NationStates Jolt Archive

Spousal abuse story.
http://www.mytelus.com/news/article.do?pageID=world_home&articleID=1849984

Well, you have to ask your husband for divorce. He might have beaten her up even more. I'm not saying what she did was right...

Five minutes in jail...jeez, some prosecuting lawyer. She ought to get at least a half-hour in jail and maybe forty-five minutes.

That said, this dude was seriously fucked-up, but that doesn't warrant her killing him. Lock her up for life. She had the chance to divorce him and didn't do so. THe opportunity was there. She blew it.

Why didn't she just leave him?
Apparently she tried, many times. Women usually do. Then when they really leave for good, their husband hunts them down and kills them (of course I don't mean in all cases). And he watched porn in front of his daughter? I'm sorry, I'm not a violent person, and I don't condone violence, but that really bothers me. Unfortunately, he probably never would have been charged with the abuse he was putting them through...perhaps this wouldn't have happened had there been legal consequences for his behaviour. Sad for a family to be so destroyed by abuse.

I guess I just don't understand a mentality that would willing hang around with (never mind bond oneself to) someone hurtful, destructive ...or even un-fun.

Five minutes in jail...jeez, some prosecuting lawyer. She ought to get at least a half-hour in jail and maybe forty-five minutes.

That said, this dude was seriously fucked-up, but that doesn't warrant her killing him. Lock her up for life. She had the chance to divorce him and didn't do so. THe opportunity was there. She blew it.
You have to understand the power inbalance in an abusive relationship...it is extremely difficult to leave an abusive partner after having been isolated from friends and family (part of the abuse), and having such low self-esteem from years of this treatment. Women in these situations also rarely have financial recourse (no credit because the husband controls the finances), and nowhere to go when they leave. They also risk losing their children, if the abuse is not proven to pose a risk to the child. Many women think, "This is bad, but it's as good as I can get...". It's very sad.

Women(anybody really) getting abused physically and emotionally for a considerable period of time develop an abnormal perspective. It can make something that would seem simple(leaving the jerk) much more complicated. Even under the best of circumstances where you're in a situation where the police will protect you and your children if you need protection.

However, when it comes to sending someone to prison, in my opinion, she should have to be shown to be able to tell the difference between right and wrong, and to be shown that she did not act out of desperation.

I doubt she would have been convicted in the U.S. without that. I can't speak for other countries though.

I guess I just don't understand a mentality that would willing hang around with (never mind bond oneself to) someone hurtful, destructive ...or even un-fun.
I'm glad...it probably means you wouldn't.

I've seen too much of it. The outcome often means the death of one or the other, through murder or suicide.

Anyway....have a good weekend folks, I'm out of here for a few days!

Five minutes in jail...jeez, some prosecuting lawyer. She ought to get at least a half-hour in jail and maybe forty-five minutes.

That said, this dude was seriously fucked-up, but that doesn't warrant her killing him. Lock her up for life. She had the chance to divorce him and didn't do so. THe opportunity was there. She blew it.

Ya, but with the soft hearted liberal direction that South African courts are taking these days, with good behaviour she could have been out in 2 minutes 30 seconds.

You have to understand the power inbalance in an abusive relationship (...) Many women think, "This is bad, but it's as good as I can get...". It's very sad.

Why do you assume power inbalance is always against the women? ISn't this pure sexual discrimination on your part?

Women(anybody really) getting abused physically and emotionally for a considerable period of time develop an abnormal perspective. It can make something that would seem simple(leaving the jerk) much more complicated. Even under the best of circumstances where you're in a situation where the police will protect you and your children if you need protection.

However, when it comes to sending someone to prison, in my opinion, she should have to be shown to be able to tell the difference between right and wrong, and to be shown that she did not act out of desperation.

I doubt she would have been convicted in the U.S. without that. I can't speak for other countries though.

Ya, if you can get found not guilty for chopping off a penis and taking it for a drive because you plead "he was a selfish lover... Oh, and he hit me or something," 5 minutes for murder would seem downright draconian.

You have to understand the power inbalance in an abusive relationship...it is extremely difficult to leave an abusive partner after having been isolated from friends and family (part of the abuse), and having such low self-esteem from years of this treatment. Women in these situations also rarely have financial recourse (no credit because the husband controls the finances), and nowhere to go when they leave. They also risk losing their children, if the abuse is not proven to pose a risk to the child. Many women think, "This is bad, but it's as good as I can get...". It's very sad.

People can't get themselves get in that situation. They can't let the other person take that much control of their finances. When they have that kind of control over another person, it's far worse than any isolation (bridges can be rebuilt) and having low self-esteem (that can also be remade.) It's very often because of conscious choices a person makes, such as when a husband cashes out his paychecks and turns every penny of it over to his cheating wife so she can get it on with another man at a motel while her husband's at work. He doesn't have to cash out his checks; he can tell his wife to fuck off, but that's a decision he makes. When a wife cuts off all her options and blames her husband for it, she is at fault in part. She doesn't have to let it happen.

Why do you assume power inbalance is always against the women? ISn't this pure sexual discrimination on your part?

Most people believe that battered husbands don't exist, it seems to me. Or that those husbands who are "battered" are just overreacting and are sissies who should buck up and take the abuse like a man. After all, whenever a woman hits a man on TV, it's either deserved or for comedic effect.

he deserved it.

People can't get themselves get in that situation. They can't let the other person take that much control of their finances. When they have that kind of control over another person, it's far worse than any isolation (bridges can be rebuilt) and having low self-esteem (that can also be remade.) It's very often because of conscious choices a person makes, such as when a husband cashes out his paychecks and turns every penny of it over to his cheating wife so she can get it on with another man at a motel while her husband's at work. He doesn't have to cash out his checks; he can tell his wife to fuck off, but that's a decision he makes. When a wife cuts off all her options and blames her husband for it, she is at fault in part. She doesn't have to let it happen.

Now, this sounds more reasonable to me. I sincerely think that a lot of power inbalance in a relationship comes from women's bad habit of playing 'poor me' all the time. They get themselves in the worst possible situation, usually for being too lazy to assume responsability for their own lives, and then put the blame on someone else.

Men, on the other hand, cannot do anything without people acusing them of being abusive.

Ok, I do not think the husband in the story that motivated this thread was a nice chap, but to defend the wife is a little over the top for my liking

Why was she even charged? What a lousy place when you can't defend yourself.

People just don't seem to realize the psychological damage from abuse. It usually starts off slowly, so by the time she/he realizes it, they just can't think logically anymore. Their self esteem and ability to think for themselves bottom out. Plus the most likely time for a womwn to be killed in an abusive relationship is when she tries to leave. It's a very dangerous time.

People just don't seem to realize the psychological damage from abuse. It usually starts off slowly, so by the time she/he realizes it, they just can't think logically anymore. Their self esteem and ability to think for themselves bottom out. Plus the most likely time for a womwn to be killed in an abusive relationship is when she tries to leave. It's a very dangerous time.

Agreed.