NationStates Jolt Archive

ok, i need this to be completely serious, because i am. i know this probably isnt the best

place to ask, but please, nobody coming in with the "youre going to hell!" crap :(

as some of you might know i have had "issues" in matching my inner gender with my physical

sex. to use a cliched phrase, im a girl in a guys body. oh, and to make things that little bit

more complicated, im a lesbian

so, i now have a decision to make

do i leave things as they are and hope i can stand living as the wrong sex? which has been

hard enough for the last 19 years, and frankly another 50 would be...well, hard is a massive

understatement

or, do i sort this out, go on hormones and eventually go for surgery? the downside of this is

that i will alienate myself from many of my friends, my family will most likely disown me, i

will have to drop out of uni, and i will have to find some accomodation, plus some way of

paying for it - i imagine it wont be easy to get a job while your half way through changing

your sex. add to that the general problems i would have in society.

if i choose the first, i will be more or less miserable for the rest of my life, but i will

have my family and friends

if i choose the second, i will be one step on the way to being content with myself, and i

could live my 20s the way i should - but at the cost of everything i hold dear to me.

usually i would think "go with your heart", but in this case even my heart cant decide...i

know what i want but its whether im prepared to make those massive sacrifices....

why the fuck does it have to be me....:(

sorry, i just needed to get that off my chest...

Live with what GOD gave you. He might be doing this to teach you some type of lesson. Maybe?

If you don't know whether or not you are willing to make the sacrifice, did you ever think that maybe it's not what you really want? I don't mean that as an insult, i personally have no moral objection to transsexuals or anything like that, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your happiness, especially if you want it bad enough.

Wow... you got a God-boy right off the bat, bummer eh?

Without a doubt, you're facing a tough and complex choice. I don't know that any sort of online forum is particularly the place to go for serious advice about the issues you face.

I'd highly recommend finding a counsellor of some description nearby and going to see them.

Having said that, my advice would be to weigh up your options. You've said that you'd be miserably remaining in a male body for the rest of your life but it also sounds like you'd be pretty miserable shutting yourself off from your family and friends as well.

Are you really that positive that your friends and family would be so hostile to you changing your gender?

i would like to say 'go with your heart', but a) i have had no comparable life experience so i really can't imagine what you're feeling at the moment, thus i have no grounds for giving advice; and b) the sheer cost, both monetarily and to your current life (potentially ending everything you know now - sorry, sounds harsh...) is absolutley massive.

i think it boils down to the question: would you really be happier in a new life after your change? would the anguish of being 'the wrong gender' for the rest of your life be greater or less than the anguish of severing so many ties with what you know now (friends and family) and earning the monetary cost you would have to work towards for a long time.



i am assuming that changing one's gender is a not cheap procedure :confused:

Yeah, that's the thing too, people often underestimate, or sometimes overestimate, how people will act. Maybe they will be more understanding than you think. Weighing your options is also good too. I think you need to decide which kind of misery would be worse, if being happy with who you are could make up for losing those you love, or if having them could make up for not being who you truly are. I agree with Emperor too, you should talk to a professional about this, they can help you much more than we can.

You're right when you suggest this isnt the best place to seek answers. How much research have you done? I dont see that you can make an informed decision until you have found out exactly what is entailed in such a change over, both physically and emotionally/socially. Ideally you should not only be aware of the effects of physical alteration (both the end result and transitional stages), but you should also have sought information from a number of those who have gone through such a transformation, both those who are pleased they did so, and those who have some regrets, or who's experiance was less than 'ideal'.

At any rate, I doubt any competent medical practitioner would proceed with such an 'alteration' until it has been substantiated to their satisfaction, if this is really what you want, so perhaps (if you have not already done so) you could contact someone who conducts these kinds of proceedures and ask them who you might approach for advice, (I doubt there wouldnt be 'help groups' and similar organisations that can get you together with people who can tell you from experiance what such alterations entail, socially and emotionally.)

Basically I think you should seek advice from people more qualified to give it including both those who are qualified by virtue of their job and training, and those who are qualified by virtue of their own experiance. If possible it would be helpful to talk to others who have considered such alterations and not gone through with them. It's a huge decision that shouldnt be taken without you being as informed as you possibly can be, whatever you ultimately decide.

I hope you manage to work things out in such a way that you end up with the best possible outcome for you, in your particular circumstance.

You should stop bitching, go on the way you are until you know what you want to do, then do it.

Yeah, that's the thing too, people often underestimate, or sometimes overestimate, how people will act. Maybe they will be more understanding than you think. Weighing your options is also good too. I think you need to decide which kind of misery would be worse, if being happy with who you are could make up for losing those you love, or if having them could make up for not being who you truly are. I agree with Emperor too, you should talk to a professional about this, they can help you much more than we can.

You, and everybody for that matter can shorten my NS name to "Sal"... saves typing ;)

Again I'd re-iterate that you need to speak to qualified people about what you feel you need to do. As Peopleandstuff also mentioned, it would be very good to speak to people that have gone thru this procedure as well as others considering it.

Find a counsellor or even a doctor, most likely they've got contact details for a support group of some description. Ultimately the decision is your own to make... but considering that it is such a big one I'd personally be wanting every last scrap of information so that I could make an informed decision.

Wait wait wait, i got to "I am a woman in a man's body ... and I'm a lesbian" then I hit "and what's your problem?" Not to be offensive but that was pretty much all I got to

You should stop bitching, go on the way you are until you know what you want to do, then do it.

I'd like to introduce you to my LART, repeatedly even.

*thump*

I'm not trying to be snide, but after reading your post I am confused about something. You are a lesbian in a male's body? :confused:

I'd like to introduce you to my LART, repeatedly even.

*thump*
Sorry, had dinner already. Maybe other day.

And yet, the solution is that simple. What will happen if he does nothing. Nothing! That's the wonder of being as young as he is and not being in mortal danger.

Now, if he has a depressive condition, well, he should have that looked after first. Otherwise, whatever decision he makes is going to be the wrong one.

Once he has matured a bit more, gotten more sexually experienced and talked to more people, then he can make a decision.

Meanwhile he's just wasting valuable time just complaining, feeling miserable, and blaming all his problems on his gender confusion.

Somebody clue me in here. A male lesbian? Is this a verified state of being or is this just another term for heterosexual?

You need to talk to a qualified psychologists who knows about this sort of thing.

Somebody clue me in here. A male lesbian? Is this a verified state of being or is this just another term for heterosexual?
He's a male who'd like to have a woman's body to have sex with women who like women.

Frankly, I wouldn't go to all that trouble myself, but, hey, it's his life.

He's a male who'd like to have a woman's body to have sex with women who like women.

Frankly, I wouldn't go to all that trouble myself, but, hey, it's his life.
I'm starting to think there is no real gender confusion, and if there is, why doesn't he just stay where he is.

He's a male who'd like to have a woman's body to have sex with women who like women.

Frankly, I wouldn't go to all that trouble myself, but, hey, it's his life.

So, he's basically a heterosexual who is attracted to lesbians? Seriously, this is confusing. I am fully aware of the physical dynamics in heterosexual and homosexual relationships, so I don't understand what impediment his gender would cause him other than not being attractive to lesbians.

Don't give me that stupid saying "im a girl in a guys body" bullsh*t. You were born a girl so you are a girl. DEAL WITH IT!!!

If your so sure your a boy, then go get the freaking fake d**k and two fake pin pong balls. To make yourself feel better. If you can't handle making the choice, go kill yourself. It will be one less idoit on the planet.

That's my advice...

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

I'm not trying to be snide, but after reading your post I am confused about something. You are a lesbian in a male's body? :confused:

Gender identity is not the same thing as sexual persuasion. If a man feels that he is trapped in the wrong gender and wants to become a woman, that doesn't automatically mean that he wants to become a woman in order to have sex with men.

I don't mean to be critical but I never realised so few people grasped anything beyond plain heterosexuality. Is it really that hard?

I'm starting to think there is no real gender confusion, and if there is, why doesn't he just stay where he is.
That's what I told him. Stay where you are until you can sort it out and then sort it out. Meanwhile don't worry about it.

Don't give me that stupid saying "im a girl in a guys body" bullsh*t. You were born a girl so you are a girl. DEAL WITH IT!!!

If your so sure your a boy, then go get the freaking fake d**k and two fake pin pong balls. To make yourself feel better. If you can't handle making the choice, go kill yourself. It will be one less idoit on the planet.

That's my advice...

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

Thanks for your enlightenment, but I believe the thread dedicated to "your type" is on like page 27.

So, he's basically a heterosexual who is attracted to lesbians? Seriously, this is confusing. I am fully aware of the physical dynamics in heterosexual and homosexual relationships, so I don't understand what impediment his gender would cause him other than not being attractive to lesbians.
Well, certain perceptions about yourself go hand in hand with the shape of your body. You may want larger tits and not having an ugly thing dangling between your legs because that's simply the way you see yourself.

Don't give me that stupid saying "im a girl in a guys body" bullsh*t. You were born a girl so you are a girl. DEAL WITH IT!!!

If your so sure your a boy, then go get the freaking fake d**k and two fake pin pong balls. To make yourself feel better. If you can't handle making the choice, go kill yourself. It will be one less idoit on the planet.

That's my advice...

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

Good to see you didn't read the post at all before launching into one of the dumbest tirades I've ever had the misfortune to read.

Gender identity is not the same thing as sexual persuasion. If a man feels that he is trapped in the wrong gender and wants to become a woman, that doesn't automatically mean that he wants to become a woman in order to have sex with men.

I don't mean to be critical but I never realised so few people grasped anything beyond plain heterosexuality. Is it really that hard?

I am fully aware of homosexuality and heterosexuality. I just wasn't aware that there was a difference between gender identity and sexual persuasion. I appreciate your explaining to me. Never too old to learn something new.

Good to see you didn't read the post at all before launching into one of the dumbest tirades I've ever had the misfortune to read.

I did waste my time reading this thread, but I speak the brutal truth. If someone has to go to a forum to figure out what to do with her body, that person is a idoit!

I just said in my earlier post that. If she's so sure about being a guy then she should stop wasting time and just do it.

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

I did waste my time reading this thread, but I speak the brutal truth. If someone has to go to a forum to figure out what to do with her body, that person is a idoit!

I just said in my earlier post that. If she's so sure about being a guy then she should stop wasting time and just do it.

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

Reading comprehension isn't one of your strong suits, is it?

All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us All Your Base Are Belong To Us

I did waste my time reading this thread, but I speak the brutal truth. If someone has to go to a forum to figure out what to do with her body, that person is a idoit!

I just said in my earlier post that. If she's so sure about being a guy then she should stop wasting time and just do it.

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh
People think you didn't read the thread because the thread author is compaining that they are a female, in a males body, thus they are a GUY who wants to be a GIRL.

anyway, my advice is to wait until college is over, find a counsellor to make sure that this IS what you want to do (as it's not something you want to go into with any doubts, and you don't want to later find out you made a mistake) then if you are sure, get the surgery. I don't know about your parent's or if they'll ever accept you, but you should at least wait until it will matter less. And either convince your friends that they should accept you (Unless they're uberconservatives they should) or find some friends you know will support you. Wait until you are financially able. And know EVERYTHING about the proceedure before you go into it.

I did waste my time reading this thread, but I speak the brutal truth. If someone has to go to a forum to figure out what to do with her body, that person is a idoit!

I just said in my earlier post that. If she's so sure about being a guy then she should stop wasting time and just do it.

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

It is a guy who feels that he should be a woman.

I mean, other than completely getting the gender wrong you've obviously paid a great deal of attention to what is written.

<flame removed because it is a waste of time>

I am fully aware of homosexuality and heterosexuality. I just wasn't aware that there was a difference between gender identity and sexual persuasion. I appreciate your explaining to me. Never too old to learn something new.

That's cool, sorry if I came across being harsh at all. I've had my tolerances kinda stripped bare today so I tend to get narky at people rather quickly.

There is a great big wide world out there when it comes to issues regarding gender identification and sexual persuasion. I just forget that not everyone has had the exposure to it that I have.

I agree with some people that you should get help in your decision, I also think you should talk to your friends and family and get their opinion. Yes, it will probably be very hard to do, but you never know, if they're true then they should still love you no matter what. Most of all, do what you feel best.

It is a guy who feels that he should be a woman.

I mean, other than completely getting the gender wrong you've obviously paid a great deal of attention to what is written.

<flame removed because it is a waste of time>

I think you got the gender wrong, and even if it is wrong.

My advice still works if "it" is sure that "it" is something else then then that person needs the change it's body because feelings like those are unlikely going to change.

Posted by the Satanic Priest, Lord Medivh

Here's what you have to do, And I am being completely serious.

1.) Don't do anything until you're doen with college, believe me, its better to get that out of the way and to have a college degree under your belt before you go around changing the state of what's under your belt.
2.) steps 2A and 2B are interchangeable, but its probably better to do 2A first for reasons I will reveal
2A.) Get the operation, it is absolutley necesary for several reasons, such as extending the period of time you will be able to go without doing rash things like committing suicide.
2B.) Move to Austin (You should do this one last because I'm not sure of the availanility of sex change surgery within the Texas borders) This is also a necesary step B/C as a post M2F Sexchange and ( I believe you said) homosexual in Austin Texas You will not be alone (In fact, I believe there is a bar on sixth street where they congregate). We have many weirder people than that already living here and they are all accepted, contrary to the rest of Texas, Austin is very liberal (But easily accepts its equally conservative citizens) In addition, Austin is a happening place full of weirder than you people and a (generally) uplifting attitude.

i wasnt coming here expecting hugely important advice, i was just posting because i needed to tell someone, anyone who would listen

to those people who are "well, whats the problem?"..theres a great deal of difference between your sexual pursuasion and your gender. you know normal female lesbians who have no desire to be male? thats me. unfortunately my body doesnt quite agree

theres alot of difference between sex and gender. sex is physical, gender is mental, and in most cases they agree and everyones happy. in the case of transsexuals, they dont agree and thats where problems start

then the people who say "wait till youve decided what you are"...i know exactly what i am. i am female. thats my gender. but my sex is rather annoyingly male

how would you like it if you were a girl, but you had a penis...you had testoserone flowing through your brain....you needed to shave. you wouldnt, its like your body is tormenting you

and like i said...i wasnt coming here for professional advice or anything, i just needed to tell someone...you know what they say "a problem shared is a problem halved"...and at least telling people on the internet cant wreck my life

From what I've read, Nadkor, your situation appears to be almost suspiciously similar to mine... I should go read the first post again, because I've just blitzed through the last two pages...

Having just read it again, I could post that exact same thing and it'd be correct to the letter... and I have no solution to help you with, or I'd write it in giant letters, and possibly Telegram you with it about... four times just to be sure. But I don't have an answer either, and I know how difficult it is.
Even if I did have the answer, I couldn't be sure if it would help as, despite the similarity of our situation, there is no one answer. Now I understand that you just said it to get it off your chest, and you weren't expecting a solution, but that doesn't mean I don't want to try and give you one. I just can't. Just know that you aren't alone in this.

Hey, I share your pain. But for those of us who don't realistically think they have that option, all that's left is a life of being called gay...and having to emphatically deny it....and then having those calls come louder because of it. It's horrible. My advice, make the change when you can. You'll be more comfortable with yourself, and you wont get anywhere in life if you feel insecure.

First bit of advice, talk to Neo-Anarchists. After that, pretty much follow Cyrian Space's advice.

Sorry to hear this is upsetting you so much, Nadkor, though of course I understand why it is doing so.

What makes you so sure your family and friends would be avowedly against a sex change? Is there even one person that is somewhat liberal about such issues in your family/friends that you could talk to about it? Some people I know (wrongly, in my opinion) will make fun of people in this type of situation, but in reality they don't have such a problem with it. It's hard to tell who's serious and who isn't, of course, but it could be worth trying to find out if those around you really hold strong prejudices against it.

For example, my best friend is gay. I've known this for a long time, but his parents - apparently being very homophobic (making anti-gay jibes all the time and suchlike) and conservative - did not. However, last year he bit the bullet and told his mother. The only thing she was upset about was the fact he'd felt unable to tell her earlier. Later, he told his Dad, who admittedly hit the roof at first. However, when the father had calmed down a bit he said that he'd been brought up in a different culture and it was hard for him to accept, but at the end of the day my friend was still his son and he would always love him. Now things are completely fine between them all.

I know that's not quite as awkward a situation as you are in, but hopefully the principles are similar.

If you feel there's no way you can tell your friends and family at the moment, I agree that you should talk to a psychologist/counsellor (you should maybe do this anyway). They may be able to give you advice on the best way to break this to the others as well as anything else.

I would tend to agree that it's probably best to wait until you've finished uni before you would actually go about getting the treatment and/or operation - that's what, another two or three years? Speaking as one who suffers from depression myself, I know that such a length of time is not ideal to be mentally tormented, but you at least you wouldn't have extra worries about your peers there treating you differently (or even less serious issues like missing classes).

At the end of the day, it's your life and you've got to do what's right for you, in my opinion. If your friends and family wouldn't be able to accept it, that's a terrible blow, but there are plenty out there that will accept you for who you are regardless. If you want to talk to someone local who is such a person, you can TG me. Whatever happens, I hope posting here has given you some catharsis, and that ultimately you can resolve this. Good luck!

My sister has a similiar problem. She feels she should be a guy, but still prefers men. Unfortunately she's in her 30's and married now. Her husband knows and isn't real keen on the idea. Plus she has kids. I think her hubby hpes this is some sort of stage she's going through, but she's talked about it for ten years.

If you really feel it's right for you, don't wait like she did. It may be a hard decision now, but think how much harder it will be to explain to everyone 15 years from now. Explaining you've always felt this way will be a lot harder twenty years from now. You deserve to build relationships built on the real you. Try to imagine living a lie for twenty years or the rest of your life. I think you'd be miserable. If you decide you want it, they will insist on a lot of counseling. You'll be able to explore what you really want and why.
Good luck.

If you really feel it's right for you, don't wait like she did. It may be a hard decision now, but think how much harder it will be to explain to everyone 15 years from now. Explaining you've always felt this way will be a lot harder twenty years from now. You deserve to build relationships built on the real you. Try to imagine living a lie for twenty years or the rest of your life. I think you'd be miserable. If you decide you want it, they will insist on a lot of counseling. You'll be able to explore what you really want and why.
Good luck.
Very well said, Bitchkitten, and I'm sorry your sister is having a hard time - it must be awful. As I said above, I would tend to wait until you've finished your studies, but I agree that waiting too long would only cause more problems in the long run.

In response (though not on Nadkors behalf, merely on my own) to those who say that university/college should be gotten out of the way before taking such a drastic step, I'd agree, in an ideal world. However, the world is less than ideal. As I said, I can't speak for Nadkor, but I couldn't concentrate on my classes or lectures, messed up getting my finances, and several other important things. I didn't have the self-confidence to make many friends (I made one.) , and the entire experience has been nothing short of a disaster for me. Whilst I don't doubt that such advice is meant in the best intent, it can, and at least for me, was, something that's actually cost more time than it has saved, and gave me that much more to worry about.

Wow, I never heard a question like that. Really.

God makes men and women who they are. Go from there.
I do not like seeing people live a false life so what I would tell you is do what YOU think is best and nothing else.

In response (though not on Nadkors behalf, merely on my own) to those who say that university/college should be gotten out of the way before taking such a drastic step, I'd agree, in an ideal world. However, the world is less than ideal. As I said, I can't speak for Nadkor, but I couldn't concentrate on my classes or lectures, messed up getting my finances, and several other important things. I didn't have the self-confidence to make many friends (I made one.) , and the entire experience has been nothing short of a disaster for me. Whilst I don't doubt that such advice is meant in the best intent, it can, and at least for me, was, something that's actually cost more time than it has saved, and gave me that much more to worry about.
I can understand where you're coming from, and am sorry that you had these kind of difficulties :( I would see problems in going through sex-change treatment while at school or university, but I can also see the problems with not doing so. Ultimately, if Nadkor really feels taking this step as soon as possible is best for him, then that's fair enough.

to those people who are "well, whats the problem?"..theres a great deal of difference between your sexual pursuasion and your gender. you know normal female lesbians who have no desire to be male? thats me. unfortunately my body doesnt quite agree
Then to be frank: you shouldn't have brought it up if it is an irrelevant issue

I can understand where you're coming from, and am sorry that you had these kind of difficulties :( I would see problems in going through sex-change treatment while at school or university, but I can also see the problems with not doing so. Ultimately, if Nadkor really feels taking this step as soon as possible is best for him, then that's fair enough.

If I was to make my honest recommendations to Nadkor, or at least what I plan to do, if going to university is one of those things that you just HAVE to do at the time, choose the course entirely on what you want to do the most. what will give you the most pleasure, not the highest paycheck at the end of the day, because you want to be thinking of something that doesn't stress you out. Get everything sorted out months and months beforehand, because leaving it til later, it bites you in the arse big-time. If you feel you have to make a choice during the time between going to university and sorting your own life and problems out, choose your own life. It only gets worse and worse, I assure you. I tried the uni thing just after my first depression... and it's a zillion times worse. Now I'm on anti-depressants and going to a psychiatrist. The main reason that I done so poorly was that I wasn't enthused with the subject, and spent my time thinking on something completely different, so that when the time came to hand in my assignments, nothing was done... when the time came to do my exams, nothing was done, I had simply lost the will to attend. And since this has happened, I'm not sure they're even going to let me back now.

This is just my opinion, from my experience, however.

Here's what you have to do, And I am being completely serious.

1.) Don't do anything until you're doen with college, believe me, its better to get that out of the way and to have a college degree under your belt before you go around changing the state of what's under your belt.
2.) steps 2A and 2B are interchangeable, but its probably better to do 2A first for reasons I will reveal
2A.) Get the operation, it is absolutley necesary for several reasons, such as extending the period of time you will be able to go without doing rash things like committing suicide.
2B.) Move to Austin (You should do this one last because I'm not sure of the availanility of sex change surgery within the Texas borders) This is also a necesary step B/C as a post M2F Sexchange and ( I believe you said) homosexual in Austin Texas You will not be alone (In fact, I believe there is a bar on sixth street where they congregate). We have many weirder people than that already living here and they are all accepted, contrary to the rest of Texas, Austin is very liberal (But easily accepts its equally conservative citizens) In addition, Austin is a happening place full of weirder than you people and a (generally) uplifting attitude.

Good idea. It's where I'm from and there's a very large gay/lesbian/transgendered community. Last time I checked there was a city ordinance against discrimination based on sexual orientation or identity. A friend of mine had to use it because of a housing situation. You'd have to be really weird to stand out in Austin. We had a homeless transvestite(not an attractive one either, he had a beard) run for mayor. And 6th street is the worlds best party place. :D

Oh, Austin prides itself on being weird. You'll see T-shirts all over that say "Keep Austin Weird."

It's a tough decision to make. On the one hand I would say not to change your body. On the other hand, if you really feel that a woman's body is the right thing for you, then you should do it. You also have to take into consideration that the issue doesn't stop there. If you go through with this, you won't be able to just forget about ever having had a man's body. You'll have to deal with issues like, do you tell the woman you love that you were a man?

Hey Nadkor...

You know I completely support you in this. My brother is going through the same thing, though his sexuality is probably more bi than one way or the other. He hasn't gotten to your point yet of wondering if a physical change is necessary.

Have you contacted any LGBTT groups in your area for information? It might help if you could talk to some transgendered, or transexual folks who could shed a bit more light on the process itself, as well as how to cope with the other issues (family and friends). If there is no such alliance in your area, there are certainly resources available on the web, and you should be able to get in touch with some real people facing the same sort of situation you find yourself in.

The biggest question you need to ask yourself is what is best for you? Of course you are going to take your family and life situation into consideration, but would you be okay with staying as you are, sans sex change for the next 50 years, as you say? If your answer is no, it might be time to start researching your options. You don't necessarily have to do this right away...I imagine it is a long process. It doesn't mean throwing away your life, rather, it means a change.

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the happiness in the world!

Meanwhile he's just wasting valuable time just complaining, feeling miserable, and blaming all his problems on his gender confusion.
Or maybe you have no idea about what he is feeling, and perhaps if you have nothing constructive to add, you should visit other threads and post there.

Seriously...

That's what I told him. Stay where you are until you can sort it out and then sort it out. Meanwhile don't worry about it.
This is part of the process of 'sorting it out'.

It will be one less idoit on the planet.

LOL! idoit!
that person is a idoit!
And again! lol.

Hey Nadkor...

You know I completely support you in this. My brother is going through the same thing, though his sexuality is probably more bi than one way or the other. He hasn't gotten to your point yet of wondering if a physical change is necessary.
yea i read about your brother, best of luck to him

Have you contacted any LGBTT groups in your area for information? It might help if you could talk to some transgendered, or transexual folks who could shed a bit more light on the process itself, as well as how to cope with the other issues (family and friends). If there is no such alliance in your area, there are certainly resources available on the web, and you should be able to get in touch with some real people facing the same sort of situation you find yourself in.
i wouldnt even know where to start...suppose the internet is as good a place as any to begin searching for such groups, but in a city of less than half a million, i dont know if there would be any...

The biggest question you need to ask yourself is what is best for you? Of course you are going to take your family and life situation into consideration, but would you be okay with staying as you are, sans sex change for the next 50 years, as you say? If your answer is no, it might be time to start researching your options. You don't necessarily have to do this right away...I imagine it is a long process. It doesn't mean throwing away your life, rather, it means a change.
the answer most definitely is no...i just wouldnt be able to do it. if someone said to me "tough, you can never change" then i wouldnt live very long after that

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the happiness in the world!
thanks very much, i appreciate it :)

Somebody clue me in here. A male lesbian? Is this a verified state of being or is this just another term for heterosexual?

Verified.

'He' isn't a male lesbian - 'she' is a lesbian, in a man's body.

'He' would only be heterosexual if 'he' were a 'he'.

Since 'he' is actually a 'she' (in actual gender), just housed in the anatomy of a 'he' - all the gender orientations are, in fact, reversed.

Imagine for one second, that your 'being' (whatever you believe makes you 'YOU') was somehow removed, and placed in the body of the opposite gender... would you still 'fancy' the same gender you do now? Would that make you more straight/more gay, in your new body?

ok, i need this to be completely serious, because i am. i know this probably isnt the best

place to ask, but please, nobody coming in with the "youre going to hell!" crap :(

as some of you might know i have had "issues" in matching my inner gender with my physical

sex. to use a cliched phrase, im a girl in a guys body. oh, and to make things that little bit

more complicated, im a lesbian

so, i now have a decision to make

do i leave things as they are and hope i can stand living as the wrong sex? which has been

hard enough for the last 19 years, and frankly another 50 would be...well, hard is a massive

understatement

or, do i sort this out, go on hormones and eventually go for surgery? the downside of this is

that i will alienate myself from many of my friends, my family will most likely disown me, i

will have to drop out of uni, and i will have to find some accomodation, plus some way of

paying for it - i imagine it wont be easy to get a job while your half way through changing

your sex. add to that the general problems i would have in society.

if i choose the first, i will be more or less miserable for the rest of my life, but i will

have my family and friends

if i choose the second, i will be one step on the way to being content with myself, and i

could live my 20s the way i should - but at the cost of everything i hold dear to me.

usually i would think "go with your heart", but in this case even my heart cant decide...i

know what i want but its whether im prepared to make those massive sacrifices....

why the fuck does it have to be me....:(

sorry, i just needed to get that off my chest...

My advice... wait until you finish Uni, and get yourself one of those decent paying jobs that are supposed to be out there.

With a degree, you can probably get something with a degree of security, and a fair bit of money.

That way - if you 'go for it', you'll have the money to do it, and might even still have a job afterwards.

Regarding family and friends. More difficult. I'd like to say "if they really care for you, they'll accept you afterwards"... but who can ever say for sure.

To me - family is not about blood... it's about the people you choose, and that choose you... so maybe it would be easier for me.

It sounds like you have made up your mind already - and are just 'nervous', about all you might lose.

I guess you have to make that decision, and then go with it... "who dares, wins"... maybe.

Or maybe you have no idea about what he is feeling, and perhaps if you have nothing constructive to add, you should visit other threads and post there.

Seriously...
Of course I have no idea how he's feeling, and even if I did it wouldn't help him. Neither do you, by the way. Only he knows how he's feeling, and he can choose to keep feeling that way or feel better. Now, if he doesn't think he can make a good decision right now, then he shouldn't do it. But there are things he can do to feel better while he makes a decision.

And the first one is to stop wallowing in his misery and think about something constructive that he can do.

Frankly, people spend way too much time thinking about what they can't do and too little about what they can.

Somebody clue me in here. A male lesbian? Is this a verified state of being or is this just another term for heterosexual?

Ever heard of Eddie Izzard.....?


Are there any lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgendered groups in your area? Because they're the people you should be talking to, not a bunch of random people on NS. Is there a group at your uni? (If I read your post correctly, you're at uni, yeah?). I know theres a group at mine.

How old are you again? 19? omg..

C'mon Please.. get your life priorities straightened out first. Finish your studies and get a job first.

I've always felt that my life would have been so much better had I been born a woman, but I always had the state of mind that having a sex change would cause more problems than it solved and was not an option. Give me one wish, and it went from becoming a woman, to becoming two people, myself, and a woman with a hivemind linking the two so I could control each separately but still know what both are sensing/thinking at the same time, but a free sex change operation, and I'd pass.

Oddly enough, my girlfriend wished she was a guy, so I guess we balance each other out.

I'd say give it another year or two, perhaps even get through college like suggested, and if you still feel like a sex change is the answer, then go for it. I'm 22, and around your age was near the end of my worst stage, I've since gotten over desperately wanting to be a woman to accepting being a guy who has a thing for lingerie among other such woman-related stuff.

Luckily, my girlfriend also loves and accepts me for all my perversions and eccentricies, so I'm pretty much set... :D

Frankly, people spend way too much time thinking about what they can't do and too little about what they can.
I don't think Nadkor is thinking about what he can't do...he is exploring possibilities and trying to figure out the logistics of the thing, which seems to me a pretty constructive thing to do. I don't hear any "wah wah I can't" from him, I'm hearing "ARGGH! This is a hard choice! What do I need to take into consideration?"

first of all you have to do what makes YOU happy. there is no sense living in misery in hope to make your friends and family happy. they will be very unhappy when you kill yourself

secondly GO SLOW. its a long expensive process anyway so you dont have much choice but to go slow. for example you can live as a woman the whole way through college while you are finding the right doctors for you and getting yourself into a financial situation that can pay for the procedures.

people are much more supportive than you might expect. sure youll lose some family/friends but those who love you most will come to accept it and understand why its necessary

good luck to you.

thanks to all the people who have showed support :)

thanks to all the people who have showed support :)

It's the least I could do. It goes without saying that if you need to rant, feel free to Telegram me. New telegrams always get my ego flowing anyway.

It's the least I could do. It goes without saying that if you need to rant, feel free to Telegram me. New telegrams always get my ego flowing anyway.
thanks alot :)