NationStates Jolt Archive

A friend of mine had this handed to her, this is it, word for word with obvious reasons for some edits.

January, 2005
Dear Parent/Guardian

Your student has advised us that they will not be attending the Senior Leadership Camp from Wednesday 2nd - Friday 4th February 2005.

As expressed on numerous occasions via information sent home and assembly announcements, it is our expectation that students will attend this camp as it focuses on issues such as teamwork and the Senior Committee system which are important to students as they enter their senior year.

Students have also been informed that those who do not attend the camp will still be required to attend school or a school approved activity for that period, as it is still mandated school time.

In order to facilitate this requirment, please complete and sign the reverse of this letter to clearly explain why your student is unable to attend camp. You will also find a blank contract (addressed to *name edit*) attached to this letter that your student must complete after approaching teachers of their choice. This contract explains what they will be during camp to gain leadership skills, including:

* Why they are not attending the camp.
* A clear description of how they are going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through the camp.
* A clear explanation of how they are going to contribute to the school as a senior and in a committee during 2005.
* A clear plan of what they are going to do during the three days of camp. (This may include a contract to assist a teacher in class or other staff members as a MATE *edit note: to help younger kiddies with work* during the three days.)

It then goes on to say how you must provide a medical certificate if you are absent and to see the principal blah blah blah blah blah.

Here is the form on the back as it reads:

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
_____________________________

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by ________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
_____________________

* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by ________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
______________

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here) ________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
_______


Have you ever seen anything that is as wanky as this in your entire life? Help me give her some very sarcastic answers to this form, she'll appreciate it. I've given her some base points for the 'detailed plan' which goes:

Day One
Eat, Sleep, Drink

Day Two
Prepare funeral arrangements

Day Three
Commit Jihad against school for being so bloody annoying!

[Moderator Edit - Cogitation] You're lines were stretching window width. [/modedit]

Is it an out of school thing? because if it isnt, thats a shitload of paperwork to sift thru for a mere excusal.

Day 3: It wont be a Jihad unless it conflicts with a religious belief. If its moral or political, just call it an Intifada

Classmates___| ___YOU
:confused: :( :rolleyes: :confused: _ :sniper:

<modsnip>

Three little unprovable words.

I.

WAS.

SICK.

:D

Nausea bad enough that they couldn't be taken to a doctor, but not serious enough that a doctor had to be called. ;)

[Moderator Edit - Cogitation] Don't quote a windowstretcher, please. [/modedit]

Man that is the dumbest thing I've ever seen come out of a school, aside from kids. And I thought my school was a bureaucratic morass... that's just ridiculous!

'How am I going to develop the team-building skills I would have gotten had I been on the course?' What the hell? Oh, I'll be leading a crack team of Swiss Guards at the Vatican. Morons.

I've just gotten up so I can't think of anything at the moment, but sarcastic replies to letters are a specialty of mine and one of my mates. I'll get back to you if I remember.

It's a camp, so yes it's out of school

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because

I'm allergic to tents and team spirit

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by /[b]

Getting a job.

[b]* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by

Doing the same things that previous seniors have done

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)

Helping the poor, the unfortunate and planning a social revolution.

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because my mother has become a zombie and I must remain at home to care for her. Also, my father is a vampire, so I need to be there for him in case of unruly peasant mobs

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by Getting a part time job as a communist pirate. Not only will I build team skills through communicating with equals about matters such as sailing navigation and loot sharing, but also in such important areas as throat-cutting and wench-snatching

* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by Keeping my murderous hatred of higher members to myself. Possibly even to the extent of not actively plotting their demise. I'll also make a clear effort not to kill in animals that resemble the school mascot

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here) Eat cheese. Torture monkeys. Communicate with the gnomes under my bed, possibly enslaving them. Remove a stake from my fathers heart (or rather, the area where peasants always assume the heart is - it's actually rather further to the left), and then using blood and moonlight to return him to his natural state. Various murders and political assasinations (which I will of course provide written scripts for).

that's just ridiculous! 'How am I going to develop the team-building skills I would have gotten had I been on the course?' What the hell? Oh, I'll be leading a crack team of Swiss Guards at the Vatican. Morons.

I've just gotten up so I can't think of anything at the moment, but sarcastic replies to letters are a specialty of mine and one of my mates.

LOFL True. Sarcasm is likely my #1 trait, if not, then second to my anti-Israel/anyone who supports them attitude

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because

you would not let me.

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by

getting together with a group of people that have more brain cells than your entire camp population.

* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by

not showing up and allowing the meeting to go on without me.

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)

I can tell you, but I would have to kill you.

OK, I've got a (sorta) sensible reply worked out.

Here is the form on the back as it reads:

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because

It conflicts with my personal ideas on teamwork. There is an I in team, and that's because you like camps like this instead of proper schoolwork.

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by

Forming a very noisy protest about this social engineering.

* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by

Being the voice of loud, obnoxious dissent. For democracy is fuelled by the hecklers.

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)

Working out how best to form said protest. (Day the Firsteth)

Preparing the materials needed. (Day the Secondeth)

Throwing that out the window, getting my friends together, and removing all tyres from cars in the school carpark.

This will prove my organisational abilities, willingness to adapt, and team-making and handling abilities.

;)

Answer them all with "If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because

My stomach would rupture from spewing so much, putting up with your fuckin faces

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by

Running a drug ring inside school and at the bus stop

* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by

Hooking the English teachers up with the weed they need, mon!

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)

Fuckin' YO MAMA

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)

Fuckin' YO MAMA

That last bit wasn't very detailed. I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to redo it. ;)

That last bit wasn't very detailed. I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to redo it. ;)
Its not supposed to target anyone, its just sarcasm

Heres another one:

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)

Smokin PCP................................................................................................. ..


No seriously, once you do that, thats your 3 days right there

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)

Fuckin' YO MAMA

That's not good because... well my friend's a girl... although it would make an interesting conversation

Its not supposed to target anyone, its just sarcasm

^_o

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because

Because it is my choice and I choose not attend because I think it is a waste of time and money for the minimal leadership and lifeskills the course attempts to teach.

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by

Realising I actually exist and taking advantage of that by learning what I need to get to exist with a greater presence.

[b]* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by

As we live in a 'free' country I choose not to participate in any committee activities.

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)

I will be doing some thing worthwhile with myself; I will be getting ahead in classwork and expanding my knowledge and skills. To make up for missing out on learning teamwork skills I will be getting a temporary job where I will be able to make some money to thurther myself in life and gain far more useful skills including leadership based skills.


Excuse the screw ups.... im tired
probably not a very good idea though..... could just try saying you have hemeroids?

*I'm unable to visit camp because I am so busy designing the "GO TEAM!" extravaganza...we plan on a green & red theme that boosts our school spirit & community standards. How can I leave when there is so much to be done for the tsunami relief & blood drive? Our football team neads support!
*I know team skills are learned by my dedication to church & local "adopt a poor child" program...I live to be part of our "PEP" group (Perk Everyone, People!). A smile is our umbrella...may no rain fall. (Smiles).
*We need to see our underclass kin as "real" people, I'll work night & day to make sure that the "less" in our world feel "More". Up with little people!
*During the 3 days: I'll be making flower floats for Homecoming, selling lapel pins for the chear squad & scrubbing all the negative grafitti from the school walls -and writing chearful notes like, "hang in there, tiger! grrrr...!". GO Cats!
:D

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because
I don't want to be molested by peers inside my tent (also, because all your base are belong to us) - oh, and I'm not a mindless drone that enjoys these dumb "bonding" exercises. Plus, I will be coincidentially sick those three days

I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by
Working on teh school paper - oh wait, I already do that!

I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by
Plotting to overthrow this oppressive activity in favor of a dictatorship of the proletariat

During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)
Trying to think of a good excuse to write here


Commit Jihad against school for being so bloody annoying!
Jihad scream! AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I am unable to attend the senior camp because
My religion dictates that camps are the source of all evil. If I was to go to this camp, I would be forced to incinerate it with atomic fire.

I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by
Leading a crusade of my fellow anticampians against the camp.

I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by
Destroying above camp.

During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)
Stockpiling explosives, rifles, and assorted impliments of destruction. On the third day me and my team will procede from cabin to cabin, setting fire to them and liberating our fellow students.
Once this is accomplished the remaining councilors and camp staff will be locked in one of the portable toilets, which will then be set on fire.
At this point, we will raise the flag of revolution, and begin to attack other camps, gathering members to our cause as we annihilate the forced camp menace!
VIVA LA REVOLUTION!


Seriously, is it just me, or are camp councilors always:
a. Condescending jack offs
b. Cynical morons
c. Slavering idiots
d. Pedophiles
???

Seriously, is it just me, or are camp councilors always:
a. Condescending jack offs
b. Cynical morons
c. Slavering idiots
d. Pedophiles
???


e. a jar of almonds

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because my mother has become a zombie and I must remain at home to care for her. Also, my father is a vampire, so I need to be there for him in case of unruly peasant mobs

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by Getting a part time job as a communist pirate. Not only will I build team skills through communicating with equals about matters such as sailing navigation and loot sharing, but also in such important areas as throat-cutting and wench-snatching

* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by Keeping my murderous hatred of higher members to myself. Possibly even to the extent of not actively plotting their demise. I'll also make a clear effort not to kill in animals that resemble the school mascot

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here) Eat cheese. Torture monkeys. Communicate with the gnomes under my bed, possibly enslaving them. Remove a stake from my fathers heart (or rather, the area where peasants always assume the heart is - it's actually rather further to the left), and then using blood and moonlight to return him to his natural state. Various murders and political assasinations (which I will of course provide written scripts for).
Wow.
Shaed is both
a)really attractive and
b) really funny

Here are some possible answers:

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because
- it sucks.

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by
- playing co-operative multiplayer video games.

* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by
- not bringing firearms to school.

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)
- doing something much more enjoyable.

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because

It would interfere with my scheduled cult activities.

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by

Running my cult. As charismatic leader, my skills in that area are already strong.

* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by

Starting cult activities on school property, giving students an alternative cult to chritianity.



* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)

I'm afraid I will draw the ire of the ATF if I give any further details.

hah im glad I dont live in america and have to put up with stupid camp councelers....... not that I would any way cause I have finished school.

Gah, I hate this whole "team-bulding" junk. All it really did in my school was teach the more cunning students the weakness of the others, which was a bit of a problem in that it meant everybody got the shit kicked out of them. I don't see a point to this "team-building", as kids that went through school before they started doing this came out just fine.

What I would have done is drawn a big yellow smilie face on it with crayons and mailed it back to them in an envelope full of pebbles. Then again, that's just me.

hah im glad I dont live in america and have to put up with stupid camp councelers....... not that I would any way cause I have finished school.
It seems to have done your spelling, capitalization, and punctuation a world of good too. I guess I am glad I didn't go to school in New Zealand.

LOL there is nothing wrong with NZ schools i am just lazy and i hardly done shit in school so i didnt really learn too much. BIG DEAL GET OVER YOURSELF.

Over myself? Are you parodizing yourself with this:
i hardly done shit in school so i didnt really learn too much.
I was mostly making a joke, but now I am genuinely concerned...

lol I dont mind about... having less education that other people because I lean more towards physical work and I enjoy it far more.
I seem to get decent pay too so im not complaining.

lol I dont mind about... having less education that other people because I lean more towards physical work and I enjoy it far more.
I seem to get decent pay too so im not complaining.
Good for you. I wasn't meaning to attack you, sorry if it came across that way.

Just say you're going and vacation and with a friend and you'll work as a team for some reason and gain "valuable leadership experience".

hah tis okk I didnt quite see it like that... but still

Long live the donkey cheese..

Dear School,
your newsletter has informed me that camp is an important part of the school curriculum, and yet it appears that you might expect me to pay for this portion of my free education. Also I note there is no provision to ensure my return to school at the end of each camp day, which implies that part of this camp takes place outside of mandated school hours.
In order to better facilitate my leader-ship skills, and also in anticipation of my future career as an ambulance chasing lawyer, I have decided to sue the school for not providing free (no charge) teaching of the important leader ship skills taught on this camp, during normal school hours. Please find attached my contract explaining my intended schedule for completing this self developed educational plan, to give you a clearer idea of how I will spend the mandated school hours, for the duration of the camp.

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because
_Actually I can, but suing is both more profitable and more fun.

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by
Bankrupting the school through expensive litigation

* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by
My law suite will greatly alleviate the work of the senior committe, in fact it will emilinate their role and the school itself entirely...by the time I'm through the school will no longer be 'economically viable' and I'll be sipping pinacoladas on a tropical beach...

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)
Starting court proceedings, arranging demonstrations outside the school grounds, carrying out media stunts, and generally carrying on in a hysterical, and thus media generating fashion.

I understand that I am supposed to full out this form having approached a teacher, although I have approached every teacher in this school, for some reason or another, none were willing to endorse it. :confused:

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because
I do not enjoy socialising with my peers because they are a bunch of retards who hate me.

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by
Playing lots of rainbow six and reading about squad based tactics.

* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by
Offering to supply the alcohol for my school prom. (After Prom parties not included)

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)
Day One: Wake up, this will likely involve my alarm clock ringing. Once this has occured I will pull back my covers and get out of bed, shortly to be followed by taking a leak. Soon after I will shower and get dressed, maybe have a bit of toast and fruit or some serial.

After this I guess I might aswell go to school. Once I get there I'll run throught he halls screaming and watching porn in the AV Lab. When that gets boring or I run out of tapes I might go on a few IRC websites offering local account passwords and a free crate of beer to anyone that buggers up the school network.

For lunch I'll go to the cafeteria and eat some of the generic soylent product that you call "food" there.

After lunch, I was thinking I might do a little astronomy by trying to spot mercury through my closed eyelids and sunglasses, stretched out on a towel on the sports field.

After school is none of your business. Blow me.

Day 2.

Probably the same as day 1.

Day 3.

The same as day one. I will however go through the halls on free periods taping death threats to the lockers of people who hate me. This is just for shits and giggles however, don't panic.

This all great stuff, keep it coming :)

This is going about school, so it should interest me, but the posts are to long for my puny brains.
You people probable did well on essays and all that.

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because
That's when they will get me. As long as stay close to my home with my top secret equipment they can't track me. I simply can't attend senior camp because they will get me.

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by
Teamskills are just a way of lowering your defence. They invented teams and started all this talk about "teamskills". First they want you to learn these "teamskills", then they expect you to be in a "team" and before you know it, they are disguised as one of your teammembers and stab you in the back.

* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by
Publishing a book about Them to warn the rest of the world.

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)

I can't tell you, because they will be reading this.

Day 1. Planning Fatwar against the education system

Day 2. Building-up arms in order to fight

Day 3. FULL-ON WAR!!!

Day 1. Planning Fatwar against the education system
"Fatwar"?
What is that supposed to mean?

"Fatwar"?
What is that supposed to mean?

A Fatwar is a holy war

A Fatwar is a holy war
Maybe you're looking for the word fatwa or jihad?

Maybe you're looking for the word fatwa or jihad?
Fatwa is more of a religious edict...

Fatwa is more of a religious edict...

Alright then, Jihad

I'm immediately struck by the irony and/or hypocricy in forcing people to attend a leadership building camp...

I'd just tell them that you plan to exercise your leadership skills by simply not being a follower...

Besides, if everyone goes to this leadership camp, then everyone will be a leader... There will be "too many chiefs, and not enough indians" at the school if this occurs...

You are only doing your part to help the balance between leaders and those being lead by abstaining from becoming a leader...

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because
I am a member of the high school Army ROTC
* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by
Attending ROTC training
* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by
Showing civilian wankers how things get done in the military

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)
Raid the civilian camp, kill all the men, rape all the women, and burn the camp to the ground.

* I am unable to attend the senior camp because
I do not enjoy socialising with my peers because they are a bunch of retards who hate me.

* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by
Playing lots of rainbow six and reading about squad based tactics.

* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by
Offering to supply the alcohol for my school prom. (After Prom parties not included)

* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)
Day One: Wake up, this will likely involve my alarm clock ringing. Once this has occured I will pull back my covers and get out of bed, shortly to be followed by taking a leak. Soon after I will shower and get dressed, maybe have a bit of toast and fruit or some serial.

After this I guess I might aswell go to school. Once I get there I'll run throught he halls screaming and watching porn in the AV Lab. When that gets boring or I run out of tapes I might go on a few IRC websites offering local account passwords and a free crate of beer to anyone that buggers up the school network.

For lunch I'll go to the cafeteria and eat some of the generic soylent product that you call "food" there.

After lunch, I was thinking I might do a little astronomy by trying to spot mercury through my closed eyelids and sunglasses, stretched out on a towel on the sports field.

After school is none of your business. Blow me.

Day 2.

Probably the same as day 1.

Day 3.

The same as day one. I will however go through the halls on free periods taping death threats to the lockers of people who hate me. This is just for shits and giggles however, don't panic.

YEAH!!!! :mp5: :sniper: :gundge:

Well, if senior camp was anything like it was when I was at school, the only possible responses as follows:
* I am unable to attend the senior camp because
The thought of spending 72 hours non-stop with my teachers and fellow students is likely to drive me into a psychotic rage or at minimum a depressive downward spiral that will result in increasing dependence on alcohol and drugs during the remainder of the school year.
* I am going to acquire the team skills that would have been developed through this camp by
As I developed absolutely NO team skills at camp, I find this question totally impossible to answer.
* I will contribute as a senior and as a member of the committee during 2005 by
sneaking off during lunch hour and drinking very cheap and extremely nasty vodka and spending the afternoon hiding down the back trying not to fall asleep.
Also spend the first 3 days of the week talking about what we got up to last weekend (who got drunk, who scored etc etc) and the last two days talking about what we will do next weekend (where we will get drunk, who will we try to score etc etc).
* During the three days of camp, I will be (provide a detailed plan here)
sneaking off during the night and getting stoned and/or drunk and spending the day desperately (but to no avail :( ) trying to score.
Also watching the married teacher couple get all upset and leave early when their pet golden retriever they brought along ran happily off a cliff and killed itself.

I actually approve of this form. It's brought all these NS posters so much fun…