NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok, I was just planning on an early night as most of the people I talk to had gone to bed. Literally as they signed off a friend came off idle to announce something happily. He gave me three guesses what he did, so I tried to be optimistic, third guess "You threw out your razor?" Reply: "No but something to do with my razor" I knew it. Two months I've been working with him, cajoling him, soothing him, he tells me he's happy one evening and so I leave him be. And he goes and cuts himself. So now he's all happy, while I'm here knowing he'll be even more depressed tomorrow and me, with my vivid imagination is going to have images of him all nig...I can see it now....dammit! So if I go off on random tangents or get randomly angry I apologise... :headbang: <- very appropriate. I would normally go off blogging right now but my school's blocked it cos some rabid moron's blogged adult content, so I might end up just pouring it in a poem somewhere...I will not flame somene...I will not flame someone.....aaaargh....ok posting this before I betray more of myself.....

Ok, I was just planning on an early night as most of the people I talk to had gone to bed. Literally as they signed off a friend came off idle to announce something happily. He gave me three guesses what he did, so I tried to be optimistic, third guess "You threw out your razor?" Reply: "No but something to do with my razor" I knew it. Two months I've been working with him, cajoling him, soothing him, he tells me he's happy one evening and so I leave him be. And he goes and cuts himself. So now he's all happy, while I'm here knowing he'll be even more depressed tomorrow and me, with my vivid imagination is going to have images of him all nig...I can see it now....dammit! So if I go off on random tangents or get randomly angry I apologise... :headbang: <- very appropriate. I would normally go off blogging right now but my school's blocked it cos some rabid moron's blogged adult content, so I might end up just pouring it in a poem somewhere...I will not flame somene...I will not flame someone.....aaaargh....ok posting this before I betray more of myself.....

:fluffle:

I was going to go to bed too, seeing as I have to get up at 5:30am tomorrow (eww!) but I can't seem to get to sleep, I just kept tossing and turning. I finally got up and got on the computer thinking that maybe I could make myself tired, but it hasn't worked and now I'm wide awake again.

I knew someone who did that too. It really sucks for everybody involved. And not that I'd expect random words from a random poster (those'd be my words and me, respectively) would mean all that much, I have at least a vague idea what it's like and what it does to a friendship. So, for what it's worth, I'm sorry you have to go through it.

Thanks a lot, seriously.
It's just so frustrating, he doesn't realise it. I spent one night convincing him successfully it was a bad idea, just for him to do it another day. And he just said that me having to read for hours to put out scary images after movies was 'cute.' Cute isn't a word in my vocabulary right now!

Thanks a lot, seriously.
It's just so frustrating, he doesn't realise it. I spent one night convincing him successfully it was a bad idea, just for him to do it another day. And he just said that me having to read for hours to put out scary images after movies was 'cute.' Cute isn't a word in my vocabulary right now!

Hell, I remember when my friend decided to threaten to commit suicide after a particularly stressful week (for both of us). Total nightmare.

yeah, i dated a girl rwho was really bad. got the point where i snuck in her house, and stole all her blades, broke them, then had a long discussion with her.

sorry to hear about this guy, i dont think its a very good "hobby." good luck with him. and good on you for trying, three cheers!

Ok, I was just planning on an early night as most of the people I talk to had gone to bed. Literally as they signed off a friend came off idle to announce something happily. He gave me three guesses what he did, so I tried to be optimistic, third guess "You threw out your razor?" Reply: "No but something to do with my razor" I knew it. Two months I've been working with him, cajoling him, soothing him, he tells me he's happy one evening and so I leave him be. And he goes and cuts himself. So now he's all happy, while I'm here knowing he'll be even more depressed tomorrow and me, with my vivid imagination is going to have images of him all nig...I can see it now....dammit! So if I go off on random tangents or get randomly angry I apologise... :headbang: <- very appropriate. I would normally go off blogging right now but my school's blocked it cos some rabid moron's blogged adult content, so I might end up just pouring it in a poem somewhere...I will not flame somene...I will not flame someone.....aaaargh....ok posting this before I betray more of myself.....

Stop. Seriously, it won't have any effect except to most likely stress him out more, which will (probably indirectly) lead to more cutting. Next time he wants to talk about it, cut him short with 'I don't really want to discuss that, you know it bothers me'. And then change the subject.

Suggest that if he wants to stop, he should consider eliminating his main source of stress, or if that's not possible, seeing someone who's been trained to deal with it.

And I'm not coming at this from the 'oh, people who cut are so weak, so just randomly be harsh'. I'm coming from the 'I used to cut, and nothing my friends did to try to stop me worked'. You aren't helping, and by letting him talk to you, you're letting him make your life hard... something that's much more likely to destroy your friendship than if you just tell him to stop talking about it.

... oh, I should point out that you should still, when you feel up to it, let him rant about whatever's making him *feel* like cutting. I don't know if it's just stress, or stress-induced depression (or depression-induced-stress), but whatever. Just make the line between 'talking about the issues' and 'talking about the cutting' clear and don't let him cross it.

Yeah, I find it disconcerting that I am even bothered by something posted by someone I've never met. Especially when you have no idea what the hell their problem is. I'm upset that I'm upset. :rolleyes:

Last edited by Shaed : Today at 4:30 AM. Reason: erg, icky bad pun. Bad puns = bad

You caught that, huh? I didn't want to post it and draw attention to it, but I hoped you'd notice it and change it. Good thing you did.

You caught that, huh? I didn't want to post it and draw attention to it, but I hoped you'd notice it and change it. Good thing you did.

Ngh. I can never make unintentional GOOD puns, only unintentional BAD puns. Blasted irony gods >.<

I just hope the OP didn't have to read it. Last thing they need, I'm sure.

I'm the closest thing to family he has right now....seeing we're on the same program, in fact his family is further away than mine are seeing he's in CA. His overall depression is from finding his first love and still strongest love in bed with another, and his experiences back home. He says that just hearing them would make me cry which would be something. Then there's homesickness. Finally he's in love with a college girl who told him the week before was a mistake and she wants to be single. They've been 'going out' 2 months. So that's his history.
He at leasts wants to break the 'habit' as he calls it. He's got it to an artform, no blood on the blade, on the back of his arms so no risk of accidents, band-aids for treatment. And the number of times he's said about others that cutting for love/pain relief isn't worth it.
I'm not sad.....I now know why I don't cry at least: I get effing angry.

Well... I'm going to point out that my advice here is going mostly off my experience with myself. You know your friend better than I do, so if something I say seems just way off, you should ignore it.

I'm the closest thing to family he has right now....seeing we're on the same program, in fact his family is further away than mine are seeing he's in CA. His overall depression is from finding his first love and still strongest love in bed with another, and his experiences back home. He says that just hearing them would make me cry which would be something. Then there's homesickness. Finally he's in love with a college girl who told him the week before was a mistake and she wants to be single. They've been 'going out' 2 months. So that's his history.

Make sure he stays away from both the girls, and the 'other' guy from the first relationship. Don't let him 'try to just be friends'. And don't compromise there. If you can, get him angry about it. Point out that they treated him like shit and that he DOESN'T deserve that (often people who get depressed start feeling that if people treat them badly, it's because they deserve it). Also, anger is conductive to taking action, whereas depression tends to just make people feel helpless.

Tell him to go to a GP and get a referral to a psychologist to deal with the past issues. And I don't mean say 'get help' and then drop it. If you're really the closest he has to family, offer to set aside a day to go with him. Expect him to be reluctant (again, depression is demotivating, and often almost paralysing - he'll probably need you to prompt him). Point out that as long as he sees a psychologist, he won't have to worry about being given medication and not actually treated - psychologists aren't legally able to prescribe medicine, they treat patients mainly through discussion.

One thing to point out if he argues is that if just *hearing* about it will make you cry, and he's *lived* through it, it's obviously not something that's 'not a big deal'.

I'd also make it very clear that you're separating the 'cutting' and the 'past issues'. Tell him that he doesn't need to tell anyone about the cutting (making that sort of thing official really, really scares most people). Make it clear you ONLY want him to talk to someone about the past problems.

And finally, if he won't do any of that, buy him a journal and tell him to write about it. Writing is therapeutic, and would probably help better than doing nothing would.

He at leasts wants to break the 'habit' as he calls it. He's got it to an artform, no blood on the blade, on the back of his arms so no risk of accidents, band-aids for treatment. And the number of times he's said about others that cutting for love/pain relief isn't worth it.
I'm not sad.....I now know why I don't cry at least: I get effing angry.

... Sounds like me a few months back, only I used moisturiser instead of bandaids. Try to remember that it *is* a habit, and I mean that as in 'a physical addiction'. He's probably addicted to the stress relief now, because it does in fact release hormones, which counter some of the effects of anxiety. The only way he'll stop on his own is if he avoids stress as much as possible.

Sorry about my long posts... feel free to ignore them if you're just here to rant. This is just one of those things I feel obligated to discuss, because I've been through it myself.

but I can't seem to get to sleep, I just kept tossing and turning. LOL

Im going to bed in 5 minutes or less night folks. :eek:

Trouble is that his parents know he's done it before...and the school seeing he did it to combat his homesickness which is how I first knew he was still cutting...thought it was over with his 1st love, which is several years ago now. Of the current girl...I can't stop him. I'm in Dallas, TX, he's in CA.
Violence? Heck no. He's violent enough already. It was after a fight and getting told off by the coach in practice that led him to the time I managed to talk long enough not for him to do it...he left midway for tea w/o telling me which gave me a heartattack :headbang: but it was alright in the end...

Anyway, I wrote out most of my anger:
The Jester's Eyes

I can see you.
You're laughing.
Laughing! A big
Boyish grin - that
Harpoons my heart.

Those fascinating eyes
That normally draw me in
And hold me - like a rabbit
Marbled in a car's headlamp;
Framed by waving fields
Of burned corn -

It is not into those depths
I probe for truths.
My searchlights are drawn
Down your body until -
Yes, there they are:
Crimson valleys among
White - those dried up.

Perhaps they are fissures
In the rocky crust,
Not so thick nor so hard
That neither chosen arrows
Nor sharpened words can
Reveal the soft vulnerability.

Volcanoes don't spurt here,
They're on the other side.
Instead molten garnets
Ooze in shining ribbons;
They Jewel at your fingertip,
And shatter on the floor.

I dare not touch your lava,
Lest it sear away my
Fingerprints. If I took
Your diamond sword to them,
Would it hurt as much o knight?
I can smell your rusty armour,
And sulphur fills my throat.

Battle scars are honoured,
Faults of nature despised.
Still you're laughing
As I - in winter motley -
Melt to the crimson floor.

Wonder if I can pass it off as my 'violence of the mind' English essay that's due next Friday....with adjustments of course.

In the past, I've never succeeded in convincing people to not hurt themselves. If they want to feel pain, or die, they'll do it. I'll be damned if I'm going to waste my breath on someone who's only seeking pity and attention. Perhaps I'm jaded.

Too bad about your friend, though.