NationStates Jolt Archive

http://www.bash.org/?random

This is an incredibly funny site. Click random, let the fun begin, and share your fave quotes! I start.

<Saiy> Pringles is the new masturbation fad
<Splat> Which must mean that Pringles is AKIN to...
<Splat> ...
<Splat> CANNED SEX!
<Ed> Pringles is the new masturbation?
<Ed> I guess now it's "Once you pop the fun stops"

"<High`> its ko myabe uoy cuodl noe dya"
Whiskey.
Tango.
Foxtrot.

<][blah][> i mean, are there any downloadble cd burners?, or do you need hardware?

:D

<GladX> holy
<Azhrarn> moly
<GladX> a cloud just flew into my house
<GladX> !!!
<@sdodson> cloud?
<Azhrarn> we call that "fog"
<GladX> yes, one of those white puffy things
<TheWeasel> neat.
<GladX> my house was experiencing turbulence!
<TheWeasel> invite it to have coffee.
<Azhrarn> poke it with a stick!
<Azhrarn> A POKING stick!
<@sdodson> Are you atop something tall enough to put you up where clouds live?
<GladX> Azhrarn: it was a cloud
* TheWeasel sics Mr. Madsen on Azhrarn.
<GladX> either it was a cloud or a new string of attack fog
<TheWeasel> maybe it was car exhaust.
<GladX> strain
<GladX> there goes another one
<GladX> i'm watching clouds zip by my house!
<TheWeasel> take pictures.
<Azhrarn> Mmm... Attack Fog
<@sdodson> It was a cloud!!!!
* sdodson giggles
<Azhrarn> What will the Russians come up with next?

"* auslandr pokes lint in the eye
<EigenLint> no poking.
* auslandr stabs lint in the eye
<auslandr> better?"

:p

<NekkidBibleMan> Now on fox: When Naked Men Read The Bible (2)

<ducks> HOLY SHIT
<ducks> THAT WAS A MILKSHAKE?!?!?!?!
<ducks> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
<ducks> og my god. that was disgusting.
<ducks> I had this cup on my desk
<ducks> for a few months
<ducks> thinking there was soda in it
<ducks> IT WAS A MILKSHAKE

<@Greg> how do i start apps automatically when i log into os x?
<@desnarf> hit it with a hammer
<@desnarf> but you need a robot arm for it to happen automatically

<quacky> if you get carpal tunnel from giving handjobs, can you still get L&I from work?
<Captain_Tenille> Depends if it's job related, I guess.
<Buggy> hmmm... if the handjobs are for managers, maybe
<geekie> technically...you just have to give the handjob at work.
<geekie> and then management is responisble for said handjob
<Buggy> well, it's not really in my job description.. but maybe it's in yours
<geekie> no..if the accident occurs in the workplace, they are liable.
<Buggy> right, so if it's an accidental handjob...
<quacky> that's what I'm talking about.
<Buggy> or an accident occurs while doing the handjob
<quacky> only we're talking about handjob-related injuries
<geekie> right.

<briancuz>My mom is ashamed of me because i'm not an alterboy. My dads ashamed of me because i'm not a football star
<sswoop182>sooooooo............Tackle a priest

:p

<Mutiny-> "large explosion in downtown jerusalem, two cats scared, houseplant shaken and dropped onto floor, israelis occupy palestinian owned areas, 12 palestinians dead in retalitory missle attacks"



haha :D

Jammer sticks a pistol up Meeko's butt and shoots a few rounds into her.
<Meeko> NO! MY GERBILS!
Meeko cries as gerbils plop out

<geist> watching the Bridges of Madison County always evokes a lot of emotions in me
<p_digga> is vomit an emotion?

longislandicedtea: What about New Jersey? It has all the glamour of NYC with half the price
BarbiefromBR: whats in jersey
longislandicedtea: Nothing
longislandicedtea: Toxic waste

<Orajim> I was in the bathroom today and written above one of the urinals said "The joke isn't on the wall, it's in your hands"
<Orajim> I never felt so small in my life.

<Doc> ok... kitchens clean, bathrooms clean
<Doc> thats the two easiest to clean rooms of the house done...
<cactoid> is that because you always eat out and you never shower?

<@redium> i have never had a condom break on me ever
<@redium> maybe the gas-station generic glow in the dark ones break.. but real ones dont
<+elf> ...glow in the dark ones...?
<+elf> how can you misplace your penis so badly that you need for it to glow?
<@redium> its the entertainment factor, not the visibility factor
<+elf> i see...

<CoderMan> kritical, you are dumber than a dead rock
<matts> dead rock
<matts> umm
<matts> CoderMan news flash
<matts> rocks can't live

<gh5046> beep boop beep boop beep beep boop
<skrike> thats right r2 we're going to cloud city

<barbye> wtf is this
<barbye> teh purpose
<barbye> WHAT IS THE PURPOSE
<barbye> IN LIFE
<bass_freak> There is no purpose in life... =(
<barbye> i know SO WHAT R WE DOING
<barbye> LETS ALL KILL OURSELVES
<johnny69> mhmm.. ok
<bass_freak> good idea!
* barbye bbl, [SUICIDE]
* johnny69 bbl, [SUICIDE]
* bass_freak bbl, [SUICIDE]

This site is great

<dav^> uncola: man im in big fuckin trouble
<dav^> uncola: help
<uncola> dav^: what did you do?
<dav^> i haxed my schools web page and i accidentally used my friends login/pass
<dav^> and they fucking looked at the log, bastards
<uncola> haha

<Ferney> I think the clog is bonged
<Ferney> LOL
<Ferney> whoa...I think the BONG is CLOGGED

* RatWork hands Matt^^^ the cluephone
(RatWork) it's for you

<Rhombus> US investigators say they have seen neither bodies nor graves while examining a civilian site in central Afghanistan, allegedly targeted by US warplanes earlier this week.
<Rhombus> That sounds like:
<Rhombus> Fox investigators say there is no proof that any henhouses have been raided by foxes.

<slippy^> i am evi|
<mr-cow> what you done now?
<slippy^> well
<slippy^> i had a thought.
<slippy^> sat on my desk is a "clients" pc
<slippy^> would it be wrong of me to install something that screwed it every few months, thus insuring work?
* slippy^ installs win98

Narbus clicks his heels
Narbus clicks his heels
Narbus clicks his heels
Narbus has quit IRC (QUIT: User exited)

<cygnus> oi
<cygnus> in windows
<cygnus> what it mean
<cygnus> if the folder has a hand underneaath it
<Sephiroth> means it is shared
<Sephiroth> across your network
<cygnus> how did you know that
<cygnus> i thought it meant itwas heavy
<cygnus> or something
<cygnus> like
<cygnus> it's got 10 gigs in it

<Ryutaro> I liked it when things were simple
<Ryutaro> gravity wasnt known
<Ryutaro> things stuck to the earth because they loved it

<+Link-> <skitzm> i have a serious prob with my quake 3 please helP!
<+Link-> why do people instintively pm me for help on q3?
<+Link-> i have a serious problem with my q3 as well
<+Link-> it sucks.

<ScratGOD> dude some guy was fucking me in the ass last night and reached around and grabbed my cock. I got up and said "what the fuck, do you think im gay or something?"


<hakan> mine is bent upwards but the base points down
<hakan> its like a plant trying to grow to get more sunlight
<helminthes> yeah except it's your weiner
<hakan> but theres moss on it

<ScratGOD> dude some guy was fucking me in the ass last night and reached around and grabbed my cock. I got up and said "what the fuck, do you think im gay or something?"
:confused:

Umm, yeah, okay then...

<@sub> wow my uncle is a moron
! +Washu points ot at chr
<@sub> he got a pirated copy of WinXP and it wasent working good
<@sub> so he calls customer support..

<BobInDaShadows> It's been my life goal to have a quote on bash
<BobInDaShadows> That and to meet somebody from Wyoming.
<Keiser> Why Wyoming?
<BobInDaShadows> Have YOU ever met somebody from Wyoming?
<Keiser> Good point

<random_monkey> "UPS" - that's the noise they make when they drop your parcels

<Naivete> hey joe, if you suck at UO pvp, SAY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
<Kiler> rofl
*** Joe_ is now known as Imkillingyou
*** Imkillingyou is now known as nexttimeiseeyou

<psmylie> the man's an idiot. he tried for three years to beat tetris because I told him there was an end boss.

@j0hn: haha
@j0hn: 35 trojans
j0hn quit (formatting)

<Legalize-> [MP3] Pink Floyd - Who Let the Dogs Out

<alphageek> "are you currently alive? [ ] yes, [ ] no"
<Help747> X
<Help747> er
<Help747> X
<Help747> X
<Help747> X
<Help747> X
<alphageek> lol. this isn't pin the tail on the donkey
<Help747> X X

:confused:

Umm, yeah, okay then...

That's what I thought, but it made me laugh. :p


** ragum sets mode: +b *!*@Baseball.conversation
<mrclean> guerrero is the best hitter in baseball
<ragum> excuse me
<ragum> didn't I just ban baseball talk?
<ragum> I could've sworn I did
*** HighChief sets mode: +b *!*@fat.ass.chicks
<HighChief> Didn't I just ban all american females?
<HighChief> I could have sworn i did
<Atlantic`> ROFL

<Ouroboros> Has anyone ever logged into dev0n's FTP?
<Affe> ouro: that some kind of sexual innuendo?
<xpander> is that a euphemism?
<Ouroboros> Possibly
<Ouroboros> Shhh
<Ouroboros> I try to be subtle about these things.
<Affe> in that case, i 'log into dev0ns ftp' all the time
<Ouroboros> Yeah, she gave me her "login" but she won't reply to my "/msgs"
<Affe> dude i had 'sex' with her in the 'butt' the other day
<Affe> oh wait
<Affe> we're being subtle

<xShaitanx> does anyone have yahoo msgner cause this chick is dpoing something with dildos u wana see
<cvz> she using them to make a cake ?

<spikeo> a part of me wishes everyone could have seen that
<spikeo> and another part of me doesnt
<spikeo> ok i have really itchy pubic wig atm (not lice, before you ask)
<spikeo> so i tried my clippers on it
<Gecko`> that part being your ELBOW
<spikeo> didn't realise they don't *do* long hairs
<spikeo> and my fucking shaver got tangled to my crotch
<spikeo> and was trying to kill me
<Emmeh> rofl
<Rel^Slacking> lol
<spikeo> i was like bicentennial man
<spikeo> or kryten trailing his groinal attachments
<spikeo> i can laugh now
<spikeo> but
<spikeo> NO BABIES FOR ME
<spikeo> :'(
<Rel^Slacking> Thats prolly a good thing

<Luco13> If we lose Napster...I will lose my mp3's??"

*** Chimerasame is now known as MissScarlet
<Foxworth> ...
<Foxworth> must...
<Foxworth> resist...
<Foxworth> urge...
*** Foxworth is now known as MrGreen
*** Signoff: MissScarlet (Killed (MrGreen (in the ballroom with the knife)))

<`dsx-efnex> yeah counterfeiting canadian money is about as useful as cloning the french

<GaNja> anyone here good at setting up video cards?
<Blue> nope, im horrible at it myself, so bad in fact i dont even havea video card
<GaNja> oh
<GaNja> that sucks

mr_eh: what looks better on a degree
mr_eh: Pasquale Mosso
mr_eh: Pasquale J Mosso
mr_eh: Pasquale Joseph Mosso
mr_eh: i think just the J
acquacow: thats your name?
acquacow: no wonder people hate you
mr_eh: =(

<DjShoryu> one time my friend got so drunk he thought legos were candy
<buttonsDIE> you mean like he ate them?
<DjShoryu> no, hes an artist
<DjShoryu> he built an apple , then ate it


<saint_> i should masturbate
<saint_> but like
<saint_> my sister lives with me
<Agent_069> hahaha
<Agent_069> who needs masturbation when you have a sister? :P


<Benco> I'M ALL AnGSTY NOW!
<Benco> DAMN MY SOCIAL LIFE!
<zamros> WHY
<Benco> I'M HAVING WOMEN PROBLEMS!
<Siarin> Benco: Joy to the fucking world!
<zamros> I'M HAVING WOMEN PROBLEMS TOO
<Siarin> Stupid people. =(
<zamros> THE PROBLEM IS NONE OF THEM WILL FUCK ME

<Slime> Smearing your weiner in dog food and going over to Rex does not count as losing your virginity
<Slime> Trust me, I should know
<Slime> You should have seen the faces at the hospital when I asked where the "Ward for People Who Have Had Their Penises Chewed On By Dogs"

<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances :D-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

<saint_> i should masturbate
<saint_> but like
<saint_> my sister lives with me
<Agent_069> hahaha
<Agent_069> who needs masturbation when you have a sister? :P
Ummm...
yeah....

This site rules so much. :D

<Ross> What are they naming the bastard child?
<Tiffany> she wants to call the baby Rochel if it's a girl
<Ross> hooker name
<Tiffany> and they will probably name it Vampire Hunter D if it's a boy
<Ross> I'd name my kid something totally badass, regardless of the sex
<Ross> Like
<Ross> Tyranocore
<Ross> Or Vader

<joshua_> C ECE DBRY AOT URP YDAY TCBE RU YRPYGP.!
<joshua_> BRYDCBI CO ,RPYDF RU YDAY TCBE UR YRPYGP.!
<joshua_> AaAAAAAAAAAAAAAACC.............................!
<joshua_> AND FUCK YOU TOO MR. DVORAK

<BobDole> i'm not the real bob dole
<BobDole> but.. i'm just on this nick
<T`karthon> ohh
<Nija_work> had me fooled
<T`karthon> thanks for clearing that up for us

* SilverH|Work is now known as SilverHorse
<SilverHorse> OMFG
<SilverHorse> I HELD MY DAMN DIAHREA ALL DAMN DAY
<SilverHorse> THEN I JUST GOT HOME
<SilverHorse> IT WAS LIKE FUCKING HIROSHIMA
<SilverHorse> I mean jesus
<SilverHorse> you could hear the splash across the house
<SilverHorse> it literally covered the entire surface area of my ass
<SilverHorse> japanese people died when I let it go

<Alipha> ..can you fax me some paper for my printer?

<LittleBunny32> this girl on okcupid.com has six things she could never do without as: Sex, love, music, movies, dildo, water and air
<LittleBunny32> notice air is last
<RenaissanceGamer> i never did like people on this that took it THAT literatly
<RenaissanceGamer> because food would have to be up there too
<RenaissanceGamer> and shelter
<LittleBunny32> haha I'd put like oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, phosphorus, sodium, potassium
<RenaissanceGamer> i have always been partial to those six myself

<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS

<[NCA]Spank> I was pretty dumb about computers.
<[NCA]Spank> Then I learned you could get porn on them.
<[NCA]Spank> 3 years later I'm a system administrator.

loofaspunge: for(int food = 0; food < worldhunger; food++)
worldhunger--;

<berzerk0r> i wrote a rap about my ex girlfriend ready:
<berzerk0r> You're a ****.
<merkaba> thats pretty good berz
<berzerk0r> i like it
<MadHatter> it doesn't even rhyme

<luciddrms> boy irc is like a common link to everything fucked up on the internet

*** Now talking in #funadultchat
<Megumi> i am ready to receive my fun

<NOCKY> OMFG
<NOCKY> I JUST WENT TO GET THINGI PRINTED OUT
<NOCKY> AT THE COLOR PRINTER
<NOCKY> AND SOMEONE ELSE PRINTED
<NOCKY> A CHUCK E CHEESE COUPON
<NOCKY> AND BETTER YET IT WAS ALL PIXELLATED AND SHITTLY LOOKING
<wolfwork> astounding

<cave> what does stfu mean??
<nso> shut the fuck up
<cave> sor-ry.. it was a simple question.. no reason to get so mad..

<teresa> how is your meeting
<msd> well
<msd> we got off topic
<msd> and everyone is now looking at porn

<D|S-Alias> my balls are in such gay positions
<D|S-Alias> they are all on one side in a cluster
<D|S-random> i fuckin hate that
<D|S-random> when they stick to ur leg
<D|S-random> ER
<D|S-random> i just wanna rip them off
<D|S-Alias> im talking about pool yo

<Caldavien> omg I think Im gonna puke
<Mdar> ??
<Caldavien> I was browsing bash.org
<Caldavien> and some one said some thing about this "tubgirl.jpg"
<Caldavien> and I did a search
<Mdar> you did a google for tubgirl?
<Caldavien> yes
<Caldavien> it was bad

<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

<TIK_> Feck.. my machine just caught fire.. still going tho..
<-- TIK_ has quit (Quit)

<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.

<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was

t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

Damn it! I was just going to paste that one :D

This one is teh r0Xx0r.

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book

EDIT-

-snip-

LMAO!!! You did it again. :mad:

LMAO!!! You did it again. :mad:
I think I'm psychotic or something.
Err, psychic.

<iln> i haven't stuck anything up my ass before but i've thought about it

<AlmtyBob> I think there are more christians than bullets
<AlmtyBob> sucks

<hypr> ¿
<LkTruth1> hypr is confused in Spanish.

<SoulBain> I think my keyboard's unplugged.

<ac> just messaged this girl I use to know back home with "Welcome back hottie"
<ac> The response was "This is katie's mother"
<ac> ...
<ac> not a good thing

<Fntc> Has jetchan exploded yet?
<JetSki> yes... thank goodness for duct tape
<Fntc> Wow I never thought of using duct tape for masturbation

I think I'm psychotic or something.
Err, psychic.

Or we're both reading the "top 100" list, one of the two.


<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<

<[noam]> you know, i just came to a conclusion
<ryo-ohki> Really? I just came to some porno.

<timovgod> why is it that not 10 minutes after they put the straight-jacket on my nuts start to itch?

<OhioJoe> Steempy, you mentioend an automatic swich box.. I have a chrome box that has a switch on it too, with coax connecters on eitehr side, with a switch on it.. that is a manual switch box?
<God-Zilla> nah, thats a prostate stimulator
<neogeoMAN> I have one of those wired to my tinfoil hat.
<neogeoMAN> I can switch the aliens on or off.

<vmob_babe> french is a beautiful language.
<agent_rot> i dont like it
<vmob_babe> why is that?
<agent_rot> cuz i dont like words like 'bourdoeux' or whatever are "bordo"
<vmob_babe> hmm.
<agent_rot> theyre just trying to cheat at scrabble i tell you!

<ToastyX> :b
<Powerlord> Hey toasty, what is the ascii code for the upside down P?

^^^ That one rocks.

Or we're both reading the "top 100" list, one of the two.
I've been on random.

I've been on random.
random rules

<TrivBot> Question 3. A man's beard grows fastest when he ______?
<_Cozmo_> shaves it
<emul8or__> shaves
<RatAway> jacks off
<TrivBot> Here's a hint: antici
<Rjx> anticipates sex
<TrivBot> Rjx got the answer: anticipates sex. In: 5.7secs.
<Rjx> wtf?

TwilightKnight: all i do is wait for Desert crisis 1.5 and play counter-strike all day
Dr SpaZZo: Heh.
Dr SpaZZo: Which, by definition, means I have more of a life than you
Dr SpaZZo: Pity
TwilightKnight: well i was making out with a girl today
Dr SpaZZo: Liar
Dr SpaZZo: Theres no such thing as a "girl"
TwilightKnight: yes it is true!
TwilightKnight: they arent the tales and ledgends we thought them to be
TwilightKnight: they exist and live on the outside!
TwilightKnight: In the daylight!
Dr SpaZZo: Outside? Daylight? Now you're just making words up.

<drwiii> Warning: I just got to level 13 in Dr. Mario.
<j0nkatz> Warning: A terrorist just shot me in Rainbow Six: 3
<drwiii> Dr. Mario is too busy to treat you.
<j0nkatz> :<

<MasterG> .....................................................................
..................................
<judas> where's pacman when you need him?

<WabbyTwax> MOVIE TRIVIA TIME You have to beat EtherMan's high score of 720
<WabbyTwax> Question #59: for 60 points . . . .
<WabbyTwax> What special skill did the cricket possess in the movie "Mulan"?
<Evil_God> talking
<EtherMan> speech
<D-viant> singing
<Evil_God> ninjitsu
<EtherMan> swordsmanship
<D-viant> violin
<EtherMan> flight
<D-viant> fighting
<EtherMan> homosexuality
<D-viant> japanese fighting cricket
<Evil_God> big slapping testicles
<WabbyTwax> Sorry, your time is up! You had 30 seconds to answer.
<D-viant> expanding rectum
<Evil_God> opium addiction

*** f0r-1- has joined #photoshop
<f0r-1-> hi
<djahmar> hi
<f0r-1-> How it hanging?
<f0r-1-> :D
<Anapaest> from here to iowa
<f0r-1-> WHEEE! so, where are you from?
<Anapaest> iowa :(

<pleb> hey how long does it take to get back the results from a fertility test?
<Ouroboros> Do you have a girlfriend?
<pleb> yeah
<Ouroboros> 9 months.

<DeathscytheFish> I think the reason i'm not good with girls stems from the fact that the first time I ever called a girl was also the day that the girl's mom was killed in a car wreck and i'm trying to pick her up without knowing this and she proceeds to rip me a new one
<Kevyn> You didn't say "I'll let you call me mommy" to her, did you?
<Brandon64> Fish, you should have broke the ice with a "Yo mama is so fat..." joke
<Amber> Yo mama is so dead...
<Kevyn> "My mom died" "Haha yeah, that's the oldest one in the book"
<Brandon64> "Knock knock" "Who's there" "Your mom" "Your mom who?" ...silence...then 5 minutes later, "Get it? She's dead! HAHAHAHA, let's go bowling!"

<ajpiano|fifa03> THIS WANKS AWFUL
<Jig|werk> prosthetic hand?
<derobrash> heh
<derobrash> lol
<Jig|werk> put it in the microwave and warm it up.

(Mootar) morons.
(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer

<TunkeyMicket> HOLY SHIT MY COMPUTER IS BROADCASTING AN IP ADDRESS
<TunkeyMicket> HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP
<TunkeyMicket> THIS WINDOW CAME UP
<TunkeyMicket> TOLD ME THAT IT WAS DANGEROUS

(takai) ffs _ph
(takai) dont be gay
(_ph) thats like telling me not to eat

I like 2eat tape: when i was in 4 th grade there was this awesome 5 grader matthew podawski, i rememeber, and he used to ride his bike to school and mis match socks and and i really wanted to be his friend but he was so weird and he thanked me for the offer but was like "one friend in the world is enough" he then transfered schools

<sirex> is there an enlightenment key sequence to run a command without a shell?
<Ralp> Probably
<sirex> thanks ralp
<Ralp> I'm here to help!
<Ralp> Wait, no I'm not, I'm here to avoid the drudgery of my real life and wallow in denial.

<berger> i suggested to mojo, we go on a double date with eachothers sisters
<berger> he said no
<Zardoz> how old is his sister?
<berger> well
<berger> hmm
<berger> i suppose thats why he said no.

<Q> i need a remote control, and when you press a button on it, it makes your female friends stop being weird
<Lestat> I have one of those.
<Lestat> It's called a gun.

<McMoo> those presents are wrapped like motherfuckers.
<McMoo> like very thoroughly wrapped motherfuckers.

<ssptg> fuck i deleted msn again
<Straylight> good
<Straylight> did you get all of it?

<Seph][roth> Mike doesn't like it when I ban whole countries.
<Seph][roth> Subnetmasks and ISPs are fine.

<@Drezdar> This summer I'm gonna buy a DDR pad. I figure I can kill three birds with one stone by doing this: 1) play a game, 2) exercise, 3) swear off heterosexuality for good.

<pele> cookies and milk is the shit
<pele> true thug snack
<sigma> i didnt know santa was a thug
<pele> you think he buys all those presents?

<LordChewy> so my dad found my porn folder
<LordChewy> and he was getting all pissed
<LordChewy> so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know"
<LordChewy> "i know dad"
<LordChewy> "what do you have to say for yourself?"
<LordChewy> at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes"
<LordChewy> and he just shut up
<kingKahn> what is it?
<LordChewy> its his porn folder