NationStates Jolt Archive

Ooooooooooooooooo think i'd have to say either: Mr apricot sketch or- "do you want to come back to my place?" HAHHahhahahahhahahhaha whats yours?

Spanish Inquisition and the one with Hitler trying to rise to power in an English suburb.

Hells Grannies is pretty good. As is the legendary dead parrot sketch. Or the four Yorkshiremen.

Spanish inquisition, mainly because they're so unexpected.

I do love Four Yorkshire Men. And The Argument sketch. And the Travel Agency. And the Spanish Inquisition.... Argh there are too many! They're all great :D

I (sadly) haven't seen that many of them. From the ones I have seen, these are my favourites: The Spanish Inquisition, The Dead Parrot, the Lumberjack Song and the Philosophers Song. Brilliant.

Ministry of Silly Walks!

Or the one with Hilter, Bimmler and Ran Vibbentrop.

Dead Parrot

I do not know the name but it is about a milkman who goes to this mansion he is lead into the home withour a words spoken seductively by a beauty who leads him into the mansion.

She then leads him to a large winding staircase and again seductively motions him to come hither. She leads him up to a door smiling at him ( He just knows he is gonna get some) then she opens the door and pushes him in..
the camera pans on the room and it is full of milkmen LMAO!!!

She is collecting milkmen LMAO!!

Call me a heretic, but I still prefer the Goodies, or even for that matter, I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again... now we'll see who knows their comedic history with that one.

...Philosophers Song...

"Yes Socrates himself is particularly missed, a lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed"

Absolutely awesome.

The Killer Joke

Is your wife a goer? Does she go? I bet she does! say no more! say no more!

"Cyril Connolly?"

"No, semi-carnally..."

Five points to the person who can identify that sketch.

The Knights of Ni :p

"We want a shrubbery!"

the entire life of brian movie

The one in Life of Brian is good, where Brian writes Romans go Home on the wall in Latin, the a Roman centurion finds him and forces him to write it out in correct Latin two hundred times ;)

"We want a bonsai! Make sure it's a pretty one, not too expensive" "Join us in our search for the Holy sake cup!"


Dennis Moore, The Bruces, IT man from the sea, Albatross...Viking movie, Bicycle Repair Man, Silly Walks, Lumberjacks, Cheese, Spam....ok I'll stop now...oh wait, and the trailer to Grail.
Plus the films of course.

The Funniest Joke in the World - so hilarious, you'll die laughing.

Well, that and pretty much every other sketch, although honourable mentions must go to the Spanish Inquisition, the Lumberjack Song, the entire Quest for the Holy Grail and Life of Brian movies and Upper Class Twit of the Year.

And with special honorary mention to the Book of Armaments and the Holy Handgrenade of Antioch.

Ohhh my ohhh my there are so many

Parrot sketch
Not really a sketch but the opening of the meaning of life “birth” was great

Lumberjack
Military faerie dance skit

Not to forget the architect sketch (I love how it burns down) that one was from flying circus

Great times

"But it doesn't have MUCH Spam in it."

"Cyril Connolly?"

"No, semi-carnally..."

Five points to the person who can identify that sketch.


I'D LIKE TO BUY A FISH LICENSE

KNIGHTS:
Charge!
[squeak squeak squeak]
KNIGHTS:
Aaaaugh!, Aaaugh!, etc.
ARTHUR:
Run away! Run away!
KNIGHTS:
Run away! Run away!...
TIM:
Ha ha ha ha! Ha haw haw! Ha! Ha ha!
ARTHUR:
Right. How many did we lose?
LAUNCELOT:
Gawain.
GALAHAD:
Ector.
ARTHUR:
And Bors. That's five.
GALAHAD:
Three, sir.
ARTHUR:
Three. Three. And we'd better not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite.
ROBIN:
Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?
ARTHUR:
Oh, shut up and go and change your armour.
GALAHAD:
Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make a mistake.
ARTHUR:
Like what?
GALAHAD:
Well... ooh.
LAUNCELOT:
Have we got bows?
ARTHUR:
No.
LAUNCELOT:
We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
ARTHUR:
Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him. Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!
MONKS: [chanting]
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
ARTHUR:
How does it, um-- how does it work?
LAUNCELOT:
I know not, my liege.
ARTHUR:
Consult the Book of Armaments!
BROTHER MAYNARD:
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.
BROTHER MAYNARD'S BROTHER:
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.'
And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
MAYNARD:
Skip a bit, Brother.
BROTHER MAYNARD'S BROTHER:
And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
MAYNARD:
Amen.
KNIGHTS:
Amen.
ARTHUR:
Right!
One!... Two!... Five!
GALAHAD:
Three, sir!
ARTHUR:
Three!
[angels sing]
[boom]

Anyone seen the Lego version of Camelot?
I saw it and thought the DvD would have the whole film :(
I have alternative lyrics for Camelot too somewhere...
*isn't obsessed...just grew up with them*

She then leads him to a large winding staircase and again seductively motions him to come hither. She leads him up to a door smiling at him ( He just knows he is gonna get some) then she opens the door and pushes him in..
the camera pans on the room and it is full of milkmen LMAO!!!

She is collecting milkmen LMAO!!

And then, if memory serves me correctly, the camera switches to a bloke writing at a desk, who mutters something about the milkman (as if continuing the story) then gets frustrated and screws the paper up.

"This is Mr [something, i forget], and he is about to write the funniest joke in the history of the world"

Which is another superb sketch :D

My favourite has to be the ant sketch i think, altho there's so many it's hard to say. I love them, but the more common ones are slightly too prolific ones for me. Oh, the 'upper-middle-class-twit race' is hilarious too :)

"Cyril Connolly?"

"No, semi-carnally..."

Five points to the person who can identify that sketch.

Eric the Half a Bee!

"Is this a retched, demi-bee?
Half a sleep upon my knee?
Some freak, from a menagerie?
NO! It's Eric the half a bee!"

The parrot sketch is good. I also like the Hungarian Phrase Book. And the Upper Class Twit of the Year is high on my list too.

"I will not buy this record, it is scratched!"

Eric the Half a Bee!


8 minutes too late ;)

Dead Parrot, Lumberjack Song and "Every Sperm is Sacred"

Trouble at mill; One o' t' crossbeams gone out 't skew, on t' treddle.

Dinsdale!

8 minutes too late ;)

I'll be honest, I've never seen either Fish License or Eric the Half a Bee as they were originally shown. So are the two connected? Just as the Parrot Sketch leads into the Lumberjack song, does the Fish License lead into Eric the Half a Bee?

Because if it does, you win. If not, I'm confused.

Funniest Joke in the World and the Dead Parrot for me.
Although the argument was a close third.

Just as the Parrot Sketch leads into the Lumberjack song
If I'm not mistaken, originally the Psychotic Barber led to the Lumbjerack Song. They changed it for the movie.

I'll be honest, I've never seen either Fish License or Eric the Half a Bee as they were originally shown. So are the two connected? Just as the Parrot Sketch leads into the Lumberjack song, does the Fish License lead into Eric the Half a Bee?

Because if it does, you win. If not, I'm confused.

Sorry, i was being deliberately as obscure with my reply as the qestion was (well, more so it seems :p)

Edit: found the whole thing :)

**** The Fish License Sketch ****
**** Transcribed 4/18/87 from Monty Python's Previous Record ****


Man (Cleese): (whistles a bit, then) Hello. I would like to buy a fish
license, please.
Postal clerk (Palin): A what?
Man: A license for my pet fish, Eric.
Clerk: How did you know my name was Eric?
Man: No, no, no! My fish's name is Eric. Eric the fish. He's an halibut.
Clerk: What?
Man: He is an halibut.
Clerk: You've got a pet halibut?
Man: Yes, I chose him out of thousands. I didn't like the others, they
were all too flat.
Clerk: You must be a loony.
Man: I am not a loony. Why should I be tarred with the epithet 'loony'
merely because I have a pet halibut? I've heard tell that Sir Gerald
Nabarro has a pet prawn called Simon - you wouldn't call him a loony!
Furthermore Dawn Pathorpe, the lady showjumper, had a clam called
Stafford, after the late chancellor. Alan Bullock has two pikes, both
called Chris, and Marcel Proust had an 'addock! So if you're calling
the author of 'A la recherche de temps perdu' a loony, I shall have to
ask you to step outside!
Clerk: All right, all right, all right. A license?
Man: Yes!
Clerk: For a fish.
Man: Yes!
Clerk: You *are* a loony.
Man: Look, it's a bleeding pet, isn't it? I've got a license for me pet
dog Eric, I've got a license for me pet cat Eric.
Clerk: You don't need a license for your cat.
Man: I bleedin' well do and I've got one! Can't be caught out there!
Clerk: There is no such thing as a bloody Cat License.
Man: Yes there is.
Clerk: No there isn't.
Man: Is!
Clerk: Isn't!
Man: I've bleedin' got one, look! What's that then?
Clerk: This is a dog license with the word 'dog' crossed out and 'cat'
written in in crayon.
Man: The man didn't have the right form.
Clerk: What man?
Man: The man from the cat detector van.
Clerk: The loony detector van, you mean.
Man: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.
Clerk: What cat detector van?
Man: The cat detector van from the Ministry of Housing.
Clerk: Housing?
Man: It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant. I've never
seen so many bleedin' aerials. The man said their equipment could
pinpoint a purr at four hundred yards, and Eric being such a happy cat
was a piece of cake.
Clerk: How much did you pay for this?
Man: Sixty quid and eight for the fruit-bat.
Clerk: What fruit-bat?
Man: Eric the fruit-bat.
Clerk: Are all your pets called Eric?
Man: There's nothing so odd about that. Kemel Attaturk had an entire
menagerie called Abdul.
Clerk: No he didn't.
Man: Did!
Clerk: Didn't!
Man: Did, did, did, did, did and did!
Clerk: Oh all right.
Man: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a fish
license?
Clerk: I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one.
Man: In that case give me a bee license.
Clerk: A license for your pet bee.
Man: Correct.
Clerk: Called Eric? Eric the bee?
Man: No.
Clerk: No?
Man: No, Eric the half bee. He had an accident.
Clerk: You're off your chump.
Man: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquialism to
imply that my sanity is not up to scratch, or even to deny the
semi-existence of my little chum Eric the half bee, I shall have to
ask you to listen to this. Take it away, Eric the orchestra-leader.
Eric Idle: A one, two, a one two three four!

Man (sings): Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee has got to be
Vis a vis, its entity. D'you see?

But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee
When half the bee is not a bee
Due to some ancient injury?

Singing.

Chorus: La dee dee, one two three,
Eric the half a bee.
A B C D E F G,
Eric the half a bee.

Man: Is this wretched demi-bee,
Half-asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric the half a bee!

Chorus: Fiddle de dum, Fiddle de dee,
Eric the half a bee.
Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
Eric the half a bee.

Man: I love this hive, employ-ee,
Bisected accidentally,
One summer afternoon by me,
I love him carnally.

Chorus: He loves him carnally,
Semi-carnally.

Man: The end.
Clerk: Cyril Connolly?
Man: No, semi-carnally!
Clerk: Oh.
Chorus: Cyril Connolly. (Whistle end of tune.)

If I'm not mistaken, originally the Psychotic Barber led to the Lumbjerack Song. They changed it for the movie.


100% correct.

The argument and the architect sketch are def. the best!!! woot woot! :)

When you're chewing on life's gristle...don't grumble, give a whistle! This'll...help things turn out for the best....so,

Always look on the briiiiight side of life.

"Cyril Connolly?"

"No, semi-carnally..."

Five points to the person who can identify that sketch.

Eric the Half A Bee.......... :D

I think my absolute favorite sketch was the Blemanges (sp?) from Flying Circus.

"They mean to win Wimbledon!"

Of course, I don't think Monty Python has done anything I didn't like...

I think my absolute favorite sketch was the Blemanges (sp?) from Flying Circus.

"They mean to win Wimbledon!"

Of course, I don't think Monty Python has done anything I didn't like...

I think some of the gilligan animations were a bit obscure to be funny, even to my slightly twisted brain.

A couple of sketches led to the Lumberjack song, originally sung by Palin the barber.
It's 'blancmange' a medieval dessert.

I forgot 'Fish dance' I mean how could have I forgotten that? :headbang:
*slaps herself with a herring then slaps Toujours-Rouge with a bass*

Hell's Grannies or How not to be Seen.

I don't particularly like 'Hells Grannies'. I think the best sketch is undoubtedly
'How not to be seen'.