NationStates Jolt Archive


Ted Kennedy Helps the Community!

Johnny Wadd
28-01-2005, 17:18
Ted Kennedy is a heck of a man for doing this. Maybe we can all look upon him as an inspiration to do volunteer work of our own!


TED KENNEDY GIVES FREE DRIVING LESSONS TO POOR TEENS!


By MICHAEL FORSYTH

Super-compassionate liberal Senator Ted Kennedy is one of the richest politicians in America, but he's quietly giving back -- by teaching poor inner-city teens to drive, free of charge!

That's the surprising revelation of a clergyman who coordinates the program, based in a community center in Washington, D.C.

"Teddy doesn't charge these kids a dime and doesn't take any credit," reveals Father Bryan MacKelly. "He volunteers his time on the down-low -- he doesn't really want the media to make a big deal about his personal generosity.

"He told me, 'Safe driving is a skill every young American deserves to have -- not just the rich.' "

The bighearted Massachusetts senator drives himself to the community center in an unobtrusive old Pontiac he uses to give the free one-hour lessons.

"He comes and goes without waiting for thanks, like the Lone Ranger," Fr. MacKelly marvels.

When the roly-poly, silver-haired politician first showed up and was introduced as the new driving instructor, the high-schoolers -- ages 16 to 18 -- were shocked.

"Who's the weird fat dude?" one youth asked.

After Fr. MacKelly introduced him as Ted Kennedy, the teens were even more awestruck.

"It's the dude who got assassinated, y'all," another youth whispered.

Fr. MacKelly hastily explained that it was Ted's older brother, President John F. Kennedy, who was murdered in Dallas.

Lakwanda, 17, was one of the first pupils to go for a spin with the legendary lawmaker.

"At first, I was real nervous, 'cause pulling out from the curb, Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant," she recalls. "He laughed and apologized and told me it had been a while since he did his own driving.

"But once he put me behind the wheel, he was real cool. He kept telling stories about the old days and famous people he'd met, like Bob Dylan and Fidel Castro.

"I didn't know who they were, but I liked that he was so friendly."

The senator, who was involved in the infamous 1969 Chappaquiddick car accident in which a young woman drowned, makes no attempt to downplay the tragedy during lessons. Instead, he uses the incident as a cautionary tale.

"Some of you may be a little scared of driving," he tells the youngsters. "Well you should be. One momentary lapse of attention, breaking one 'minor' traffic rule and you or a loved one could wind up dead."

The senator has been giving lessons since February, when he ran into Fr. MacKelly at a charitable function.

"I was telling Teddy about some of our programs," the pastor remembers. "When I mentioned we had two volunteer driving instructors and were looking for a third, his eyes lit up."
Whispering Legs
28-01-2005, 17:20
I learned to drive from Ted. Always remember, if you're in an accident that involves a fatality, call your lawyer first and work out your story.

That, and if you're girlfriend is giving you head, and you end up losing control of the vehicle, she's going to get her head stuck under the steering wheel. Make sure that you stop the vehicle before attempting anything sexual.
Drunk commies
28-01-2005, 17:27
Just make sure they don't have to cross any bridges during the lesson.
Whispering Legs
28-01-2005, 18:06
There were some Kennedy children who used to come down to stay in McLean, VA in the late 1960s and early 1970s.

They would drive up and down the road in their convertible and throw beer bottles at oncoming cars.

If you reported them, the police would advise you to drop the issue. Then the police would conduct an on-site inspection of your car and give you a ticket.

They were never charged with anything.
Myrmidonisia
28-01-2005, 18:44
Teddy and driving lessons! How funny. Probably to everyone but the Kopechne family, that is.

Why is this man still in office? This is the guy people ought to point at when they criticize the US government.

Something like, "How can your government be so egalitarian when a guy like Teddy is still a Senator, not a felon?" Huh?