NationStates Jolt Archive

Alright, everyone, I've got an idea. Everyone post (original) movie laws of physics. I'll start a few. Also, please number them- if I were to write, say, 5 laws, numbered 1, 2, etc., you would begin on number 6. The person after you will then start numbering where you left off.

1. Law of Ballistic Incandesence

Bullets are well known for the fact that they appear bright orange at night, and appear blurred yet visible in daylight. They are also known for giving of sparks whenever they make contact, even on stone surfices.


2. Law of Catholic Superiority

The Catholic church is infinitly more cool than any other fellowship of worship. Vampire hunters, demon slayers, and even Exorcists are known for being produced with surprising regularity by the Catholic church.


3. Law of Torn Attire

If an outfit is torn, it will invariably be ripped so that if the wearer is
a) female, as much of her chest and stomach will be showing as possible for the attempted rating, or
b) male, the hero's pects, abs, and large upper arms will be showing as possible.


4. The Storm-Trooper Effect

Any underlings who attempt to shoot a hero will invariably miss.
CORROLARY A: The chance of hitting is exponentially decreased for each of the following factors: If it is a clear shot; if the hero is standing straight up; if it is daylight; if their weapons have scopes.
CORROLARY B: The hero is highly likely to shoot and kill many of the afore-mentioned underlings, especialy if he is drunk, near uncontious, concussed, upside-down, and using a broken weapon.

Continue, please!

Law of Plot Devices.

Anything deemed important within the last few minutes of a movie will affect the plot regardless of how shallow or pointless that thing is.

Alot of these are going to correlate with the anime laws of physics


5. Law of Inverse Firepower
The size of a gun is inversely proportional the the amount of punch it packs.

5. Law of Fat People - Fat people are always either sweaty, rude, from New York, or some combination of all the above.

6. Law of Speed - Cars can drive fast enough to outrun a helicopter chasing them with a huge machine gun mounted on it.

7. Law of Explosions - Explosions will always miss the star of the movie by at least one meter.

Hero Superiority
The hero can dodge thousands of bullets, and get in numerous fights, while all enemies need just a punch to finish them off.

The hero can only be injured if he has a girl to "tend his wounds"

8. Bullets: Every action has an unequal reaction.

Recent Mythbusters episode. Anyone who is shot flies backwards into the nearest window, ledge, or sharp object, no matter how far. It does not matter what weapon is being fired.

#7: Law of Computer Pyrotechnics.

When a computer crashes it will explodes.

#8:: Law of something else computer related.

Smashing a computer screen will not only cause a small explosion, but will also destroy the computer's hard drive.

Law of ammunition conjuring.

The hero will rarely, no matter how much he fires, need to reload.

Number these, people! Please!

2nd Law of Explosions
Any explosion within 5 meters of a bad guy will kill or seriously injure them. All heros within a radius of an explosion will only be blown down or over something.

One can always hear spaceships flying by and/or exploding. Even in a vacuum.

12. The only thing that explodes better than a helicopter, relative to its mass, is an embassy.

13. A laser which can cut through several inches of steel will be diverted by pocket change.

14. The believeability of a nefarious plot is inversely proportinal to the amount of megasyllabic words used to describe it.

15. Law of Hacker Superiority.

With a simple modem a teenager can access any computer system in the world by being very lucky in guessing passwords.

16. Speed of Light:

Weaponised laser beams are specially adapted so that they travel at slower than the speed of light. Especially when fired at fleeing heros in the vicinity of a corner.

17) The believability of a mecha's performance is inversely proportional to its size
Corollary A: The powerful "secret weapon"-type mecha will always fall into the hands of an angsty teenager
Corollary B: The angstier the teen is, the more likely he has some sort of special ability (Newtype, Coordinator, SEED, etc)

18) One mecha, well-armed enough, can take out an entire fleet.

19) The closer-range a combat situation becomes, the more likely the hero and villain will engange in philosophical discourse.

17. The Law of Bullet Motions:
A bullet in motion stays in motion, unless it encounters an important charecter, in which case the bullets path is diverted to the extent needed to ricochet off the wall and send sparks flying.

18. Law of Female Actors:
Breasts in motion tend to stay in motion.

19. Law of Inverse Relations:
No matter how badly things start off, or even end, the hero WILL get the girl.

20. Law of Medical Wossnames:
The hero can survive exactly enough radiation/poison/smoke inhaltion to save the day, at the end there is a %95 chance that he will go unconcious, wake up in a hospital with his girl, in which case law 19 goes into effect. The other %5 is that he will make a brave sacrifice for the world and so forth.

21. Law of Aliens:
Any alien will automaticaly be deemed hostile if it is repitilian or excretes excess slime.

22. Law of Recoil:
Automatic weapons have no recoil. Not even miniguns firing on full auto.

23. Law of Instant heat Dispertion:
Weapons never overheat unless its dramatic.

17) The believability of a mecha's performance is inversely proportional to its size
Corollary A: The powerful "secret weapon"-type mecha will always fall into the hands of an angsty teenager
Corollary B: The angstier the teen is, the more likely he has some sort of special ability (Newtype, Coordinator, SEED, etc)

18) One mecha, well-armed enough, can take out an entire fleet.

19) The closer-range a combat situation becomes, the more likely the hero and villain will engange in philosophical discuourse.
I missed all the mecha MOVIES -_-

24. Conservation of Momentum.

A mere detail and not one for heros to worry about. Except for occasional comic effect.

Don'tgonearthere? Are you a Terry Pratchett fan? Don'tgonearthere reminds me of Don'tgonearthe Castle, and "Wossname" is a common TPratchett phrase, so...

25. In movies, all cars are packed with explosives, to ensure that if their gas tanks are hit they literaly fly off the ground.

25. Law of Villainous Stupidity

-Villains of any nature tend to give away plans of domination, whether they are aware of this or not.

26. Law of Government Organizations

-Government organizations are always "evil" if their name contains the words "shadow" "dark" etc. Government organizations are always "good" if the name is an acronym; ie FBI, ATF. With the exception of CIA which is ALWAYS evil.

27. Law of Animals

-You throw in a monkey, or a cow, or a hampster, it is INSTANTLY funny, or at least the producers think so...

EDIT: Oops, forgot one.

Law of Trenchcoats

If the character is wearing a trenchcoat, that character is INSTANTLY labeled a "badass".

26. the villain wears black.

27. no matter how long the hero runs, he can stop and fight for 20 minutes without losing his breath, and start running again.

28. you can incapacitate a guard with nothing more than a slap to the back of the head.

29. the hero has more blood than the NYC blood bank

30. the hero can fall from a 30 story building, get up and run away, but when the villain falls 10 feet, he is completely incapacitated.

31. all henchmen will take turns fighting the hero.

32. anger is directly proportional to focus.

33. the villain has always had previous relations with the girl.

34. no matter what th villain, he has a seemingly endless cash flow.

35. the sidekick can be thrown 40 feet across a room directly into a wall and not die, but an accidental strike by the hero kills him.

Not quite physics, but oh well:

28) The Law of Supercomputers
All computers will have a highly advanced console program that will understand plain English, and "override security" always works.

Law of Named Characters
The damage a character receives in an accident is inversely proportional to their importance, usually signified by having a real name.

Law of Inevitable Termination
All super weapons of the bad guy will have one of the following: inherent self-destruct ability if not a button; an off command; an inherent flaw that stops the utter destruction of the world.

Law of Shattered Glass
Shards of glass are harmless, especially when they are produced by the hero jumping headfirst through a window.

36 Spaceships will explode in a flaming orange fireball when the hull is breached. The presence of oxygen required for combustion of said orange fireball is obvious - the cameraman brought it.

37 All good characters are immune to PTSD. Compassionate, caring, considerate heroes can take a hand gun and kill 27 people with it, then go dancing with the girl at the end of the hostilities. Heroes never vomit, break into sweats, develop twitches, or pee their pants, no matter how much blood is on their hands. The horror of ending forever another human life never makes them cry.

38 In direct contrast to #37 above, heroes will grieve the death of a girl they met at a bar 15 minutes ago. This grieving makes them faster, stronger, and better marksmen in direct porportion to the attractiveness of the girl. If she's a real hottie, the hero will be able to bend gun barrels with his bare hands and his primordal screams will shatter large plates of bullet proof glass.

39. Law of Venereal Disease: No matter how many women the main character shares a bed with, he will never get anything. Also see number 40.

40. Unless he is married to the woman, the main character will never get the love interest pregnant.

These two, combined, explain why James Bond didn't die of "Unknown Causes" at the age of forty, proud father of 20 bastard children...

41: Law of vehicle inversion - when a vehicle strikes another vehicle from behind, it does not crumple. Instead, it climbs the front vehicle, flipping to one side and bursting into flame.

41a: Blues Brothers variant - no matter how horrific the crash, no vehicle bearing police lights that is involved in a crash will ever injure the riders. Policemen are invulnerable to accidents.

Law 42: Assault Weapons Usage

Criminals will always use automatic assault weapons. Always. Even though assault weapons are usually big, heavy, impracitcal, and expensive, criminals always manage to have at least one assault weapon.

Law of Aerodynamics
The protaganist when is falling off a surface, shall land comepletely unharmed on the ground.

43. Law of Quips. The hero always has just enough time to make a witty comment. Always. This is because the space time continum will momentarily warp, slowing time down as a dramatic heartbeat is heard.

Law of Racial Inheritance
All people know how to do things based on their particular race: all asian people know a form of martial arts; all black or latino people can box or equivolent there of; etc.

Law of Gushing

The human body contains 800 gallons of blood at high pressure.

Law of Irrationality
In various cases the protagonist shall comit an act of irrationality, but int he end it will have proved to helpful and those who argued against it will be ostracized or accept it.

law of ridiculously obvious villian-nous

-the villians will always have an evil demeanor about them, have a flag with skulls, blood, etc on it, and speak with many threats and evil intonations. for some reason, villians also appear to enjoy dwelling in dark, decrepid, nasty places. it also helps if the villian is ugly.

Law of Character Part 1
The villian shall often be wealthy and appear nice on the surface, also s/he will wield great power.

Law of un-universal gravitation
-No matter how short the distance is and now matter how long before the Hero jumps after the Girl/sidekick/random guy falls/is pushed, the Hero will always catch the girl

Law of Momentum
-No matter what the Hero and the Girl/sidekick's combined weight is and no matter how fast they are falling, the Hero will always use exotic rope device/grab hold of something just in time that they can be safely lowered/dropped to the ground and will not break any bone in his body.

Law of exotic technology
-the coolness of any given gadget is inversely proportional to its size
-also, no matter how thin the rope is, it will always support the Hero and any three other peoples weight if it came out of
A) a watch
or
B ) a belt
-also, the gadget will allways preform exactly as designed no ,atter how much abuse it has taken unless
A) it belongs to/was stolen by the Villian
B ) it working diferently or not working is a device for plot advancement

laws of vehicles
-no vehicle driven by the Hero will ever run out of gas
-no matter how many gadgets or exotic devices the car contains, it will never be slower than at least twice the speed of the car if you went and bought one and it will always contain working safety features

Jaws Law
-Jaws will never die, ever, in fact, he is immortal.

The law of defeating the undefeatable opponent
-In order to do so the Hero must enlist the aid of
A) A beutiful/unstereotypical female scientist/adventurer
B ) a wacky/zany/eccentric professor
C) some one who has some compelling reason to hate the Hero
D ) someone the Hero has some compelling reason to hate
E ) The last person you would ever expect.

the law of exotic EMW frquencies
part 1 Infrared
-it can see through walls
- it will never be blurred/blocked/confused by steam pipes, fires, heat sources
- it works on sattelites in outer space.
- Infrared Goggles can be any size from small reading glasses to huge five ounce sun glasses
part 2 milimeter wave
-cannot be blocked by anything
- a millimeter wave set can fit into your glasses and present realtime high definition displays directly to your eyes.

the Law of Heatseeking rockets
-they never miss the bad guy, even when fired at the good guy, they can always be spoffed to hit the bad guy
-you can fire them from a stinger and hit a guy in a room full of pipes smoking a cigarette.
-They are no harder to use than any other guided rocket, which means that two year old could use one

that's it for now, most of these are from the James Bond movies, but most are confirmed by other movies

the law of quentin tarentino

all hitmen spend 80 percent of their days having conversation and the other 20 percent dying or cleaning up blood. tremendous amounts of violence take about 1 second.

the 1st law of drugs
noone ever has trouble finding drugs to buy.

the 2nd law of drugs
all cops know what cocaine tastes like.

Law of Scarface
There is no such thing as too much cocaine.

3rd law of drugs
-no matter how many times cops sample cocaine, it will never ever show up on their weekly drug test

4th Law of Drugs
Drugs affect the character to an unbelievable degree.

Law of Scarface
There is no such thing as too much cocaine.

LOL!

Law of Scarface 2
If the good guy is wearing bullet-proof armor from the 80's, he will be invulnerable to over 1000 M16 bullets, AK-47 bullets, Pistol Bullets, etc, but not invincible to a mere shotgun shot by a guy wearing glasses.

Law of Scarface 3
No matter how coke you sell, you will never go to prison.

# Whatever. I think 53?

Law of Chuck Norris
All henchmen will abandon their guns in favor of attacking Chuck Norris with hand-to-hand combat. Chuck Norris will always defeat said henchmen, without obtaining a single wound, unless obtaining wound is relavent to plot advancement.

#54
Second Law of Chuck Norris
If there is a tying decision, Chuck Norris will always vote for the hero of the story, no matter the circimstances, thus braking the tie in favor of the hero.

55. Law of Opponent Aiming

No matter how well-trained enemy soldiers, minions, and mercenaries are, any bullet they fire will veer off-course slightly, causing the hero of the story to only receive a minor wound that will cause him to cringe in extreme pain, but manage to only hinder him for a maximum of 2 minutes. After that, the wound will miraculously heal, yet leave a horrendous scar.

25. In movies, all cars are packed with explosives, to ensure that if their gas tanks are hit they literaly fly off the ground.
25 (a) spaceships' hulls are packed with gasoline tanks with no purpose other than to cause any potential explosion to be bright orange.

Law of Villainy
Villains will always, ALWAYS possess a postgraduate-level vocabulary, and will employ said vocabulary when in conversation with the hero.
COROLLARY A: Villains will never display their stupendous intelligence when surrounded only by henchmen/cohorts.
COROLLARY B: The extraordinary intelligence of the villain will ensure that he/she, after getting the hero into some kind of inescapable situation (cornered on a roof with an empty gun, tied up in an underground lair, villain has gun at the hero's head at point-blank range), will engage in an extended discourse with the hero-the length of which shall be exactly equal to the length of time needed for the hero to find some method of escape/be rescued by a secondary character.

#56: Law of Time
On a bomb's digital countdown, time frequently slows down, giving the hero plenty of time to defuse the bomb.

Since this has gone completely to hell

Mr T Corollary
Any movies/scenes involving Mr T will be inherently bad ass by Mr T's presence and Mr T will always whip more ass than the average good guy without actually being the movie's hero.

First law of morality (the inverse style law): Men with a "rugged" appearance will invariably be more moral and make better decisions than those who shave every morning.

Second law of morality (the inverse intelligence law): Any man with a post-secondary education or noticably high intelligence will be evil unless he suffers from a debilitating physical or psychological handicap. His decision making skills will still be inferior to those of a "rugged" man with a highschool diploma.

Third law of morality (inverse class law): All men with English accents are purely and irredemably evil. If he is not revealed to be evil by the end of the movie they're saving it for a sequel. His decision making skills are still inferior to the "rugged" man with a highschool diploma and a midwestern American accent.

# 57
Law of Civilian Cars/Trucks
Once a hero enters and drives any civilian car, truck, mini-van, SUV or scooter, it becomes bulletproof, and regardless of how many times it is shoot, it will not blow up until the hero exits said mode of transportation, only then will it explode. This is reversed for villians/henchmen, as cars they drive become even more suscetable to bullets and oil slicks. This is true for armored trucks, etc. driven by henchmen and villians.

# 58
Law of Charles' Angels
The Angels always know the solution to the problem, often solving complex mysteries by just looking at a single piece of the puzzle.

This isn't really physics but anyway.

You can get anywhere in a building through the air vents

All bombs have a countdown in big red letters on them

The Burt Reynolds Law of Sports Movies

All sports movies are more violent than the real thing

This isn't really physics but anyway.

You can get anywhere in a building through the air vents

All bombs have a countdown in big red letters on them

Adamanment: All bomb timers are deactivated by cutting the red wire, unless the hero cuts any other wire, wherethen said cut wire is shown to be a red wire with the second color over it.

The "I'm Not Racist" Law

All people of ethnicity in children's movies will have an ability that directly contradicts their racial stereotype, as to avoid appearances of racism by the director.
(Ex. All black guys are geniuses, whites are "hip", no latinos have accents, etc.)

Corrolary
The reverse is true for teen movies, where all people fit into their racial stereotype.
(Ex. Even if he is the President of the United States, black men will call women "ho".)

law of civilian vehicles;
Addendum;
The bad guys cars will always be affected by any oil slick/smoke screen to the maximum extent whereas the hero will miraculously avoid and/or be unaffected by these obstacles. also, the good guys car has either self reinflating tires or run flat wheels.

Law of Motorcycles
The hero can always ride a motorcycle and can make any jump he sees with out any preperation, also, he can lay a 'bike' on its side and skid for however long he pleases without taking any damage but the vilains will always be killed doing either stunt (jumping or sliding)
The hero can use any weapon upto and including a removed tank gun while riding a motorcycle with no effects on either his driving or his aim but a bad guy attempting to use a pistol and drive a motorcycle will lose his concentration and run inot something.
Whenever the hero loses his concentration or makes a mistake, he will recover quickly or stumble onto a plot device, whereas the bad guys will burst into flame and die.

The law of Spoken effect
The hero, when cornered and trying to bluff his way out, can do anything he says he can even if he has never doen it before in his life or it is other wise impossible.

Law of ninjas: The effectiveness of any ninja is inversely proportional to the number of ninjas in any group. Therefore, the Ninja army are sissies, but the Lone Ninja is a badass.
Corrollary 1: A group of Ninjas will become more skilled as you kill them off.

Law of necessary skill: The ability of any of the "Good guys" to do any one thing is directly proportional to their sudden and immediate need to do it. Therefore a guy can't shoot the broad side of a barn at point blank, but when he's falling out of a thirtieth story window on a bungee cord to the tenth story where the villain is holding his girlfriend, he will be able to, after a moment of concentration, shoot the knife he is holding at her throat out of his hand, and then burst through the breaking window.

Law of restraints: Any type of restraints, no matter how immovable, can be escaped from given enough time unobserved.

Law of insanity: No one who is obviously insane will ever die.

First law of motion in space:

Energy expended in propulsion will go to velocity, not acceleration. This means that the engines have to be running all the time or the ship will stop.

Second law of motion in space:

Gravity exists wherever an atmosphere does, and nowhere else.

Third law of motion in space:

Everything travels at the speed of plot.

First law of architecture:

Any building, regardless of how imbalanced, structurally unsound, or unfeasible given contemporary technology it may be, will stand in the face of anything from wind to rain to aliens to God Almighty, unless said anything involves explosives or giant robots.

59. All vehicles going off cliffs will explode into a large fireball.
60. If the hero is in the vehicle, he will first be thrown free.

I prefer SSBM laws of physics, those are the best!

Law of hand to hand combat:

No matter how high the level of technology, hand to hand combat will remain the most effective and commonly used method of fighting. This is particularly true for major plot characters, due to their immunity to all ranged weapons. All battles between major plot characters involve hand to hand combat.

Law of inverse emotion:

As the amount of time two characters of opposite genders spend arguing increases, the probabilty they will eventually end up in a romantic relationship together approaches 100%.

Law Electronic Frankensteinism:

Any powerful computer or robot will inevitably turn on it's creator, assuming that the creator is a villian.

Addendum: In the event of the robot or computer not turning on it's creator, the hero will be able to easily deactivate it by pressing a single button.

Law of inverse military strength:

A small, outnumbered, isolated and ill-equipped force will almost always be able to defeat a massive, overwhelming and superior army. If said small force is not able to win the battle, it will be saved at the last minute by reinforcements.

Law of familial elimination:

In any war movie, the size of your family is inversely proportional to your odds of survival.

Addendum: Carrying a picture of your wife and kids which you frequently show to others ensures death.

Law of explosions and structural collapse:

When the villian is killed, his fortress will inevitably either explode or simply collapse, even if there is no clear reason for this to have happened.

Law of the wrench:

No matter how complex and well protected the machinery is, tossing a wrench into the gears will always destroy it.

Law of automatic proficiency:

All characters are able to drive any vehicle and use any weapon without any training, and by themselves even if the vehicle normally requires a crew.

Law of the Nazi:

Any evil group that is not motivated by greed will be motivated by Nazism or Nazi-like ideals. If the movie is based on a book which has an evil group not motivated by greed and/or Nazism, the entire plot will be changed so that the villians will be motivated by these factors.

70. upon capture, the hero is only searched for weapons if the villan is intimately familiar with the equipment carrid my the hero.

Inverse Square Law of Gravity

In a car chase, where the hero's car goes over a jump, the effect of gravity is decreased if the following factors are fulfilled:
a) The hero is being chased
b) Aforementioned hero is in a large and poor-handling vehicle, with no suspension, which could not possibly make such a jump (eg., truck, bus)
c) The jump carries them over a hazard of some sort, including but not limited to a cliff gorge, a river, a volcano
d) It would look really, really good

(Hey, this reminds me of a programme on BBC called Hollywood Science, which assesses how realistic famous films are - Speed got 1/10!)

Since this has gone completely to hell

Mr T Corollary
Any movies/scenes involving Mr T will be inherently bad ass by Mr T's presence and Mr T will always whip more ass than the average good guy without actually being the movie's hero.
Have you seen-
http://img181.exs.cx/img181/3282/jibberjaberwock5ld.jpg
The Jibberjaberwocky?

Law of Space Sonics:
In space, all explosions are much louder than usual because there is no air to get in the way.

Law of Useless Computer Noises:
Computers make little sounds every time anything happens, and often even when nothing is happening at all.

Law of interacial. Regardless of the location of a movie at list one black man will be seen.
Law of Bomb procedure. Any bomb present in a movie that has to be disarmed by the main character will have a clock atached.
Law of Dumb big breasted blonde. Whenever a killer is in the house she will run UP stairs instead of using the front door (asuming that the killer will enter the back door)
Law of Honorable fighting. When the hero is surrounded by at list 10 bad guys they will wait patiently dancing around until their turn of gettin beat comes.

#60-Something
Law of Female Leads.
A female lead character will/can not die, unless there is more then one female lead and only one male lead. Then, the female lead's chances of death are inversely proporational to the size of her breasts. Smaller breasts yield a greater to-die percent, especially if said female lead isn't the romantic love interest of the hero.

#61
Viruses uploaded in seconds will start with a giant laughing skull made out of blocky pixels, it will then begin disintigrating the screen block by block to the sounds of robot laughter

2nd Law of Hand to Hand Combat:
When a hero/heroine is fighting multiple opponents, said opponents will always attack one at a time, allowing enough time for the hero[ine] to reposition for the next attack.

Lee's Law:
Bruce Lee never loses. Serious.

England is a land of super villians. (Ammendment, the more posh your acccent, the evil you are).

Cigarettes give off enough heat to be targeted by a heat seeking missile.

America is responsible for everything good in the world, and all turning points in major conflicts. Even if it is before 1775 (?).

There is always at least one major conspiracy happening at any one time within the Vatican, the NSA or the CIA.

Being patriotic will grant you superhuman powers meaning that you will never have to reload. Your gun will never jam. You can take on multiple opponents at the same time etc etc.

Being nationalistic will give you a curse meaning that your gun will jam/run out of rounds at crucial moments.

Evil villans can easily recruit enough guards, storm troopers etc to populate a medium sized city without anybody noticing.

The higher your rank is in an organisation is in proportion to how evil you are.

Being a side kick is a death sentence to be shot in the back at a crucial moment in the plot and your death will fill the hero with enough rage to get the job done.

Have you seen-
http://img181.exs.cx/img181/3282/jibberjaberwock5ld.jpg
The Jibberjaberwocky?
No, but Mr T loves his Sara Lee
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v206/Reaper2k3/mrtsaralee.jpg


And ahh yes the Bruce Lee Corollary
Bruce Lee will always nearly kill everyone he lays his hands on, even when fighting more than one person at once.


Law of Vehicular Speed
A size of a vehicle is directly proportional to its top speed. This is because all big vehicles have bigger engines

Corollary A: Ship Corollary
All ships will have speeds inversely proportional to their size. This is because no matter how big an engine is, the size of the ship causes it to slown down in water or the vacuum of space

Spaceships will always describe a parabola in flight just as if there were air to affect their totally useless airfoil wings. Exploding spaceships will always destruct in a huge ( and LOUD! ) ball of flame, even though there is no atmosphere to burn or to carry sound.

4. The Storm-Trooper Effect

Any underlings who attempt to shoot a hero will invariably miss.
CORROLARY A: The chance of hitting is exponentially decreased for each of the following factors: If it is a clear shot; if the hero is standing straight up; if it is daylight; if their weapons have scopes.
CORROLARY B: The hero is highly likely to shoot and kill many of the afore-mentioned underlings, especialy if he is drunk, near uncontious, concussed, upside-down, and using a broken weapon.



CORROLARY C: Non-Lethal Exception - Any non-leathal weapon (stunner, tranq darts) will never miss and have instant effect. However, the bad guys are not allowed to follow up such attacks with a coup de grace and must give the hero adequate opportunity to escape or be rescued after the effects wear off.

Dropping Door Law:
a) Heavy doors (made of stone, metal or suitable local substitute) are goverened or restricted in their descent speed to prevent permanent damage and give the hero and his party enough time to pass under them, even if far down the corridor when closure is initiated.
b) The restraining mechanisms provide retrograde movement during moments when observers' attention is focussed elswehere (e.g. the hero approaching from an inconveniently far away location) allowing them a final leap/roll/slide to safety.
c) Any reformed/corrected/repentant evil strongmen present will be in a position to delay the door's (or ceiling's or mineshaft prop's) descent in the event that the Hero requires still more time to get himself or his charges to safety.
d) Such doors are programmed/designed to close for good once a hat, small child or plot-relevant item has been reached for and retrieved by the hero, back through the door they have just scrambled with hardly any space to spare (see also point (b)). Any necessary items or parties left behind the closed door will find their way back to the hero by an alternate route.
e) Bulkhead doors in spaceship corridors with under-floor gantries/maintenance ducts do not prevent the movement of beings (good and bad) from passing underneath such doors, though air-tight seals and integrity are maintained.
f) The destruction of door controls will invariably close/lock the door mechanisms when the hero has passed through, but open/unlock same if he wants to get through (see also Door opening Corollaries, below).

Special versions of this law also applies to complicated two- or three-leaved door designs (and of the 'iris' variety) of the 'blast door' or 'air lock' kind, and those enclosing hangers (nautical, aeronautical or spaceship).

Door Opening Corollaries
a) If enemies employ cutting gear to gain passage through a locked or jammed door, they will cut an ergonomically pleasing shape (e.g. tall enough to walk through) instead of a quicker but less intimidating/dignified smaller hole that takes half the time and lets them thwart (or at least observe and understand) any ambush preparations or serrupticious and mysterious removal of self or items from the room beyond.
b) Heroes employing cutting gear are as likely to cut through the locking mechanisms (of multi-leaved doors) within the first few seconds of cutting, opening all leaves/segments of the door.

There's a site somewhere on the 'net that has most of these, and a whole lot more. It's written about what 'I'd do if I ever become a evil supervillian'. Like not having airducts a person can crawl through, bombs only having red wires and being timed to explode at 1.19, not 0.00. Also shooting the hero as soon as he's captured rather than making a long-winded speech, and so on. But much funnier than how I've just said it.
I can't find it again. Anyone out there know what I'm talking about? I'd love to track it down again and save it to favourites this time.

There's a site somewhere on the 'net that has most of these, and a whole lot more. It's written about what 'I'd do if I ever become a evil supervillian'. Like not having airducts a person can crawl through, bombs only having red wires and being timed to explode at 1.19, not 0.00. Also shooting the hero as soon as he's captured rather than making a long-winded speech, and so on. But much funnier than how I've just said it.
I can't find it again. Anyone out there know what I'm talking about? I'd love to track it down again and save it to favourites this time.


Peters Evil Overlord list. Google Evil overlord and you should be on the right track. That site is great.

Peters Evil Overlord list. Google Evil overlord and you should be on the right track. That site is great.
Thank you! You can have a fluffle: :fluffle:
I was googling evil supervillian et al. Didn't think of Overlord. D'oh!
Here it is:
http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

Goodness, I almost forgot!

Law 117 - Theme music: The villians are always accompanied by music with a heavy bass undertone. The hero's music is always lighter, faster, and more upbeat. The origin of this music is never discussed.