtalk...
-The computer seems to delibrately shut itself down at completely unapropriate times; ie, term paper.
-The computer refuses to shut itself down at the RIGHT time; ie, caught looking at pr0n.
-Every time you get angry at your computer, (ie hitting it or yelling at it) it responds with a " :mad: " smile.
The List goes on and on...Now you may be wondering: "what do I do with my Satan Spawn computer?"
Well, some basic supplies.
-Holy Water (Preferably processed through a major water company such as Poland Springs or Aquafina, as they can churn out that stuff FAST)
-A crucifix made from pure silicon.
-A tool kit blessed by the Pope.
-A basic Norton Anti-Virus program (Also blessed by the Pope)
-Coffee...
-The blood of a goat.
-38 pounds of garlic.
-A set of Battlestar Galactica figurines. (They frighten the demonic spirits)
Be sure to wear static-free clothing and make certain that you have unplugged your computer to prevent the posession from spreading. Sit in a circle of candles with the computer in the center, and chant the "Idiots Guide to Computer Repair" in its ENTIRTY twenty times, while listening to the "Armageddon" soundtrack, as the demons usually HATE Aerosmith.
This should rid your computer of the demonic posession. If this doesn't work, consult your local priest, rabbi, holy man, computer programer, or D&D Geek for further instructions.
Should possesion persist for more than 40 days, grab daddy's shotgun and put a deer slug into the offending PC. Call 1-800-mypcwantstoeatme, and immediatly put the shards into zip-lock bag and await the arrival of Swiss Guards from the Vatican, who will dispose of it themselves.
Thank you for your time!
This post has been removed for explaining how to circumvent NationStates security measures.
[This post shows signs of tampering by the NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester.]
What are the warning signs?
-Continual 404 messages, followed by an "I ownz j00!" message coming from the server.
-The speakers of your computer sending out static that, when played backwards, reads in Latin.
-Purple smoke and the smell of sulfur coming from your CD-R/CD-RW drive.
-Backtalk...
-The computer seems to delibrately shut itself down at completely unapropriate times; ie, term paper.
-The computer refuses to shut itself down at the RIGHT time; ie, caught looking at pr0n.
-Every time you get angry at your computer, (ie hitting it or yelling at it) it responds with a " :mad: " smile.
The List goes on and on...Now you may be wondering: "what do I do with my Satan Spawn computer?"
Well, some basic supplies.
-Holy Water (Preferably processed through a major water company such as Poland Springs or Aquafina, as they can churn out that stuff FAST)
-A crucifix made from pure silicon.
-A tool kit blessed by the Pope.
-A basic Norton Anti-Virus program (Also blessed by the Pope)
-Coffee...
-The blood of a goat.
-38 pounds of garlic.
-A set of Battlestar Galactica figurines. (They frighten the demonic spirits)
Be sure to wear static-free clothing and make certain that you have unplugged your computer to prevent the posession from spreading. Sit in a circle of candles with the computer in the center, and chant the "Idiots Guide to Computer Repair" in its ENTIRTY twenty times, while listening to the "Armageddon" soundtrack, as the demons usually HATE Aerosmith.
This should rid your computer of the demonic posession. If this doesn't work, consult your local priest, rabbi, holy man, computer programer, or D&D Geek for further instructions.
Should possesion persist for more than 40 days, grab daddy's shotgun and put a deer slug into the offending PC. Call 1-800-mypcwantstoeatme, and immediatly put the shards into zip-lock bag and await the arrival of Swiss Guards from the Vatican, who will dispose of it themselves.
Thank you for your time!
This post has been removed for explaining how to circumvent NationStates security measures.
[This post shows signs of tampering by the NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester.]