NationStates Jolt Archive

Or shiness, though that's not as common. But the question is whether you consider yourself to be a shy person.

And, just to make it a little more interesting, for myself if no-one else, what methods do you use to overcome shyness? Especially with, say, asking someone out?

I'm sort of shy.

Just ask him/her. It's better to know.

Honestly, I imagine I'm some cool anime type person. ^^; Gives me enough courage and it is easier to talk that way.

I am an incredibly shy person, and I can't function in groups or crowds of more than one person. The only solution I have found is distance, or familiarity with the group (the latter is rare, however.)

As for overcoming shyness, at this moment in time, there has never been a time, unless someone has come up to me. (hasn't happened.)

Honestly, I imagine I'm some cool anime type person. ^^; Gives me enough courage and it is easier to talk that way.
Has it ever worked? 8)

Yeah. Surprisingly, I don't come across as a geek when introducing myself in life.

Or shiness, though that's not as common. But the question is whether you consider yourself to be a shy person.

And, just to make it a little more interesting, for myself if no-one else, what methods do you use to overcome shyness? Especially with, say, asking someone out?
I take it you coudn't do it again.
I don't really consider myself shy, but others do, so I marked not sure
I guess I don't care about most others emotions, so I come across as shy, but I never feel anxious around people I dont' know, just large groups, but then again, who isn't in front of large groups

I am an incredibly shy person, and I can't function in groups or crowds of more than one person. The only solution I have found is distance, or familiarity with the group (the latter is rare, however.)

As for overcoming shyness, at this moment in time, there has never been a time, unless someone has come up to me. (hasn't happened.)
are you shy online too?

I'm definitely shy. I have almost no RL friends. The way I overcome my shyness is . . .wait for it. . .NS!

are you shy online too?

on msn or a messenger, yes, completely. Unless I know the person, and have talked to them several times, I won't speak to them first.

On a forum, less so, but I still have an internal debate every time I go to make a post.

I take it you coudn't do it again.
I don't really consider myself shy, but others do, so I marked not sure
I guess I don't care about most others emotions, so I come across as shy, but I never feel anxious around people I dont' know, just large groups, but then again, who isn't in front of large groups
I don't have a problem with large groups. I have a problem with medium sized groups. Unless I'm in a highly structured environment, having to focus on more than maybe 4 people is a problem for me. The problem comes when the group is small enough that nobody really needs to be a leader.

Or shiness, though that's not as common. But the question is whether you consider yourself to be a shy person.

And, just to make it a little more interesting, for myself if no-one else, what methods do you use to overcome shyness? Especially with, say, asking someone out?

As I've been at pains to point out on here many times, it's like Babe Ruth, who for many years held the title as "Homerun King." Lots of people don't realize that he also held the title as "Stikeout King." The Babe knew one important fact ... you can't hit home runs if you don't even swing.

Get up there and swing! If you strike out, shake it off then get up there and swing again with a slightly different stance or some other variant. Eventually you'll "get it." :)

I'm shy, but only around people i don't know. Once i get to know someone, i'm pretty outgoing. My shyness is not nearly as bad as it was when i was a kid. Back then if someone i didn't know even asked me a question, i wouldn't respond at all. Now, i won't be the first one to strike up a conversation with someone i don't know, but if they talk to me first, i have no problem reciprocating.

I don't have a problem with large groups. I have a problem with medium sized groups. Unless I'm in a highly structured environment, having to focus on more than maybe 4 people is a problem for me.

So focus on them one at a time.

If you're giving a public speech, focus on one up front, then one in the back, then one in the middle. Keep shifting your focus as you continue your speech. Practice your timing so that your gaze shifts to a different person each time you want to emphasize something or when you start a new portion of your presentation.

If you're in a group but not making a presentation, focus on the person who is speaking at any given time, then shift your attention as the conversation flows.

I'm shy, but only around people i don't know. Once i get to know someone, i'm pretty outgoing. My shyness is not nearly as bad as it was when i was a kid. Back then if someone i didn't know even asked me a question, i wouldn't respond at all. Now, i won't be the first one to strike up a conversation with someone i don't know, but if they talk to me first, i have no problem reciprocating.

Practice walking up to someone who looks interesting, look them in the eye as you smile, and say "Hi! My name is _____, and I'm shy as hell! I'm hoping you can help me get over it." :D

I used to be shy. It actually made my life rather hell for a while. Then I overcompensated and became arrogant and overbearing. I am trying to get back to a sensible middle path, and I think I am succeeding. It has been quite a ride so far.

I never had a problem with being shy. I just don't understand it. I am very comfortable with talking to people I don't know, what else am I supossed to do? Stand there by myself? I'd much rather make a new aquantaince. I have been called shy in the past, but only because I am extremly tired and it's an effort to stand. People are just other well people! If you come across someone that is a biatch, bad luck. Move on to the next person

So focus on them one at a time.

If you're giving a public speech, focus on one up front, then one in the back, then one in the middle. Keep shifting your focus as you continue your speech. Practice your timing so that your gaze shifts to a different person each time you want to emphasize something or when you start a new portion of your presentation.

If you're in a group but not making a presentation, focus on the person who is speaking at any given time, then shift your attention as the conversation flows.
I don't have a problem with public speaking. 5 years of teaching 6-10 year-olds how to use knives and start fires (not to mention the occasional gun) will rid you of all fears about things that could go wrong. After that, it's just a matter of confidence, and I have plenty of that.

As I've been at pains to point out on here many times, it's like Babe Ruth, who for many years held the title as "Homerun King." Lots of people don't realize that he also held the title as "Stikeout King." The Babe knew one important fact ... you can't hit home runs if you don't even swing.

Get up there and swing! If you strike out, shake it off then get up there and swing again with a slightly different stance or some other variant. Eventually you'll "get it." :)

Ooooh, cynicism initiated :p

Every ball is the same, but every person is different. When Babe Ruth struck out once, he wasn't left with a bunch of balls left to choose from that he didn't like, nor was any one ball specially favoured over the rest.

It's easy to say 'just ask them out, and if they say no, ask someone else out', until you take into consideration the fact that people tend to only like a few people (often even just one). Unless your advice is to lower ones standards or to have none at all.
-----

Anyway, yes. Shy. To a ridiculous degree. In real life I tend to huddle up and not make any sort of eye contact, and online I tend to spend a whole bunch of time '*hiding*'. Normally it's only with people I like though. And I can get over it by talking to them around other people.

I am not shy at all, actualy I'm probably the most in your face person I know. My advice for gettin over it is just goin out and takin risks. Every one messes up, every one looks like an ass from time to time, it happens. Once you stop worryin about what they are gonna think or worryin about trippin over yourself or whatever it won't be as big an issue.

I am incredibly shy when in my usual state. I have very few friends, and I hate crowds and going out in public.

Of course, when I'm manic, it's a different story. I basically turn into what would usually be myself after a dose of amphetamines. Too much energy, talk way too fucking much to anybody anywhere around, and all that wonderful stuff.

So I marked "kind of".

How do I overcome my shyness?
I don't. The only hing that ever did anything to it was drugs, and I'm right off those.

So basically, I stay in my house 5 days a week and mope.
Whoo for people who can't function in society!

One of my friends is a very Shai person ;)

I am an incredibly shy person, and I can't function in groups or crowds of more than one person. The only solution I have found is distance, or familiarity with the group (the latter is rare, however.)
Sounds like demophobia to me, fear of crowds, which I have had on occasion. Sometimes when there are a lot of people around me, I get panicky and feel like an animal trapped in a corner. Doesn't happen often, but does indeed happen.

However, with public speaking and such, I feel no anxiety. I don't know what that feels like.

I take it you coudn't do it again.
I tried! I really did! I even opened my mouth to talk...

Get up there and swing! If you strike out, shake it off then get up there and swing again with a slightly different stance or some other variant. Eventually you'll "get it." :)
But I'm afraid to swing! It's compeltely irrational, but I just can't force myself to do it...it really is pathetic...

Ooooh, cynicism initiated :p

Every ball is the same, but every person is different. When Babe Ruth struck out once, he wasn't left with a bunch of balls left to choose from that he didn't like, nor was any one ball specially favoured over the rest.

It's easy to say 'just ask them out, and if they say no, ask someone else out', until you take into consideration the fact that people tend to only like a few people (often even just one). Unless your advice is to lower ones standards or to have none at all.
-----

Anyway, yes. Shy. To a ridiculous degree. In real life I tend to huddle up and not make any sort of eye contact, and online I tend to spend a whole bunch of time '*hiding*'. Normally it's only with people I like though. And I can get over it by talking to them around other people.

Not knowing what your "criteria" are, I would never suggest that you lower your standards. However, there are a great many men your age in your Country and it might be wise of you to extend your "reach" to meet more who measure up to your standards. Yes? :)

lol...i actually like being by myself a lot, i don't usually feel the need to go up to someone and say hi. I have lots of friends though, so it's not like i have problems meeting people and getting to know them. I have taken the bus to New York twice, a four day trip, and each time i made friends along the way. They usually just started with small talk, either asking someone to watch my bag while i went to the bathroom, or someone asking where i was going, or asking me the time. I have occasionally contributed to conversations people were having, or been in situations where we all saw or heard something funny and made comments and got to know eachother that way. I'm not actually that bad, it's personal choice as much as shyness really.

im not shy but i am an introvert

so while i have not problem talking to people, even strangers, speaking to groups, whatever, when im done, i have to take time to recover from it.

i had friends in town for one day, we had great fun but i was utterly exhausted after they left and had to go to bed at 8:30 i was so worn out from being social.

Ooooh, cynicism initiated :p

Every ball is the same, but every person is different. When Babe Ruth struck out once, he wasn't left with a bunch of balls left to choose from that he didn't like, nor was any one ball specially favoured over the rest.

It's easy to say 'just ask them out, and if they say no, ask someone else out', until you take into consideration the fact that people tend to only like a few people (often even just one). Unless your advice is to lower ones standards or to have none at all.
-----

Anyway, yes. Shy. To a ridiculous degree. In real life I tend to huddle up and not make any sort of eye contact, and online I tend to spend a whole bunch of time '*hiding*'. Normally it's only with people I like though. And I can get over it by talking to them around other people.
This is a huge difference between young and old. Older people tend to date to figure out who they like, and younger people tend to figure out who they like and then ask them out. You could call it "lowering your standards," but it's really not very different. Dating takes a lot of pressure off of the initial question, though.

I'm in between right now. Being out of school changes a lot of things.

I'm not at all shy by nature, but haven't had any social contacts in a bit more than 5 years now. That is to say, I interact with others at work and participate in group discussion at school (much like on NS), but haven't spoken to anyone in my 18-35 year age bracket socially in at least 5 years, other than here online.

I probably would've gone to social functions if I had gone to high school for more than a year, but I had a family business to help run, and opted to work full-time and share the load. Blood is thicker than water, always. ;)

im not shy but i am an introvert

so while i have not problem talking to people, even strangers, speaking to groups, whatever, when im done, i have to take time to recover from it.

i had friends in town for one day, we had great fun but i was utterly exhausted after they left and had to go to bed at 8:30 i was so worn out from being social.
Sounds to me like less introversion and more shyness that you just choose to overcome and ignore. Since I definitely know what it's like to be tired out by social situations, and I believe that is the shy part of me, perhaps complemented by the introvert.

But I'm afraid to swing! It's compeltely irrational, but I just can't force myself to do it...it really is pathetic...

No, it isn't "pathetic" at all! It's actually quite common. I was so painfully shy in high school that I would go out of my way to avoid talking to anyone I didn't know, especially girls. It wasn't until I had a couple of years of college under my belt and had lots of opportunity to observe those who weren't shy that I began to come out of my shell.

I will always maintain that if you're interesting, other people will want to talk to you. The way to make yourself interesting is to observe what it is that makes others interesting and adopt those behaviors with which you feel comfortable. The operant rule here is, "If others have done it, then so can I!"

There are lots of ways to make yourself interesting and when you know you're interesting, it can give you great confidence. I suggest building on what you already like, something which you think others might find interesting or intriguing.

im not shy but i am an introvert

so while i have not problem talking to people, even strangers, speaking to groups, whatever, when im done, i have to take time to recover from it.

i had friends in town for one day, we had great fun but i was utterly exhausted after they left and had to go to bed at 8:30 i was so worn out from being social.

That will change as you gain experience from being "social." It sounds as if you're putting lots more energy into it than you really need to. Try to relax just a bit more each time you're in a social situation.

BTW... there's nothing at all wrong with being a bit introverted, but it is wise to strike a balance ( as with most things in life ).

I am quite shy. Especially around females. In large crowds, I huddle up into a selected spot, and I stay there for the rest of the time, avoiding any contact as much as possible.

I guess I'm shy online too. If I'm IMing someone, and they say they're in a bad mood or very mad about something, I assume that it must be me or something I said, and I immediately stop being the one who initiates a conversation, even though they say it wasn't me that triggered their anger.

And no, I have ABSOLUTELY NO friends in RL. (The ones I had all moved away, if I remember correctly).

I suggest building on what you already like, something which you think others might find interesting or intriguing.
Doesn't work too well for me. I tend to, I believe, make people insecure because I am an extreme intellectual and know a helluva lot for my age. So I try to share any relevant information with people, since that's really what I'd want others to do. However, it tends to annoy people and make them feel, what I believe to be, insecure. By the by, four topics not suitable for casual talk are entomology, pathology, epidemiology, and etymology.

And for me, it's less getting friends, and more getting more involved with them.

Not knowing what your "criteria" are, I would never suggest that you lower your standards. However, there are a great many men your age in your Country and it might be wise of you to extend your "reach" to meet more who measure up to your standards. Yes? :)

Ehh, but I've already found two who seem to fit the critera perfectly...

And one of them got ruled out because I buggered it up while trying to talk to him >.<
It probably would have worked out if I'd not tried to get over my shyness... which is why I'm rather wary of the 'doesn't matter, there are always other people out there' advice.

I think it probably depends on what sort of shyness it is. If it's just general being-shy-around-everyone, the 'don't worry, there's always more people to talk to' advice works. But when it's shyness around specific people, it seems silly to say 'don't worry if you bugger up... even though you might never meet another person quite like them'.

And Australia is almost totally lacking in English accented evil overlords*, so I don't know how much luck I'll have meeting more of them >.>

*okok, so these aren't my ONLY criterea... but they're two of the easiest to spot.

This is a huge difference between young and old. Older people tend to date to figure out who they like, and younger people tend to figure out who they like and then ask them out. You could call it "lowering your standards," but it's really not very different. Dating takes a lot of pressure off of the initial question, though.

I'm in between right now. Being out of school changes a lot of things.

Oooo! Good point! I just now realized that I do a bit of both, but the confidence gained by doing either is the best of all! :)

What's really fun is to date someone when you're in the process of figuring out which one you like, be successful at it, then date someone who wouldn't have given you the time of day a few years prior ... and discover that the skills you gained in the first process make you so interesting that they say yes! :D

And Australia is almost totally lacking in English accented evil overlords*, so I don't know how much luck I'll have meeting more of them >.>
Huh, I'd never heard of anyone who goes for megalomaniacs...

Doesn't work too well for me. I tend to, I believe, make people insecure because I am an extreme intellectual and know a helluva lot for my age. So I try to share any relevant information with people, since that's really what I'd want others to do. However, it tends to annoy people and make them feel, what I believe to be, insecure. By the by, four topics not suitable for casual talk are entomology, pathology, epidemiology, and etymology.

And for me, it's less getting friends, and more getting more involved with them.


To add on, addiction, psychopathology, psychiatric medicinal practice, and religion seem to bore people out of their skulls.

Doesn't work too well for me. I tend to, I believe, make people insecure because I am an extreme intellectual and know a helluva lot for my age. So I try to share any relevant information with people, since that's really what I'd want others to do. However, it tends to annoy people and make them feel, what I believe to be, insecure. By the by, four topics not suitable for casual talk are entomology, pathology, epidemiology, and etymology.

And for me, it's less getting friends, and more getting more involved with them.

Man, you're meeting all the wrong people. Those topics would be great to talk about! If I.. um... knew anything about them >.>

I think the trick would be meeting people who already know a little about the topics you do. No one likes a conversation where their options are limited to nodding and saying 'boy, that's fascinating'. If you can find someone with the same interests, I'm sure you'd find conversations a lot less tricky :)

If you want to ask someone out on a date, but you're very shy, then I recommend the following:

Lie in bed, clear your mind of all other thoughts, and imagine a plausible situation in which you would ask that person out on a date. Imagine the different possible responses.
She accepts enthusiastically.
She smiles and says "Mmm.... Sure."
She smiles sympathetically and says "Sorry, I'm not interested."
She looks at you with a straight face and civilly says "No."
She looks at you in disgust.
She laughs and says "With you?"

Go over each of these several times in your head. Try to be as vivid as possible when imagining these scenarios ("vivid" without resporting to mind-altering substances). The idea here is to make yourself comfortable with teh various scenarios that can take place. You want to fantasize about being rejected so that it doesn't come as a serious blow to you if it happens. By the same token, you also want to fantasize about being accepted so that you don't suttter all over yourself in "Wow! Gee! Thanks!" if she accepts.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

Huh, I'd never heard of anyone who goes for megalomaniacs...

It's a fairly fine line. That's probably a big part of the problem. I've only met two so far who stay safely away from the 'jerk' side of the line.

Yes I'd consider myself shy. And currently the only way I know of getting over my shyness is slowly getting to know the person. Like with my friends I'm totaly not shy but with others I'm quiet and prefer to not be noticed most of the time. Sometimes though I can get the odd bit of courage to be able to ask some girl out but most of the time I can't form the words....

If you want to ask someone out on a date, but you're very shy, then I recommend the following:

Lie in bed, clear your mind of all other thoughts, and imagine a plausible situation in which you would ask that person out on a date. Imagine the different possible responses.
She accepts enthusiastically.
She smiles and says "Mmm.... Sure."
She smiles sympathetically and says "Sorry, I'm not interested."
She looks at you with a straight face and civilly says "No."
She looks at you in disgust.
She laughs and says "With you?"

Go over each of these several times in your head. Try to be as vivid as possible when imagining these scenarios ("vivid" without resporting to mind-altering substances). The idea here is to make yourself comfortable with teh various scenarios that can take place. You want to fantasize about being rejected so that it doesn't come as a serious blow to you if it happens. By the same token, you also want to fantasize about being accepted so that you don't suttter all over yourself in "Wow! Gee! Thanks!" if she accepts.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."
I have a tendency to do those sort of fantasies.

However...

They take place on very large scales, which involves me losing my temper and retaliating with nuclear weapons.

I am quite shy. Especially around females. In large crowds, I huddle up into a selected spot, and I stay there for the rest of the time, avoiding any contact as much as possible.

I guess I'm shy online too. If I'm IMing someone, and they say they're in a bad mood or very mad about something, I assume that it must be me or something I said, and I immediately stop being the one who initiates a conversation, even though they say it wasn't me that triggered their anger.

And no, I have ABSOLUTELY NO friends in RL. (The ones I had all moved away, if I remember correctly).

Sounds like you're just not a very emotionally-dependent person, which is nothing to be ashamed of or to consider disadvantageous. Some people need friends, and some don't. I don't need a sounding board to gauge my psychological situation and mental and social wellbeing, and it sounds like you don't either. I consider it independence, in a way - freedom from an emotional and/or egocentric crutch. Kudos to you! :)

If you want to ask someone out on a date, but you're very shy, then I recommend the following:

Lie in bed, clear your mind of all other thoughts, and imagine a plausible situation in which you would ask that person out on a date. Imagine the different possible responses.
She accepts enthusiastically.
She smiles and says "Mmm.... Sure."
She smiles sympathetically and says "Sorry, I'm not interested."
She looks at you with a straight face and civilly says "No."
She looks at you in disgust.
She laughs and says "With you?"

Go over each of these several times in your head. Try to be as vivid as possible when imagining these scenarios ("vivid" without resporting to mind-altering substances). The idea here is to make yourself comfortable with teh various scenarios that can take place. You want to fantasize about being rejected so that it doesn't come as a serious blow to you if it happens. By the same token, you also want to fantasize about being accepted so that you don't suttter all over yourself in "Wow! Gee! Thanks!" if she accepts.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

I've tried that. I can never imagine anyone accepting. And then I end up sad :(

Sounds like you're just not a very emotionally-dependent person, which is nothing to be ashamed of or to consider disadvantageous. Some people need friends, and some don't. I don't need a sounding board to gauge my psychological situation and mental and social wellbeing, and it sounds like you don't either. I consider it independence, in a way - freedom from an emotional and/or egocentric crutch. Kudos to you! :)
Well, I do get VERY lonely...

1. I am quite shy. Especially around females. In large crowds, I huddle up into a selected spot, and I stay there for the rest of the time, avoiding any contact as much as possible.

2. I guess I'm shy online too. If I'm IMing someone, and they say they're in a bad mood or very mad about something, I assume that it must be me or something I said, and I immediately stop being the one who initiates a conversation, even though they say it wasn't me that triggered their anger.

And no, I have ABSOLUTELY NO friends in RL. (The ones I had all moved away, if I remember correctly).

1. I understand, having been very much the same way. My grandmother taught me to read when I was about four. When I got to first grade in shcool, they were reading "Dick and Jane" ( "See Dick run. Run, Dick! Run!" GROAN! ) and I had already read most of the Children's Classics series ( Two Years Before the Mast, Robinson Caruso, etc. ). When I tried to talk to the other kids about things, I suspect I was a bit intimidating, or simply incomprehensible. One of the things which helped me greatly, especially in College, was listening to how other people talked. I began to pepper my speech with coloquialisms and slang and tossing them into conversations at unusual ( not wierd! ) spots. It always made people focus on what I was saying and sometimes made them laugh at the incongruity. :)

2. Personalizing things is still a minor problem for me as well. However, once you realize at a gut level that the world was here before you were born, and will most likely still be here after you die, it helps. ;)

I've tried that. I can never imagine anyone accepting. And then I end up sad :(
Why end up sad, when you can do the same thing I do: lose my temper and launch nuclear weapons :D

Doesn't work too well for me. I tend to, I believe, make people insecure because I am an extreme intellectual and know a helluva lot for my age. So I try to share any relevant information with people, since that's really what I'd want others to do. However, it tends to annoy people and make them feel, what I believe to be, insecure. By the by, four topics not suitable for casual talk are entomology, pathology, epidemiology, and etymology.

And for me, it's less getting friends, and more getting more involved with them.

I take it you're not in college yet. Things should change for you once you're there AND begin mingling with others who have similar interests. :)

Why end up sad, when you can do the same thing I do: lose my temper and launch nuclear weapons :D

Heh. I don't have any nukes for a start.

No, not even imaginary ones :p

I don't mind large crowds, but I prefer to stay away from them, not for the fear of anything, it's just sort of my style. I prefer stealth to being open about everything. My friends complain alot that I'm too stealthy, even though I don't try when I'm around them. I sort of mold my appearance by fear, even when I do enter a big crowd, people stop and let me by or apologise for the little things, and I don't get drowned out in the mass of people. Try wearing a trench coat, camo pants, and a matching camo boonie hat, it does wonders. I scare my peers, and I don't even try. So in short I mold my apperance by fear.

Heh. I don't have any nukes for a start.

No, not even imaginary ones :p
Well, what DO you have?

Well, I do get VERY lonely...

Therein lies the dilemma. I was periodically lonely too, for the first few years.
My advice is to remember Kant: if your dependence on others is not of the emotional or psychosocial variety, then what is it? If your only use for friends is to pass the time, or to entertain yourself, consider that you're using those people as a means to your own satisfaction, rather than treating them as ends in themselves.

I know that if I were to take on a friend, whom I have no use for psychosocially, then, in fact, I am exploiting them for my own good. This is why I choose not to, personally.

To add on, addiction, psychopathology, psychiatric medicinal practice, and religion seem to bore people out of their skulls.

Only those who are, for you, the "wrong" ones. :)

Well, what DO you have?

Uhhhh... lemme check...
...
...
...
I have ponies. And Lego. And some sort of cat toy...
Hmm...

Doesn't work too well for me. I tend to, I believe, make people insecure because I am an extreme intellectual and know a helluva lot for my age. So I try to share any relevant information with people, since that's really what I'd want others to do. However, it tends to annoy people and make them feel, what I believe to be, insecure. By the by, four topics not suitable for casual talk are entomology, pathology, epidemiology, and etymology.

And for me, it's less getting friends, and more getting more involved with them.
My experience says most of the "ology" issues (study of) are often a turn off only in respect to the depth that the more interested person gets into them. There is a relative interest factor in things at first, ya can't expect people not to be superficial with other people at first since most people have found it difficult to be upfront and honest with people they've never or have just met. The trick as i say is catching on to what is relating to the person(s) you're talking to. I personally find however, that since most people here have a language relation with meaning (especially if they aren't speaking in slang) and therefore there is a correlation to the etymology topic ... that's just me and a few other people. Try not to bore people with how smart you might be, and let them feel like the two (or more) of you are all smart in your own ways and can relate to each other.
I personally find on this thread that Eutrusca and Cogitation seem to have the best advice.
I spent many years being painfully shy and introverted but am seeing things differently now .... a simple rule comes to mind with me. It's correlative to the value of things, especially your time and interest ....
Attempt to have a picture of clarity regarding your sense of worth and the senses of worth of others.
As is, shyness often is a block of interpretation, as to what that person feels is a worth to others. Delusional or not, you can find that if you aren't relating some things to other people, you will often feel like your time is being wasted, then get what you want from the topic and if nothing else people may respect that of you, as long as you respect that they also are sharing in the time in question. Either way, people can get to know you as well as you defining yourself in the process.
Works for me. Flexibility tends to be the key as conversation goes, IMHO.

Uhhhh... lemme check...
...
...
...
I have ponies. And Lego. And some sort of cat toy...
Hmm...
*Hands her a strain of genetically bioengineered mutation-causing bacteria*

For the ponies :D

Uhhhh... lemme check...
...
...
...
I have ponies. And Lego. And some sort of cat toy...
Hmm...
Oooh, Legos....

*explodes*

Uhhhh... lemme check...
...
...
...
I have ponies. And Lego. And some sort of cat toy...
Hmm...
WOOOOHOOOOO! I want the cat toy!

Well, I do get VERY lonely...
Hmm, you've just made me realize something. I don't feel lonely now, and I've only been out of the house once in the past two weeks. Usually, I feel mind-crushingly lonely after a single day without seeing someone in person...
How odd.

If you want to ask someone out on a date, but you're very shy, then I recommend the following:

Lie in bed, clear your mind of all other thoughts, and imagine a plausible situation in which you would ask that person out on a date. Imagine the different possible responses.
She accepts enthusiastically.
She smiles and says "Mmm.... Sure."
She smiles sympathetically and says "Sorry, I'm not interested."
She looks at you with a straight face and civilly says "No."
She looks at you in disgust.
She laughs and says "With you?"

Go over each of these several times in your head. Try to be as vivid as possible when imagining these scenarios ("vivid" without resporting to mind-altering substances). The idea here is to make yourself comfortable with teh various scenarios that can take place. You want to fantasize about being rejected so that it doesn't come as a serious blow to you if it happens. By the same token, you also want to fantasize about being accepted so that you don't suttter all over yourself in "Wow! Gee! Thanks!" if she accepts.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

Good technique, bad focus!

Reverse it ... imagine yourself being successful at whatever ( this works with almost every field of endeavor! ) in as much detail as possible ( the colors, the movements, the dress of those present, etc. ) and visualize yourself being successful, rather than visualizing yourself being UNsuccessful. Either way, you're programming yourself. Much better to program yourself to be successful, don't you think? :)

Another really great technique comes from Gestalt Psychology: sit two chairs facing each other and role play both yourself and the "other" in a given situation. Move back and forth from one chair to the other as the "conversation" progresses. This is behavioral dynamite! It's the technique I used to come to terms with my mother, who left me right after I was born. Very painful for that purpose, but it worked; I no longer resent her. :)

Hmm, you've just made me realize something. I don't feel lonely now, and I've only been out of the house once in the past two weeks. Usually, I feel mind-crushingly lonely after a single day without seeing someone in person...
How odd.
I feel very happy knowing I caused someone's loneliness to go away :D

Man, you're meeting all the wrong people. Those topics would be great to talk about! If I.. um... knew anything about them >.>
Not many people want to talk about bugs. Though, when I was at an insect zoo, and there was a lady walking around with a few specimens, I had an incredible talk with her. That's probably augmented by the fact that I was so, so happy there, and didn't want to leave. All of the arthropods there were so...god it's hard to form the words to describe how happy I was.

I think the trick would be meeting people who already know a little about the topics you do. No one likes a conversation where their options are limited to nodding and saying 'boy, that's fascinating'. If you can find someone with the same interests, I'm sure you'd find conversations a lot less tricky :)
But I haven't! And entomologists are a very rare breed of human...

Lie in bed, clear your mind of all other thoughts, and imagine a plausible situation in which you would ask that person out on a date. Imagine the different possible responses.

[...]

Go over each of these several times in your head. Try to be as vivid as possible when imagining these scenarios ("vivid" without resporting to mind-altering substances). The idea here is to make yourself comfortable with teh various scenarios that can take place. You want to fantasize about being rejected so that it doesn't come as a serious blow to you if it happens. By the same token, you also want to fantasize about being accepted so that you don't suttter all over yourself in "Wow! Gee! Thanks!" if she accepts.
I could try, but I'm just not good at that type of thing. I've heard people say that they imagine possible encounters with people, but I've never done so. That might be because I have some problems with empathising, so I can't even faux empathise. I will try though, and I am very thankful for someone actually giving me a bit of practicable advice... Though I already know that if I ever gather up the courage to ask her out, if she accepts I am going to stutter out a pathetic answer...

Sometimes though I can get the odd bit of courage to be able to ask some girl out but most of the time I can't form the words....
Doesn't that suck?

Sounds like you're just not a very emotionally-dependent person, which is nothing to be ashamed of or to consider disadvantageous.
Actually, everyone needs some social interaction. Some people need more, but everyone needs some for a healthy psyche. It doesn't always seem that way, I know I used to think that having no friends was fine, but you realise if you get a little more social that you were wrong.

Hmm, you've just made me realize something. I don't feel lonely now, and I've only been out of the house once in the past two weeks. Usually, I feel mind-crushingly lonely after a single day without seeing someone in person...
How odd.
Ha! I haven't left the house except to shovel the driveway (that I don't use) for two months.

Hmm, you've just made me realize something. I don't feel lonely now, and I've only been out of the house once in the past two weeks. Usually, I feel mind-crushingly lonely after a single day without seeing someone in person...
How odd.

Ahh! The value of differing perspective! :)

Ha! I haven't left the house except to shovel the driveway (that I don't use) for two months.

Not good! Even I, with my built-in excuses ( no car, too old, disabled ), get out and visit, ride my mountain bike, play with my grandchildren, etc. You need human interaction to keep your mind sharp, increase your knowledge, and even to stay healthy!

I feel very happy knowing I caused someone's loneliness to go away :D

As well you should! :)

I think the trick would be meeting people who already know a little about the topics you do. No one likes a conversation where their options are limited to nodding and saying 'boy, that's fascinating'. If you can find someone with the same interests, I'm sure you'd find conversations a lot less tricky :)
Really?

I don't see ANY girls on this Earth who likes the planet Pluto as much as I do...

Actually, everyone needs some social interaction. Some people need more, but everyone needs some for a healthy psyche. It doesn't always seem that way, I know I used to think that having no friends was fine, but you realise if you get a little more social that you were wrong.

True for most, I'm sure. However, under certain circumstances, it may become wholly unethical to take on friends, as in the case I mentioned earlier. In those cases, while I don't deny their usefulness, friendship loses its traditional meaning, and becomes veiled exploitation that would wound my conscience more than loneliness ever could.

Not good! Even I, with my built-in excuses ( no car, too old, disabled ), get out and visit, ride my mountain bike, play with my grandchildren, etc. You need human interaction to keep your mind sharp, increase your knowledge, and even to stay healthy!
What do you think this is? Honestly, I haven't felt a need to see people.

Really?

I don't see ANY girls on this Earth who likes the planet Pluto as much as I do...

So find a girl who likes it almost as much, who has a main interest you share.

Although now that I think about it, I'm really the last person who should be giving anyone advice :rolleyes:

So find a girl who likes it almost as much, who has a main interest you share.
And that main interest is the Plutonian Empire. NOW try looking for girls that are interested in THAT! ;)

I personally find on this thread that Eutrusca and Cogitation seem to have the best advice.

Works for me. Flexibility tends to be the key as conversation goes, IMHO.

I better have good advice! I do this for a living ... well, partially. :)

Good advice in this post of yours. If I might add to your statement about flexibility: you gain flexibility as you gain experience and gradually acquire this vast repitoir of sayings, quips, information, jokes, etc., that you can pick and choose from to insert into the conversation at appropriate places. :)

I have a tendency to do those sort of fantasies.

However...

They take place on very large scales, which involves me losing my temper and retaliating with nuclear weapons.
The idea is also to fantasize about the plausible. :p

I've tried that. I can never imagine anyone accepting. And then I end up sad :(
Okay, this is going to be a tough nut to crack....

Try imagining a person who already likes you and wants to go out with you, but hasn't asked you yet. Also imagine that he doesn't realize that you know he likes you. Imagine that you've chosen to make the first move.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

What do you think this is? Honestly, I haven't felt a need to see people.

It will get to be a habit, then begin to affect you in ways you won't be able to see because you have no one with whom to compare notes, or with whom to compare yourself.

And that main interest is the Plutonian Empire. NOW try looking for girls that are interested in THAT! ;)

Pluto: cold, distant, unreachable. Hmmm.

It will get to be a habit, then begin to affect you in ways you won't be able to see because you have no one with whom to compare notes, or with whom to compare yourself.
I still talk to people. It's not like I'm out of touch with reality or current events.

Hmm, you've just made me realize something. I don't feel lonely now, and I've only been out of the house once in the past two weeks. Usually, I feel mind-crushingly lonely after a single day without seeing someone in person...
How odd.

Hmmm... normally I can feel alone, but I never feel lonely. What is lonely? Even when I'm shut off from the world, or heaven forbid, the internetwebwork, I don't feel lonely.

But then, I recently figured out that I have no strong concept of self, (a common symptom of depression is to feel worthless (but yet I have basically every other sympton under the sun) , but yet I don't understand what would involve feeling worthless, just as I don't understand what feeling worthy, involves. I've only got a real grasp of anger. I'm rarely my usual self in dreams (usually I'm me but without gender, or female, or occasionally completely incorporeal (now that's a strange one) but rarely male. Chew on that, Freud, hmmm?
I also sometimes don't recognise myself in the mirror, or spend minutes looking until I scare myself. I just generally visciously regulate my moods except when I'm manic or hyper. Then I just exhaust myself attempting to.

I even come up blank when I think "who am I?" Can someone describe their own character? I can't.

Damnit, you made me get all introspective and off-topicy.
eh, ignore as desired. I thought, ergo I ranted.

Pluto: cold, distant, unreachable. Hmmm.
Are you trying to curse me? :p (j/k ;) )

Okay, this is going to be a tough nut to crack....
More than you imagine, I think. People tend to stop trying to help me after the first few hours :p

Try imagining a person who already likes you and wants to go out with you, but hasn't asked you yet. Also imagine that he doesn't realize that you know he likes you. Imagine that you've chosen to make the first move.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

Imagine that someone likes me? Now you're just being silly :p

Plus, it's not just the initial asking out that's the problem... I tend to assume that even if they initially agree to go out with me, they'll end up regretting it. Not something I tend to want to inflict on people I care about.

Feel free to throw up your hands in frustration and give any time now ^.^

Not shy

I still talk to people. It's not like I'm out of touch with reality or current events.

But we all need others who know us well enough to "call" us on things we can't see.

http://www.noogenesis.com/game_theory/johari/johari_window.html

Good technique, bad focus!

Reverse it ... imagine yourself being successful at whatever ( this works with almost every field of endeavor! ) in as much detail as possible ( the colors, the movements, the dress of those present, etc. ) and visualize yourself being successful, rather than visualizing yourself being UNsuccessful. Either way, you're programming yourself. Much better to program yourself to be successful, don't you think? :)
Your argument has merit; I'll think it over. My opinion, however, is that if the fear involved is the fear of rejection, then I would suppose that one needs to learn (both consciously and unconsciously) that rejection is not a terrible, horrible thing. If one gets rejected, the appropriate response is to shrug it off, thank the person for their time, wish them a nice day, smile, and walk away.

Another really great technique comes from Gestalt Psychology: sit two chairs facing each other and role play both yourself and the "other" in a given situation. Move back and forth from one chair to the other as the "conversation" progresses. This is behavioral dynamite! It's the technique I used to come to terms with my mother, who left me right after I was born. Very painful for that purpose, but it worked; I no longer resent her. :)
Hmmm.... Wouldn't this, in essence, constitute a variant of the technique I recommended? You're imagining both sides of the conversation.

I could try, but I'm just not good at that type of thing. I've heard people say that they imagine possible encounters with people, but I've never done so. That might be because I have some problems with empathising, so I can't even faux empathise. I will try though, and I am very thankful for someone actually giving me a bit of practicable advice... Though I already know that if I ever gather up the courage to ask her out, if she accepts I am going to stutter out a pathetic answer...
Do you have a sympathetic female cousin who will agree to be your practice subject? (...or good platonic friend?) Agree to meet your cousin/friend somewhere and live roleplay asking her out.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

But we all need others who know us well enough to "call" us on things we can't see.

http://www.noogenesis.com/game_theory/johari/johari_window.html
All of this telling me I'm unhealthy stuff isn't going to improve my self-esteem any.

That will change as you gain experience from being "social." It sounds as if you're putting lots more energy into it than you really need to. Try to relax just a bit more each time you're in a social situation.

BTW... there's nothing at all wrong with being a bit introverted, but it is wise to strike a balance ( as with most things in life ).Sorry if this has been addressed already, but I wanted to comment on this and didn't want to forget about it as I continued reading the thread. I have to disagree with the idea that he's "putting lots more energy into it than you really need to". I'm the same way in large social groups. Even if I'm sitting around doing nothing, I will get physically tired and have to leave. It doesn't matter if I'm with friends or family or complete strangers. This is not the type of thing that will "go away" with time or practice, as it is more than likely part of your personality type. What I can suggest however, is taking little breaks every now and then. Just excuse yourself for 10 or 20 or even 30 minutes, spend some time by yourself, then head back in for more. It will make things easier, and give you some of that alone time that us introverts need every now and then.

1. Your argument has merit; I'll think it over. My opinion, however, is that if the fear involved is the fear of rejection, then I would suppose that one needs to learn (both consciously and unconsciously) that rejection is not a terrible, horrible thing. If one gets rejected, the appropriate response is to shrug it off, thank the person for their time, wish them a nice day, smile, and walk away.

2. Hmmm.... Wouldn't this, in essence, constitute a variant of the technique I recommended? You're imagining both sides of the conversation.

1. Yes, except that you are also programming yourself to fail. The more you visualize yourself as being successful at something ( the greater the detail, the better ), the more you will in fact succeed.

2. Yes, but I'm not just "imagining" both sides of the conversation, I'm also controlling them. Role playing is something with which I'm sure you're familiar. In effect, you "become" the other insofar as is possible. You can game-play various people, different conversations, various objections to raise, the list is almost endless.

EDIT: And don't forget to switch chairs each time you change "characters." It's important for achieving the necessary perspectives involved.

All of this telling me I'm unhealthy stuff isn't going to improve my self-esteem any.

Please understand that there's a vast difference between telling someone "You are an unhealthy person," and telling them that they have behaviours which could be more effective for them. The first is an attack on the person, the second is an attempt to communicate information.

im horribly shy, i hate being in public at all, even with my friends i freeze up. i and i have trouble talking to even my closest friends. even on trillion or aim, i far to paranoid to ever start a conversation, and if they start the conversation i have trouble keeping it going.

its pretty pathetic, i know. oh well, i have always been that way and i always be, no point in stressing over it.

Sorry if this has been addressed already, but I wanted to comment on this and didn't want to forget about it as I continued reading the thread. I have to disagree with the idea that he's "putting lots more energy into it than you really need to". I'm the same way in large social groups. Even if I'm sitting around doing nothing, I will get physically tired and have to leave. It doesn't matter if I'm with friends or family or complete strangers. This is not the type of thing that will "go away" with time or practice, as it is more than likely part of your personality type. What I can suggest however, is taking little breaks every now and then. Just excuse yourself for 10 or 20 or even 30 minutes, spend some time by yourself, then head back in for more. It will make things easier, and give you some of that alone time that us introverts need every now and then.

Whatever works.

I still suspect that, unless he's spending four or five hours in non-stop interaction, it's the stress of trying to be something with which he is not yet comfortable that is causing the fatigue. Without knowing more and perhaps observing him involved in this, this is primarily an educated SWAG.

NOTE: SWAG = Scientific Wild-Assed Guess

Do you have a sympathetic female cousin who will agree to be your practice subject? (...or good platonic friend?) Agree to meet your cousin/friend somewhere and live roleplay asking her out.
Huh, that could help. My best friend is a female, whom my relationship is certainly platonic. Still seems hard just pretending...

im horribly shy, i hate being in public at all, even with my friends i freeze up. i and i have trouble talking to even my closest friends. even on trillion or aim, i far to paranoid to ever start a conversation, and if they start the conversation i have trouble keeping it going.

its pretty pathetic, i know. oh well, i have always been that way and i always be, no point in stressing over it.

Only if you want to continue to be. There's a process called "desensitization" which might be of help to you.

Huh, that could help. My best friend is a female, whom my relationship is certainly platonic. Still seems hard just pretending...

Huh? You? You don't play any role-playing games???

Are you trying to curse me? :p (j/k ;) )

Um ... nooo. Just a bit of insight perhaps. :)

Not anymore. I used a trial-by-fire method to get rid of any shyness. Went straight into a new school, no friends, and poof, I am much more extroverted. I have no problem with new people, as long as its in a situation where I won't see them again, which is why I don't want to ask anyone at school out. Plus, with school girls, you have to spend all your time with them at lunch at tween classes, which is silly..

Huh? You? You don't play any role-playing games???
Not really... I act sometimes, but I'm bad when I'm not playing another persona.

Or shiness, though that's not as common. But the question is whether you consider yourself to be a shy person.

And, just to make it a little more interesting, for myself if no-one else, what methods do you use to overcome shyness? Especially with, say, asking someone out?

I think it is important to remember that the person you are is pretty darn good. You are interesting. You have ideas. If the person you want to ask out likes you there are usually little signs that tell you this. It might take a little while to figure it out but it can be done. Does this person smile at you. Look at you several times. Touch her hair when talking to you. also do you seem to similiar interests? Another poster said you have to swing if you want to get a hit. good advise. It is ok to ask for a date the worst thing that can happen is she will say no.

Only if you want to continue to be. There's a process called "desensitization" which might be of help to you.

heh, thank you, but i am far to lazy and unmotavited to attempt it.

I think it is important to remember that the person you are is pretty darn good. You are interesting. You have ideas. If the person you want to ask out likes you there are usually little signs that tell you this. It might take a little while to figure it out but it can be done. Does this person smile at you. Look at you several times. Touch her hair when talking to you. also do you seem to similiar interests? Another poster said you have to swing if you want to get a hit. good advise. It is ok to ask for a date the worst thing that can happen is she will say no.Just for the sake of argument, what if you're not interesting? What if you don't have ideas? I'm not saying that I am these things. But what if...

Just for the sake of argument, what if you're not interesting? What if you don't have ideas? I'm not saying that I am these things. But what if...

Yeah, I second this question. Minus the 'I'm not saying I am these things' in my case, though.

heh, thank you, but i am far to lazy and unmotavited to attempt it.

I'm sorry. :(

Are you too unmotivated to begin some sort of aerobic exercise? That would help your motiviation and outlook.

Just for the sake of argument, what if you're not interesting? What if you don't have ideas? I'm not saying that I am these things. But what if...

Everybody is interesting. Everybody has ideas. It is relative. My ideas aren't like Einstein's or whoever but I have thoughts. People are interesting. We have all lived and our lives are interesting.

I'm sorry. :(

Are you too unmotivated to begin some sort of aerobic exercise? That would help your motiviation and outlook.

ah dont be sorry, its just who i am.

ha, and of course im too lazy and unmotivated to do any exercise. that requires, like, work and stuff. the only time i could ever do any sort of excersize would be if i were overweight, and since i look like a boarderline anorexic dispite the fact i eat alot, i dont see it happening. if you dont mind my asking, how does it help?

ah dont be sorry, its just who i am.

ha, and of course im too lazy and unmotivated to do any exercise. that requires, like, work and stuff. the only time i could ever do any sort of excersize would be if i were overweight, and since i look like a boarderline anorexic dispite the fact i eat alot, i dont see it happening. if you dont mind my asking, how does it help?

Lots of happy endorphines get released into your blood stream, which improves your mood and general health.

I get all the exercise I need walking up and down the stairs in my school between classes :p

I think it is important to remember that the person you are is pretty darn good. You are interesting. You have ideas. If the person you want to ask out likes you there are usually little signs that tell you this. It might take a little while to figure it out but it can be done. Does this person smile at you. Look at you several times. Touch her hair when talking to you. also do you seem to similiar interests? Another poster said you have to swing if you want to get a hit. good advise. It is ok to ask for a date the worst thing that can happen is she will say no.
I believe that, if my friend who's trying to force me to ask the girl out is telling the truth, she thinks it's either "cute" or "adorable", she can't remember. She is a little more...experienced and worldly wise than I am...I was not pleased by that, though I'm still going to ask.

I get all the exercise I need walking up and down the stairs in my school between classes :p
Wait 'till you get OUT of school! :p :D

Lots of happy endorphines get released into your blood stream, which improves your mood and general health.

I get all the exercise I need walking up and down the stairs in my school between classes :p

haha, i see.

does the excersize actually help the whole shyness thing?

1. Yes, except that you are also programming yourself to fail. The more you visualize yourself as being successful at something ( the greater the detail, the better ), the more you will in fact succeed.
Hmmm.... I do acknowledge that it's important to have confidence in oneself and one's own abilities.

I did suggest fnatasizing a variety of situations, both successful and failed, with the objectives being twofold: Reinforce (in one's own mind) the possibility that one can be accepted on a date, but to also shift fear-of-rejection from a position of "cause of nervousness and nightmares" to a position of "no big deal".

Programming oneself for success is all well and good; success should be encouraged. However, rejection will still occur and, in the minds of some people, the imagined consequences of rejection are over-inflated beyond the minimal threat that rejection actually poses. How do you address overcoming this phobia? ...or did I miss this part of your advice?

Looking over my own post, I realize that I implied that the scenarios should be considered in sequential order from good to bad. I do not actually advocate this; I advocate considering the scenarios in random order. It might be argued that considering the scenarios in a good-to-bad sequence might encourage failure in actual situations; I will not contest such an argument.

2. Yes, but I'm not just "imagining" both sides of the conversation, I'm also controlling them. Role playing is something with which I'm sure you're familiar. In effect, you "become" the other insofar as is possible. You can game-play various people, different conversations, various objections to raise, the list is almost endless.

EDIT: And don't forget to switch chairs each time you change "characters." It's important for achieving the necessary perspectives involved.
I don't roleplay all that often, but your point here is well taken. I concede this point.

Just for the sake of argument, what if you're not interesting? What if you don't have ideas? I'm not saying that I am these things. But what if...

First, I assume you're a heterosexual male. I will be adjusting my pronouns accordingly. When you get involved in a conversation, ask the other person questions about what their hobbies and interests are. "What do you like to do in your spare time?" "I don't know much about that. Tell me more." Try to ask specific questions. I gave some advice to Colodia on the subject of conversations with dates. I need to dig up the link.

More than you imagine, I think. People tend to stop trying to help me after the first few hours :p
I'm a little more determined than that. :p

Imagine that someone likes me? Now you're just being silly :p
Linky (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v231/Shaed/Img01024.jpg) <-- This is you... right? Is there something not shown in that image that is not to like? Do you hack up phlegm every 30 seconds? Is that a wig? Are you hiding a head full of snakes under that wig? Do you turn into an ogre at night? Or are you merely convinced of your own unlikeableness? :p

Plus, it's not just the initial asking out that's the problem... I tend to assume that even if they initially agree to go out with me, they'll end up regretting it. Not something I tend to want to inflict on people I care about.
Okay, now I'm going to adopt Eutrusca's stance, here. You have the looks. Now you need the attitude. You are likeable. Convince yourself of that. Any unlikeableness is due solely to mental, not physical, characteristics.

Hell, if you lived in New York City, I'd be asking you out now.

Feel free to throw up your hands in frustration and give any time now ^.^
NEVAR!!

Never give up! Never surrender! [/corny "Galaxy Quest" quote]

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

Linky (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v231/Shaed/Img01024.jpg) <-- This is you... right? Is there something not shown in that image that is not to like?

yeah, im going to have to second that. heh, i've always liked that hair color on women. i havent read many posts from you, but from what i can tell you also seem amusing and intellgent, so likeability shouldnt be a problem for you.

yeah, im going to have to second that. heh, i've always liked that hair color on women. i havent read many posts from you, but you also seem amusing and intellgent, so likeability shouldnt be a problem for you.
She apparently has self-image problem. Mentally, she is attractive and physically she definitely is, so she just is weird.

She apparently has self-image problem. Mentally, she is attractive and physically she definitely is, so she just is weird.

did she win the hottest women on ns thing?

did she win the hottest women on ns thing?
She tied with Aerou.

She tied with Aerou.

well shes in good company then.. jesus, im surprised to see someone as attractive as her not flaunting it like crazy. kinda disappointing, cause she could be

well shes in good company then.. jesus, im surprised to see someone as attractive as her not flaunting it like crazy. kinda disappointing, cause she should be
I don't think she's the kind of girl that does that.

I don't think she's the kind of girl that does that.

err.. sorry, i meant to say could*

either way, its great that she isnt that kind of person.

I used to have a problem with shyness. Now I take Paxil CR for anxiety.

I used to be really shy, in general, but especially in dating.

START WITH A SMILE! :-)

The trick for me getting over my shy-ness was realizing that most people are happy to find out that someone is genuinely interested in talking to them.
Also a lot of people who talk a lot take silence as a form of negative judgement or non-interest... which is usually not what a shy person intends at all.

Laugher is a good segway (sp?) into easy conversation as well as common things you do. Specific open ended questions that get other people talking are great ways to get less shy and have a convo.

As for asking people out specifically, I've gotta ask before I think about it and build it up too much in my head (..active imagination left over from childhood..) And if you have already, sometimes admitting that you don't quite know how to put things can make you feel a bit better and make them a little nicer (no matter what their reaction is).

Obviously, I opt for the "fumbling idiot with a sweet smile" routine. :-)

It can definetly work! :-)

I'm a little more determined than that. :p
That's what they all say ;)

Linky (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v231/Shaed/Img01024.jpg) <-- This is you... right? Is there something not shown in that image that is not to like? Do you hack up phlegm every 30 seconds? Is that a wig? Are you hiding a head full of snakes under that wig? Do you turn into an ogre at night? Or are you merely convinced of your own unlikeableness? :p
Um.. well... hrm...
*goes and hides the evil photo that's ruining my case for lack-of-self-esteem*
I think I tend to assume that the people I like don't think I'm attractive, and that if they say they do it's just to comfort me. Or that they'll make assumptions about my personality based on my looks. Or something along those lines. I really tend to worry more about not being able to keep people interested or entertained, or that I'll come across as utterly insane :p

Okay, now I'm going to adopt Eutrusca's stance, here. You have the looks. Now you need the attitude. You are likeable. Convince yourself of that. Any unlikeableness is due solely to mental, not physical, characteristics.
But aren't unlikable characteristics of the mental sort *worse* than those of the physical sort? At least most physical characteristics are either fairly simple to change, or acceptable/preferential to some people...

And I'm not sure I could just suddenly believe I'm likable. that sounds suspiciously like a leap of faith, something I'm not too good at.

Hell, if you lived in New York City, I'd be asking you out now.
No fair! Stupid living-in-Australia-ness! I'll never forgive my parents now.
^.^
Damn you for increasing my self-esteem! Soon I'll have no excuse for my shyness. Then where will I be, eh?

NEVAR!!

Never give up! Never surrender! [/corny "Galaxy Quest" quote]

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."
Tsktsk, silly Cog. You'll turn this into a challenge. And then you'll not only have to deal with my lack of self-esteem but *also* my natural stubborness :p

Obviously, I opt for the "fumbling idiot with a sweet smile" routine. :-)
As for me, I am typically just the fumbling idiot part. I have gotten to the point where I can talk about many things fine, but when I get into the emotional realm, I am still pretty egoistic (n.b. not egotistical). Whenever I even think about asking the girl I like out, I start stuttering a lot, and it just isn't working well. I know I'll feel better after I do, whatever answer she gives, and I just want to get it over with, but I am having such trouble doing anything! At my rate, she'll have gotten another boyfriend by the time I gather up the nerve...:(

She tied with Aerou.

I still call conspiracy with that though... Aerou mostly got votes from posters with thousands of posts; most of the people voting for me only had a handful of posts. Suspicious people could happily assume there was puppet usage going on.

And I feel strange being the person to come up with this conspiracy >.>

I think I tend to assume that the people I like don't think I'm attractive, and that if they say they do it's just to comfort me. Or that they'll make assumptions about my personality based on my looks. Or something along those lines.
I tend to do the exact same thing.
Tsktsk, silly Cog. You'll turn this into a challenge. And then you'll not only have to deal with my lack of self-esteem but *also* my natural stubborness :p
And stubborness ALWAYS wins. I know this from experience because my mom is the same way. (EDIT: sans the lack of self-esteem part. Mom's full of self-esteem. I think...)

I still call conspiracy with that though... Aerou mostly got votes from posters with thousands of posts; most of the people voting for me only had a handful of posts. Suspicious people could happily assume there was puppet usage going on.

And I feel strange being the person to come up with this conspiracy >.>
Hell, I thought you were much more attractive. Her facial structure seemed off to me, or something along those, if I recall. Which I probably don't, seeing as my memory sucks, especially with people. But I do recall that the picture shown here was certianly who I chose.

Humility is one of the seven heavenly virtues, sure, but you're attractive in all aspects. The only potential problems would be emotional problems, which are self-induced because any self-doubt is because you think you have it. Here, let me put this plainly. You. Are. Attractive. Hot. Sexy. Whatever word you want to use there. Stop doubting yourself!

As for me, I am typically just the fumbling idiot part. I have gotten to the point where I can talk about many things fine, but when I get into the emotional realm, I am still pretty egoistic (n.b. not egotistical). Whenever I even think about asking the girl I like out, I start stuttering a lot, and it just isn't working well. I know I'll feel better after I do, whatever answer she gives, and I just want to get it over with, but I am having such trouble doing anything! At my rate, she'll have gotten another boyfriend by the time I gather up the nerve...:(

Man... that used to happen to me in high school (but with boys getting another girlfriend...) seriously. It sucks like hell.

What part of it scares you? Do you have any idea?

I used to always be afraid that they would say yes and I wouldn't be able to handle the actual date once I got myself on it. *laughs at self* I thought, wow, if I can't handle one question how am I going to handle a whole date?

I was, for the longest time. I couldn't hardly talk to women, much less ask them out. I was also a "nice guy" once upon a time as well. Then I had my heart ripped out and stomped on by a girl named Jenna. And I learned one thing above all else. I don't deserve that sort of treatment. I realized that I am great, and there are plenty of women who would love to be with me. Once I knew, however deluded, that women found me attractive, I found it much easier to approach them.

It's all about confidence.

It's all about confidence.For the win.

What part of it scares you? Do you have any idea?

I used to always be afraid that they would say yes and I wouldn't be able to handle the actual date once I got myself on it. *laughs at self* I thought, wow, if I can't handle one question how am I going to handle a whole date?
I think that if I actually managed to do it at all, that I'll do pretty well. I get along with her fine as a friend and all that. My main problem is just the actual asking. Everything that happens after that I should be able to cope with fine, regection or acceptance, whatever. Which is makes this so frustrating! I just need to fecking ask, and stop dawdling! I'm not even really afraid of being turned down, though I gues sI'd feel a little bad. I'm just afraid of asking, by god! I am so cowardly! :headbang:

Sometimes, it depends. With asking someone out, here are three things I do:

1. Hint to a friend that knows the person that you like them. That way, if they like you they'll ask YOU out and you don't have to.

2. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Then once you know exactly how to say it, go find them, make yourself talk, and see what happens. Yes, you'll notice every bungle of grammar and you'll say it in one second but wait ten for an answer, but then you'll at least know one way or the other.

3. If you know the person well enough already (as a friend for example) that you know they won't think it too cheesy, ask them out in a note. That's what I recently did and it worked because I was already friends with him.

2. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Then once you know exactly how to say it, go find them, make yourself talk, and see what happens. Yes, you'll notice every bungle of grammar and you'll say it in one second but wait ten for an answer, but then you'll at least know one way or the other.
Does that really work? Because I was really just intending on sponaneity. I think that rehearsal would help with confidence, though. I just have no idea what to rehearse.

3. If you know the person well enough already (as a friend for example) that you know they won't think it too cheesy, ask them out in a note. That's what I recently did and it worked because I was already friends with him.
A friend offered to help me do that, but my intial reaction was "God, that's pathetic! Through a note? How impersonal and odd!" Is it actually a viable option?

Who said they live in NYC? :-)

So do I! Maybe we could do a live... NS example of the "asking out scene"!

HA! I'm laughing at myself, but I'm curiously serious.

Pretty, short, blonde 22 year old lady here. :-)

Her facial structure seemed off to me, or something along those, if I recall. [/b]


Oh nice dude. :rolleyes:

really now, how about "I thought your face was nicer" or something.

I would edit that if I were you,

Who said they live in NYC? :-)

So do I! Maybe we could do a live... NS example of the "asking out scene"!

HA! I'm laughing at myself, but I'm curiously serious.

Pretty, short, blonde 22 year old lady here. :-)

I'm in NY 10471.

I think that if I actually managed to do it at all, that I'll do pretty well. I get along with her fine as a friend and all that. My main problem is just the actual asking. Everything that happens after that I should be able to cope with fine, regection or acceptance, whatever. Which is makes this so frustrating! I just need to fecking ask, and stop dawdling! I'm not even really afraid of being turned down, though I gues sI'd feel a little bad. I'm just afraid of asking, by god! I am so cowardly! :headbang:

Are you thinking about asking her to go do a specific thing or just saying, "hey will you be my girlfriend?"

Oh nice dude. :rolleyes:
*Struggles to keep from laughing, fails*


j/k ;)

Oh nice dude. :rolleyes:

really now, how about "I thought your face was nicer" or something.

I would edit that if I were you,
Aha! I think this is a very good example of myself! I am completely insensitive in certain areas where I should be, and overly sensitive in areas where I shouldn't be. Think of the results face-to-face!

Sometimes, it depends. With asking someone out, here are three things I do:

1. Hint to a friend that knows the person that you like them. That way, if they like you they'll ask YOU out and you don't have to.


I have to say this isn't always good advice. A lot of people will react to this with 'if he/she really likes me, why don't they talk to me themselves?' It's sort of hard to come out of that sort of thing without looking lame or pathetic.

But I am fairly biased about this, since my personal stance is that it's rude to get friends to drop hints for you. So... I don't know what point I was making. Maybe that people should only use your first point if they're sure the person they're angling for won't be put off by it.

Are you thinking about asking her to go do a specific thing or just saying, "hey will you be my girlfriend?"
I really don't know...I've never done this before and have no idea. If I ever do manage to, then I was just relying that my gut instinct would tell me...

That's what they all say ;)


Um.. well... hrm...
*goes and hides the evil photo that's ruining my case for lack-of-self-esteem*
I think I tend to assume that the people I like don't think I'm attractive, and that if they say they do it's just to comfort me. Or that they'll make assumptions about my personality based on my looks. Or something along those lines. I really tend to worry more about not being able to keep people interested or entertained, or that I'll come across as utterly insane :p


But aren't unlikable characteristics of the mental sort *worse* than those of the physical sort? At least most physical characteristics are either fairly simple to change, or acceptable/preferential to some people...

And I'm not sure I could just suddenly believe I'm likable. that sounds suspiciously like a leap of faith, something I'm not too good at.


No fair! Stupid living-in-Australia-ness! I'll never forgive my parents now.
^.^
Damn you for increasing my self-esteem! Soon I'll have no excuse for my shyness. Then where will I be, eh?


Tsktsk, silly Cog. You'll turn this into a challenge. And then you'll not only have to deal with my lack of self-esteem but *also* my natural stubborness :p
So while this smells distinctly like a fishing trip, there are some things in here that reverberate(sp) for me. I don't feel like stacking quotes, so it'll just seem rambled.

"People are just being nice."
I've been nice. In fact, there is not a concievable (in that I can't concieve of it, not that it doesn't exist) instance where I would even call someone homely, much less ugly. I'm not a dick and for the most part, no one asks me. But even if they did, I'm not going to say, "You might want to consider a bag..." But even more so, I give you American Idol.

You know those people who audition who are just crazy bad? Freakish, horrible, jarringly bad? Someone encouraged those people. When they got home and told thier friends and well wishers they didn't get accepted, the friends and well wishers likely acted in awe. "No way, their crazy. You totally should be an American Idol."

Makes you look at those encouraging friends sideways.

And yes, I think hotness is relative to how irratating the person is to listen to. I'm not talking the sound of the voice, but the content of what they say. But really, that's a sliding scale, way more so than looks. Unless you randomly start spitting on everyone you talk to (and even then...) it really is a matter of water finding its level. Like minds, etc...

I should state something to the initial prompt, now that I've interloped this conversation (which I still say smells like a fishing trip)-

I'm kinda shy. I'll keep to the walls and won't engage people until they do it first if I don't know people. If I know enough people in the room, I'm huge and don't care. But first I need to plumb the level of the room, so to speak.

Approaching the opposite sex (for me, chicks)-don't do it. I can talk to women allll day and night, but romanticly-nope. Just don't. Never been good at it and don't care enough to do anything about it. I've had girlfriends that more or less just happened, but I didn't really put that much effort into it (which is probably where the 'had' part comes from). It's all in the D.E., the Do Easy. You weigh effort vs. reward, if the scale comes out on efforts side then you have to re-examine why you're bothering.

This is not to say that hard things aren't worth it, there are things that are difficult that are worth it, but you still should check now and then to be sure. Unfortunately sometimes to be absolutely sure you have to actually do whatever it is to evaluate it, and sometimes you only realise afterward that you're ass out.

Aha! I think this is a very good example of myself! I am completely insensitive in certain areas where I should be, and overly sensitive in areas where I shouldn't be. Think of the results face-to-face!

Yeah, I knew that's probably not what you meant and that it just came out wrong. I can imagine that sort of thing is a real conversation stopper though.

I can imagine that sort of thing is a real conversation stopper though.
Not a conversation stopper, per se, but my less-than-apt wording has offended people. When I quickly apologise when I see their reaction, they typically forgive me, but it really is not a positive trait, I'd have to say!

I really don't know...I've never done this before and have no idea. If I ever do manage to, then I was just relying that my gut instinct would tell me...

How old are you? I only ask because what I would advise would be different based on age.

A good thing to go with in the friends "evolving" arena is suggesting or flat out asking and then getting up and doing something else. That way they can think about it for at least a few seconds if it's not something that has occured to them before. It's cheesy, but it worked.
Definetly has worked on me.

So while this smells distinctly like a fishing trip, there are some things in here that reverberate(sp) for me. I don't feel like stacking quotes, so it'll just seem rambled.
Ugh, I hate the way it comes across as a fishing trip. Makes me want to just not talk at all >.<

Man...I'm extremely shy. I'm 100% introverted. This school year i've tried my hardest to get out and meet new people. I find it to be probably one of the hardest things to do.


When you're shy, its horrible trying to ask someone out. I think of what I'm going to say before i say it, and go over it hundreds of times in my head...until it just sounds stupid and I talk myself out of it. I think you've pretty much have to suck it up and swallow your balls. If you're like me, you feel like you're either going to get turned down or make a huge fool of yourself. It'd be better to make a fool of yourself and get a date than worry yourself to death and not have any fun.

My best bet was dropping subtle hints to the person. I had known before hand that they may have had feelings for me, so i played along one night...and...Well, lets just say it didn't turn out too bad.

I'm in NY 10471.

10471? :-) lol! Are you short handing an address or something?

confusion... but I want to know the answer.

How old are you? I only ask because what I would advise would be different based on age.
16. And she is 17.

Ugh, I hate the way it comes across as a fishing trip. Makes me want to just not talk at all >.<
Wait...what do you mean by a fishing trip?

10471? :-) lol! Are you short handing an address or something?

confusion... but I want to know the answer.Probably a postal code.

And by fishing, I'm assuming they mean fishing for compliments.

10471? :-) lol! Are you short handing an address or something?

confusion... but I want to know the answer.

Well, you probably know it better as Riverdale. :)

Good technique, bad focus!

Reverse it ... imagine yourself being successful at whatever ( this works with almost every field of endeavor! ) in as much detail as possible ( the colors, the movements, the dress of those present, etc. ) and visualize yourself being successful, rather than visualizing yourself being UNsuccessful. Either way, you're programming yourself. Much better to program yourself to be successful, don't you think? :)

Another really great technique comes from Gestalt Psychology: sit two chairs facing each other and role play both yourself and the "other" in a given situation. Move back and forth from one chair to the other as the "conversation" progresses. This is behavioral dynamite! It's the technique I used to come to terms with my mother, who left me right after I was born. Very painful for that purpose, but it worked; I no longer resent her. :)
I have to go with Cog on this one, his stratagy prepares you for both acceptance and regection, were as yours is going to set people up for a big fall on their already low confidence. Basically I believe yours to be too optimistic to be practical. Maybe it is your wisdom that you can see the best in everything but most of us are not up to your level :)

Thanks Cog I think you may have given me something to try. I have tried preparing conversations, based on how I would respond as soon as someone replied differently I sorta got stunned and went silent while I regained my composure, by which time the person has usually gone home and fell asleep.

An interesting side note, for the people who find themselves to intimidating with their knowledge I had the same proplem, I was always bored in even the Advanced classes. People have now generally caught up, as I never learnt how to learn (if that makes sence). Now in university there are things I dont automatically understand, I now have problems learning new things as I dont know how to study :eek:

Wait...what do you mean by a fishing trip?

What Stormforge said. Basically, whenever I say I think I suck, a bunch of people assume I'm expecting them to be all "gasp! no you don't! here, have some compliments'.

It's sucky and annoying. Moreso because it's not particularly unreasonable, since lots of people *do* fish for compliments.

And then I get all paranoid about whether I'm doing it subconsciously or something >.>

What Stormforge said. Basically, whenever I say I think I suck, a bunch of people assume I'm expecting them to be all "gasp! no you don't! here, have some compliments'.

It's sucky and annoying. Moreso because it's not particularly unreasonable, since lots of people *do* fish for compliments.

And then I get all paranoid about whether I'm doing it subconsciously or something >.>
:) :fluffle:

Or shiness, though that's not as common. But the question is whether you consider yourself to be a shy person.

And, just to make it a little more interesting, for myself if no-one else, what methods do you use to overcome shyness? Especially with, say, asking someone out?


I'm shy, but most of my friends won't believe it. I can be outgoing, and cheerful and the life of the party even--just as long as I have one good friend by my side. But put me in a situation where I don't know anyone, and I clam up completely. Even when I have good friends around and am outgoing, it drains me because I'm having to fight to stay calm ever minute.

As for asking someone out--I'll let you know more when I do. Thus far I've always been the one asked out :)

What Stormforge said. Basically, whenever I say I think I suck, a bunch of people assume I'm expecting them to be all "gasp! no you don't! here, have some compliments'.

It's sucky and annoying. Moreso because it's not particularly unreasonable, since lots of people *do* fish for compliments.

And then I get all paranoid about whether I'm doing it subconsciously or something >.>Don't worry about it, since like you said, a lot of people do it. I'm tempted to do it quite often, and the only way I stop myself is by realizing how pathetic it is. But still, I'm sure I do it subconsciously from time to time.

You could of course turn it into your shtick. Just make every post a fishing attempt. It could be your thing, and people could have grand debates about your fishing. The forum would split into two camps: pro-Shaed and anti-Shaed. Oh, I can see the drama now. Do it! For great justice and whatnot.

[QUOTE=Gnostikos]16. And she is 17.[QUOTE]

Well then tell her you love hanging out with her, you think she's really pretty and ask her if she'd ever like you to bring her roses or ask her to a dance or something. :-)

Then say you have to go run and get something or go do your homework (if it's not in person)... and leave her to think.

Hey, then you'll know what her answer will be. :-)

*typing issues

Ugh, I hate the way it comes across as a fishing trip. Makes me want to just not talk at all >.<
There's a temptation to keep poking at you, but since fishing isn't fiegning insecurity but rather insecurity wearing another, louder jacket, I won't. Except for that. Now I'm done.

I will also say that since I work in theater I'm hyper-sensitive to fishing trips because you can't get actors of both genders to do anything unless you put a little something on the hook on a regular basis. So, there's that...

Don't worry about it, since like you said, a lot of people do it. I'm tempted to do it quite often, and the only way I stop myself is by realizing how pathetic it is. But still, I'm sure I do it subconsciously from time to time.

You could of course turn it into your shtick. Just make every post a fishing attempt. It could be your thing, and people could have grand debates about your fishing. The forum would split into two camps: pro-Shaed and anti-Shaed. Oh, I can see the drama now. Do it! For great justice and whatnot.

Hehehe ^.^
I think I'll just stick to hiding. Hrm, maybe I should just start a forum-puppet so I can stop being associated with my photo altogether :p

An interesting side note, for the people who find themselves to intimidating with their knowledge I had the same proplem, I was always bored in even the Advanced classes. People have now generally caught up, as I never learnt how to learn (if that makes sence). Now in university there are things I dont automatically understand, I now have problems learning new things as I dont know how to study :eek:
I know exactly what you're talking about. Though I doubt that when I go to college I'll have trouble learning, since I always learned very well, just not with how to work. Sometimes I have trouble with facts, but that isn't typically a problem.

What Stormforge said. Basically, whenever I say I think I suck, a bunch of people assume I'm expecting them to be all "gasp! no you don't! here, have some compliments'.

It's sucky and annoying. Moreso because it's not particularly unreasonable, since lots of people *do* fish for compliments.

And then I get all paranoid about whether I'm doing it subconsciously or something >.>
That last line makes me think you probably have low self esteem. On of my friends I've known for a very long time says things just like that. Just don't worry about it. Doesn't work for him, so it probably won't work for you either, but I can try.

Well then tell her you love hanging out with her, you think she's really pretty and ask her if she'd ever like you to bring her roses or ask her to a dance or something. :-)
Seems like a sound enough solution, but I'm still not sure how I'm ever going to be able to force myself to do it, as easy as it is...

I'm shy, but only around people i don't know. Once i get to know someone, i'm pretty outgoing. My shyness is not nearly as bad as it was when i was a kid. Back then if someone i didn't know even asked me a question, i wouldn't respond at all. Now, i won't be the first one to strike up a conversation with someone i don't know, but if they talk to me first, i have no problem reciprocating.

I'm the same way. My guy and I accidently sat beside each other and he introduced himself before I'd even talk to him, now we've had our first date and both our very first kiss. Our sort-of-second-date is tomorrow at a mardi gra parade for dogs and their owners. First time my dad and A's ever met too. Please, don't scare A, daddy. Pretty please, lol.

Back to the topic, if you know the person, just go up and ask if they wanna hangout sometime, talk about something inappropriot (?) and see if they bite, that's what mine does sometimes by accident and I'm down with it, but I like him, no, feel we're gonna grow up and get married :D
~WR~

16. And she is 17.

Well then tell her you love hanging out with her, you think she's really pretty and ask her if she'd ever like you to bring her roses or ask her to a dance or something. :-)

Then say you have to go run and get something or go do your homework (if it's not in person)... and leave her to think.

Hey, then you'll know what her answer will be. :-)

*typing issues

good advice for that age group. I wish I thought of that a few years back

I find it's key not to get too emotionally attached to whomever you're interested in before asking him/her out. If you go too far down that road, then you're probably never going to go any further because you'll always be too afraid of what will happen if he/she says no to ever ask them out. If you're interested in a person romantically, you can't become too close to them without professing your feelings, or you'll forever be too scared to take the risk.

Does that make sense?

I find it's key not to get too emotionally attached to whomever you're interested in before asking him/her out. If you go too far down that road, then you're probably never going to go any further because you'll always be too afraid of what will happen if he/she says no to ever ask them out. If you're interested in a person romantically, you can't become too close to them without professing your feelings, or you'll forever be too scared to take the risk.

Does that make sense?

Makes sense to me. Damn good advice too. I only wish I was better able to take it >.>

Well, you probably know it better as Riverdale. :)

I'm all kinds of downtown from you...
Kinda near NYU, but I'm not one of them.

I looked at some of your other posts...
My first job was doing trail maintance in the mountains... lots of bushwacking, hauling and pushing big rocks around, and occasionally carrying logs on my head up steep trails... for minimum wage.

Nothing compared to mining, but it certainly wasn't answering phones at Daddy's office or such things.

If you can respect that enough to be around me we might get a long. I don't think we'd argee on tons. But you have intelligent reasoning, which I can always respect. I'm a liberal slightly baffled by capitalism occasionally and I like to hear other peoples explanations of it because I'm not sure socialism is really any better of an answer.

The conversation wouldn't be dull at least.

Maybe we could meet somewhere in the middle sometime and hang out?

Shoot me a message via my "nation". I don't want to distract from helping the shy folks anymore than I have already.

Hrm, maybe I should just start a forum-puppet so I can stop being associated with my photo altogether :p
would you want too?

would you want to?

Well, it would mean people couldn't pull dirty esteem-boosting tricks like Cog did before :p
But nah, I like being Shaed... 'sgrown on me. I was just toying with the puppet idea for the sake of being silly ;).

And also, because I missed it before:
:) :fluffle:

:fluffle: :fluffle: ^.^

Well, it would mean people couldn't pull dirty esteem-boosting tricks like Cog did before :p
But nah, I like being Shaed... 'sgrown on me. I was just toying with the puppet idea for the sake of being silly ;).

And also, because I missed it before:


:fluffle: :fluffle: ^.^


You could always ask Erastide to remove your picture. She will if you ask. Then all anyone would be left with is their memory.

good advice for that age group. I wish I thought of that a few years back

I had a friend in high school who liked me and I liked him and neither one of us ever thought of anything like that at all. We kept in touch and he ended up IMing me my sophmore year of college, kind of drunk from Germany to tell me he wish he would have asked me out...

It was definetly both had a confidence problem.
But if he would have done something like that I would have gone out with him in about 5 seconds in high school. That regret-filled IM far after the fact was so sad to find out...
I could have been more ballsy too then, oh well. By then we were on totally different paths far apart from each other.
But I'm still the girl he never got to date...

Now he's engaged to a good lady and I'm far far away doing my own thing.

The Moral of the Story is: Do it now, you won't be in high school forever. (whether it goes well or poorly)

:-) At the very least when it's over and done with, you will have experince asking a girl out under your belt.

I find it's key not to get too emotionally attached to whomever you're interested in before asking him/her out. If you go too far down that road, then you're probably never going to go any further because you'll always be too afraid of what will happen if he/she says no to ever ask them out. If you're interested in a person romantically, you can't become too close to them without professing your feelings, or you'll forever be too scared to take the risk.

Does that make sense?
Well then I'm pretty screwed. I'll try to keep that in mind for the future, but I don't know how well I'll be able to heed it.

Well then I'm pretty screwed. I'll try to keep that in mind for the future, but I don't know how well I'll be able to heed it.

Well, just if you meet a girl, and you want to date her, don't prat around with the "I want to be friends" travishamockery. Because if it's not really what you want, if you really want to sleep with her, then it's lying to yourself and it's lying to her to just be friends. If you meet a girl and you like her, just don't misrepresent your intentions.

And, just to make it a little more interesting, for myself if no-one else, what methods do you use to overcome shyness? Especially with, say, asking someone out?
in highschool i was really bad.

but i made an effort to say hi to people i somewhat knew and to try to strike up one conversation a day. i'm still kinda shy and really don't feel like socializing all the time well, much of the time...

when it comes to asking someone out, there's no better way than to just go for it. you'll regret it more if you don't even try.

You could always ask Erastide to remove your picture. She will if you ask. Then all anyone would be left with is their memory.

Nehhh, if I wanted it down I'd just take it off photobucket. I think I'll leave up because I always like knowing what the people I talk to online look like... it only makes sense to return the favour.

Well then I'm pretty screwed. I'll try to keep that in mind for the future, but I don't know how well I'll be able to heed it.

You're not screwed!! Follow my advice!

You could wait forever for the "perfect situtuation"... if you really like the girl, try it! Who knows?... maybe she's been feeling the same way :)

To get slightly cheesy I'm going to quote Dave Matthews Band here,
"The Future is no place, to place your better days."

Just do it! :)

The worst that can happen is you getting the experince of telling a girl you like her at 16.

I know some guys in their mid-20s who still can't do it. That's so sad to me.

A little vulnerability is essential to learn how to show. ;)

(I think I'm rambling a bit... it's kinda late Eastern Standard Time...)
*late night typing gets bad

Gnostikos, check your nation's telegrams.
More personalized encouragement.
I'm going to sleep before I fall asleep typing.

She knows you're cool, You know she's cool.
Just Rock it, Bud. :)

*also maybe trying telling her when you aren't quite awake yet, are falling asleep or have just gone running or something of the sort...
You're body will be too tired, not awake, already good endorphin filled to be feel as gittery as usual.

After gym class? After practice? Before 1st period?

*ok, officially can't type. Good night all! And may everyone get over their shyness! :fluffle:

i am by no means am shy. i, however am very quiet. which is another thing all together.
i have found that shy, quiet, introvert types have the most personality to offer. i would rather talk to a guy with his face buried in a history book, rather than one who is the life of the party.
so, shy people on here. dont change too much. there are many who find it to be an attractive quality.

i am by no means am shy. i, however am very quiet. which is another thing all together.
i have found that shy, quiet, introvert types have the most personality to offer. i would rather talk to a guy with his face buried in a history book, rather than one who is the life of the party.
so, shy people on here. dont change too much. there are many who find it to be an attractive quality.

ha, well theres something i didnt know... i guess if shyness is attractive then i am the most attractive guy around.

ah i wish i could believe that. i have no doubt that your telling the truth, i just suppose that its hard to find people such as yourself. people who actually find the shyness attractive while still being attractive themselves.

ha, well theres something i didnt know... i guess if shyness is attractive then i am the most attractive guy around.

ah i wish i could believe that. i have no doubt that your telling the truth, i just suppose that its hard to find people such as yourself. people who actually find the shyness attractive while still being attractive themselves.
come here you little bastard :fluffle:

:D

i am by no means am shy. i, however am very quiet. which is another thing all together.
i have found that shy, quiet, introvert types have the most personality to offer. i would rather talk to a guy with his face buried in a history book, rather than one who is the life of the party.
so, shy people on here. dont change too much. there are many who find it to be an attractive quality.
Ah, so all I gotta do is sit tight, and sooner or later, a very fine lady will come up to me?

hey. you never know. but you have to leave the house...... :)

come here you little bastard :fluffle:

:D

ha, to SoCal? thats a hell of a walk and i have to beg for rides even to work....


i'll be there in about a month. :fluffle:

hey. you never know. but you have to leave the house...... :)
Great!




Uhh.... Where should I go first? :confused: :D

ha, to SoCal? thats a hell of a walk and i have to beg for rides even to work....


i'll be there in about a month. :fluffle:
you will driving soon, no doubt. providing you dont have any other accidents.

Great!




Uhh.... Where should I go first? :confused: :D

coffee shop. library. wherever, just get used to being out, so you wont appear to other people like you are never out. i hope that makes sense.

coffee shop. library. wherever, just get used to being out, so you wont appear to other people like you are never out. i hope that makes sense.
That makes perfect sense.

Well, I could try getting a job, but that might be difficult because I have a bad back... :(

Ah, screw Multiple Scoliosis! I walked 20 minutes with a 30-40 pound backpack! How's that for a bad back?! :smug-smug: :D

EDIT: although I doubt that that would impress a potential mate... :hmm:

you will driving soon, no doubt. providing you dont have any other accidents.

haha.. funny story actually... i sorta am 16, almost be 17, and i still dont have a permit. i can actually drive, save for the slight paranoia now, but im just to lazy.

i'll make it eventually. i may be lazy, but i am crafty.

That makes perfect sense.

Well, I could try getting a job, but that might be difficult because I have a bad back... :(

Ah, screw Multiple Scoliosis! I walked 20 minutes with a 30-40 pound backpack! How's that for a bad back?! :smug-smug: :D

EDIT: although I doubt that that would impress a potential mate... :hmm:

Perhaps not, but being in shape as a result of it would. :)

Just for the sake of argument, what if you're not interesting? What if you don't have ideas? I'm not saying that I am these things. But what if...
some people prefer to talk to a good listener or someone who will play with THEIR ideas.

too many people are in conversations not paying any attention to what the other person is saying, just waiting for an opening to say something about themselves. the person who actually listens and reacts to someone else is a person who makes friends.

ideas are a dime a dozen, a person who listens is worth his weight in gold.

some people prefer to talk to a good listener or someone who will play with THEIR ideas.

too many people are in conversations not paying any attention to what the other person is saying, just waiting for an opening to say something about themselves. the person who actually listens and reacts to someone else is a person who makes friends.

ideas are a dime a dozen, a person who listens is worth his weight in gold.


I agree with this competely. But a shy person needs to develop some higher level of self-confidence because the symptom of shyness has a root cause of lack of confidence amoung others.

I had a friend in high school who liked me and I liked him and neither one of us ever thought of anything like that at all. We kept in touch and he ended up IMing me my sophmore year of college, kind of drunk from Germany to tell me he wish he would have asked me out...

It was definetly both had a confidence problem.
But if he would have done something like that I would have gone out with him in about 5 seconds in high school. That regret-filled IM far after the fact was so sad to find out...
I could have been more ballsy too then, oh well. By then we were on totally different paths far apart from each other.
But I'm still the girl he never got to date...

Now he's engaged to a good lady and I'm far far away doing my own thing.

The Moral of the Story is: Do it now, you won't be in high school forever. (whether it goes well or poorly)

:-) At the very least when it's over and done with, you will have experince asking a girl out under your belt.

well after being set up, I went out with that girl, I gave her the confidence she needed to break my heart. yet neither of us would regret it as it was bound to happen, something was there from the moment we met.


ps after 5 years and little contact I still love her, any idea that can help me get over her, ive tried everything ive been out with other girls, the works nothing has helped

Well, it would mean people couldn't pull dirty esteem-boosting tricks like Cog did before :p
But nah, I like being Shaed... 'sgrown on me. I was just toying with the puppet idea for the sake of being silly ;).

but Cog is right you are beautiful, and smart to boot, I would ask you to marry me if I had the guts :D and the money

Yes, very. I have trouble talking to anyone who isn't a friend, I have very few friends, and I have trouble talking to my friends when other people are around.
As for asking girls, don't even go there. Even at my age (not telling, but I'm still in school) I've given up, because every girl bar one who I've asked has said no (disgustedly) and then gone off to sleep with one of my friends a week later (The other one said no disgustedly and then went off with someone who wasn't my friend a week later).
I guess its fairly safe to say that I have very little self-confidence.

:(

Or shiness, though that's not as common. But the question is whether you consider yourself to be a shy person.

And, just to make it a little more interesting, for myself if no-one else, what methods do you use to overcome shyness? Especially with, say, asking someone out?
im really quite shy. not to the point of being non-functional when thrown in with a group of people i dont know, but i would probably (and sometimes do) just sit there like a lemon too shy to say anything if i didn't know that we're all in the same boat not knowing each other so i get on with things. thats a work thing. socially, especially when its a group i dont know but who all know each other, i tend to not go in the first place or only stick with those i know. it kinda sucks.
as for asking a girl out... i never have cos im too shy ;) :headbang:

I'm shy around some people, loud around others. Shy in some situations, loud in others. Shy on some days, loud on others. I could go on but you get the idea. I change. Which is why I put 'kind of'.

Tips on asking her out.... I gave them to you on your other thread if I remember correctly....

i am by no means am shy. i, however am very quiet. which is another thing all together.
i have found that shy, quiet, introvert types have the most personality to offer. i would rather talk to a guy with his face buried in a history book, rather than one who is the life of the party.
so, shy people on here. dont change too much. there are many who find it to be an attractive quality.

...she says to the history major. ;);)

Because if it's not really what you want, if you really want to sleep with her, then it's lying to yourself and it's lying to her to just be friends. If you meet a girl and you like her, just don't misrepresent your intentions.
Alright. I'd just like to establish, however, that though I certain am not averse to the idea of sleeping with her, that is not why I want to go out with her at all. I am looking for the emotional side, not the physical. Though being physically closer to her is what I want, like hugging, but no the more...intense aspects of a physical relationship.

You're not screwed!! Follow my advice!

You could wait forever for the "perfect situtuation"... if you really like the girl, try it! Who knows?... maybe she's been feeling the same way :)
Well, I'm less waiting for the perfect situation as much as I'm waiting for the situation when I can actually force myself to ask. I'm not even too concerned about her response, I just want to get it over with. Hell, I'm actually a little more scared of her accepting than rejecting...:eek:

Gnostikos, check your nation's telegrams.
More personalized encouragement.
I'm going to sleep before I fall asleep typing.

She knows you're cool, You know she's cool.
Just Rock it, Bud. :)
Thanks!

Well, it would mean people couldn't pull dirty esteem-boosting tricks like Cog did before :p
You're forgetting something. I'm a Game Mod. I can see your puppets.

You can't get away from me! :p

--The Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester

I jest, of course. I wouldn't abuse my Game Mod powers to harass someone. If someone wants to play with a secret puppet and abides by the rules, then I'm not allowed to reveal their identity.

...

some people prefer to talk to a good listener or someone who will play with THEIR ideas.

too many people are in conversations not paying any attention to what the other person is saying, just waiting for an opening to say something about themselves. the person who actually listens and reacts to someone else is a person who makes friends.

ideas are a dime a dozen, a person who listens is worth his weight in gold.
I strongly agree with Ashmoria, here. If you have nothing to talk about, then ask your date questions about himself or herself (whichever pronoun applies).

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

some people prefer to talk to a good listener or someone who will play with THEIR ideas.

too many people are in conversations not paying any attention to what the other person is saying, just waiting for an opening to say something about themselves. the person who actually listens and reacts to someone else is a person who makes friends.

ideas are a dime a dozen, a person who listens is worth his weight in gold.
hey that sounds like me... many of my friends come to me & talk when they have a decision to make. i never know what to say about myself (nothing to say really) so i ask questions & prefer listening (and responding w/ advice or whatever). im a pretty shy & boring person but at least i have my uses... :(

... uh oh except here when i've taken a conversation and selfishly just injected a random piece of information about myself into it....oh god i dont know what to say now :confused: :confused:

Hey, I can be shy but it depends... im not quite sure what it depends on though. Generally i guess if i think someone will look down on me (judging by their clothes/friends... i know thats kinda shallow) then i'll go shy. Also i go more shy if someone starts talking to me than if i start talking to them... i'm pretty confident around people i know and large crowds just don't get me to talk in front of my class...

As for asking guys out i dono i guess i'd want the guy to ask me out... ;)

...she says to the history major. ;);)
*whistles*

*whistles*

Tis true. History with my concentration in classical history, specifically Roman history. But I doubt I'll graduate with the degree.

Tis true. History with my concentration in classical history, specifically Roman history. But I doubt I'll graduate with the degree.its allright, its the thought that counts. are you ready for tomorrow???? huh? huh?? YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It really depends on the situation. :)

Or shiness, though that's not as common. But the question is whether you consider yourself to be a shy person.

And, just to make it a little more interesting, for myself if no-one else, what methods do you use to overcome shyness? Especially with, say, asking someone out?
When it comes to asking someone out, I'm quite shy. But patient, fortunately, and confident enough to at least get to know guys as friends...

My natural instinct, in general, is to be pretty shy, although (perhaps contradictorily) I do like giving presentations and participating in class discussions.

And when I'm in a situation where I have to meet new people, I just bite the bullet and start up a conversation. And once the conversation gets going, I can relax quite a bit (it's just getting my foot in the door that scares me).