NationStates Jolt Archive

This thread is for unfunny NS'ers like me to get together and trade our jokes/lines that only we will laugh at. This is so we can pretend to be funny. Yay for those of us who are not humoruous.

This thread is for unfunny NS'ers like me to get together and trade our jokes/lines that only we will laugh at. This is so we can pretend to be funny. Yay for those of us who are not humoruous.
that wasn't funny.

Hey, I'm nasty and sarcastic, but I'm not funny. Or at least not intentionally. :p

Hey, I'm nasty and sarcastic, but I'm not funny. Or at least not intentionally. :p
i find you amusing, in a condescending and patronizing, pat you on the head sorta way.

i find you amusing, in a condescending and patronizing, pat you on the head sorta way.

Thank you. I feel so much better now :D I think :confused:

what is the difference between a jew and a canoe??

A canoe tips.

JK I LOVE JEWS :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

Here's one for you math humorists...but you gotta write it out:
A mathematician's pick up line: The integral of e^x with parameters me to you.

what's the difference between a jewish american princess and an italian american princess?








with the italian american princess the jewlry is fake but the orgasms are real.

i love everyone, just in a shallow superficial sort of way

In Soviet Russia the unfunny don't laught at *your* jokes. :D

In Soviet Russia the unfunny don't laught at *your* jokes. :D
In Soviet Russia, joke laughs at unfunny people.

In Soviet Russia, joke laughs at unfunny people.

Now be nice. :(

Now be nice. :(
Me, or the jokes?

Me, or the jokes?

Nuttin... I've just been humour challenged lately.

Here's one for you math humorists...but you gotta write it out:
A mathematician's pick up line: The integral of e^x with parameters me to you.
Someone pat me on the back for horrendous bad taste! c'mon, I thought it was funny :confused:

Someone pat me on the back for horrendous bad taste! c'mon, I thought it was funny :confused:

I do believe we have a winner. Quick someone throw a shoe at him! :D

Someone pat me on the back for horrendous bad taste! c'mon, I thought it was funny :confused:
Umm, what is this "integral of e^x" you speak of?
:confused:

Umm, what is this "integral of e^x" you speak of?
:confused: the notation for an integral is a big squiggly S kinda like on a violin

I do believe we have a winner. Quick someone throw a shoe at him! :D

*bows proudly, then ducks*

the notation for an integral is a big squiggly S kinda like on a violin
Oh, so THAT's what an integral is!

Hee, I get it now.

How about another one for mathies:

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a fly?



nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scallar

Here's one for you math humorists...but you gotta write it out:
A mathematician's pick up line: The integral of e^x with parameters me to you.

Awesome, here's some: Baby, you can integrate my function anytime. Is that a global maximum or are you just happy to see me? You must be a limit to infinity because you're out of this world!

How about another one for mathies:

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a fly?



nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scallar

|mountain climber||fly|sin(theta) :D

Awesome, here's some: Baby, you can integrate my function anytime. Is that a global maximum or are you just happy to see me? You must be a limit to infinity because you're out of this world!

math can definately be chock full of racy innuendoes. who knew? ;)

|mountain climber||fly|sin(theta) :D
NOOOO first rule with crossproducts: they both need a direction!!
one small cookie for effort.

NOOOO first rule with crossproducts: they both need a direction!!
one small cookie for effort.

Well, I didn't feel like typing out the whole damn long thing. Just guesstimate using the right-hand rule.

Well, I didn't feel like typing out the whole damn long thing. Just guesstimate using the right-hand rule.
I don't think this is clear enough: a fly is a vector so that's kosher, however, a mountain climber is a scaler value: magnitude only, no crossproduct can do. The unfunniness resides in the bad puns. K?

Theorem. A cat has nine tails.

Proof. No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails.

Theorem. A cat has nine tails.

Proof. No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails.


ok...this is getting sad. I will slink back to my chem studying.

I ate bad cheese. Now I feel sick.

Bwahahahahah Lol lol lol lmao. bwahahahahah.

*sigh*

I don't think this is clear enough: a fly is a vector so that's kosher, however, a mountain climber is a scaler value: magnitude only, no crossproduct can do. The unfunniness resides in the bad puns. K?

Oh, the mountain climber can only go up so thats makes him a scalar. I see. Of course, he could be a mulitple of the k unit vector.

Theorem. A cat has nine tails.

Proof. No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails.

Rofl. Man, we need lives. :D

Oh, the mountain climber can only go up so thats makes him a scalar. I see. Of course, he could be a mulitple of the k unit vector.

NO man, he SCALES moutains. He is a SCALER. Likewise, a fly is a VECTOR ie. a carrier of deseases. Heavens above! way to regurgitate a perfectly good joke into math oblivion.

Ans yes, we need lives that consist of stuff other thatn studying, NS, and cofee. One more thing, last time I checked, I would qualify as "woman" better.

NO man, he SCALES moutains. He is a SCALER. Likewise, a fly is a VECTOR ie. a carrier of deseases. Heavens above! way to regurgitate a perfectly good joke into math oblivion.

Ans yes, we need lives that consist of stuff other thatn studying, NS, and cofee. One more thing, last time I checked, I would qualify as "woman" better.

*Feels extremely dumb* Ohhhh.

*Feels extremely dumb* Ohhhh.

You can redeem yourself by offerig up a brilliant math joke....or comming up with a good nickname for me ;)

What did the constipated mathimatician do?





He worked it out with a pencil.

*cough* Thanks

What did the constipated mathimatician do?





He worked it out with a pencil.

*cough* Thanks
lol :)

You can redeem yourself by offerig up a brilliant math joke....or comming up with a good nickname for me ;)

Snarblmarz, you seem like a Snarblmarz. Perhaps Snarz for short? :confused:

A bunch of functions are sitting in a bar.

Suddenly, the bartender looks out of the window and runs away, screaming "EVERYONE RUN!!! THE DIFFERENTIAL OPERATOR IS COMING!!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: "

All of the functions run away, except for one.

The differential operator comes up to that one function, which is glaring at him defiantly, and says "hey there, little guy... aren't you scared of me? I'm the differential operator! I'll differentiate you into nothing! :mad: "

The function replies:
"HA! I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU! I'M e^x !!! :gundge: "

The differential operator grins evilly and replies...
"Ah, but who ever said that I differentiate with respect to x? ;) "

This has nothing to do with math but: If love is blind, does that mean sex is taking a shot in the dark? :p

A bunch of functions are sitting in a bar.

Suddenly, the bartender looks out of the window and runs away, screaming "EVERYONE RUN!!! THE DIFFERENTIAL OPERATOR IS COMING!!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: "

All of the functions run away, except for one.

The differential operator comes up to that one function, which is glaring at him defiantly, and says "hey there, little guy... aren't you scared of me? I'm the differential operator! I'll differentiate you into nothing! :mad: "

The function replies:
"HA! I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU! I'M e^x !!! :gundge: "

The differential operator grins evilly and replies...
"Ah, but who ever said that I differentiate with respect to x? ;) "

10 rofls to you. Excellent!

omg the lameness!!!!!

Why do elephants paint the bottom of their feet yellow?




So they can hide upside down in the custard. DUH.

Why do elephants paint the bottom of their feet yellow?




So they can hide upside down in the custard. DUH.

THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE! :mad:

Aaaah - lame math jokes :D

God is real, unless proclaimed integer.

--

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.

--

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street cafe watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes they reappeared together with a third person.
- They have multiplied, said the biologist.
- Oh no, an error in measurement, the physicist sighed.
- If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again, the mathematician concluded.

--

And physics can be dirty too ;)
One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro Henry the electron decided to try to get a cute little coil to let him discharge. He picked up Millie Amp and took her for a ride on his Mega cycle. They rode across the Wheatstone bridge, around by the sine wave, and stopped in a magnetic field by a flowing current.
Micro Henry, attracted by Millie's characteristic curves, soon had her resistance at a minimum and his field was fully excited. He laid her on the ground potential, raised her frequency, lowered her capacitance and pulled out his high voltage probe. He inserted his probe into her test socket, connected them in paralell, and began to short circuit her shunt.

Fully excited Millie Amp exclaimed, "Mho, mho, mho." With his tube operating at it's maximum peak current and her coil vibrating from the current flow, she soon reached her maximum peak potential. The excess current flow had gotten her coil hot and Micro Henry started rapidly discharging and soon had drained off every last electron.

They fluxed all night trying various connections and sockets, until Micro Henry's bar magnet had lost all of it's field strength. Afterwards, Millie Amp tried self induction and damaged her solenoid. With his batteries fully discharged, Micro Henry was unable to further excite his generator, so they ended it all by reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.

God, I need a life.

THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE! :mad:

Yhea it does silly :p

If it is upside down in custard without yellow painted feet you will see it, but because custard is yellow it will not stand out.

Why did the baby cross the road?




Because it was stapled to the chicken.

How does an engineer make tea given an empty teapot, a stove, a water faucet, a cup, and a tea bag?

Well, he fills the teapot with tap water, turns on the stove, puts the teapot on the stove and lets it boil, then pours a cupful and puts the teabag in.

How does a mathematician make tea given an empty teapot, a stove, a water faucet, a cup, and a tea bag?

Well, he fills the teapot with tap water, turns on the stove, puts the teapot on the stove and lets it boil, then pours a cupful and puts the teabag in.

How does an engineer make tea given a teapot full of water boiling on a stove, and a cup with a teabag in it?

He pours the boiling water into the cup with the teabag.

How does a mathematician make tea given a teapot full of water boiling on a stove, and a cup with a teabag in it?

Well, he turns off the stove, takes the teabag out of the cup, and pours the water out of the teapot down the drain, hereby reducing the problem to one that's already been solved! :D

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was stapled to the first monkey.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

Peer pressure.

How does an engineer make tea given an empty teapot, a stove, a water faucet, a cup, and a tea bag?

Well, he fills the teapot with tap water, turns on the stove, puts the teapot on the stove and lets it boil, then pours a cupful and puts the teabag in.

How does a mathematician make tea given an empty teapot, a stove, a water faucet, a cup, and a tea bag?

Well, he fills the teapot with tap water, turns on the stove, puts the teapot on the stove and lets it boil, then pours a cupful and puts the teabag in.

How does an engineer make tea given a teapot full of water boiling on a stove, and a cup with a teabag in it?

He pours the boiling water into the cup with the teabag.

How does a mathematician make tea given a teapot full of water boiling on a stove, and a cup with a teabag in it?

Well, he turns off the stove, takes the teabag out of the cup, and pours the water out of the teapot down the drain, hereby reducing the problem to one that's already been solved! :D


heh... if that was funny I would laugh =)

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was stapled to the first monkey.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

Peer pressure.


Brilliant!

What is red and hangs 4 feet off the ground.....



A dead baby on a meat hook.

How many political idealists does it take to change a lightbulb?







Trick question, political idealists can't change shit.

Bust that one out at a party and see how many friends you make.

A fish swam into a wall.

Dam(n).



Now thats severely unfunny. :D

A fish swam into a wall.

Dam(n).



Now thats severely unfunny. :D

hahaha... that great, I almost wet myself. I guess I should hold onto my drink next time =(

A skeleton walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop."



A man walks into a restaurant, when the waiter comes, the man says "I'd like an alligator sandwich, and make it snappy."


*pauses for laughter*

A skeleton walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop."



A man walks into a restaurant, when the waiter comes, the man says "I'd like an alligator sandwich, and make it snappy."


*pauses for laughter*

*shoves bottle cap down throat to make self laugh* ha... ha... ha
That was so funny I almost forgot to laugh, lucky I remembered though =)

*explodes* :eek: