NationStates Jolt Archive

anybody here suffer from low self-esteem or a crisis in self-confidence? any ideas why this happened, or things you've done to overcome it?

i keep passing up opportunities to do things because i simply don't think i can do them. when i do get talked into doing them (often business-related activities) i get nervous and screw up, or at least i think i do. i might be putting way too much emphasis on the negative aspects of my work, i just don't know. the really infuriating thing is that i know its stupid and i'm only letting myself down, but i don't want to let anybody else down either, so i don't take the risk of taking the job and possibly fucking up. hence an endless cycle: the fewer projects (that i take charge of), the more i feel i'm inexperienced and will probably mess things up.
this spills over to my (non-existant) love life. i've actually never had a g/f (hows that for honesty, "do you lie on this forum" thread? :D ) because i've never had much confidence and the girls always went for the confident (asshole) type. hence, i've missed a few opportunites along the way because i didn't feel confident, didn't know what i was doing, felt inexperienced (im just talking about relationships... doesn't sound like it tho ;) ), and above all didn't think anybody could be attracted to me. a good friend of mine had a crush on me for years apparently and (i see now) she kept subtly trying to get us together. because of this low self-esteem i didn't even realise... :headbang:
something similar happened previously to that case, too, and it may be happening right now :(
damn im so confused :confused:

rant over. (sorry)

I don't have low self-esteem, I have low esteem for others. However I have no self confidence.

The net is filled by people with no self confidence. I should know as I'm one of them.

anybody here suffer from low self-esteem or a crisis in self-confidence? any ideas why this happened, or things you've done to overcome it?

i keep passing up opportunities to do things because i simply don't think i can do them. when i do get talked into doing them (often business-related activities) i get nervous and screw up, or at least i think i do. i might be putting way too much emphasis on the negative aspects of my work, i just don't know. the really infuriating thing is that i know its stupid and i'm only letting myself down, but i don't want to let anybody else down either, so i don't take the risk of taking the job and possibly fucking up. hence an endless cycle: the fewer projects (that i take charge of), the more i feel i'm inexperienced and will probably mess things up.
this spills over to my (non-existant) love life. i've actually never had a g/f (hows that for honesty, "do you lie on this forum" thread? :D ) because i've never had much confidence and the girls always went for the confident (asshole) type. hence, i've missed a few opportunites along the way because i didn't feel confident, didn't know what i was doing, felt inexperienced (im just talking about relationships... doesn't sound like it tho ;) ), and above all didn't think anybody could be attracted to me. a good friend of mine had a crush on me for years apparently and (i see now) she kept subtly trying to get us together. because of this low self-esteem i didn't even realise... :headbang:
something similar happened previously to that case, too, and it may be happening right now :(
damn im so confused :confused:

rant over. (sorry)
Hey quit talking about me.
My problem is i got the munt face so i stopped doing stuff generally relised i couldnt get a girlfriend even though i got asked out a couple of times i said no because i found it easier not to care about real things and no effort is easier than effort.
i put myself down alot

....i found it easier not to care about real things and no effort is easier than effort.....
i put myself down alot
i hear that, man. too true.

Yes, I do. Comes from, in the past, liking a guy who enjoyed playing mind-fuck-games. Now I'm out of that situation it's getting a bit better, but I still have a totally warped self-image and almost no self-esteem around guys I like.

What fun.

Yeah...i'm just a sucker with low self-esteem who occasionally tries to convey a confident exterior. I have a feeling that this thread is gonna be pretty depressing, but meh.

(I think i'm bipolar. I was happy a couple of hours ago :()

Yes, I do. Comes from, in the past, liking a guy who enjoyed playing mind-fuck-games. Now I'm out of that situation it's getting a bit better, but I still have a totally warped self-image and almost no self-esteem around guys I like.

What fun.
ah that sucks :( why do people do things like that??

i got something similar round people i like. i keep thinking that what i'm saying is stupid and that i'm gonna make a total arse out of myself, and then, because i'm concentrating too much on that, and what to say and stuff, i do usually make an arse out of myself anyway. people have just come to accept that im a bit weird... but i dont mean to be :(

Yeah...i'm just a sucker with low self-esteem who occasionally tries to convey a confident exterior. I have a feeling that this thread is gonna be pretty depressing, but meh.

(I think i'm bipolar. I was happy a couple of hours ago :()
same here man; sometimes i'll try to be happy and confident (when i have to be) but so often in situations like that i just want to get away. if i start thinking about how i'm going to screw things up, i probably will... so i don't let myself (a rare sign of mental control there...)
and yes this thread is already depressing me :(

so who else here has low self-confidence and is depressed? ;)

My problems with getting a girl generally come under two categories: religion, and what I don't know until it's too late.
Under the religion category, it's things like: the girl is in a religion that doesn't allow her to go with a boy from outside that particular religion, eg Jehovah's witnesses, assemblies of god. Another thing under the religion category is that the girl is not allowed to go out with anyone unless she's going to marry them quickly, which is illegal for those under 18.

As for what I don't know until it's too late, it's usually a boyfriend that they've just started going out with, and only know about it because I made a fool of myself and asked her out.

From the three reasons above, I've had about three dozen girls turn me down, including two high school formals I've gone through without dates, or even dancing with anyone.

i have insanely low self confidence, about anything and everything. i am also to shy* to bring it up, and to stubborn to ask for help. that and i hate people who always fish for compliments, so i avoid doing that. im too lazy and have to low self confidence to help myself, which sounds stupid in itself. theres more, actually, i just dont feel like posting it.

*i dont mean shy in the conventinal sense, i mean "i freeze up and cant talk to people on my buddylist" shy. ah well.

Yeah...i'm just a sucker with low self-esteem who occasionally tries to convey a confident exterior.

I do this all the time but it takes concentration and after an hour or so im exhausted. Hence at most parties I go up to everyone say g'day then hide in a corner.

Man... I was right... the net is the home of the loser... like me...

etimes i'll try to be happy and confident (when i have to be) but so often in situations like that i just want to get away. if i start thinking about how i'm going to screw things up, i probably will... so i don't let myself (a rare sign of mental control there...)
and yes this thread is already depressing me :(


Oh, I know the feeling. I'm not really like that anymore, though I used to be...i'm confident to the point of being extroverted occasionally, until I get home and I just think what a load of shit everything is. Maybe it's burnout from my job, or something, 'cause I have to be overly happy all the time while people are running me down to my face (customer service environment). I often get comments outside of work when in a pensive mood "Gee, you look like the happiest guy in the world." Maybe i'm turning into a nihilist, and it's not really a lack of self-esteem at all :(

Oh, I hate being angsty. :headbang:

I'll cheer us all up!

http://www.infoagro.com/frutas/frutas_tropicales/images_docs/c_kiwi5_ico.jpg

MWAHAHAHAHA!

You got that right. <weird rant>The internet is the home of those who are like us, or who want to help us. If you do not satisfy either requirement, please leave our home at once, or you will be prosecuted for trespassing. </weird rant>

I can usually hide the worst of my depression under some other emotion while other people are around, but sometimes I feign headaches to keep others from seeing it when it gets bad. Heck, sometimes, it even comes with a real headache so I don't need to fake anything. Of course, when I'm alone, it isn't controlled as easily.

I think low self opinion and a lack of confidence is a product of the home. I mean, in my early teens I had no self confidence at all. I struggled with schoolwork and homework, and when my dad tried to help me solve things it just stuck in my head, unable to come out, and I was rewarded with "are you blind or just stupid?"

The upshot of this was my Dad getting his ribs broke, two teeth knocked out and me leaving home at 18.

But my point is that I'd say most of us go through low self opinion, self esteem, confidence and certainly a degree of depression in our teens because we think we're masters of our own destiny. But we're not. Shit, at 17 I had a car and enough facial hair to get served in most pubs so I was an adult. I knew everything. So it really dragged me down when "The System" was against me and there was bugger all I could do about it.

Part of the problem these days (from my generation on) is that we're all encouraged to grow up so damn fast. But we're not equipped for it and our parents largely think that all social education is the domain of teachers. Well it's not, and I don't bring my kids up thinking that their efforts aren't appreciated.

My daughter's just turned 13 and as yet hasn't had any crises of confidence that her Mum or I know of. But no doubt she will once she starts listening to Slipknot and Korn. ;)

I can usually hide the worst of my depression under some other emotion while other people are around, but sometimes I feign headaches to keep others from seeing it when it gets bad. Heck, sometimes, it even comes with a real headache so I don't need to fake anything. Of course, when I'm alone, it isn't controlled as easily.

Are you a clone of me or what? :confused:

;)

I'll cheer us all up!

http://www.infoagro.com/frutas/frutas_tropicales/images_docs/c_kiwi5_ico.jpg

MWAHAHAHAHA!

Hahahaha, randomness can cure anything :)

But no doubt she will once she starts listening to Slipknot and Korn.

As long as she only listens to the old stuff. :p

Are you a clone of me or what? :confused:

;)

:eek: I do the feign headache thing too!

so who else here has low self-confidence and is depressed? ;)

Oooh me, me! :p

Seriously though, I have absolutely no confidence in myself most of the time. I'm 27 and even though I graduated high school with over a 4.0 average, was voted 'most likely to succeed', got my degree summa cum laude, have an IQ over 150, the whole nine yards, I've never had a job that wasn't secretarial work because I'm too afraid to apply for a job that will actually be challenging to me in case I fail. I have recurring nightmares that I'm back in high school, at the age I am now: it's always something like I was short one credit, and even though I'm desperately trying to explain to the teachers that I've actually graduated from college already and probably don't need to be there, well, there I am. I find that I avoid doing anything because it's easier to just give up and say "I'm a useless failure" than actually try - it's the waiting for everything to go wrong, for another depressive episode to hit me, that's almost worse than the self-harming and suicidal tendencies themselves.

It's funny, even though everyone tells me it's just low self-esteem, to me I'm just being honest with myself when I say I'm fat, lazy, cowardly, stupid, cruel, obnoxious, arrogant, bitchy, etc. I always feel like everyone would hate themself if they were honest enough to really look. But apparently that's 'the depression talking'. I don't hate myself because I want pity, I hate myself because I'm hateful, you know?

I'll cheer us all up!

http://www.infoagro.com/frutas/frutas_tropicales/images_docs/c_kiwi5_ico.jpg

MWAHAHAHAHA!
Yummy

was voted 'most likely to succeed',

Heh, well, I was voted 'most likely to end up in jail'.

Music for the soul. Listening to this lifts my spirit. It also refers to my lifes philosophy.

http://void.digibase.ca/SA2/Theme%20-%20It%20Doesn't%20Matter.mp3

Heh, well, I was voted 'most likely to end up in jail'.
I was voted mostly likely to end up in a mental home.

Avoided it so far. :)

I was voted mostly likely to end up in a mental home.

Avoided it so far. :)

Hehehe, i've avoided mine too. Mine was a joke, really, because so many other people deserved the award more than me. :)

There are a lot of people on the internet with low self esteem, depression or maybe people find it easier to talk about on the internet as there is no (little) actual face to face contact.
Ignoring the fact that spending time on the internet when your depressed is similar to playing with knives when your accident prone the simple pill free soloution to all your self esteem depression problems is to change the way you think.
If you sit there thinking im ugly, im boring, im sad, im lonely, im never going to get anywhere in life then of course your going to be shy, depressed and scared.
If however you think im probably not that ugly and im sure there are people who will like me for who I am rather than what I look like. Some people may find me boring but Im sure there are other people who share my interests (www.google.com). I feel a bit down today what is making me sad and what can I do about it. I don't have many friends but I should instead of worrying about what I don't have maybe I should appericate the friends I do have and my family who will love me whatever. Then your be more happier. Confidence will grow. Life will sort itself out.
It is that easy. However the hard work is changing your mindset. Turning negative thoughts around. And also some people like being low and depressed. These people deserve to be depressed for the simple reason they won't do anything about it.
The power is to change the way you think. Also age brings confidence and a general dislike of young people and the failure of the "I care what people think about me" part of the brain in most cases. Also in some extreme cases a like of the songs of Celine Dion.
Im not some hippy life preacher. I just know from experince that your either happy or sad and apart from some terrible extreme cases most people decide which they are.

i have insanely low self confidence, about anything and everything. i am also to shy to bring it up, and to stubborn to ask for help. that and i hate people who always fish for compliments, so i avoid doing that. im too lazy and have to low self confidence to help myself, which sounds stupid in itself.
same here man. sucks dont it? :(

The internet is the home of those who are like us, or who want to help us. If you do not satisfy either requirement, please leave our home at once, or you will be prosecuted for trespassing.
:D

It's funny, even though everyone tells me it's just low self-esteem, to me I'm just being honest with myself when I say I'm fat, lazy, cowardly, stupid, cruel, obnoxious, arrogant, bitchy, etc. I always feel like everyone would hate themself if they were honest enough to really look. But apparently that's 'the depression talking'. I don't hate myself because I want pity, I hate myself because I'm hateful, you know?
wow, dude. that post got the the heart of it for me. i don't hate myself because i want pity, i hate myself because i don't think i deserve anything better - by others or myself. when i say i'm fat, lazy, cowardly, stupid, cruel, obnoxious, arrogant, bitchy (and the rest) i mean it - its honest self-appraisal.

maybe confidence and the ego are what keeps us from seeing the truth about ourselves; from seeing our own flaws? i know plenty of overconfident people and none of them see their own flaws/problems (often arrogance ;) ) because they are confident enough in themselves to not care. we see our own flaws and this just makes things worse :(

wow, dude. that post got the the heart of it for me. i don't hate myself because i want pity, i hate myself because i don't think i deserve anything better - by others or myself. when i say i'm fat, lazy, cowardly, stupid, cruel, obnoxious, arrogant, bitchy (and the rest) i mean it - its honest self-appraisal.

maybe confidence and the ego are what keeps us from seeing the truth about ourselves; from seeing our own flaws? i know plenty of overconfident people and none of them see their own flaws/problems (often arrogance ;) ) because they are confident enough in themselves to not care. we see our own flaws and this just makes things worse :(

Yeah I think so...it does seem stupid that we're effectively punished for being perceptive, doesn't it? I had a therapist once (one of many, I'm a big ol' mess!) who said that delusion and illusion is sort of the ice that "normal" people skate along to keep going, and that the problem with depression is that you do actually see some things too clearly and get so hung up on them that you can't function. I can't remember how that was supposed to help me exactly, though...maybe it goes along with the 'positive affirmations' thing where if you tell yourself "I'm good and everything's fine" enough you start to believe it? But that just felt phony to me, and I can never decide if it's better to be happy and phony or sad and real.

same here man. sucks dont it? :(

yeah. im just kinda... stuck. its ok though, all i need is someone who can read my thoughts.

I am usually able to get over the whole 'I hate myself' vibe through hanging with my mates and judicious use of mind altering drugs. I'm a junkie on two things - my friends and simple dope.

True fact is, when I don't have either it all hits me again. The only people whose opinions I trust are my mates - certainly not myself. They believe in me, although I'm not sure what they believe about me. But I have no confidence in myself. How can I? I've done the whole 'positive mindset thing'. Ya know, give life a try and it'll all come right.

It doesn't. At least for me. I try, and I fail. I stand up, I get rejected. I open myself to people's support, I get attacked. I can't let myself be vulnerable to anyone new anymore.. It isn't a matter of I think I might fail - it's a proven fact that I'm just gonna get slammed at whatever I put my mind to. I've got faith that god will carry me, and so far he has. But anything I try for myself? Not a chance.

maybe confidence and the ego are what keeps us from seeing the truth about ourselves; from seeing our own flaws? i know plenty of overconfident people and none of them see their own flaws/problems (often arrogance ;) ) because they are confident enough in themselves to not care. we see our own flaws and this just makes things worse :(

I have to agree with you there buddy. However, there are also a number of external events that can cause damage to a persons self-confidence.

Yeah I think so...it does seem stupid that we're effectively punished for being perceptive, doesn't it? I had a therapist once (one of many, I'm a big ol' mess!) who said that delusion and illusion is sort of the ice that "normal" people skate along to keep going, and that the problem with depression is that you do actually see some things too clearly and get so hung up on them that you can't function. I can't remember how that was supposed to help me exactly, though...maybe it goes along with the 'positive affirmations' thing where if you tell yourself "I'm good and everything's fine" enough you start to believe it? But that just felt phony to me, and I can never decide if it's better to be happy and phony or sad and real.
hmm phony sounds about right to me. i think i'd rather be sad and real, to be honest. my depression isn't that bad (just one suicide attempt :) ), but i've have had it for years and have kinda learned to live with it. thus its not that i can't function, i just cant function... well ;)
one of my favourite lyrics is from Deftones' song, Elite (i think): "You're into depression, because it matches your eyes. Stop parading your ankles (random line as far as i can tell); confused, you know where you lie."
happy and phony just sounds like a stupid fantasy way of going through life.

Music for the soul. Listening to this lifts my spirit. It also refers to my lifes philosophy.

http://void.digibase.ca/SA2/Theme%20-%20It%20Doesn't%20Matter.mp3
when i get bad i listen to Metallica's Fade To Black...

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filing me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now He's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its to late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

hmm phony sounds about right to me. i think i'd rather be sad and real, to be honest. my depression isn't that bad (just one suicide attempt :) ), but i've have had it for years and have kinda learned to live with it. thus its not that i can't function, i just cant function... well ;)
one of my favourite lyrics is from Deftones' song, Elite (i think): "You're into depression, because it matches your eyes. Stop parading your ankles (random line as far as i can tell); confused, you know where you lie."
happy and phony just sounds like a stupid fantasy way of going through life.


when i get bad i listen to Metallica's Fade To Black...
My first advice is stop listening to that depressing shit, its only going to feed the downward spiral.

maybe confidence and the ego are what keeps us from seeing the truth about ourselves; from seeing our own flaws? i know plenty of overconfident people and none of them see their own flaws/problems (often arrogance ;) ) because they are confident enough in themselves to not care. we see our own flaws and this just makes things worse :(
Maybe so but I would rather be confident, arrogant and flawed as apposed to being depresseed and flawed

basically im saying everyone has their flaws, everyone knows that, whats the point of being depressed about it?

atleast the confident people are enjoing themselves

when i get bad i listen to Metallica's Fade To Black...

Happy music beats the depression easier than that crappy downer music. Turn that shit off before you are sucked into oblivion and listen to some Sonic Adventure. Celebrate life with happy music.

My first advice is stop listening to that depressing shit, its only going to feed the downward spiral.
ah you see, i listen to it after getting in a 'mood'. it helps me clarify my thoughts and, possibly, move on & forget about it. my simple way of avoiding a spell of depression (can anybody else tell when you're going to slip into one? i can...kinda weird.)

edit:
Happy music beats the depression easier than that crappy downer music. Turn that shit off before you are sucked into oblivion and listen to some Sonic Adventure. Celebrate life with happy music.
oh i do listen to happy music too - in fact most of the time. i just switch accross to sad stuff when i need to.

My first advice is stop listening to that depressing shit, its only going to feed the downward spiral.

I disagree, depressing music can often help you get over it by giving you something to relate to and make you feel like you're not alone. It works for me.

I disagree, depressing music can often help you get over it by giving you something to relate to and make you feel like you're not alone. It works for me.
quite. http://assets.jolt.co.uk/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif

reading some other threads today, it seems others set long-term goals and short-term plans & projects. personally i never know what to aim for as there is so much i could possibly do, but so much in the way - and i'd probably screw up somewhere anyway. i'd rather not have a life-goal at all than have one and fail to achieve it.

reading some other threads today, it seems others set long-term goals and short-term plans & projects. personally i never know what to aim for as there is so much i could possibly do, but so much in the way - and i'd probably screw up somewhere anyway. i'd rather not have a life-goal at all than have one and fail to achieve it.

I'm a little different. I can't think of any long term goals or life ambitions. Everything i've ever accomplished has been on a whim, and it'll probably stay that way until i'm a lot older, at least.

I don't know about anyone else, but all my low self-esteem/shyness seems to disappear on the web. Pretty cool, as it means I can talk to anyone without being embarrased. Score one for me. :)

I dont suffer too often or too badly these days.

I do find that excessive reading of dark books and/or listenin to dark music will really bring me down. So I don't do that anymore.

What helped me was working for someone who hated me and would bully me in various ways, including telling me how useless I was, but couldn't sack me cos she knew I'd sue her ass. To get through that (3 years) still sane, I realised that I was strong, and that I could do the job because she couldn't build a case that I couldn't.
So I decided to change, I decided to smile and be happy. I decided that the only one who could affect me was me and how I interpreted the things people said. Now I weigh whatever people say against whether I respect thier judgement.

Like I say Now I don't suffer too bad.

I'm a little different. I can't think of any long term goals or life ambitions. Everything i've ever accomplished has been on a whim, and it'll probably stay that way until i'm a lot older, at least.
ah yeah... well i mean there are so many things one could do - basically pick any profession out of all of them in the world - but none that i can either see myself doing or would want to do. thus while i can think of em i cant pick any, or at least no realistic ones.
i'd like to write a novel, for eg, but its a stupid goal. everybody writes novels and those that are actually published are many times better than mine. that, plus you can only make a living out of writing if you can keep churning out the books/whatever, which i'm sure i'm not capable of.
i can, and do, do that with every other potential life ambition i can think of :headbang:

I don't know about anyone else, but all my low self-esteem/shyness seems to disappear on the web. Pretty cool, as it means I can talk to anyone without being embarrased. Score one for me. :)
definatley. on the net i've got time to consider my response - not just nervously blurt out whatever's in my head at that second, like in RL :(
thats why the net rocks!

definatley. on the net i've got time to consider my response - not just nervously blurt out whatever's in my head at that second, like in RL :(
thats why the net rocks!
Also, it's easier to debate and not make a complete ass of yourself in front of lots of people. Basically the same reason as you i.e. I have time to think out arguments and have the ability to be slightly articulate, rather than making incoherent non-sensical arguments.

I know how the whole low self-esteem story goes, issues with shyness and depression blahblahblah
I've been getting better about it but I still blush way too easily around guys and lose my ability to speak.
Hooray for poor self-images :D
But yeah, mostly all this self esteem crap is in your own head, you're not as bad as you think ;)

I know how the whole low self-esteem story goes, issues with shyness and depression blahblahblah
I've been getting better about it but I still blush way too easily around guys and lose my ability to speak.
Hooray for poor self-images :D
But yeah, mostly all this self esteem crap is in your own head, you're not as bad as you think ;)

may i ask how you improved your self esteem?

*EDIT*
and not bad, for a first post. as if i were the judge of that.

Self-esteem? What's that?

Yes, I know that I am rather intelligent, yet I evade most challenges, as I think I'm not up to them, anyway. I seriously screwed up University because of it, sometimes I'm even to down to play a game of Warhammer 40K against a friend...

Having a tendency towards getting panic attacks in new situations and locations doesn't really help either, although that has gotten better, at least I can go clubbing every now and then, and maybe I am after all again able to go and work some place without freaking out, maybe I'll even manage to study writing, I probably could, but then again, the school will most probably turn my application down, so why even try?

Even my boyfriend wants some "distance" and "can't lead that kind of relationship right now". So now I'm not even sexy anymore... great.

Or is it just that I'm a lazy, dumb bitch? Sometimes I think so.

Fran

may i ask how you improved your self esteem?

*EDIT*
and not bad, for a first post. as if i were the judge of that.

Haha thanks

I've gotten better due to a different look on life I guess. It's all just seemed silly to worry about myself when I really can't do anything about it, I laugh things off instead of getting angry, and most importantly I talk to people when I am upset or feeling down. Seriously, the thing that makes me feel better is just talking to someone, anyone that can make me laugh, even if I don't know them. Laughing makes the world go round in my opinion.
Also I've been working on focusing on my good qualities rather than my poor ones. Think positive and you'll start thinking positively about yourself.

I've gotten better due to a different look on life I guess. It's all just seemed silly to worry about myself when I really can't do anything about it, I laugh things off instead of getting angry, and most importantly I talk to people when I am upset or feeling down. Seriously, the thing that makes me feel better is just talking to someone, anyone that can make me laugh, even if I don't know them. Laughing makes the world go round in my opinion.
Also I've been working on focusing on my good qualities rather than my poor ones. Think positive and you'll start thinking positively about yourself.

eh, i should listen to this advice, as i do the exact opposite of all that execpt the getting angry thing. i have this horrible paranoia of talking to people in general (in real life, obviously) and i am one of those repetitive, annoying "ohh, i have no good qualities" melodramatic people. this all is good advice, its just a matter of actually motavating myself enough to practice it.

it is good to hear that you have found something good to follow, dispite the fact i dont know you.

this spills over to my (non-existant) love life. i've actually never had a g/f (hows that for honesty, "do you lie on this forum" thread? :D ) because i've never had much confidence and the girls always went for the confident (asshole) type.

rant over. (sorry)

[Emphasis added]

This may be a source of your problem. There is a vast difference between being "confident" and being an "asshole." Confidence is based upon knowing who you are and what you are capable of, and is built over time from a number of small successes. Being an "asshole" as it relates to "confidence" is being either over-confident, over-compensating, or over-bearing.

:D I'm rather happy today because I found the Skies of Arcadia music I have been searching so long for! YAY! :D

This is how I should feel all the time... But oh well-enjoy it while it lasts! Yip dee doo da! :D :D :D

Look around yourself. The world is filled with people who suck. Even the people you think are cool, they suck. The man suck, it is genetic. He fucks up everything he touches. You just have to accept it and realize you're not the only one to fuck up.
The people who expressed how much they sucked here are not special. It is not just the internet, it is life.
I can't tell my right from my left, I always look for my keys that I put inside the fridge half a minute ago while picking a pizza. Girls always laugh when I say I wand to go out when her. I always end up fucking up important data when my boss ask me to do something. But hey, my boss fucks up at least as much as I do, I laugh at girls all the time and people loose their keys all the time.
Just accept what you are and never mind what other people think, they only think about themselves anyway. You can live your all life fucking up everything, it is possible, many people do that all the time.

Look around yourself. The world is filled with people who suck. Even the people you think are cool, they suck. The man suck, it is genetic. He fucks up everything he touches. You just have to accept it and realize you're not the only one to fuck up.
The people who expressed how much they sucked here are not special. It is not just the internet, it is life.
I can't tell my right from my left, I always look for my keys that I put inside the fridge half a minute ago while picking a pizza. Girls always laugh when I say I wand to go out when her. I always end up fucking up important data when my boss ask me to do something. But hey, my boss fucks up at least as much as I do, I laugh at girls all the time and people loose their keys all the time.
Just accept what you are and never mind what other people think, they only think about themselves anyway. You can live your all life fucking up everything, it is possible, many people do that all the time.

Put another way, everyone puts on their pants one leg at a time. :)

*raises hand*

Yes, I think I fall into this category. I have pretty low self esteem, to be honest. I'm ok with my friends, or people I don't particularly care about...but with girls I like, it's a different story.

Having said that, I don't get depressed. Firstly, because the rational part of my brain takes over and informs the rest of me that I'm being an arse. Secondly, because somehow I can pull off "intelligent" things. I figure that this run of luck will last me long enough for me to become rich and successful, and laugh at those people who currently ignore me. Which pleases me.

[Some of the above post could be construed as me "putting myself down". It's your choice as to which.]

On a side note, it's interesting how misery loves company here.

[Emphasis added]

This may be a source of your problem. There is a vast difference between being "confident" and being an "asshole." Confidence is based upon knowing who you are and what you are capable of, and is built over time from a number of small successes. Being an "asshole" as it relates to "confidence" is being either over-confident, over-compensating, or over-bearing.
well its the overconfident "asshole" type who seem to get the chicks, from my experience. i know the different between confidence and over-confidence, and, unfortunatley, i know under-confidence too - i "know who i am and what i am capable of" and don't think it amounts to much.


edit: with so many people claiming to be 'depressed', i wonder if there is some kind of problem in society? why are so many people unhappy?

well its the overconfident "asshole" type who seem to get the chicks, from my experience. i know the different between confidence and over-confidence, and, unfortunatley, i know under-confidence too - i "know who i am and what i am capable of" and don't think it amounts to much.

I know what you mean. I look around me and I see townies with all the hot chicks. And then they take the piss out of me. This morning I pinned one against the wall after he took the piss out of my clothing. I then proceeded to rip his clothes to bits in front of his mates. It made me feel better, and his girlfriend was shocked. Luckily no-one of the law saw me, and some old ladies gave me a happy look as I walked off.

Fucking townies. They should all be shot.

anybody here suffer from low self-esteem or a crisis in self-confidence?

Newp ... I love absolutely everything about me ... unconditionally. If it wasn't for me, I don't know where I'd be. I've always been there for me and I've never had a bad word to say about me.

I rock.

well its the overconfident "asshole" type who seem to get the chicks, from my experience. i know the different between confidence and over-confidence, and, unfortunatley, i know under-confidence too - i "know who i am and what i am capable of" and don't think it amounts to much.
Those kind of chicks you can get them for 50 bucks, and it is probably cheaper that what the guy you're talking about have to pay everyday. You can have the same if you want. Just go to your local brothel.

Danger Will Robinson.. its a soap box!

first 25 years of my life? depressed, low self-esteem, all the things I see you all writing about here. But not any more. :D How did I do it?

Well I tried a lot of things. Tried drugs, recreational and prescribed, but I am fortunate that it wasn't a problem with my internal chemicals being unbalanced (definitely something to check against) Once I realized I didn't want an external crutch to lean on to solve my problems I had to look in other directions...

Now... This is just what worked for me... I hope strongly that it will help you...

It really came down to three things to be happier:
1) Thinking long term instead of short
2) Pretending (yes... PRETENDING) to be happy.
3) Patience

Ok, that second one sounds odd, but simply coupling it with the other two I swung around to forgetting about trying to be (or pretending to be) happy and just became that way. It became second nature. It sounds simple but you have to be patient enough to work on it for months!

But about thinking long term. When I was depressed, I could only focus on what would make me happy right now and that was usually tactile quick fix solutions but they wouldn't make me happy LONG term. I had to get it into my head that I had to take action for long term happiness AND have the patience to see it through.

Depressed people don't have patience.

And that’s not to say I didn’t look for and find short term happiness either. But I didn’t want to fall into the trap that eating an ice cream cone will make me happier for any longer than while I was eating it… I started to look for other things that can make me happy that aren’t so tangible… like a beautiful fall day or rain when I have an umbrella or a baby that is laughing….

And I don’t expect to be happy all the time, how realistic is that?? I look at life as a series of challenges… NOT problems. I may not be able to find the perfect solution, but I am confident that I am trying my best and learning about it on the way.

Challenges, not problems. It makes a difference.

And about the Girlfriend thing… Here is another odd thing I noticed.. and it came from watching “Average Joe” (that’s the odd part). Women are not so shallow as to only date good looking guys… Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett are living proof of this… so what is the chemistry there? I really don’t know about that one, but in my limited experience, there is a top five list of things women look for in a guy. I have even asked around to a wide range of women who are attractive/unattractive at many levels... this is my list:

1) Confidence
2) Humor (NOT the self-depreciating kind)
3) Compassion
4) (well damn, I forget what # 4 was now… I am married, it doesn’t matter any more)
5) Good looking

Unless she is just lookin to get some, but that is a topic for another forum. ;)

Two other bits about women: If you don’t ask, the answer is a definitive no (actually, that applies to many things) and if it doesn’t work with one move on to the next, it is actually mind boggling how many women are out there… think of all the women you see on TV that you find attractive that you will never meet… they are all just a small group compared to what is out there… go out and do something where you meet new people!
….

Or you can just stay in your rut and be depressed. Some people, oddly enough, seem to like it there… or at least lack the gumption to work their way out of it… BTW I still get depressed occasionally, but that’s ok, I know it’s a short term thing.

Above all HAVE PATIENCE – being happy is something you have to work on it will take a few months.. or more.

Ah well, good luck.

-T

I went from confident shy person to shy no self esteem and depression to slightly neurotic self confidence... *laughs*

when I was in the midst of my no confidence in myself or the world time it sucked, I rarely went out, started developing agoraphobia... did not think i could do anything right...

But after a while I just got sick and tired of it, tired of not saying anything or feeling i had nothing intelligent to say... knowing better.... one day I just said to myself " screw this I am worth more then skulking about in shadows'" And i started talking back, I didnt just take crap anymore, I didn't just let things roll off me i didn't let myself tear me down anymore... and now I am unstoppable in this regard, and it took a while... a good year before i was really comfortable doing it... but each small step was worth it...

Low self-confidence doesn't mean you can't do things.
Heck, wtf am I doing half-way across the world...when I find it difficult just writing an email to my contact so I can request money to cover book costs.
I had trouble with 'rs' and 'th's as a kid, hardly spoke yet I got speech lessons and was soon reciting and performing. Recently I've even been debating...thinking on your feet and speaking to an audience without a character cover...all the time quaking inside and my hands visibly shaking. I seem to enjoy giving myself pain...but it's worth it afterwards....I think.
Life is about wearing masks...one of my friends once asked me if she could call me 'smilie' and I guess I do walk around smiling a lot...or I did, but I've described it as 'optimistically pessimistic' - a bit like enjoying bad things...tho not quite. I don't know how many different people I must appear to be...which is usually what makes me depressed...that and trying to help people with suicidal tendencies.
Guys think about it, at least you're not women with monthly hormonal changes, if I start off on the wrong emotion I can get depressed...like this weekend I had stress, pain, shock, exhaustion, and a couple of guys talking to me about unrequited love/ suicide / cutting...no wonder I felt depressed, and I couldn't release the emotion...not even cry...until I was beating the hell out of things in Self Defense.
Oh and no bf yet. I seem to get classed as a confidante or 'sister' figure, which is even more disheartening....

I don't know about anyone else, but all my low self-esteem/shyness seems to disappear on the web. Pretty cool, as it means I can talk to anyone without being embarrased. Score one for me. :)

Oh God yeah I'm so much cooler in writing than I am in person! No excessive nervous loudness, irritating laugh and overuse of the word "like" for starters (a habit of which I seem incapable of breaking myself.) I'm fairly articulate in writing but ask me to talk and I'm just a ditzy blonde. :p

This may be a source of your problem. There is a vast difference between being "confident" and being an "asshole." Confidence is based upon knowing who you are and what you are capable of, and is built over time from a number of small successes. Being an "asshole" as it relates to "confidence" is being either over-confident, over-compensating, or over-bearing.

I think this is definitely a problem for me. I have difficulty accepting criticism because I am too thin-skinned and oversensitive, but I also have difficulty accepting compliments or feeling good about myself - it feels 'wrong' and 'stuck up' and prideful to acknowledge that I've done something well or that I'm a good person, for some reason. Some of it probably goes back to one stupid incident in elementary school when we got our report cards...I had gotten an A in math when I thought I was getting a B. Pleasantly surprised, I turned to my friend and said, "I got an A in math!" Another girl (who was really awful to me whenever she could be) overheard and said, "Just brag about it a little more!" Since I was a) actually surprised by the grade, b) not speaking to her and c) not meaning it in a boastful or arrogant way at all, the girl's comment hurt a lot (there's that oversensitive thing again) and what I took from it was, "Never say, think or feel anything good about yourself, because that is stuck-up."

There's also still a bit of a stigma for confident women, I think; I've been to assertiveness classes because I'm ridiculously passive (we did a quiz and the course facilitator said I had the highest passivity score she'd ever seen) but one of the big things that was noted was that almost all the women on the course, ranging in age from mid-20s through to almost 60, were often afraid to be assertive because they didn't want to be seen as "bitches."

Plus I'm a perfectionist, so there is no "good enough" for me - anything less than perfection is failure, so obviously I "fail" a lot.

How many therapists would it take to fix me, I wonder? :p

Oh yeah well ive grown the ability to stutter and most of the things i say is incohernt bablling,muttering or i trail off at the e............................

i have insanely low self confidence, about anything and everything. i am also to shy* to bring it up, and to stubborn to ask for help. that and i hate people who always fish for compliments, so i avoid doing that. im too lazy and have to low self confidence to help myself, which sounds stupid in itself. theres more, actually, i just dont feel like posting it.

*i dont mean shy in the conventinal sense, i mean "i freeze up and cant talk to people on my buddylist" shy. ah well.
Im hearing you

anybody here suffer from low self-esteem or a crisis in self-confidence? any ideas why this happened, or things you've done to overcome it?

Hmmm, what is self esteem? Is it that part of your soul that one's ex-(fill in) rips out of you? Mine did that nearly 12 years ago (divorce). I haven't been in a serious relationship since.

I developed a healthy dose of cynicism toward women that keeps me from becoming involved in a relationship. You know the kind: Why should get into a relationship again she'll just leave me and take everything? What? You don't want because I don't make $500,000 a year and I don't drive a Mercedes? Wait, wait, you don't want to go out with me because I don't have an Adonis' physique?

Ahhhhhhhh...the Paxil just kicked in, I'm better now....

I used to stutter when I was little, but I stopped it by simply talking a bit slower and clearer. Sometimes, people get a bit confused in conversations with me anyway, because I often change the subject every couple of sentences.

Have any of you ever felt like your skull is made of lead, as in like you're weighed down with it, and it's slowly dragging you down?

"I like having low self-esteem...it makes me feel special." - Jane Lane

To answer the question, yes, I do. I still have the problem although it's somewhat relieved by the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication that I take...so evidently my problem is at least somewhat chemical. (Incidentally my mother is bipolar, and bipolarity is genetic, so I could be bipolar as well, although I haven't been diagnosed as such.)

Also, what helped as becoming an adult, as most of my problems were caused by not being one. But that's probably just me.

Have any of you ever felt like your skull is made of lead, as in like you're weighed down with it, and it's slowly dragging you down?
Not exactly. I have more of a...I dunno, the only way I can describe it is a sort of hollow feeling in my chest that feels like it pushes everything away from it.

I disagree, depressing music can often help you get over it by giving you something to relate to and make you feel like you're not alone. It works for me.I agree. Depressing music is uplifting, uplifting music is depressing.

the whole low self-esteem thing has been a bit of a struggle for me, up until i was about 17 i was horribly shy, made worse by the fact that i lost contact with my best friend who had moved away.
the couple of years after that were fairly awful - the only thing i can say is to do the thing that you want to, even though it scares the living crap out of you.
you feel better about yoursaelf even if you don't get what you want or the end result is not what you expected.

I read most of the posts made. I must say that I think music can affect your mind. I listen to uplifting trance, and for some reason it boosts my mood.
It also could be affected by who you put yourself around. If you are hanging around with people who are depressed too, that can't be healthy for you. I hang around with people who arent depressed, so I dont have this problem.

I spose some forms of depression just can't be helped really, but theres not much that can be done about it. :D

You know, I think that a lot of the people hear actually suffer from moderate to extreme Social Anxiety Disorder(aka Social Phobia). I actually have a moderate case of it and basically it's hard for me to talk to people I don't know, do public speaking, go to social events (ie. parties, etc).
http://www.socialphobia.org/ <--------- Good place to start looking at

Well there is one cure I know for low self-esteem... Misanthropy!

Just look around and see how many assholes, idiots, loudmouths and other various assorted unpleasant retards there are around. And thats not even mentioning folks like terrorists and criminals! Your bound to look great in comparison to them. And it will show you just how much better then them you are. ;)

Also, if you just can't go that way... Try it the other way around! Philanthropy! You find everyone so impressive? Don't envy them for it. Love them for it! Be a total sycophant to everyone if you must. Sure, some will hate you for it. But most people have ego's in dire need of blatant stroking, so as long as you aren't blatantly insincere they'll love you. And you can love yourself for being sucha beloved and loving individual.

Either way, you won't get there with a mixture of hate and envy... Either you think they are great, or you despise them. Thats the road to self-confidense. Middle ground won't get you anywhere.

And as for a lovelife. Keep looking around and see whats up. Give whatever feels promising a chance, and if it doesn't work out, just move on. Either it'll happen or it won't. But if it won't, you'll stop missing it eventually and when you do, it usually shows up after all, amusingly enough. I am sure there is a scientific law for that, which hasn't been discovered yet.

Cure for low self esteem? Hmm.. My cure is to take some form of martial arts. At least you have a little belief in yourself you are something. That you can do something. Even if it's some confidence to kick a bums arse if he starts a fight with you on the street demanding more booze money.

Either than that, I guess it's just a matter of shrugging off whatever people say about you that your 'no good' and believe in yourself and work towards being 'better'.

It's tough and hard I know. I'm struggling everyday.. But hey, instead of continuing putting your head down in shame, time to stand up and do something about it I guess. :p

Low self esteem? My last girlfriend became a lesbian after dating me. She broke up with me saying: "Thank you for helping me realize I don't like men." Ouch. Just try to remember that life goes on, and that in a year or two, no one will even have the slightest recollection of what you did, unless it was really great.

Low self esteem? My last girlfriend became a lesbian after dating me. She broke up with me saying: "Thank you for helping me realize I don't like men." Ouch.

In that situation, you should have said "Thanks for helping me realise that neither do I. Dyke."

(Nothing derogatory intended towards lesbians, but it sounds like she certainly deserved it.)

;)

Sounds kind of like me.
I'll post this here to.
After reading this thread I have a question for girls here and guys if they want.

I have been courting this girl for a good time now and we are good friends and all that but I REALLY like her, like most girls she goes for those "bad guys" or rather guys that have one thing on their mind, you know.
I guess I am one of those "good guys", respect women and all that.
I can't count the times I have had to listen to the life storys of my friends and see them cry etc. and thees are "bad guys" and they tell me stuff you would not belive because they trust me and they know they can.
So I am allways the trusted friend.
I cant dance and that has hurt me often when with a girl at a bar or something like that and I am not a big joker or fighter so my question is what the hell do guys like me have to do to get the girl they like?

I disagree, depressing music can often help you get over it by giving you something to relate to and make you feel like you're not alone. It works for me.
*shrugs* each to their own I guess, I find optimistic makes me feel optimistic and depressing music makes me depressed. I find it depressing to think that others think the same as I do when im down, if you take comfort in knowing your not alone I guess thats good too :)

I used to change my mood quickly. Now, with greater maturity than before, I look for the balance

I used to stutter when I was little, but I stopped it by simply talking a bit slower and clearer. Sometimes, people get a bit confused in conversations with me anyway, because I often change the subject every couple of sentences.

Have any of you ever felt like your skull is made of lead, as in like you're weighed down with it, and it's slowly dragging you down?
actually, yes. and, no - i also get this amazing feeling of light-headedness that can last for hours. i seem to drift through everything i do when i get it - once, back in school, i spent 6 minutes staring into my locker without realising it (thought i just took a glance in) cos of that lightheaded feeling (checked on the clock). really weird - everyone was there one second and gone the next as far as i was concerned :confused:

i don't stutter (well, a bit, yeah), i mumble and murmur quite a lot. i also have quite a deep voice, so when i mumble it really does come out incomprahensible. similarly, i'll start speaking a sentence, start thinking ahead to what i'm going to say next (next word, sentence, or idea...) and as a result forget what i'm saying, often halfway through a word, and splice in whatever it was i was thinking about - jamming two words together in effect. this then causes an abrupt end to my sentence and just sounds odd. i think it was called 'adnominal dysphasia' or something.

edit: this Social Anxiety Disorder (http://www.socialphobia.org/whatis.html#whatis1) stuff is amazing... i didn't know there was a disorder for this sort of thing! (thanks Fischer Land :) )
i *hate* ringing people on the phone - i get so anxious that i just want to run away, especially when calling people i don't know, i just can't do it (often forced to tho :( ). i only call people i do know by gritting my teeth and just getting on with it - after rehearsing what i'm going to say in my head a few times, and considering responces to their potential questions.
and on the street, i do feel like people are looking at me; when i walk past people who are laughing, i always feel like they are laughing at me - even though i know they're not - so i just keep my head down and ignore everything till i get to my destination.

A student won't attend her university classes on the first day because she knows that in some classes the professor will instruct them to go around the room and introduce themselves. Just thinking about sitting there, waiting to introduce herself to a roomful of strangers who will be staring at her makes her feel nauseous. She knows she won't be able to think clearly because her anxiety will be so high, and she is sure she will leave out important details. Her voice might even quiver and she will sound scared and tentative. The anxiety is just too much to bear---so she skips the first day of class to avoid the possibility of having to introduce herself in class.
i actually did that :(
Another young man wants to go to parties and other social events---indeed, he is very, very lonely---but he never goes anywhere because he's very nervous about meeting new people. Too many people will be there and crowds only make things worse for him. The thought of meeting new people scares him---will he know what to say? Will they stare at him and make him feel even more insignificant? Will they reject him outright? Even if they seem nice, they're sure to notice his frozen look and his inability to fully smile. They'll sense his discomfort and tenseness and they won't like him --- there's just no way to win --- "I'm always going to be an outcast," he predicts. And he spends the night alone, at home, watching television again. He feels comfortable at home. In fact, home is the only place he does feel completely comfortable. He hasn't gone anywhere else in twelve years.
maybe not 12 years for me (try 2 months of not going 'out' - ie pub, club, whatever - only been out to town once but that's mostly because i'm broke :( )
everyone here should check out this (http://www.socialphobia.org/) website.

... I cant dance and that has hurt me often when with a girl at a bar or something like that and I am not a big joker or fighter so my question is what the hell do guys like me have to do to get the girl they like?

first, be direct and ask the other person out. If you dont' ask, the answer is definitely no. Choose your words carefully and politely and the other person will take your offer as a compliment and politely decline. Don't worry about the rejection, I assure you, there are millions of people out there who don't want to date you, in the same thread there are a few really cool ones that haven't been asked yet.

Second, if you get turned down or even if you just know it wouldn't work, move to the next, this doesn't mean you can't be friends with the last, just keep your eye on your goal. ;)

If you linger with one and try to get it to work too long, you may be missing an opportunity with another.

Thats my thoughts...

-T