NationStates Jolt Archive

After a controversial joke that John Cleese made about America's independance, was it really a good idea to give America their Independance?

Declaration of Revocation:
by John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not
'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such
place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

If assuming this thread is serious... then No.

Plus i don't think the Americans would take too kindly, being revoked of their indepence...

Like it says, a controversial JOKE!!!

Likewise assuming this threads is less than serious then no.
They will have to fix the mess they made first.

Americans wouldnt notice anyway

i know its a joke, but if they actually did it would be a bit pointless...

we would have to give loads of MPs to america, and theyd just vote to pass a law that gives them independence again...

After a controversial joke that John Cleese made about America's independance, was it really a good idea to give America their Independance?
As I recall, we didn't exactly give you a choice in the matter. :p

I'm assuming you're British. I apologize for the confusion if you are not British.

--The Jovial States of Cogitation

The only thing I oppose is the no gun rule. I may be 13, but I'm responsible with firearms and would never think of shooting anyone except for my own or others self defence.

PS: Czech Budweiser is pronounced Budvar

I've seen this thing before somewhere, a long time ago I think (months at least! Possibly even as long ago as the 2000 election...) - when was this first said/written?

PS: Czech Budweiser is pronounced Budvar

Only since US Budweiser stole it's name. The Czech stuff was called Budweiser until about 1960.

I've seen this thing before somewhere, a long time ago I think (months at least! Possibly even as long ago as the 2000 election...) - when was this first said/written?

It was on Funny.co.uk at least a year ago.

Tell ya what, you guys want the U.S.A., come and get it. We'll see ya in hell. Oh wait, the U.K. is hell, thats why we left. And another thing, besides some Monty Python skits, there is NO SUCH THING as British humor.

http://earlytexashistory.com/Tx1836/Flags/Evolution%20of%20the%20Flags%20of%20Texas_files/image026.jpg

Re your post:

Upon inspection of the latest poll counts in the recent election, it has been discovered that a plurality of British citizens have voted to become the 51st state of the USA.

US Response:
1. Effective immediately, 50,000 surgeons will be dispatched to fix a widespread congenital disorder preventing the correct pronunciation of words in this area. In addition, every new citizen will be required to use a decongestant twice daily and practice speaking without their noses stuffed up.
2. The confusion between the letters c and s will no longer be tolerated. Get used to spelling defense correctly.
3. North Ireland will be given back to Ireland immediately, thus ending the conflict. Dissenting citizens will be relocated to Utah, so they can feel right at home. Violent dissenting citizens will be sent to Arizona and Texas, where they will speedily be dealt with.
4. The term English will no longer be used. American will be substituted on an interim basis only. Soon enough, it will be the only language spoken, and a name for it will no longer be necessary.
5. Cricket will no longer be a sport, you will have to learn how to play baseball instead.
6. All English-made cars will be scrapped and replaced with American cars. This will create enough general goodwill and happiness to tide you over until you learn to drive on the right side of the street.
7. Give your taste buds a break and drink cold fresh beer for a change.
8. The 'chip' is no more, long live the French fry!
9. Bill Clinton will be your new governor (thanks for voting him in), so have an ample supply of willing discreet interns available. He seems to have exhausted the supply over here.
10. The Crown is hereby abolished, but the new governor wishes to thank the former tenants for keeping his residence in good condition.

A large and capable legal team is currently putting together the rest of the interim guidelines, they will be available soon.

:D

Tell ya what, you guys want the U.S.A., come and get it. We'll see ya in hell. Oh wait, the U.K. is hell, thats why we left. And another thing, besides some Monty Python skits, there is NO SUCH THING as British humor.
way to take a joke too seriously

and there is British humour...the best kind of humour :)

3. North Ireland will be given back to Ireland immediately, thus ending the conflict.
thats the only funny part...

:p

If the U.K. were seriously going to entertain the notion of a war to revoke the U.S.'s independence, they would be in for a brutal fight. Granted, the Royal Navy would pwn the U.S. Navy like individual U.S. ships did to them in the War of 1812, but eventually, the U.S. having more hulls in the water would eventually cause the fight to be fought on British soil for the first time. And after a long, protracted war, it'd be most likely that both sides would just call it off rather than keep killing each other.

Are you seriously suggesting that there is any Naval fleet in the world that can compete militarily with the U.S.? Any particular reason you feel so?

Just in case ya wanna see what your up against. :eek:

http://www.chinfo.navy.mil/navpalib/ships/

wtf? the royal navy isnt more powerful than the US Navy. anyways, Britain is lucky they gave up the US, if they didn't then the colonies would never have grown so rapidly and they'd never become nearly as powerful as they did. thanks to the USA being kickass, the world map isnt just two blobs, one for germany and one for japan.

if there was a war for the UK to take the USA back, it wouldnt last long, either one of the sides would demand peace or someone would launch a nuke and then the world would look like a piece of burnt toast.

way to take a joke too seriously

and there is British humour...the best kind of humour :)

Does anyone have anythng they'd RATHER be doing, than marching UP AND DOWN THE SQUARE?

If the U.K. were seriously going to entertain the notion of a war to revoke the U.S.'s independence, they would be in for a brutal fight. Granted, the Royal Navy would pwn the U.S. Navy like individual U.S. ships did to them in the War of 1812, but eventually, the U.S. having more hulls in the water would eventually cause the fight to be fought on British soil for the first time. And after a long, protracted war, it'd be most likely that both sides would just call it off rather than keep killing each other.
Sorry, dude. The US Navy is the strongest in the world. We have real aircraft carriers, and more of them. Plus we have arguably the world's best subs, and more of them. No nation that doesn't border the US could possibly invade.

To Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the 2nd, and her apparent spokesman, John Cleese:

No bleeping thanks!

You lost that war, so get over it already, like I say to my fellow Southerners.
You signed a peace treaty in Paris, remember that little deal?
We survived the War of 1812, and if it weren't for us, you'd all be saying "Sieg Heil!" and wearing swastikas!

Also: we like our guns, our SUVs, our full-size pick-ups, our beer, our French fries, etc., including our right to choose stupid leaders like George W. Bush, who incidentally is one of your distant relatives. (That may explain his idiocy a tad.)

I'm quite enjoying the juxtaposition of complaining that only 2.15% of Americans understand that there is a world outside their borders, and the assertion that no one outside America plays baseball. Perhaps sometime we can go enjoy a nice game between and Dragons and Bay Stars.

some Monty Python skits, there is NO SUCH THING as British humor

Clearly not: Sarzonia clearly has a good sense of humor.

the Royal Navy would pwn the U.S. Navy like individual U.S. ships did to them in the War of 1812


http://earlytexashistory.com/Tx1836/Flags/Evolution%20of%20the%20Flags%20of%20Texas_files/image026.jpg

Just in case ya wanna see what your up against. :eek:

http://www.chinfo.navy.mil/navpalib/ships/

People who have trouble spelling? :)

Does anyone have anythng they'd RATHER be doing, than marching UP AND DOWN THE SQUARE?


"Oh dear-I've trodden in monsiuer's bucket !"

After a controversial joke that John Cleese made about America's independance, was it really a good idea to give America their Independance?
not to put too fine a point on it, but the Brits got their asses handed to them. America TOOK its independence. the British Empire was going to end one way or another, and Americans decided they were prepared to end it their way.

if you think Britain has anything approaching enough power to reclaim its original American colonies (let alone trying to anex the vast majority of the US that was NEVER a part of the British Empire) then you are deluding yourself. whatever bad things i might have to say about America, we're no slouches on the battle field, and we certainly don't underfund our defense department. Britain might last 5, or even 10 minutes before being reduced to an unsightly smear to the west of Europe, but no longer than that.

John Cleese, on the other hand, is quite aware of all of this, and i don't believe for a second that he was serious about that portion. there is truth in all humor, especially in dry Brittish wit, but you must learn to see where the truth ends and the wit begins.

"Oh dear-I've trodden in monsiuer's bucket !"

"Garcon-a fresh bucket for monsieur...And perhaps, a hose!"

Heh, the virility of some of these responses certainly makes the security of these people suspect. I mean surely, if you're that confident of yourself then you'd find this laughable rather than offensive. But nevermind.

If the USA was never granted independence then we'd probably all be pleding to alligence to our respective companies, like the Virginia Company Of London, the Plymouth Company, the East India Company, and the others.

Anyway, isn't this joke quite old? and I'm pretty sure it wasn't John Cleese who said it.

Heh, the virility of some of these responses certainly makes the security of these people suspect. I mean surely, if you're that confident of yourself then you'd find this laughable rather than offensive. But nevermind.

If the USA was never granted independence then we'd probably all be pleding to alligence to our respective companies, like the Virginia Company Of London, the Plymouth Company, the East India Company, and the others.

Anyway, isn't this joke quite old? and I'm pretty sure it wasn't John Cleese who said it.

Isnt the East India Co where I can get "Pusser's Rum" from?

http://earlytexashistory.com/Tx1836/Flags/Evolution%20of%20the%20Flags%20of%20Texas_files/image026.jpg

Once again, a picture of a lightsaber with a star above it. You must be trying to tell us something...

You tell me... I have no idea, just that I remember the East India company being heavily involved in India, with even a boat being named after it - yeah, it was that powerful. Consider them a Imperial British version of the Templar. I guess...

I mean come on even if America invaded Britain then the American's would be crushed. You have no idea how nationalistic some of us Brits are.

I mean come on even if America invaded Britain then the American's would be crushed. You have no idea how nationalistic some of us Brits are.

Bah, the Germans were nationalistic too. Nationalism doesn't defend, just makes people annoyingly cliquish on a grand scale.

If the United States invaded Britain, America would be crushed. The UN would never allow it to happen (Unless Britain had attacked the U.S. first). I don't see why people try to glorify the U.S. over the U.K. because you defeated us in two wars. Or try to claim that they won World War II single handedly. The Soviets, French, Commonwealth, Chinese were also fighting on the side of the Allies.

But getting back to the original question, no I don't think the U.S. Independance should be revoked.

This is only the tenth time I've seen this on this forum. Enough. It was very funny the first time but when it's posted every three weeks it's a bit much.

Once again, a picture of a lightsaber with a star above it. You must be trying to tell us something...

The original (1835):
http://www.republic-of-texas.net/flags/comeandtakeit.gif

Maybe you'd like the modern update:
http://www.comeandtakeit.com/doofis.gif

or maybe this version:
http://www.comeandtakeit.com/cati-bmg.gif

or maybe an older version:
http://www.comeandtakeit.com/historical-flags/no-tread-an.gif

Here's a history of
the "Come and Take it" flag (http://www.gonzalestexas.com/events/come_&_take_it!.htm). If you want to revoke US independence, "Come and Take it". Please! We'll have a nice load of grapeshot (and other much, much, much nastier surprises) waiting.

If you want to revoke US independence, "Come and Take it". Please! We'll have a nice load of grapeshot (and other much, much, much nastier surprises) waiting.

Why would I want to revoke US independence? Who would take you back anyway, what with pointless threats and all?

I just think it is a silly flag.

6. All English-made cars will be scrapped and replaced with American cars. This will create enough general goodwill and happiness to tide you over until you learn to drive on the right side of the street.
:D

What English made cars? :confused:

A Jaguar is just a fancy Ford.
...and so is a Land Rover (previously owned by BMW!)
...and so is an Aston Martin!

Bently is owned by Volkswagen.

Rolls Royce is owned by BMW.
...and so is Mini.

Did I miss any?

"Should America's Independance be Revoked?"

Just try it 'n see what happens! :D

I mean come on even if America invaded Britain then the American's would be crushed. You have no idea how nationalistic some of us Brits are.

Nationalistic? Maybe.
Unarmed? Definitely. You can thank your government for that, btw.

What're you going to do? Recite Chaucer at us??

Yes, the MG. Oh, wait, that looks like it's owned by Rover. (which is the company which made Land Rover...

oh and Vauxhall! Wait, that's owned by General Motors. Not that Vauxhall is anything to be proud of c.c

If you want to revoke US independence, "Come and Take it". Please! We'll have a nice load of grapeshot (and other much, much, much nastier surprises) waiting.
I daresay no one on here has any idea just how nasty. [ shudders ]

If the U.K. were seriously going to entertain the notion of a war to revoke the U.S.'s independence, they would be in for a brutal fight. Granted, the Royal Navy would pwn the U.S. Navy like individual U.S. ships did to them in the War of 1812, but eventually, the U.S. having more hulls in the water would eventually cause the fight to be fought on British soil for the first time. And after a long, protracted war, it'd be most likely that both sides would just call it off rather than keep killing each other.

Er... you are aware that the US's tonnage of warships is greater than the sum of the rest of the planet's, yes?

Nationalistic? Maybe.
Unarmed? Definitely. You can thank your government for that, btw.

What're you going to do? Recite Chaucer at us??

Erm no, recite Monty Python at you :p

British humour pwns American humour.

British humour pwns American humour.
Now that just might be true! :D

American football for rugby, you've got to be kidding.

Why would I want to revoke US independence? Who would take you back anyway, what with pointless threats and all?

LOL did you not read the title of this thread?

I just think it is a silly flag.

No sillier than France's Tri-color or anyother flag. Less than most (St. George's Cross...)

Erm no, recite Monty Python at you :p

British humour pwns American humour.

Monty Python is Anglo-American humor. Or are you going to start editing out Terry Gillian? :D

Er... you are aware that the US's tonnage of warships is greater than the sum of the rest of the planet's, yes?

I believe that's exactly what he said. In individual, ship-to-ship battles, the Royal Navy would win, but the US Navy's superior numbers would win the battle of attrition.

Come on, every American soldier would be on the floor dying of not being able to comprehend British humour. :p

I mean:

Knights of Ni = pwns American tanks.

LOL did you not read the title of this thread?


You DO realise it was humour, and old humour at that, don't you?


No sillier than France's Tri-color or anyother flag. Less than most (St. George's Cross...)

I don't know about that. Phallic symbols in flags tend, as a general rule, to be sillier than Gallic symbols.

Some people really, really, need to lighten up. I can't believe there are Americans threatening people over a joke...

What English made cars? :confused:

A Jaguar is just a fancy Ford.
...and so is a Land Rover (previously owned by BMW!)
...and so is an Aston Martin!

Bently is owned by Volkswagen.

Rolls Royce is owned by BMW.
...and so is Mini.

Did I miss any?
theyre all made in England though, like he said :)

(actually, i dont know about the Mini)

and you missed Rover :cool:

Are you seriously suggesting that there is any Naval fleet in the world that can compete militarily with the U.S.? Any particular reason you feel so?American-built military equipment is a joke. U.S.-built warships are crap.

The U.S. Navy isn't the be-all and end-all uberpower it's made out to be by some of you.

Actually it is

Look, I mean this entire thread was a joke. Until some pompous stupid Americans decided to wreck it.

:rolleyes:

Actually, why would the UK want to revoke US independence? The English seem to have a habit of absorbing the culture of any place they occupy. Can you imagine the UK filled with tonnes of US cultural idiosyncrasies. Oh wait, that's already happening... x_x

Look, I mean this entire thread was a joke. Until some pompous stupid Americans decided to wreck it.

:rolleyes:

Thank you, I have got to say Americans are really quite a bunch of nancies and I feel awfully sorry for any Brit living in America at the moment, it must be head blowing, oh wait Americans do that with guns!!! :sniper: :mp5: :gundge:

for the last time, french fries aren't french, they're belgian :headbang:

British humour pwns American humour.




Now that just might be true! :D

Of course it is the Americans dont find our humoUr funny because they are an ignorant race!!!

I daresay no one on here has any idea just how nasty. [ shudders ]

As a good old boy who grew up a hunting and fishing Eagle scout in East Texas, I know exactly how nasty.

And my little brother the total pacifist would probably beat me out - he may be completely anti-military but he'd make a genuinely awsome guerilla - he makes me look soft and cuddly :eek: - and has a better collection of firearms to boot.

And just the thought of my Uncle Carleton (SGT USMC, Ret.), my daddies family (mixed OK and TX rednecks and amerinds).... (>.<)

for the last time, french fries aren't french, they're belgian :headbang:

Actually, they're freedomian.

Good comedy. Good thread.

freedom fries, thats the biggest bs i've ever heard

Look, I mean this entire thread was a joke. Until some pompous stupid Americans decided to wreck it.

:rolleyes:

Sorry. Americans take Indepenence seriously...

I mean, how would Brits feel if the thread read:

"Ok, we drink Starbucks, Michaelob and eat at McDonalds. We love The Simpsons and 24. They've saved us in every major war we've been in since the Boer War. Let's just join the US already?" ;)

I believe that's exactly what he said. In individual, ship-to-ship battles, the Royal Navy would win, but the US Navy's superior numbers would win the battle of attrition.

That's like saying that the Packers could beat the Giants man-to-man.

Ship-to-ship fighting almost *never* happens. Jutland showed that it's most ineffectual, too.

Actually, they're freedomian.

They are Belgian, Are you American?

You DO realise it was humour, and old humour at that, don't you?




I don't know about that. Phallic symbols in flags tend, as a general rule, to be sillier than Gallic symbols.


Oh yes. (And if you doubt it see the rebutal response I posted. Both are old as heck. :D)

I wonder more about people who post humor and then react without humor to the responses...

I would take the thread as a joke :p

:rolleyes:

theyre all made in England though, like he said :)

(actually, i dont know about the Mini)

and you missed Rover :cool:

Sorry, I must look at things differently. I consider Toyota a Japanese car, even though all the ones here are made in the US.

Sorry. Americans take Indepenence seriously...

I mean, how would Brits feel if the thread read:

"Ok, we drink Starbucks, Michaelob and eat at McDonalds. We love The Simpsons and 24. They've saved us in every major war we've been in since the Boer War. Let's just join the US already?" ;)

Excuse me, Mr Patriot, Americans globalised Starbucks, Michaelob, McDonalds, The Simpsons and 24, and wasn't it the Americans who didnt join the League of Nations( Which was their idea in the first place!!!)

Please get your facts right before you criticise the Brits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. The League of Nations (which is now the UN) was formed after America started interfering in the World Wars. You were the ones that needed us in Fallujah while you went off and bombed a mosque!!

Sorry. Americans take Indepenence seriously...

I mean, how would Brits feel if the thread read:

"Ok, we drink Starbucks, Michaelob and eat at McDonalds. We love The Simpsons and 24. They've saved us in every major war we've been in since the Boer War. Let's just join the US already?" ;)
If it had been stated as a joke, I'd have laughed at it, and then asked what Michaelob is. Haven't eaten fastfood for years now, I don't watch the Simpsons anymore and never watched 24. Though I'd join the US for a large bookstore with a Starbucks in it and a DVD set of Desperate Housewives c.c

Anyway, the 51st state would probably tip the US in the democratic direction. Just consider 30 million extra votes for the democrats ;)

As a good old boy who grew up a hunting and fishing Eagle scout in East Texas, I know exactly how nasty.

And my little brother the total pacifist would probably beat me out - he may be completely anti-military but he'd make a genuinely awsome guerilla - he makes me look soft and cuddly :eek: - and has a better collection of firearms to boot.

And just the thought of my Uncle Carleton (SGT USMC, Ret.), my daddies family (mixed OK and TX rednecks and amerinds).... (>.<)
I was thinking more of weapons already in the arsenal ( some of which I pray to God are never used! ), but your point is well taken. Trying to fight against an insurgency in America would be any General's worst nightmare.

Our national anthem is better as well...

Anyway, the 51st state would probably tip the US in the democratic direction. Just consider 30 million extra votes for the democrats ;)
I strongly suspect you underestimate your Countrymen.

Sorry. Americans take Indepenence seriously...

I mean, how would Brits feel if the thread read:

"Ok, we drink Starbucks, Michaelob and eat at McDonalds. We love The Simpsons and 24. They've saved us in every major war we've been in since the Boer War. Let's just join the US already?" ;)

Freedom doesn't mean freedom from a sense of humor.

It was funny.

Unclinch a little! :p

I strongly suspect you underestimate your Countrymen.

Or do you mean misunderestimated as your great president said!!!

He also said the Humans and fish can co-exist peacefully!!! What a great president you've got there pal!!!

Excuse me, Mr Patriot, Americans globalised Starbucks, Michaelob, McDonalds, The Simpsons and 24, and wasn't it the Americans who didnt join the League of Nations( Which was their idea in the first place!!!)

Please get your facts right before you criticise the Brits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. The League of Nations (which is now the UN) was formed after America started interfering in the World Wars. You were the ones that needed us in Fallujah while you went off and bombed a mosque!!

Thank you for expressing the exact sentiment I hoped to get. :)

PS- Your history is a little off. Of Wilson's 14 points, the League was one of the few to be adopted. Unfortunately, the US Congress voted to not join.
However, the League was disbanded, and did NOT evolve into the UN.
Further, the League was post-WW1, not WW2, so only one war.

And, btw, I love England. It's a great place. Like a strange part of Massachusettes.

PPS- In case you didn't notice, I was pointing out that most anyone is thin skinned about their nation, and so the posts criticizing Americans for ruining this thread are a little much.

PPPS- I am a Slovak ex-pat.

I strongly suspect you underestimate your Countrymen.you sure? I can safely say that Labour and Lib dem grassroots think the Republicans are money grabbing bastards and Bush has sucessfully snobbed the Conservatives. And also that any vote in the UK would go 7:3 in favour of the Democrats. Now consider that if the 51st state would be the most populous state in the union, containing 1/6 of the new US population. That's a fuckton of electoral votes. ;)

i would like to meet the dumbass country who attempts to revoke it.

NUKES ON.

you sure? I can safely say that Labour and Lib dem grassroots think the Republicans are money grabbing bastards and Bush has sucessfully snobbed the Conservatives. And also that any vote in the UK would go 7:3 in favour of the Democrats. Now consider that if the 51st state would be the most populous state in the union, containing 1/6 of the new US population. That's a fuckton of electoral votes. ;)
hes right you know...

We are NOT nancies! That's some attack from a nation that invented all that silly Victorian propriety.

American-built military equipment is a joke. U.S.-built warships are crap.

Uh, and on what basis do you make those conclusions? Let's hear some convincing evidence. And alternatives (presumably, non-joke navies with non-crap warships), explain why they are so superior.

you sure? I can safely say that Labour and Lib dem grassroots think the Republicans are money grabbing bastards and Bush has sucessfully snobbed the Conservatives. And also that any vote in the UK would go 7:3 in favour of the Democrats. Now consider that if the 51st state would be the most populous state in the union, containing 1/6 of the new US population. That's a fuckton of electoral votes. ;)

Well said!!!!!!! Even Robert Kilroy-Silk would do better than Monkey-Man(George.W.Bush)!!!!

Uh, and on what basis do you make those conclusions? Let's hear some convincing evidence. And alternatives (presumably, non-joke navies with non-crap warships), explain why they are so superior.

Mental defensive American Idiot!!!

If it had been stated as a joke, I'd have laughed at it, and then asked what Michaelob is. Haven't eaten fastfood for years now, I don't watch the Simpsons anymore and never watched 24. Though I'd join the US for a large bookstore with a Starbucks in it and a DVD set of Desperate Housewives c.c

Anyway, the 51st state would probably tip the US in the democratic direction. Just consider 30 million extra votes for the democrats ;)

Oddly, I saw lots of Michaelob in London when I was there two years ago.

Ah, I knew there'd be something. Else why would bit-torrent be going so out of control? ;)

That's actually fine with me. I'm an Independent, and I don't want *either* party getting too powerful. Right now, the GOP has too much because the DEMs couldn't see past their noses. :(

PS- Yes, it's a joke, but a tongue-in-cheek one.

We are NOT nancies! That's some attack from a nation that invented all that silly Victorian propriety.

Excuse me, America was already founded and had adopted its own values by the Victorian period, dont propriety the Brits!!!!!!

P.S. Fine, Americans are defensive nancies!!!

I thought that American could take a joke, and couldn't take criticism, but here I see that I was absolutely correct. My "favourite" replies are the ones that just take the points in the "revocation" and reverse them. What an intelligent and witty response.

I'll just assume that some American got angry and called me names and mentioned up irrelevant things that they think happen in Britain, rather than waiting for it to happen.

American football for rugby, you've got to be kidding.

Well take a look at some of the Australian games. I don't think there are too many games where blood doesn't flow. ;)

6) You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

Blasphemy!

A better idea would be to combine the West Coast, Northeast, and Illonois with Canada. Rename it the United Nation of Coherent Intellectuals and then build a hundred foot wall along the southern border as to protect ourselves from the Neo Republican States of Christland. Then all will be fine until Christland decides to take a swing at us for not killing the gays/atheists.

They are Belgian, Are you American?

Actually, no. And no.

Wikepedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chips)
Straight Dope (http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mfrenchfry.html)

And you're being far too serious for this thread. You're not alone though, and I'm going to sleep now.

American-built military equipment is a joke. U.S.-built warships are crap.

The U.S. Navy isn't the be-all and end-all uberpower it's made out to be by some of you.


Hmmm I don't recall our ships having aluminum in them. Burned really good in the Falklands didn't it.

Excuse me, Mr Patriot, Americans globalised Starbucks, Michaelob, McDonalds, The Simpsons and 24, and wasn't it the Americans who didnt join the League of Nations( Which was their idea in the first place!!!)

Please get your facts right before you criticise the Brits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. The League of Nations (which is now the UN) was formed after America started interfering in the World Wars. You were the ones that needed us in Fallujah while you went off and bombed a mosque!!
Wrong! the league of nations ceased to exist, because it was ineffectual and the tenants the US proposed to guide it were mostly rejected. As a result, we could see that it was too weak, and so we refused to waste our time with it. Besides, we fund 1/4 of the UN's budget now, so I'd say that perhaps your fierce nationlism might need a cold shower.

Just to make this a little clearer, the League was dissolved on April 18, 1946 because it was not strong enough to prevent another World War. Not to mention that Woodro Wilson was the one who proposed it, against the wishes of the American people, who were isolationist at the time. Of course, now you criticize for being isolationist back then, and yet criticize us for being "imperialist" now. What foolishness.

By the way, since you Brits seem to be set on continuing to accuse us of having no sense of humor (no U), while simultaneously attacking us if we attempt to jest back, and keep getting all pissy no matter what we do, I'd say I'm rather tired of reading your idiotic posts. The UK could no more take over the US than it could take over South Carolina alone. Hell, we'd LET you into the country just so we could tear you apart. Not to mention that none of you Brits even know how to use a gun, and keep attacking us because we DO.

Now, enough of this. If you want it to be a joke, then understand that the jokes cuts two ways.

EDIT: Just to clarify, the League began in 1919, after WWI. Shows how much those aristocratic Brits, with all their culture, etc., rally even know about their own nation.

We are NOT nancies! That's some attack from a nation that invented all that silly Victorian propriety.

Britain under the Victorians ruled the largest area in the history of man!

I thought that American could take a joke, and couldn't take criticism, but here I see that I was absolutely correct. My "favourite" replies are the ones that just take the points in the "revocation" and reverse them. What an intelligent and witty response.

I shall just assume that some American got angry and called me names and mentioned up irrelevant things that they think happen in Britain, rather than waiting for it to happen.

aluminum

*cough*

Our national anthem is better as well...

You mean that weak remix of "My Country 'Tis of Thee?" ;)

Mental defensive American Idiot!!!

Frankly, I can't think of a witty response to that, and I'll let your comment sit there shining in it's own... brilliance.

I was thinking more of weapons already in the arsenal ( some of which I pray to God are never used! ), but your point is well taken. Trying to fight against an insurgency in America would be any General's worst nightmare.

A good read: Invasion (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0515128422/qid=1109359163/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/002-0941420-3683262)
by Eric L. Harry. He posits a fairly reasonable scenario for a Chinese invasion of the US. (His book Arc Light, dealing with a post cold war US-Soviet nuclear war even better - it starts with Korea and a nasty, nasty, nasty and very highly realistic look at the results a limited nuclear war.)

And Genghis Khan with his ferocity and lack of propriety ruled the other largest empire in history. :rolleyes:

Thank you, I have got to say Americans are really quite a bunch of nancies and I feel awfully sorry for any Brit living in America at the moment, it must be head blowing, oh wait Americans do that with guns!!! :sniper: :mp5: :gundge:

Now now POHM, we aren't all that bad.

I think US independance should be revoked just because I'd love to watch the drama that unfolded afterwards.
Such an event would make reality TV, or maybe even the Simpsons or South Park, look boring in comparison.

Think about it. we're talking instand decades or more of international drama.

A good read: Invasion (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0515128422/qid=1109359163/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/002-0941420-3683262)
by Eric L. Harry. He posits a fairly reasonable scenario for a Chinese invasion of the US. (His book Arc Light, dealing with a post cold war US-Soviet nuclear war even better - it starts with Korea and a nasty, nasty, nasty and very highly realistic look at the results a limited nuclear war.)

Hmmm I will add that to my list. Thanks!

And Genghis Khan with his ferocity and lack of propriety ruled the other largest empire in history. :rolleyes:

And?

*cough*

Sorry my americaness is kicking in as I don't see your point? ;)

The USA seems to believe in a myth about themselves being the saviours the world. Firstly, as far as I know, except for the War of Independance, America has not won a single war by itself, other countries have always been envloved. Wars started by America with no other help have been complete disasters.
Another thing, where does this myth come from that you saved Britain in World War One and Two? In the First world war Europe had forced itself into a stalemate, no side would have won. America just tipped the balance slightly in the Allies favour, allowing the war to be ended with a Victory for the allies. In the Second World war you did not win it outright. Russia did more than America. Firstly, the British won the war in Africa, and we won the battle of Britain, something you may have forgotten about. While America did send Britian supplies it was mainly British resources being used. Nazi Germany gave up fighting Britain in 1941, when it realised it could not invade Britian and so turned on Russia instead. So this myth of 'Britian would of got invaded.' is false, as we did beat them back with the help of a few French and Polish exiles.

Secondly, is being a big powerful nation something to boast about? America, the big matcho superpower of 300 million can't even control a small, poor country of about 20 million, so America doesn't do too well beyond it's own borders. Well America may have the biggest gun in the world, but they probably have some the biggest social, environmental and economic problems in the world too.

I think this has gone too far now. Can't we just all live in harmony :(

Having annexed England as the 51st state, more proposals have been adopted.

1. Cucumber sandwiches are banned.
2. Oscar Wilde's name is completely cleared, and is made a national hero.
3. Soccer players are no longer allowed to wear shinguards, so that they will quit faking their extreme agony when someone looks at them in a mean way.
4. Scotland is seperated, and made the 52nd state, since they are far cooler anyways than the English.
5. The Royalty being abolished, we will proceed to educate Brits on the ridculousness of keeping monarchs whose only purpose is to keep spending the taxpayers money.
6. Guns will be handed out like candy, so that the next time a war comes along, England will be useful.
7. Leaflets will be dropped about the nation, to educate the people on the meaning of "good weather."
8. In connection with the above stated, the terms "good morning," "good afternoon," "good day," "good night," and good evening" will all be declared illegal in England because generally the weather sucks, and so there really are no good days.
9. Any attempt to protest against these measures will cause all American restaurants and stores to be closed, forcing the English to eat their OWN food. Assuming they still know how to make plum pudding.
10. African-Americans and other minorities will be shipped to England, to increase their cultural spectrum.
11. All English colleges will be forced to accept people who AREN'T rich, or powerful, exclusively.
12. Lorries will be banned, since no one can drive them safely.
13. English police will be replaced with REAL cops, who of course will still not have guns, since that would be too scary, but WILL at least carry tasers and pepper spray, instead of road maps and brown noses.

Sorry my americaness is kicking in as I don't see your point? ;)

You said "aluminum", rather than "aluminium". I'm only kidding - I don't really think this is important, but considering that "helium, uranium, sodium, calcium, etc.) all end in "-ium" it seems nicer to follow the pattern.

Another thing, where does this myth come from that you saved Britain in World War One and Two? In the First world war Europe had forced itself into a stalemate, no side would have won.


Ok what about the last great push of 1918? If the Americans weren't there, do you think they would have held?


In the Second World war you did not win it outright. Russia did more than America. Firstly, the British won the war in Africa, and we won the battle of Britain, something you may have forgotten about. While America did send Britian supplies it was mainly British resources being used. Nazi Germany gave up fighting Britain in 1941, when it realised it could not invade Britian and so turned on Russia instead. So this myth of 'Britian would of got invaded.' is false, as we did beat them back with the help of a few French and Polish exiles.


Ahh yea the Americans didn't do anything argument? :rolleyes: You forgot the American Eagle squad as well.

For the Record. My Granddad was one of those Polish exiles ;)

A good read: Invasion (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0515128422/qid=1109359163/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/002-0941420-3683262)
by Eric L. Harry. He posits a fairly reasonable scenario for a Chinese invasion of the US. (His book Arc Light, dealing with a post cold war US-Soviet nuclear war even better - it starts with Korea and a nasty, nasty, nasty and very highly realistic look at the results a limited nuclear war.)
Completely asside from nuclear weapons, considering "conventional" weapons only, there some new ones which can only be characterized as "horrific."

You said "aluminum", rather than "aluminium". I'm only kidding - I don't really think this is important, but considering that "helium, uranium, sodium, calcium, etc.) all end in "-ium" it seems nicer to follow the pattern.

:D

I claim that I have not had my morning coffee excuse! ;)

I think this has gone too far now. Can't we just all live in harmony :(

How long have you been on NS General? :p

I think this has gone too far now. Can't we just all live in harmony :(
Seconded!

9. Any attempt to protest against these measures will cause all American restaurants and stores to be closed, forcing the English to eat their OWN food. Assuming they still know how to make plum pudding.

I'll start making the banners. Be nice to lower the obesity level in England caused by crap like McDonalds. I hope food based on American fast food will also be banned, we have a problem with junk food in schools.

I mean we all are friends. But Bush [ :headbang: ]

Declaration of Revocation:
by John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not
'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such
place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.


Being an american, I laughed my ass off when I first read this years ago. I do think somewhere there's a "reply" that someone made up to this- from America to England.

God, people here are complaining that gas is over 2$ a gallon, I keep telling them we still have it easy compared to other countries! I think that alone would cause riots in the streets. (And the really sad thing is, that might actually be accurate!)

On a serious note- nope, I don't think it should be revoked... then again I'm biased!!! :)

fuuny, controversial, best kind of humor steps on people's toes, noi matter who it is.