NationStates Jolt Archive

hey y'all,

I've been a member for some time, and have seen some good advice about relationships come from this forum, so i thought i'd throw my question out here.

Let me first say i'm new to dating, and have never really asked a girl out before. There's this one girl who i'm friends with, and would like a more intimate (but non sexual) relationship with, but i'm stuck about asking her on a date. You see, having never been on a date before, i don't quite know what would be 'acceptable' for a first date. Any input on this would be much appretiated.

Moshubh Vladd,

Secretary-General

hey y'all,

I've been a member for some time, and have seen some good advice about relationships come from this forum, so i thought i'd throw my question out here.

Let me first say i'm new to dating, and have never really asked a girl out before. There's this one girl who i'm friends with, and would like a more intimate (but non sexual) relationship with, but i'm stuck about asking her on a date. You see, having never been on a date before, i don't quite know what would be 'acceptable' for a first date. Any input on this would be much appretiated.

Moshubh Vladd,

Secretary-General

Depends on the girl. If she's equally inexperienced in matters of dating/relationships/love/etc, it might be a good idea to be open and honest to her about it. Tell her you'd like to get closer, but that you don't know how/where to take her for a first date. She'll probably think it's cute, and after she answers you'll know where to take her.

I always thought the cinema was a good enough first date. I havent been on many dates before, well only 1, and she asked me. It offers a chance to have a good time spending time with them, but also avoids the worry of not having much to talk about. If that makes sense. My worry for you is that she is your friend. In my experiance, girls often don't like going out with friends, if you have known her for some years, and have been good friends for that long, she may be liable to play the friends card.

Guy needs help in relationship

Don't we all friend, don't we all.

I always thought the cinema was a good enough first date. I havent been on many dates before, well only 1, and she asked me. It offers a chance to have a good time spending time with them, but also avoids the worry of not having much to talk about. If that makes sense. My worry for you is that she is your friend. In my experiance, girls often don't like going out with friends, if you have known her for some years, and have been good friends for that long, she may be liable to play the friends card.

I was also thinking along the cinema line, so I agree with you on that. On the other hand, I kind of disagree about the friends thing. I see where you're coming from; sometimes we think it'd be weird to get more intimate with a friend, but most of my relationships (all except 1) have come from friendship first. I think it's a good, stable base... but yes, you're right, as long as she's thinking that way as well.

You could take her to a swinger's club, that always leaves a interesting impression on a girl. Just kidding :) Seriously, I would take her to movies, mini-golf, hiking, skating, bowling. Maybe find out what she likes then find something you could both enjoy.

[QUOTE=The Hong Kong Fuse Box]I always thought the cinema was a good enough first date. QUOTE]

Thats just what i was thinking. And then maybe you can give her a gift like a mixed cd, or chocolates..or a cute card of some sort (could be funny too). just dont make it too serious since its only your first time.

Seriously, I would take her to movies, mini-golf, hiking, skating, bowling. Maybe find out what she likes then find something you could both enjoy.

Thats a great idea too. Just find a way to know if she likes you in return or not.

thx for the input guys....

hearing movie (cinima) alot, that sounds like a good choice...i just gotta find out if there's anything showing she likes...

about the friends thing, that's not a prob, since we only became friends after i told her i liked her, and recently, she's been saying the same to me ;) ...

First thing: Ask her personally, don't send anyone to do that for you!

2.Tell her what you think, be cute, nice (every girl likes to hear certain things)
3. You could tell her for example: "Could I talk to you in private for a second, please? ( takes it on a serious ground, but smile a bit when saying this)
...(look into her eyes and say something like) i really think we have a great friendship and i really don't want to ruin it, but i..um (nervousness makes it less acted) ...i have been thinking about something for a while (makes it more important) and i like you...a lot actually, so i wanted to ask you if you would like to go out with me sometime? MAybe on ....?

4. Don't go all macho, just try to be yourself, be honest!!

Believe me I'm a girl, i would say yes, but somone asked me about some other girl, whom i can't really stand, so...

Send me an Mail if you've got any more questions: Ikruemelchen@aol.com

[QUOTE=The Hong Kong Fuse Box]I always thought the cinema was a good enough first date. QUOTE]

Thats just what i was thinking. And then maybe you can give her a gift like a mixed cd, or chocolates..or a cute card of some sort (could be funny too). just dont make it too serious since its only your first time.
Sure, and you can wear the 'I'm desperate, LOVE ME!!" T-shirt too!

How old are you? Can make a big difference.

The biggest trouble most men make with dating is caring too much about hearing 'no'. If she's dumb enough to say it tou you, then her loss.

The second mistake most men make is talking too much about their favorite subject (themselves) and not enough about her favorite subject (herself).

Best part of all, if you get her to talk about herself you find out all you need to know about how to get to the next level with her. (or if you even want to)


Good luck.

thx for the input guys....

hearing movie (cinima) alot, that sounds like a good choice...i just gotta find out if there's anything showing she likes...

about the friends thing, that's not a prob, since we only became friends after i told her i liked her, and recently, she's been saying the same to me ;) ...

Well then, good luck on your date!

Call me old-fashioned, but "intimate non-sexual relationship" seems like kind of an oxymoron. If you're considering an amorous relationship with someone else, you have to at least accept that somewhere inside you, lurks the desire to do the nasty. Maybe not now, or in the immediate future, but somewhere down the road.

That being said, there is only one trait which, above all others, can aid you in your goals: SELF-CONFIDENCE. I know it's difficult to have this confidence when you've never dated before, but you can easily fake this with a little pre-game preparation. Try this:

1) Ask her out on a date. No amount of planning is worth it if you don't have a date to go on.

2) Have an itinerary planned in advance. This way, you always know what's going to happen next, and this inspires confidence. First-date jitters often result in a big roundtable of "I dunno, what would you like to do next, because I'm up for anything yadda yadda yadda", and this is clearly not confident behavior.

3) If you're really serious about an "intimate non-sexual relationship", then you'll have to rely on your other, more non-physical assets - intelligence and charisma. This means at least one part of your date must encourage conversation. Restaurants, long walks in the park, and shopping are great ways to do this. Also, having conversation topics planned in advance will aid your self-confidence.

4) Plan at least one non-traditional place to go on your date. "Dinner and a movie" is standard date fare, and will make you look just like that - standard. You have to try and find a way to make yourself UNIQUE in her eyes, and this means doing something that not every other guy does. This also extends into self-confidence, because you will present yourself as daring and adventurous.

5) Don't worry about being too "controlling" on the first date -- MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS. This isn't a lack of empathy, it is a responsibility that nobody ever wants to take on a first date. But if you do take this responsibility, it will demonstrate your confidence.

Good luck!

hey y'all,

I've been a member for some time, and have seen some good advice about relationships come from this forum, so i thought i'd throw my question out here.

Let me first say i'm new to dating, and have never really asked a girl out before. There's this one girl who i'm friends with, and would like a more intimate (but non sexual) relationship with, but i'm stuck about asking her on a date. You see, having never been on a date before, i don't quite know what would be 'acceptable' for a first date. Any input on this would be much appretiated.

Moshubh Vladd,

Secretary-General

If you are friends with this girl why don't you just rent a film or something like that.
The movies is a good idea but you cant talk to her much then so it's not really a first date kind of thing.
Ask her out for coffee (I have no idea how old you are or if you drink coffee) at a nice place.
If your lucky and she is a sports fan go to see a game.

Find out if you have anything in common with her and go from there.
Let her talk! Don't talk about you unless she askes you and even then keep it to a minimum.
Focus on her and what she is saying but not too much because then she may think that you are wierd or there is something wrong with her.
A good way is too look into her eyes when she is talking but look to your side from time to time as if you were just checking to see what is going on around you. Note: do not do that if she is talking about something that she finds interesting!
BE CONFIDENT!!!!!!!

Hope this helps you in any way.
Good luck.

Haven't had much luck with relationships myself, but I'm guessing introducing yourself as "Moshubh Vladd, Secretary-General" could be a turn-off (or a turn-on, if she does NS :D ).

Cinema is ok as long as you back it up with one on one time. Girls love to talk. Just remember that. As long as you make it so they love to talk with you. Your in. Women are more attracted by brain stimulation such as talk. Then you can take it from there. Guys they see something that looks really good. Well you know the rest...

cinema dates are good if you're comfortable in each other's company. if you're getting to know someone it can ne a little un nerving to sit in a dark room next to someone. plus if you like each other you'll probably want to chat. so if it was me i'd probably go for 'want to go for a drink/pizza/something else suitably informal' where you can chat and focus on other stuff too. bowling is good too if you get your mates and maybe hers together too.

hmm..hadn't thought about goin w/ friends....but then that might kinda ruin teh 1 on 1 time for talk and stuff...hmm

also, for those who asked, i'm 16, and have my own car (for driving only)...

i was just thinking on the friends point that bowling can be kinda lonely with just the two of you

thought about the theatre? something a bit classy, to impress?

My boyfriend took me to a comedy gig for our first date. It was a really fun night out.

Comedy gig - that's my suggestion.